Everybody Loves Raymond (1996–2005): Season 2, Episode 13 - Civil War - full transcript

HEY, BYE, GUYS, HAVE
FUN AT THE HAPPY ZONE.

DON'T FORGET, RUN AROUND
A LOT AND GET VERY TIRED.

OK.

SAY GOODBYE TO DADDY, KIDS.

BYE-BYE, DADDY.

GOODBYE, DADDY.

BYE-BYE. BYE.

YEAH, DADDY'S REALLY
GOING TO MISS US.

WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I AM.

I JUST... I GOT A
TON OF STUFF TO DO.

OH, YEAH, OK, FINE, BYE.



OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

HELLO.

ANYBODY HOME?

OH, SON OF A...

RAYMOND?

HELLO?

HEY.

RAYMOND, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M... I'M PLAYING HIDE-AND-SEEK
WITH THE KIDS HERE.

OOH, HIDE-AND-SEEK. MOVE OVER.

HI, I'M RAY, AND I LIVE
HERE IN LONG ISLAND

WITH MY WIFE, DEBRA,

MY 6-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER
AND TWIN 2-YEAR OLD BOYS.

WHEE!



MY PARENTS

LIVE ACROSS THE
STREET. THAT'S RIGHT.

AND MY BROTHER LIVES WITH 'EM.

NOW, NOT EVERY FAMILY
WOULD DEFY GRAVITY FOR YOU,

BUT MINE WOULD BECAUSE...

EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND.

HEY, YOU DIDN'T, UH...

WHAT'S THIS?

OH, THAT'S THE INVITATION

TO TOM AND MARY ANNE'S
BABY SHOWER THIS WEEKEND.

BABY SHOWER?

WHY IS IT ADDRESSED
TO BOTH OF US?

'CAUSE YOU'RE INVITED,
TOO. IT'S FOR COUPLES.

COUPLES?

WELL, SINCE WHEN DOES
THE GUY HAVE TO GO TO THAT?

OH, COME ON, THEY'RE
SCREWING WITH NATURE NOW.

WELL, YOU KNOW,
IT'S THEIR FIRST BABY.

THEY'RE STILL EXCITED.

"DEAR RAY AND DEBRA,

WE HOPE EACH OF OUR GUESTS
WILL MAKE A PRESENTATION."

WHAT?

"YOU CAN RECITE
A POEM, DO A SKIT.

"THE PROUD PARENTS WILL TAPE IT

AS A TRIBUTE FOR THE CHILD."

TRIBUTE? OH! WHO'S SHE
GOT IN THERE, GANDHI?

I CAN'T GO BY MYSELF.
YOU GOT TO COME WITH ME.

DEBRA, I GOT THE TWINS DOWN,

AND I MADE YOUR BED, AND
I HUNG UP SOME CLOTHES.

I TELL YOU SO YOU
WON'T BE SHOCKED LATER.

WHAT IS THAT?

IT'S MY DAD AND HIS
CRAZY FRIEND HARRY,

AND THEY'RE RUNNING
AT OUR HOUSE.

MARIE, WATER.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, DAD?

ATTACKING YOUR HOUSE.

HARRY GOT YOUR FATHER BACK
INTO THE CIVIL WAR REENACTING.

DAMN GLAD I DID.

I'M PROUD TO LEAD THIS
BEAUTIFUL BASTARD INTO BATTLE.

SO YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE GUYS

WHO, LIKE, GETS
DRESSED UP IN UNIFORMS

AND RECREATES BATTLES AND...

I LIKE WAR.

YOUR FATHER'S A LIEUTENANT.

IT'S MAKE-BELIEVE, MA.

HE COULD BE LINCOLN
IF HE WANTED TO.

AH, MISS MARIE.

HELLO, HARRY.

PLEASE, MA'AM, CALL ME JEB.

OH, WELL.

HELLO, JEB.

YOU ARE A SIGHT FOR SORE EYES.

AND MINE ARE PRETTY SORE.

DAD, WHAT ARE YOU GETTING
BACK INTO THIS NOW FOR?

NEXT WEEKEND IS OUR
BIG 25TH ANNIVERSARY.

WE'RE REENACTING OUR REENACTMENT
OF THE BATTLE OF GETTYSBURG.

HEY, RAY, ABOUT NEXT
WEEKEND, I WAS WONDERING...

WAIT A MINUTE. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

4:00 ALREADY. I GOT TO CALL
THAT GUY, THE DARN GUY. DARN IT.

WHAT GUY?

THE DARN GUY, ABOUT
THE THING WITH THE, UH...

THE OTHER GUY. GET IN HERE.

GOOD COVER, RAY.
YOU'RE BRILLIANT AT THIS.

MY FATHER'S ABOUT
TO ASK ME TO GO

TO THIS WAR THING.
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

WELL, TELL HIM YOU CAN'T DO IT.

I CAN'T JUST TURN HIM DOWN.
LOOK HOW EXCITED HE IS.

NO, I GOT TO TELL HIM I'M...
I'M GOING SOMEWHERE ELSE.

WELL, YOU ARE GOING
SOMEWHERE ELSE.

YOU'RE GOING TO THE BABY SHOWER.

OH.

HEY!

WHAT IF I TELL HIM I'M
GOING TO THE BABY SHOWER?

RIGHT? HE GOES TO HIS
THING, YOU GO TO YOUR THING,

AND I MAKE SURE THAT
THINGS ARE GOOD HERE.

HEY, NO.

HEY, RAY, UH, WE'RE
GOING TO GET GOIN',

BUT, UH, I WANTED TO ASK
YOU ABOUT NEXT WEEKEND.

YEAH, NEXT WEEKEND I'M
GOING TO A BABY SHOWER.

WHAT?

YEAH.

IT'S FOR COUPLES. THAT'S
HOW THEY DO IT NOW.

WELL, I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU,
SINCE I'M GOING TO BE AT WAR,

IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND
TAKING OUT MY RECYCLABLES.

THAT'S WHAT YOU
WANTED TO ASK ME?

YEAH.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT MY SON'S
DOIN' WHILE I'M OUT FIGHTIN'?

HE'S GOIN' TO A BABY SHOWER.

OH, YEAH?

BACK IN CIVIL WAR DAYS,

WE HAD NAMES FOR GUYS LIKE YOU.

THEY'RE PRETTY MUCH LIKE THE
NAMES WE HAVE FOR YOU TODAY.

ALL RIGHT. THIS HOUSE IS SECURE.

I WANT LUNCH.

MAY I ESCORT YOU ACROSS
THE STREET, MISS MARIE?

THANK YOU, JEB.
WHAT A GENTLEMAN.

HEY, IF YOU'RE GONNA ACT LIKE

YOU'RE STEALING HER
AWAY, DON'T TEASE ME.

STEAL HER AWAY!

HAVE A NICE SHOWER, NANCY.

HEY, RAY, LISTEN, I WAS THINKING
ABOUT WHAT WE COULD DO

FOR OUR PRESENTATION
FOR THE BABY SHOWER.

OH, I WAS THINKIN'
ABOUT THAT, TOO.

OH, YEAH? YEAH.

HERE'S WHAT I WAS THINKING. WE
GET UP THERE IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY,

THIS WILL BE GREAT,

AND THEN I PUT AN
AXE THROUGH MY HEAD.

ALL RIGHT?

THEN YOU DO THE
PRESENTATION BY YOURSELF,

BECAUSE, THANK GOD, I'M DEAD.

YOU KNOW, AS
MUCH AS I LIKE THAT,

IT'S GOING TO BE
TOUGH TO FOLLOW.

PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO.

LOOK, AS BAD AS THIS
SHOWER MIGHT BE,

IT DOESN'T EVEN COMPARE
TO YOUR DAD'S CIVIL WAR THING.

THINK ABOUT YOUR POOR BROTHER.

YEAH.

WHY?

HE'S GOING TO IT.

I MEAN, CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING
STUCK IN A TENT WITH YOUR DAD?

THAT'S WHERE YOU NEED THE AXE.

WAIT A MINUTE. ROBERT'S
GOING TO THIS THING?

YEAH.

MY DAD ASKED HIM TO GO?

UH, YEAH, YOUR MOM TOLD ME.

WHAT? ROBERT'S SO GREAT?

NO, I DON'T THINK THAT...

AND I GET THE RECYCLING.

HE DOESN'T EVEN ASK ME. I MEAN,

MY FATHER SHOULD
ASK ME, SHOULDN'T HE?

WHY DIDN'T HE ASK?

WELL, WOULD YOU HAVE GONE?

OF COURSE NOT.

BUT WHY DOES HE WANT
ROBERT TO GO AND NOT ME?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

RAY, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT
YOU'D BE FEELING SO...

WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU'RE NOT ACTING ALL HURT

JUST SO I'LL TELL YOU
SHOULD GO WITH YOUR DAD

SO THAT YOU CAN GET OUT
OF THE BABY SHOWER, ARE YOU?

I'M NOT THAT SMART.

HEY.

HEY.

HMM.

OH, MAN, IT'S PRETTY
COLD OUT THERE.

WHAT IS THAT? BREAKFAST?

AN AUTHENTIC CIVIL
WAR BREAKFAST.

YOUR MOTHER MAKES
A HELL OF A JERKY.

YEAH. YOU COULD SWEAR THAT
THIS WAS MADE IN 1863, HUH?

SO YOU GUYS ARE REALLY LOOKING
FORWARD TO THIS REENACTMENT THING, HUH?

I CAN'T WAIT. VIOLENCE
WITHOUT PAPERWORK.

SO I GUESS EVERYBODY
WHO SIGNED UP...

WHAT, ARE THEY, THEY'RE
ALREADY SIGNED UP ALREADY?

YEAH. WHY?

I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

YOU WANT TO GO TO
THE REENACTMENT?

YOU ASKIN' ME?

YOU WANT TO GO?

I DON'T KNOW. YOU ASKIN' ME?

IF I ASK YOU, WOULD YOU GO?

ARE YOU ASKING RAYMOND?

I DON'T KNOW. DOES
HE WANT TO GO?

WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME?

DO YOU WANT TO GO?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I'LL GO!

THANK YOU FOR ASKIN'.

ALL RIGHT, I GOT TO
GO OVER TO HARRY'S

AND TELL HIM WE NEED
ANOTHER UNIFORM.

CAN'T YOU CALL HIM?

NO. IN HIS WORLD,

THE PHONE WON'T BE INVENTED
FOR ANOTHER 13 YEARS.

WHAT?

YOU REALLY WANT TO DO THIS, HUH?

WELL,

YOU'RE GOING.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO?

YEAH, YEAH.

NO BED,

NO HEAT,

NO SHOWER.

WEATHER REPORT FOR
NEXT WEEKEND: SNOW.

ALL RIGHT.

MEALS ARE HARDTACK, JERKY,

AND WHATEVER WATER YOU
CAN WRING OUT OF YOUR SOCKS.

SO YOU'RE THIS BIG
CIVIL WAR FREAK NOW,

JUST BECAUSE DAD ASKED
YOU TO GO FIRST, RIGHT?

HE DIDN'T ASK ME.

WHAT?

HE DIDN'T ASK ME.

SINCE WHEN DOES DAD ASK
US TO DO ANYTHING WITH HIM?

I HAD TO ENLIST.

OH, GOD, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

I ONLY DID THIS BECAUSE...

BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT
HE ASKED ME AND NOT YOU.

AND NOW YOU HAVE TO GO.

HEY, BETTER BRING A NEWSPAPER.

THEY HAD NEWSPAPERS THEN.

THEY DIDN'T HAVE TOILET PAPER.

DEBRA.

HMM?

NEWSDAY OR USA TODAY?

WHICH IS SOFTER?

I DON'T KNOW.

I'LL BRING THEM BOTH.
I'LL READ ONE OF THEM.

WHAT'S ALL THAT STUFF?

IT'S FOR THAT REENACTMENT THING.

I GOT TO GO TO MY FATHER'S
HOUSE TOMORROW AND GET READY.

OH, WHAT ARE YOU BRINGING?

ESSENTIALS. YOU
KNOW, STUFF FOR WAR.

RICE KRISPIES TREATS?

I DON'T THINK THEY HAD
THOSE IN THE CIVIL WAR.

I NEVER READ THAT ANYWHERE.

ITTY BITTY BOOK LIGHT?

ALL RIGHT, TAKE IT EASY, OK?

I GOT TO GET READY.

IT'S A WEEK AWAY. I THOUGHT
YOU WERE DREADING THIS THING.

I AM DREADING IT. THE WAR PART.

THE WAR PART.
WHAT ELSE IS THERE?

WELL, THERE'S MY FATHER.

YOU KNOW, IT'S THE
WEIRDEST THING.

AT FIRST, I JUST
WANTED TO GET ASKED.

WELL, YOU KNOW, WE NEVER
DID STUFF TOGETHER, ME AND HIM.

NOW I JUST KIND OF
WANT TO GO WITH HIM.

REALLY? YEAH.

WAR MAKES PEOPLE
DO CRAZY THINGS.

HELLO?

HEY, RAY, WE'RE DOWN
HERE IN THE BASEMENT.

YEAH, COME ON DOWN, RAY.

CHECK YOUR SKIRT AT THE DOOR.

HEY, DID HARRY DROP
OFF MY UNIFORM?

HE'S ON HIS WAY OVER NOW.

I WAS JUST ABOUT TO SHOW ROBERT

HOW TO ACT WHEN YOU GET SHOT.

WHAT, LIKE UPSET?

NO. NO, IT'S GOT
TO BE REALISTIC.

HERE, LET ME SHOW YOU.

UH, ROBERT, MAKE
A GUNSHOT NOISE.

WHAT CALIBER, .22
OR, UH, WHAT, .45?

RAY. BANG.

I'M HIT.

KEEP FIGHTING, MEN.

KILL THOSE REBEL BASTARDS.

ABIGAIL.

DEAR ABIGAIL,

MY PRETTY, YOUNG,
NON-NAGGING CIVIL WAR WIFE.

OH, ABIGAIL.

SEE? GETTING SHOT IS FUN.

NOT IF YOU'RE WATCHING.

OH! HERE, I THINK I
PULLED EVERYTHING I HAVE.

GIVE ME A HAND.

THERE YOU GO.
YOU ALL RIGHT, DAD?

SURE, SURE, THANKS.

SEE? THAT'S WHAT
THE CIVIL WAR IS ABOUT.

FAMILIES COMING TOGETHER...

TO KILL OTHER FAMILIES.

AMEN.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT
JUST OCCURRED TO ME?

IF SOMEONE REALLY DIES,
YOU DON'T FIND OUT ABOUT IT

TILL THE CAR RIDE HOME.

LOOK AT THIS. LOOK AT
THIS OLD POCKET KNIFE.

IT'S GOT INITIALS ON
IT: "A.B." WHO'S A.B.?

ALBERT BARONE, MY FATHER.

OH, YEAH, HE GAVE THAT TO YOU?

YEAH, YEAH.

PRETTY COOL. WHEN...
WHEN DID HE GIVE YOU THIS?

WE WERE ALWAYS
CAMPING, HIKING, CANOEING.

GUESS HE GAVE IT TO ME
ON ONE OF THOSE TRIPS.

OH, YEAH? HEY, THIS IS HISTORY.

I CAN TAKE THIS ON THE
REENACTMENT WITH ME.

NO, NO.

THEY HAD NO KNIVES LIKE
THIS DURING THE CIVIL WAR.

EVERYTHING HAS TO BE
COMPLETELY AUTHENTIC.

SEE THESE PANTS? NO ZIPPER.

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.

GOOD MORNING, MEN!

MORNING, SIR!

HI.

YOU'LL BE PLEASED TO KNOW
THAT THE BATTLEFIELD IS OURS.

THE CARNIVAL AND THE
PETTING ZOO HAVE MOVED ON.

HERE'S YOUR UNIFORM.

WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.
THIS IS A DIFFERENT COLOR.

YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM?

OH, YEAH. THE, UH, THE
SOUTH'S SHORT OF A FEW GUYS,

SO YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE
TO FIGHT ON THEIR SIDE.

SOUTH? YEAH.

COME ON, I DON'T WANT
TO FIGHT ON THE SOUTH.

I WANT TO BE WITH
YOU GUYS AT THIS THING.

A REBEL IN A UNION CAMP?

THAT IS OUT OF THE
QUESTION, SOLDIER.

I'M NOT A REBEL!

COME ON, I DON'T
KNOW THOSE GUYS.

I'M GOING TO BE ALL SHY.

DON'T MAKE ME SLAP YOU.

I'M NEVER GOING TO PASS
FOR A SOUTHERNER, OK?

WHAT IF THEY HEAR ME TALK?

MAYBE THEY'LL HANG YOU AS A SPY.

ROBERT, WANT TO GIVE ME A HAND?

I HAVE A CANNON IN
THE TRUNK OF MY CAR.

SIR, YES, SIR!

WAIT. ROBERT, TALK
TO THIS GUY, WILL YOU?

COME ON, I DON'T WANT
TO FIGHT FOR THE SOUTH.

I CAN'T EAT GRITS
AND SAY "Y'ALL."

I LIKE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE.

IT'S MORE AUTHENTIC.

BROTHER AGAINST BROTHER.

AH, MY FEET ARE KILLING ME.

I... I THINK THESE BOOTS
ARE A SIZE TOO SMALL.

TELL ME, WHAT'S IT SAY ON
THE BOTTOM OF MY RIGHT BOOT?

"LEFT."

AH, CRAP. WHAT'S IT
SAY ON THE OTHER ONE?

GUESS.

ALL RIGHT. HELP ME OFF
WITH THEM, WILL YOU?

DAD, YOU SURE I CAN'T BE
ON YOUR SIDE AT THIS THING?

I TOLD YOU, THE SOUTH'S
A FEW GUYS SHORT.

LOOK, TRY YANKING
FROM THE HEEL, OK?

YOU KNOW, I KIND OF
THOUGHT I'D BE ON YOUR SIDE

IN THIS THING, YOU
KNOW? WITH YOU.

LOOK, I KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT.

IF WE SHOULD COME
FACE TO FACE OUT THERE,

I'LL JUST SHOOT YOU
IN THE HAND, ALL RIGHT?

YOU'RE TWISTING. WHAT'S
THE MATTER WITH YOU?

EITHER I'M ON YOUR SIDE IN THIS
THING, OR I'M NOT GONNA GO, OK?

YOU CAN'T DESERT NOW.

THERE'S NO DESERT, DAD.
THERE'S NO WAR HERE!

IT'S JUST DRESSING UP IN
COSTUMES LIKE IT'S HALLOWEEN

WITH YOUR FRIEND
HARRY-SLASH-JEB.

YOU SHUT UP NOW.

THIS MEANS SOMETHING TO US.

THERE'S CAMARADERIE HERE.

THERE'S SPIRIT.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
ANYTHING ABOUT THIS!

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT FEELS
LIKE TO STAND ON A BATTLEFIELD

PRETENDING TO FIGHT FOR
SOMETHING YOU BELIEVE IN!

LOOK, I'M NOT... I'M NOT
TALKING ABOUT THAT, DAD, OK?

THEN WHY DO YOU WANT TO GO?

BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
TO BE WITH YOU!

WHY CAN'T YOU DO
SOMETHING WITH ME FOR ONCE?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT? WE DO STUFF.

WHAT DO WE DO EVER DO, DAD?
WHAT? WHAT DO WE EVER DO?

I CAN'T... I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU'RE GIVING ME ALL THIS GRIEF

JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT
ON MY SIDE IN THIS THING.

I'M SORRY I ASKED YOU TO GO.

YOU DIDN'T ASK ME TO GO.

YES, I DID! NO, YOU DIDN'T!

I SAID, "DO YOU WANT TO GO?"

YEAH, YOU SAID, "DO
YOU WANT TO GO?"

NOT, "DO YOU WANT TO GO,
BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO GO."

OH, MY GOD,

YOU ARE GOING TO GET PASSED AROUND
THE CAMPFIRE LIKE A BAG OF CHIPS.

ALL RIGHT. FORGET ABOUT IT,
THEN. FORGET IT, I WON'T GO.

YOU KNOW, I JUST... I... I
THOUGHT MAYBE YOU...

WE COULD DO SOMETHING
TOGETHER FOR ONCE,

YOU KNOW, LIKE YOU
DID WITH YOUR FATHER.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

DIDN'T YOU JUST TELL ME
HE GAVE YOU THE KNIFE?

HE... HE TOOK YOU HUNTING
AND FISHING AND CANOEING.

DIDN'T YOU JUST
TELL ME THAT, DAD?

OR WHAT, IS THAT
ALL PRETEND, TOO?

IT IS. IT IS, ISN'T IT?

ARE YOU GOING TO HELP ME OFF
WITH THE DAMN BOOTS, OR WHAT?

TURN... TURN THE
FOOT, DAD. TURN THE...

YOU KNOW,

I TRIED TO BE BETTER THAN HIM.

I KNOW, DAD. I KNOW.

LOOK, YOU'RE GOOD
AT THAT, AREN'T YOU?

DOING STUFF WITH YOUR KIDS.

I'M ALL RIGHT. I
COULD BE BETTER, TOO.

BUT THEY'LL PROBABLY
BE BETTER WITH THEIR KIDS,

SO WE'RE ON THE
RIGHT TRACK HERE.

YOUR GREAT-GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN

WILL PROBABLY BE
EXCELLENT PARENTS.

YEAH.

SO, UH, ARE YOU GOING TO COME
TO THIS THING WITH ME OR NOT?

ALL RIGHT. STOP ASKING.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
COME HERE, COME HERE.

I GOT TO TEACH YOU THE
CIVIL WAR HANDSHAKE.

YEAH? YEAH.

NOT LIKE THAT. YOU GOT TO
CLASP FOREARMS, LIKE THIS.

IT'S STRONGER.

LIKE THIS HERE?

YEAH. OK.

YOU'RE SHAKING HANDS
WITH A CONFEDERATE HERE.

YEAH. YOU DON'T HAVE
MUCH OF A GRIP THERE, NANCY.

DEBRA, DEBRA, YOU'VE
GOT TO SEE THIS. COME ON.

WE'RE JUST HERE TO SAY
FAREWELL TO OUR KINFOLK.

RAY, YOUR RIDE'S HERE.

LISTEN, IF I DON'T COME BACK,

IT'S BECAUSE I DIED
OF EMBARRASSMENT.

WELL, I DO DECLARE,

YOU LOOK SO VERY
FINE IN YOUR UNIFORM.

I BELIEVE I'VE GOT THE VAPORS.

WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT?

COME ON. I DON'T WANT
THEM TO START WITHOUT US.

THAT'S RIGHT. ALL THE GOOD
KILLING'S IN THE FIRST 5 MINUTES.

HEY, KIDS, WHEN I COME
BACK FROM THE WAR,

WE'RE GONNA GO TO
THE HAPPY ZONE, RIGHT?

I HOPE YOU WIN, DADDY.

DON'T BET ON IT, KID.

HEY, HERE, RAY, SIGN THIS
CARD FOR THE BABY SHOWER.

NO, SORRY, GOT TO GO.

OH, COME ON, WHAT AM I GOING
TO TELL TOM AND MARY ANNE?

FRANKLY, MY DEAR,

I DON'T GIVE A DAMN.

IDIOTS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
SHOT ME, ROBERT.

STOP TALKING, YOU'RE RUINING IT.

I GOT TO LIE HERE ALL AFTERNOON?

IT'S GOT TO BE AUTHENTIC.

WHAT AUTHENTIC?

STONEWALL JACKSON'S
WEARING A BEEPER.

HIS WIFE'S PREGNANT.