Fantasy Island (1977–1984): Season 2, Episode 20 - Birthday Party/Ghostbreaker - full transcript

♪♪

[CLANGING]

[CLANGING]

THE PLANE! THE PLANE!

[LAUGHING]

[CHATTERING, LAUGHING]

AH, GOOD MORNING, TATTOO.

GOOD MORNING, BOSS.

SHAKE.

[BUZZING]

HA HA HA HA! PRETTY FUNNY, HUH?



BOSS. YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT.

THIS FLOWER... IT SQUIRTS. LOOK.

[AWK]

HA HA HA HA!

MAY I ASK WHAT HAS SET YOU OFF

ON THIS PATH OF HILARITY?

WELL, BOSS, I FOUND
OUT THAT THE GIRLS...

THEY LOVE A MAN WITH
A SENSE OF HUMOR.

OH, I SEE. CHANGING
YOUR IMAGE AGAIN.

RIGHT. I WANT TO BE THE KING
OF LAUGHTER ON FANTASY ISLAND.

OH! [INHALES DEEPLY]

LUCKY US. [SIGHS]

♪♪ [THEME]

SMILES, EVERYONE. SMILES.



[CHATTER, LAUGHTER]

♪♪ [HAWAIIAN DANCE]

I'M FINE.

[TATTOO] I BET I KNOW
WHO THAT MAN IS.

REALLY?

HE'S COMING TO PUT A NEW ANTENNA

SO I CAN WATCH THE GONG SHOW.

FORTUNATELY, YOU ARE WRONG.

THE GENTLEMAN HAPPENS TO BE

MR. ELLIOTT FIELDING,

AND THE SOPHISTICATED
ELECTRONIC EQUIPMENT HE'S CARRYING

HAS BEEN ENGINEERED TO
DETECT THE PRESENCE OF GHOSTS.

GHOSTS?

I HOPE HE DIDN'T BRING
ANY GHOSTS WITH HIM.

NO, MY FRIEND.

IN FACT, HE'S HOPING
WE CAN PROVIDE THEM.

YOU SEE, MR. FIELDING
IS A LIBRARIAN

WHO HAS SPENT YEARS

LEARNING EVERYTHING THERE IS
TO KNOW ABOUT THE SPIRIT WORLD.

HE'S EVEN WRITTEN A
BOOK ON GHOST BREAKING.

BUT, UH, NO PUBLISHER
WOULD TOUCH IT. OOH! OH...

BECAUSE OF HIS LACK OF
PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE.

BOSS, I THINK HE SHOULD
STAY AWAY FROM GHOSTS.

HE'S SUCH A CHICKEN.
HE'S A TURKEY.

YES, I'M AFRAID OUR GUEST

HAS NEVER HAD THE CONFIDENCE
TO PUT HIS BOOK TO USE.

NEVERTHELESS, HIS FANTASY

IS TO MEET AND EXORCISE
A REAL GHOST TO PROVE

HIS BOOK IS WORTH PUBLISHING.

BOSS... CAN YOU
REALLY DO THAT...

PROVIDE HIM WITH A GHOST?

MISS CAROL GATES...

WHO OWNS AND
RUNS A BAR AND GRILL

IN PHOENIX, ARIZONA.

HER FANTASY IS TO
WISH HER TWO CHILDREN

A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ABOUT THAT?

EXACTLY THIS, MY FRIEND...

3O YEARS AGO TOMORROW...

MS. GATES, WHO WAS
THEN 17 AND UNMARRIED,

HAD TWINS.

A BOY AND A GIRL.

AND SHE GAVE THEM
UP FOR ADOPTION.

SHE HAS NEITHER SEEN
NOR HEARD FROM THEM SINCE.

AND NOW, ON THE EVE
OF THEIR 30TH BIRTHDAY,

SHE WOULD LIKE TO
GET TO KNOW THEM

AND AT LONG LAST WISH
THEM HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

ACTUALLY, BOSS,

WERE YOU REALLY
ABLE TO FIND THEM?

OF COURSE I DID, TATTOO.

THE QUESTION IS
WHETHER AFTER SO LONG

THEY'LL BE READY TO
FIND THEIR MOTHER.

MY DEAR GUESTS...

I AM MR. ROARKE, YOUR HOST.

WELCOME TO FANTASY ISLAND.

♪♪ [DRAMATIC]

♪♪ [THEME]

AH. LOVELY, ISN'T
IT, MR. FIELDING?

WHO WOULD BELIEVE THAT A MONSTER

ONCE STALKED THESE
PEACEFUL GROUNDS,

TURNING THE NIGHT INTO A
TIME OF TERROR AND DEATH?

REALLY?

YES. A MOST
FRIGHTENING CREATURE.

OR SO THE LEGEND
GOES. [CHUCKLES]

UH, TATTOO WILL
UNLOAD YOUR EQUIPMENT

WHILE I SHOW YOU AROUND.

BOSS, I THINK I SHOULD STAY
WITH YOU AND MR. FIELDING.

IT COULD BE VERY DANGEROUS
FOR YOU TO BE ALONE.

WELL, OF COURSE IF YOU ARE
FRIGHTENED TO STAY BEHIND, UH...

OH, ME? UH, NO,
BOSS. I'M... I'M NOT.

GOOD.

UH, THIS WAY, MR. FIELDING.

♪♪ [OMINOUS]

UH, YOU SAID SOMETHING
ABOUT A MONSTER BEING HERE?

UH, YES. YES.

YES. YOU SEE, A
HUNDRED YEARS AGO,

THIS LOVELY MANSION WAS THE HOME

OF A DEMENTED MURDERER

KNOWN ONLY AS THE
GENTLEMAN STRANGLER.

MOST OF HIS VICTIMS WERE
BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMEN.

A DAY OR TWO BEFORE
THE ACTUAL KILLING,

HE WOULD LEAVE
HIS CALLING CARD...

A SINGLE BLOOD-RED ROSE.

YES.

I HOPE YOUR ABILITIES

ARE EQUAL TO THE TASK...

MR. FIELDING.

BECAUSE INNOCENT
LIVES MAY BE AT STAKE.

YOU SEE, THE STRANGLER'S MANSION

IS NOW A SCHOOL FOR GIRLS.

[EXCITED SQUEALING]

[EXCITED CHATTER]

[OVERLAPPING
CHATTER] HI, MR. ROARKE.

HI, MR. ROARKE. HI, MR. ROARKE.

OHH!

HI, MR. ROARKE. HI, MR. ROARKE.

HELLO, GIRLS.

HEY, UH, LADIES, LADIES. PLEASE.

CONTROL YOURSELVES!

LADIES! [CHATTER SUBSIDES]

[CHUCKLES] MISS KAMBERLEY,

MAY I INTRODUCE
MR. ELLIOTT FIELDING?

MISS EDNA KAMBERLEY,
OWNER AND HEADMISTRESS

OF THE KAMBERLEY
SCHOOL FOR GIRLS.

HOW DO YOU DO?

UM... MR. ROARKE
TOLD ME ALL ABOUT YOU,

BUT HE DIDN'T SAY
YOU WERE SO YOUNG.

[GIRLS CHATTER, CHUCKLE]

I MEAN, WHEN HE MENTIONED
ALL YOUR YEARS OF STUDY,

I EXPECTED SOME ANCIENT SCHOLAR.

WELL, I HOPE YOU'RE NOT TOO
DISAPPOINTED, MISS KAMBERLEY.

INSIDE, I'M REALLY AN OLD FOGY.

PLEASE. CALL ME EDNA.

[GIRLS] WHOO!

[GIRLS CHUCKLING]

UM...

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

I BELIEVE THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE

A SOCCER PRACTICE.

I'M LEAVING YOU IN CHARGE

OF THE WARM-UP, SUSAN.

OKAY, MISS KAMBERLEY. LET'S GO.

[GIRLS GIGGLING]

THEY'RE REALLY LOVELY GIRLS.

JUST A BIT IMMATURE.

I ONLY HOPE THE GHOST...

OR WHATEVER IT IS
THAT'S FRIGHTENING THEM

CAN BE DEALT WITH
BEFORE THEY ALL LEAVE.

ANY MORE CANCELLATIONS, AND
I'LL HAVE TO CLOSE THE SCHOOL.

OH, I DON'T THINK THAT
WILL BE NECESSARY.

AND NOW MAY I WISH YOU
BOTH THE VERY BEST OF LUCK?

WILL YOU EXCUSE ME?

♪♪

WELL, I... I GUESS I'D BETTER
SHOW YOU AROUND, MR. FIELDING.

I'LL GET IT!

OHH! OHH!

[SOFT CHUCKLE]

WHAT A GREAT KICK! OH...

YOU MUST'VE BEEN A
SOCCER STAR AT SCHOOL.

OH... NO, ACTUALLY, I'VE NEVER
PLAYED THE GAME BEFORE.

BUT I DID READ ABOUT IT.

UM...

I SHOULD TELL YOU THAT I...

I NEVER GOT RID OF A
GHOST BEFORE, EITHER.

WELL, IF YOU'RE AS GOOD AT
THAT AS YOU ARE AT SOCCER,

I'VE GOT NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

OH, I HOPE YOU CAN
HELP ME, ELLIOTT.

WHEN THE GIRLS STARTED
TELLING ME ABOUT HEARING

STRANGE NOISES AND SEEING THE
GHOST OF THE GENTLEMAN STRANGLER,

I THOUGHT IT WAS
SOME WEIRD JOKE.

BUT AFTER THIS MORNING...

I'M NOT SO SURE.

WELL, THEN, WHAT
HAPPENED THIS MORNING?

SUSAN FOUND THIS ON HER PILLOW.

♪♪ [MYSTERIOUS]

A SINGLE BLOOD-RED ROSE.

♪♪ [OMINOUS]

♪♪ [CHEERFUL]

OH, A TWIN CONVENTION...

THAT'S HOW YOU GOT ME HERE.

THAT'S RIGHT. YES. WOULD
YOU CARE FOR A DRINK?

UH, NO, THANK YOU.
YOU MIND IF I DO?

OH, NO. PLEASE. THANK YOU.

WHICH ONES ARE MINE?

♪♪ [SUSPENSEFUL]

DO YOU SEE THE YOUNG
LADY IN THE BLUE DRESS,

SITTING OVER THERE?

SHE IS YOUR DAUGHTER.

SHE'S LOVELY.

YES.

WHAT DO THEY CALL HER?

TRACY. HER NAME IS TRACY MILLER.

TRACY. THAT'S NICE.

I... THOUGHT OF A WHOLE
BUNCH OF THEM ONE DAY...

UH, AUDREY, HELEN,
JOYCE, KATE. MEGAN.

BUT TRACY IS GOOD.

VERY GOOD.

IS THAT HER HUSBAND?

UNFORTUNATELY, HER HUSBAND...

JIM MILLER...

UH, WAS KILLED IN
A MOTOR ACCIDENT

THREE MONTHS AGO.

OH, MY POOR BABY.

I HOPE... HER PARENTS

WERE ABLE TO HELP
HER THROUGH IT.

I'M AFRAID NOT. YOU SEE, THE
PEOPLE WHO ADOPTED YOUR CHILDREN

WERE AN ELDERLY COUPLE,

AND THEY PASSED AWAY

WHILE YOUR CHILDREN
WERE STILL IN COLLEGE.

OH, WOW.

DID THEY EVER...

TELL THE CHILDREN
THEY WERE ADOPTED?

YES.

YES, THEY THOUGHT IT
BEST, AND, UH... MORE HONEST.

YES. UH...

AND THE YOUNG MAN
TALKING TO THE LITTLE BOY...

HIS NAME IS TOM DEARBORN.

THAT'S HIS WIFE JO AND
THEIR LITTLE SON... JAMIE.

UH, TOM IS YOUR SON.

AT ONE TIME, HE WAS A
PROMISING FOOTBALL ROOKIE.

FIELD-GOAL-KICKING SPECIALIST.

BUT, UH, HE SELLS INSURANCE NOW.

THAT IS, UM...

NOW AND THEN.

ARE YOU READY TO MEET THEM?

AS WHAT?

I THINK I... I... I JUST CAN'T
WALK UP AND SAY, UM,

"UH, HI THERE. NICE
DAY. UH, BY THE WAY,

I'M THE MOTHER WHO WALKED
AWAY FROM YOU 30 YEARS AGO."

NO. I CAN'T.

OF COURSE NOT, MS. GATES.

IT'S NECESSARY TO REVEAL
WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

AT LEAST... NOT YET.

COME.

COME.

MS. MILLER.

MR. AND MRS. DEARBORN,

MAY I INTRODUCE MS. CAROL GATES?

SHE'S THE HOSTESS I PROMISED YOU

DURING YOUR STAY ON THE ISLAND.

AH. HOW DO YOU DO?

HELLO. HI.

PRETTY, TOO.

THANK YOU.

YES. I'M GLAD TO
MEET YOU, MS. GATES.

OH... NOT HALF AS GLAD
AS I AM TO MEET YOU.

♪♪

THE GHOST, IF
THAT'S WHAT IT WAS,

WAS FIRST SEEN BY DON AND SUSAN.

NOW, WERE THOSE
THE ONLY SIGHTINGS?

NO. NO, ALL IN ALL, THERE'VE BEEN
MORE THAN A DOZEN INCIDENTS.

AND EACH TIME, EVERY DESCRIPTION

OF THE THING IS THE SAME...

A VERY TALL MAN

IN VICTORIAN EVENING CLOTHES...

MM-HMM...

TOP HAT, GLOVES... MM-HMM...

AND A CLOAK WITH A HIGH COLLAR.

RIGHT.

JUST LIKE...

♪♪ [MYSTERIOUS]

THE, UH...

GENTLEMAN STRANGLER?

YOU CAN'T IMAGINE HOW
FRIGHTENED MY GIRLS WERE,

RUNNING INTO HIM IN
THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

I CAN'T?

WELL. UH...

UH, GHOSTS GENERALLY FOLLOW

A VERY PRECISE ROUTE
ON THEIR NIGHTLY OUTINGS.

NOW, FROM WHAT YOU'VE TOLD ME,

THE, UM, THE STRANG...

OR, THE... SPIRIT IN QUESTION

FIRST MATERIALIZES DOWNSTAIRS.

UH, ABOUT HERE.

MM-HMM. UH-HUH.

AND THEN HE CROSSES TO HERE...

STARTS UP THE STAIRS...

AND THEN HE REAPPEARS UPSTAIRS

AND WALKS DOWN
THE HALL. CORRECT?

YES. YEAH.

BUT HE WAS ALSO
SEEN WALKING OUTSIDE

BY THE OLD GARDENS.

BY THE OLD GARDENS. HMM.

WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW
THE PATH OF THE GHOST, ELLIOTT?

BECAUSE I'M GOING
TO LINE HIS ROUTE

WITH ELECTRONIC SENSING DEVICES

WHICH WILL RECORD HIS PRESENCE

BY REGISTERING
THE MINUTE CHANGES

IN TEMPERATURE AND PRESSURE

THAT ACCOMPANY THE APPEARANCE
OF A GHOSTLY PRESENCE,

EVEN IF IT'S NOT VISIBLE
TO THE NAKED EYE.

THAT'S AMAZING!

THEN WHAT?

THEN I MUST CONFRONT THE GHOST

AND BANISH IT FOREVER.

HOW DO YOU DO THAT?

BY TELLING HIM HE'S DEAD.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

NO. NO. YOU SEE,
MANY APPARITIONS

WALK THE EARTH NOT REALIZING

THEY'RE... DEAD.

SO...

THEY'RE RELIEVED,
AND THEY JUST...

DISAPPEAR.

AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT
IT SAYS IN ALL THE BOOKS.

♪♪ [ROMANTIC]

OHH...

[SLOW, LOUD FOOTSTEPS]

EDNA? WHAT'S THE MATTER?

THE FOOTSTEPS.

THE GENTLEMAN STRANGLER
WALKED WITH A LIMP!

THE GIRLS HEARD IT
BEFORE HIS GHOST APPEARED!

WHAT? OH. WELL,
UH, EDNA, COULD...

COULDN'T WE, UH... UH... EDNA?

[FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE] UH...

♪♪ [MYSTERIOUS]

[FOOTSTEP]

[SCRAPING]

[FOOTSTEP]

[SCRAPING, FOOTSTEP]

[SCRAPING, FOOTSTEP]

HE SEEMS TO BE
HEADING FOR THE ATTIC.

[FOOTSTEPS, SCRAPING CONTINUE.

[SCRAPING, RATTLING]

[FOOTSTEP]

[SCRAPING, FOOTSTEP]

HE'S... IT'S IN THERE.

[SCRAPING]

[FOOTSTEP]

IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO ME...

RUN LIKE A THIEF.

YAAHH!

FOR HEAVEN SAKES, ALAN,

LET HIM GO.

THAT GHOST'S NAME IS ALAN?

HE'S NO GHOST.

HE'S THE SCHOOL FENCING
INSTRUCTOR, ALAN LeBLANC.

AT YOUR SERVICE.

I WAS IN MY STUDY WHEN I
HEARD THE LIMPING FOOTSTEPS.

I CAME UP THE SERVICE STAIRS

IN THE HOPE OF PINNING
DOWN OUR ELUSIVE VISITOR.

WELL, WE WERE AFTER HIM, TOO.

IT SOUNDED LIKE HE WENT
THROUGH THE ATTIC DOOR.

AH.

WELL!

THE FIRE DEPARTMENT
HAD US WALL OFF

THE ATTIC SPACE WHEN THE MANSION

WAS CONVERTED INTO A SCHOOL.

BUT... A STRUCTURE MADE
BY A MAN CAN'T STOP A GHOST.

EDNA... SELL THIS PLACE.

START A NEW SCHOOL
WITH A SAFE ENVIRONMENT.

WITH ME AS YOUR PARTNER.

AND LET THE STRANGLER KEEP
HIS HOUSE FOR ALL ETERNITY.

I REFUSE TO BE RUN OFF
MY PROPERTY BY A GHOST.

AND BESIDES, I HAVE ELLIOTT
FIELDING WORKING WITH ME NOW,

AND HE'S AN EXPERT ON
GETTING RID OF GHOSTS.

OH! REALLY!

WELL. WHAT IF HE'S
NOT EXPERT ENOUGH?

AND WHAT IF IT IS THE
SPIRIT OF THE STRANGLER

THAT WALKS THESE HALLS?

FOR MY PART, I PREFER
TO PUT MY TRUST

IN COLD STEEL
UNTIL THIS IS OVER.

GOOD AFTERNOON.

♪♪ [HUMOROUS]

WELL... I DON'T LIKE
HIM OR HIS SWORD.

BUT WHAT IF HE'S RIGHT?

YOU AND THE GIRLS
COULD BE IN DANGER,

ESPECIALLY SUSAN,
BECAUSE SHE GOT THE ROSE.

♪♪ [ROMANTIC]

SOMEHOW I JUST
KNOW I CAN RELY ON YOU

NOT TO LET ME DOWN.

♪♪

YOU'RE RIGHT,
EDNA. SOON AS I GET

MY EQUIPMENT SET UP, I'LL
TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING.

[GHOSTLY LAUGHTER]

[FOOTSTEPS]

MMHH.

♪♪ [MOCK OMINOUS]

♪♪

I'M GOING TO GET
SOME FOOD. OKAY.

MWAH.

HERE YOU ARE.

OH. THANK YOU.

DO YOU COME HERE OFTEN, CAROL?

MMM. FIRST TIME.

MMM! THAT SMELLS GREAT!

NOW, YOU ARE
EITHER A GREAT CHEF,

OR YOU HAVE KIDS OF YOUR OWN.

I OWN A BAR AND
GRILL IN PHOENIX.

MR. DEARBORN.

I BELIEVE YOU KNOW
COACH MALAVASI

OF THE LOS ANGELES RAMS.

SURE DO. HOW ARE YOU, COACH?

THE RAMS ARE HERE WORKING
OUT FOR A CHARITY GAME.

OF COURSE YOU
KNOW ANTHONY DAVIS.

HEY, TONY. AND FRANK CORRALL.

HOW YOU DOIN', FRANK?

[CHUCKLES]

GREAT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

UH, COACH, DIDN'T YOU
TELL ME THAT MR. DEARBORN

WAS ONCE A VERY PROMISING
SOCCER-STYLE KICKER?

ONE OF THE BEST A FEW YEARS AGO.

HEY, NOW, WAIT A MINUTE. I
MIGHT STILL BE, YOU KNOW.

I, UH, PLAYED A LITTLE
SEMI-PRO LAST SEASON.

DIDN'T DO TOO BAD.

I'M JUST WAITING FOR
SOMEONE TO GIVE ME A TRYOUT.

WHY DON'T YOU DROP
BY OUR PRACTICE FIELD

IN THE MORNING AND WORK OUT?

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

SURE. YOU CAN WORK OUT
WITH SOME OF OUR PLAYERS.

♪♪

I'LL BE THERE, COACH.

[ROARKE] ALL RIGHT, GENTLEMEN.

[MOTOR STARTS]

DADDY, ARE YOU GONNA
PLAY FOR THE RAMS?

MAYBE.

MAYBE.

♪♪ [MOODY]

HERE GOES THE SAME OLD ARGUMENT.

ABOUT WHAT?

FOOTBALL.

TOM HAD SOME GREAT
PLANS FOR HIMSELF.

THEN A FEW YEARS AGO,

HE GOT BUSTED UP IN A PUNT.

BUST HIS LEG IN FOUR PLACES.

THE OTHER TEAM GOT
15 YARDS PENALTY,

AND HE GOT SIX
MONTHS IN THE HOSPITAL.

AND HE WANTS TO TRY IT AGAIN?

OVER JO'S DEAD BODY.

SHE THINKS HE'S TOO OLD.

SERIOUS.

DIVORCE TALK.

♪♪ [MOODY]

♪♪ [THEME]

OH. THANK YOU, TATTOO.

DON'T MENTION IT.

BOTTOMS UP.

[CHORTLES]

HA HA HA HA HA!

TATTOO, THIS GLASS... THERE'S
SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT.

IT'S CALLED A DRIBBLE GLASS.

PRETTY FUNNY, HUH? HA HA!

OH... HYSTERICAL.

I GOT A MILLION
OF THEM. A MILLION!

YES. THAT'S WHAT I'M AFRAID OF.

[CHORTLES]

♪♪ [OMINOUS]

[BEEPING]

[BEEPING]

[BEEPING]

[BEEPING]

[BEEPING]

[BEEPING]

[BEEPING CONTINUES]

YOU HOLD IT RIGHT
THERE, SKEEZIX! OH!

UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR BACKSIDE

PEPPERED WITH BUCKSHOT.

I'VE BEEN WAITIN' A LONG TIME

TO FIND THE FAT HEAD

WHO'S BEEN STOMPIN'
ALL OVER MY BEGONIAS.

OH. NO, SIR. I HAVEN'T BE
WALKING IN YOUR FLOWERBED.

MY-MY NAME IS ELLIOTT FIELDING,

AND I'M TRYING TO FIND THE PATH

USED BY THE GHOST OF
THE GENTLEMAN STRANGLER.

WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE,

ONE OF THOSE SPOOK
FINDERS OR SOMETHIN'?

UH-HUH.

OH, RATS.

PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN, SONNY.

PUT 'EM DOWN, I SAID!

I COULDN'TA SHOT YA, ANYHOW.

THAT GUN HASN'T BEEN FIRED

SINCE CAL COOLIDGE SAT IN
THE WHITE HOUSE DOIN' NOTHIN'.

OHH...

OHH...

WILL YA LOOK AT
THEM POOR POSIES?

OH. WELL, I'D SAY YOUR
PROBLEM ISN'T TRESPASSERS.

IT'S FERTILIZER.

YOU TELLIN' ME

I DON'T KNOW MY GARDENIN'?!

OH, NO, SIR. NO. IT'S JUST THAT

FROM THE CONDITION
OF YOUR BEGONIAS

AND THE WILTED LOOK OF
YOUR PETUNIAS OVER THERE,

A LITTLE FISH MEAL WOULD
SEEM TO BE IN ORDER.

FISH MEAL?! HUH!

FISH MEAL! THAT'S IT?!

WHY DIDN'T I RECOLLECT THAT?!

MISTER... YOU MUST BE

THE MASTER GREEN-THUMB
GARDNER OF ALL TIME!

OH... NO. NO, I'VE NEVER
REALLY GROWN ANYTHING.

BUT I HAVE READ ALL ABOUT IT.

WELL, ANYBODY WHO
KNOWS FERTILIZER

AS GOOD AS YOU CAN'T BE ALL BAD.

IF THERE'S ANYTHING
YOU EVER WANT,

JUST LET ME KNOW.

THE NAME IS JACOBY.

YES, SIR! THAT'S ME!

JACOBY. THE GARDENER.

AND...

AND I KNOW EVERY
INCH AROUND HERE.

ABOVE AND BELOW GROUND.

[CHUCKLES]

FOR INSTANCE,
THERE AIN'T MANY LEFT

WHO REMEMBER THE
OLD SMUGGLER" CAVE.

NOW, YOU REMEMBER THAT, SONNY.

I WILL. THANKS, MR. JACOBY.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, HEAR?

THERE'S SOMETHIN' EVIL
GOIN' ON AT THAT SCHOOL.

AND THAT NICE MRS.
KAMBERLEY AND HER KIDS

COULD BE IN HOT WATER.

NOW, YOU BE CAREFUL.

REAL, REAL CAREFUL.

[GRUMBLING]

[GRUMBLING]

UH, MR. JACOBY...

[CAW CAW] YOU CAN...

♪♪ [EERIE]

[CAW CAW CAW] OH, BROTHER.

[CAW CAW CAW]

♪♪ [MYSTERIOUS]

OKAY.

OKAY.

♪♪ [THEME]

[WOMAN] LOVELY.

YES, IT IS.

CAROL, I DON'T KNOW
HOW I'M GONNA THANK YOU

FOR BABY-SITTING
FOR JAMIE TONIGHT.

IT'S NOT OFTEN
ENOUGH THAT TOM AND I

GET TO TAKE TRACY
WITH US TO DINNER.

WELL, IT WOULD BE NICE IF TRACY

AND TOM COULD SPEND
MORE TIME TOGETHER.

ARE YOU SAYIN' THAT JUST
BECAUSE WE'RE TWINS?

[CHUCKLES]

I WOULDN'T BE AT ALL SURPRISED

IF YOU AND JO HAD HAD TWINS.

I KNOW, I KNOW. TWINS,
AS THE SAYING GOES,

OFTEN BEGET TWINS. RIGHT.

BUT NOT IN OUR CASE.

NOT YET, ANYWAY.

MAYBE TRACY'LL HAVE THE TWINS.

I HOPE YOU DIDN'T MIND ME TELLING
CAROL YOU'RE PREGNANT, HONEY.

I'M READY TO GO.

♪♪ [MOODY]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[SIGHS]

UM...

SHE'S... REALLY BEEN ON THE EDGE

EVER SINCE JIM DIED.

I GUESS WE'D BETTER TRY
TO CATCH UP WITH HER. OKAY?

GOOD NIGHT. SEE YOU
WHEN WE GET BACK.

OKAY. HAVE A GOOD TIME.

AND DON'T WORRY.

MISS GATES, AFTER DINNER COULD
YOU PLEASE TELL ME A STORY?

OH, I'VE WAITED A LONG
TIME TO HEAR THAT QUESTION.

YOU JUST TRY TO STOP ME.

NOW, JUST SIT DOWN,

AND WE'LL HAVE
DINNER IN JUST A MINUTE.

OKAY.

[WIND HOWLS]

[BEEPING]

I'M WORRIED, ELLIOTT. I HAVE
THIS FEELING OF MENACE.

WELL, IF THE GHOST
COMES THIS WAY TONIGHT,

WE'LL BE WAITING FOR HIM.

THE SENSORS ARE...

[THUNDER CRACKS] [SCREAMS]

[GASPS]

I DON'T THINK YOUR FANCY
EQUIPMENT IS GOING TO WORK,

AND I THINK YOU SHOULD
GET AWAY FROM HERE, EDNA.

GO TO YOUR ROOM
AND WAIT FOR MORNING.

I INTEND TO STAY WITH ELLIOTT.

WHATEVER IT IS THAT'S
HAUNTING THIS SCHOOL,

WE'LL FACE IT TOGETHER.

AS YOU LIKE,

BUT REMEMBER...

I WARNED YOU.

I THINK ALAN'S RIGHT.

IT'LL BE SAFER FOR YOU AWAY
FROM THE PATH OF THE GHOST.

OH, I WANT TO STAY WITH YOU.

I'M GLAD YOU SAID THAT.

IT'LL BE NICE HAVING YOU HERE.

COME ON. WE CAN WATCH
THE INSTRUMENTS TOGETHER.

[RINGING]

[WIND HOWLS]

[BOTH GASP]

TOM AND JOE DIDN'T
COME BACK WITH YOU?

NO, NO, THEY WENT
ON TO THE DISCO,

BUT I DIDN'T THINK THERE WAS ANY
NEED TO KEEP YOU UP ANY LONGER.

OH...

WAS JAMIE ALL RIGHT?

OH, FINE.

IT WAS SUCH FUN BEING WITH HIM.

IT... IT MUST BE VERY HARD

HAVING A BABY WITH NO HUSBAND.

WELL, I DON'T INTEND TO FIND
OUT JUST HOW HARD THAT MIGHT BE.

I... I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

WELL, I'M GOING TO GIVE
THE BABY UP FOR ADOPTION.

JIM DIDN'T LEAVE ME MUCH MONEY,

AND I HAVE TO FIND A JOB,

AND I HAVE NO DESIRE TO BECOME

ONE OF THOSE NOBLE
SINGLE MOTHERS

THAT WORKS ALL DAY

AND EACH EVENING
PICKS UP HER CHILD

AT THE NURSERY SCHOOL.

YOU COULD BE MAKING
A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.

I DON'T THINK SO.

GOOD NIGHT.

[BEEPING]

ELLIOTT. HM?

IT MUST BE THE GHOST.

WHAT?

NO. NO, IT CAN'T BE.

NO, THE PULSES ARE TOO WEAK.

IT'S AS IF SOMETHING IS
PASSING OUTSIDE THE HOUSE,

MAYBE EVEN UNDER IT.

WHATEVER IT IS,
IT'S FADING AWAY.

IT'S GONE.

IF IT IS, WHAT'S THAT?

WHATEVER IT IS, IT'S NOT
REGISTERING ON THE SENSING DEVICES.

GENTLEMEN STRANGLER,
YOU ARE DEAD.

REST IN PEACE.

[LAUGHS]

STOP IT!

[GASPS]

HE'S GONE.

OH, I HEARD THE
NOISE DOWNSTAIRS,

SO I CAME OUT TO SEE
WHAT WAS GOING ON.

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

[OBJECT BANGS, CRASHES]

SUSAN. SUSAN, WHERE ARE YOU?

SHE'S GONE.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

♪♪ [ORGAN]

♪♪

IT'S THE GHOST OF THE
GENTLEMAN STRANGLER.

I THINK HE'S GOT SUSAN.

SHE CAN'T HAVE JUST
VANISHED INTO THIN AIR.

I INTEND TO SEARCH THE
SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN

UNTIL WE FIND HER.

IN THE MEANTIME, ALAN,
YOU CALL THE POLICE.

VERY WELL,

BUT I THINK YOU'RE
FOOLISH TO STAY HERE

AFTER WHAT HAPPENED.

ANY ONE OF THE GIRLS, EVEN YOU,

COULD BE NEXT.

LADIES.

HE'S RIGHT, EDNA.

I THINK YOU AND THE GIRLS SHOULD
LEAVE HERE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

I'LL GO WITH YOU.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOUR
BOOK IF YOU LEAVE NOW?

THERE ARE SOME THINGS MORE
IMPORTANT THAN GETTING PUBLISHED,

THINGS LIKE STAYING ALIVE.

OH, IT'S ONLY FEAR
TALKING, ELLIOTT.

YOU MUST STAY, AND I
INTEND TO STAY WITH YOU.

I'LL JUST MAKE A QUICK TOUR
OF THE GROUNDS WITH THE GIRL...

ELLIOTT. WHAT IS IT?

MISS KAMBERLEY, THAT
MEANS YOU'RE NEXT.

MISS GATES?

OH, MR. ROARKE.

HOW IS YOUR FANTASY WORKING OUT?

IF YOU'D ASKED ME
THAT YESTERDAY,

I WOULD HAVE SAID, "WONDERFUL."

OH, BUT TODAY?

MY DAUGHTER INTENDS TO
PUT HER BABY UP FOR ADOPTION,

AND IF MY SON TRIES
OUT FOR THE RAMS,

HE MAY BE HEADED FOR DIVORCE.

OH.

WELL, THEN, I'M AFRAID SAW TODAY THAT
TOM GOT SUITED UP IN A RAMS UNIFORM

I'M AWFULLY SORRY.

THEN HE'S GOING THROUGH WITH IT.

OH, MR. ROARKE,

I WISH I HAD NEVER COME HERE.

DO YOU REALLY?

YOU ALREADY SPENT 30 YEARS
WITH REGRET, MISS GATES.

DO YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR
LIFE WITH BITTERNESS AND DISAPPOINTMENT?

DO I HAVE A CHOICE?

OH, YOU DO INDEED.

YOU CAME HERE BECAUSE
YOU WANTED TO BE A MOTHER

TO YOUR TWO CHILDREN.

MAYBE IT'S TIME YOU
STARTED ACTING LIKE ONE.

HOW?

BY FIGHTING FOR THE HAPPINESS
OF YOUR CHILDREN AND...

THE LOVE AND RESPECT
YOU WANT FROM THEM.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

MISS GATES, COME IN.

THANK YOU.

UH, WHERE'S JAMIE?

TRACY TOOK THEM FOR A WALK.

OH.

EVEN IF YOU DON'T THINK YOU
AND TOM ARE ANY OF MY BUSINESS...

WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT.

NOT MUCH TO TELL.
I'M A FOOTBALL WIDOW.

HE WAS A BIG STAR IN
HIGH SCHOOL AND COLLEGE

AND NOW HE WANTS TO GO ON
AND BE A BIG STAR IN THE PROS.

ONLY HIS WANTING THAT AND IT
HAPPENING ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.

THEN DID YOU EVER
LOOK AT IT THIS WAY?

HE HAS A DREAM THAT
HE CAN'T GET RID OF.

IF YOU LOVE HIM, SUPPORT
HIM. HE NEEDS YOU.

I CAN'T, NOT IN THIS.

OH, COME OFF OF IT.

IT DOESN'T PROVE ANYTHING

IF YOU'RE ON HIS SIDE JUST
FOR THE THINGS YOU WANT.

LOOK, I KNOW WHAT
IT IS TO WALK AWAY

FROM SOMEONE I LOVED.

NOW, IF YOU LOVE HIM,

THEN TO HELL WITH
THE REST OF THE WORLD.

FIGHT FOR HIM.

THAT'S NOT TOO BAD, TOM.

YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE
THAT UNDER GAME CONDITIONS,

UNDER PRESSURE?

I GUESS THERE'S ONLY
ONE WAY TO FIND OUT.

[MAN] OKAY, GUYS,

LET'S GET THE FIRST
STRINGS A LITTLE LOOKY.

[MALAVASI] ALL RIGHT,
LET'S GO! SPECIAL TEAMS.

HERE WE GO. FIELD
GOAL. LET'S GO.

[MEN SHOUTING] [MAN] ALL
RIGHT! COME ONE, LET'S GO.

[MAN] ALL RIGHT, GOOD STICK.

TURN AROUND AND LOOK AT HIM, JO.

THE TIME TO HELP SOMEONE
IS WHEN THEY REALLY NEED IT.

IF YOU DON'T DO IT THEN,

USUALLY YOU NEVER
GET ANOTHER CHANCE.

YOU OKAY, PARTNER?

YEAH.

ALL RIGHT.

IF YOU LOVE HIM,
DON'T BLOW THIS.

TOM?

TRY IT AGAIN, OKAY?

[MAN] LET'S GO.

[MEN CHATTERING]

READY? HERE WE GO.

LET'S GO. SET...

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[MAN] WAY TO GO!

[ROARKE] MAYBE HE'LL GET HIS
CHANCE AT PRO FOOTBALL AFTER ALL.

I THINK WE BETTER
QUIT, MISS KAMBERLEY.

WE'VE BEEN LOOKING
HALF THE MORNING.

LET THE POLICE
TAKE IT FROM HERE.

DONNA, GHOST OR NO GHOST,

NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO
RUN OFF WITH ONE OF MY KIDS

WITHOUT HAVING TO DEAL WITH ME.

I CAN'T TURN TAIL AND
RUN. I SIMPLY CAN'T.

DONNA, YOU SMELL IT?

AN OVERPOWERING SENT OF ROSES...

ALL AROUND US.

[SCREAMS]

OH!

MR. FIELDING, THE STRANGLER...
I'VE JUST SEEN THE GHOST.

IT ISN'T A GHOST
WE'RE UP AGAINST.

IT'S FLESH AND BLOOD, AND HERE'S
HOW HE DID IT, WITH A PROJECTOR.

NOW, LOOK AT THIS. WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, LOOK AT THIS.

SEE?

BUT EVEN IF IT'S NOT A GHOST,

HE'S GOT MISS KAMBERLEY.

WHAT? WHERE, DONNA?

COME WITH ME.

[MISS GATES] TRACY?

TRACY.

MAY I SPEAK WITH YOU A MOMENT?

SURE. ABOUT WHAT?

ABOUT PUTTING YOUR
BABY UP FOR ADOPTION.

I'D LIKE TO BUY IT FROM YOU.

YOU'D WHAT?

THE PRICE I'M OFFERING IS
A TOWNHOUSE IN PHOENIX.

YOU CAN SELL IT,
OR YOU CAN LIVE IN IT.

YOU MIGHT CONSIDER LIVING IN IT

BECAUSE YOU'D BE NEXT DOOR TO ME

AND THAT WAY YOU
COULD SEE THE BABY

WHENEVER YOU WANTED.

WHY... WHY ARE
YOU DOING ALL THIS?

TO SAVE YOU FROM
MAKING A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.

YOU CAN'T BE SURE OF THAT.

OH, YES, I CAN.

HOW?

ABOUT 30 YEARS AGO

THERE WAS ANOTHER YOUNG GIRL.

SHE WAS ONLY 17,

AND SHE FELL IN LOVE
WITH AN OLDER MAN.

HE WAS 31.

LOOK, I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY...

PLEASE, LET ME FINISH.

ALL RIGHT.

SHE DIDN'T KNOW OR CARE

WHAT HE DID FOR A LIVING,

BUT SHE FOUND OUT.

ONE NIGHT SHE WAITED IN THE CAR

WHILE HE WENT INTO A LIQUOR
STORE FOR SOME BEER AND...

AND THEN SHE HEARD THE SHOTS.

HE WAS KILLED TRYING
TO ROB THAT STORE.

AFTER THEY ARRESTED HER,

SHE FOUND OUT...

HAD A RECORD A MILE LONG.

YOU, YOU WERE THAT GIRL.

WHY ARE YOU TELLING
ME THIS STORY?

BECAUSE...

WHEN THEY PUT ME
IN THE JUVENILE HALL,

I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT...

AND THAT'S WHERE
I HAD MY BABIES.

BABIES?

A BOY AND A GIRL, TWINS.

THEY TOLD ME I HAD TO
GIVE THEM UP FOR ADOPTION.

THAT WAS 30 YEARS AGO...

YOU'RE OUR MOTHER...

TOM'S AND MINE?

THAT'S WHY YOU
TOLD ME THE STORY?

PLEASE... PLEASE, DON'T
GIVE UP YOUR BABY...

BECAUSE IF YOU DO,

YOU'LL SPEND THE
YEARS AS I HAVE,

REGRETTING, HATING YOURSELF,

AND WONDERING IF
YOUR SON OR DAUGHTER

COULD EVER FORGIVE YOU.

MY MOTHER?

OH, MY MOTHER. [SOBBING]

TAKE IT EASY, SONNY,
OR YOU'LL BLOW A GASKET.

WHAT'S GOT YOU SO ALL FIRED UP?

OH, MR. JACOBY, THANK HEAVEN.

LOOK, SOMEBODY'S
PRETENDING TO BE A GHOST,

AND HE'S GOT SUSAN AND
EDNA AND MISS KAMBERLEY.

NOW, THEY'RE NOT IN THE HOUSE.
I'VE SEARCHED EVERYWHERE,

BUT YOU SAID SOMETHING
ABOUT AN OLD SMUGGLER'S CAVE?

THAT, I DID.

COULD YOU TELL ME, HOW
COULD I FIND THE ENTRANCE?

IT'S UP THERE A PIECE,

AT THE END OF THE CEMETERY.

DOME DOOR BEHIND THE
LAST TOMBSTONE AT THE END.

THANKS.

HAVE A CARE, SONNY.

PEOPLE IS MORE DANGEROUS

THAN ANY GHOST THAT EVER WALKED.

MM-HM.

MM-HM.

[HOOTS]

YAH!

BRAVO, MR. FIELDING. BRAVO.

[EDNA] ELLIOTT.

EDNA.

SO THE MOUSE BECOMES
A LION AFTER ALL.

I FRANKLY DIDN'T EXPECT
YOU TO COME THIS FAR,

BUT THEN I DIDN'T EXPECT
EDNA AND HER GIRLS

TO BE SO STUBBORN EITHER.

EDNA, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YES, BUT NOT FOR LONG.

ALAN'S GONE MAD.

MAD? NOT MAD.

JUST GREEDY.

IN THE PROPER HANDS,
THE KAMBERLEY SCHOOL

COULD BE FAR MORE VALUABLE
THAN YOU MIGHT IMAGINE.

YOUR HANDS, I SUPPOSE.

NATURALLY.

YOU DON'T REALLY EXPECT TO
GET AWAY WITH THIS, DO YOU?

I DID, ACTUALLY, UNTIL NOW,

BUT YOU WOULDN'T PERMIT ME TO
MERELY THROW A SCARE INTO YOU,

SO YOU FORCED ME TO
TAKE HARSHER MEASURES

THAN I HAD PLANNED,

EXTREMELY HARSH.

YAH!

YOU DON'T HAVE A
PRAYER, MY FRIEND.

NO, LeBLANC, YOU DON'T.

I HAVE NEVER FENCED BEFORE,

BUT I HAVE READ ALL ABOUT IT.

EN GARDE.

THE KEYS, LeBLANC.

OH, ELLIOTT! OH, MR. FIELDING.

[CHUCKLES]

[MISS GATES AND ROARKE]
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO
YOU, TOM AND TRACY ♪

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KIDS.

AND NOW IT IS TIME FOR SOMETHING

MISS CAROL GATES HAS
BEEN WAITING TO SAY...

FOR 30 YEARS.

MISS GATES?

TOM...

TRACY...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHILDREN.

THANK YOU...

MOM.

OH.

THANK YOU, MR. ROARKE.

YOU'RE VERY WELCOME.
YOU, TOO, TATTOO.

EDNA AND I ARE GOING TO
BE MARRIED AND BECOME

THE FIRST HUSBAND AND WIFE
GHOSTBUSTING TEAM IN THE WORLD.

OH, I AM VERY HAPPY
FOR BOTH OF YOU,

AND THAT, MR. FIELDING,

MAY I SAY THAT YOU CERTAINLY
DEMONSTRATED AN UNCANNY ABILITY

AT HANDLING VERY
DIFFICULT CIRCUMSTANCES,

WHETHER THEY BE
GHOSTLY OR TANGIBLE.

WELL, I CAN'T TAKE ALL
THE CREDIT, MR. ROARKE.

OLD JACOBY THE GARDENER
TOLD ME WHERE TO FIND THE CAVE.

I NEVER COULD HAVE
DONE IT WITHOUT HIM.

OLD JACOBY?

THE GARDENER?

YES, WHY?

OH, NO, NO, NOTHING, NOTHING.

VERY... VERY HELPFUL MAN, YES.

WELL, ENJOY YOUR TRIP BACK.

THANKS AGAIN.

BYE. BYE. GOOD-BYE.

BOSS. HM?

SOMETHING I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I NEVER MET OLD JACOBY.

THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE.

OLD JACOBY HAS BEEN
DEAD MORE THAN 20 YEARS.