Everybody Loves Raymond (1996–2005): Season 5, Episode 16 - Fairies - full transcript
The twins want to be fairies in the school play.
Dad, you wearing
aftershave?
Yeah.
Doesn't look
like you shaved.
I didn't shower, either.
Hence the aftershave.
Nice try.
Oh, what are you guys
doing here?
Watching the Knicks
on the dish.
- And holding our breath.
- Great.
Guys, get off the lawn.
Go upstairs. Come on, change.
You got to change.
What are you doing
to these kids?
They're in a play.
Let me guess,
"Death of a Salesman"?
Just this thing at school,
that's all.
A play? That's a mistake!
Get them into sports! Quick!
Look, it's a couple of weeks,
that's all. The whole class is in it.
I don't like it.
Looking and running around here
like a couple of sissies!
- There not sissies.
- No?
- No.
- Well then what the hell are they?!
They're fairies.
Oh my God!
I'm telling you, sports!
Quick! Right now!
Tennis even!
No, look. These are the parts
that they were assigned.
All right?
That's it, it's no big deal.
Well, listen
to the king of the fairies.
- Hi.
- Hey!
I took Debra
grocery shopping.
Now she knows
how to choose a cut of meat.
And humiliate
a butcher.
We should go shopping
together more often.
Yeah, I'll call you.
And next time you're out, you should
get a couple of skirts for your twins.
What?
Dad's mad 'cause the boys
are fairies in the school play.
Oh-hh, they'll make
adorable fairies.
They already do. You should have
seen them in the little wings.
Somebody just kill me.
Oh, Frank, come on.
Hey, look,
don't listen to him.
He did the same thing to me when
I joined the chorus in seventh grade.
You know, I was
basso profundo.
All right!
All right!
All right!
All right, enough!
- That's how it starts!
- What?
Singing, dancing!
Showering regularly!
Why don't you go
hang some drapes?
Stop it, Frank.
I was so sad
when he quit chorus.
I had to. Everyone
was making fun of me.
That's why you quit?
I don't remember anybody
making fun of you.
Dad told me people were
making fun of me.
What people?
Who?
People.
What people?
People...
within the community.
It was just you,
wasn't it, Dad?
I represent
the community!
Oh, who cares? The next day,
I put up the basketball hoop.
Before you know it,
you had a shelf full of trophies.
By the way, when are you going
to get that crap out of my house?
Yeah, Dad needs that space
for his "Father of the Year" awards.
What are you,
cracking wise?
My hard work is the only reason
the two of you
aren't flitting around here
like a couple of tinkerbells!
Even so, you're still
a "bachelor."
- Don't be ridiculous.
- Yeah, Frank,
dressing the twins like fairies
is not going to make them gay.
Well it's not going
to make them teamsters.
I'm sure there are
gay teamsters.
You, madam,
are ignorant.
Oh, please.
This won't
make them gay.
And even if it does,
it's fine.
It's better than fine,
it's wonderful.
Who cares what they are,
so long as they're happy?
You know what?
I hope they do turn gay.
You're just saying that
to make me mad!
Why are you mad? You think that's
the worse thing that could happen?
Them turning out like you is
the worse thing that could happen.
So everyone's fine
with all of this?!
Huh?!
What about you?
What about me?
You're fine with your sons
dressing up like fairies
for all of Long Island to see?
First of all, it's not in front
of all of Long Island, okay?
There's 40 people in the school's
cafe-gym-a-torium, all right?
Second of all,
do you hear yourself?!
Aren't you embarrassed
to talk that way?!
- What way?!
- You know!
Your old stupid ideas
that you and your lodge buddies
sit around and laugh at
between bouts of gas.
Don't say nothing
about my lodge buddies!
Who, the guys you swim
naked with?
That's lodge policy!
Yeah, all right.
Is it "lodge policy" to force
your opinions on other people?
Look, they're my kids, I'll raise them
the way I want to raise them...
and what is that smell?!
He didn't shower today,
so he used my Jean Nat?.
What?!
You never look at what
you're picking up in there.
Really? You're wearing
perfume, Dad?
Shut up!
You do smell purty, Pa.
Well, I'm not so sure I like
the way I'm being treated here.
If any of you
want to apologize to me,
I'll be in the bath!
Who's going to apologize
to the tub?
Oh, you made him so angry,
Raymond.
- Yeah.
- You should do that more often!
- I'm proud of you, honey.
- Yeah, well, you know.
- It's enough already.
- I know.
I tell you, Frank would
probably have been happy
if I had signed the kids up
to run the tape recorder.
What do you mean
"sign them up"?
Yeah, I signed them up.
Well, what do you mean?
You volunteered them to be fairies?
Yeah.
Why?
'Cause I thought
it would be cute
to see them wear sparkly outfits
and get a chance to dance.
Do they have wands?
I could make them wands.
- Yeah.
- Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
You made them fairies when there was
an opening at tape recorder?
Yeah.
Well, why would you
do that?!
What are you talking about?
You said you were fine with it.
I'm not saying that
I'm not fine with it, all right?
- I am, I'm fine with it.
- You don't sound fine with it.
That's 'cause I didn't know
we had a choice.
I didn't know you pushed
them into this.
I didn't push them.
I thought they would like it.
And they do.
They're having fun.
Y-yeah, fun.
They're five, okay?
They have fun with the empty roll
from the toilet paper.
Why are you
getting so upset?
You know, you're sounding
like your father.
I'm not my father, okay?
This is not about that.
This is about you making decisions
for our children
that don't involve...
their free will!
Oh, so you're worried
about their free will?
No, he's not.
Why are you
still here?
Free will.
Maybe you're more
like your father than you think.
Hey! Look!
I am not prejudiced!
You just don't want
you boys to be fairies.
Listen to me.
If my children come home
and say, "Hey, Dad, we decided
to be fairies in the school play,"
I say, "Good for you!" Good, guys.
Let's go have a root beer, huh?
All right? My father doesn't do that.
I'm not my father.
- What?!
- You're going to give them a root beer?
Yes, that's right!
I'm going... yes!
You know what?
You are worse than your father
because at least
he's upfront with it.
You pretend to be liberal,
but the truth is,
you're embarrassed
that your boys are playing fairies.
- Ahem... bull's-eye!
- Hey, shut up!
All right,
just shut up.
I tried to make
Raymond sensitive, Debra.
Ma, don't you start, okay?
I took you to museums
and I gave you piano lessons.
And I even had his hair cut
at my beauty parlor.
But there's still
some of his father in him.
He got the moron gene.
I'm going to stop it before
it gets to Michael and Geoffrey.
You see, that's exactly
what I'm talking about.
Who says you get to make
all the decisions in this house, huh?!
You know, they're my boys too,
all right?!
Why don't you worry
a little bit more about the girl?
- Ally.
- I know her name!
And you know what?
As far as the boys are concerned,
maybe there's such a thing
as too liberal!
Ms. "Hippie
Go-Free-Free"!
Michael! Geoffrey!
Come on down here!
- Hey, what's going on?
- No, don't you worry.
- What are you doing?
- Ba-ba, ba-ba-ba. I got it.
Guys, come here.
Listen...
Daddy pulled
a few strings
and got you better parts
in the play, okay?
Now, here are
your new costumes.
They're rocks?
No, boulders!
These are great parts,
guys, huh?
Best parts in the whole play!
The mighty boulders!
You didn't even tell them
they could be boulders.
- So what do they do?
- They guard the entrance to the castle.
- Do they have lines?
- No, but here's the thing, guys,
you know the part
where the prince comes home
weary from his long journey?
Well, he's going to come over
and rest on one of you guys.
And then, while he's resting
on one of you guys,
he puts his knapsack
right on the other guy.
And it's a heavy knapsack,
but you are a boulder!
- So they just sit there?
- Only for the whole play.
It's a good part. It's great
and they're perfect for it.
Come on, let's try them on, guys. Sit
down, sit down.
Sit, sit.
Oh, you look
awesome!
I'm proud
of you guys!
Ray, you made them scenery!
- How you guys doing in there?!
- I'm scared!
Me too!
Okay, come on.
Come on.
That's enough for today,
all right?
Maybe we'll poke
a few holes in there
for light...
and air.
Daddy, can I
put my wings on?
Well, actually Daddy's got to bring
the wings back to school now.
I like my wings.
Me too.
But rocks
don't have wings.
Huh?
And if you're a rock,
you get... you're going
to be smooth and cool.
Which will come in real handy later
with the ladies.
You're smooth.
You're cool.
- I want to be a fairy!
- Me too!
Well... listen,
maybe Ms. Sarah will let
you have candy under there.
Ray, take them back.
How would you guys
like a puppy under there?
- Ray!
- All right!
- Ms. Sarah.
- Oh hi, Mr. Barone.
- Did you bring the wings back?
- Yeah.
- I need the wings.
- Well... here's the thing.
The rock idea
really didn't fly.
But I thought you said
your boys dreamed of being rocks.
Ah, kids and their dreams.
But I think it would be okay if they
just went back to being fairies.
Actually, I've already
got two new fairies. I'm sorry.
Oh.
Well, you know what? How about...
you could have four fairies.
Two over there,
a couple more over there.
For my money, you can never
have too many fairies.
You know what? Maybe your boys
would like to work behind the scenes.
They could help Josh
with the tape recorder.
Oh, well, you know.
The thing is...
they actually kind
of want to be fairies.
Well, to be honest
with you,
I'm not so sure Michael and Geoffrey
are quite cut out to be fairies.
What do you mean?
Well they were having some problems
following the choreography.
Really? They looked good
from what I saw.
Actually, they...
no.
They just kind of...
run around
and I can't seem to get them
to follow the music.
Well, maybe they just need
a little more practice. That's all.
Well, we've been
rehearsing for a week.
They just don't seem to have
the proper coordination.
I'm sorry.
Oh, okay,
let's see the first light cue
for the prince's entrance.
Wait, you're joking, right?
'Cause my boys, they're coordinated.
You know, I play
ball with them.
You should see them.
They run, they catch, they hit it.
I'm sure they're
great at sports,
but this is just
a little more complicated.
What?
Dancing?
No, no, no.
Come on, they can do this.
Four fairies.
Come on, I see it.
I see it right there,
huh?
It makes the show.
Well, I want to be fair
to Michael and Geoffrey.
And the two new fairies,
well, they're just...
a little lighter
on their feet.
Well, my boys
are very light.
The doors at the A&P
don't even open for them.
But the two
new ones
are really
quite good.
So... is this
the school system now?
We just settle
for "quite good"?
All right.
- Guys... you ready?
- Yeah!
Okay.
"Just as the prince
had given up hope,
and thought he was lost
in the forest forever,
he heard a rustling
in the trees.
It was the magical fairies."
No, no, no. Stop it.
Stop it. All right,
come here. Stop it.
Stop it.
Stop bouncing.
Okay, stop it!
Guys, stop!
Stop, stop,
stop, stop!
All right,
pretty good.
Lot of energy.
Good, good energy.
Let's take it down
a notch, all right?
You got to remember,
fairies, they're...
happy and light,
all right?
Not so much...
No, no. They're not
like that, okay?
So let's try it again. This time,
stay together and just remember
try to be...
be graceful, okay?
Make believe
you're flying, okay?
Happy and light. All right,
right from the top, all right?
- Okay, guys, you ready?!
- Yeah.
Just as the prince
had given up hope,
and thought he was lost
in the forest forever,
he heard a rustling
in the trees!
It was
the magical fairies!
No, you're not airplanes, guys!
Come on, you're not airplanes.
Now cut, cut.
Cut, guys, cut! "Cut" means
to stop! Cut, stop. Stop!
That's not funny,
all right?
It's going to be funny
when you're up there
and you're the worst fairies
of the play. Is that going to be funny?
Now, come on.
I've seen the
other fairies, guys.
They put you away,
all right?
Now you got to...
you got to know the moves!
Otherwise, what?
I'm not going to tape it.
I'm not going to videotape it
if you're...
I want you guys to be
the best fairies, all right?
So here's
what I want you to do
'cause you're not going
to get by on your looks.
It's not, "Oh, look at the twins
with the blond hair."
That doesn't cut it
anymore, all right?
So listen, instead of...
holding your arms
out straight,
try flapping them.
Flap them, yeah.
Okay, not so hard though.
Not so hard though, okay?
Gentle, gentle.
Yeah, see?
That's it.
This is how you fly.
It's how you float.
Feel the air.
The air is under your wings.
All right, good.
Now, instead of running,
why don't
you guys... skip?
Try to skip.
Yeah.
Try to skip.
That's good.
Lightly, lightly.
Like, you know,
...glide. Glide.
Glide.
Good, all right.
Now let's try it on our toes.
On our tippy toes.
The tippy toes.
Yeah, that's it.
Feel it. You're flying.
Like you're flying.
I'm flying,
I'm flying, I'm flying.
I'm flying! I'm flying! I...
Holy crap!
Marie!
I hope you're happy!
All right, guys,
no pressure, okay?
Don't be nervous.
Michael, where's your wand?
- What did you do with your wand?
- You have it, Daddy.
Oh, right, right.
Okay, here.
Hey, do you mind?
We're on in a minute here.
Mr. Barone, wouldn't
you be more comfortable
sitting in the audience
with the rest of the parents?
No, you know what?
I'm good right here.
Okay. Well let's go,
everybody.
- Okay, good luck, boys.
- All right, guys, this is it.
You're on, okay?
Come on, places now.
Hey, don't forget
the twirly finish!
Curtain up.
"Once upon a time,
there was a prince
who was lost in the forest.
Just as the prince
had given up hope,
and thought he was lost
in the forest forever,
he heard a rustling
in the trees.
It was...
the magical fairies."
aftershave?
Yeah.
Doesn't look
like you shaved.
I didn't shower, either.
Hence the aftershave.
Nice try.
Oh, what are you guys
doing here?
Watching the Knicks
on the dish.
- And holding our breath.
- Great.
Guys, get off the lawn.
Go upstairs. Come on, change.
You got to change.
What are you doing
to these kids?
They're in a play.
Let me guess,
"Death of a Salesman"?
Just this thing at school,
that's all.
A play? That's a mistake!
Get them into sports! Quick!
Look, it's a couple of weeks,
that's all. The whole class is in it.
I don't like it.
Looking and running around here
like a couple of sissies!
- There not sissies.
- No?
- No.
- Well then what the hell are they?!
They're fairies.
Oh my God!
I'm telling you, sports!
Quick! Right now!
Tennis even!
No, look. These are the parts
that they were assigned.
All right?
That's it, it's no big deal.
Well, listen
to the king of the fairies.
- Hi.
- Hey!
I took Debra
grocery shopping.
Now she knows
how to choose a cut of meat.
And humiliate
a butcher.
We should go shopping
together more often.
Yeah, I'll call you.
And next time you're out, you should
get a couple of skirts for your twins.
What?
Dad's mad 'cause the boys
are fairies in the school play.
Oh-hh, they'll make
adorable fairies.
They already do. You should have
seen them in the little wings.
Somebody just kill me.
Oh, Frank, come on.
Hey, look,
don't listen to him.
He did the same thing to me when
I joined the chorus in seventh grade.
You know, I was
basso profundo.
All right!
All right!
All right!
All right, enough!
- That's how it starts!
- What?
Singing, dancing!
Showering regularly!
Why don't you go
hang some drapes?
Stop it, Frank.
I was so sad
when he quit chorus.
I had to. Everyone
was making fun of me.
That's why you quit?
I don't remember anybody
making fun of you.
Dad told me people were
making fun of me.
What people?
Who?
People.
What people?
People...
within the community.
It was just you,
wasn't it, Dad?
I represent
the community!
Oh, who cares? The next day,
I put up the basketball hoop.
Before you know it,
you had a shelf full of trophies.
By the way, when are you going
to get that crap out of my house?
Yeah, Dad needs that space
for his "Father of the Year" awards.
What are you,
cracking wise?
My hard work is the only reason
the two of you
aren't flitting around here
like a couple of tinkerbells!
Even so, you're still
a "bachelor."
- Don't be ridiculous.
- Yeah, Frank,
dressing the twins like fairies
is not going to make them gay.
Well it's not going
to make them teamsters.
I'm sure there are
gay teamsters.
You, madam,
are ignorant.
Oh, please.
This won't
make them gay.
And even if it does,
it's fine.
It's better than fine,
it's wonderful.
Who cares what they are,
so long as they're happy?
You know what?
I hope they do turn gay.
You're just saying that
to make me mad!
Why are you mad? You think that's
the worse thing that could happen?
Them turning out like you is
the worse thing that could happen.
So everyone's fine
with all of this?!
Huh?!
What about you?
What about me?
You're fine with your sons
dressing up like fairies
for all of Long Island to see?
First of all, it's not in front
of all of Long Island, okay?
There's 40 people in the school's
cafe-gym-a-torium, all right?
Second of all,
do you hear yourself?!
Aren't you embarrassed
to talk that way?!
- What way?!
- You know!
Your old stupid ideas
that you and your lodge buddies
sit around and laugh at
between bouts of gas.
Don't say nothing
about my lodge buddies!
Who, the guys you swim
naked with?
That's lodge policy!
Yeah, all right.
Is it "lodge policy" to force
your opinions on other people?
Look, they're my kids, I'll raise them
the way I want to raise them...
and what is that smell?!
He didn't shower today,
so he used my Jean Nat?.
What?!
You never look at what
you're picking up in there.
Really? You're wearing
perfume, Dad?
Shut up!
You do smell purty, Pa.
Well, I'm not so sure I like
the way I'm being treated here.
If any of you
want to apologize to me,
I'll be in the bath!
Who's going to apologize
to the tub?
Oh, you made him so angry,
Raymond.
- Yeah.
- You should do that more often!
- I'm proud of you, honey.
- Yeah, well, you know.
- It's enough already.
- I know.
I tell you, Frank would
probably have been happy
if I had signed the kids up
to run the tape recorder.
What do you mean
"sign them up"?
Yeah, I signed them up.
Well, what do you mean?
You volunteered them to be fairies?
Yeah.
Why?
'Cause I thought
it would be cute
to see them wear sparkly outfits
and get a chance to dance.
Do they have wands?
I could make them wands.
- Yeah.
- Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
You made them fairies when there was
an opening at tape recorder?
Yeah.
Well, why would you
do that?!
What are you talking about?
You said you were fine with it.
I'm not saying that
I'm not fine with it, all right?
- I am, I'm fine with it.
- You don't sound fine with it.
That's 'cause I didn't know
we had a choice.
I didn't know you pushed
them into this.
I didn't push them.
I thought they would like it.
And they do.
They're having fun.
Y-yeah, fun.
They're five, okay?
They have fun with the empty roll
from the toilet paper.
Why are you
getting so upset?
You know, you're sounding
like your father.
I'm not my father, okay?
This is not about that.
This is about you making decisions
for our children
that don't involve...
their free will!
Oh, so you're worried
about their free will?
No, he's not.
Why are you
still here?
Free will.
Maybe you're more
like your father than you think.
Hey! Look!
I am not prejudiced!
You just don't want
you boys to be fairies.
Listen to me.
If my children come home
and say, "Hey, Dad, we decided
to be fairies in the school play,"
I say, "Good for you!" Good, guys.
Let's go have a root beer, huh?
All right? My father doesn't do that.
I'm not my father.
- What?!
- You're going to give them a root beer?
Yes, that's right!
I'm going... yes!
You know what?
You are worse than your father
because at least
he's upfront with it.
You pretend to be liberal,
but the truth is,
you're embarrassed
that your boys are playing fairies.
- Ahem... bull's-eye!
- Hey, shut up!
All right,
just shut up.
I tried to make
Raymond sensitive, Debra.
Ma, don't you start, okay?
I took you to museums
and I gave you piano lessons.
And I even had his hair cut
at my beauty parlor.
But there's still
some of his father in him.
He got the moron gene.
I'm going to stop it before
it gets to Michael and Geoffrey.
You see, that's exactly
what I'm talking about.
Who says you get to make
all the decisions in this house, huh?!
You know, they're my boys too,
all right?!
Why don't you worry
a little bit more about the girl?
- Ally.
- I know her name!
And you know what?
As far as the boys are concerned,
maybe there's such a thing
as too liberal!
Ms. "Hippie
Go-Free-Free"!
Michael! Geoffrey!
Come on down here!
- Hey, what's going on?
- No, don't you worry.
- What are you doing?
- Ba-ba, ba-ba-ba. I got it.
Guys, come here.
Listen...
Daddy pulled
a few strings
and got you better parts
in the play, okay?
Now, here are
your new costumes.
They're rocks?
No, boulders!
These are great parts,
guys, huh?
Best parts in the whole play!
The mighty boulders!
You didn't even tell them
they could be boulders.
- So what do they do?
- They guard the entrance to the castle.
- Do they have lines?
- No, but here's the thing, guys,
you know the part
where the prince comes home
weary from his long journey?
Well, he's going to come over
and rest on one of you guys.
And then, while he's resting
on one of you guys,
he puts his knapsack
right on the other guy.
And it's a heavy knapsack,
but you are a boulder!
- So they just sit there?
- Only for the whole play.
It's a good part. It's great
and they're perfect for it.
Come on, let's try them on, guys. Sit
down, sit down.
Sit, sit.
Oh, you look
awesome!
I'm proud
of you guys!
Ray, you made them scenery!
- How you guys doing in there?!
- I'm scared!
Me too!
Okay, come on.
Come on.
That's enough for today,
all right?
Maybe we'll poke
a few holes in there
for light...
and air.
Daddy, can I
put my wings on?
Well, actually Daddy's got to bring
the wings back to school now.
I like my wings.
Me too.
But rocks
don't have wings.
Huh?
And if you're a rock,
you get... you're going
to be smooth and cool.
Which will come in real handy later
with the ladies.
You're smooth.
You're cool.
- I want to be a fairy!
- Me too!
Well... listen,
maybe Ms. Sarah will let
you have candy under there.
Ray, take them back.
How would you guys
like a puppy under there?
- Ray!
- All right!
- Ms. Sarah.
- Oh hi, Mr. Barone.
- Did you bring the wings back?
- Yeah.
- I need the wings.
- Well... here's the thing.
The rock idea
really didn't fly.
But I thought you said
your boys dreamed of being rocks.
Ah, kids and their dreams.
But I think it would be okay if they
just went back to being fairies.
Actually, I've already
got two new fairies. I'm sorry.
Oh.
Well, you know what? How about...
you could have four fairies.
Two over there,
a couple more over there.
For my money, you can never
have too many fairies.
You know what? Maybe your boys
would like to work behind the scenes.
They could help Josh
with the tape recorder.
Oh, well, you know.
The thing is...
they actually kind
of want to be fairies.
Well, to be honest
with you,
I'm not so sure Michael and Geoffrey
are quite cut out to be fairies.
What do you mean?
Well they were having some problems
following the choreography.
Really? They looked good
from what I saw.
Actually, they...
no.
They just kind of...
run around
and I can't seem to get them
to follow the music.
Well, maybe they just need
a little more practice. That's all.
Well, we've been
rehearsing for a week.
They just don't seem to have
the proper coordination.
I'm sorry.
Oh, okay,
let's see the first light cue
for the prince's entrance.
Wait, you're joking, right?
'Cause my boys, they're coordinated.
You know, I play
ball with them.
You should see them.
They run, they catch, they hit it.
I'm sure they're
great at sports,
but this is just
a little more complicated.
What?
Dancing?
No, no, no.
Come on, they can do this.
Four fairies.
Come on, I see it.
I see it right there,
huh?
It makes the show.
Well, I want to be fair
to Michael and Geoffrey.
And the two new fairies,
well, they're just...
a little lighter
on their feet.
Well, my boys
are very light.
The doors at the A&P
don't even open for them.
But the two
new ones
are really
quite good.
So... is this
the school system now?
We just settle
for "quite good"?
All right.
- Guys... you ready?
- Yeah!
Okay.
"Just as the prince
had given up hope,
and thought he was lost
in the forest forever,
he heard a rustling
in the trees.
It was the magical fairies."
No, no, no. Stop it.
Stop it. All right,
come here. Stop it.
Stop it.
Stop bouncing.
Okay, stop it!
Guys, stop!
Stop, stop,
stop, stop!
All right,
pretty good.
Lot of energy.
Good, good energy.
Let's take it down
a notch, all right?
You got to remember,
fairies, they're...
happy and light,
all right?
Not so much...
No, no. They're not
like that, okay?
So let's try it again. This time,
stay together and just remember
try to be...
be graceful, okay?
Make believe
you're flying, okay?
Happy and light. All right,
right from the top, all right?
- Okay, guys, you ready?!
- Yeah.
Just as the prince
had given up hope,
and thought he was lost
in the forest forever,
he heard a rustling
in the trees!
It was
the magical fairies!
No, you're not airplanes, guys!
Come on, you're not airplanes.
Now cut, cut.
Cut, guys, cut! "Cut" means
to stop! Cut, stop. Stop!
That's not funny,
all right?
It's going to be funny
when you're up there
and you're the worst fairies
of the play. Is that going to be funny?
Now, come on.
I've seen the
other fairies, guys.
They put you away,
all right?
Now you got to...
you got to know the moves!
Otherwise, what?
I'm not going to tape it.
I'm not going to videotape it
if you're...
I want you guys to be
the best fairies, all right?
So here's
what I want you to do
'cause you're not going
to get by on your looks.
It's not, "Oh, look at the twins
with the blond hair."
That doesn't cut it
anymore, all right?
So listen, instead of...
holding your arms
out straight,
try flapping them.
Flap them, yeah.
Okay, not so hard though.
Not so hard though, okay?
Gentle, gentle.
Yeah, see?
That's it.
This is how you fly.
It's how you float.
Feel the air.
The air is under your wings.
All right, good.
Now, instead of running,
why don't
you guys... skip?
Try to skip.
Yeah.
Try to skip.
That's good.
Lightly, lightly.
Like, you know,
...glide. Glide.
Glide.
Good, all right.
Now let's try it on our toes.
On our tippy toes.
The tippy toes.
Yeah, that's it.
Feel it. You're flying.
Like you're flying.
I'm flying,
I'm flying, I'm flying.
I'm flying! I'm flying! I...
Holy crap!
Marie!
I hope you're happy!
All right, guys,
no pressure, okay?
Don't be nervous.
Michael, where's your wand?
- What did you do with your wand?
- You have it, Daddy.
Oh, right, right.
Okay, here.
Hey, do you mind?
We're on in a minute here.
Mr. Barone, wouldn't
you be more comfortable
sitting in the audience
with the rest of the parents?
No, you know what?
I'm good right here.
Okay. Well let's go,
everybody.
- Okay, good luck, boys.
- All right, guys, this is it.
You're on, okay?
Come on, places now.
Hey, don't forget
the twirly finish!
Curtain up.
"Once upon a time,
there was a prince
who was lost in the forest.
Just as the prince
had given up hope,
and thought he was lost
in the forest forever,
he heard a rustling
in the trees.
It was...
the magical fairies."