Everybody Loves Raymond (1996–2005): Season 4, Episode 13 - Bully on the Bus - full transcript

- Oh, hey guys.
- Yeah.

Don't mind me.
I'm just gonna...

live here.

- Hey, monkey.
- Hey.

- Sorry I'm late.
- Yeah.

I'd ask how
your day was

but I just walked past
500 lbs. Of bad day on the couch.

Yeah. And your father
was in our yard today

with his metal detector.

Aw, you're kidding.

- Did he dig again?
- Yep, four-foot hole.



Found a nickel.

I should sprinkle
a roll of quarters out there.

He'll dig us a pool.

What else?
What else happened?

Oh, some kid on Ally's bus
has been picking on her.

- Do you want two pieces of chicken or...
- Wait a minute.

- Somebody's picking on Ally?
- It's nothing.

- Some kid calling her names.
- Oh, no.

Well what kind of name
does he call her?

It's nothing.
Kid stuff.

Kids are the worst.

All right. What bad thing
rhymes with Ally?

Pally? Crally?
Schnally?

- Finale?
- Yeah, Ray...



This is how
bullies work, Debra.

They find a word that
rhymes with your name

and then you're that
until college.

Trust me. I grew up
with the name Raymond.

What rhymes
with Raymond?

How about, Layman, Gayman,
Go-away-man?

I still don't see
the humor.

Oh, did you
do that yourself?

They're coming!

Guess what Debra
just told me.

To come in here
and flap your gums

when there's two minutes
left in the game.

Some kid's
been bullying Ally.

What are you
talking about?

Who? Who is it?
Who's doing it?

I don't know.
Some older kid.

He's picking on her,
calling her names.

Oh, boy.

Well, at least Ally's name doesn't rhyme
with anything bathroom related.

Unless...

No no, you're clear.

This really
bunches my shorts.

What, you care?

Hey we're talking about
my granddaughter here.

- Of course I care.
- Like you cared when we got bullied?

"Stop crying,
people are looking at us."

Yeah.
"These aren't my kids."

You never helped us.

Ally's a girl, Nancy.

Deb, what's this about Ally
being picked on?

She's fine.

It's just some boy
on her bus.

- A boy?
- All right.

Let's get him.

Wait, what...
what do you mean?

We'll figure something
out in the car. Let's roll.

Yeah, I can run a check
to see if the family

has any outstanding
warrants.

Ray...

Can't we even run a check?

Listen, that's
really nice,

but you guys don't have to saddle up
and form a posse.

- Debra doesn't get it.
- What? What don't I get?

What it's like
to be picked on.

Oh yeah,
you were popular.

Yeah, we know what a big deal this is
to Ally 'cause we went though it.

- Especially on the bus.
- Oh, the bus.

Wedgies, wet willies.

Who's Wet Willie?

They would wet their finger
and stick it in your ear.

It was chilly.

Hey, get away
from that there!

You're supposed to warn
me when he's next to me.

What?

Why are you
still here, Frank?

You said you were coming
across the street

- to read the twins a bedtime story.
- I did.

And when Hansel and Gretel
got away from the witch,

I got inspired
and stayed here.

Hey Ma, did you hear?
Ally's being bullied.

- What?
- Yeah, some kid named Todd Feeney.

Feeney? Got it.
I'll take care of it.

Wait, what do you mean?
Wait wait wait.

- "Take care of it"?
- I'll call his mother.

Don't worry.
I'm very good at this.

All right, wait.
Listen, Ally will be fine.

She's a very strong
little girl.

No she's not.
She's got arms like twigs.

I didn't mean...

Look, I appreciate
that you all care about her.

I do, but enough,
really.

What are we supposed
to do, nothing?

Yes, Ray, nothing.

How about we don't interfere
and let her live her own life?

Maybe we could
set an example.

An example for who?

- Hey, Ally, waiting for the bus?
- Yeah.

I didn't get a chance to say have
a good day before, you know,

with Mommy all around.
So, I thought I'd come out here.

- So, have a good day, there.
- Okay.

Hey, who is this?
Todd Feeney?

No.

- This Todd Feeney?
- No.

Now that I'm all the way out here,
why don't I wait for the bus with you?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Great, good.

Waiting for
the old school bus.

I remember this.

A long time ago, though.

I remember waiting
for the bus

to be invented.

That's how long ago
that was.

You know what else
I remember as a kid?

That not all the kids
were nice.

- Bye, Daddy.
- Wait, Ally.

I wanted to also
tell you that...

Okay, bye, Ally.
Have fun.

I love you.

Hey, I'm sorry,
did I get you?

No no no,
not really.

Hi, I'm Ally's
dad, Ray.

Nice to meet you,
I'm Dottie.

Hi. Nice looking ride
you got here.

Thanks.

You need something?

Yeah, no no, I just
wanted to say good morning.

And, oh, one thing.

I heard something
about a little problem

between Ally
and another child.

- Oh, yeah, right.
- Okay great.

Good, I just wanted
to make sure

that you were aware
of the situation.

- I am.
- Okay.

Okay, good.

Do you want to ride
with us today?

Oh, no.

No no no.

No no, yeah?
Yeah?

Behind the white line.

- Hi, honey.
- What are you doing?

Going for a ride.

Hi there.
Mind if I sit with you?

Saved.

What?

Saved.

Oh.

Oh, okay, fair enough.

Is this saved also?

Okay, look, is that
allowed, 'cause...

I can't drive until
everyone's seated.

She won't let me!

So, another day, huh?
Another day, right?

Yeah, school sucks.

Like math.
Give me a break.

When are you ever
gonna use that?

How 'bout never?

Hey, do you know which kid
is Todd Feeney?

Hello.

Look, how 'bout
I give you a dollar

if you tell me
which one Todd is?

Okay.
Thank you.

You had your
chance, missy.

Did you fail the sixth grade
like a thousand times or something?

No.

Okay, well, thanks for
letting me ride along.

Kinda wish there had been some bullying
so I could have put a stop to it.

Oh, she would never do anything
with you on the bus.

She? No, I'm talking
about Todd Feeney.

Todd Feeney?

All he's ever done is defend
his little sister Judy.

- What?
- Ally's been picking on Judy Feeney.

Ally? My Ally?
Ally Barone?

Yeah.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

This one?
The little ballerina here?

Yeah yeah.
They're all angels.

Are you sure that it's Ally
making the trouble?

'Cause if you're looking in that mirror,
everything's reversed.

Judy Feeney wears these
big thick glasses

and your little Ally
says she looks like an owl.

Okay, well...

So she, uh,
hoots at her.

And she goes "Judy Hooty,
she's got cooties."

Oh.

The kids like to find a word
that rhymes with someone's name.

And when they do,
they just never let up.

I know, I know.

Hey. I thought you left for work
without kissing me goodbye.

I rode the bus to school
today with Ally.

- You did?
- Yes.

And Ally's the bully.

- What?
- Dottie told me...

Wait wait wait, Dottie?

The bus driver,
take an interest.

Anyway, she told me
that Ally has been picking on

this little girl with big glasses,
calling her an owl.

"Judy Hooty."
Rhyming.

Huh.

That's your reaction
to your daughter's a bully, huh?

No, it's not right
and I'll talk to her.

That's it?

You seem pretty
laissez-faire about this.

Laissez-faire?

She's just being a kid.
That's what kids do, honey.

No, not all kids.

Not me, not Robert,
not little Judy Hooty,

who's been accused
of having cooties.

I think you're
overreacting.

I don't think you know
your daughter.

Yeah yeah,
cute little face, blonde hair.

That's her cover!

Right, she seems harmless,
okay, yeah.

She's like the fish that
disguises itself as a rock,

you know, and then
you swim by... blaugh!

She's a normal kid, Ray.

No, normal kids don't
pick on other kids.

What are you
talking about?

You were a kid,
you know.

The bus, the playground,
those are all tough places.

Well it turns out they weren't
so tough until she showed up.

Oh, please, Ray.

That's right,
just walk away.

I don't like
to point a finger,

but she's this way
because of you.

- Excuse me?
- That's right, you heard me.

You're the role model
for her, not me.

- I'm not the woman here.
- Oh no?

Ah, see, right there.
That's what I'm talking about.

That attitude. That smarty-pants,
stick-up-for-yourself,

don't-take-any-crap-
from-anybody...

You're accusing me of teaching
my daughter to be self-confident?

That's right! Every jerk I ever met
was self-confident.

Yeah, not every jerk.

Listen, I know the idea
of being independent

is very different than
the way your mother raised you...

Hey hey hey, never mind what
my mother did, okay?

At least I didn't turn out
pushy and mean like...

What?
Me?

You think I'm pushy
and mean?

You want to push me
right now, don't you?

Yeah, you'd
probably tattle.

Boy, I'll tell you.
Good thing we didn't know each other

when we were little.
I wouldn't have liked you.

I wouldn't have
liked you either, okay?

Yeah, standing in your
little groups at school

making fun of the kid whose mom
showed up with his snowpants.

Snowpants!

There was a good
chance of snow!

See, you're bringing Ally
into the family business.

Debra Barone's Ass Kicking
Incorporated!

Pushing people down
since 1972!

Yeah yeah yeah.

That's better than working at Ray's
House of Wuss.

You want her to be totally
dependent on you.

- No I don't!
- You rode her bus today!

Yeah, you taught her
to be self-confident

and now she's hanging
kids out the bus window by their ankles.

I told you that I would
talk to her

about picking on
that little girl when she gets home.

No, you don't talk to her,
you'll spin it. I'll talk to her.

Don't you have to go
to work or someplace?

Yeah. And you can forget
about the kiss goodbye.

Oh no, what'll I do?

- You'll miss it, baby!
- Oh yeah.

Hey, Layman, Gayman,
Go-away-man!

Bully!

You bully!

Relax relax.

Debra, Debra,
lovely wife.

Why am I stuck with you
for life?

Sounds like you've had
that one for a while.

Maybe, why, what?
You want one off the top of my head?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

You're a stupid idiot
stinker BM!

Ally?

What are you doing?
Trying to get to her before I can?

No. What are you doing
looking outside?

I was looking...
for your information,

there's a shrubbery
thief going around.

Aw, crap!

We were just on our way
to the market, and l...

- what's wrong?
- Nothing, what do you mean?

I sense tension
and anger.

Maybe you're picking up
your own scent.

We're fine, Marie.

Raymond?

Ally's the one that's been
bullying the kids on the bus.

- Oh my...
- Oh yeah?

Good for her!

What did she do?

Never mind,
and it's not good.

Hey, there you are!
Hey, tiger!

All right, all right,
Frank, Frank.

Honey, I need you to come over here
and sit down for a minute.

"Ally bomaye!
Ally bomaye!"

Stop it, Frank.

Have you been picking on
other children?

Marie!

Ally, Dottie told me that you've
been making fun of Judy Feeney.

Why were you
on my bus today?

Because Daddy loves
you very much.

Yech!

All the kids were making fun
of me on the ride home.

Which ones?
Give me their names.

- Look what you did.
- They were making fun of you?

Yes, they kept saying
"Baby Ally and her dorky daddy."

You're dorky Daddy.

Honey, I'm sorry.
Look I was just trying... I didn't know...

Do I have to ride
on the bus tomorrow?

Look, sweetie, in a couple
of days those kids will forget about it

and they'll move on
to something else.

I'm gonna make up
a mean song about Judy!

- Oh honey, we don't sing mean songs.
- All right, Marie, please.

Ally, I know I told you
to stick up for yourself...

But, but...

Yeah, so, I'm gonna
make fun of Judy Hooty

and then all the other
kids will laugh at her.

You're doing a good job
with her.

Honey, we need
to talk, okay?

- Okay, you want to?
- No, you go ahead. You were right.

You should do it.

Okay.

Um...

Okay, honey,

you see you saw today

that it's not fun
to get picked on, right?

And, um, you know, there are
a lot of bad kids out there

and you should stop
being one.

Don't say that.

- What?
- You just said she was a bad kid.

- I did not.
- Yes you did. You just said...

All right, fine!

There are a lot
of great kids out there,

and you should try
to be like them.

All right, Ray, stop.
What Daddy's trying to say...

You don't have to
interpret for me.

- What Mommy is trying to say...
- Ray!

See? You don't
like it.

Do you understand what
I'm trying to say, Ally?

There's a kind of fish
that looks like a rock...

Oh, Ray, would you stop?
My God.

Do you think I'm bad?

- No!
- No no!

- We're bad. We're the bad ones.
- No no no!

Nobody's bad, Ray!
You don't say that!

- I'm saying she's not bad!
- If you'd read a book once in a while

- you'd know how to talk to her!
- Read a book, yeah.

I make a living, that's
why I don't read a book.

All right, enough.

Sweetie, what you did
to Judy was bad.

Now Daddy and I...

see, the thing is...

You want me to be nice?

- Well, no...
- Yes yes! We want you to be nice.

Yes, great.
Yes, nice!

- Okay.
- Okay!

- Okay, good.
- Yeah.

Can I go downstairs
and watch TV?

- Sure.
- Yeah.

- Go ahead.
- Go, go watch TV. Have some fun.

- Nice, be nice.
- Be a nice little girl.

Hey, nice, see that?
Came up with that all by herself, hmm?

- Well, not really.
- What, she just came up with it.

Aw come on.
Be nice, that's my whole thing.

Idiot.

See?
Oh, I feel sorry for you.

- That's a good one.
- Yeah. Here's one you can use.

"Debra Debra,
real good looking,

never want to try
her cooking."

- That's a good one!
- Yeah yeah.

- Is that yours?
- I made it up right now.

Hey, what are
you guys doing?

- Hi, nothing. How are you?
- Good.

Let's do one
about her butt.