Faking It (2014–2016): Season 3, Episode 6 - Spooking It - full transcript

Amy and Karma try to use a Halloween party as an opportunity to move on; and Shane is suspicious of Liam.

Previously on Faking It...

When is that six-month,
no dating thing over?

Midnight New Year's Eve.

You want to grab coffee sometime?

I'd like that.


You need to find a new temple.

- I missed us.
- Me too.

Of course you dumped our
plan to help Karma.

Karma and I are best friends.

- You and I are sisters.
- Stop saying we're sisters.

I'm moving out.


Lauren's been giving me
the coldest shoulder

ever since she moved out.

And it's already been arctic.

Ugh. What should I do?


So true.

♪ Weight in gold ♪

♪ Call me anxious call me broke ♪


Stop eye-humping Liam.

That is not what I was doing.

Oh, yeah?

Then why are your party hats showing?

I rest my case.

I can't help it.

He's gorgeous.

And if my dad didn't
have a heart attack,

we would probably be together.

Well, you're not gonna tell
him that now, are you?

He's already dating someone new.

I know.

I just don't get it.

I know deep down the universe
wants us to be together.


Well, then the universe is a real dick.

Karma, you're only craving Liam
because you can't have him.

It's human nature.

Okay, there is some truth
to that statement.

I learned this summer that
a steamy make out session

with a hot stranger can do wonders.

It really re-boots the hard drive.

For as long as we've known each other,

you've been obsessed
with having a boyfriend.

Maybe set your sights on something...

a little more casual this time?

Well, this weekend is the
Haunted Hester party.

Supposedly, everyone who goes hooks up.

Even the chaperones.

Yeah, you can dress up
as a slutty version

of something not slutty.

Oh, no.

I am only going if you come with me.

I don't care if you're
saving yourself for Felix.

(SCOFFS) Saving myself?

Felix and I shared one kiss at prom,

and on our second date,
he went to rehab.

It's like the start of a
Shailene Woodley movie!

Yeah, and those always end really well.

No, trust me, I am a free agent.

And I am hooking up.

And so are you!

(SIGHS) Great.





Morning, muffin.

I brought you a morning muffin.


I'm sorry I screwed up our parent trap.

Clearly, I suck at
balancing relationships,

but I'm trying to get better,
and I'm not gonna let you

shut me out of your life.

We both know you're dying to
show off your new apartment.

It's a condo,

and it's very much a work in progress.


Holy HGTV makeover.

I can't believe your dad's
paying for all of this.

Perks of being a show pony.

Besides, now he has a place to
stay when he comes to visit,

and I don't have to be inconvenienced

by his marital mistakes.

Okay, it might be a little
harder to convince you

to move back in with us.

Save your breath.

I'm in high school with my own condo.

I'd say my aspirational lifestyle brand

just got a bit more aspirational.

Excuse me.

Lauren, how much starch would
you like on this collar?

Full starch, thank you.

Also, I can't do my shift tonight.

My mom says I have to sleep at home

at least three nights a week.

(SIGHS) It's times like this

I miss old Lisbeth.

(SCOFFS) "Shift"?

There's so much work to be
done with my brand and such,

I need round-the-clock assistance.


You're afraid to stay alone

in this apartment, aren't you?

- First, it's a condo!
- Okay.

Second, I have a gun in my purse, so no.

Okay, just come to the
Haunted Hester party

with us tonight. We can all hang out.

Thanks, but I'm live-tweeting
my trick-or-treaters,

so if you'll excuse me, I'm
on the clock for sundown.

Well, if you change your mind...

I won't. Thanks!




Look who's got his mojo back.

I was hoping your breakup with
Rachel wouldn't get you down.

The opposite, actually.

She helped me see that
I have zero business

being in a relationship.

So you're not tempted
to get back with Karma?

You're both single now.

Did you hear anything I just said?

I did. But I'm just making sure.

As your friend, I don't
want you getting back

on that emotional roller coaster.

I get nauseous just thinking about it.

Trust me, I'm with you.

All I'm looking for tonight is
some no-strings-attached sex.

That's a pretty advanced
maneuver for a high school girl.

Maybe you should be looking for
a horny and bored housewife.

Can one of you boys zip me up?

Sure thing, Mrs. H.

- Oh. Heh.



Just give it a good yank.



Thank you.

- Ah.
- Ah, there you go.

Oh, thanks.

Okay, this bunny's ready to
chaperone your Halloween dance.

With a little help from my wine bra.


Here you go.

- Boo.
- Oh!

Felix, hey.

Uh, any plans tonight?

I'm gonna eat obscene amounts of candy

and watch torture porn.

Oh, then you should
probably start with "Saw,"

the movie that started the subgenre.

Nah, I'd argue that
"Hostel" is what really

took it mainstream.

Huh, well, I'd argue that you were wrong

and I would win.

No, you'd just think you won

and then we'd watch it together

and you'd see I'm right.

- Oh I would, would I?
- Mm-hmm.



what about you, you got any plans?

Uh, Karma and I are going to
the Haunted Hester party.

Oh. Kind of surprised.

I heard it's a big hookup fest.

Not that you can't...

I'm just going as Karma's wingwoman.

And also, I heard that
they're supposed to have

an epic haunted house.

- So...
- Well, then have fun.

Hope you don't get any nightmares.

Oh, trust me, I've watched
so many horror movies

that nothing scares me.

Well, that kind of
sounds like a challenge.

I think it sounds like a fact.




♪ So I close my eyes ♪

♪ And I count to ten ♪

We're here, we're single,
and we look hot.


- What now?
- I'm not sure.

Allow me to explain the point

of this evening.

You grab somebody you think
is cute, you drag them into

our legendary tunnel of
terror, and if you survive,

you make out, high on
the adrenaline rush.


I thought we were gonna die in there.

Oh, yeah, me too.


See? Another satisfied customer.

So stop being so picky, go get scared,

and suck some face.

Isn't that why you're both here?

Let's get to it.

Not so fast, Miss Ashcroft.

That costume is blatant

cultural appropriation.

I'm Cleopatra. I'm a historical figure.

A historical Egyptian figure.

Are you Egyptian, Karma?

- No.
- I didn't think so.


If you want to stay,
you'll have to change into

one of several pre-approved
costumes from the drama club.

What? Are you kidding me?

Have you heard of the First Amendment?

Nobody look at Karma's
super offensive costume!



BOTH: trick or treat.


Just one?

I mean, most people let
us grab a handful.

Well, most people are scared to
say what we're all thinking.

I'm not.

Your costumes suck, and
you're way too old

to be doing this.

It's kind of creepy.

Nerves are on edge in Texas tonight,

with the dramatic escape of
convicted murderer Rick Sliter.

Sliter was serving life in prison

for murdering several
women across the state.




I told you (BLEEP) you
only get one piece!



I have a gun in my purse!





(BLEEP) this, I'm going to the ball.


Oh! Ahoy, matey.

Apparently, dressing like a caveman

is promoting domestic violence.

It's ridiculous.

I'm guessing your girlfriend's costume

was a little less controversial.

Yeah, I, uh...

I guess you're gonna hear eventually.

Rachel and I broke up.


Guess I should get back out there.

I was gonna show up!

If my dad didn't have a heart attack,

I would have been there.



Excuse me.

I'm a quarter Japanese, I swear.

Sure you are, Blaine.


Amy. This is Harper.

She's a big fan.

Of what?

Oh, wait, me?

You're kind of a trailblazing badass.


Trailblazer. Me? No.

Harper, you should thank her

with a trip through
the tunnel of terror.

I'm game if you are.

Okay. Let's go.

I am such a good ringmaster.

Shane, I know you hate it when
I talk about Liam, but...

Great, then let's stay
focused on your goal

of kissing someone new.

Ah, speaking of.

Karma, meet...

- Todd.
- Todd!

You'll have fun in there.


- Are you ready?
- Let's do this.



Someone touched my boob.

That was me.


Don't worry, no one's
feeling you up tonight.

Unless you want them to.

Just so you know, I'm really good at it.

I'm thinking of becoming
a massage therapist.

Okay, uh, yeah, I can't do this.

I have a phobia about... hands.

So, uh, excuse me.


So, wait, you said, "Oh, okay."

And then you just ran off?

Is that bad?

Well, if by "bad" you mean
"not good," then yes.

(SIGHS) I was caught off guard.

Honey, listen. Relax.


Karma would not have said that

if she didn't want to get
back together with you.

The question is, do you want to?

Yeah, part of me does.

But the other part really
doesn't want to get hurt again.

Well, you can't have love without pain.

It's the cost of admission.

Look, the easy way to
answer this question is,

if you didn't try again with Karma,

would you one day regret it?

I would.

I mean, I already am.

I got to do something. What do I do?

Go to her.

Okay, but first, let me just get
that schmutz off your face.

- It...
- Mm.


Ooh. Scary.

You see it, too?

I'm talking about your costume.

What are you talking about?


uh, nothing.

Impressive party.

You did a great job planning it.

I love the post-apocalyptic
carnival theme.

You never go with what's obvious.

It's what makes you you.

OK, Cinderella, what gives?

Your tiara on too tight?

I'm just congratulating a
friend on all his hard work.

Speaking of, why don't you come over

afterwards to my place and crash?

We'll talk about who
hooked up with whom,

binge out on ice cream.

Our first slumber party.

- What do you think?
- Okay, I'm scared.




Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.

Felix, not funny!

What are you doing here?

Amy said the haunted house was epic,

so I decided to volunteer.

Also, she said she can't be scared.

I'm about to prove her wrong.

You know the part at the end,
right when you think it's over?

That's when I come out.


- Felix!


- That was so fun.

What do we do now?

Now's the part when you kiss.

- You can leave.
- Nobody asked you.


He's right, though.

This is where the kissing
usually happens.

♪ Girl you got me ♪

♪ Playing with fire ♪

♪ I can't resist this desire ♪



♪ Girl you got me playing with fire ♪

I'm guessing you two know each other.

♪ I can't resist this desire ♪

Felix. Are you okay?

Uh, actually, I'm a bit
angry and a little bit sad.

Working on identifying my
feelings as they come out.

My sponsor said I
should write them down.

Felix, that kiss meant nothing.

Amy just came here tonight to
make out with random strangers.

Really? 'Cause, uh...

she told me she was just coming

to be your wing woman.


Look, Amy can kiss whoever
the heck she wants,

and it's not like I expect
her to wait for me.

It's just I'm still jealous,

even though I know I shouldn't be.

Look, Amy knows about your recovery.

And... and she doesn't drink.

Why can't you two date?

Because I need to get
my own house in order

before I let anyone else in.

Otherwise, I'll just
keep on screwing it up.


That makes sense.

♪ Baby ♪

There you are.

Hey, sailor.

It's been a while since
you've been in my port.

Hey, Brandi.

Uh, sorry, I thought
you were someone else.

It's Halloween.

I can be whoever you want me to be.

♪ I will always be ♪

Sorry. Excuse me.

Wait, Karma.

Wait, that was not what it looked like.

I was actually looking to talk to you

and, I don't know, I
got my witch switched.

Liam, about what I said earlier...

Yeah, I wanted to talk
to you about that, too.

Look, I hate to say this,
but just because I want us

to get back together
doesn't mean we should.

Wait, it doesn't?

I'm kind of confused.

I'm not ready.

I think the universe has
been trying to tell me that,

but I've been refusing to listen.

Look, Karma, I told you, that...

Just let me finish.

Liam, you're my first love.

And I spend an embarrassing
amount of time

daydreaming about our future together.

But if we start it now,

I'm pretty sure I'll just screw it up

by being jealous or insecure.

I think it's been
pretty well established

that I am also capable
of screwing things up.

I did not mean that literally.


So maybe we just try being friends?

Friends. Yeah.

Yeah, let's, uh, let's give that a shot.


Then as your friend, I wish you luck

in your witch hunting.

I'm just kidding.

(WHISPERING) I hope you strike out.

Well, she's smiling.

That's a good sign.

Yeah, we're gonna try and be friends.

And I'm okay with that.


Are you choking?




No, no, no!

Stop (BLEEP) my mom!



- Whoa.
- Is she okay?

Oh. Thank you.



- Rawr!


Can we talk?


Look, about the kiss,
I didn't know that...

Look, Amy, you don't
have to feel guilty.

Yeah, I do. We have a thing, don't we?

Well, no, we can't have a thing.

Not now.

Well, yeah, not until New Year's Eve.

My lips were just killing time.

Look, Amy, it's not fair of me
to ask you to wait until then.

What if I want to?

It's too much pressure.

If something's gonna happen
between us, it'll happen.

If it's meant to be.

But until then...

I release you.

Or something that
doesn't sound so weird.



If you're sure.

I am.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I've got more horny kids to scare.


Seriously, Shane?

You think I want to do
your mom doggie-style

in the middle of a school party?

Are you saying you would do her

under different circumstances?

No, I would never have
sex with your mother!

Well, you did have sex with my sister!




I know, I thought I was over it,

but I guess my subconscious
doesn't agree.

- I'm sorry...
- Stop.

Okay, you don't need to apologize.

I did sleep with Sasha.

I wish I could undo it, but I can't.

Can't undo my sister.

No, but I can make it right.

I can earn your trust
back, and to do that,

I think I should move out.

What? Liam, what are you talking about?

You have nowhere to go.

Don't worry about it, man.

I'll... I'll figure something out.

The important thing is that
you know there is zero risk

of me ever sleeping with
your family members.

Just so you know,

I'm fine if you sleep with my cousins.


Hey, boyfriend.

What's that?

You just got back from the gym?

You benched 300 pounds?

Wow, good for you, baby.





(BLEEP) it!





Don't even think about suing me.

You made aggressive moves
towards me back there.

I parked next to you.

Just be glad I don't really
have a gun in my purse.

You shouldn't drive home.

I'll let you crash on my couch.

My car now is my home, so
it's not much of a drive.

Don't care.

Nice apartment.

It's a condo!


Okay, so maybe I was waiting for Felix.

But not anymore.

He released me.

Eh, it's only two months away.

A lot can happen in two months.

What about you and Liam?

I realized you were right.

I need to be single for a bit.

Get comfortable being alone.

Well, luckily, you're not alone.

You've got me.

You always know what to say.

What do you say we ditch this party

and go eat our weight in
leftover Halloween candy?

Sounds like heaven.



I thought that was you!

Oh, my God. Sabrina!

Look, Karma, it's Sabrina!