Everybody Loves Raymond (1996–2005): Season 5, Episode 25 - Ally's Birth - full transcript
Flashback to when Ally was born.
Watch me, Daddy!
Hey, that's good.
Where did you learn that?
I don't know.
What are you,
like 21, 22 now?
I'm nine.
Oh, right. Nine.
Yeah.
Hello, Raymond.
Want to make a baby?
Oh, really, Ray?
Again?
Uh-huh.
Deb, Deb,
just wait a minute.
What?
We've been having sex every day
for the last three months.
I'm starting to feel
like a piece of meat.
Okay.
Boy, you really
want a kid, huh?
- What do you mean? Don't you?
- Yeah, you know...
- Huh?
- I don't know.
Well... what?
I mean, wasn't this the plan?
We've been trying for three months.
Aren't you the one
that said you wanted
a little Ray or... Raymona?
Yeah.
Yeah... I don't know.
What are you saying?
You don't want to have kids?
Does it have to be
right this second?
I can't believe you're
telling me this now!
You just don't want
responsibility!
That's what this is about.
You're a baby!
Yes, and you know what they say
about babies having babies...
- it's a crisis.
- Oh, you...
Look, wait, stop!
All I'm saying is
you shouldn't get so nutty
about being pregnant.
Well, why the hell not?!
Well, first of all, the language...
not really for children.
Just let it happen, okay?
If it happens, then it happens.
No no, you have to
keep at it!
There's only
so many days per month!
I'm just saying we shouldn't
get our hopes up, okay?
In case...
you know!
Whatever.
Ray... you do know
that three months of trying
isn't that long, right?
Don't look at me,
I don't even want to talk about it.
Oh, sweetie.
It's normal. Really.
I don't know.
- I got this feeling.
- Yeah? A feeling?
Three months.
We should have had a kid already.
No, listen.
Ray, I'm telling you.
Look, my father
said some stuff, okay?
Us Barones, we're supposed
to be really "vireal."
I mean, I should have...
I should have been able
to impregnate you by now.
- Your dad said that?
- He said knock you up, but yeah.
Ray, look, honey,
my gynecologist said
that it might take several months...
to knock me up.
Oh, honey, you have
nothing to worry about.
We have nothing
to worry about.
I guess if it's a girl,
it doesn't have to be Raymona.
I also like Alexandra.
Ally.
Yeah, I like that.
My father's an idiot.
Yeah yeah, I could use less
of a Frank image right now.
Oh, hi, Marie.
- Hi, dear, hi.
- Hi.
Come on in. Ray's not even home yet.
Frank and Robert still parking?
Frank's looking
for a broken meter.
If Robert wasn't with him,
he'd break one himself.
I made you some appetizers for tonight.
I hope you don't mind, dear.
Oh, please. Any time you want
to come over with food,
you're more than welcome.
- So how have you been?
- Good, and you?
Good.
You're pregnant.
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are!
Yes, I am.
- Oh, I am so happy for you!
- So am I!
- When did you find out?
- Today.
I haven't even told Ray yet.
- You haven't?
- No!
- How exciting!
- Yes.
Oh, you're going to make
such a good mother.
Oh, you're going to be
such a good grandmother.
I know.
- Hey.
- Hey.
So you found
a parking space, Frank?
I hate all these
damn fire hydrants!
I'm glad dogs pee
on them!
Sorry about that, Frank.
Yeah, damn fire hydrants.
- So how you doing, Robert?
- Actually, I'm doing good.
- I met a girl.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
- What's her name?
Joanne.
Oh, she's great.
We've only been out one time,
but I think that this...
Debra's pregnant!
It's true! It's true!
I just found out!
Oh.
Now I feel bad going on
about not being able to park.
- "Uncle Robert." No no no.
- Yeah.
"Uncle Bobby," yes.
"Hey, Uncle Bobby, what's up?"
"Nothing much, kid."
Okay, so listen.
Ray doesn't know yet, so when
he gets home, you have to let me tell...
Raymond!
My beautiful boy!
Hey.
- So how was work?
- Oh God, my editor's such an idiot.
Okay, so you had a bad day.
But how about everybody else?
I mean, your father's fine, I'm fine
and Robert's the same as always.
But... how...
how was your day,
Debra, huh?
Yeah, it was okay, Marie.
- You okay, Ma?
- Yes.
But the question is
how is Debra?
- What's going on?
- Nothing. What?
You know what, Marie? Why don't you
go break out your appetizers?
Yeah, Ma, go get those.
Okay, but nobody talk
till I get back, all right?
In fact, you know
what's a fun game to play?
"Silent Indian,"
the no-talking game. Play that.
Hey, what?
What are you doing?
What? Debra, what?
What the hell?
Ray, our first few years together
have been a joy to me.
Hey, what are you two
doing out here? Wait a minute!
And I think of our life
together as a journey.
Hey!
Don't you want
your appetizers?
A great journey,
and along this path...
we would...
No, Ma, stop!
Along this path, we would share
many joyful moments together.
Moments that
we will remember al...
oh, okay!
- I'm pregnant!
- What?
Pregnant!
Debra's pregnant!
Debra, dear,
I made you some pasta.
Oh, no thanks.
I'm not hungry, Marie.
Hit me, I'm open.
But your baby's just three weeks away,
you need your strength.
I know, but the doctor said
I shouldn't be eating anything heavy.
So you're just going to do
everything the doctor says?
When I was with child,
I ate three healthy meals a day,
and look how my boys
turned out.
Stop eating immediately.
Oh, I thought some motherly wisdom
would be appreciated,
- but I guess I'm not worth it.
- Okay, I'll eat it.
- Thank you, thank you.
- No trouble, dear.
I'm going to make you some tea.
Pregnant women love tea.
Come out!
Oh.
No no, I got it.
Huh? What was that?
What?
Nothing. I'm going to go
to the bathroom.
Okay, hurry back,
Mommy-cakes.
Hey, okay!
I got some big news
and I wanted to tell you guys first.
All right.
I've been dating Joanne
for about six months now,
and I think that I just might
have found my Debra.
So after careful deliberation, I have
decided that I'm going to ask her...
- My water just broke.
- What?!
Holy crap!
What?
Are you sure?
Very very very much so.
No no. The books says this stuff ain't
supposed to happen for three weeks.
Oh, really? Let me see that.
My water just broke, Ray!
I thought the pains in my back
were from your mother,
but apparently
they're contr... ah!
Contrah!
You're having contrah?!
Contractions!
Definitely contractions!
Are you sure?
Yeah, okay, definitely.
Yeah, definitely.
Well, what do you do?!
Don't you have to go
away from here?
Oh no! I don't have a route
mapped out to the hospital from here.
Shh, be quiet!
I don't want Marie to know!
- Let's just get out of here.
- What?
Whoa whoa whoa.
You're not going to tell my mother?
After we're in the hospital and
well under way, then you can tell her.
- What's well under way?
- Kindergarten.
I don't want her
in my delivery room!
Maybe she could
just bring cookies?
I am going to bite
your nose right off.
Maybe you give us
a head start, okay?
Come on,
easy easy easy.
Ooh, what's going on?
Nothing!
Ray and I were just thinking
of taking a little walk.
Right, Ray? Just a walk
around the block.
Mm-hmm.
Robert, you want
to come with us?
I don't know, do I?
I just thought that since you're a cop,
maybe we could walk a littler faster,
like, right through
the red lights.
Since you're a cop.
Oh, yeah. Right.
Oh, wait, wait.
Let me get my jacket.
No no no.
Ma...
you should, uh...
I don't know.
Why don't you just stay?
Well, why would I do that?
Because... because...
oh hi, honey.
Yeah.
Uh... Mom...
M-M-Marie.
- You should stay here.
- Why, Frank?
'Cause...
then you and I
could have some...
alone time.
Really?
Okay.
Well, I guess we'll see
you kids in a while.
- Okay.
- Okay, all right.
I hope everyone
remembers this moment
when it's time
to name the baby!
Ooh, boy.
Wait a minute,
which way are you going?!
This is the L.I.E!
I said to take the bridge!
Look, I know what
I'm doing. I...
Uh-oh.
What "uh-oh"?
Why "uh-oh"?
Well, there seems to be
a little traffic.
Traffic! Traffic!
- Bridge! I said the bridge!
- All right, then!
- There must be an accident up ahead!
- Oh my God!
Well go around them!
Put your siren on!
There's no room to move!
A siren would just annoy people!
Maybe the bridge
would have been faster.
Would have been faster to put
a stamp on her butt and mail her.
- Oh my God!
- What what what?
- What?
- Oh!
The baby is coming
right now! Oh my God!
- Keep your legs together!
- Oh my God!
Oh, this is it!
This is it!
Dispatch, this is Officer Barone!
I'm on the L.I.E!
I've got a woman in labor!
I need an ambulance
on the Woodhaven exit, over!
What are you doing?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
- If need be, I'm delivering this baby! -
You're not a doctor!
I've had training
in emergency child delivery!
No no no!
I don't care! I don't care!
You don't talk anymore!
Move over! Come in here!
Robert!
Holy Moses.
- What are you looking at?!
- I'm waiting for the baby, Raymond!
Your eyes
got to be so open?
I'm going to need something
to wrap the baby in.
- Give me your shirt.
- What? No no no no.
Punch him and take
the shirt, Robert!
All right, all right!
Man, this is not right!
This is against God!
Thou shalt not look
at thy brother's wife there!
- That's not a commandment!
- It didn't have to be!
It's so bad, God just figured
that it was understood!
- Oh, Ray? Ray?
- What?
- Where is my relaxation music?
- I don't have the tape, honey.
- I need my music.
- I don't have the tape...
I've got to have
my music!
You're looking too much.
Stop it! Stop it!
Stop bothering him!
He's delivering our child!
All right! Well, deliver already!
Start delivering!
Well actually, Debra,
you-you're not... set to pop.
- What do you mean?
- Well, I don't think
I'm seeing what
I'm supposed to be seeing.
What do you mean?
You're seeing everything!
What else are you
supposed to see?!
A head!
Oh. Maybe it's not
hurting so much anymore.
Well, you stop looking then,
stop looking!
I think I'll go back up there and
wait for the traffic to start moving.
In case the traffic starts moving.
Sorry, everybody.
You did great, honey,
just great.
Thanks.
Here you go, Ray.
Here's your little girl.
Oh, look at her, Ray.
Hi, Ally.
Excuse me, we can't hold
your mother back any longer.
She just turned over
a gurney.
Okay, let them in.
We should keep the baby
between us and her like a shield.
- Hey.
- Oh!
- Look at her.
- Oh boy, oh boy.
- Here she is.
- There she is!
The fountain of youth.
I'm sucking in that youth.
- Oh, man, is that great stuff?
- Yeah.
Ma, you want
to see the baby?
I see her.
Very nice.
Marie, I want you to hold her.
No no, it's fine.
I know my place.
Give her to me.
Oh! Oh, Ally,
sweet baby.
Grandma's sweetie.
Okay, we're going to need
a little privacy now.
It's time for our first
breast-feeding lesson.
Oh.
- Okay, guys.
- Oh, Ally.
- We'll see Grandma soon.
- I'll come back, yes.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Bye.
- See you guys downstairs.
- Do I have to go? 'Cause I already...
- You've seen enough!
Do you want
to go home now?
No no, we can stay.
Want to dance with me?
That's okay.
You don't like the slow songs.
No, I want to.
It's going fast enough.
Hey, that's good.
Where did you learn that?
I don't know.
What are you,
like 21, 22 now?
I'm nine.
Oh, right. Nine.
Yeah.
Hello, Raymond.
Want to make a baby?
Oh, really, Ray?
Again?
Uh-huh.
Deb, Deb,
just wait a minute.
What?
We've been having sex every day
for the last three months.
I'm starting to feel
like a piece of meat.
Okay.
Boy, you really
want a kid, huh?
- What do you mean? Don't you?
- Yeah, you know...
- Huh?
- I don't know.
Well... what?
I mean, wasn't this the plan?
We've been trying for three months.
Aren't you the one
that said you wanted
a little Ray or... Raymona?
Yeah.
Yeah... I don't know.
What are you saying?
You don't want to have kids?
Does it have to be
right this second?
I can't believe you're
telling me this now!
You just don't want
responsibility!
That's what this is about.
You're a baby!
Yes, and you know what they say
about babies having babies...
- it's a crisis.
- Oh, you...
Look, wait, stop!
All I'm saying is
you shouldn't get so nutty
about being pregnant.
Well, why the hell not?!
Well, first of all, the language...
not really for children.
Just let it happen, okay?
If it happens, then it happens.
No no, you have to
keep at it!
There's only
so many days per month!
I'm just saying we shouldn't
get our hopes up, okay?
In case...
you know!
Whatever.
Ray... you do know
that three months of trying
isn't that long, right?
Don't look at me,
I don't even want to talk about it.
Oh, sweetie.
It's normal. Really.
I don't know.
- I got this feeling.
- Yeah? A feeling?
Three months.
We should have had a kid already.
No, listen.
Ray, I'm telling you.
Look, my father
said some stuff, okay?
Us Barones, we're supposed
to be really "vireal."
I mean, I should have...
I should have been able
to impregnate you by now.
- Your dad said that?
- He said knock you up, but yeah.
Ray, look, honey,
my gynecologist said
that it might take several months...
to knock me up.
Oh, honey, you have
nothing to worry about.
We have nothing
to worry about.
I guess if it's a girl,
it doesn't have to be Raymona.
I also like Alexandra.
Ally.
Yeah, I like that.
My father's an idiot.
Yeah yeah, I could use less
of a Frank image right now.
Oh, hi, Marie.
- Hi, dear, hi.
- Hi.
Come on in. Ray's not even home yet.
Frank and Robert still parking?
Frank's looking
for a broken meter.
If Robert wasn't with him,
he'd break one himself.
I made you some appetizers for tonight.
I hope you don't mind, dear.
Oh, please. Any time you want
to come over with food,
you're more than welcome.
- So how have you been?
- Good, and you?
Good.
You're pregnant.
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are!
Yes, I am.
- Oh, I am so happy for you!
- So am I!
- When did you find out?
- Today.
I haven't even told Ray yet.
- You haven't?
- No!
- How exciting!
- Yes.
Oh, you're going to make
such a good mother.
Oh, you're going to be
such a good grandmother.
I know.
- Hey.
- Hey.
So you found
a parking space, Frank?
I hate all these
damn fire hydrants!
I'm glad dogs pee
on them!
Sorry about that, Frank.
Yeah, damn fire hydrants.
- So how you doing, Robert?
- Actually, I'm doing good.
- I met a girl.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
- What's her name?
Joanne.
Oh, she's great.
We've only been out one time,
but I think that this...
Debra's pregnant!
It's true! It's true!
I just found out!
Oh.
Now I feel bad going on
about not being able to park.
- "Uncle Robert." No no no.
- Yeah.
"Uncle Bobby," yes.
"Hey, Uncle Bobby, what's up?"
"Nothing much, kid."
Okay, so listen.
Ray doesn't know yet, so when
he gets home, you have to let me tell...
Raymond!
My beautiful boy!
Hey.
- So how was work?
- Oh God, my editor's such an idiot.
Okay, so you had a bad day.
But how about everybody else?
I mean, your father's fine, I'm fine
and Robert's the same as always.
But... how...
how was your day,
Debra, huh?
Yeah, it was okay, Marie.
- You okay, Ma?
- Yes.
But the question is
how is Debra?
- What's going on?
- Nothing. What?
You know what, Marie? Why don't you
go break out your appetizers?
Yeah, Ma, go get those.
Okay, but nobody talk
till I get back, all right?
In fact, you know
what's a fun game to play?
"Silent Indian,"
the no-talking game. Play that.
Hey, what?
What are you doing?
What? Debra, what?
What the hell?
Ray, our first few years together
have been a joy to me.
Hey, what are you two
doing out here? Wait a minute!
And I think of our life
together as a journey.
Hey!
Don't you want
your appetizers?
A great journey,
and along this path...
we would...
No, Ma, stop!
Along this path, we would share
many joyful moments together.
Moments that
we will remember al...
oh, okay!
- I'm pregnant!
- What?
Pregnant!
Debra's pregnant!
Debra, dear,
I made you some pasta.
Oh, no thanks.
I'm not hungry, Marie.
Hit me, I'm open.
But your baby's just three weeks away,
you need your strength.
I know, but the doctor said
I shouldn't be eating anything heavy.
So you're just going to do
everything the doctor says?
When I was with child,
I ate three healthy meals a day,
and look how my boys
turned out.
Stop eating immediately.
Oh, I thought some motherly wisdom
would be appreciated,
- but I guess I'm not worth it.
- Okay, I'll eat it.
- Thank you, thank you.
- No trouble, dear.
I'm going to make you some tea.
Pregnant women love tea.
Come out!
Oh.
No no, I got it.
Huh? What was that?
What?
Nothing. I'm going to go
to the bathroom.
Okay, hurry back,
Mommy-cakes.
Hey, okay!
I got some big news
and I wanted to tell you guys first.
All right.
I've been dating Joanne
for about six months now,
and I think that I just might
have found my Debra.
So after careful deliberation, I have
decided that I'm going to ask her...
- My water just broke.
- What?!
Holy crap!
What?
Are you sure?
Very very very much so.
No no. The books says this stuff ain't
supposed to happen for three weeks.
Oh, really? Let me see that.
My water just broke, Ray!
I thought the pains in my back
were from your mother,
but apparently
they're contr... ah!
Contrah!
You're having contrah?!
Contractions!
Definitely contractions!
Are you sure?
Yeah, okay, definitely.
Yeah, definitely.
Well, what do you do?!
Don't you have to go
away from here?
Oh no! I don't have a route
mapped out to the hospital from here.
Shh, be quiet!
I don't want Marie to know!
- Let's just get out of here.
- What?
Whoa whoa whoa.
You're not going to tell my mother?
After we're in the hospital and
well under way, then you can tell her.
- What's well under way?
- Kindergarten.
I don't want her
in my delivery room!
Maybe she could
just bring cookies?
I am going to bite
your nose right off.
Maybe you give us
a head start, okay?
Come on,
easy easy easy.
Ooh, what's going on?
Nothing!
Ray and I were just thinking
of taking a little walk.
Right, Ray? Just a walk
around the block.
Mm-hmm.
Robert, you want
to come with us?
I don't know, do I?
I just thought that since you're a cop,
maybe we could walk a littler faster,
like, right through
the red lights.
Since you're a cop.
Oh, yeah. Right.
Oh, wait, wait.
Let me get my jacket.
No no no.
Ma...
you should, uh...
I don't know.
Why don't you just stay?
Well, why would I do that?
Because... because...
oh hi, honey.
Yeah.
Uh... Mom...
M-M-Marie.
- You should stay here.
- Why, Frank?
'Cause...
then you and I
could have some...
alone time.
Really?
Okay.
Well, I guess we'll see
you kids in a while.
- Okay.
- Okay, all right.
I hope everyone
remembers this moment
when it's time
to name the baby!
Ooh, boy.
Wait a minute,
which way are you going?!
This is the L.I.E!
I said to take the bridge!
Look, I know what
I'm doing. I...
Uh-oh.
What "uh-oh"?
Why "uh-oh"?
Well, there seems to be
a little traffic.
Traffic! Traffic!
- Bridge! I said the bridge!
- All right, then!
- There must be an accident up ahead!
- Oh my God!
Well go around them!
Put your siren on!
There's no room to move!
A siren would just annoy people!
Maybe the bridge
would have been faster.
Would have been faster to put
a stamp on her butt and mail her.
- Oh my God!
- What what what?
- What?
- Oh!
The baby is coming
right now! Oh my God!
- Keep your legs together!
- Oh my God!
Oh, this is it!
This is it!
Dispatch, this is Officer Barone!
I'm on the L.I.E!
I've got a woman in labor!
I need an ambulance
on the Woodhaven exit, over!
What are you doing?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
- If need be, I'm delivering this baby! -
You're not a doctor!
I've had training
in emergency child delivery!
No no no!
I don't care! I don't care!
You don't talk anymore!
Move over! Come in here!
Robert!
Holy Moses.
- What are you looking at?!
- I'm waiting for the baby, Raymond!
Your eyes
got to be so open?
I'm going to need something
to wrap the baby in.
- Give me your shirt.
- What? No no no no.
Punch him and take
the shirt, Robert!
All right, all right!
Man, this is not right!
This is against God!
Thou shalt not look
at thy brother's wife there!
- That's not a commandment!
- It didn't have to be!
It's so bad, God just figured
that it was understood!
- Oh, Ray? Ray?
- What?
- Where is my relaxation music?
- I don't have the tape, honey.
- I need my music.
- I don't have the tape...
I've got to have
my music!
You're looking too much.
Stop it! Stop it!
Stop bothering him!
He's delivering our child!
All right! Well, deliver already!
Start delivering!
Well actually, Debra,
you-you're not... set to pop.
- What do you mean?
- Well, I don't think
I'm seeing what
I'm supposed to be seeing.
What do you mean?
You're seeing everything!
What else are you
supposed to see?!
A head!
Oh. Maybe it's not
hurting so much anymore.
Well, you stop looking then,
stop looking!
I think I'll go back up there and
wait for the traffic to start moving.
In case the traffic starts moving.
Sorry, everybody.
You did great, honey,
just great.
Thanks.
Here you go, Ray.
Here's your little girl.
Oh, look at her, Ray.
Hi, Ally.
Excuse me, we can't hold
your mother back any longer.
She just turned over
a gurney.
Okay, let them in.
We should keep the baby
between us and her like a shield.
- Hey.
- Oh!
- Look at her.
- Oh boy, oh boy.
- Here she is.
- There she is!
The fountain of youth.
I'm sucking in that youth.
- Oh, man, is that great stuff?
- Yeah.
Ma, you want
to see the baby?
I see her.
Very nice.
Marie, I want you to hold her.
No no, it's fine.
I know my place.
Give her to me.
Oh! Oh, Ally,
sweet baby.
Grandma's sweetie.
Okay, we're going to need
a little privacy now.
It's time for our first
breast-feeding lesson.
Oh.
- Okay, guys.
- Oh, Ally.
- We'll see Grandma soon.
- I'll come back, yes.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Bye.
- See you guys downstairs.
- Do I have to go? 'Cause I already...
- You've seen enough!
Do you want
to go home now?
No no, we can stay.
Want to dance with me?
That's okay.
You don't like the slow songs.
No, I want to.
It's going fast enough.