Fantasy Island (1977–1984): Season 2, Episode 19 - Spending Spree/The Hunted - full transcript

[BELL RINGING]

THE PLANE! THE PLANE!

[WOMEN CHATTERING]

TATTOO, WHAT'S WRONG?

IT'S NOTHING,
BOSS. IT'S NOTHING.

I'LL BE OKAY. I JUST HAVE
TO TAKE IT SLOW AND EASY.

BUT YOU'RE WALKING
LIKE A 90-YEAR-OLD MAN.

IT'S TRUE, THAT. [CHUCKLES]

WELL, AGE "CREEP-UPS" ON
YOU BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.

ONE DAY YOU ARE YOUNG
AND HEALTHY AND STRONG,

AND THE NEXT, HERE
IS THE ROCKING CHAIR



STARING AT YOU.

ALL RIGHT, TATTOO. WHAT'S
ALL THIS TALK ABOUT OLD AGE?

WHAT IS IT?

IT'S NOT ALL TALK, BOSS: LOOK.

WHAT?

LOOK, BOSS!

A GRAY HAIR?

MY FIRST. I FIND IT RIGHT HERE.

REALLY? WELL, UNLESS YOU
ARE DUE AT THE OLD AGE HOME

IN THE NEXT FEW MINUTES, I
SUGGEST WE GREET OUR GUESTS?

OHH.

SMILES, EVERYONE! SMILE!

[WOMEN LAUGHING]

♪♪ [HAWAIIAN GUITAR]



AH, MISS ESTHER BOLLING
AND MISS SALLY GLOVER,

ALL THE WAY FROM
TERRE HAUTE, INDIANA.

WHAT'S THEIR FANTASY, BOSS?

ONE SHARED BY MILLIONS
THE WORLD OVER, TATTOO.

THE TWO YOUNG LADIES WISH
TO GO ON A SHOPPING SPREE.

[TATTOO] ANYBODY CAN DO THAT.

REALLY? WITH HALF A MILLION
DOLLARS TO SQUANDER?

- HALF A MILLION DOLLARS?
- YES.

BUT, BOSS. WHERE ARE THEY
GONNA GET THAT KIND OF MONEY?

FROM THE SOAP COMPANY, WHICH
SPONSORED THE SPENDING SPREE.

[TATTOO] A HALF-MILLION
DOLLARS TO SPEND AS YOU WISH?

QUITE A FANTASY.

AH, BUT AT WHAT
PRICE, MY FRIEND?

THE COST COULD PROVE QUITE DEAR.

HE LOOKS KIND OF FAMILIAR, BOSS.

WHO IS HE?

MR. CHARLES WESLEY, POSSIBLY THE
WORLD'S FOREMOST BIG-GAME HUNTER.

AN ADVENTURER WITH
FORMIDABLE CREDENTIALS,

HE'S LIVED FOR
THRILLS, FOR THE CHASE,

PERHAPS THE INCALCULABLE RAPTURE

OF RISKING HIS LIFE AND WINNING.

NOW PROBABLY BORED WITH
LACK OF NEW CHALLENGES,

HE'S COME TO US.

BOSS, YOU'RE NOT GONNA
LET HIM HUNT THE BIG GAME

- ON FANTASY ISLAND, ARE YOU?
- YES.

AND NO.

PERHAPS I SHOULD REPHRASE IT.

MR. WESLEY HAS COME
TO THE ISLAND SEEKING

THE BIGGEST
ADVENTURE OF HIS LIFE.

- AND THAT'S HIS REMEDY?
- YES. HE'S ASKED ME...

TO CHOOSE THE QUARRY...
HIS ONLY STIPULATION IS

THAT THE HUNT BE
"EXCITING AND DANGEROUS."

UH, BOSS, WHAT HAVE
YOU CHOSEN FOR HIM?

WELL, NATURALLY, I FOLLOWED
HIS INSTRUCTIONS, TATTOO.

HIS EXPERIENCE WILL
BE MORE EXCITING...

AND DANGEROUS
THAN HE EVER IMAGINED.

MY DEAR GUESTS, I AM
MR. ROARKE, YOUR HOST.

WELCOME TO FANTASY ISLAND.

UH, THIS IS OUR MAIN
SHOPPING DISTRICT.

AS YOU CAN SEE, IT DOES
HAVE ITS LIMITATIONS

AS TO THE NUMBER OF STORES.

IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY
TO SPEND YOUR MONEY.

NO WAY. WE'LL SPEND IT LIKE
HOUDINI, DON'T YOU WORRY.

WON'T WE, SAL? OH, YES.

UM, YOU DO REALIZE, OF COURSE,

THAT THE SQUEAKY-CLEAN
SOAP COMPANY

WHICH SPONSORED
THE CONTEST YOU WON

UH, LAID DOWN CERTAIN RULES.

I KNOW. WE HAVE TO SPEND
ALL THE LOOT WITHIN 48 HOURS.

RIGHT.

AND IF WE DO, WE GET TO
KEEP EVERYTHING WE BOUGHT.

- RIGHT.
- AND IF YOU DON'T,

YOU WILL HAVE TO
BRING EVERYTHING BACK.

- RIGHT.
- WHAT ELSE, MR. ROARKE?

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO
PURCHASE ONE OF EACH ITEM ONLY.

ONE. IN OTHER WORDS,
ONE PIECE OF JEWELRY,

NOT THE ENTIRE STOCK
OF A JEWELRY STORE.

AND, UH, SHOULD YOU WISH TO
MAKE ANY SHORT-TERM INVESTMENTS,

THE MAXIMUM YOU
CAN INVEST IS $25,000.

IS THAT ALL? NOT QUITE.

YOU MUST PAY FAIR MARKET VALUE

FOR ALL ITEMS PURCHASED.

THIS IS TO PRECLUDE, UH,
THROWING YOUR MONEY AWAY

ON PALTRY ITEMS...
IS THAT CLEAR?

CLEAR. CLEAR.

MY ABLE ASSISTANT
HERE WILL ACT AS JUDGE.

HE WILL, THEREFORE, POP
IN ON YOU FROM TIME TO TIME.

MERELY TO OBSERVE.

OH, I KNOW. TO SEE IF
WE'RE CHEATING OR...

OH, WE WOULD NEVER
DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT,

REALLY, WOULD WE,
SAL? UH, NO, NO. NO.

OH, I AM SURE YOU WOULDN'T.

NO! UH, EACH BAG

CONTAINS $250,000, CASH.

AND THE CONTEST BEGINS RIGHT...

NOW.

- GOOD LUCK, LADIES.
- GOOD-BYE, MR. ROARKE.

THANK YOU!

GOSH, LOOK AT IT FROM THERE.

HOLD IT, SALLY. BETTER TAKE
A CHECK. JUST A QUICK CHECK.

[GASPS]

I SAY!

OH, WOW!

LET'S START WITH THAT
DRESS SHOP OVER THERE.

HOLD IT. DON'T
FORGET THE GAME PLAN.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
I'M SORRY, ESTHER.

WHAT'S THE FIRST
THING ON THE LIST?

FIRST, WE HIRE A TRUCK TO
CARRY EVERYTHING WE BUY.

HIRE A TRUCK? WE BUY A TRUCK!

AND A DRIVER TO GO WITH IT.

WHAT IF THE DRIVER'S
NOT FOR SALE?

COME ON, LET'S GO. HE'LL GO.

[LOUD REPORT]

AH, GOOD MORNING, MR. WESLEY.

MORNING, MR. ROARKE.

I HOPE I DIDN'T DISTURB
YOUR OTHER GUESTS.

BUT I WANTED TO
ZERO IN MY SIGHTS

BEFORE THE HUNT BEGINS. I SEE.

VERY PRUDENT.

AND VERY PRECISE.

WELL, I GUESS EVERYTHING
IS TAKEN CARE OF,

OTHER THAN YOU TELLING
ME WHAT I'M GOING AFTER.

TELL ME, MR. WESLEY,
WOULD YOU CONSIDER...

A SIBERIAN TIGER TO BE
A WORTHY ADVERSARY?

YES, I WOULD.

THEY'RE BIG AND FAST, AND
AS DANGEROUS AS THEY COME.

BIG AND FAST, TRUE. BUT ARE
THEY REALLY SO DANGEROUS?

I MEAN, THE ANIMAL MUST
GET CLOSE TO ITS ENEMY

TO USE ITS FANGS AND CLAWS.

HOWEVER, WITH THIS CLAW,

YOU CAN REACH OUT
AND STRIKE THEM AT, UH...

TWO OR THREE HUNDRED YARDS.

AND WHAT IS THE STOPPING
POWER OF THIS CARTRIDGE?

A TON OF ENERGY, OR MORE?

COMBINED WITH YOUR
DEMONSTRATED SKILLS,

THE ODDS AGAINST ANY ANIMAL

SEEM RIDICULOUSLY
STACKED IN YOUR FAVOR.

WHAT ARE YOU GETTING
AT, MISTER ROARKE?

I HAVE GIVEN...

YOU FANTASY MUCH
THOUGHT, MR. WESLEY.

AND FOR A QUARRY
THAT WILL TRULY...

I MEAN, TRULY...
TEST YOUR SKILL.

IF THAT'S WHAT YOU STILL WANT.

I'VE CHOSEN THIS.

GENERAL LIN SUN OF THE
REPUBLIC OF CHONG-TOO.

A MAN? YOU WANT
ME TO HUNT A MAN?

AN UNUSUAL MAN, OF
MANY REPUTATIONS.

HIS MANY SUPPORTERS CALL
HIM THE GEORGE WASHINGTON

OF HIS COUNTRY, AN
ENLIGHTENED BENEFACTOR

AND FORCE FOR THE FUTURE...

NOW, HIS ENEMIES CALL HIM A
CORRUPT AND RUTHLESS DICTATOR.

IF YOU'RE ASKING ME TO
KILL HIM, THE ANSWER IS NO.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO
KILL HIM, MR. WESLEY.

JUST SHOOT HIM.

WITH THIS.

A CAMERA.

IT'S ALREADY BEEN ENGINEERED
TO FIT ON YOUR RIFLE.

WELL, COME NOW, MR. WESLEY,
WHY DO YOU HESITATE?

YOU DID ASK FOR A
DANGEROUS HUNT,

DID YOU NOT?

AND IF GENERAL SUN'S
ENEMIES ARE TO BE BELIEVED,

HE IS THE MOST DANGEROUS ANIMAL

IN THE WORLD.

IF YOU ACCEPT THE CHALLENGE,

UH, THIS MAP SHOWS
THE WAY TO HIS VILLA

ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ISLAND.

THERE ARE SOLDIERS POSTED
AROUND IT 24 HOURS A DAY...

ARMED, OF COURSE,
WITH AUTOMATIC WEAPONS.

AND HAVE ORDERS
TO SHOOT TO KILL.

I DID ASK FOR IT
TO BE DANGEROUS.

- YES, YOU DID.
- I'LL SEE YOU MONDAY MORNING,
MR. ROARKE.

I SINCERELY HOPE SO, MR. WESLEY.

READY, SALLY? I'VE NEVER
BEEN READIER, ESTHER.

GOOD.

[STOREKEEPER] MY MOST
EXPENSIVE ITEM, YOU SAID?

[ESTHER] YES.

WELL, I'M AFRAID, LADIES,
YOU'VE CAUGHT ME

WITH MY INVENTORY
RATHER DEPLETED,

BUT I DO HAVE ONE
EXTRAORDINARY NECKLACE.

THE MOST PERFECTLY
CUT DIAMONDS...

SET IN PLATINUM.

- WE'LL TAKE IT.
- BUT YOU DIDN'T
EVEN ASK HOW MUCH.

OKAY, HOW MUCH?

$40,000.

- SHE'LL TAKE IT.
- OH, ESTHER.

I WANTED YOU TO HAVE IT.

BUT IT'LL LOOK DARLING ON YOU.

OH, ESTHER, I INSIST!

OKAY. JUST IN THE
INTERESTS OF TIME.

BUT AFTER THE CONTEST, I
WANT YOU TO HAVE IT FOR KEEPS.

YOU KNOW WHAT, ESTHER?

YOU'RE THE NICEST
FRIEND A GIRL EVER HAD.

SAME FOR YOU,
SALLY. SHE'LL TAKE IT.

[CASH REGISTER RINGS]

WOW, WE CAN REALLY
GO TO TOWN IN HERE, SAL.

YEAH, LOOK AT THOSE
EXPENSIVE PRICE TAGS.

CAN YOU BELIEVE 'EM?

HE'S GOT A CASH
REGISTER SO HOT IT SIZZLES!

[RINGING UP SALES]

EXCUSE ME. I'LL TAKE THAT.

AND THAT TOO.

[WESLEY] HMM. SO FAR, SO GOOD.

[DOGS BARKING]

ACCORDING TO THE
LATEST COMMUNIQUÉ,

OUR FORCES ARE GATHERED HERE,

ANOTHER HERE.

THE CAPITAL MUST
FALL, EXCELLENCY,

WITHIN THE NEXT FEW DAYS.

WHICH MEANS, WE SHALL
SOON BE GOING HOME.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, LI?
DOES THAT PLEASE YOU?

IF IT PLEASES YOU.

THE NEWS PEOPLE ARE STILL
WAITING FOR A STATEMENT

ON YOUR RETURN TO POWER.

ALL IN GOOD TIME, COLONEL.

NOW LEAVE US, PLEASE.

[RABBIT SHRIEKING]

[CRIES OUT]

[DOGS BARK, WHINE]

YOU, MY LITTLE FRIEND, ARE
GONNA HELP ME DISTRACT

THOSE SOLDIERS AND THEIR DOGS.

[WHINING] HAVE NO FEAR,

YOU'RE FAR TOO CLEVER FOR THEM.

[BARKING]

[SHOUTING]

[SOLDIERS] HEY! [LOUD BARKING]

EXCUSE ME.

[CLICKING]

[CLICKING]

[THUDS]

OH, THANK YOU SO
MUCH, MR. TATTOO.

YOU'RE SO WISE!

I WILL ADVISE YOU
FURTHER TONIGHT,

AT DINNERTIME! [CHUCKLES]

TATTOO! WHAT'S
HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR?

IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE
TURNING WHITE OVERNIGHT.

YOU LIKE IT, BOSS?

WELL, UH...

IT'S PART OF MY NEW IMAGE.

THE MATURE MAN IS IN.

GIRLS TRUST A MAN
WHO LOOKS EXPERIENCED,

AND ONE GRAY
HAIR WOULDN'T DO IT.

I SEE.

BOSS, TRUST ME. IT
WORKS LIKE A CHARM.

EXCUSE ME.

AH, MY DEAR. I'VE BEEN
GIVING SOME MATURE THOUGHT

TO YOUR PROBLEM.

WHY DON'T WE DISCUSS
IT NEAR THE LAGOON, HMM?

GET AWAY FROM ME.

YOU DIRTY OLD MAN.

WIN SOME, LOSE SOME.

[ESTHER] WE WANT
TO BUY $25,000 WORTH

OF YOUR MOST WORTHLESS STOCK.

BUT ALL MY CUSTOMERS
COME HERE TO MAKE MONEY.

TRI-CONTINENTAL
OIL COULDN'T FIND OIL

IN RUDOLPH VALENTINO'S HAIR.

GREAT! THAT SOUNDS TERRIFIC!

LAST CHANCE, MR. DOW.

WILL YOU OR WON'T YOU SELL
US TRI-CONTINENTAL OIL STOCK?

[SIGHS]

WELL, THE CUSTOMER'S
ALWAYS RIGHT.

[CASH REGISTER RINGS]

WOW! THIS IS GENUINE,
HONEST-TO-GOODNESS...

- MILLIONAIRE'S CRYSTAL!
- [BEEPING]

[BEEPING]

HOW WE DOIN' ON TIME, SAL?

WHO CARES ABOUT
TIME? JUST SPEND.

- [CASH REGISTER DINGS]
- [CALCULATOR BEEPS]

[ESTHER] ARE WE GOING
TOO FAST FOR YOU, TATTOO?

[SALLY] YEAH, WE DON'T WANT
YOUR CALCULATOR TO BURN OUT.

WE CAN ALWAYS BUY
HIM A NEW ONE. [BEEPS]

[ESTHER] ONE? WE'LL
BUY HIM A CARLOAD!

[REGISTER RINGS]

[BEEPING]

YOU VERY NEARLY SUCCEEDED
IN YOUR MISSION, MR. WESLEY.

YOU KNOW ME? FROM THE
IDENTIFICATION IN YOUR WALLET.

WHO PAID YOU TO ASSASSINATE ME?

ASSASSINATE YOU?

I'M AFRAID THAT'D BE
AWFUL HARD TO DO.

I ONLY HAD A CAMERA GUN.

THIS IS YOUR RIFLE.

YES.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

SOMEONE MUST HAVE LOADED IT.

[MAGAZINE CLICKING]
OH, COME NOW.

THEN WHERE'S THE CAMERA?

I'M TELLING YOU, I ONLY
HAD A CAMERA GUN.

UNFORTUNATELY,
THERE IS NO EVIDENCE

TO SUPPORT YOUR CONTENTION
THAT YOU BROUGHT WITH YOU

ONLY A CAMERA-GUN.

WHICH LEAVES ME WITH
BUT ONE ALTERNATIVE:

TOMORROW AT DAWN,
YOU SHALL BE EXECUTED.

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- [FOOTSTEPS]

THE NEWSMEN HAVE HEARD OF
THE ATTEMPTED ASSASSINATION,

YOUR EXCELLENCY.

I SEE.

THEY KNOW HE'S AMERICAN?

THEY'LL FIND OUT, SOON ENOUGH.

THE SITUATION MUST BE
HANDLED WITH DELICACY.

IT WOULDN'T BE GOOD
PUBLIC RELATIONS

FOR ME TO SHOOT AN AMERICAN ON
THE VERGE OF MY RETURN TO POWER.

IN POLITICS... IMAGE
IS EVERYTHING.

DON'T YOU AGREE, MR. WESLEY?

I DO, IF IT'LL KEEP ME
AWAY FROM A FIRING SQUAD.

TELL THE NEWS PEOPLE...

THEY CAN QUESTION HIM TOMORROW
AT A NOON PRESS CONFERENCE.

THEY CAN SEE FOR THEMSELVES
THAT HE HAS NOT BEEN MISTREATED,

AND WILL RECEIVE A FAIR
TRIAL ONCE MY REGIME

- IS REESTABLISHED.
- YES, EXCELLENCY.

WISELY HANDLED.

A FINE MAN, COLONEL CHANG.

MUCH MORE IDEALISTIC THAN
THAT OLD BATTLE-SCARRED FACE

MIGHT SUGGEST.

SO MUCH SO, I'M NOT
ALWAYS ABLE TO TELL HIM

THE WHOLE TRUTH...

BUT NOW.

AS I WAS SAYING,
YOU'LL BE SHOT AT DAWN.

YOU KNOW, ESTHER,
THIS IS MY IDEA OF FUN.

SOMETHING I DREAMED
ABOUT ALL MY LIFE.

DID YA? I WAS BORN
TO SPEND MONEY.

AND SPEND AND SPEND AND SPEND!

[SALLY] BYE! THANKS A LOT!

[CHATTERING]

GOOD-BYE! COME ON, MIKE!

[HONKING]

[SALLY] YOU KNOW
WHAT, ESTHER? WHAT?

THIS IS JUST LIKE CHRISTMAS
MORNING WITHOUT ALL THE SNOW.

YEAH. [GIGGLES]

I CAN'T WAIT TILL
THE GUYS BACK HOME

SEE US WITH A HALF-MILLION
DOLLARS' WORTH OF GOODIES.

YEAH. YOU LIKE THIS
BLACK DRESS, SAL?

NOT REALLY. YEAH,
IT IS RATHER TACKY.

I'LL TAKE IT! [LAUGHS]

WILL YOU KINDLY SIT STILL?

KINDA UPPITY, AREN'T WE?

FYI, MR. HUDSON
IS NOT IN THE HABIT

OF MAKING HOUSE CALLS.

FYI, HE IS WHEN HE
GETS A $1,000 FEE FOR IT.

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

AH, MR. HUDSON. I TRUST
WE'RE NOT INTERFERING WITH

YOUR ENDEAVORS? WELL, WHY NOT?

EVERYBODY ELSE DOES.

GOOD AFTERNOON, LADIES.
GOOD AFTERNOON, MR. ROARKE.

WELL, IT SEEMS THAT
YOUR SHOPPING SPREE

IS PROGRESSING
VERY NICELY, ISN'T IT?

SMOOTH AS SILK. WE JUST STOPPED
IN HERE TO RECHARGE OUR BATTERIES.

ME TOO. UH, YES.

WELL, I AM PLEASED THAT YOU DID,

BECAUSE I HAVE
SOMETHING RATHER...

UNUSUAL TO TELL YOU.

THIS TELEGRAM ARRIVED
A SHORT WHILE AGO.

IT'S FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE
SQUEAKY-CLEAN SOAP COMPANY,

SPONSORS OF THE CONTEST...

IT SEEMS THAT, UH,

MY ORIGINAL INTERPRETATION
OF THE RULES WAS IN ERROR.

YOU SEE, INSTEAD OF SPENDING
THE HALF-MILLION DOLLARS AS A TEAM,

YOU TWO LADIES
ARE... COMPETITORS.

COMPETITORS? COMPETITORS?

THAT'S WHAT MY BOSS SAID.

YOU MEAN, WE HAVE TO TRY
AND OUTSPEND EACH OTHER?

PRECISELY.

BUT THAT MEANS...

IT MEANS THAT THE FIRST
ONE TO SPEND ALL HER MONEY

IS THE WINNER, YOU SEE?

AND IF NEITHER OF YOU
SPENDS IT BEFORE THE DEADLINE,

YOU BOTH LOSE!

BUT, MR. ROARKE, ME AND SALLY
WERE FRIENDS, NOT COMPETITORS.

OH, I UNDERSTAND, MISS
BOLLING, I UNDERSTAND.

I THEREFORE SUGGEST...

THAT YOU BOTH LOOK UPON IT,

NOT AS COMPETITION...
NO, NO, NO, NO.

MERELY AS AN
ENJOYABLE INTERLUDE.

WELL, GOOD LUCK TO
BOTH OF YOU. TATTOO.

UH, LADIES? THE NAILS ARE
VERY NICE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

ESTHER, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

SIMPLE. YOU'RE GONNA
WIN THE CONTEST.

WHY ME?

BECAUSE YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.

BESIDES, YOU NEED
IT MORE THAN I DO.

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

OH. COME ON, NO OFFENSE, HONEST.

IT'S JUST THAT WE BOTH
KNOW, YOU HAVE MORE TROUBLE

GETTING YOUR ACT
TOGETHER THAN I DO.

IS THAT A FACT? SURE.

ADMIT YOU REALLY
COULD USE THE MONEY.

LOOK, YOU COULD CASH
IN SOME OF YOUR ITEMS,

AND GET YOUR FACE FIXED.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY FACE?

WELL, FOR ONE THING,
YOUR NOSE IS CROOKED...

YOU'VE BEEN SAYING
THAT FOR YEARS.

AND BESIDES THAT, BOTH
OF YOUR EARS ARE TOO BIG.

WELL, AS LONG AS WE'RE
GOING TO TALK ABOUT BIG,

HOW 'BOUT THOSE TWO
GUNBOATS YOU WALK AROUND ON?

YOU COULD CASH IN YOUR WINNINGS
AND GET YOUR FEET SHRUNK.

YOU KNOW THE CONTEST
I WAS LETTING YOU WIN?

YEAH?

WELL, FORGET IT.
I'M GONNA WIN IT.

HA. THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK!
NO, THAT'S WHAT I KNOW!

GOOD-BYE.

[CLOSES DOOR]

NOW, YOU'VE COME A LITTLE
BIT EARLY, HAVEN'T YOU?

IT'S NOT GONNA BE
DAWN FOR A HALF-HOUR.

I HAD TROUBLE SLEEPING. YOUR
CONSCIENCE BOTHERING YOU?

FOR SHOOTING AN INNOCENT MAN?

ACTUALLY, IT WAS
ANTICIPATION OF THE HUNT.

AN EMOTION YOU SHOULD
UNDERSTAND VERY WELL, MR. WESLEY.

YOU SAID "ANTICIPATION
OF THE HUNT."

NOT "ANTICIPATION OF THE KILL."

THAT SLIGHT DIFFERENCE...

THAT HAS SIGNIFICANCE?

OH, I THINK ONE
FOLLOWS THE OTHER.

AS DAWN IS ABOUT
TO FOLLOW THE NIGHT.

YOU KNOW...

THAT MY RIFLE WAS EQUIPPED
WITH A CAMERA ONLY, DON'T YOU?

YES.

I'M BEGINNING TO...

TO SEE ALL THE WORST...

IN MYSELF, EXPOSED ANEW.

WITH A SMALL DIFFERENCE.

I GAVE THEM A CHANCE.

A SLIMMER ONE THAN I
USED TO ADMIT, MAYBE,

BUT-BUT I NEVER STOOD
THEM IN A CORRAL,

OR UP AGAINST A
WALL AND SHOT 'EM!

OH, YOU'LL GET YOUR
CHANCE, MR. WESLEY.

YOU HAVE A CERTAIN
REPUTATION AS A HUNTER.

NOW TELL ME: HAVE YOU
EVER BEEN THE HUNTED?

- I DON'T FOLLOW YOU.
- [CHUCKLES] YOU'VE GOT
THAT WRONG, MR. WESLEY.

YOU SEE, I'M GOING
TO BE FOLLOWING YOU.

IN EXACTLY 20 MINUTES,
I'M GOING TO WITHDRAW

THE SENTRIES GUARDING
THE SOUTH WALL.

YOU SHALL BE ALLOWED TO ESCAPE.

YOU MEAN, YOU'RE
GOING TO HUNT ME.

YES. WITH YOUR OWN GUN.

BECAUSE IN THAT TIME,
YOU REALIZE WHAT IT'S LIKE

TO BE HUNTED.

TWENTY MINUTES, MR. WESLEY.

[BIRD CHIRPING]

WELL, GENTLEMEN,
SHALL WE BEGIN THE HUNT?

COME ON.

[DOG BARKS]

[BARKING CONTINUES]

[BARKING]

[BARKING IN DISTANCE]

RELEASE THE DOGS!

[BARKING]

[BARKING]

[WHINING]

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE DOGS?

GUNPOWDER, GENERAL.
TO GET IN THEIR NOSES

SO THEY LOSE THE SCENT.

[SALLY] HURRY. THE RULES SAY WE
HAVE TO START SHOPPING TOGETHER.

[ESTHER] IMPOSSIBLE. I HAVE
TO WASH MY "GUNBOATS."

[SHOWER RUNNING]

NOW SHE'LL NEVER
RUN OUT OF MONEY.

[SHOWER SPLASHING]

THIS'LL FIX HER WAGON.

AH, THERE YOU ARE,
MR. ROARKE. TATTOO.

I MUST THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY
FANTASY SO INTERESTING THUS FAR.

WELL, I AM EXTREMELY
PLEASED EVERYTHING

IS TO YOUR LIKING, MR. COLLINS.

OH, IT'S MORE THAN
I EVER DREAMED OF.

UH, WE SAIL WITH THE TIDE.

YOU KNOW, I FEEL LIKE
CAPTAIN AHAB IN MOBY DICK.

AHH. WELL, PARDON ME.

YES, SIR.

BOSS, WHAT'S HIS FANTASY?

HE WANTS TO CATCH
THE GREAT WHITE WHALE?

NO, TATTOO.
MR. COLLINS'S FANTASY IS...

TO BE MAROONED
ON A DESERT ISLAND.

"MAROON"? HE MUST BE CRAZY.

NO, IT'S NOT SO CRAZY,
NOT AFTER YOU SEE

MR. COLLINS'S CREW!

[COLLINS LAUGHING]

[CONTINUES]

OH, CONTROL YOURSELVES, MATES.

WE'RE NOT EVEN
MAROONED YET! [CHUCKLES]

AS SOON AS WE GET TO THE ISLAND,
WE'LL HAVE SOME CHAMPAGNE AND CAVIAR.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

[WOMEN LAUGHING]

HERE WE ARE. [SHRIEKING]

HELP ME UP! GOT YOU.

- GET ME UP.
- TAKE HIM BACK TO THE VILLA.

- I'LL GO ON ALONE.
- BUT GENERAL...

DO AS YOU'RE ORDERED!

[GRUNTS]

[KNIFE SPLASHES]

[TIRES SCREECH]

ROLLER SKATES! WHAT ABOUT A
CHEATER? SHE TAKES THE CAKE!

I'LL GET HER!

[CASH REGISTER DINGS]

[ESTHER] WHERE
IS IT? WHERE IS IT?

HUH? WHERE'S WHAT?

THE SABLE COAT YOU ADVERTISED...

I SEE IT! I GOT IT!

LADIES, WILL YOU STOP THAT?

NO, I GOT IT. I CAN
GET IT. STOP IT.

MY SABLE. STOP THAT. [RIPPING]

NOW GIVE ME, I GOT
IT! MY PRECIOUS SABLE!

$30,000 WORTH!

I'LL PAY FOR IT!
OH, NO YOU DON'T!

I'LL PAY FOR IT.

THERE. HERE'S HALF.
THERE YOU GO. I PAY FOR IT.

HERE IS MINE. I'LL PAY HALF!

DON'T BOTHER WRAPPING IT.

I'LL JUST WEAR MINE OUT.

HE TOLD ME TO.

[LAUGHS] THANK
GOODNESS I'VE FOUND YOU.

LADIES, I'VE GOT
THE GREATEST NEWS.

WELL... WHAT IS THAT
BOTH OF YOU ARE WEARING?

AH, IT'S A LONG STORY.

TRI-CONTINENTAL OIL
ACTUALLY STRUCK OIL.

YOU MADE A PROFIT OF $100,000!

YOU CALL THAT "GOOD NEWS"?

I THOUGHT YOU'D BE PLEASED.

YOUR PROFIT.

50,000 EACH.

[SIGHS]

THANKS A LOT.

HUH. I'M REALLY SORRY.

I'VE GOT LESS THAN AN
HOUR, AND YOU GIVE ME

$50,000 TO SPEND.

AH, GOOD AFTERNOON, LADIES.

HOW GOES YOUR SHOPPING
SPREE? NOT SO GOOD, MR. ROARKE.

THE RICH GET RICHER.
WELL, I CAME TO WARN YOU.

BE VERY CAREFUL OF YOUR BAGS.

A PURSE-SNATCHER HAS
ALREADY STRUCK THREE TIMES.

- HE DID?
- I'M AFRAID SO.

A... PURSE-SNATCHER, HUH?

YES.

WHERE DID THAT HAPPEN?

OH, THREE BLOCKS FROM HERE.

THREE BLOCKS, YOU SAY?

WAIT FOR... [GRUNTS]

EXCUSE ME. I UNDERSTAND
THERE'S A PURSE-SNATCHER

ON THE LOOSE AROUND HERE?

- THAT'S RIGHT.
- WELL, IN THAT CASE
I BETTER BE VERY CAREFUL.

I'M CARRYING A BIG WAD OF MONEY!

IN MY PURSE! MONEY!
HAVE I GOT MONEY!

COMPARED TO MY WAD,
YOUR WAD IS CHICKEN FEED!

WHY DON'T YOU GET LOST? I
STAKED OUT THIS AREA FIRST.

IT'S A PUBLIC SIDEWALK. WELL,
I'M HEADING IN THAT DIRECTION,

AND I CERTAINLY HOPE YOU
HEAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION.

[SHOUTING] I'VE GOT
TO BE VERY CAREFUL!

I CARRY A LOT OF MONEY! CAREFUL!

HOW MUCH ARE YOUR PENCILS?

IT DEPENDS ON HOW
MUCH YOU WANT TO GIVE.

UH, CAN YOU CRACK A
HUNDRED-DOLLAR BILL?

HUNDRED-DOLLAR BILL? CRACK IT?

I COULD DO BETTER THAN
THAT, I COULD TAKE IT!

JUST THE MAN WE'VE
BEEN LOOKING FOR.

NICE WORK, LADY.

YOU'RE REALLY FAST ON YOUR FEET.

LET'S ALL GO DOWN
TO THE STATION.

WHY ME?

YOU GOT A $5,000
REWARD COMING TO YOU,

FOR THE CAPTURE OF
THIS PURSE-SNATCHER.

OH, GOSH! DO I
HAVE TO ACCEPT IT?

WHAT I MEAN IS, I REALLY
DON'T NEED THE MONEY.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW, UH...

THIS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.

WHY CAN'T WE PRETEND LIKE
IT NEVER HAPPENED AT ALL?

UH, LISTEN. JUST GIVE MY REWARD TO
THE UH, POLICEMAN'S ATHLETIC LEAGUE.

- OKAY?
- IF YOU SAY SO.

OH, I DEFINITELY SAY SO. SEE YA.

[ROARKE'S VOICE] THE ANIMAL
MUST GET CLOSE TO ITS ENEMY,

TO USE ITS FANGS AND CLAWS.

WITH THIS CLAW, YOU CAN
REACH OUT AND STRIKE THEM

AT TWO OR THREE HUNDRED YARDS.

ODDS LOOK...

THERE'S NO CHANCE AT ALL.

A RIFLE OF THIS CALIBER COULD
EASILY SHOOT THROUGH THE WOOD

AND KILL YOU, MR. WESLEY.

I'D PREFER TO DO
IT FACE TO FACE.

I LOVE THIS.

COME OUT, PLEASE!

CRIPPLE HIM.

WELL DONE. COME, GENTLEMEN.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, MR. WESLEY?

I AM NOW.

WHAT'S THE MEANING
OF THIS, COLONEL?

LI FOUND THIS IN YOUR
DRAWER AND BROUGHT IT TO ME.

I HAD TO STOP YOU
FROM KILLING HIM.

IT'S RIDICULOUS!

HE'D ESCAPED! I JUST
RECAPTURED HIM,

AND WAS GOING TO BRING HIM BACK.

[ROARKE] YOUR MEN HAVE ALREADY
TOLD US THE TRUTH, GENERAL.

THEY CONFESSED YOU KNEW
MR. WESLEY ONLY INTENDED

TO PHOTOGRAPH YOU,

BUT YOU WERE HUNTING HIM
DOWN TO KILL HIM, ANYWAY,

FOR SPORT.

YOU SEE, MR. WESLEY,

COLONEL CHANG
ALSO HAD A FANTASY:

THAT A SUCCESSFUL
REVOLUTION WOULD NOT RETURN

GENERAL SUN TO POWER,

AS I TOLD YOU, THE GENERAL
HAS MANY REPUTATIONS

AND MANY OF HIS PEOPLE BELIEVED

THE GOOD ONE.

THE WRONG ONE.

AFTER THESE GENTLEMEN TELL
WHAT HAPPENED HERE TODAY,

I AM SURE THAT
PEOPLE OF CHANG-TOO...

WILL CHOOSE SOMEONE ELSE
TO HEAD THEIR NEW GOVERNMENT.

I DON'T KNOW...
HOW TO THANK YOU.

I BELIEVE THIS IS
YOURS, MR. WESLEY.

[RIFLE CLATTERS]

FROM YOUR DEJECTED
LOOKS, I WOULD SAY THAT

WE DON'T HAVE A WINNER,
NOW AM I CORRECT?

- I'VE GOT 25,000 LEFT.
- I'VE GOT NEARLY 27.

OHH, THAT'S TOO BAD.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

THOUGH IT'S NOT
QUITE 5:00 PM YET.

YOU WILL EXCUSE ME IF
I ATTEND TO THE NEEDS

OF THESE TWO UNFORTUNATE
GENTLEMEN, WON'T YOU?

YOU SEE, THEY LIVE ON
A NEIGHBORING ISLAND,

AND THEIR FARMS ARE LITERALLY
SINKING INTO THE OCEAN.

THEY'RE ALREADY UNDER
TWO FEET OF WATER.

HOLD IT! MR. ROARKE!

THEIR FARMS, BY ANY CHANCE,
WOULDN'T BE FOR SALE?

OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

- YOU SEE, THEIR FARMS ARE...
- I'LL GIVE YOU $27,000 ALMOST,

FOR YOUR FARM... IS IT A DEAL?

DEAL.

I'LL GIVE YOU 25,000.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?

I SAY OKAY!

OH! OH, THERE IT IS. [LAUGHING]

[MEN LAUGHING]

WELL, IT LOOKS
LIKE WE HAVE A TIE.

ARE YOU LADIES ABSOLUTELY
CERTAIN THAT YOU HAVE

NO MORE MONEY LEFT?

I SUGGEST THAT YOU EACH GIVE
YOUR BAGS ONE FINAL CHECK, MM?

- WHY, YOU...
- ME?

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

30 SECONDS LEFT, LADIES.

28...

24... NO!

- [BRAKES SCREECHING]
- AH!

GO AHEAD, ESTHER, YOU
STILL HAVE TIME TO WIN.

I'M ALL RIGHT.

GOD, I HATE THE CONTEST.

WHAT ARE YOU FEELING?
I'M MORE SCARED THAN HURT.

I'M SORRY.

I THINK I JUST SCRAPED
MY KNEE. [LAUGHS]

I AM SO SORRY, LADIES.
I'M AFRAID YOU BOTH LOST.

DIDN'T WE, MR. ROARKE?
DID WE INDEED?

♪♪ [HAWAIIAN GUITAR]

WHAT WILL YOU DO FOR
THRILLS, NOW THAT YOU WON'T BE

HUNTING TROPHIES
ANYMORE, MR. WESLEY?

I'M NOT SURE.

I SPEND SO MUCH OF
MY TIME RISKING MY LIFE,

I NEVER LEARNED HOW
TO ENJOY JUST LIVING IT.

THANK YOU, MR. ROARKE.
YOU'RE VERY WELCOME.

TATTOO? BYE-BYE. GOOD-BYE.

WELL, GOOD-BYE, GENTLEMEN.

IT'S BEEN A VERY
ENLIGHTENING WEEKEND.

- NOT TO MENTION EXPENSIVE.
- [CHUCKLES]

SEEING AS YOU WERE BOTH
PERMITTED TO KEEP ONE ITEM

AS A CONSOLATION PRIZE,

UM, I AM VERY ANXIOUS TO
KNOW WHAT EACH OF YOU CHOSE.

WELL, TO ME, MR. ROARKE,
THE MOST MEANINGFUL GIFT

WAS THE ONE ESTHER GOT ME.

IT'S A HAND-CARVED,
GOLD-INLAID POOL CUE.

[CHUCKLES]

BEAUTIFUL.

KIND OF A CAUGHT
BEHIND THE 8-BALL SOUND.

AND WHAT DID YOU
CHOOSE, MISS BOLLING?

SOMETHING VERY
SPECIAL SAL BOUGHT ME.

THIS IS... OPEN IT.

A CARRYING BAG
FOR MY BOWLING BALL.

- MINK-LINED.
- [CHUCKLES]

AH, BUT I'M SURE THE
MOST PRECIOUS GIFT OF ALL

WAS THE RESTORATION OF
YOUR FRIENDSHIP, WASN'T IT?

AS A WISE MAN ONCE SAID,

WE SHOULD ALL KEEP
OUR FRIENDSHIPS

IN A CONSTANT STATE OF REPAIR.

WE'LL REMEMBER THAT, MR. ROARKE.

- WELL, GOOD-BYE, MR. ROARKE.
- GOOD-BYE, MISS GLOVER.

- BYE, TATTOO.
- GOOD-BYE.

GOOD-BYE, MR. ROARKE. GOOD-BYE.

GOOD-BYE.

AH, TATTOO! I SEE
YOUR HAIR IS BACK

TO ITS NORMAL COLOR, HUH?

YES. I GUESS I PANICKED
A LITTLE TOO SOON.

ONE GRAY HAIR DOES NOT
MEAN THAT YOU GROW OLD.

WELL, OF COURSE NOT.

OW! WHAT DID YOU DO, BOSS?

NOTHING. NOTHING.

BOSS, DID YOU FIND
ANOTHER GRAY HAIR?

- NO!
- YES, YOU DID.

TORTURE ME. I WANT TO SEE IT!

[LAUGHING HEARTILY]