F Troop (1965–1967): Season 1, Episode 5 - The Return of Bald Eagle - full transcript
Renegade Indian Bald Eagle has been spotted by Fort Dodge and is believed to be heading towards Fort Courage. His reputation as wild and unpredictable precedes him and Parmenter prepares the Fort for an attack. He is crazy and attacks the fort singlehandedly. When the attack fails he is captured but he escapes and takes Parmenter with him. O'Rourke, Agarn and Jane head off in pursuit.
[BUGLE PLAYS "CHARGE"]
♪ The end of the
Civil War Was near ♪
♪ When quite accidentally ♪
♪ A hero who sneezed
Abruptly seized ♪
♪ Retreat And
reversed it to victory ♪
♪ His Medal of Honor
Pleased and thrilled ♪
♪ His proud, little
Family group ♪
♪ While pinning it on
Some blood was spilled ♪
♪ And so it was
planned He'd command ♪
♪ F Troop! ♪
♪ Where Indian fights
Are colorful sights ♪
♪ And nobody takes a lickin' ♪
♪ Where paleface and redskin ♪
♪ Both turn chicken ♪
♪ When drilling and
fighting Get them down ♪
♪ They know their
morale Can't droop ♪
♪ As long as they
all Relax in town ♪
♪ Before they resume
With a bang and a boom ♪
♪ F Troop! ♪
[♪♪♪]
Wait a minute. Concentrate.
Give it one more time.
[PLAYS BROKEN, OFF-KEY NOTE]
Come in.
[DOOR RATTLES]
Come in!
[RATTLES]
Come in! Oof!
Oh! Are you all right, captain?
I'm just fine,
corporal. Just fine.
What can I...? What
can I do for you men?
It's Private Dobbs, sir. He
wants to turn in his bugle.
I don't understand.
I'm a failure, sir.
You deserve a better
company bugler.
Nonsense, Dobbs.
I think you're doing
a splendid job.
But sir, I can't
play "Reveille,"
I can't play "Retreat,"
I can't even play "Charge."
I can only play one
tune on this bugle.
Well, what's wrong with that?
Well, sir, you can't
play "Yankee Doodle"
at a military funeral.
It wouldn't be in
good taste, captain.
No.
Well, you... You just
keep practicing, Dobbs.
I'm sure you're going to
become a first-rate bugler.
Well, I'm glad
you think so, sir,
but I ain't so sure.
Dobbs is right, sir.
He's...
Well, he's just not
built for the bugle.
Why not?
Well, for one thing,
he's got a fat upper lip.
Oh, I never noticed that.
Well, here. Look.
Just a blob of fat!
Now, you, on the
other hand, sir,
you'd make a great bugler.
I would?
With the captain's permission?
Well, yes, go right ahead.
Now, there... is a
beautiful upper lip.
See that?
The Parmenters have
always been thin-lipped.
Long-waisted, but thin-lipped.
Here, sir. Try my bugle.
Oh. I...
I've always wanted
to be a bugler.
Here.
[PLAYS LONG, LOUD NOTE]
Uh! Blugh! Easy.
With the captain's permission...
Sometimes that
happens to me, captain.
You sure fooled me, sir.
I knew you had
a thin lip, but I...
I didn't see the fat tongue.
You'll get the hang
of the calls, Dobbs.
It's just... Just
keep practicing
and lose a little
weight in your lip.
I'll work on it
night and day, sir.
I'll make you proud of me yet.
That's the ol' spirit, Dobbs.
Ooh! Are you all right, sir?
Yes, I'm fine.
Take this bugle and get outta
here before you kill somebody.
Right.
Uh, captain...
thanks for having
so much faith in me.
That was beautiful,
the way you handled Dobbs, sir.
So... So gently.
Well, a good officer
should know when to be gentle
and when to be
rough with his men.
They don't make 'em
no better than you, sir.
Wilton, did you hear the news?
Bald Eagle was
spotted near Fort Dodge.
When? I don't believe it.
It's true.
Bald Eagle on the loose!
And they say that he's
headed for Fort Courage.
Bald Eagle headed
for Fort Courage?
That's right. What
are you gonna do?
Well, the first
thing I'm going to do
is find out who Bald Eagle is.
Well, he's that Indian
who's working with
Cochise and Geronimo
to stir up trouble
in the tribes.
They say he's a killer.
Oh. Thank you, Jane.
Corporal, we'd better
go right into action.
Where's Sergeant O'Rourke?
He's on scouting
duty, sir. Very well.
Then you get the men together,
tell 'em I want to talk to them,
and have Private
Dobbs blow "Assembly."
Yes, sir.
Oh!
I'm telling you right now
it's gonna sound
like "Yankee Doodle."
[♪♪♪]
Squaws now make sandals
much faster than
old way, sergeant.
Yeah, well, when you're
in the souvenir business,
you got to find ways
to step up production.
Since we have you for partner,
Hekawis eating
high off the buffalo.
Yeah, well, you stick
with O'Rourke Enterprises.
This is only the
beginning, chief.
Only the beginning.
[DRUMS POUNDING]
[BELL CLANGS]
Where are they goin'?
Time for rest period.
Rest period?
Every hour, squaws
get 15-minute break
to hang around the
berry-juice barrel.
All right, but you make sure
they get back to work on time.
Here come your
friend, Corporal Agarn.
Sarge! You better get
back to the fort right away.
What's the matter?
Bald Eagle's been seen
in the Fort Dodge area.
Where did you hear that?
Just come over the telegraph,
and they think he's
headin' this way.
Oh, no!
Must get out of here right now!
Wait a minute.
Where are you goin'?
Do not know.
But if Bald Eagle come
this way, must go that way!
Have you ever met this Indian?
Yes.
Him not only have
feathers around head,
but a few inside too.
Yeah, well, I'd better
get back to the fort.
I'll see you later, chief.
Do not be surprised
if Wild Eagle not here
when you get back.
Don't panic. Don't panic.
We'll take care of Bald Eagle.
[SHOUTING WILDLY]
Sergeant O'Rourke!
Tonto masanori ramakuma.
Poona rocko tembu.
Tataka mana... Speak English!
I want to talk the
language of my father.
He's your son?
By a former marriage.
Oh, Father,
I see you catch
two soldier dogs!
Rah!
Ah!
Ahhh!
Soldier dogs!
I think he's tryin'
to tell us something.
Chief, you better call him off.
Bald Eagle, not burn soldiers!
Roll them down
cliff tied to big rock?
No.
Throw them into
buffalo stampede?
No.
Ah!
Bury them alive! Good thinking!
[LAUGHS]
No, no!
Sergeant O'Rourke,
Corporal Agarn
friends of Hekawis.
That's right, your daddy
and I are business partners.
Paleface speak
with forked tongue.
Now, wait a minute, baldy.
We got a good thing goin' here.
You play your cards right,
and your dad will take
you into the business.
I don't want to go in
business with soldier dog!
I don't wanna be
friends with soldier!
Want to be like brave
warrior, Geronimo!
Kill! Kill!
Kill!
His mother spoiled him rotten.
I no kill you now
because you are guests
in Hekawi camp, but
we meet again, yes...
[GIGGLING]
Oh, that's a sick kid.
Shame Bald Eagle not
like brother, Boy Deer.
Him dear boy.
I'll tell you one thing.
You better keep
that one locked up,
or there's liable to be some
bad trouble around here.
Don't worry. Wild
Eagle still his father.
Yeah, well, if I were you,
I'd put him up for adoption.
Good thinking, Daddy.
You setting up trap.
What trap?! We in
souvenir business!
Wholesale and retail!
I not believe you are my father.
Me think they switch
babies with you too.
You going to lead your
people in attack on fort?
Not during big
end-of-month sale.
Bald Eagle lead attack on fort.
You not find Hekawi
warriors to go.
Then I attack fort alone.
Kill! Kill!
Kill!
Where did I go wrong?
All right, you men, look alive!
Optimist.
Duddleson, bring
up those rifles.
Hightower, wheel out
that ammunition cart!
On the double!
How are things going, sergeant?
I've taken every precaution
you ordered, captain.
Good, good.
You're worrying
unnecessarily, sir.
Don't you think
Bald Eagle could get
Wild Eagle and the
Hekawis to attack the fort?
Not during our month-end
sale. What's that?
I said, "Here comes
Jane, and she looks pale."
Sent for me, Wilton?
Yes, I want you inside the
fort during this emergency.
You do? Yes, I don't
want you outside
when there's a possibility
the Indians will be attacking.
Wilton, I didn't know you
felt that way about me.
Why, of course I do, Jane.
I've always said you
were the best shot in town.
All right, stack it
over there, men.
Vanderbilt, any sign
of those Indians yet?
I'd love a cup!
With a little cream
and sugar, please!
Agarn, go take a look yourself.
Right, sarge.
Men, we'd all better
check our pistols.
Ooh!
It's like this, Wilton.
Ah.
Whippoorwill! Whippoorwill!
Bobwhite! Bobwhite!
Agarn, you see anything yet?
There seems to be
some dust by the hills!
Hm. I'd better
take a look myself.
See, Wilton?
It's all in the wrist.
It's all in the wrist.
There. You did it, Wilton.
Ha-ha! Hey, I'm getting to be
a regular Wild Bill Hitchcock.
It's "Hickok."
Oh, yeah. Hickok.
Captain, it seems
to be all clear!
I'd better take a
look for myself!
Excuse me, Jane.
Captain, I don't think
the Hekawis are
really gonna attack.
You can't be too sure, sergeant.
This Bald Eagle could
really stir them up.
Wilton, I'm goin' back to town.
I want you to stay in the fort.
But I've gotta get
back to the store.
I want you to stay
here, and that's an order.
All right.
Oh, you ought to
let her go, captain.
There ain't no danger now.
Agarn says Bald Eagle isn't
within 20 miles of the place.
PARMENTER: Uh,
maybe you're right.
Wilton! Oh!
Kill!
[CRASH]
Bald Eagle!
He attacked the
fort single-handed!
And almost captured it!
Wilton!
Are you all right?
[GROGGILY] I'm fine. I'm fine.
Wilton, you captured Bald Eagle.
Huh?
You!
You're under arrest.
Put him in the guardhouse.
Yeah. Yes, sir.
Yeah, you're gonna come with...
You no have iron bars strong
enough to hold Bald Eagle!
Kill!
Kill, kill!
Rah!
[♪♪♪]
Come in.
Well, gentlemen, what...?
What can I do for you?
Well, sir, it's about the
prisoner, Bald Eagle.
Yes, we'd like to report that
we shot him at sunrise, sir.
You didn't!
No, but that's what
I'd like to report.
Some people think we should
give things back to the Indians.
How about if we
give 'em Bald Eagle?
What seems to be the problem?
Well, for starters, he...
He almost burned down
the guardhouse last night, sir.
How did he do that?
Well, he took his bunk apart,
and he rubbed two
bedposts together,
and set fire to the mattress.
Well, maybe he was cold.
I'll go have a
little chat with him.
I don't think that's gonna
do any good, captain.
Gentlemen, I have just received
a directive from Washington.
It orders all frontier commands
to begin a program of
friendliness toward the Indian.
It's called "Operation
Bury the Hatchet."
Yeah, and I know just
where I'd like to bury it.
Right in his head.
We have to give it a try.
It's our duty to cooperate with
the Bureau of Indian Affairs.
Now, the first
thing we have to do
is show Bald Eagle
that we're friendly.
Well, how can you be friendly?
It's tough to be friendly
with a guy who keeps
yelling, "Kill, kill, kill!"
It's our duty, corporal.
[THUMP]
Uh, hi, fella.
It's a lovely day, isn't it?
Uh... how are the eggs?
[CHUCKLES]
Eh... A little salty.
All right, put him to work
on the rock pile, Dobbs.
Right, sergeant.
No, no, no, no, no.
Remember, Operation
Bury the Hatchet.
Now, the best thing
to do at a time like this
is just turn the other cheek.
Oh, you've got eggs
on that one too, sir.
O'ROURKE: You
cannot be nice to him, sir.
A day's hard work will take
some of the orneriness out of him.
No can put me to work.
O'ROURKE: Why not?
Today Bald Eagle's birthday.
Oh, well, I'm
sorry. I didn't know.
I would have baked you a cake.
Put him in the
guardhouse, Dobbs!
See what we mean, sir?
Yeah, how do you like that?
Won't work because
it's his birthday.
What'll we do, captain?
Throw him a party.
Men, we want to make this
the happiest birthday Bald
Eagle has ever had, see?
So I've wrapped
all these presents
with each of your names on them.
Listen, captain,
the only thing he
wants for his birthday
is a gift-wrapped scalp.
No, no. Not if we
show him kindness.
Now, we must show
him that we're friendly
so he'll go back to the tribes
and spread the word that
we want to live in peace, see?
So no matter how ornery
he may be to any of you,
you be nice to him.
Yes, sir, captain. Right.
Duffy, bring in
the birthday boy.
Yeah. Right over here.
Now, Bald Eagle, I think
you know everybody.
Kill! Kill! Kill!
Uh, Bald Eagle, we all
want to be your friends.
And just to show
you that we mean it,
Duffy, take the
chains off this man.
Yes, sir, captain.
Now, wait a minute...
Now, men, put away your guns.
Captain, you can't...
Sergeant, sergeant.
That is an order.
Now, this is
supposed to be a party.
Now, let's all be nice.
Do you want to play the bugle,
Mr. Bald Eagle?
[GRUNTS]
Isn't that a nice bugle?
Would you like him to
show you how to play it?
[GRUNTS]
Don't you think you ought to
give Dobbs back his bugle?
[GRUNTS]
Oh!
Now, all together, men.
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow
For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
♪ Which nobody can deny ♪
Oh, gosh, talk about
your good times, huh?
Now, close your eyes,
and we have a
big surprise for you.
Me never close eyes,
even when sleeping.
Well, suit yourself.
Come on.
Jane?
MEN: Awww!
Now, Bald Eagle,
this is Wrangler Jane.
She baked this cake for you.
Happy birthday.
Me hate cake.
Now, Bald Eagle,
blow out the candle.
First, you have to make a wish.
Me wish all soldiers dead.
Oh! You told your wish.
Now it'll never come true.
Blow out the candle.
There, there. That's a good boy.
Here, Wilton, you cut the cake.
Oh. All right.
What am I doing?
The honor of cutting the cake
should go to the birthday boy.
Do not touch guns!
Do not try to follow
me. I kill your captain.
Happy birthday!
Well, you certainly
ruined a nice party.
Shut up, soldier dog.
We got you some
very nice presents too.
Wrangler Jane knitted
you a pair of argyle socks.
Me no want to hear
no more about party.
No more.
Don't you even want
to know what I got you?
No.
Give you three guesses.
No!
I got you a genuine
handmade elk-bone shoehorn.
Me no wear shoes.
Shoes only for soldier dogs.
Well, it's the
thought that counts.
Me now go to Chief Sitting Bull.
Bring him present.
I didn't know it was
Sitting Bull's birthday.
What did you get him?
Ha! You.
Oh, he wouldn't like
little, old skinny me.
It's the thought that counts.
All right, where is he?
Where who?
That mixed-up kid of yours.
He's run away with Wilton.
And I begged him to
marry a nice Indian girl.
You might as well give him up,
or you're askin'
for a lot of trouble.
Bald Eagle not here.
Are you sure
nobody's hidin' him?
You crazy?
Since we hear
Bald Eagle captured,
tribe have dance every night.
You have no idea
where we can find him?
Might be near Skunk Mountain.
He always go there when young.
Well, that figures.
Yeah, come on.
Think we can find him at night?
Sure. Just look for big bonfire.
Kid always afraid of dark.
All right, come on.
[♪♪♪]
What you doing?
You rubbing on rock.
Huh? Well, I-I had an itch.
I-I think it's the hives.
No itch. You trying to escape!
You looking for trouble?
[HOWL IN DISTANCE]
What's that?
Why don't you go out and see?
In the dark?
Ah, you shouldn't
be afraid of the dark.
Who's afraid? Bald
Eagle not afraid.
Oh, it's nothing
to be ashamed of.
I used to be afraid
of the dark myself.
You were?
Mm-hmm.
I used to sleep by candlelight.
You did?
Mm-hmm.
How you learn how
to sleep in dark?
The other soldiers in my tent
kept blowing out the candle.
Someday I learn
to sleep in dark.
Well, I wouldn't worry
too much about it.
I bet even a brave
warrior like, say, Geronimo,
is afraid of something.
Geronimo!
Always Geronimo!
Geronimo this, Geronimo that!
I sick of Geronimo.
Do you know him?
He's my cousin.
We grow up together.
Everybody say, "Be
like cousin Geronimo."
Oh, that's very interesting.
When I was a kid,
they always used to say,
"Be like your cousin,
Hercules Parmenter."
He's now a colonel.
Your cousin, he
smarter than you?
Oh, yes, yes. He
was always passing,
and I was always
failing in military school.
Geronimo, he always passing,
me always failing
in warrior school.
I failed map-reading.
What did you fail?
Scalping.
You should have gone to
summer school to make it up.
All young Indian girls,
they like Geronimo.
Big, handsome,
full head of hair.
Me always have head of skin.
You must have been
prematurely bald.
That's why I get my first scalp.
Ugh!
You should be shot for that.
No.
The man who sell me this wig,
he should be shot.
That's a wig?
Cost me five dollars. Get
it from mail-order catalog.
Man send me wrong hair.
Geronimo, he
laugh me out of tribe.
Oh. I understand.
My cousin Hercules
always laughs at me too.
When you little boy,
your father yell
heap much at you?
Oh, heap. Heap much.
Yes, especially if I didn't
salute him at breakfast.
My father, he treat
me like little papoose.
I had that problem myself.
When I was 16-years-old,
I meet pretty little squaw girl.
I want to take her
to Indian rain dance,
but father not trust
me with family canoe.
You know, you
won't believe this,
but my father
would never trust me
with the family buggy.
They wonder why we so mixed up.
[GASPS]
Oh, he's burying poor Wilton!
Come on.
All right, you little cutthroat!
Now, I'm gonna hang
you up by your thumbs
so the vultures can eat ya.
No, you can't!
Today my birthday!
Agarn, go get the rope.
Right, sarge!
Hi, fellas!
Gee, what a pleasant surprise.
JANE: Oh, Wilton.
He didn't kill you.
What? Kill me?
[WHIMPERS] Then
who's in the grave?
What? Grave?
No, no, Bald Eagle's
roasting some potatoes.
I went to gather some berries.
Yeah, you make
Bald Eagle very happy
if you stay for dinner.
I ain't eatin' dinner
with no killer.
No!
Bald Eagle turn over new scalp!
I wouldn't have believed it
if I hadn't seen it
with my own eyes.
The way the captain
straightened out
that wild Indian,
I tell you, you
gotta hand it to him.
Bald Eagle really
turned over a new leaf.
He had me up all night
trying to enlist in the Army.
Well, now that you
know where the fort is,
don't be a stranger.
Me want to thank you
for everything, captain,
especially birthday present.
Well, it's just a
little something
from the men of F Troop.
I go now.
Bye, captain.
Bye, sergeant.
Bye, corporal.
Goodbye... Hairy Eagle.
[LAUGHS]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
♪ The end of the
Civil War Was near ♪
♪ When quite accidentally ♪
♪ A hero who sneezed
Abruptly seized ♪
♪ Retreat And
reversed it to victory ♪
♪ His Medal of Honor
Pleased and thrilled ♪
♪ His proud, little
Family group ♪
♪ While pinning it on
Some blood was spilled ♪
♪ And so it was
planned He'd command ♪
♪ F Troop! ♪
♪ Where Indian fights
Are colorful sights ♪
♪ And nobody takes a lickin' ♪
♪ Where paleface and redskin ♪
♪ Both turn chicken ♪
♪ When drilling and
fighting Get them down ♪
♪ They know their
morale Can't droop ♪
♪ As long as they
all Relax in town ♪
♪ Before they resume
With a bang and a boom ♪
♪ F Troop! ♪
[♪♪♪]
Wait a minute. Concentrate.
Give it one more time.
[PLAYS BROKEN, OFF-KEY NOTE]
Come in.
[DOOR RATTLES]
Come in!
[RATTLES]
Come in! Oof!
Oh! Are you all right, captain?
I'm just fine,
corporal. Just fine.
What can I...? What
can I do for you men?
It's Private Dobbs, sir. He
wants to turn in his bugle.
I don't understand.
I'm a failure, sir.
You deserve a better
company bugler.
Nonsense, Dobbs.
I think you're doing
a splendid job.
But sir, I can't
play "Reveille,"
I can't play "Retreat,"
I can't even play "Charge."
I can only play one
tune on this bugle.
Well, what's wrong with that?
Well, sir, you can't
play "Yankee Doodle"
at a military funeral.
It wouldn't be in
good taste, captain.
No.
Well, you... You just
keep practicing, Dobbs.
I'm sure you're going to
become a first-rate bugler.
Well, I'm glad
you think so, sir,
but I ain't so sure.
Dobbs is right, sir.
He's...
Well, he's just not
built for the bugle.
Why not?
Well, for one thing,
he's got a fat upper lip.
Oh, I never noticed that.
Well, here. Look.
Just a blob of fat!
Now, you, on the
other hand, sir,
you'd make a great bugler.
I would?
With the captain's permission?
Well, yes, go right ahead.
Now, there... is a
beautiful upper lip.
See that?
The Parmenters have
always been thin-lipped.
Long-waisted, but thin-lipped.
Here, sir. Try my bugle.
Oh. I...
I've always wanted
to be a bugler.
Here.
[PLAYS LONG, LOUD NOTE]
Uh! Blugh! Easy.
With the captain's permission...
Sometimes that
happens to me, captain.
You sure fooled me, sir.
I knew you had
a thin lip, but I...
I didn't see the fat tongue.
You'll get the hang
of the calls, Dobbs.
It's just... Just
keep practicing
and lose a little
weight in your lip.
I'll work on it
night and day, sir.
I'll make you proud of me yet.
That's the ol' spirit, Dobbs.
Ooh! Are you all right, sir?
Yes, I'm fine.
Take this bugle and get outta
here before you kill somebody.
Right.
Uh, captain...
thanks for having
so much faith in me.
That was beautiful,
the way you handled Dobbs, sir.
So... So gently.
Well, a good officer
should know when to be gentle
and when to be
rough with his men.
They don't make 'em
no better than you, sir.
Wilton, did you hear the news?
Bald Eagle was
spotted near Fort Dodge.
When? I don't believe it.
It's true.
Bald Eagle on the loose!
And they say that he's
headed for Fort Courage.
Bald Eagle headed
for Fort Courage?
That's right. What
are you gonna do?
Well, the first
thing I'm going to do
is find out who Bald Eagle is.
Well, he's that Indian
who's working with
Cochise and Geronimo
to stir up trouble
in the tribes.
They say he's a killer.
Oh. Thank you, Jane.
Corporal, we'd better
go right into action.
Where's Sergeant O'Rourke?
He's on scouting
duty, sir. Very well.
Then you get the men together,
tell 'em I want to talk to them,
and have Private
Dobbs blow "Assembly."
Yes, sir.
Oh!
I'm telling you right now
it's gonna sound
like "Yankee Doodle."
[♪♪♪]
Squaws now make sandals
much faster than
old way, sergeant.
Yeah, well, when you're
in the souvenir business,
you got to find ways
to step up production.
Since we have you for partner,
Hekawis eating
high off the buffalo.
Yeah, well, you stick
with O'Rourke Enterprises.
This is only the
beginning, chief.
Only the beginning.
[DRUMS POUNDING]
[BELL CLANGS]
Where are they goin'?
Time for rest period.
Rest period?
Every hour, squaws
get 15-minute break
to hang around the
berry-juice barrel.
All right, but you make sure
they get back to work on time.
Here come your
friend, Corporal Agarn.
Sarge! You better get
back to the fort right away.
What's the matter?
Bald Eagle's been seen
in the Fort Dodge area.
Where did you hear that?
Just come over the telegraph,
and they think he's
headin' this way.
Oh, no!
Must get out of here right now!
Wait a minute.
Where are you goin'?
Do not know.
But if Bald Eagle come
this way, must go that way!
Have you ever met this Indian?
Yes.
Him not only have
feathers around head,
but a few inside too.
Yeah, well, I'd better
get back to the fort.
I'll see you later, chief.
Do not be surprised
if Wild Eagle not here
when you get back.
Don't panic. Don't panic.
We'll take care of Bald Eagle.
[SHOUTING WILDLY]
Sergeant O'Rourke!
Tonto masanori ramakuma.
Poona rocko tembu.
Tataka mana... Speak English!
I want to talk the
language of my father.
He's your son?
By a former marriage.
Oh, Father,
I see you catch
two soldier dogs!
Rah!
Ah!
Ahhh!
Soldier dogs!
I think he's tryin'
to tell us something.
Chief, you better call him off.
Bald Eagle, not burn soldiers!
Roll them down
cliff tied to big rock?
No.
Throw them into
buffalo stampede?
No.
Ah!
Bury them alive! Good thinking!
[LAUGHS]
No, no!
Sergeant O'Rourke,
Corporal Agarn
friends of Hekawis.
That's right, your daddy
and I are business partners.
Paleface speak
with forked tongue.
Now, wait a minute, baldy.
We got a good thing goin' here.
You play your cards right,
and your dad will take
you into the business.
I don't want to go in
business with soldier dog!
I don't wanna be
friends with soldier!
Want to be like brave
warrior, Geronimo!
Kill! Kill!
Kill!
His mother spoiled him rotten.
I no kill you now
because you are guests
in Hekawi camp, but
we meet again, yes...
[GIGGLING]
Oh, that's a sick kid.
Shame Bald Eagle not
like brother, Boy Deer.
Him dear boy.
I'll tell you one thing.
You better keep
that one locked up,
or there's liable to be some
bad trouble around here.
Don't worry. Wild
Eagle still his father.
Yeah, well, if I were you,
I'd put him up for adoption.
Good thinking, Daddy.
You setting up trap.
What trap?! We in
souvenir business!
Wholesale and retail!
I not believe you are my father.
Me think they switch
babies with you too.
You going to lead your
people in attack on fort?
Not during big
end-of-month sale.
Bald Eagle lead attack on fort.
You not find Hekawi
warriors to go.
Then I attack fort alone.
Kill! Kill!
Kill!
Where did I go wrong?
All right, you men, look alive!
Optimist.
Duddleson, bring
up those rifles.
Hightower, wheel out
that ammunition cart!
On the double!
How are things going, sergeant?
I've taken every precaution
you ordered, captain.
Good, good.
You're worrying
unnecessarily, sir.
Don't you think
Bald Eagle could get
Wild Eagle and the
Hekawis to attack the fort?
Not during our month-end
sale. What's that?
I said, "Here comes
Jane, and she looks pale."
Sent for me, Wilton?
Yes, I want you inside the
fort during this emergency.
You do? Yes, I don't
want you outside
when there's a possibility
the Indians will be attacking.
Wilton, I didn't know you
felt that way about me.
Why, of course I do, Jane.
I've always said you
were the best shot in town.
All right, stack it
over there, men.
Vanderbilt, any sign
of those Indians yet?
I'd love a cup!
With a little cream
and sugar, please!
Agarn, go take a look yourself.
Right, sarge.
Men, we'd all better
check our pistols.
Ooh!
It's like this, Wilton.
Ah.
Whippoorwill! Whippoorwill!
Bobwhite! Bobwhite!
Agarn, you see anything yet?
There seems to be
some dust by the hills!
Hm. I'd better
take a look myself.
See, Wilton?
It's all in the wrist.
It's all in the wrist.
There. You did it, Wilton.
Ha-ha! Hey, I'm getting to be
a regular Wild Bill Hitchcock.
It's "Hickok."
Oh, yeah. Hickok.
Captain, it seems
to be all clear!
I'd better take a
look for myself!
Excuse me, Jane.
Captain, I don't think
the Hekawis are
really gonna attack.
You can't be too sure, sergeant.
This Bald Eagle could
really stir them up.
Wilton, I'm goin' back to town.
I want you to stay in the fort.
But I've gotta get
back to the store.
I want you to stay
here, and that's an order.
All right.
Oh, you ought to
let her go, captain.
There ain't no danger now.
Agarn says Bald Eagle isn't
within 20 miles of the place.
PARMENTER: Uh,
maybe you're right.
Wilton! Oh!
Kill!
[CRASH]
Bald Eagle!
He attacked the
fort single-handed!
And almost captured it!
Wilton!
Are you all right?
[GROGGILY] I'm fine. I'm fine.
Wilton, you captured Bald Eagle.
Huh?
You!
You're under arrest.
Put him in the guardhouse.
Yeah. Yes, sir.
Yeah, you're gonna come with...
You no have iron bars strong
enough to hold Bald Eagle!
Kill!
Kill, kill!
Rah!
[♪♪♪]
Come in.
Well, gentlemen, what...?
What can I do for you?
Well, sir, it's about the
prisoner, Bald Eagle.
Yes, we'd like to report that
we shot him at sunrise, sir.
You didn't!
No, but that's what
I'd like to report.
Some people think we should
give things back to the Indians.
How about if we
give 'em Bald Eagle?
What seems to be the problem?
Well, for starters, he...
He almost burned down
the guardhouse last night, sir.
How did he do that?
Well, he took his bunk apart,
and he rubbed two
bedposts together,
and set fire to the mattress.
Well, maybe he was cold.
I'll go have a
little chat with him.
I don't think that's gonna
do any good, captain.
Gentlemen, I have just received
a directive from Washington.
It orders all frontier commands
to begin a program of
friendliness toward the Indian.
It's called "Operation
Bury the Hatchet."
Yeah, and I know just
where I'd like to bury it.
Right in his head.
We have to give it a try.
It's our duty to cooperate with
the Bureau of Indian Affairs.
Now, the first
thing we have to do
is show Bald Eagle
that we're friendly.
Well, how can you be friendly?
It's tough to be friendly
with a guy who keeps
yelling, "Kill, kill, kill!"
It's our duty, corporal.
[THUMP]
Uh, hi, fella.
It's a lovely day, isn't it?
Uh... how are the eggs?
[CHUCKLES]
Eh... A little salty.
All right, put him to work
on the rock pile, Dobbs.
Right, sergeant.
No, no, no, no, no.
Remember, Operation
Bury the Hatchet.
Now, the best thing
to do at a time like this
is just turn the other cheek.
Oh, you've got eggs
on that one too, sir.
O'ROURKE: You
cannot be nice to him, sir.
A day's hard work will take
some of the orneriness out of him.
No can put me to work.
O'ROURKE: Why not?
Today Bald Eagle's birthday.
Oh, well, I'm
sorry. I didn't know.
I would have baked you a cake.
Put him in the
guardhouse, Dobbs!
See what we mean, sir?
Yeah, how do you like that?
Won't work because
it's his birthday.
What'll we do, captain?
Throw him a party.
Men, we want to make this
the happiest birthday Bald
Eagle has ever had, see?
So I've wrapped
all these presents
with each of your names on them.
Listen, captain,
the only thing he
wants for his birthday
is a gift-wrapped scalp.
No, no. Not if we
show him kindness.
Now, we must show
him that we're friendly
so he'll go back to the tribes
and spread the word that
we want to live in peace, see?
So no matter how ornery
he may be to any of you,
you be nice to him.
Yes, sir, captain. Right.
Duffy, bring in
the birthday boy.
Yeah. Right over here.
Now, Bald Eagle, I think
you know everybody.
Kill! Kill! Kill!
Uh, Bald Eagle, we all
want to be your friends.
And just to show
you that we mean it,
Duffy, take the
chains off this man.
Yes, sir, captain.
Now, wait a minute...
Now, men, put away your guns.
Captain, you can't...
Sergeant, sergeant.
That is an order.
Now, this is
supposed to be a party.
Now, let's all be nice.
Do you want to play the bugle,
Mr. Bald Eagle?
[GRUNTS]
Isn't that a nice bugle?
Would you like him to
show you how to play it?
[GRUNTS]
Don't you think you ought to
give Dobbs back his bugle?
[GRUNTS]
Oh!
Now, all together, men.
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow
For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
♪ Which nobody can deny ♪
Oh, gosh, talk about
your good times, huh?
Now, close your eyes,
and we have a
big surprise for you.
Me never close eyes,
even when sleeping.
Well, suit yourself.
Come on.
Jane?
MEN: Awww!
Now, Bald Eagle,
this is Wrangler Jane.
She baked this cake for you.
Happy birthday.
Me hate cake.
Now, Bald Eagle,
blow out the candle.
First, you have to make a wish.
Me wish all soldiers dead.
Oh! You told your wish.
Now it'll never come true.
Blow out the candle.
There, there. That's a good boy.
Here, Wilton, you cut the cake.
Oh. All right.
What am I doing?
The honor of cutting the cake
should go to the birthday boy.
Do not touch guns!
Do not try to follow
me. I kill your captain.
Happy birthday!
Well, you certainly
ruined a nice party.
Shut up, soldier dog.
We got you some
very nice presents too.
Wrangler Jane knitted
you a pair of argyle socks.
Me no want to hear
no more about party.
No more.
Don't you even want
to know what I got you?
No.
Give you three guesses.
No!
I got you a genuine
handmade elk-bone shoehorn.
Me no wear shoes.
Shoes only for soldier dogs.
Well, it's the
thought that counts.
Me now go to Chief Sitting Bull.
Bring him present.
I didn't know it was
Sitting Bull's birthday.
What did you get him?
Ha! You.
Oh, he wouldn't like
little, old skinny me.
It's the thought that counts.
All right, where is he?
Where who?
That mixed-up kid of yours.
He's run away with Wilton.
And I begged him to
marry a nice Indian girl.
You might as well give him up,
or you're askin'
for a lot of trouble.
Bald Eagle not here.
Are you sure
nobody's hidin' him?
You crazy?
Since we hear
Bald Eagle captured,
tribe have dance every night.
You have no idea
where we can find him?
Might be near Skunk Mountain.
He always go there when young.
Well, that figures.
Yeah, come on.
Think we can find him at night?
Sure. Just look for big bonfire.
Kid always afraid of dark.
All right, come on.
[♪♪♪]
What you doing?
You rubbing on rock.
Huh? Well, I-I had an itch.
I-I think it's the hives.
No itch. You trying to escape!
You looking for trouble?
[HOWL IN DISTANCE]
What's that?
Why don't you go out and see?
In the dark?
Ah, you shouldn't
be afraid of the dark.
Who's afraid? Bald
Eagle not afraid.
Oh, it's nothing
to be ashamed of.
I used to be afraid
of the dark myself.
You were?
Mm-hmm.
I used to sleep by candlelight.
You did?
Mm-hmm.
How you learn how
to sleep in dark?
The other soldiers in my tent
kept blowing out the candle.
Someday I learn
to sleep in dark.
Well, I wouldn't worry
too much about it.
I bet even a brave
warrior like, say, Geronimo,
is afraid of something.
Geronimo!
Always Geronimo!
Geronimo this, Geronimo that!
I sick of Geronimo.
Do you know him?
He's my cousin.
We grow up together.
Everybody say, "Be
like cousin Geronimo."
Oh, that's very interesting.
When I was a kid,
they always used to say,
"Be like your cousin,
Hercules Parmenter."
He's now a colonel.
Your cousin, he
smarter than you?
Oh, yes, yes. He
was always passing,
and I was always
failing in military school.
Geronimo, he always passing,
me always failing
in warrior school.
I failed map-reading.
What did you fail?
Scalping.
You should have gone to
summer school to make it up.
All young Indian girls,
they like Geronimo.
Big, handsome,
full head of hair.
Me always have head of skin.
You must have been
prematurely bald.
That's why I get my first scalp.
Ugh!
You should be shot for that.
No.
The man who sell me this wig,
he should be shot.
That's a wig?
Cost me five dollars. Get
it from mail-order catalog.
Man send me wrong hair.
Geronimo, he
laugh me out of tribe.
Oh. I understand.
My cousin Hercules
always laughs at me too.
When you little boy,
your father yell
heap much at you?
Oh, heap. Heap much.
Yes, especially if I didn't
salute him at breakfast.
My father, he treat
me like little papoose.
I had that problem myself.
When I was 16-years-old,
I meet pretty little squaw girl.
I want to take her
to Indian rain dance,
but father not trust
me with family canoe.
You know, you
won't believe this,
but my father
would never trust me
with the family buggy.
They wonder why we so mixed up.
[GASPS]
Oh, he's burying poor Wilton!
Come on.
All right, you little cutthroat!
Now, I'm gonna hang
you up by your thumbs
so the vultures can eat ya.
No, you can't!
Today my birthday!
Agarn, go get the rope.
Right, sarge!
Hi, fellas!
Gee, what a pleasant surprise.
JANE: Oh, Wilton.
He didn't kill you.
What? Kill me?
[WHIMPERS] Then
who's in the grave?
What? Grave?
No, no, Bald Eagle's
roasting some potatoes.
I went to gather some berries.
Yeah, you make
Bald Eagle very happy
if you stay for dinner.
I ain't eatin' dinner
with no killer.
No!
Bald Eagle turn over new scalp!
I wouldn't have believed it
if I hadn't seen it
with my own eyes.
The way the captain
straightened out
that wild Indian,
I tell you, you
gotta hand it to him.
Bald Eagle really
turned over a new leaf.
He had me up all night
trying to enlist in the Army.
Well, now that you
know where the fort is,
don't be a stranger.
Me want to thank you
for everything, captain,
especially birthday present.
Well, it's just a
little something
from the men of F Troop.
I go now.
Bye, captain.
Bye, sergeant.
Bye, corporal.
Goodbye... Hairy Eagle.
[LAUGHS]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]