Family Guy (1998–…): Season 20, Episode 4 - 80's Guy - full transcript
Peter's nostalgia for the '80s compels him to recreate iconic movie scenes from that decade; Stewie competes with Doug to retrieve a frisbee from the top of the jungle gym.
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
♪ Is violence in
movies and sex on TV ♪
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
♪ All the things that make us ♪
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
Welcome to tumbling class.
Moms, please enjoy,
while dads grumble about
how much the class costs.
240 bucks for a mat and a room.
Now let's all gather 'round
because Stewie is
gonna do a somersault.
Nailed it.
Well, that's basically fine,
and I don't honestly care,
so unless there's an unexpected
appearance from a rival baby...
Perhaps I could take a shot.
It's Doug!
That's Stewie's rival.
What are you doing here, Doug?
Eh, thought I'd give
this tumbling thing a try.
So what do I do, just fall down
like literally anyone
affected by gravity?
Um, there's a bit
more to it than that.
One can't just show
up and hope to execute,
say, a perfect somers...
Oh, oh, he's very good!
Hmm. Something like that?
- Wow!
- Now that's tumbling!
Boys can be good at this till
nine, then the whispers start.
Calm down, it wasn't that great.
Stewie, give Doug
your shirt and overalls.
He's my son now.
We now return
to Christopher Nolan's Tenet.
I'm already completely lost.
Dad, can I ask you
something about girls?
Are you wearing a wire?
There's a girl in my
class I have a crush on,
and I can't get
her to notice me.
Ah, now I understand.
Lucky for you, there's
a bunch of old movies
on this very subject.
Here. Sixteen Candles.
Can't Buy Me
Love, Say Anything...
all on very inconvenient VHS.
VHS? What do
those letters stand for?
That information has
been lost to history.
Anyway, Chris, just
watch these movies
and do what the
28-year-old teenagers do.
I guess I could try.
After all, they tried to do
Superman in Boston once.
I've noticed that you're never
around when Superman's here.
Are... are you Superman?
What is ya, wacked in the head?
I'm Clahk. Plain ol' Clahk.
Okay, back to our
Boston newspaper job.
Spotlight.
What?!
Show-and-tell time.
Finally a chance
to reclaim my honor
after that whole
tumbling fiasco.
Next up for
show-and-tell: Stewie.
Hello, everyone.
This is a weird seashell
that kind of looks
like female genitalia
that my dad likes.
Lois, where's my she shell?
Oh, Stewie took
it to show-and-tell.
Well, I hope no one
puts it to their ear.
Incredible, right?
Thank you, Stewie.
And, so you know, many
middle-aged women have seashells
in their powder rooms.
Okay, next up is Doug.
Hello, gang,
and have I got some
show-and-tell for you.
This is a ticket stub
from a PG movie
that I got to see
in the theater...
alone.
Wow!
Also, I've been
on a Disney cruise.
Hey, who's this in the
picture with Moana?
Oh, me? Huh.
- No way!
- Moana is famously agoraphobic.
Yes, but she's
managing it day by day,
thanks to CBD oil.
This cruise was
a big step for her.
Okay, I think we
can all agree that
these are very
lame show-and-tell...
And finally, a piece of
candy from the London airport.
Aw, a Lion Bar?
I'm sorry, did I say
"a piece of candy"?
More like British candy
for the whole class!
Drumstick Squashies and
rose-flavored wine gums
for everyone!
Hello, Show-and-Tell
National Championships
in DeKalb, Illinois, I
have a nominee for you.
Dammit. I'm sick of
being one-upped by Doug.
Hurts.
It hurts worse than a
trip to the barber shop.
This is what babies
think happens at haircuts!
Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Burbeck.
Do you have a
daughter named Jennifer,
who is currently smeared
across Highway 9?
Joe, it's us.
Oh, sorry. That's my next stop.
Peter, your son was lurking
outside a classmate's window
with this boom box,
playing Peter Gabriel.
He's being charged
with felony stalking.
I also tried to use science
to make a sex slave
from a magazine photo.
Oh, this is horrifying!
- Actually, it's the '80s.
- What?
Well, it appears that
someone has exposed your son
to the very problematic
teen films of the 1980s.
Peter, tell me it wasn't you.
Honestly, Lois, I have no idea.
My brain can't even
think thoughts no more
- 'cause of the Internet.
- Ugh, that's it.
From now on, you
are an outside Peter.
Go on! Get!
Outside!
Go to your Peter house.
Go to your Peter house!
God, look at Doug over there,
throwing a Frisbee
with the kindergarteners
and a shorter-than-average
first-grader.
- Thinks he's so cool.
- Yup.
There must be some way I
can finally one-up that guy,
and you're clearly looking
for cat turds right now.
Yup. Y... Huh? Wait, uh, wait.
- Aw, gum.
- Help me out, man.
I need something to win
back everyone's attention.
Wait, I know!
What if I flip my
eyelids inside out?
Show everyone what a freak I am.
Huh? I could carve this out.
Right? This could be my thing.
I don't think so, Stewie.
All right, well what if I
just, like, do Doug's mom?
Uh... Y... I-I mean,
yeah, yeah, that...
I mean, that would... that
would pretty much do it.
Awesome! How do you
dial a phone or have sex?
Or stand up without
using your hands?
Let me tell you
something, Brian...
Oh, no!
You said it,
relatively-short-first-grader.
That Frisbee is way up there.
I'm too scared to
climb up that high.
Me, too,
average-height-kindergartener.
That jungle gym dates
back to the 1930s,
when the lives of
children were expendable.
Someone would have to
be crazy to climb up there.
I'll do it.
What?
I'll climb up there
and get that Frisbee.
Doug may be afraid, but I'm not.
Just give me a day to
get prepared and gear up,
and at sunrise tomorrow,
I will climb up there
and retrieve that Frisbee.
Or we can ask
Spider-Man to do it.
He came to my birthday
party. I know him.
That wasn't the real
Spider-Man. That was your dad.
We could see his hernia
popping through the suit.
Hey, Tyler!
Heard Spider-Man had a
pretty good time at your party.
Don't mind me, Brian.
Just pushing the edge.
Hmm.
14 zippers, if you must know,
but it's not about
my pants, Brian.
It's about my
fearlessness and pants.
Now, I need to plan out
every last inch of
my climb tomorrow.
If I do this right, I'm gonna
be remembered forever,
like 9/11 was for a few years.
You're just climbing
a jungle gym.
- It's not a big deal.
- Not a big deal?
I pull this off, I go
down in history!
The Guy Who
Was Hanged Next to Nathan Hale.
I regret that I have but one
life to give for my country.
If you kill me, I'm
gonna immediately void.
All over here. All over here.
You, historian, write
down both our things.
Hey, Lois, how about we
get a little three-way going?
- You, me and the seashell?
- Oh, forget it, Peter.
After that whole thing
with the '80s movies,
I'm very upset with you.
Well, can you use
that anger in the sex?
No, Peter, your '80s
nostalgia isn't funny anymore.
It's tired and worn out,
and borderline dangerous.
I mean, those old
references just don't play
- the same in today's world.
- What you talkin' 'bout, Lois?
This! This is exactly
what I'm talking about!
When are you
gonna let the '80s go?
Never! The '80s will
always be the best decade.
And I'm confident
that non-whites and
women would agree with that.
Everyone else, too.
And I'm gonna prove it.
Family! Come here
conveniently fast, please!
What is it, Peter?
I have decided
to prove to you all
that the '80s are still
relevant and hilarious.
- But they're not.
- And in keeping with the wonderful 1980s,
I'm gonna go upstairs
and drill a hole in the wall
to watch girls shower.
Peter, in addition to that
being wildly problematic,
you can't just drill a
hole in a structural wall.
Do you even know how to do that?
Okay, that's one drywall
bit, one masonry bit,
one spur point
bit, one tile bit,
one drill with a
hammer action setting,
one wire detector,
one stud finder,
and one grease pencil.
Sounds like someone's
drilling a hole in the wall
to watch girls shower.
- Oh, big time.
- Did you pull a permit?
City hall's next.
Nice!
♪ I'm all right ♪
♪ Nobody worry about me. ♪
Oh, my God! What did you do?
He was supposed to get away.
It was gonna be
harmless '80s fun.
You killed the gopher!
- He's all right?
- No! He's not all right!
We're all gonna get laid?
Dammit, Peter!
Stop saying blandly upbeat
things from the movie!
This has to stop!
You're right.
Man, and I was so sure
that stuff from the '80s
would still play the same today.
I guess people are
only interested in that
for 19 seasons.
Hi, I'm Kenny Loggins,
and I'm still very
interested in '80s references.
Every time Family Guy
plays one of my songs,
I get a new hot tub
for my Colorado deck.
♪ I'm all right ♪
♪ Nobody worry about me. ♪
All right, you guys ready to
watch some history be made
by Stewie Griffin?
And guest?
What the...? 11, 12, 13...
15 zippers! You've got
to be kidding me!
What do you say, Stewie?
A friendly race to the top
in front of all these kids,
plus the red-haired girl from
the Charlie Brown cartoons?
Aw. I care about her
opinion most of all!
You don't care about me.
You just wanted to
wear my ballerina skirt.
I especially love
her sense of humor
and inventive storytelling.
Okay, you're on. First
to the Frisbee wins.
You realize, Doug, we
might die up there today.
Then I'll see you in heck.
Okay, toughest part of the
climb: Dried Booger Ridge.
The Frisbee!
Yes! I win!
♪ I'm going all the way ♪
♪ Sooner or later
gotta love somebody. ♪
Wha...?
Oh, no! Help! Help!
Help me!
What? We can't hear you!
Our voices are very faint
because we are so distant!
Distant from you, he means!
We're not distant
from each other!
We're standing
relatively close together!
You probably were
already able to infer that,
and Connor just
wasted everyone's time!
My God. I...
I'm stuck up here.
Better use my emergency flare.
We've got a flare.
I'm still stuck, but
now I have confidence.
My foot is still stuck,
and it's really
starting to hurt.
And I know you're going
to be insufferable about this.
Stewie, come on.
Right now your
safety is what matters.
And you've got an
owie in need of attention.
I'm gonna have to radio basecamp
for help on my Elmo phone.
Elmo love you so much!
Basecamp. Come in, basecamp.
Elmo your friend.
Elmo, we've got a man down.
I need you to connect
me with search and rescue.
Please don't believe
rumors about Elmo.
Just to be safe, Elmo
play with you at least 500 yards
- from school or public park...
- I'm having trouble hearing you, Elmo.
Are you there?
Elmo? Elmo?
Hello? Dammit,
I've lost basecamp.
Must be interference
from that big storm coming.
Too dangerous to
risk going for help now.
I think we're gonna
have to wait it out, Stewie.
Just you and me, and
the homeless people
who live and copulate in the
playground among children.
Yes, we as a society
have clearly just decided
we're gonna roll with that.
Peter, what are you doing?
Well, you know how you
told me to give up the '80s
and find a whole
different decade to be into?
- No, that's not what I...
- Well, I'm doin' the 1920s!
Not 'cause of legal cocaine but
mostly 'cause of legal cocaine.
Time to design a very
stupid flying contraption.
Cocaine plane!
Um, why is Dad
dressed like that now?
Oh, Lord, Peter, did you switch
to the 1910s for silent movies?
Enough of this!
Oh, you are so damned
exhausting, Peter!
Just 'cause you stop being
crazy about one decade
doesn't mean you have
to be crazy about another!
How about you just be a
normal human being for once?!
Huh? Just be a... Be
a husband to your wife!
Be a father to your children!
You're right, Lois.
No matter how hard I try,
I'll never find a decade
as good as the '80s,
like you just said just now.
No, again, that's
not at all what I...
I need to be alone.
If anyone calls,
I'll be in the '70s
doing the
might-as-well-be-legal cocaine.
The winner of the war on drugs.
Thank you for taking
care of me, Doug.
Look, Stewie, I
want to apologize.
You do? For what?
For always showing you
up and just being a jerk.
I think I'm just intimidated
by your brilliance.
Plus, it's so great
you've only got nine hairs.
It probably takes
you three seconds
to get ready in the morning.
Me, I've got this
whole head of hair.
That's not quite as nice
as you meant for it to sound,
but since we're
confessing our insecurities...
I'm not exactly the,
um, I don't know,
"slick cucumber"
everyone thinks I am.
- "Slick cucumber"?
- I mean, sure,
maybe on the outside,
but I can only wish I had
- that slick cucumber deep inside...
- I'm getting lost, here, Stewie.
Like, sometimes I mention having
a supermodel
girlfriend in Norway.
Well I... I'm gonna
be honest, um,
she's not a supermodel.
She's basically
mid-level, at best.
Like, she's kind of a pocket
client at some agencies,
but it's so political
over there in Sweden.
Thought you said Norway.
Meanwhile, you're this
cool kid on the block.
You're all confident.
You can snap.
You mean this?
Yeah, that's like
bloody witchcraft to me.
Anyway, deep down, I...
I-I've always wanted
your approval.
But now, tonight,
you've given me something
much more valuable:
your friendship.
- Here. You can have it.
- What?
I don't need the
Frisbee anymore.
Take it, friend.
I won, everyone! I won!
Other kids, Stewie lost,
and he deserves our ridicule!
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait!
And there was
a weird cucumber thing!
That son of a bitch.
Come back here!
Oh, you can do
it, Stewie, for sure.
Free your foot, and together
we will bump wieners.
But it's stuck, Norwegian
Mid-Level Model Girlfriend.
Oh, just untie
your shoe, is how.
Oh! Duh!
Stewie, when will you free me
from this thought bubble hell?
Not for a while.
I may need you
if I run for office.
- Stewie!
- You were manipulating me.
You were only being
nice to get the Frisbee!
Sorry, Stewie, but all's
fair in love and jungle gyms.
Ha!
- Wh-Wh-Whoa!
- Doug!
Please hang on, Stewie!
I've got this, my friend.
This is when that slick cucumber
deep inside of me comes out.
Oh... okay.
You're gonna hate me,
but I really need to take this.
Don't you dare!
But it might be Bruce Lee
finally calling to admit
that I'm the best at kung fu!
This is your one chance, Stewie.
I will not call you
a second time.
Who am I if I can't
reference the '80s?
If I can't live in the past,
there's no future for me.
Boy, who knew when
you stop doing cocaine,
- you get depressed?
- Peter.
The ghost of '80s
film director John Hughes?
Yes, Peter. I've come to
tell you that Lois is right.
You need to let the '80s go.
But... I don't understand.
Listen, when we were
making art in the 1980s,
we were just having
fun and trying new things.
Stop recreating the '80s, Peter.
They're gone.
Get out there and
make your own '80s.
Today.
After all,
life moves pretty fast.
If you don't stop
and look around once in a while,
- you could miss it.
- Ah! Like the movie!
I have to go, Peter.
- Goodbye.
- Wait! Wait!
You want to know
my favorite thing
from any of your movies ever?
- Was it the giant pancake?
- Yes, the giant pancake!
In heaven, are the pancakes big
like they are in Uncle Buck?
I wouldn't know, Peter.
I'm currently frying in hell.
What?!
But-but you were pretty good.
You have to be very good!
Doug, I can't hold on
much longer.
It's been an honor, friend.
Oh. W-We weren't...
we weren't very high up there.
No, I guess it just seemed
higher to us,
because of perspective
and what-have-you.
At any rate...
Hey, gang? Gang!
Here's your Frisbee.
Stewie and I got it...
- together.
- Yes. Together.
We're different kids
from before,
so that means nothing to us.
- We had quite the adventure.
- Yes, we did.
And at the end of it all,
I, uh...
I hope we've come
to see each other
through slightly different eyes.
We certainly have.
Hey, who knows?
Maybe someday they'll make
a movie about us.
This summer, don't miss
Jungle Gym Mountain,
starring Chris Pine as Doug...
What?
And Paul Giamatti as Stewie.
Come on!
Help.
I crapped my pants,
- and I'm afraid of heights.
- I'm out of here.
And Chris Hemsworth
as Thought Bubble Girlfriend.
I'll give it a shot.
that all you see ♪
♪ Is violence in
movies and sex on TV ♪
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
♪ All the things that make us ♪
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
Welcome to tumbling class.
Moms, please enjoy,
while dads grumble about
how much the class costs.
240 bucks for a mat and a room.
Now let's all gather 'round
because Stewie is
gonna do a somersault.
Nailed it.
Well, that's basically fine,
and I don't honestly care,
so unless there's an unexpected
appearance from a rival baby...
Perhaps I could take a shot.
It's Doug!
That's Stewie's rival.
What are you doing here, Doug?
Eh, thought I'd give
this tumbling thing a try.
So what do I do, just fall down
like literally anyone
affected by gravity?
Um, there's a bit
more to it than that.
One can't just show
up and hope to execute,
say, a perfect somers...
Oh, oh, he's very good!
Hmm. Something like that?
- Wow!
- Now that's tumbling!
Boys can be good at this till
nine, then the whispers start.
Calm down, it wasn't that great.
Stewie, give Doug
your shirt and overalls.
He's my son now.
We now return
to Christopher Nolan's Tenet.
I'm already completely lost.
Dad, can I ask you
something about girls?
Are you wearing a wire?
There's a girl in my
class I have a crush on,
and I can't get
her to notice me.
Ah, now I understand.
Lucky for you, there's
a bunch of old movies
on this very subject.
Here. Sixteen Candles.
Can't Buy Me
Love, Say Anything...
all on very inconvenient VHS.
VHS? What do
those letters stand for?
That information has
been lost to history.
Anyway, Chris, just
watch these movies
and do what the
28-year-old teenagers do.
I guess I could try.
After all, they tried to do
Superman in Boston once.
I've noticed that you're never
around when Superman's here.
Are... are you Superman?
What is ya, wacked in the head?
I'm Clahk. Plain ol' Clahk.
Okay, back to our
Boston newspaper job.
Spotlight.
What?!
Show-and-tell time.
Finally a chance
to reclaim my honor
after that whole
tumbling fiasco.
Next up for
show-and-tell: Stewie.
Hello, everyone.
This is a weird seashell
that kind of looks
like female genitalia
that my dad likes.
Lois, where's my she shell?
Oh, Stewie took
it to show-and-tell.
Well, I hope no one
puts it to their ear.
Incredible, right?
Thank you, Stewie.
And, so you know, many
middle-aged women have seashells
in their powder rooms.
Okay, next up is Doug.
Hello, gang,
and have I got some
show-and-tell for you.
This is a ticket stub
from a PG movie
that I got to see
in the theater...
alone.
Wow!
Also, I've been
on a Disney cruise.
Hey, who's this in the
picture with Moana?
Oh, me? Huh.
- No way!
- Moana is famously agoraphobic.
Yes, but she's
managing it day by day,
thanks to CBD oil.
This cruise was
a big step for her.
Okay, I think we
can all agree that
these are very
lame show-and-tell...
And finally, a piece of
candy from the London airport.
Aw, a Lion Bar?
I'm sorry, did I say
"a piece of candy"?
More like British candy
for the whole class!
Drumstick Squashies and
rose-flavored wine gums
for everyone!
Hello, Show-and-Tell
National Championships
in DeKalb, Illinois, I
have a nominee for you.
Dammit. I'm sick of
being one-upped by Doug.
Hurts.
It hurts worse than a
trip to the barber shop.
This is what babies
think happens at haircuts!
Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Burbeck.
Do you have a
daughter named Jennifer,
who is currently smeared
across Highway 9?
Joe, it's us.
Oh, sorry. That's my next stop.
Peter, your son was lurking
outside a classmate's window
with this boom box,
playing Peter Gabriel.
He's being charged
with felony stalking.
I also tried to use science
to make a sex slave
from a magazine photo.
Oh, this is horrifying!
- Actually, it's the '80s.
- What?
Well, it appears that
someone has exposed your son
to the very problematic
teen films of the 1980s.
Peter, tell me it wasn't you.
Honestly, Lois, I have no idea.
My brain can't even
think thoughts no more
- 'cause of the Internet.
- Ugh, that's it.
From now on, you
are an outside Peter.
Go on! Get!
Outside!
Go to your Peter house.
Go to your Peter house!
God, look at Doug over there,
throwing a Frisbee
with the kindergarteners
and a shorter-than-average
first-grader.
- Thinks he's so cool.
- Yup.
There must be some way I
can finally one-up that guy,
and you're clearly looking
for cat turds right now.
Yup. Y... Huh? Wait, uh, wait.
- Aw, gum.
- Help me out, man.
I need something to win
back everyone's attention.
Wait, I know!
What if I flip my
eyelids inside out?
Show everyone what a freak I am.
Huh? I could carve this out.
Right? This could be my thing.
I don't think so, Stewie.
All right, well what if I
just, like, do Doug's mom?
Uh... Y... I-I mean,
yeah, yeah, that...
I mean, that would... that
would pretty much do it.
Awesome! How do you
dial a phone or have sex?
Or stand up without
using your hands?
Let me tell you
something, Brian...
Oh, no!
You said it,
relatively-short-first-grader.
That Frisbee is way up there.
I'm too scared to
climb up that high.
Me, too,
average-height-kindergartener.
That jungle gym dates
back to the 1930s,
when the lives of
children were expendable.
Someone would have to
be crazy to climb up there.
I'll do it.
What?
I'll climb up there
and get that Frisbee.
Doug may be afraid, but I'm not.
Just give me a day to
get prepared and gear up,
and at sunrise tomorrow,
I will climb up there
and retrieve that Frisbee.
Or we can ask
Spider-Man to do it.
He came to my birthday
party. I know him.
That wasn't the real
Spider-Man. That was your dad.
We could see his hernia
popping through the suit.
Hey, Tyler!
Heard Spider-Man had a
pretty good time at your party.
Don't mind me, Brian.
Just pushing the edge.
Hmm.
14 zippers, if you must know,
but it's not about
my pants, Brian.
It's about my
fearlessness and pants.
Now, I need to plan out
every last inch of
my climb tomorrow.
If I do this right, I'm gonna
be remembered forever,
like 9/11 was for a few years.
You're just climbing
a jungle gym.
- It's not a big deal.
- Not a big deal?
I pull this off, I go
down in history!
The Guy Who
Was Hanged Next to Nathan Hale.
I regret that I have but one
life to give for my country.
If you kill me, I'm
gonna immediately void.
All over here. All over here.
You, historian, write
down both our things.
Hey, Lois, how about we
get a little three-way going?
- You, me and the seashell?
- Oh, forget it, Peter.
After that whole thing
with the '80s movies,
I'm very upset with you.
Well, can you use
that anger in the sex?
No, Peter, your '80s
nostalgia isn't funny anymore.
It's tired and worn out,
and borderline dangerous.
I mean, those old
references just don't play
- the same in today's world.
- What you talkin' 'bout, Lois?
This! This is exactly
what I'm talking about!
When are you
gonna let the '80s go?
Never! The '80s will
always be the best decade.
And I'm confident
that non-whites and
women would agree with that.
Everyone else, too.
And I'm gonna prove it.
Family! Come here
conveniently fast, please!
What is it, Peter?
I have decided
to prove to you all
that the '80s are still
relevant and hilarious.
- But they're not.
- And in keeping with the wonderful 1980s,
I'm gonna go upstairs
and drill a hole in the wall
to watch girls shower.
Peter, in addition to that
being wildly problematic,
you can't just drill a
hole in a structural wall.
Do you even know how to do that?
Okay, that's one drywall
bit, one masonry bit,
one spur point
bit, one tile bit,
one drill with a
hammer action setting,
one wire detector,
one stud finder,
and one grease pencil.
Sounds like someone's
drilling a hole in the wall
to watch girls shower.
- Oh, big time.
- Did you pull a permit?
City hall's next.
Nice!
♪ I'm all right ♪
♪ Nobody worry about me. ♪
Oh, my God! What did you do?
He was supposed to get away.
It was gonna be
harmless '80s fun.
You killed the gopher!
- He's all right?
- No! He's not all right!
We're all gonna get laid?
Dammit, Peter!
Stop saying blandly upbeat
things from the movie!
This has to stop!
You're right.
Man, and I was so sure
that stuff from the '80s
would still play the same today.
I guess people are
only interested in that
for 19 seasons.
Hi, I'm Kenny Loggins,
and I'm still very
interested in '80s references.
Every time Family Guy
plays one of my songs,
I get a new hot tub
for my Colorado deck.
♪ I'm all right ♪
♪ Nobody worry about me. ♪
All right, you guys ready to
watch some history be made
by Stewie Griffin?
And guest?
What the...? 11, 12, 13...
15 zippers! You've got
to be kidding me!
What do you say, Stewie?
A friendly race to the top
in front of all these kids,
plus the red-haired girl from
the Charlie Brown cartoons?
Aw. I care about her
opinion most of all!
You don't care about me.
You just wanted to
wear my ballerina skirt.
I especially love
her sense of humor
and inventive storytelling.
Okay, you're on. First
to the Frisbee wins.
You realize, Doug, we
might die up there today.
Then I'll see you in heck.
Okay, toughest part of the
climb: Dried Booger Ridge.
The Frisbee!
Yes! I win!
♪ I'm going all the way ♪
♪ Sooner or later
gotta love somebody. ♪
Wha...?
Oh, no! Help! Help!
Help me!
What? We can't hear you!
Our voices are very faint
because we are so distant!
Distant from you, he means!
We're not distant
from each other!
We're standing
relatively close together!
You probably were
already able to infer that,
and Connor just
wasted everyone's time!
My God. I...
I'm stuck up here.
Better use my emergency flare.
We've got a flare.
I'm still stuck, but
now I have confidence.
My foot is still stuck,
and it's really
starting to hurt.
And I know you're going
to be insufferable about this.
Stewie, come on.
Right now your
safety is what matters.
And you've got an
owie in need of attention.
I'm gonna have to radio basecamp
for help on my Elmo phone.
Elmo love you so much!
Basecamp. Come in, basecamp.
Elmo your friend.
Elmo, we've got a man down.
I need you to connect
me with search and rescue.
Please don't believe
rumors about Elmo.
Just to be safe, Elmo
play with you at least 500 yards
- from school or public park...
- I'm having trouble hearing you, Elmo.
Are you there?
Elmo? Elmo?
Hello? Dammit,
I've lost basecamp.
Must be interference
from that big storm coming.
Too dangerous to
risk going for help now.
I think we're gonna
have to wait it out, Stewie.
Just you and me, and
the homeless people
who live and copulate in the
playground among children.
Yes, we as a society
have clearly just decided
we're gonna roll with that.
Peter, what are you doing?
Well, you know how you
told me to give up the '80s
and find a whole
different decade to be into?
- No, that's not what I...
- Well, I'm doin' the 1920s!
Not 'cause of legal cocaine but
mostly 'cause of legal cocaine.
Time to design a very
stupid flying contraption.
Cocaine plane!
Um, why is Dad
dressed like that now?
Oh, Lord, Peter, did you switch
to the 1910s for silent movies?
Enough of this!
Oh, you are so damned
exhausting, Peter!
Just 'cause you stop being
crazy about one decade
doesn't mean you have
to be crazy about another!
How about you just be a
normal human being for once?!
Huh? Just be a... Be
a husband to your wife!
Be a father to your children!
You're right, Lois.
No matter how hard I try,
I'll never find a decade
as good as the '80s,
like you just said just now.
No, again, that's
not at all what I...
I need to be alone.
If anyone calls,
I'll be in the '70s
doing the
might-as-well-be-legal cocaine.
The winner of the war on drugs.
Thank you for taking
care of me, Doug.
Look, Stewie, I
want to apologize.
You do? For what?
For always showing you
up and just being a jerk.
I think I'm just intimidated
by your brilliance.
Plus, it's so great
you've only got nine hairs.
It probably takes
you three seconds
to get ready in the morning.
Me, I've got this
whole head of hair.
That's not quite as nice
as you meant for it to sound,
but since we're
confessing our insecurities...
I'm not exactly the,
um, I don't know,
"slick cucumber"
everyone thinks I am.
- "Slick cucumber"?
- I mean, sure,
maybe on the outside,
but I can only wish I had
- that slick cucumber deep inside...
- I'm getting lost, here, Stewie.
Like, sometimes I mention having
a supermodel
girlfriend in Norway.
Well I... I'm gonna
be honest, um,
she's not a supermodel.
She's basically
mid-level, at best.
Like, she's kind of a pocket
client at some agencies,
but it's so political
over there in Sweden.
Thought you said Norway.
Meanwhile, you're this
cool kid on the block.
You're all confident.
You can snap.
You mean this?
Yeah, that's like
bloody witchcraft to me.
Anyway, deep down, I...
I-I've always wanted
your approval.
But now, tonight,
you've given me something
much more valuable:
your friendship.
- Here. You can have it.
- What?
I don't need the
Frisbee anymore.
Take it, friend.
I won, everyone! I won!
Other kids, Stewie lost,
and he deserves our ridicule!
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait!
And there was
a weird cucumber thing!
That son of a bitch.
Come back here!
Oh, you can do
it, Stewie, for sure.
Free your foot, and together
we will bump wieners.
But it's stuck, Norwegian
Mid-Level Model Girlfriend.
Oh, just untie
your shoe, is how.
Oh! Duh!
Stewie, when will you free me
from this thought bubble hell?
Not for a while.
I may need you
if I run for office.
- Stewie!
- You were manipulating me.
You were only being
nice to get the Frisbee!
Sorry, Stewie, but all's
fair in love and jungle gyms.
Ha!
- Wh-Wh-Whoa!
- Doug!
Please hang on, Stewie!
I've got this, my friend.
This is when that slick cucumber
deep inside of me comes out.
Oh... okay.
You're gonna hate me,
but I really need to take this.
Don't you dare!
But it might be Bruce Lee
finally calling to admit
that I'm the best at kung fu!
This is your one chance, Stewie.
I will not call you
a second time.
Who am I if I can't
reference the '80s?
If I can't live in the past,
there's no future for me.
Boy, who knew when
you stop doing cocaine,
- you get depressed?
- Peter.
The ghost of '80s
film director John Hughes?
Yes, Peter. I've come to
tell you that Lois is right.
You need to let the '80s go.
But... I don't understand.
Listen, when we were
making art in the 1980s,
we were just having
fun and trying new things.
Stop recreating the '80s, Peter.
They're gone.
Get out there and
make your own '80s.
Today.
After all,
life moves pretty fast.
If you don't stop
and look around once in a while,
- you could miss it.
- Ah! Like the movie!
I have to go, Peter.
- Goodbye.
- Wait! Wait!
You want to know
my favorite thing
from any of your movies ever?
- Was it the giant pancake?
- Yes, the giant pancake!
In heaven, are the pancakes big
like they are in Uncle Buck?
I wouldn't know, Peter.
I'm currently frying in hell.
What?!
But-but you were pretty good.
You have to be very good!
Doug, I can't hold on
much longer.
It's been an honor, friend.
Oh. W-We weren't...
we weren't very high up there.
No, I guess it just seemed
higher to us,
because of perspective
and what-have-you.
At any rate...
Hey, gang? Gang!
Here's your Frisbee.
Stewie and I got it...
- together.
- Yes. Together.
We're different kids
from before,
so that means nothing to us.
- We had quite the adventure.
- Yes, we did.
And at the end of it all,
I, uh...
I hope we've come
to see each other
through slightly different eyes.
We certainly have.
Hey, who knows?
Maybe someday they'll make
a movie about us.
This summer, don't miss
Jungle Gym Mountain,
starring Chris Pine as Doug...
What?
And Paul Giamatti as Stewie.
Come on!
Help.
I crapped my pants,
- and I'm afraid of heights.
- I'm out of here.
And Chris Hemsworth
as Thought Bubble Girlfriend.
I'll give it a shot.