Fantasy Island (1977–1984): Season 2, Episode 18 - Pentagram/A Little Ball/The Casting Director - full transcript

♪♪

[CLANGING]

THE PLANE! THE PLANE!

TATTOO, IS SOMETHING THE MATTER?

MY COUSIN HUGO,
HE'S IN THE HOSPITAL.

OH, THAT'S TERRIBLE.
WHAT'S WRONG?

HIS GIRLFRIEND. WHEN SHE
FOUND OUT HE WAS MARRIED,

SHE THREW HIM OVER.

BUT WHY WOULD HIS
GIRLFRIEND THROWING HIM OVER

PUT HIM IN THE HOSPITAL?

BECAUSE SHE THREW
HIM OVER A CLIFF.



SMILES, EVERYONE, SMILES!

♪♪

TATTOO: WHO IS SHE, BOSS?

MR. ROARKE: SISTER MARY THERESA.

YOU MEAN SHE'S A NUN?

BUT HOW COME SHE'S
DRESSED LIKE THAT?

BECAUSE, FOR THIS WEEKEND,
SHE WANTS TO BE JUST MARY HOYT,

THE WOMAN SHE WAS BEFORE
SHE ENTERED THE CONVENT

AND BECAME A SISTER
ALMOST SEVEN YEARS AGO.

TATTOO: SHE DOES NOT
WANT TO BE A NUN ANYMORE?

EVEN SHE IS NOT SURE, TATTOO.

EVER SINCE HER BEST FRIEND,
ALSO A NUN, DIED LAST MONTH

AT THE AGE OF 35.

SISTER MARY THERESA'S WONDERING



IF SHE WAS EVER MEANT
TO BE A NUN AT ALL.

AND NOW, NEXT WEEK, SHE'S
SUPPOSED TO TAKE HER FINAL VOWS,

VOWS THAT WILL LAST A LIFETIME.

BUT, BOSS, HOW CAN WE HELP HER?

BY HELPING HER MAKE
HER CHOICE VERY CLEAR.

YOU SEE, SEVERAL YEARS
AGO SHE MET A YOUNG MAN,

A YOUNG MAN WHO DOESN'T
EVEN REMEMBER HER,

BUT THERE WAS SOMETHING
SPECIAL ABOUT HIM,

SOMETHING THAT, IF THERE
WERE EVER A MAN SHE COULD LOVE,

BE A WIFE TO, HE
COULD BE THAT MAN.

CAN YOU DO THAT, BOSS?

CAN YOU BRING THAT MAN HERE?

HE'S ALREADY ON
THE ISLAND, TATTOO.

THEY WILL MEET THIS WEEKEND,
AND SISTER MARY THERESA

WILL HAVE TO MAKE
HER DECISION...

HIM... OR THE CHURCH.

MR. FELIX BIRDSONG, A
CERTIFIED PUBLIC ACCOUNTANT

ALL THE WAY FROM
WAUKEGAN, ILLINOIS.

WHAT'S HIS FANTASY, BOSS?

OH, ONE SHARED BY
MILLIONS OF RED-BLOODED MEN

THROUGHOUT THE WORLD, TATTOO.

MR. BIRDSONG, AN AVID
MOVIE FAN ALL HIS LIFE,

WISHES TO BECOME

CASTING DIRECTOR FOR
A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE.

YOU MEAN WITH ALL
THESE BEAUTIFUL STARLETS

CHASING AFTER HIM
TO GET THE PART?

OH, MUCH MORE
THAN THAT, MY FRIEND.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, BOSS?

WELL, YOU SEE, THE NAME OF THE
MOVIE MR. BIRDSONG IS CASTING

IS "THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
GIRL IN THE WORLD."

IT WILL BE HIS
RESPONSIBILITY TO DECIDE

WHICH OF THE GORGEOUS 20
FINALISTS ALREADY ASSEMBLED HERE

BEST BEFITS THE TITLE.

DO YOU THINK HE
NEEDS AN ASSISTANT?

OH, I KNOW HER!

IT'S MISS GARWOOD, THE
FAMOUS NEWS LADY ON TV.

THAT'S RIGHT.

IS SHE HERE FOR A
BIG AWARD SHOW?

WELL, THAT'S WHAT MISS GARWOOD
WOULD LIKE THE WORLD TO BELIEVE.

IN FACT, IT'S ALREADY
BEEN ANNOUNCED

SHE'S WON THE MOST
PRESTIGIOUS HONOR.

BUT THERE IS SOMETHING ELSE?

THERE MOST CERTAINLY IS, TATTOO.

YOU SEE, MISS GARWOOD
WON HER AWARD FOR AN EXPOSE

OF SATANIC CULTS
CALLED THE BLACK MASS.

SINCE THAT PROGRAM
WAS AIRED A YEAR AGO,

THREE MEN VERY CLOSE TO HER
HAVE ALL DIED IN TRAGIC ACCIDENTS,

AND SHE BLAMES HERSELF.

YOU MEAN SHE'S A JINX?

CURSED IS THE WORD THE
HIGH PRIEST OF THE CULT

USED AGAINST HER.

BUT, BOSS, IF THIS
HAS SOMETHING TO DO

WITH THE SUPERNATURAL,
HOW CAN WE HELP HER?

MY DEAR GUESTS, I AM
MR. ROARKE, YOUR HOST.

WELCOME TO FANTASY ISLAND!

SISTER? OH, I MEAN MISS HOYT.

I HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING YOURSELF.

YES, I AM, THANK YOU.

OH, I'M VERY GLAD.

I MUST ADMIT, I NEVER EXPECTED

TO FIND A SHRINE OF
SAINT THERESA HERE.

AH, ON FANTASY ISLAND,
MANY THINGS ARE UNEXPECTED.

I'M BEGINNING TO BELIEVE THAT.

YOU SEE, IN A WAY IT'S ONLY
FITTING THAT SHE'D BE HERE NOW.

OH?

WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL,

I READ THERESA'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY.

I THINK IT WAS THAT,
MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE,

THAT MADE ME WANT TO BE A NUN.

REALLY?

YES. SHE WAS ONLY 16 WHEN
SHE ENTERED THE CONVENT,

AND SHE WAS VERY FRAIL,

SO SHE KNEW SHE'D NEVER BE
ABLE TO DO THINGS LIKE JOAN OF ARC

OR BUILD CHURCHES. SO,
INSTEAD SHE OFFERED HERSELF

TO THE BABY JESUS
AS HIS PLAYTHING.

NOT AN EXPENSIVE TOY THAT
CHILDREN WOULD BE AFRAID TO PLAY WITH

BUT SOMETHING OF NO
VALUE, LIKE A TOY BALL,

SOMETHING TO THROW TO THE GROUND

OR KICK WITH HIS FOOT

OR LEAVE IN A CORNER AND FORGET.

OR PRESS TO HIS HEART.

I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T
MEAN TO GO ON.

YOU MUST HAVE COME HERE
TO TALK ABOUT MY FANTASY.

THAT IS, IF IT'S
REALLY POSSIBLE.

OH, IT'S MORE THAN POSSIBLE.

THE YOUNG MAN YOU WROTE ME
ABOUT IS ALREADY IN THE ISLAND.

YOU'LL MEET HIM BEFORE
THE WEEKEND IS UP.

THAT'S AMAZING!

WELL, I WASN'T EVEN ABLE
TO TELL YOU HIS LAST NAME.

WELL, WHEN YOU TOLD ME
HIS FIRST NAME WAS COLIN,

AND HE HAD DONE VETERINARY
WORK AT THE CONVENT FARM,

IT WASN'T TOO
DIFFICULT TO TRACE HIM.

OH, YOU MUST BE
INTERESTED TO KNOW

THAT HE'S BECOME
QUITE NOTED IN HIS FIELD.

ZOOS AND ANIMAL PRESERVES
FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD

CALL ON HIM AS A CONSULTANT.

THAT'S WONDERFUL.

YES.

DOES HE KNOW ABOUT ME?

OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
IT'S JUST AS YOU ASKED.

HE HAS NO IDEA HE'S
INVOLVED IN A FANTASY.

[CHUCKLING]

WHAT?

DID I SAY SOMETHING FUNNY?

NO, IT'S NOT YOU.

IT'S JUST WHAT YOU
MUST THINK OF ME.

THE PEOPLE WHO TOLD ME ABOUT YOU

SAID YOU'RE A GOOD MAN.

SO, I'D AT LEAST LIKE
FOR YOU TO KNOW

WHY I QUESTION MY
VOCATION AFTER SO LONG.

THAT'S NOT NECESSARY.

YOU SEE, I WANTED TO
BE JUST LIKE THERESA,

JUST TO BE A PLAYTHING
FOR THE CHILD JESUS,

SOMETHING HE COULD
USE OR LEAVE ALONE.

BUT HE NEVER DID.

NOT IN SEVEN YEARS WAS I
ABLE TO ACCOMPLISH FOR HIM.

DON'T YOU SEE, AFTER THAT
LONG OF NOT BEING USED,

YOU BEGIN TO WONDER IF GOD
REALLY WANTED YOU THERE AT ALL

AND IF MAYBE IT ISN'T
TIME TO START A NEW LIFE.

I'M SORRY.

AH, MR. BIRDSONG.

OH, OH! HELLO, MR. ROARKE!

ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF?

OH, I SURE AM. I'VE NEVER SEEN

SO MANY PRETTY
GIRLS IN ALL MY LIFE.

UH, WHEN DOES MY FANTASY BEGIN?

BUT YOUR FANTASY
HAS ALREADY BEGUN.

ALL THESE LOVELY YOUNG
LADIES ARE FINALISTS

FOR THE STARRING
ROLE IN THE MOVIE

THAT WERE SELECTED
FROM OVER 1,000 CANDIDATES

FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD.

IF YOU NEED AN ASSISTANT, I
WILL BE VERY PLEASED TO DO SO.

AH, MR. SID GORDON,
YOUR PRODUCER

AND HIS ASSISTANT,
MISS JEAN ARDEN.

MAY I INTRODUCE...

YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME

THIS IS MY NEW CASTING
DIRECTOR, BARNEY BIRDSONG.

OH, FELIX. THE NAME
IS FELIX BIRDSONG.

OF COURSE, IT IS.

UH, I'M SORRY I
DIDN'T GET YOUR NAME.

JEAN. JEAN ARDEN.

JEAN'S MY EXEC SECRETARY.

CONSIDER HER ON LOAN
TO YOU WHENEVER NEEDED.

OH, THANK YOU, MR. GORDON.

DID YOU KNOW I'VE SEEN EVERY
PICTURE YOU EVER PRODUCED?

GOOD BOY.

OH, HERE COMES ONE OF
OUR POTENTIAL BACKERS.

UH, MR. FELIX BIRDSONG,

ALLOW ME TO PRESENT
MR. HAMMERHEAD HARRIS.

MR. HARRIS WAS WRESTLING
CHAMPION OF THE WORLD.

I GOT ME A BUNDLE
TO MAYBE INVEST

IN THIS HERE MOVING PICTURE.

UH, MR. BIRDSONG IS THE CASTING
DIRECTOR I TOLD YOU ABOUT,

THE NEW BREED OF CASTING
DIRECTOR, NOT HOLLYWOOD JADED

BUT FRESH FROM THE
HEARTLAND OF AMERICA.

YOU FOLKS WON'T MIND IF I
BORROW FELIX FOR A FEW MINUTES?

SOME MORE OF MY FINANCIAL
ANGELS I WANT HIM TO MEET.

OH, UH, GENTS, I'D
LIKE YOU TO MEET

MY NEW CASTING DIRECTOR.

FELIX, THIS IS
SHEIKH HAMEEL HABIB

AND BIG BILLY TIDMAN.

HOW DO YOU DO?

IF YOU PROVE TO BE GOOD AT THIS,

PERHAPS WE CAN DO
SOME BUSINESS LATER.

I'M THINKING OF
RESTOCKING MY HAREM.

OH. [CHUCKLING] OH, REALLY?

OH, WELL, SURE.

I'LL BE GLAD TO...

LADIES AND GENTS,
YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.

I'M PROUD TO ANNOUNCE
THAT SID GORDON, THAT'S ME,

PULLED OFF WHAT THAT
DIOGENES DUDE COULDN'T.

I FOUND ME AN HONEST
MAN, AND I NOW WOULD LIKE

TO PRESENT HIM TO YOU,
MY NEW CASTING DIRECTOR,

THE MAN WHO'S
GOING TO BE CHOOSING

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
GIRL IN THE WORLD,

FELIX BIRDSONG.

[APPLAUSE]

IN THE UNITY OF
UNHOLY FELLOWSHIP,

WE PRAISE AND
HONOR FIRST LUCIFER

AND BEELZEBUB, PRINCE OF EARTH

AND ANGEL OF DESTRUCTION.

WE CALL THY DREADFUL MINIONS

FOR FULFILLMENT OF OUR DESIRES
AND DESTRUCTION OF OUR ENEMIES.

LEVIATHAN READS THE REVELATION,

DEMON OF LUST... [CHANTING]

HOST OF HELL... [CHANTING]

BE STRENGTHENED IN
MIND, BODY AND WILL.

THE CELEBRANT OF THIS BLACK
MASS OPENLY WORSHIPS SATAN,

WHOM THEY CONSIDER TO BE
THE REAL RULER OF THIS WORLD.

LIKE CHILDREN, THEY
ASK THE DEVIL TO BLESS

THEIR SELF-INDULGENT WHIM
AND TO DESTROY THEIR ENEMY.

WHY THEY WOULD ACCEPT THE
POWER AND PROMISES OF ONE

WHO'S ALREADY BEEN
KNOWN AS THE PRINCE OF LIARS

IS BEYOND ME, AND WHO, IF
ALL THE ANCIENT WRITINGS

ARE TO BE BELIEVED, HAS
ALWAYS BEEN MOST MERCILESS

TO THOSE WHO SERVE
HIM MOST FAITHFULLY.

THIS IS JANE GARWOOD,
LUCIFER'S TEMPLE,

SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA.

IT'S VERY INTERESTING.

BUT VERY SCARY.

AFTER THE PROGRAM WAS AIRED,

THE HIGH PRIEST WAS ARRESTED

AND LATER CONVICTED OF FRAUD.

ONE NIGHT HE PHONED
ME, RANTED LIKE A MANIC,

SAID I'D SLANDERED
THEM AND THEIR GOD,

AND THEN I'D PAY FOR IT.

I LAUGHED AT HIM UNTIL...

THIS WAS THE FIRST
GENTLEMAN TO SUFFER HARM?

YES. JIM. JIM COWELL.

WE'D JUST GOTTEN ENGAGED
TWO WEEKS BEFORE THE PROGRAM.

THE POLICE SAID HE JUMPED
FROM HIS HOTEL WINDOW,

THEN THREE MONTHS LATER
PAUL KENDALL, MY PRODUCER,

HE WAS KILLED. HIS CAR
WENT OFF THE BIG SUR BRIDGE.

WE NEVER EVEN FOUND HIS BODY.

I LOVED HIM, TOO,
LIKE MY OWN BROTHER.

WELL, HE DISCOVERED
ME A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO

WHEN I WAS JUST AN AMBITIOUS
SECRETARY IN THE NEWSROOM.

I SEE.

BURT WYNN.

HE DROWNED FOUR MONTHS
AGO WHILE SCUBA DIVING.

I WAS WILLING TO BELIEVE THE
FIRST TWO WERE ACCIDENTS,

AND I WAS BEGINNING TO
LIKE HIM SERIOUSLY WHEN...

OH, WHAT'S THE USE OF
TALKING ABOUT ALL OF THIS?

I'M A JINX. EVERYONE'S
BEEN CALLING ME THAT,

AND THAT'S WHAT I AM.

PLEASE, MISS GARWOOD.

I CAN'T ALLOW YOU TO
JUDGE YOURSELF SO HARSHLY.

HOW MUCH MORE PROOF DO YOU NEED?

THREE MEN ARE
DEAD BECAUSE OF ME.

EVERY ONE I LOVE OR
TOUCH GETS KILLED.

THERE ARE MANY THINGS
WE CANNOT UNDERSTAND.

IF THERE IS SOME FORCE
OF EVIL PLAYING YOU,

THEN TO STOP IT WE
MUST THROW IT OUT.

BUT HOW?

WITH THE PROPER BAIT.

THERE IS A MAN HERE
ON THE ISLAND WHO,

STARTING THIS AFTERNOON,
WILL ACT AS YOUR SUITOR.

YOU SEE? HE'LL TAKE YOU DANCING,
RIDING, ON MOONLIGHT STROLLS.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PRETEND
TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM.

BUT HE WOULD BE PLACING
HIMSELF IN GREAT DANGER.

YOUR FANTASY WAS TO
FIND OUT IF YOU ARE A JINX.

I KNOW OF NO OTHER WAY.

WHO IS THIS MAN?

I.

OH, NO, MR. ROARKE. I
CAN'T ALLOW YOU TO DO THAT.

ALLOW ME? MISS GARWOOD,
THIS IS FANTASY ISLAND,

MY ISLAND, AND HERE I
DO WHAT I THINK IS BEST.

IF YOU ARE EVER TO
BE RID OF THIS CURSE,

WE MUST DO THIS.

TRUST ME. WE GIVE EVIL
ITS GREATEST POWER

THROUGH OUR BELIEF IN IT.

ALL RIGHT.

NOW, I SUGGEST YOU
GO TO YOUR BUNGALOW

AND UNPACK. WE'LL STOP
AND SEE THE PREPARATIONS

FOR THE AWARD
CEREMONIES, AND THEN

I THINK IT MIGHT BE A
NICE DAY FOR A RIDE.

THANK YOU. NOT AT ALL.

BOSS, I'M SCARED.

YOU'RE SETTING
YOURSELF UP TO GET KILLED!

OH, TATTOO. DON'T TELL ME

YOU BELIEVE IN THE CURSE, TOO.

I'LL TRY NOT TO, BUT WHAT IF
SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU?

WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT YOU?

I APPRECIATE THE
CONCERN, MY FRIEND.

I'LL DO MY BEST TO
AVOID UNDUE DANGER.

SOMEBODY CAN BRIEF ME LATER
ON THE ORDER OF EVENTS, OKAY?

I'M GOING HORSEBACK RIDING.

MR. ROARKE SAID HE'D
SHOW ME THE ISLAND.

SEE THAT?

NEW BOYFRIEND ALREADY.

ONE MORE DEAD,
AND THE TV RATINGS

WILL GO RIGHT THROUGH
THE ROOF AGAIN.

NO, NO, NOT THAT WAY, PLEASE.

WHY NOT?

EVERY PLACE HAS ITS

DARK SECRETS, AND FANTASY
ISLAND IS NO EXCEPTION.

MANY, MANY YEARS AGO,
SOME OF THE ANCIENT TRIBES

PRACTICED WITCHCRAFT,
PERHAPS EVEN HUMAN SACRIFICE,

IN THAT CLEARING.

COME. THERE ARE MUCH MORE
CHARMING PLACES ON THE ISLAND

TO SHOW YOU.

YOU ARE UNDOUBTEDLY
THE MOST COMFORTING MAN

I'VE EVER KNOWN, AND
I MIGHT ADD IF YOU LIKE,

HANDSOME, CHARMING...

AND YOU ARE UNDOUBTEDLY,
I'M AFRAID, MISS GARWOOD,

A WOMAN VERY GIFTED IN
THE USE OF KIND ADJECTIVES.

NO, NO. OH, YES.

OH, LOOK.

OH, HE'S BEAUTIFUL,

AND HE'S SO TAME.

PERHAPS BECAUSE HE
KNOWS WHAT YOU SHOULD.

ON FANTASY ISLAND, YOU HAVE
NOTHING TO FEAR, MISS GARWOOD.

NOTHING.

THIS WILL BE YOUR OFFICE.

WOW, IT'S, UH...

IT'S KINDA DIFFERENT.

WELL, CASTING DIRECTORS
AREN'T SO SUBTLE NOWADAYS.

BESIDES, ANY STARLET KNOWS
HOW THE GAME IS PLAYED.

REALLY? MM-HMM.

LISTEN, MAYBE YOU
OUGHT TO TELL ME, UH...

YOU KNOW, GIVE ME
A FEW POINTERS, HUH?

HONEY, ALL YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER
IS THAT YOU'RE THE CASTING DIRECTOR

WITH THE POWER TO
MAKE OR BREAK CAREERS.

YEAH, GUESS THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, BACK HOME IN
WAUKEGAN, I GO TO AT LEAST

FIVE MOVIES EVERY WEEK,
SOMETIMES TWICE IN ONE DAY!

I'D GIVE ANYTHING
TO BE IN SHOWBIZ.

SAY, TELL ME ABOUT SOME OF
THE STARS YOU'VE WORKED WITH.

YOU KNOW, THE REAL INSIDE STUFF?

UH, MR. BIRDSONG, FELIX,

FOR THIS WEEKEND
YOU ARE IN SHOWBIZ.

NOW, WHY DON'T YOU
GET YOURSELF ORGANIZED,

AND I'LL START FUNNELING
IN THE CANDIDATES, OKAY?

[CHILDREN SHOUTING]

HERE, GUYS. COME ON.

COME ON.

[GASPING]

OH, MY GOSH!

DON'T BE AFRAID.

SHE WON'T HARM YOU.

SHE'S JUST BEING VERY RUDE.

I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY WHAT SHE
WANTED WAS THE POPCORN.

NAUGHTY GIRL.

AREN'T YOU ASHAMED OF YOURSELF?

WELL, AT LEAST EAT IT OVER HERE.

COME ON. I, I... VERY
SORRY. COME ON.

YOU STAY HERE
NOW. YOU STAY HERE.

GOOD GIRL.

I'M SORRY SHE FRIGHTENED YOU,

BUT SHE JUST SEEMED
TO GET AWAY FROM ME.

SHE WOULDN'T HAVE
HARMED YOU, THOUGH.

DO YOU OFTEN TAKE
WALKS WITH GORILLAS?

ORANGUTAN. GERTRUDE'S
AN ORANGUTAN.

THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE,

AND HER NAME WASN'T
ALWAYS GERTRUDE.

I RENAMED HER AFTER AN
OLD GREAT AUNT OF MINE.

I SEE.

AND THE HAT, DID THAT COME
FROM YOUR GREAT AUNT, TOO?

OH, NO, NO. I BOUGHT
THAT FOR HER.

SEE, I'M A VET. VETERINARIAN?

AND I SORT OF SPECIALIZE
IN EXOTIC ANIMALS.

GERTRUDE BELONGED
TO A ZOO IN ZURICH.

ONLY AFTER SHE LOST HER
BABY, SHE WOULDN'T EAT.

FOR A WHOLE MONTH,
SHE WAS JUST PINING AWAY.

THEY WERE AFRAID SHE WAS GOING
TO DIE, WHEN THEY SENT FOR ME

TO SEE IF I COULD
HELP HER, AND WELL,

SHE'S BEEN WITH ME EVER SINCE.

I BOUGHT HER THE
HAT 'CAUSE I THOUGHT

IT WOULD MAKE HER
FEEL BETTER WITH US.

NOW SHE'S GOT A WHOLE
TRUNK FULL OF THEM.

[CHUCKLING]

DO THEY MAKE HER FEEL BETTER?

OH, YEAH. SHE'S BACK
TO HER NORMAL WEIGHT,

AND YOU OUGHT TO SEE
HER IN FRONT OF A MIRROR.

SHE THINKS SHE'S THE HOTTEST
NUMBER SINCE MARILYN MONROE.

[LAUGHING]

HOW ABOUT DINNER TONIGHT?

OH, WELL, UM...

OF COURSE IF YOU'RE
HERE WITH SOMEONE ELSE...

NO, I'M ALONE.

WELL, THEN IT'S ONLY FAIR.

I MEAN, GERTRUDE
DID EAT YOUR POPCORN,

AND I UNDERSTAND THEY
HAVE A WONDERFUL LUAU HERE.

I COULD CALL FOR YOU
AT YOUR BUNGALOW.

I DON'T KNOW. UM...

I'LL LEAVE MY FRIEND HOME.

I'LL PICK YOU UP AT 7:30?

OKAY. I'M IN THE
HIBISCUS BUNGALOW.

HIBISCUS. OKAY,
I'LL SEE YOU THEN.

OKAY.

COME ON, GERTRUDE.

WE'VE GOT TO GET HOME
AND GET WASHED UP.

I'M SORRY. I DON'T
EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME.

OH, I'M MARY, MARY HOYT.

HI, MARY. I'M COLIN.
COLIN McARTHUR. COME ON.

I KNOW.

MISS BOBBI JO CRANDALL.

WHY, YOU LOOK EXACTLY

LIKE I EXPECTED,
MR. BIRDWHISTLE.

UH, SONG. BIRDSONG.

OH. OH, I DO APOLOGIZE,

MISPRONOUNCING
YOUR NAME LIKE THAT.

I HOPE YOU WON'T
HOLD IT AGAINST ME.

NO, NO, NOT AT ALL.

UH, WELL, WON'T YOU
HAVE A SEAT, PLEASE?

WHERE?

JUST TAKE MY SEAT.
HERE. HERE YOU GO.

OKAY.

OKAY. UH, NAME?

WE ALREADY KNOW THAT.

I'M BOBBI JO.

OH, SURE YOU ARE. RIGHT.

UH, HOMETOWN?

LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS,

BORN AND BRED.

UH, TALENTS?

NAME?

OH, NOT THAT.

"I KNOW I WAS RAISED
IN THE LAP OF LUXURY.

I KNOW I ATTENDED
ALL THE BEST SCHOOLS

AND WAS VOTED
DEBUTANTE OF THE YEAR,

BUT THAT WAS ALL IN THE PAST.

I'M SIMPLY NOT
QUALIFIED TO REIGN

AS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
GIRL IN THE WORLD, HAROLD."

UH, THAT WILL DO NICELY, YEAH.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, LISA.

PRETTY BAD, HUH?

I WAS NEVER VERY
GOOD AT COLD READINGS.

IMPROVISATION IS WHAT I DO BEST.

OH, FINE. WELL, WHY DON'T YOU
IMPROVISE SOMETHING THEN?

OKAY. UM...

I'LL IMPROVISE THE SEDUCTION OF
A HOLLYWOOD CASTING DIRECTOR.

HUH?

FELIX, DARLING...

YOU ARE THE ONLY MAN
IN MY HUMDRUM LIFE,

AND I CAN'T WAIT.

NOW, FELIX.

NOW IS THE TIME,
AND THIS IS THE PLACE.

[CRASHING]

REPORTER: OPERATION NORTH
HAMMER IS DESIGNED TO TEST

NATO REACTION TIME
TO A SURPRISE ATTACK

ON THE VULNERABLE
EUROPEAN NORTH FLANK.

THIS IS HENRY CARLSON

WITH THE NATO FORCES
IN WEST BADEN, GERMANY.

OKAY, THEN HENRY
ACCEPTS THE COMMENDATION

FOR THE NEWS TEAM,
AND THEN THE BIG CASINO,

JANE WINS THE GOLDEN MIKE;
AND JANE, WILL YOU PLEASE

KEEP YOUR ACCEPTANCE
SPEECH DOWN TO 45 MINUTES?

THAT GOES FOR THE
REST OF YOU, TOO.

WOULD A SIMPLE
THANK YOU BE ENOUGH?

WONDERFUL.

IT WILL WIN OUR ASTONISHMENT
AND OUR UNDYING GRATITUDE.

CAN WE GET OUT OF HERE?

WHY, ISN'T THIS
IMPORTANT TO YOU?

NOT AS MUCH AS I
THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.

JANE, I NEED YOUR
SIGNATURE ON THIS.

JUST TAKE A SECOND?

SORRY. THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

MAN SHOUTING: LOOK OUT!

OH, NOW IT'S HAPPENING
TO YOU, THE CURSE!

NOTHING IS HAPPENING
TO ME, MISS GARWOOD.

IT WAS NOTHING BUT A
CLUMSY ACCIDENT, THAT'S ALL.

MR. ROARKE, YOU'RE
A VERY LUCKY MAN.

YOU WERE NEARLY NUMBER FOUR.

♪♪

[SINGING]

THE TROUBLE IS THAT THE LOWLANDS

AND THE SWAMPY FORESTS
OF BORNEO AND SUMATRA,

WHERE THE ORANGUTANS
COME FROM, ARE DISAPPEARING.

IF SOMETHING ISN'T DONE,

IN 20 YEARS ORANGS
WILL BECOME EXTINCT.

MM, AREN'T YOU THE LUCKY ONE?

I CERTAINLY AM.

ARE YOU, UM, GLAD YOU CAME?

YES, BUT I ALMOST
CHANGED MY MIND.

I WAS AFRAID THAT WHEN YOU
GOT BACK TO YOUR BUNGALOW,

YOU'D FIGURE OUT THAT I SENT
GERTRUDE OVER TO PESTER YOU.

NO, NO. WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

BECAUSE YOU'RE A
VERY PRETTY LADY,

AND I THOUGHT IT WOULD
BE A GOOD WAY TO MEET YOU.

DOES THAT SURPRISE YOU?

YOU'RE BLUSHING. YOU
KNOW, I CAN'T FIGURE YOU OUT.

ALL NIGHT LONG, I'M TRYING
TO FIND OUT ABOUT YOU,

AND YOU ALWAYS MANAGE TO
TURN THE CONVERSATION AROUND

TO WHERE I'M TALKING
ABOUT MY ANIMALS.

HOW AM I GOING TO FIND OUT
WHO YOU ARE, MYSTERY LADY?

IS THAT SO IMPORTANT NOW?

[APPLAUSE]

TATTOO: ATTENTION, ATTENTION!

PLEASE, CAN I HAVE
YOUR ATTENTION?

YOU HAVE BEEN WATCHING A
BEAUTIFUL LADY DANCE FOR YOU;

AND NOW COMES THE
HIGHLIGHT OF OUR SHOW,

WHEN THEY WILL TEACH YOU
THE FANTASY ISLAND DANCE.

TO THE THREE LUCKY MEN
WHO RECEIVED THE FLOWER LEIS

IN THE LAST DANCE...

[CHUCKLING]

PLEASE, A ROUND OF APPLAUSE.

NO, NO, I CAN'T.

I DON'T THINK SHE'S GOING
TO TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.

I'LL TEACH YOU. COME ON.

GENTLEMEN, LINE UP, PLEASE,
AND DO AS THE GIRLS DO.

MUSIC, PLEASE.

♪♪

♪ OH, WE'RE GOING TO A HUKILAU ♪

♪ HUKI, HUKI, HUKI
HUKI, HUKI, HUKILAU ♪

♪ EVERYBODY LOVES THE HUKILAU ♪

♪ WHERE THE LAULAU IS
THE KAUKAU AT THE HUKILAU ♪

♪ OH WE THROW OUR
NETS OUT INTO THE SEA ♪

♪ AND ALL THE AMAAMA
COME A-SWIMMING TO ME ♪

♪ OH, WE'RE GOING TO A HUKILAU ♪

♪ HUKI, HUKI HUKI,
HUKI, HUKILAU ♪

♪♪

WELL, I HAD A
GOOD TIME. SO DID I.

I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

UH, TOMORROW MORNING I
HAVE SOME THINGS TO DO,

BUT I THOUGHT MAYBE
IN THE AFTERNOON

WE COULD, YOU KNOW,
HAVE A PICNIC OR SOMETHING?

I'D LIKE THAT VERY MUCH.

YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.

I CAME TO THIS ISLAND TO WORK.

I MEAN, EVERYBODY ELSE
COMES HERE FOR FANTASIES...

AND SUDDENLY I
WALK RIGHT INTO ONE.

MY OWN.

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

OKAY.

OH, DEAR GOD, AM I
DOING THE RIGHT THING?

AH, GOOD EVENING, TATTOO.

GOOD EVENING, BOSS.

STILL UP?

YES. I DIDN'T FEEL
MUCH LIKE SLEEPING.

OH?

BESIDES, I WANT TO MAKE
SURE THAT YOU GOT HOME OKAY.

YOUR CONCERN IS
DEEPLY APPRECIATED.

THAT'S ENOUGH, MY FRIEND.

A COBRA.

ONE OF THE DEADLIEST
SNAKES IN THE WORLD.

BOSS, IT'S THE
BLACK MASK SYMBOL.

BOSS, IT WAS MEANT TO KILL YOU!

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[BIRDS CALLING]

[CAR APPROACHING]

BOSS, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

DO YOU KNOW WHO IT WAS?

WHOEVER IT WAS

SEEMS TO KNOW THE
ISLAND AS WELL AS WE DO.

YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY
GOING TO BE TOUGH.

WHAT, CHOOSING THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD?

YEAH. YOU KNOW, IF IT
WAS BACK IN THE '30S,

I'D PROBABLY PICK
MADELEINE CARROLL.

NOW, THERE WAS A REAL BEAUTY.

YOU'RE REALLY TAKING ALL
THIS SERIOUSLY, AREN'T YOU?

WELL, OF COURSE. IT'S
A BIG RESPONSIBILITY.

WELL, THAT'S HOW
THEY ALL START OUT,

EAGER AND NAIVE.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

NOTHING, BUT IT NEVER LASTS.

MORNING.

MISS ARDEN, MR. BIRDSONG.

GOOD MORNING, TATTOO.

WHAT'S THIS, CHAMPAGNE
FOR BREAKFAST?

OH, WE DIDN'T ORDER
ANY CHAMPAGNE.

COMPLIMENTS OF THE THREE
GENTLEMEN OVER THERE.

UH-HUH. IT BEGINS WITH CHAMPAGNE

AND ENDS WITH A BROWN
PAPER BAG FULL OF MONEY.

ARE YOU IMPLYING
THAT I'D SELL OUT?

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

WELL, FACT: HAMMERHEAD HARRIS
IS SPONSORING MISS LITTLE ROCK,

FACT: BIG BILLY TIDWELL IS
SPONSORING MISS BROOKLYN,

AND FACT: SHEIKH
HABIB OVER THERE

IS SPONSORING MISS CANCAN GIGI.

NOW, DOES THAT
TELL YOU ANYTHING?

I WON'T BE BOUGHT.

OH, GOOD MORNING, DOLL.

ALL SET FOR THE BIG EVENT?

NOT QUITE, MR. RAT. YOU'RE
USING HIM, AREN'T YOU?

USING WHO?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

THAT NICE, SWEET,
NAIVE FELIX BIRDSONG.

YOU'VE SET HIM UP AS A PATSY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

SID, I JUST CAME
FROM YOUR OFFICE,

WHERE I WENT THROUGH
YOUR PERSONAL FILES

AND YOUR PERSONAL SET OF BOOKS.

NOW, YOU'VE OVERSOLD
THE PICTURE, SID.

50% TO BIG BILLY TIDWELL,
50% TO THE OIL SHEIKH,

AND AS FAR AS I CAN FIGURE OUT,

ABOUT 120% TO THAT
MORON HAMMERHEAD HARRIS;

AND YOU PROMISED EACH
AND EVERY ONE OF THEM

THAT THEIR GIRL
WOULD BE THE STAR!

ALL RIGHT. HEY, SO THEY'LL GET

A LITTLE SORE WITH BIRDSONG.

SO, WHAT?

SID, THIS IS NO
SMALL POTATO DEAL.

FELIX COULD GET HURT OR WORSE!

LISTEN, DOLL. HOW WOULD
YOU LIKE A NICE BOOST IN SALARY

AND A NEW TITLE?
AS OF RIGHT NOW,

YOU'RE RAISED $100 A WEEK,

AND YOU'RE ASSOCIATE
PRODUCER ON THE FILM.

AREN'T I WONDERFUL?

I SHOULD'VE MADE IT $200 A WEEK.

MISS GARWOOD, CAN I
TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?

OF COURSE, TATTOO. COME ON IN.

HERE.

WHAT'S THIS FOR?

IT'S FOR YOU, IF YOU
LEAVE THE ISLAND.

I SOLD EVERYTHING I HAD...

MY CAR, MY HORSE, TO GET THAT.

IF YOU NEED MORE,
NOT MUCH MORE, I'LL TRY.

BUT, TATTOO, WHY?

MISS GARWOOD, DO YOU
KNOW WHAT A COBRA IS?

IT'S A VERY DEADLY SNAKE.

IT CAN KILL IN SECONDS.

SOMEBODY PUT ONE AND THIS

IN THE DESK OF MY
BOSS LAST NIGHT.

OH... OH, NO.

MISS GARWOOD...

BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE, LEAVE.

DON'T LET HIM GET HURT.

YOU LOVE HIM, TOO,
DON'T YOU, TATTOO?

YES, I DO.

BEFORE I MET MR. ROARKE,

I WAS NOBODY IN THE WORLD.

PEOPLE USED TO LAUGH AT ME.

NOBODY TOOK ME SERIOUSLY.

AND WHEN I MET HIM, I
KNEW THAT HE LOVED ME

MORE THAN ANYONE DID.

HE'S MY FRIEND.

I LOVE HIM.

I WOULD DIE FOR HIM.

TATTOO?

WOULD YOU CARE TO
TELL ME WHY YOU'RE HERE?

HE TOLD ME WHAT
HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

OH, I SEE.

I THINK YOU HAD BETTER
LEAVE US NOW, MY FRIEND.

BOSS, YOU'RE NOT
MAD AT ME, ARE YOU?

DON'T BLAME HIM. HE
LOVES YOU SO MUCH,

AND IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO YOU,

I'D FEEL THE SAME WAY.

NO, TATTOO IS RIGHT.

I'VE GOT TO LEAVE THE ISLAND

BEFORE THIS CURSE
KILLS YOU, TOO.

NONSENSE.

THERE WAS NOTHING
SUPERNATURAL ABOUT THAT SNAKE.

OR WHOEVER TRIED TO RUN ME DOWN.

YOU HAVE A CHOICE.

YOU CAN RUN AND LET
THIS PERSON FOLLOW YOU

AND HARASS YOU,
OR YOU CAN TRUST ME.

LET ME TRY TO PUT
AN END TO IT HERE.

[LAUGHING]

IT'S NOT MUCH FURTHER.

WE'D BETTER BE A LITTLE
CAREFUL FROM HERE ON.

SHE MIGHT BE A LITTLE
TESTY AROUND HER CUBS.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, GIRL.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

OH, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.

DID MR. ROARKE RAISE HER?

HER AND THREE OTHERS.

SHE'S A WHITE WOLF.

AN OLD INDIAN CHIEF
GAVE THEM TO HIM

TO PRESERVE.

ONCE THEY ROAMED THE PLAIN
STATES BY THE THOUSANDS

NOW THESE AND A HANDFUL OF
OTHERS ARE ALL THAT ARE LEFT.

COME ON. YOU'RE GOING
TO BE ALL RIGHT, GIRL.

THIS MAY BE THE
LAST TIME YOU SEE ME.

DO YOU MIND IF I SHOW YOUR
BROOD TO A FRIEND, HUH?

COME HERE.

OOH. WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HER?

SHE HAD A BAD INFECTION.

THEY THOUGHT SHE
WAS GOING TO DIE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

NO, IT'S JUST THAT
SOMEONE RECENTLY DIED

THAT WAS VERY CLOSE TO ME.

I DON'T KNOW. I WAS THINKING
HOW WONDERFUL THAT MUST BE

TO BE ABLE TO GIVE LIFE BACK.

SOMETIMES NOTHING DOES ANY GOOD.

BUT AT LEAST, WITH YOUR ANIMALS,

YOU HAVE THE SKILL TO TRY,

AND WHEN YOU'RE
THROUGH, YOU CAN FEEL LIKE

YOU'VE DONE SOMETHING.

THE PERSON WHO DIED MUST
HAVE BEEN VERY SPECIAL TO YOU

FOR YOU TO CARE SO MUCH.

I THINK I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

SOMEONE VERY CLOSE
TO ME DIED RECENTLY ALSO,

A NUN IN NEW MEXICO.

SHE WAS MAYBE THE FINEST
PERSON I EVER KNEW IN MY WHOLE LIFE.

FUNNY, I THINK SHE
WOULD'VE LIKED YOU.

OH, COLIN. HOLD ME, PLEASE.

YOU KNOW WHAT'S CRAZY?

I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE
OR WHERE YOU'RE FROM...

BUT IF I DIDN'T KNOW BETTER,

I'D SAY I'M FALLING
IN LOVE WITH YOU.

♪♪

THANK YOU, MISS DALTON.

YOU'RE AN EXCELLENT DANCER.

OH, THANK YOU.

I ALSO DO TAP, BALLET...

I'LL REMEMBER THAT.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER
AT THE BIG EVENT.

OH, GOOD. BYE-BYE. THANK YOU.

BYE.

WELL, THERE GOES
THE LAST CANDIDATE.

NOW THE REAL WORK BEGINS...

DECIDING ON A WINNER.

JUST THINK, JANE.

IN MY HANDS, I HOLD
THE FUTURES OF 20 GIRLS

WHO WANT TO BE
STARS LIKE NORMA SHIER,

BETTE DAVIS, GRETA
GARBO, HEPBURN, COLBERT...

STOP IT. STOP BEING
SUCH AN ETHICAL, GENUINE

24-CARAT PIGEON.

PIGEON? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

SID GORDON, HE'S
USING YOU, FELIX.

HE'S OVERSOLD THE PICTURE,
AND HE'S PROMISED THE PART

TO THREE DIFFERENT PEOPLE,
AND UNLESS I MISS MY GUESS,

HE'S NOT EVEN GOING
TO MAKE THIS PICTURE.

YOU MEAN THE WHOLE
THING IS A FAKE, A SHAM?

BUT... HOW COULD
MR. GORDON DO SUCH A THING?

I MEAN, HE'S ONE OF THE
GREAT PRODUCERS OF OUR TIME!

DID YOU SEE "BLOSSOMS
IN THE SNOW"?

ONE OF THE MOST SENSITIVE
PICTURES I EVER SAW.

NOW, HE PRODUCED THAT.

OH, FELIX. THAT WAS
A LONG TIME AGO.

HE'S MADE A DOZEN
FLOPS SINCE THEN,

AND HALF OF THOSE ARE CON JOBS,

WHERE HE SWINDLED
PEOPLE OUT OF MONEY.

BUT HE'S ONE OF THE BEST.

I JUST DON'T SEE HOW MR. GORDON
COULD DO SUCH A THING.

MAKING MOVIES IS A PUBLIC TRUST.

UH, MISS HOYT, I THOUGHT
I MIGHT FIND YOU HERE.

IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

WELL, THERE HAVE BEEN SEVERAL
URGENT CABLES FROM THE CONVENT.

IS SOMETHING WRONG?

NO, NO. IT'S JUST THAT MOTHER
SUPERIOR HAS SAID SHE MUST KNOW

IN THE NEXT 24 HOURS
WHETHER OR NOT

YOU WILL TAKE YOUR FINAL VOWS.

YES, MY LEAVE OF ABSENCE
WILL BE OVER TOMORROW.

YES.

I GUESS THERE ARE A LOT
OF DECISIONS I HAVE TO MAKE.

COLIN HAS ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM.

I WAS JUST ADMIRING
YOUR ANTIQUES.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR
YOU, MR. MARSH?

OH, I THINK THE POINT IS,
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

I BELIEVE YOU KNOW THAT
YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND

ARE THE TALK OF THE ISLAND.

YOU MEAN MISS GARWOOD.

WILL YOU COME OFF IT, ROARKE?

I CAME HERE TO WARN YOU.

THIS CURSE BUSINESS IS NONSENSE.

IT'S HER. SHE'S THE KILLER.

I SEE.

YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME.

BUT WHY YOU DISLIKE HER
SO INTENSELY, MR. MARSH?

MR. ROARKE, THIS
IS PAUL KENDALL.

HE WAS MY FRIEND. WE CAME UP

IN THE BUSINESS TOGETHER.
HE WAS HER PRODUCER.

HE WAS A FINE NEWSMAN
UNTIL HE MET HER.

THEN SUDDENLY ALL HE
CARED ABOUT WAS HER CAREER.

SO, HE CREATED HER,
AND THEN HE DIED.

AND YOU REALLY BELIEVE
SHE KILLED THREE MEN

TO FURTHER HER CAREER.

WHEN SHE PICKS UP
THAT AWARD THIS EVENING,

SHE'LL BE THE BIGGEST
THING ON TELEVISION.

PEOPLE HAVE KILLED
FOR LESS THAN THAT.

I SEE.

WELL, FORTUNATELY
THERE IS A VERY LARGE FLAW

IN YOUR THEORY, MR. MARSH.

YOU SEE, MISS GARWOOD
IS DETERMINED TO RETIRE.

OH, IT'S TRUE. THE PRESS RELEASE
WAS DISTRIBUTED AN HOUR AGO.

THE AWARD CEREMONY WILL
BE HER LAST APPEARANCE, EVER,

ON TELEVISION.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME.

OF COURSE, I'LL EXCUSE YOU.

I JUST HOPE YOUR
JUDGMENT IS NOT SO CLOUDED

THAT YOU'VE FALLEN
IN LOVE WITH HER.

IT'S AN ATTRACTION
THAT'S PROVED FATAL

FOR THREE MEN ALREADY.

TATTOO, WHATEVER HAPPENED

TO HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY,

AND A MAN'S WORD IS HIS BOND?

BEATS ME.

YOU WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING?

I'M NEVER, EVER GOING
TO GO TO ANOTHER MOVIE

AS LONG AS I LIVE.

I'M EVEN GOING TO
GIVE UP POPCORN.

OH, MR. BIRDSONG.

NO, NO, I MADE UP MY MIND.

YOU SEE, ALL MY LIFE I
WANTED TO BE IN SHOWBIZ.

ALL THAT GLAMOUR, EVERYTHING.

I WOULDN'T BE IN IT
NOW IF FAYE DUNAWAY

WALKED IN HERE AND GOT DOWN
ON HER KNEES AND BEGGED ME.

MR. BIRDSONG, I
KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

BUT HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO
GET EVEN WITH MR. GORDON?

OH, TATTOO, I'D GIVE ANYTHING,

INCLUDING A 1934 COPY OF
"PHOTO PLAY" IN MINT CONDITION.

I'VE GOT AN IDEA,

BUT WE'VE GOT TO HURRY.

THE SELECTION FOR THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD

STARTS IN A FEW
MINUTES. LET'S GO.

CAN WE STOP OFF AND PICK
UP MY BEST FRIEND JANE?

OF COURSE. COME ON. LET'S GO.

BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME?

TO MY HOUSE, WHERE
YOU WILL REMAIN SAFELY

WHILE ON THIS ISLAND.

BUT I'M IN NO DANGER. YOU ARE.

I DON'T THINK SO, NOT ANYMORE.

YOU SEE, I AM PERSUADED
YOUR TELEVISION CAREER,

YOUR IMAGE, IS SOMEHOW
THE KEY TO THIS CURSE,

TO EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED,

AND IF I AM RIGHT, I'VE
ALREADY SET THE TRAP

WITH YOU AS THE BAIT.

WHOEVER IS BEHIND
THIS ALLEGED CURSE

WILL NOW COME TO THIS BUNGALOW,

LOOKING FOR YOU.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

THE THREE MEN WHO DIED,

EACH WAS AN IMPEDIMENT TO
YOUR CAREER, THINK ABOUT IT.

WITH YOUR ANNOUNCEMENT
TODAY OF YOUR RETIREMENT,

YOU WILL BE THE
ONE FINAL IMPEDIMENT.

PLEASE GET IN.

MY PRIVATE 747, THE FLYING
CARPET, IS EN ROUTE HERE.

AFTER MADEMOISELLE
GIGI IS NAMED THE WINNER,

I INVITE YOU ALL TO A PARTY
AT MY SAHARA DESERT OASIS.

[CHUCKLING]

AFTERNOON, MR. GORDON.

EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL?

SHH, QUIET. IT'S IN THE BAG.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

SOBER AS A JUDGE.

WHICH YOU'RE ABOUT TO BECOME,

MUCH TO THE SURPRISE
OF MR. GORDON.

TATTOO'S GOING TO READ
THE ANNOUNCEMENTS.

[FANFARE PLAYING]

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

WELCOME. THIS AFTERNOON,
ONE LUCKY GIRL WILL BE CHOSEN

TO STAR IN A PICTURE,

"THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
GIRL IN THE WORLD."

THE MAN WHO IS GOING TO
CHOOSE THE LUCKY WINNER

IS MR. BIRDSONG.

OKAY, COME ON.
GIVE ME YOUR COFFEE.

COME ON.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR
GENEROUS WELCOME.

YOU KNOW, CHOOSING THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD

HASN'T BEEN EASY.

THEY SAY THAT BEAUTY IS
IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER,

AND I BELIEVE THAT.

AND WITH THAT THOUGHT IN MIND,

I HAVE MADE MY FINAL DECISION.

[DRUM ROLL]

TODAY'S WINNER, THE GIRL
WHO IS GOING TO WIN $25,000

FROM MR. SID GORDON AND
HIS BACKERS, AND WHO WILL STAR

IN THE FILM, "THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD,"

IS...

NUMBER 1 THROUGH NUMBER 20!

I SAY ALL THE GIRLS ARE WINNERS,

AND ALL OF THEM
GET THE PRIZE MONEY.

[SCREAMING]

THAT'S 25 GRAND APIECE.

THAT COSTS ME $500,000.

WHAT'S HAPPENED HERE?

I THOUGHT I'D GRAB A
BREATH OF FRESH AIR.

WE WISH TO GRAB SOMETHING ALSO.

LET'S GRAB THE
INFIDEL BY THE THROAT!

WE'VE GOT UNFINISHED BUSINESS.

HOW'D I DO?

SENSATIONAL. NOT EVEN SID GORDON

CAN SQUIRM HIS
WAY OUT OF THIS ONE.

♪♪

I'VE BEEN LOOKING
FOR YOU EVERYWHERE.

WE WERE SUPPOSED TO
MEET TWO HOURS AGO.

I'M SORRY. I HAD A
LOT OF THINKING TO DO.

ABOUT US?

COLIN, LAST NIGHT YOU ASKED
ME WHO I AM, WHERE I'M FROM

AND WHY I CAME
TO FANTASY ISLAND.

MM-HMM?

I CAME HERE FOR YOU.

FOR ME?

WE'VE NEVER EVEN MET.

YES, WE HAVE. YOU
JUST DON'T REMEMBER.

IT WAS MORE THAN FOUR YEARS AGO.

YOU CAME OUT TO THE FARM
TO TAKE CARE OF OUR ANIMALS,

AND SISTER MARGARET
INTRODUCED YOU TO ALL OF US,

AND YOU TOLD SOME REALLY FUNNY
STORIES, AND YOU MADE US LAUGH.

YOU WERE SO GENTLE
WITH THE ANIMALS.

YOU WERE A NUN.

YEAH. I STILL AM.

UNTIL TOMORROW. THAT'S
WHEN I HAVE TO DECIDE

WHETHER OR NOT TO
TAKE MY FINAL VOWS.

AND?

THERE'S NOTHING FOR
ME THERE ANYMORE.

CAN YOU BE SO SURE?

MM-HMM.

WHEN I FIRST
ENTERED THE CONVENT,

I WANTED TO BE JUST
LIKE SAINT THERESA.

THE TOY BALL.

YOU KNOW THE STORY.

OF COURSE, YOU WOULD IF
YOU KNEW SISTER MARGARET.

WELL, ANYWAY, IT JUST
DIDN'T WORK OUT FOR ME.

THE BABY JESUS NEVER USED ME.

IN ALL THOSE YEARS, I
WAS LEFT UNTOUCHED.

EVEN WHEN SISTER MARGARET
WAS DYING OF CANCER,

AND SHE WAS ONLY 35.

COULDN'T HE HAVE
EVEN HEARD ME THEN?

YOU ARE SISTER MARY THERESA.

YEAH, THAT WAS MY NAME.

I'M SORRY. I...

I DON'T MEAN TO GO ON.

IT'S JUST THAT IT'S IMPORTANT
TO ME THAT YOU KNOW WHO I AM,

OR WAS.

AND I'M NOT BITTER.
I REALIZE NOW

THAT GOD HAS SOMETHING
ELSE IN MIND FOR ME...

MAYBE MARRYING YOU.

DO YOU LOVE ME?

I KNOW I CAN, AND I
KNOW YOU'RE A GOOD MAN,

AND I FEEL INSIDE THAT I
COULD BE A GOOD WIFE TO YOU.

AND I'LL TRY. I'LL
TRY REAL HARD,

JUST LIKE I DID
FOR THE TOY BALL.

I FEEL SO FOOLISH, SO ALONE.

DON'T.

I'LL BE AT THE BRIDGE TOMORROW

IF YOU WANT TO SEE ME,

AND IF YOU DON'T,
I'LL UNDERSTAND.

ANYTHING YET?

QUIET AS A CEMETERY, MR. ROARKE.

I DON'T LIKE THIS, TATTOO.
SOMETHING IS WRONG.

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

NOTHING. THAT'S JUST IT.

IT'S PERFECTLY QUIET.

I WAS CERTAIN THE ANNOUNCEMENT
OF MISS GARWOOD'S RETIREMENT

WOULD FORCE HIM TO MAKE A MOVE.

HIM? WHO?

THE ONE RESPONSIBLE
FOR THE CURSE.

AND IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN,

SOMEONE WHO'S COME
ONTO OUR ISLAND...

UNINVITED.

COME. WE'D BETTER
MAKE A PHONE CALL.

I WANT TO MAKE SURE
MISS GARWOOD IS SAFE.

[PHONE RINGING]

YES?

MISS GARWOOD?

OH, IT'S YOU. YOU
HAD ME WORRIED.

IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

YES, PERFECTLY. WHAT ABOUT YOU?

OH, IT'S BEEN ABSOLUTELY QUIET.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I'M GETTING SO BORED,

THAT I DON'T THINK THAT...

[SCREAMING]

WHAT HAPPENED, BOSS?

I DON'T KNOW.

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

YOU ARE STAYING HERE,
MY FRIEND, OUT OF DANGER.

I'M PLAYING A HUNCH,
WHICH HAD BETTER BE RIGHT.

IN THE UNITY OF
UNHOLY FELLOWSHIP,

WE PRAISE AND
HONOR FIRST LUCIFER

AND BEELZEBUB, PRINCE OF EARTH,

ANGEL OF DESTRUCTION.

WE CALL THY DREADFUL MINIONS

THE FULFILLMENT OF OUR DESIRES

AND THE DESTRUCTION
OF OUR ENEMIES.

HAIL TO THEE, BLACK PRINCE,

FROM THE GROTTO
WHOSE CHARGE WE BEAR.

HAIL TO THEE AND TO THY FATHERS

WITHIN WHO SCREAMED OUR
LAST AND SCREAMED IN TERROR

AND IN MERRIMENT, IN
FEAR AND IN ECSTASY,

IN LOANING US IN AN ANGER
UPON THE WHIM OF THEY WILL.

HAIL PRINCE OF THE
ABYSS. IN THEY NAME,

LET US BEHOLD THE
FATHER, THAT THE OLD ONE,

WHO REIGNETH UPON
THE WORLD OF HORRORS

COME AND SPEAK WITH US,

FOR WE WOULD AGAIN
STRENGTHEN THE BOND AND LIVE IT

WITHIN THE DARK ANGELS.

HAIL, FATHER OF THE
WORLD OF HORRORS.

HAIL, FATHER OF
THE HORNLESS ONES.

HAIL, RAM OF THE SON
AND THE DECKLESS ONE

WHO SLEEPETH NOT WHILE
THY HORROR AND THEY NAME

AND THEY BOND
LIVETH. I AM THAT I AM

THROUGH THE DARK
ANGELS THAT I SPEAK,

AND THE HORNLESS ONES,
AND I PLEDGE UNTO YOU

THE BONDS OF THE DEMONS
THROUGH WHOSE WILL THIS WORLD

HAS COME TO BE.

LET US SPEAK THE BOND OF
THE KNIGHT AND DARK ANGELS.

HAIL, FATHER...

[GASPING]

MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE!

FROM WHOM WE
RECEIVE ALL STRENGTH...

DO YOU SEE?

NOTHING SUPERNATURAL,
ONLY A MAN IN A BLACK CLOAK.

HUMAN HANDS HOLDING A SNAKE.

DANGEROUS, DEADLY...

BUT HARDLY SPIRITUAL.

[CHANTING CONTINUES]

PAUL!

YES. PAUL KENDALL,

THE MAN WHO ARRANGED
THE BLACK MASS.

THE ONE MAN WHOSE
BODY WAS NEVER FOUND.

TOO LATE.

NO ONE CAN SAVE HIM NOW.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

WHY WOULD PAUL
KENDALL WANT TO KILL ME?

BECAUSE HE CREATED YOU.

HE CREATED YOUR
TELEVISION IMAGE,

SO ANY THREAT TO THAT
IMAGE HAD TO BE DESTROYED.

DON'T YOU SEE?
YOUR FIANCES, MYSELF.

HE FEARED BEING CAUGHT,
SO HE STAGED HIS OWN DEATH.

BUT IF HE TRIED TO KILL ME,

WOULDN'T HE BE KILLING
THAT PRECIOUS IMAGE, TOO?

YOU HAD ALREADY DONE THAT TODAY,

WHEN YOU ANNOUNCED
YOUR RETIREMENT.

AT LEAST YOU GUYS
ARE STILL WITH ME. HERE.

COLIN!

I THOUGHT I'D BUY GERTRUDE
A BAG OF HER OWN TODAY.

HERE, GERTRUDE.

I DIDN'T COME TO
MARRY YOU, MARY.

I DON'T THINK I COULD
STAND THE COMPETITION.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

OH, JUST ABOUT
PEOPLE AND EMOTION.

THE WAY THINGS HAPPEN,
LIKE PEOPLE WE LOVE DYING,

AND HOW IT TURNS YOUR WHOLE
HEAD AROUND AND CONFUSES YOU.

BUT I'M NOT CONFUSED.

SISTER MARGARET WAS A SAINT.

YES, BUT YOU SAID
YOU WERE NEVER USED,

THAT IN ALL THE YEARS IN THE
CONVENT, YOU DID NO GOOD.

THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S TRUE.

IS IT?

YOU KNOW, WHEN I GOT
BACK FROM TANZANIA,

AMONG ALL THE
MAIL WAITING FOR ME

WAS A LETTER FROM
SISTER MARGARET.

SHE MUST HAVE WRITTEN IT JUST
A FEW DAYS BEFORE SHE DIED.

I'D LIKE YOU TO
HEAR A PART OF IT.

"THE PAIN GETS
WORSE EVERY DAY NOW.

OUTSIDE I CAN HEAR
THE CHILDREN PLAYING,

AND I WANT TO CRY
TO BE WITH THEM.

I KNOW I'M BEING TESTED NOW.

THE PAIN, THE PAIN,
AND EVERY DAY

I THANK GOD FOR
SISTER MARY THERESA.

I WOULD'VE GONE MAD
BY NOW IF NOT FOR HER,

DENOUNCED MY LIFE,
MY VOWS, MY GOD,

BUT SHE'S ALWAYS THERE,
LIKE THE ORIGINAL THERESA.

ALWAYS KIND AND SWEET,
TAKING CARE OF ME.

THE OTHER SISTERS TELL ME SHE'S
HELD THE WHOLE SCHOOL TOGETHER

JUST BY BEING HERSELF,

HER SIMPLE DEVOTION.

NO GREAT CATHEDRALS
OR HOSPITALS OR ANYTHING

CAN MATCH THE GREATEST
GIFT WHICH SHE GIVES US ALL...

HER LOVE AND GOODNESS."

MAY I PLEASE HAVE MY BALL BACK?

TIME TO THROW IT BACK, SISTER.

THEY NEED TO USE IT.

THANK YOU.

OH, MISS GARWOOD.

I'M SO HAPPY YOU WON THE AWARD.

OH, THANK YOU, TATTOO.

I JUST WANTED TO
STOP AND SAY GOODBYE.

I'M GLAD YOU DID.

HAVE YOU DECIDED
WHAT YOU WILL DO NOW?

NO, BUT I'M GOING TO TAKE
A LEAVE AND THINK ABOUT IT.

I SEE.

I SUPPOSE IT'S SAFE NOW IF
ANYONE WANTS TO CARE FOR ME.

CARE FOR YOU?

THE SPANIARDS HAVE A PROVERB.

WELL, ACTUALLY THEY HAVE A
PROVERB TO FIT ANY SITUATION,

BUT THIS ONE SAYS THAT YOU
CAN WANT A WOMAN FOR HER BODY,

BUT YOU CAN ONLY LOVE
HER FOR HER CHARACTER.

I THINK MANY MEN WILL WANT
TO LOVE YOU, MISS GARWOOD.

WELL, THANK YOU, GENTLEMEN,

FOR A WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE.

YOU ARE MOST
WELCOME, MISS ARDEN.

AND WHAT ABOUT
YOU, MR. BIRDSONG?

WAS THE FANTASY WORTH IT?

YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST
WONDERING THE SAME THING

UNTIL A FEW MINUTES AGO.

WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL, I CALLED MY BROTHER WHO
RUNS THE ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT

AT MONUMENT PICTURES.

AND?

WELL, HE OFFERED
ME A FULL-TIME JOB

WORKING IN THE
ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT.

DON'T YOU SEE, MR. ROARKE?

AS OF TOMORROW MORNING,
I REALLY WILL BE IN SHOWBIZ.

OH, CONGRATULATIONS,
MR. BIRDSONG.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

GOODBYE. GOODBYE.

GOODBYE, MISS ARDEN.

WELL, SISTER, I SEE YOU'VE
MADE YOUR DECISION.

I HOPE WE WERE OF
SOME ASSISTANCE.

OH, YES, MR. ROARKE. MORE
THAN YOU'LL EVER KNOW.

I REALIZE NOW
THAT I'VE BEEN LIVING

MY REAL FANTASY ALL
ALONG. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

YOU'RE VERY WELCOME, SISTER.

GOODBYE.

GOODBYE.

BYE!

OH, TATTOO, THE MONEY YOU
TRIED TO GIVE MISS GARWOOD,

SHE RETURNED IT TO ME.

I DON'T CARE, NOW THAT I
SOLD MY HORSE AND MY CAR.

WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT...

I BOUGHT THEM BACK.

OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

YES, THE GENTLEMAN
INSISTED ON $1,200.

$1,200?

YES.

BUT HE ONLY GAVE ME $1,000.

WELL, IT SEEMS HE HAS A RULE.
HE BUYS LOW AND SELLS HIGH.

BOSS, I'M SORRY. EVERY
TIME I TRY TO DO SOMETHING,

I COST YOU MONEY.

TATTOO, I CONSIDER A DEAR,
TRUE FRIENDSHIP SUCH AS OURS

BEYOND ANY PRICE.

THANK YOU, BOSS.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.