Family Matters (1989–1998): Season 1, Episode 16 - The Party - full transcript
Carl leaves Eddie in charge of the household while the adults go on an overnight trip. There's one major rule: No guests allowed! Eddie obeys at first, but then Rodney comes over to deliver pizza. Then two pretty girls show up ... and things quickly spiral into a huge house party that Eddie quickly loses control over. Rival football players even play football with Urkel! Only when Carl and Harriette arrive home early does everything calm down ... that is, until Urkel utters from inside the sofa, "Party of the year!"
[BOBBY BROWN'S "EVERY
LITTLE STEP" PLAYS OVER TV]
Oh, yes Just me and
her I'm crazy about her
Hi, Eddie.
Hey, Urkel. Laura's upstairs.
Yeah, I know. I just called her.
Boy, nobody slams a
phone down like Laura.
- Eddie? Eddie?
- Move, Steve.
You think I need a new approach?
Wouldn't hurt.
Now, if you could dance like
Bobby Brown, you might have a shot.
The babes love him.
Be there Every
little step I make
We'll be together
That doesn't look so hard.
You will be there
Every little step I make
We'll be together Hey.
Now, close your eyes and spin.
That's it. Now backpedal.
You got it, Steve. Come on.
All right, Steve. Yes.
Sometimes I'm so
clever I scare myself.
We were made to fall in love
Hey, Eddie. I think I got it.
You will be there
Every little step I
make We'll be to...
CARL: A lot of you
have asked me...
what to get my brother
Daryl for his 40th birthday.
I've known Daryl my whole
life. He's my big brother.
And I'm here to tell you
from the bottom of my heart...
I never liked him. Ha-ha-ha.
I thought you liked Daryl.
Well, I do, Mama.
These are just jokes.
Oh, jokes.
Remember the roast for my birthday?
Daryl did the same thing to me.
Yes, but when he
did it, it was funny.
Harriette, you think my
jokes are funny, don't you?
HARRIETTE: Mm-hm.
If you liked that, you're
gonna love this one.
Carl, before I split a gut, let's
go and say goodbye to the kids.
Wait a minute, Harriette.
Now, I'm not too sure about this.
It's a big step leaving the kids
alone, especially with Eddie in charge.
Oh, they'll be fine. Come on.
[CARL SIGHS]
Well, what do we have here?
- Meat loaf, mashed potatoes, string beans.
- Edward is cooking dinner?
Hm, maybe I should call 911
now and make a reservation.
Dad, I've got
everything under control.
You know, being
a parent is easy.
And all these years we've
been making it tough.
Now, Judy, Laura, while
we're gone Edward is in charge.
You're putting Eddie in charge? Do
you want a moment to reflect on this?
[CARL CHUCKLES]
And while we're gone, there
are to be no friends in the house.
Don't worry. The only person
who might come over is Rodney.
I know you don't mean Rodney.
Especially Rodney.
Now, son, I want you to
promise me, no friends.
All right. I promise.
If you'll excuse me, I have to
check on my béarnaise sauce.
Well, does somebody
wanna help me?
- Rachel, what do you have in here?
- Those are little Richie's things.
The stuff I have to
take to the babysitter.
His teddy bear and his little blanket, and
his rubber duckie and his little jammies.
Rachel, we're only
going for one night.
Oh, Harriette, I know, but
we've never been apart.
What if Richie wakes up in a
strange bed in a strange room...
and sees a stranger? What
if he forgets what I look like?
- Go ahead without me. I can't do it.
- Oh, no. Rachel, Rachel.
I know it's hard leaving
your baby for the first time.
But after that, it
gets a lot easier.
LAURA: Can you wait?
No, I want some.
EDWARD: Stop it.
- Believe me.
All right. But we're gonna
stop every 15 minutes...
so I can call and
check on Richie.
Come on. Let's hurry up and go
so I can hurry up and stop. Come on.
This is gonna be a swell trip.
Ta-da!
[EDWARD, LAURA & JUDY COUGHING]
I guess I
overcooked it a little.
Maybe it'll taste better
with the béarnaise sauce.
It's already on there.
Hand me that steak knife.
Pizza man.
It's Rodney. We're saved.
Hold it. You heard
what Dad said.
We can't let anybody
in. You promised.
What would you rather
eat, pizza or a charcoal loaf?
- Let the man in.
- Let the man in.
Hi, everyone. I heard Eddie was cooking
so I figured you might need some first aid.
Look, Rodney, um, after we eat
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
I promised I wouldn't
have anyone over tonight.
- Even me?
- Especially you.
Oh. I see you got my
mother's recipe for meat loaf.
Carl, I really wish we hadn't
gotten off the main highway.
Trust me, Harriette...
this is my special shortcut.
What kind of shortcut is
this? This is a dirt road.
This is not a dirt road.
It's got some gravel
and some grass.
Besides, it's the fastest, most
direct route to Sheboygan.
You're lost, aren't you, Carl?
I am not lost, Mama. I'm
just not sure where I am.
- There is a difference.
ESTELLE: Mm.
Rachel, hit that light
please while I check my map.
[CARL SIGHS]
- Carl, that's not a map. That's a napkin.
- I know it's a napkin.
Howard Simpson drew it
for me at the taco stand.
Is that Sheboygan?
No, that's hot sauce.
Carl, where are we?
Harriette, I'm finding
it. I am finding it.
Carl, how many times have I told
you there are no shortcuts in life?
About a billion times, Mama.
Ah. Here we are.
- We'll be in Sheboygan in a half an hour.
- Oh, good.
[ESTELLE LAUGHS]
[ENGINE SPUTTERS]
[LAUGHS]
The car won't start. Ha-ha-ha.
Very funny. Now start it
up and get us out of here.
I'm serious. The
car won't start.
Five sons and I've never
missed a birthday until tonight.
I knew I never should've
left little Richie at that sitter's.
When I was leaving, I swear he
said, "Mama, don't go to Sheboygan."
He said "Sheboygan"?
Look, everything
will be just fine.
I saw a gas station a
couple of miles back.
I'll walk there, have them
bring me back in their tow truck...
and we'll get the car started
and we'll go to the party.
Carl, you can't walk all the way back
there. It's dark and it's freezing outside.
You wanna go?
Here's the flashlight.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- Mm. It's them.
- Who?
At the pizzeria, I mentioned to
people that this is where I'd be.
Yeah? Well, they're not
coming in and you're going out.
Hey, it's your house.
I can imagine the kind of
people you met at the pizzeria.
BOTH: Hi.
- Hello.
You must be Eddie.
You're even cuter
than Rodney said.
[EDWARD LAUGHS]
Come in, girls.
Ha-ha-ha. Come on in.
Eddie, what are you doing?
- You wanna watch the Janet Jackson video?
- Sure.
Uh, I'll be right there.
You guys go ahead.
Yes! Thank you! Thank you!
Well, they seem very nice.
If you're having friends
over, I'm having friends over.
You're not gonna tell Mom
and Dad about this, are you?
Not if the price is right.
[SIGHS]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
- Hey, Lamar, come on in.
- Hey, Rodney.
I hope you don't
mind, I brought friends.
Hey, mi casa es su casa, dude.
- Hey, the party's in here!
MAN: Hey, all right. Hey, all right.
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
Wait a minute. Wait a
minute. There's no party here.
- Hey, Laura.
- Penny.
Thanks a lot. It's all over
town you're having this party...
and you don't invite
your best friend?
- No, no, wait. This is not a party.
- Yeah, this is not a party.
Will you get into it?
But this is not a party.
This is not a party.
Sure is taking Carl a
long time to walk 2 miles.
He probably took a shortcut.
- I'm sure he's fine.
- Oh, Harriette, I'm worried.
I mean, what if he runs into
a bear or a mountain lion?
Or worse.
You know, I once read a story
about people who live in the woods.
Big, hairy, ugly people...
who prey on innocent tourists
when their cars break down.
When the police
found the victims...
there was nothing left
of them but their shoes.
RACHEL: It's the ugly people!
[ALL SCREAMING]
Open the door!
Oh, it's Carl.
[HARRIETTE GRUNTS]
- Sorry.
- You okay, baby?
[SHIVERING]
Carl?
Where's the tow truck?
There is no tow truck. The
gas station was closed. Oh.
So this is where
I'm going to die.
I wanted to live to see Daryl turn
40. Is that too much to ask for, Carl?
I wanted to live to
see little Richie turn 1.
Look, there was a phone booth. I
called the emergency road service.
I told them our car broke
down on Highway 180.
We're easy to spot because we're
a couple miles from the gas station...
right underneath the
Highway 180 sign.
Brilliant, Carl.
That "Highway 180"
sign is what saved us.
I don't understand this.
Where is that tow
truck? It's been two hours.
I can't sit here any
longer. I'm going for help.
Wait, honey, I can't
let you go by yourself.
- Don't go, Carl. We need your
body heat. CARL: Oh, Mama.
[SIGHS]
I don't get this.
I gave our exact location. I said,
"We are on the side of the road...
right underneath the
Highway 180 sign."
HARRIETTE: Carl! CARL: What?
The sign says 130.
Didn't I say 130?
No, you said 180, Carl.
Well, I guess that
explains the delay.
Look, honey, just don't
tell the rest of them, please.
You know how I hate looking
like a fool in front of my mother.
Fine. Let's just get in the car
and figure out what to do next.
Well, what were two
you doing out there?
Carl gave the wrong
highway number.
We're back to square one.
Boy, Harriette, they really had to
beat that out of you, didn't they?
Well, we are in trouble now.
We are in more
trouble than you know.
Just before we left, I
drank a quart of prune juice.
HARRIETTE: What's that light?
It's a UFO!
Oh, it's not a UFO.
It's the highway patrol.
OFFICER: What's the problem, folks?
- Good evening, officer.
We, uh, seem to be
having a little car trouble.
Where you folks headed?
- Oh, we're on our way to Sheboygan.
- On this road?
Nobody takes this
road to Sheboygan.
See, Harriette? Ha. I'm the only one
who knows this shortcut. Ha-ha-ha.
[POP MUSIC PLAYING OVER STEREO]
EDWARD: Get back.
Move. Come on, now.
Told everyone we weren't
having no party. Watch it!
- Who are you?
- I'm Steve. I live next door.
- Well, do you have any girls with you?
- Yeah. In my back pocket.
[SNORTS AND LAUGHS]
Get out of my face.
Hi, Eddie. Having a party?
What tipped you off, Urkel?
Was it the three million kids
dancing in my living room?
Good one, Eddie.
Laura, my princess.
Hi, Laura.
Urkel, please. I don't
wanna talk to you.
Fine, then let's dance.
[STEVE GRUNTS]
STEVE: Aah!
Hello.
Hey, you. Get off that piano
bench. What's your problem?
Yo. Hey, hey.
- You Eddie?
- Yeah, why?
There's something wrong
with your water pressure.
Whoo! Eddie, great party.
Smile.
What are you doing?
It's called blackmail.
Laura, how did this ever happen?
Stay cool.
As long as a fight doesn't
break out, we're okay.
Fight! Fight in the
kitchen! Fight in the kitchen!
You were never in the end
zone. You were out of bounds.
I was not! It was a touchdown!
- Oh, right.
- Excuse me. Excuse me, fellas. Excuse me.
Thank you.
It wasn't that play that
cost you the championship.
It was your free safety.
I mean, the guy's a feeb.
His man was open all day. He
couldn't cover his head with his hat.
That feeb you
talking about was me.
ALL: Ooh.
MAN: Damn.
Actually, it was my
Dad who said that.
He's a very large man who
should be here any minute now.
You make me wanna
puke, you know that?
By any chance, is that
something you enjoy?
- Stuff him somewhere.
- Hey, come on, guys. No. Come on.
No, glasses,
glasses. Please, guys.
I'll call you, okay, Laura?
- Let's play that down over again, hog.
- Anytime.
- Let's do it!
- Yeah!
[ALL CHEERING AND WHOOPING]
Hey! This is my house...
and I will not allow
football in my kitchen!
- Shut up. MAN 2: Yeah.
Here's the ball.
Hey! That's my
mother's gravy boat!
Set! Hut one, hut
two. Hut, hut, hike.
Nice snap.
[CHEERING]
[CHATTERING]
Laura, what am I gonna do?
Hey, it was as much
my fault as it was yours.
- You really mean that?
- Yeah.
Don't worry. No matter
what, we're in this together.
Dad.
[MUSIC STOPS]
It was all his fault.
Look, Dad, I know what you're
thinking, but it's not as bad as it looks.
BARRY: Pass it! I'm open!
[POTS CLATTER]
My kitchen.
Move! Move, move, move!
All right, this party is over. Everybody
out. Let's go. Come on, let's go.
Come on, let's go.
You stay.
Harriette, the bathtub
is full of green Jell-O.
What in the world went on here?
You'll see. I've got
pictures of everything.
I can't believe you
did this, Edward.
I backed you up. I trusted you.
And then you go and have a party.
They threw a gravy
boat through the window.
Why would they do that?
They were playing football, Dad.
Let's kill him, Carl. We're still
young. We can have more children.
Hey, Harriette, it's okay. Harriette.
It's okay, Harriette. It's all right.
Uh, come on, Judy. I don't think
you need to be around to hear this.
[CARL SIGHS]
I didn't mean to have a party.
I just let Rodney
in with some pizzas.
Son, I told you not
to have anyone over...
while we were gone.
You promised me
that you wouldn't.
- And you broke your promise.
- Along with everything else in the house.
Son, we don't make these
rules up for our health.
There was a reason we didn't want you
to have anybody over while we were gone.
Now you found out the hard way.
- I'm sorry.
- Me too.
I guess you're gonna
ground us, huh?
Into dust.
Well, look, I think that
we're a little too upset...
to deal with this tonight.
We'll talk about it in the morning.
Now, you two upstairs to bed.
I'm gonna go and see if I can
find the other half of my gravy boat.
Boy, what a night.
[SIGHS]
[MUFFLED HUMMING]
Party of the year,
Carl. Party of the year.
Cheese ball?
[ENGLISH SDH]
LITTLE STEP" PLAYS OVER TV]
Oh, yes Just me and
her I'm crazy about her
Hi, Eddie.
Hey, Urkel. Laura's upstairs.
Yeah, I know. I just called her.
Boy, nobody slams a
phone down like Laura.
- Eddie? Eddie?
- Move, Steve.
You think I need a new approach?
Wouldn't hurt.
Now, if you could dance like
Bobby Brown, you might have a shot.
The babes love him.
Be there Every
little step I make
We'll be together
That doesn't look so hard.
You will be there
Every little step I make
We'll be together Hey.
Now, close your eyes and spin.
That's it. Now backpedal.
You got it, Steve. Come on.
All right, Steve. Yes.
Sometimes I'm so
clever I scare myself.
We were made to fall in love
Hey, Eddie. I think I got it.
You will be there
Every little step I
make We'll be to...
CARL: A lot of you
have asked me...
what to get my brother
Daryl for his 40th birthday.
I've known Daryl my whole
life. He's my big brother.
And I'm here to tell you
from the bottom of my heart...
I never liked him. Ha-ha-ha.
I thought you liked Daryl.
Well, I do, Mama.
These are just jokes.
Oh, jokes.
Remember the roast for my birthday?
Daryl did the same thing to me.
Yes, but when he
did it, it was funny.
Harriette, you think my
jokes are funny, don't you?
HARRIETTE: Mm-hm.
If you liked that, you're
gonna love this one.
Carl, before I split a gut, let's
go and say goodbye to the kids.
Wait a minute, Harriette.
Now, I'm not too sure about this.
It's a big step leaving the kids
alone, especially with Eddie in charge.
Oh, they'll be fine. Come on.
[CARL SIGHS]
Well, what do we have here?
- Meat loaf, mashed potatoes, string beans.
- Edward is cooking dinner?
Hm, maybe I should call 911
now and make a reservation.
Dad, I've got
everything under control.
You know, being
a parent is easy.
And all these years we've
been making it tough.
Now, Judy, Laura, while
we're gone Edward is in charge.
You're putting Eddie in charge? Do
you want a moment to reflect on this?
[CARL CHUCKLES]
And while we're gone, there
are to be no friends in the house.
Don't worry. The only person
who might come over is Rodney.
I know you don't mean Rodney.
Especially Rodney.
Now, son, I want you to
promise me, no friends.
All right. I promise.
If you'll excuse me, I have to
check on my béarnaise sauce.
Well, does somebody
wanna help me?
- Rachel, what do you have in here?
- Those are little Richie's things.
The stuff I have to
take to the babysitter.
His teddy bear and his little blanket, and
his rubber duckie and his little jammies.
Rachel, we're only
going for one night.
Oh, Harriette, I know, but
we've never been apart.
What if Richie wakes up in a
strange bed in a strange room...
and sees a stranger? What
if he forgets what I look like?
- Go ahead without me. I can't do it.
- Oh, no. Rachel, Rachel.
I know it's hard leaving
your baby for the first time.
But after that, it
gets a lot easier.
LAURA: Can you wait?
No, I want some.
EDWARD: Stop it.
- Believe me.
All right. But we're gonna
stop every 15 minutes...
so I can call and
check on Richie.
Come on. Let's hurry up and go
so I can hurry up and stop. Come on.
This is gonna be a swell trip.
Ta-da!
[EDWARD, LAURA & JUDY COUGHING]
I guess I
overcooked it a little.
Maybe it'll taste better
with the béarnaise sauce.
It's already on there.
Hand me that steak knife.
Pizza man.
It's Rodney. We're saved.
Hold it. You heard
what Dad said.
We can't let anybody
in. You promised.
What would you rather
eat, pizza or a charcoal loaf?
- Let the man in.
- Let the man in.
Hi, everyone. I heard Eddie was cooking
so I figured you might need some first aid.
Look, Rodney, um, after we eat
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
I promised I wouldn't
have anyone over tonight.
- Even me?
- Especially you.
Oh. I see you got my
mother's recipe for meat loaf.
Carl, I really wish we hadn't
gotten off the main highway.
Trust me, Harriette...
this is my special shortcut.
What kind of shortcut is
this? This is a dirt road.
This is not a dirt road.
It's got some gravel
and some grass.
Besides, it's the fastest, most
direct route to Sheboygan.
You're lost, aren't you, Carl?
I am not lost, Mama. I'm
just not sure where I am.
- There is a difference.
ESTELLE: Mm.
Rachel, hit that light
please while I check my map.
[CARL SIGHS]
- Carl, that's not a map. That's a napkin.
- I know it's a napkin.
Howard Simpson drew it
for me at the taco stand.
Is that Sheboygan?
No, that's hot sauce.
Carl, where are we?
Harriette, I'm finding
it. I am finding it.
Carl, how many times have I told
you there are no shortcuts in life?
About a billion times, Mama.
Ah. Here we are.
- We'll be in Sheboygan in a half an hour.
- Oh, good.
[ESTELLE LAUGHS]
[ENGINE SPUTTERS]
[LAUGHS]
The car won't start. Ha-ha-ha.
Very funny. Now start it
up and get us out of here.
I'm serious. The
car won't start.
Five sons and I've never
missed a birthday until tonight.
I knew I never should've
left little Richie at that sitter's.
When I was leaving, I swear he
said, "Mama, don't go to Sheboygan."
He said "Sheboygan"?
Look, everything
will be just fine.
I saw a gas station a
couple of miles back.
I'll walk there, have them
bring me back in their tow truck...
and we'll get the car started
and we'll go to the party.
Carl, you can't walk all the way back
there. It's dark and it's freezing outside.
You wanna go?
Here's the flashlight.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- Mm. It's them.
- Who?
At the pizzeria, I mentioned to
people that this is where I'd be.
Yeah? Well, they're not
coming in and you're going out.
Hey, it's your house.
I can imagine the kind of
people you met at the pizzeria.
BOTH: Hi.
- Hello.
You must be Eddie.
You're even cuter
than Rodney said.
[EDWARD LAUGHS]
Come in, girls.
Ha-ha-ha. Come on in.
Eddie, what are you doing?
- You wanna watch the Janet Jackson video?
- Sure.
Uh, I'll be right there.
You guys go ahead.
Yes! Thank you! Thank you!
Well, they seem very nice.
If you're having friends
over, I'm having friends over.
You're not gonna tell Mom
and Dad about this, are you?
Not if the price is right.
[SIGHS]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
- Hey, Lamar, come on in.
- Hey, Rodney.
I hope you don't
mind, I brought friends.
Hey, mi casa es su casa, dude.
- Hey, the party's in here!
MAN: Hey, all right. Hey, all right.
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
Wait a minute. Wait a
minute. There's no party here.
- Hey, Laura.
- Penny.
Thanks a lot. It's all over
town you're having this party...
and you don't invite
your best friend?
- No, no, wait. This is not a party.
- Yeah, this is not a party.
Will you get into it?
But this is not a party.
This is not a party.
Sure is taking Carl a
long time to walk 2 miles.
He probably took a shortcut.
- I'm sure he's fine.
- Oh, Harriette, I'm worried.
I mean, what if he runs into
a bear or a mountain lion?
Or worse.
You know, I once read a story
about people who live in the woods.
Big, hairy, ugly people...
who prey on innocent tourists
when their cars break down.
When the police
found the victims...
there was nothing left
of them but their shoes.
RACHEL: It's the ugly people!
[ALL SCREAMING]
Open the door!
Oh, it's Carl.
[HARRIETTE GRUNTS]
- Sorry.
- You okay, baby?
[SHIVERING]
Carl?
Where's the tow truck?
There is no tow truck. The
gas station was closed. Oh.
So this is where
I'm going to die.
I wanted to live to see Daryl turn
40. Is that too much to ask for, Carl?
I wanted to live to
see little Richie turn 1.
Look, there was a phone booth. I
called the emergency road service.
I told them our car broke
down on Highway 180.
We're easy to spot because we're
a couple miles from the gas station...
right underneath the
Highway 180 sign.
Brilliant, Carl.
That "Highway 180"
sign is what saved us.
I don't understand this.
Where is that tow
truck? It's been two hours.
I can't sit here any
longer. I'm going for help.
Wait, honey, I can't
let you go by yourself.
- Don't go, Carl. We need your
body heat. CARL: Oh, Mama.
[SIGHS]
I don't get this.
I gave our exact location. I said,
"We are on the side of the road...
right underneath the
Highway 180 sign."
HARRIETTE: Carl! CARL: What?
The sign says 130.
Didn't I say 130?
No, you said 180, Carl.
Well, I guess that
explains the delay.
Look, honey, just don't
tell the rest of them, please.
You know how I hate looking
like a fool in front of my mother.
Fine. Let's just get in the car
and figure out what to do next.
Well, what were two
you doing out there?
Carl gave the wrong
highway number.
We're back to square one.
Boy, Harriette, they really had to
beat that out of you, didn't they?
Well, we are in trouble now.
We are in more
trouble than you know.
Just before we left, I
drank a quart of prune juice.
HARRIETTE: What's that light?
It's a UFO!
Oh, it's not a UFO.
It's the highway patrol.
OFFICER: What's the problem, folks?
- Good evening, officer.
We, uh, seem to be
having a little car trouble.
Where you folks headed?
- Oh, we're on our way to Sheboygan.
- On this road?
Nobody takes this
road to Sheboygan.
See, Harriette? Ha. I'm the only one
who knows this shortcut. Ha-ha-ha.
[POP MUSIC PLAYING OVER STEREO]
EDWARD: Get back.
Move. Come on, now.
Told everyone we weren't
having no party. Watch it!
- Who are you?
- I'm Steve. I live next door.
- Well, do you have any girls with you?
- Yeah. In my back pocket.
[SNORTS AND LAUGHS]
Get out of my face.
Hi, Eddie. Having a party?
What tipped you off, Urkel?
Was it the three million kids
dancing in my living room?
Good one, Eddie.
Laura, my princess.
Hi, Laura.
Urkel, please. I don't
wanna talk to you.
Fine, then let's dance.
[STEVE GRUNTS]
STEVE: Aah!
Hello.
Hey, you. Get off that piano
bench. What's your problem?
Yo. Hey, hey.
- You Eddie?
- Yeah, why?
There's something wrong
with your water pressure.
Whoo! Eddie, great party.
Smile.
What are you doing?
It's called blackmail.
Laura, how did this ever happen?
Stay cool.
As long as a fight doesn't
break out, we're okay.
Fight! Fight in the
kitchen! Fight in the kitchen!
You were never in the end
zone. You were out of bounds.
I was not! It was a touchdown!
- Oh, right.
- Excuse me. Excuse me, fellas. Excuse me.
Thank you.
It wasn't that play that
cost you the championship.
It was your free safety.
I mean, the guy's a feeb.
His man was open all day. He
couldn't cover his head with his hat.
That feeb you
talking about was me.
ALL: Ooh.
MAN: Damn.
Actually, it was my
Dad who said that.
He's a very large man who
should be here any minute now.
You make me wanna
puke, you know that?
By any chance, is that
something you enjoy?
- Stuff him somewhere.
- Hey, come on, guys. No. Come on.
No, glasses,
glasses. Please, guys.
I'll call you, okay, Laura?
- Let's play that down over again, hog.
- Anytime.
- Let's do it!
- Yeah!
[ALL CHEERING AND WHOOPING]
Hey! This is my house...
and I will not allow
football in my kitchen!
- Shut up. MAN 2: Yeah.
Here's the ball.
Hey! That's my
mother's gravy boat!
Set! Hut one, hut
two. Hut, hut, hike.
Nice snap.
[CHEERING]
[CHATTERING]
Laura, what am I gonna do?
Hey, it was as much
my fault as it was yours.
- You really mean that?
- Yeah.
Don't worry. No matter
what, we're in this together.
Dad.
[MUSIC STOPS]
It was all his fault.
Look, Dad, I know what you're
thinking, but it's not as bad as it looks.
BARRY: Pass it! I'm open!
[POTS CLATTER]
My kitchen.
Move! Move, move, move!
All right, this party is over. Everybody
out. Let's go. Come on, let's go.
Come on, let's go.
You stay.
Harriette, the bathtub
is full of green Jell-O.
What in the world went on here?
You'll see. I've got
pictures of everything.
I can't believe you
did this, Edward.
I backed you up. I trusted you.
And then you go and have a party.
They threw a gravy
boat through the window.
Why would they do that?
They were playing football, Dad.
Let's kill him, Carl. We're still
young. We can have more children.
Hey, Harriette, it's okay. Harriette.
It's okay, Harriette. It's all right.
Uh, come on, Judy. I don't think
you need to be around to hear this.
[CARL SIGHS]
I didn't mean to have a party.
I just let Rodney
in with some pizzas.
Son, I told you not
to have anyone over...
while we were gone.
You promised me
that you wouldn't.
- And you broke your promise.
- Along with everything else in the house.
Son, we don't make these
rules up for our health.
There was a reason we didn't want you
to have anybody over while we were gone.
Now you found out the hard way.
- I'm sorry.
- Me too.
I guess you're gonna
ground us, huh?
Into dust.
Well, look, I think that
we're a little too upset...
to deal with this tonight.
We'll talk about it in the morning.
Now, you two upstairs to bed.
I'm gonna go and see if I can
find the other half of my gravy boat.
Boy, what a night.
[SIGHS]
[MUFFLED HUMMING]
Party of the year,
Carl. Party of the year.
Cheese ball?
[ENGLISH SDH]