Family Matters (1989–1998): Season 1, Episode 15 - The Big Reunion - full transcript

Carl tries to lose some weight in time for an upcoming class reunion, where he is expected to perform with his high school band.

Hey, Laura, if Mom asks, tell her I'm
meeting the guys to play basketball.

Tell her yourself.
I'm not your secretary.

Hi, Eddie.

Hi, Steve.

You ready to dribble the old brown
ball, shoot some hoops, bang the boards?

Urkel, why do you put
yourself through this?

Nobody ever picks
you for their team.

Well, I was close last time.

I would have gotten in if Sheila
Schwartz hadn't shown up.

Yeah, it was pretty amazing how
well she played in those high heels.

Nice socks.



See you.

So, Laura, wanna
play some one on one?

No, I don't.

- And why don't you stick to chess?
- Yeah, it's more your game.

No, I've been
practicing. Watch this.

Did I do that?

No, it's the prize that
came with the cereal.

[SNORTS THEN CHUCKLES]

The greatest thing
happened at work today.

One of the guys
in produce got fired.

Why is that great?

It's not great that he got fired, but it's
great there's an opening in produce.

So, what's your point?

All the biggies
started in produce.



Louie in Fish, Chuck in
Meats, Stella in Cheese.

Go for it, Eddie.

Reach for the stars.

Yeah.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello?

Darnell?

Of course I know who you are.

Carl's told me all about you.

You're kidding?

When?

Carl's gonna be so excited.

Yeah, I'm looking
forward to meeting you too.

Bye, Darnell.

That was one of Carl's
closest friends from high school.

Was that Darnell Coleman or
Darnell Watkins or Darnell Clark?

- Darnell Clark.
- Uh-huh.

- Were all Dad's friends
named Darnell? ESTELLE: Yes.

Those were very confusing times.

Carl's been telling me what
a hot singing group they were.

Dad was in a singing group?

Yes, he was.

They called
themselves The Darnells.

- Hi, everybody.
EDWARD: Hi, Dad.

HARRIETTE: Hi, baby.

Mm. Something smells good.

I didn't know you
were in a singing group.

Well, yeah, in high school.

- Did you ever do a video?
- No.

Did you ever burn
your guitar on stage?

Of course not.

He wasn't in a singing group.

Why are they asking me all this?

Carl, Darnell Clark called
from Springfield today.

You're kidding. Why, I haven't seen
him in 20 years. What's he up to?

One thing he's up to is organizing
your 20th high school reunion.

- It's next month.
- Oh?

Uh, heh. I can't make it.

Carl, we're talking
about your 20th reunion.

The Darnells will be
there. Ain't that exciting?

If you like that sort of thing.

I'm with Dad. Once you're out of high
school, why would you wanna go back?

You know, I don't get to say
this much, but Eddie's right.

I don't get this. We're
talking about The Darnells.

They were your best friends.

I know, Harriette, but
reunions are overrated.

I went to my 50th reunion...

and spent the whole night
dancing with Walter Simons.

Sounds like you two hit it off.

We had to. We were
the only ones there.

Carl, don't you wanna
see The Darnells?

You were so close.

Harriette, things change.

People change.

But that's part of the fun,
to see how they've changed.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means people change.

Well, why don't you just come
right out and say it, Harriette?

Say what?

That I'm fat.

Okay, I said it.

And I'm too fat to
go to my reunion.

Oh, so that's it.

You don't wanna go because
you've put on a few pounds.

But, Harriette, The
Darnells were track stars.

They could eat anything they
want and not gain an ounce.

We're talking metabolism here,
Harriette. They have it, I don't.

Carl, if you're that
concerned about your weight...

why don't you diet?
You have a month.

Harriette, I have tried every diet under
the sun and I've never lost any weight.

I fasted for a week
and went up a size.

- Hi. HARRIETTE: Hi.

What a workout tonight.

I feel great.

If you want something to
eat, there are some leftovers.

Oh, no, thanks. I'm
too pumped to eat.

I'll just have a glass of
water with a twist of lemon.

On second thought, forget the
lemon. I'm watching my weight. Ha-ha.

What?

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

Not if you thinking in
getting Rachel involved.

But, Carl, she can help you.

Harriette, it is just
too embarrassing.

I don't want anyone to
know why I'm not going.

Especially Miss
Too Pumped To Eat.

[IMITATES RACHEL'S LAUGH]

So, what did you
guys do tonight?

We talked about how fat Carl is.

Thank you, Harriette.

Carl, I wish you'd stop
acting like a baby...

lose some weight and
go to your class reunion.

Oh, I get it.

You've put on a few pounds
and now you're embarrassed.

Who me? Embarrassed?

I am not embarrassed.
I'm just not going.

Let me ask you something, Carl.

If you could lose a few pounds,
would you go to your reunion?

- Maybe.
- Then it's no problem.

I'll put you on my special
program of diet and exercise.

I guarantee you'll lose weight.

- Really?
- Yes.

As long as you're
committed to it.

What do you say?

Come on, Carl. Do it.

Oh, all right.

I'll go on a diet.

- Here you go.
- Thanks.

- Here's the butter.
- Give me the cheese.

Harriette, this diet is torture.

I'm dizzy, my vision is
blurred and I'm short of breath.

Carl, grow up.

It's only been 12 hours.

Could you pass the lasagna?

Do think you could sneak
this past the jaws of life?

Dad!

Let me just breathe in the tomato
sauce. Let me get a little whiff.

Okay.

Carl, yours is almost ready.

So, Eddie, how did you do
in the big vegetable interview?

You know, produce is a
lot harder than people think.

Flunked, huh?

I didn't flunk.

I aced the written test.

But when I was spraying the lettuce,
the hose kind of got away from me.

And after all that time you
practiced with the garden hose.

Yeah. I soaked two customers
and knocked down Mr. Fukamoto.

Oh, I still got a chance.

It's between me
and two other guys.

They're better with the
hose, but I'm the smartest.

And they find their way
to work every morning?

All right, Carl,
here's your dinner.

Now, you thought that lasagna
looked good, but feast your eyes on this.

That's it?

Three stalks of asparagus
and some steamed broccoli?

Rachel, I've had more food
than this stuck between my teeth.

What?

This is unbelievable.

My own family doesn't trust me.

"Dear Carl, have a glass
of water and go to bed."

Get out of here.

My candy stash.

Yeah.

"Dear Carl, nice
try. Now, go to bed."

Food. I need food.

Salt, pepper, toothpicks,
baby food, cooking oil...

cornstarch... Baby food.

"Strained spaghetti
and meatball."

Yeah.

[UTENSILS CLANGING]

Shh!

HARRIETTE: Carl, is that you?

[UTENSILS CLANGING]

Carl, baby food?

That's pathetic.

Hand it over.

[MUSIC PLAYS ON TV]

WOMAN [ON TV]: This week
only, two pizzas for the price of one.

Your choice of any of our del...

MAN 1: We're talking huge smorgasbord. All
you can eat. Steak, lobster, roast beef...

MAN 2: And now stay tuned
for our feature presentation:

My Dinner with Andre.

[TV CLICKS OFF]

- You want the rest of my cupcake?
- No, three is my limit.

Looking good.

Thanks.

Gosh, I didn't mean
to leave this here.

- Leave what?
- I'm proud of you, Dad.

[CHUCKLES]

[SOBS]

[PANTS]

Okay, 15 minutes.

- You're finished.
- Hallelujah.

Oh, Carl, I am so proud of you.

You stuck to the Rachel
method for a whole week.

And now, it's time to
kick it into high gear.

- Yes.
- Drop and give me 50!

Hi.

So, Eddie, what's the verdict?
Did you skyrocket to produce?

I'm not gonna tell you.

I'm gonna show you.

[FAMILY GASPS THEN CHEERS]

Take off the jacket.

- Oh, I'm so proud of you.
- Oh.

So how are your tomatoes?

I don't know. Why do you ask?

EDWARD: Hey, Dad, I got the job.

Oh, I can see.

Congratulations, son.

So how are your tomatoes?

Why does everybody
keep asking me that?

We'll explain it to you
after your father's weigh in.

Come on, Carl. Let's see
how much weight you've lost.

Are you sure that works right?

I can check it for you.

I know exactly how much I weigh.

They weighed me
at my last physical.

- When was that?
- 1947.

Yep, right on the button.

[LAUGHS]

Your turn.

Oh, this is dumb. I haven't
lost any weight. I just know it.

Oh, come on, Carl, how's this?

We'll all turn our
heads. Nobody will look.

This will be your
own private moment.

Oh, that sounds okay.

It worked. I lost 11 pounds.

[ALL CHEER AND LAUGH]

- Way to go, son.
- All right, Dad. I'm proud of you.

Does this mean we
can go to the reunion?

You bet.

I'll call Darnell, tell
him you're singing.

Singing? What are
you talking about?

Darnell called, all of you are
gonna be singing at the reunion.

On stage?

In front of everybody?

What's wrong with that?

Well, it was one thing
when I was gonna mingle...

but now I'm in the spotlight.

Forget that, I'm not
going to the reunion.

Oh, Dad.

You eat that and you
can kiss your diet goodbye.

Goodbye.

Harriette, hand me the
fudge on the stove, please.

Honey, there's just too much emphasis
in our culture these days on being thin.

I mean, everywhere you look,
in TV, movies, magazines...

all these 90-pound people
walking around smiling and dancing.

Where do they get the strength?

Beats me.

I've never been what
you could call thin.

I mean, as a baby, I was chubby.

As a kid, I was husky.

And now, as an
adult, I'm big boned.

But for as long as I can
remember, I've always been happy.

Carl... if you're happy...

then why are you worried about
what people at the reunion think?

Well, it's not everybody
that I'm worried about.

It's just The Darnells.

Carl, The Darnells
are your friends.

All they're gonna care about is
who you are and how you're doing.

Not if you've picked
up a few extra pounds.

You really think so?

If they're your
friends, I know so.

Okay, I'll pass on the sundae.

Besides, I wanna be sure I
can fit into my suit for the reunion.

Good for you, Carl.

[CHUCKLES]

And anyway, you're
the only sugar I need.

Oh.

Hi.

Wait a minute, you're Winslow.

Miss Gilbert.

You know, you never handed in
that book report on Silas Marner.

Oh, uh... My dog ate it.

[CHUCKLES]

The same old Winslow.

[CARL CHUCKLES]

Thank you.

I've only been here five minutes
and already I've got homework.

Carl Winslow, right?

Right. And you're...?

Russell.

Russell Wilcox.

- You sat behind me in
homeroom. RUSSELL: Right.

- How are you?
- Good.

- This is my wife, Harriette.
- Hi.

Hi, how are you?

And this is my little
woman, remember?

Don't "little woman"
me, Russell.

Oh, quit blowing one note,
Irene. You're just like your mother.

Oh, yeah? Well, how's this?

I want a divorce.

I'll be in the car.

Good.

I'll be at the bar!

Nice seeing you again, Carl.

- Nice meeting you, Harriette.
HARRIETTE: You too.

Who was that fun couple?

Russell and Irene. They were
voted the class Romeo and Juliet.

MAN: Carl. Ah-ha-ha!

I don't believe it! Oh...

Gosh, it's good to see you.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, and you must be Harriette.

- You are gorgeous.
- Oh, thank you.

- Now, Carl, what has it been, 20 years?
- Oh-ho. At least.

[LAUGHS]

Who are you?

Who am I?

[SINGS] Doo doo wah

Darnell! Harriette,
it's Darnell!

[BOTH LAUGH]

Man, look at you.

- Oh, Carl, you look great.
- So do you.

Oh, well, thank you, but I
have put on a few pounds.

Mostly in the arms
and shoulders, though.

Let me introduce
you to my wife. Janet.

Janet, I'd like you to meet
Harriette and Carl Winslow.

- Oh, Carl, I have heard so much about you.
- Nice to meet you.

And I've heard so much about Darnell.
It's so nice to finally meet both of you.

You know, when Darnell heard about
the reunion, he didn't wanna come.

He was embarrassed
about his weight.

Janet put me on a diet.

I have lost 3 whole pounds.

[LAUGHS]

Doesn't he look great?

Yeah.

I didn't even recognize him.

MAN: Carl!
- Ooh. It's Darnell and Darnell.

Go easy on them. They've
kind of let themselves go.

- Carl.
- Darnell. Darnell.

- Darnell.
- Darnell.

Darnell!

[LAUGHING]

- Darnell.
- Yeah.

- Hey.
- How you doing?

Look at you.

- Hey.
- Darnell.

Look at you, man. You look...

- Darnell.
- Yeah.

And you must be Harriette.

Well, if it's easier for you,
you can call me Darnell.

[LAUGHS]

Man, look at this guy.

He's practically invisible.

Hey, he's so skinny,
he could be an x-ray.

Hey, brother, how you weigh
yourself, on a postage scale?

[LAUGHING]

Didn't I tell you these
guys were fun guys?

Listen, guys, you think we could find an
empty classroom and rehearse our song?

Yeah, but listen, can we
get something to eat first?

Hey, you read my mind.

- I'll catch up with you.
- Okay.

Harriette, thank
you. I love you.

I love you too, Skinny.

[CARL CHUCKLES]

Darnell, look... Wait a minute.

[INTRO TO "DO YOU
LOVE ME" PLAYS]

[SINGING] You broke my heart

Because I couldn't dance

You didn't even want me around

But, baby, Now I'm back

I'm here to tell you

I can really shake it down

[CROWD CHEERS]

Do you love me?

DARNELLS: Do you love me?

Ah, do you love?

DARNELLS: Do you love
me - Ah, do you love me

DARNELLS: Do you love me

CARL AND DARNELLS:
Now that I can dance

Dance Ow, watch me now Hey

DARNELLS: Work, work

CARL: Oh, work it out,
baby DARNELLS: Work, work

You know I'm absolutely crazy

DARNELLS: Work, work

Come on and work
it With the Darnells

DARNELLS: Work - Yeah

Now I can mash potatoes

DARNELLS: I can mash
potatoes - And I can do the twist

DARNELLS: I can do the twist

Now won't you tell me, baby

DARNELLS: Tell me baby
Ah, do you like it like this

DARNELLS: Do
you like it like this

- Tell me - Tell
me - Tell me - Ow!

- Now do you love me?
DARNELLS: Do you love me?

CARL: Now do you love me?

DARNELLS: Do you love
me? CARL: Ah, do you love me?

DARNELLS: Do you love me?

CARL AND DARNELLS:
Now that I can dance

Dance, dance Now,
that I can dance Yeah

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[ENGLISH SDH]