Empty Nest (1988–1995): Season 1, Episode 10 - Libby's Gift - full transcript
Doctor, I'm so sorry
little Tommy ruined your tie.
That's okay, dear.
We'll just wring this out,
then we won't have
to take a specimen.
I love her. She's great.
Any more patients?
Well, that was
the last scheduled one,
but Katie Taylor stopped by.
I told her to wait
in your office.
Really? Little Katie Taylor?
How wonderful.
Isn't that terrific?
Hi, Dr. Weston.
They lied to me.
They told me Katie was here.
You're not Katie.
This is Katie here. Where?
This is little Katie there.
Look at you.
It's always so good
to see one of my graduates.
How is Dr. Stone?
Not as much fun as you.
Look at you. Look at you.
How old are you now?
- I'm 14.
- 14, gosh.
I remember you
came in here in tears
and wanted me to get rid
of your freckles for you.
I told you freckles
were god's little kisses.
You kicked me.
You were so cute.
Look at you now.
I mean, you're just
a beautiful young woman.
So what can I do for you dear?
I want birth control pills.
Birth... birth... birth
control.
I...
Really? You mean the...
The pill you...
The pill?
The... the no baby on board?
That one?
Katie dear,
you're just a little girl.
You just said I was a woman,
and I am.
I mean, I feel like one.
Well, what do your parents
think about this?
Yeah,
like they're mature enough
to know what this is all about.
They wouldn't even let me
change my name to Tiffany.
One thing at a time here.
Um, I have to ask you
a question now.
It's a rather personal question.
It's a rather delicate question.
You mean have I ever done it?
The word "love" was gonna
appear in my question, but yes.
No, I haven't, but it's
a little embarrassing.
I feel left out because
everybody else is doing it.
No, they're not.
I bet all of them have done it.
No, they have not.
Katie, i'm... i'm
very proud of you
for coming here
to talk to me about this,
but your parents
have to be part of this too.
I mean, please, talk to them.
I'll try.
Okay, now you'll call me,
let me know what happened?
What do I say to them?
Just be completely
honest with them.
I know your folks.
They're really nice,
reasonable people.
Just tell them
absolutely everything.
And it probably would not be
a bad idea to start off
with a joke.
Bye, Laverne.
Bye-bye, honey.
This has not been
a good day for neckwear.
That girl's got you worried,
doesn't she?
How do you know?
You're stirring your coffee
with a thermometer.
Katie wants the pill.
Lord.
I just hope her folks
are understanding.
How did you take it
when your daughters came to you?
If the subject ever comes up,
I intend to be open-minded.
I don't know
what to say into this thing.
It doesn't matter, daddy.
The whole point is to have
a man's voice on my machine
to discourage
any obscene callers.
All right. Where do you talk
into this thing?
Here.
Where it says "microphone."
All right, all right,
all right, all right, okay.
You've reached 555-3630.
We're probably out
at target practice again.
That's okay. Leave a message.
We'll get right back to you.
Okay, let's see how that sounds.
Okay, let's see how that sounds.
Why don't we take a break
and go get some dinner?
I can't tonight,
but how about Tuesday?
Tuesday's great.
Tuesday.
Tuesday is perfect for me.
Good, Tuesday, it's all set.
The three of us. Tuesday.
Nice try, girls.
What?
"What?"
Tuesday, my anniversary,
wedding anniversary,
your mother's and mine.
I appreciate the thought, girls,
but it's just another day.
If it were just another day,
you would have dinner with us.
It's only your second
anniversary without mom,
and last year
you went a little crazy.
Crazy? What crazy?
Daddy, when we got here,
you were sitting in the dark
in front of the fireplace
polishing all your shoes.
That's not crazy.
That's one of the five
stages of grief.
There's denial, anger,
shoe polishing,
and a couple of other things.
Are you sure you don't
want us to be with you?
I am fine, dear. It is okay.
I just don't want to go out
and make some big deal about it.
Now, I'll celebrate
my anniversary
in my own, private way,
and that's that.
Now...
Daddy, you get the door.
We'll figure this out.
Okay. All right.
I'm coming.
Dreyfuss, there's a doorbell.
The doorbell, Dreyfuss.
There's a stranger at the door.
Have the decency to bark.
Jeez.
Hi, I got a delivery
for, Libby Weston.
Libby Weston?
I'm Dr. Weston.
I'll sign for it.
- I'm sorry.
- It's strict company policy.
Only the person whose name is
on the parcel can sign for it.
She passed away.
All right, anybody then.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait. Wait a minute.
This is something
that Libby ordered.
This is over two years ago.
Yeah, sorry about
the little delay.
I'll go get your parcel.
Who is it, daddy?
I don't know,
it's the strangest thing.
Your mother bought
something two years ago.
They're just delivering it now.
Spooky.
We were just talking about mom,
and now a package
from her shows up.
All right, in here, guys.
It's an organ. An organ?
All right, do you want it
anywhere in particular?
Well, I really
hadn't anticipated...
All right, anywhere.
Here you go.
Thanks.
By the way,
I couldn't help noticing,
but you don't have no cable TV.
Yeah, that's right.
Listen, 50 bucks,
I'm up the pole,
and it's hello, playboy channel.
Yeah, thanks, thanks,
but no thanks.
40 bucks.
- Good-bye.
- All right.
Now you bark?
What is that? Sarcasm?
I can't believe
mom ordered this.
It's hysterical.
What was she thinking?
Probably that she'd get it
a whole lot sooner.
Daddy, don't do that.
They might not take it back.
Take it back?
What are you talking about,
take it back?
It's your mother's.
I'm keeping it.
- You're kidding.
- No.
Good evening, all.
I'm back from
my Caribbean cruise,
and you're...
Out of orange juice.
Nice organ.
Boy, this takes me back
to when I was a kid.
I was in the church choir.
I felt I'd get closer to god,
and it was a great place
to meet babes.
They threw me out
after I organized
a wet choir robe contest.
Forgive him. He's a moron.
I get it. I get it.
I know what this is all about.
What?
The organ,
why your mother bought an organ.
It was the night I proposed
to her in central park.
Aw, memories. I'm out of here.
I ran into a guy outside
that's gonna hook up
the playboy channel for me.
I talked him down to 85 bucks.
That's what this is.
That's what...
I was still in medical school,
and the ritziest
thing I could afford
was the free ice skating rink.
They had an organist,
so I tipped the guy a dollar
to play everything from
Some Enchanted Evening
to Moonlight Serenade,
and then I guess my dollar
must have run out
just as I said,
"Will you marry me?"
'Cause he broke into How Much
is That Doggie in the Window?
Your mother fell apart.
She just broke out laughing,
and she was slipping and...
But she was saying,
"yes, yes, yes,"
and I get up, and I grabbed her
and hugged her,
and it was such a great moment,
except we caused
a 25-skater pileup,
and I ended up kissing some guy
from New Jersey.
He was...
You've never told us
that story before.
That's what she
was gonna do with this.
She was gonna learn
to play that song.
Well, that's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna learn to play Doggie
in the Window on this thing.
Daddy,
that is just so sweet.
And if I can learn
to play it in six days,
I can play it
for our anniversary.
Libby.
What a great gift
that'll be for her.
That's what your mother and I
are gonna do together this year.
I don't think
that's such a good idea.
Daddy, that's not the best way
to spend your anniversary.
Sheet music.
I need sheet music.
There's got to be an all-night
sheet music store
open in Miami.
Remember daddy's
shoe-polishing thing
from last year?
I have a feeling
we'll be referring to that
as the good old days.
Ha ha!
Good morning, Laverne.
My, don't you look beautiful.
Is this leading to a pay cut?
Forget I said it.
David barris' mono test
was negative,
and you have
a hospital committee meeting
tomorrow at 11:00.
Yeah, some contractor called
with an estimate of $8,500.
Well, that seems about right.
What's that all about?
Well, I'm building a music room
for the organ I just got.
Now I have to learn
how to play it.
You got an organ?
I play the organ.
I used to play professionally.
Really?
I thought when you hired me
you read my resume.
I'd be glad to give you lessons.
That...
I really would appreciate that.
Now, on a non-musical note,
Katie Taylor's waiting for you
in your office.
Okay.
Hi, Katie. How are you?
Well, I've been thinking
about you a lot.
Did you have that talk
with your folks?
Yeah, and get this.
They said I could have the pill.
They... they were amazed
I hadn't had sex already.
Come on. You can't lie to me.
I've given you shots
in your tushy.
I can't talk
to my parents about sex.
You don't understand.
You never had to go through
anything like this.
Of course I did, dear.
Now, listen,
it was very hard on us.
We had to control ourselves.
We had to rechannel
all those energies,
and many of us joined the army,
which is basically
how we won world war II.
Dr. Weston...
Come on, Katie, dear.
Come on. I know it's difficult
to talk to parents,
but what you don't realize
is that they know
you're becoming an adult.
Let them be part of that.
I thought you were gonna be
more of a help.
I guess
I came to the wrong place.
You came to the right place.
Great, so you're gonna give me
the prescription?
- What I am trying to say...
- Fine.
I'm gonna
check the fuse box.
When I give a yell,
try the organ again.
Yeah, and,
try jacking it up a little
this time, okay?
All right, all right, all right.
All right, ready.
Ready. Ready.
So what do you recommend?
Arthur Murray.
Nah, I'm just ribbing ya.
No, what you nee
is a revamped fuse box,
an auxiliary generator,
and a power line
running to that organ room
you're gonna build.
This is gonna cost you.
That's fine. That's fine.
Hey, can you work fast?
Fast?
I could rewire
Las Vegas in an hour.
I'm exaggerating, of course.
Laverne,
I'm so glad you're here.
Me too.
Let me at that tune box.
Laverne, I cannot tell you
how much I appreciate this.
Okay, roll up your sleeves.
Let's get to work.
- Okay.
Now, first, let me show you
what we're aiming for.
Charge.
That's real nice, Laverne,
but could we play a real song?
Are you kidding?
Last time I played that,
I brought 2,300 people
to their feet.
Charge.
Laverne, you said
you played professionally.
I did.
For the Arkansas Travelers
double "a" minor league
baseball team.
I was their official organist.
Really?
Well, I... look,
I need you to teach me
How Much is that Doggie
in the Window?
That's so corny.
No, no, here's a little ditty
I used to play with runners
on first and third.
Laverne...
Laverne.
Laverne.
I don't think
this is gonna work out.
This...
You haven't heard
the "No Batter, No Batter" song.
Wait a minute.
Charge.
What are you trying to do,
wake the dead?
My god. Sophia I'm sorry.
I didn't realize you could hear it,
all the way down the street.
Hear it?
It rearranged my liver spots.
I'd just fallen asleep.
I was dreaming I was in Sicily
eating the biggest meatball
they ever made.
And then this meatball
turned into a fastball,
and it was coming
directly toward my head.
I... I do apologize,
and we won't
disturb you anymore.
Did I tell you
I slept with Babe Ruth?
- No.
- Yeah.
In Cooperstown
they have his bat, his glove,
and my underpants.
It's a very
colorful neighborhood.
Daddy?
I'm in here.
Daddy, why is there a huge spool
of electrical cable in the yard?
I'm so glad you're here.
I have some terrific news.
Does it have anything to do
with the bald electrician
in the garage
singing, "Money for Nothing
and Your Chicks for Free"?
I don't know.
I mean, it could be, could be.
Here, here, here, look.
Look at this.
These are the blueprints
of the house.
Now, what do you see?
Your room was bigger than mine.
No, no, no, no,
over here, by the garage.
See the space?
Extra, unused space.
Space that will be
finally used for...
Music room.
No, maybe
I really should have said...
Organ room!
Okay, we gave her
the bigger room
because yours has the alcove.
No, daddy, it's not that.
It's just...
Don't you think you're
going a little too far
with this organ thing?
I think Carol's right, daddy.
I don't understand you girls.
You know, for two years,
the only thing
I've heard from you
is the word "hobby."
"Daddy, you need a hobby.
Daddy, get a hobby."
Well, I've got a hobby.
Organ playing.
Daddy, it's only two days
till your anniversary.
How can I put this
in a nice way?
You're acting crazy again.
There is nothing crazy here.
Daddy, it's time
to get rid of the organ.
I agree.
This is getting morbid.
Next thing you know
you'll be sitting here,
talking to mom all night.
Now, wait, hey.
You... now listen to me.
I am not required to defend
my actions to my children.
This is my house,
this is my organ,
and it's my anniversary,
and that is the end
of this discussion.
You got that?
Yes.
We got it.
Come in, Katie. Sit down.
All right.
Now I have written
a prescription for the pill,
and I'm putting it right there.
That's so great.
Thank you, Dr. Weston.
Wait.
I have a few things
I'd like to say,
and when I'm finished,
if you think you are
adult enough,
mature enough to have sex,
then you can have it.
Now... wait.
Katie, there's a lot more to sex
than just sleeping with someone.
There's love,
there's commitment,
there's responsibility.
And the pill just takes care of
the sleeping with someone part.
Now, you can't even have
a mature conversation
with your parents.
I don't think
you're ready to have sex
and handle all the things
that are involved in that.
Now, do you really want
that piece of paper?
Yeah. Thanks.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Katie, you have to
talk to your parents here.
Now call them.
I will go with you,
if that'll help,
but you have to help too.
And you can start
by showing me how adult you are
by picking up that phone
instead of that piece of paper.
Mom, can I bring a friend
home for dinner?
Thanks. Bye.
That's a good girl.
Now, now...
Let's get to work
on that opening joke.
I got it!
I got it, I got it, I got it.
All right.
Ding-dong, Dreyfuss. Ding-dong.
Forget about it.
Just take the rest
of the day off.
Hi.
Over there, guys.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait.
What are you doing?
- There was a slip-up.
- We have to take the organ back.
What are you... wait.
What are you talking about?
This is mine.
Nope, we got
the invoices mixed up.
This baby's supposed
too down to sea world.
They got an otter down there
who's going to play it.
What otter? Well, you...
My wife bought this.
This is mine.
No, no, this is what
your wife ordered.
It's, it's a jewelry box.
Yeah, sorry about
the chip on the lid.
You... you idiots.
What... how could you make
such a huge, stupid mistake?
Daddy,
you're sending the organ back.
Thank god we got through to you.
It was a mistake.
A mistake?
I learned the song.
I had it all ready
for tomorrow night
for the anniversary.
I could play all the chords.
I could go right through
the whole thing.
It was gonna be this wonderful,
special night.
Just me and all the memories.
I almost had it. I was there.
I had the music.
And those morons,
they take it away from me?
They took your mother from me?
What am I saying?
Took your mother away from me?
They took an organ.
An organ delivered by mistake.
It had nothing to do with her.
It wasn't hers. It was...
It was all in my head.
Listen, girls, I am sorry.
I... I don't know.
I guess I sounded crazy.
No.
Don't be silly.
What made me think
I needed an organ
to remind me of...
Of your mother?
I mean, if I need anything
to remind me of her,
I can just look
at the two of you.
Look, I tell you what now.
Listen, tomorrow night
is the anniversary.
We spend it together, all right?
We'll go to dinner.
I'll lay out my suit.
I'll shine up my shoes.
Forget the shoes.
We love you, daddy.
It's nice to have you back.
You too, baby.
It's good to be back.
What is this?
Ho, ho, ho.
Well, I like this.
How much is that...
little Tommy ruined your tie.
That's okay, dear.
We'll just wring this out,
then we won't have
to take a specimen.
I love her. She's great.
Any more patients?
Well, that was
the last scheduled one,
but Katie Taylor stopped by.
I told her to wait
in your office.
Really? Little Katie Taylor?
How wonderful.
Isn't that terrific?
Hi, Dr. Weston.
They lied to me.
They told me Katie was here.
You're not Katie.
This is Katie here. Where?
This is little Katie there.
Look at you.
It's always so good
to see one of my graduates.
How is Dr. Stone?
Not as much fun as you.
Look at you. Look at you.
How old are you now?
- I'm 14.
- 14, gosh.
I remember you
came in here in tears
and wanted me to get rid
of your freckles for you.
I told you freckles
were god's little kisses.
You kicked me.
You were so cute.
Look at you now.
I mean, you're just
a beautiful young woman.
So what can I do for you dear?
I want birth control pills.
Birth... birth... birth
control.
I...
Really? You mean the...
The pill you...
The pill?
The... the no baby on board?
That one?
Katie dear,
you're just a little girl.
You just said I was a woman,
and I am.
I mean, I feel like one.
Well, what do your parents
think about this?
Yeah,
like they're mature enough
to know what this is all about.
They wouldn't even let me
change my name to Tiffany.
One thing at a time here.
Um, I have to ask you
a question now.
It's a rather personal question.
It's a rather delicate question.
You mean have I ever done it?
The word "love" was gonna
appear in my question, but yes.
No, I haven't, but it's
a little embarrassing.
I feel left out because
everybody else is doing it.
No, they're not.
I bet all of them have done it.
No, they have not.
Katie, i'm... i'm
very proud of you
for coming here
to talk to me about this,
but your parents
have to be part of this too.
I mean, please, talk to them.
I'll try.
Okay, now you'll call me,
let me know what happened?
What do I say to them?
Just be completely
honest with them.
I know your folks.
They're really nice,
reasonable people.
Just tell them
absolutely everything.
And it probably would not be
a bad idea to start off
with a joke.
Bye, Laverne.
Bye-bye, honey.
This has not been
a good day for neckwear.
That girl's got you worried,
doesn't she?
How do you know?
You're stirring your coffee
with a thermometer.
Katie wants the pill.
Lord.
I just hope her folks
are understanding.
How did you take it
when your daughters came to you?
If the subject ever comes up,
I intend to be open-minded.
I don't know
what to say into this thing.
It doesn't matter, daddy.
The whole point is to have
a man's voice on my machine
to discourage
any obscene callers.
All right. Where do you talk
into this thing?
Here.
Where it says "microphone."
All right, all right,
all right, all right, okay.
You've reached 555-3630.
We're probably out
at target practice again.
That's okay. Leave a message.
We'll get right back to you.
Okay, let's see how that sounds.
Okay, let's see how that sounds.
Why don't we take a break
and go get some dinner?
I can't tonight,
but how about Tuesday?
Tuesday's great.
Tuesday.
Tuesday is perfect for me.
Good, Tuesday, it's all set.
The three of us. Tuesday.
Nice try, girls.
What?
"What?"
Tuesday, my anniversary,
wedding anniversary,
your mother's and mine.
I appreciate the thought, girls,
but it's just another day.
If it were just another day,
you would have dinner with us.
It's only your second
anniversary without mom,
and last year
you went a little crazy.
Crazy? What crazy?
Daddy, when we got here,
you were sitting in the dark
in front of the fireplace
polishing all your shoes.
That's not crazy.
That's one of the five
stages of grief.
There's denial, anger,
shoe polishing,
and a couple of other things.
Are you sure you don't
want us to be with you?
I am fine, dear. It is okay.
I just don't want to go out
and make some big deal about it.
Now, I'll celebrate
my anniversary
in my own, private way,
and that's that.
Now...
Daddy, you get the door.
We'll figure this out.
Okay. All right.
I'm coming.
Dreyfuss, there's a doorbell.
The doorbell, Dreyfuss.
There's a stranger at the door.
Have the decency to bark.
Jeez.
Hi, I got a delivery
for, Libby Weston.
Libby Weston?
I'm Dr. Weston.
I'll sign for it.
- I'm sorry.
- It's strict company policy.
Only the person whose name is
on the parcel can sign for it.
She passed away.
All right, anybody then.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait. Wait a minute.
This is something
that Libby ordered.
This is over two years ago.
Yeah, sorry about
the little delay.
I'll go get your parcel.
Who is it, daddy?
I don't know,
it's the strangest thing.
Your mother bought
something two years ago.
They're just delivering it now.
Spooky.
We were just talking about mom,
and now a package
from her shows up.
All right, in here, guys.
It's an organ. An organ?
All right, do you want it
anywhere in particular?
Well, I really
hadn't anticipated...
All right, anywhere.
Here you go.
Thanks.
By the way,
I couldn't help noticing,
but you don't have no cable TV.
Yeah, that's right.
Listen, 50 bucks,
I'm up the pole,
and it's hello, playboy channel.
Yeah, thanks, thanks,
but no thanks.
40 bucks.
- Good-bye.
- All right.
Now you bark?
What is that? Sarcasm?
I can't believe
mom ordered this.
It's hysterical.
What was she thinking?
Probably that she'd get it
a whole lot sooner.
Daddy, don't do that.
They might not take it back.
Take it back?
What are you talking about,
take it back?
It's your mother's.
I'm keeping it.
- You're kidding.
- No.
Good evening, all.
I'm back from
my Caribbean cruise,
and you're...
Out of orange juice.
Nice organ.
Boy, this takes me back
to when I was a kid.
I was in the church choir.
I felt I'd get closer to god,
and it was a great place
to meet babes.
They threw me out
after I organized
a wet choir robe contest.
Forgive him. He's a moron.
I get it. I get it.
I know what this is all about.
What?
The organ,
why your mother bought an organ.
It was the night I proposed
to her in central park.
Aw, memories. I'm out of here.
I ran into a guy outside
that's gonna hook up
the playboy channel for me.
I talked him down to 85 bucks.
That's what this is.
That's what...
I was still in medical school,
and the ritziest
thing I could afford
was the free ice skating rink.
They had an organist,
so I tipped the guy a dollar
to play everything from
Some Enchanted Evening
to Moonlight Serenade,
and then I guess my dollar
must have run out
just as I said,
"Will you marry me?"
'Cause he broke into How Much
is That Doggie in the Window?
Your mother fell apart.
She just broke out laughing,
and she was slipping and...
But she was saying,
"yes, yes, yes,"
and I get up, and I grabbed her
and hugged her,
and it was such a great moment,
except we caused
a 25-skater pileup,
and I ended up kissing some guy
from New Jersey.
He was...
You've never told us
that story before.
That's what she
was gonna do with this.
She was gonna learn
to play that song.
Well, that's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna learn to play Doggie
in the Window on this thing.
Daddy,
that is just so sweet.
And if I can learn
to play it in six days,
I can play it
for our anniversary.
Libby.
What a great gift
that'll be for her.
That's what your mother and I
are gonna do together this year.
I don't think
that's such a good idea.
Daddy, that's not the best way
to spend your anniversary.
Sheet music.
I need sheet music.
There's got to be an all-night
sheet music store
open in Miami.
Remember daddy's
shoe-polishing thing
from last year?
I have a feeling
we'll be referring to that
as the good old days.
Ha ha!
Good morning, Laverne.
My, don't you look beautiful.
Is this leading to a pay cut?
Forget I said it.
David barris' mono test
was negative,
and you have
a hospital committee meeting
tomorrow at 11:00.
Yeah, some contractor called
with an estimate of $8,500.
Well, that seems about right.
What's that all about?
Well, I'm building a music room
for the organ I just got.
Now I have to learn
how to play it.
You got an organ?
I play the organ.
I used to play professionally.
Really?
I thought when you hired me
you read my resume.
I'd be glad to give you lessons.
That...
I really would appreciate that.
Now, on a non-musical note,
Katie Taylor's waiting for you
in your office.
Okay.
Hi, Katie. How are you?
Well, I've been thinking
about you a lot.
Did you have that talk
with your folks?
Yeah, and get this.
They said I could have the pill.
They... they were amazed
I hadn't had sex already.
Come on. You can't lie to me.
I've given you shots
in your tushy.
I can't talk
to my parents about sex.
You don't understand.
You never had to go through
anything like this.
Of course I did, dear.
Now, listen,
it was very hard on us.
We had to control ourselves.
We had to rechannel
all those energies,
and many of us joined the army,
which is basically
how we won world war II.
Dr. Weston...
Come on, Katie, dear.
Come on. I know it's difficult
to talk to parents,
but what you don't realize
is that they know
you're becoming an adult.
Let them be part of that.
I thought you were gonna be
more of a help.
I guess
I came to the wrong place.
You came to the right place.
Great, so you're gonna give me
the prescription?
- What I am trying to say...
- Fine.
I'm gonna
check the fuse box.
When I give a yell,
try the organ again.
Yeah, and,
try jacking it up a little
this time, okay?
All right, all right, all right.
All right, ready.
Ready. Ready.
So what do you recommend?
Arthur Murray.
Nah, I'm just ribbing ya.
No, what you nee
is a revamped fuse box,
an auxiliary generator,
and a power line
running to that organ room
you're gonna build.
This is gonna cost you.
That's fine. That's fine.
Hey, can you work fast?
Fast?
I could rewire
Las Vegas in an hour.
I'm exaggerating, of course.
Laverne,
I'm so glad you're here.
Me too.
Let me at that tune box.
Laverne, I cannot tell you
how much I appreciate this.
Okay, roll up your sleeves.
Let's get to work.
- Okay.
Now, first, let me show you
what we're aiming for.
Charge.
That's real nice, Laverne,
but could we play a real song?
Are you kidding?
Last time I played that,
I brought 2,300 people
to their feet.
Charge.
Laverne, you said
you played professionally.
I did.
For the Arkansas Travelers
double "a" minor league
baseball team.
I was their official organist.
Really?
Well, I... look,
I need you to teach me
How Much is that Doggie
in the Window?
That's so corny.
No, no, here's a little ditty
I used to play with runners
on first and third.
Laverne...
Laverne.
Laverne.
I don't think
this is gonna work out.
This...
You haven't heard
the "No Batter, No Batter" song.
Wait a minute.
Charge.
What are you trying to do,
wake the dead?
My god. Sophia I'm sorry.
I didn't realize you could hear it,
all the way down the street.
Hear it?
It rearranged my liver spots.
I'd just fallen asleep.
I was dreaming I was in Sicily
eating the biggest meatball
they ever made.
And then this meatball
turned into a fastball,
and it was coming
directly toward my head.
I... I do apologize,
and we won't
disturb you anymore.
Did I tell you
I slept with Babe Ruth?
- No.
- Yeah.
In Cooperstown
they have his bat, his glove,
and my underpants.
It's a very
colorful neighborhood.
Daddy?
I'm in here.
Daddy, why is there a huge spool
of electrical cable in the yard?
I'm so glad you're here.
I have some terrific news.
Does it have anything to do
with the bald electrician
in the garage
singing, "Money for Nothing
and Your Chicks for Free"?
I don't know.
I mean, it could be, could be.
Here, here, here, look.
Look at this.
These are the blueprints
of the house.
Now, what do you see?
Your room was bigger than mine.
No, no, no, no,
over here, by the garage.
See the space?
Extra, unused space.
Space that will be
finally used for...
Music room.
No, maybe
I really should have said...
Organ room!
Okay, we gave her
the bigger room
because yours has the alcove.
No, daddy, it's not that.
It's just...
Don't you think you're
going a little too far
with this organ thing?
I think Carol's right, daddy.
I don't understand you girls.
You know, for two years,
the only thing
I've heard from you
is the word "hobby."
"Daddy, you need a hobby.
Daddy, get a hobby."
Well, I've got a hobby.
Organ playing.
Daddy, it's only two days
till your anniversary.
How can I put this
in a nice way?
You're acting crazy again.
There is nothing crazy here.
Daddy, it's time
to get rid of the organ.
I agree.
This is getting morbid.
Next thing you know
you'll be sitting here,
talking to mom all night.
Now, wait, hey.
You... now listen to me.
I am not required to defend
my actions to my children.
This is my house,
this is my organ,
and it's my anniversary,
and that is the end
of this discussion.
You got that?
Yes.
We got it.
Come in, Katie. Sit down.
All right.
Now I have written
a prescription for the pill,
and I'm putting it right there.
That's so great.
Thank you, Dr. Weston.
Wait.
I have a few things
I'd like to say,
and when I'm finished,
if you think you are
adult enough,
mature enough to have sex,
then you can have it.
Now... wait.
Katie, there's a lot more to sex
than just sleeping with someone.
There's love,
there's commitment,
there's responsibility.
And the pill just takes care of
the sleeping with someone part.
Now, you can't even have
a mature conversation
with your parents.
I don't think
you're ready to have sex
and handle all the things
that are involved in that.
Now, do you really want
that piece of paper?
Yeah. Thanks.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Katie, you have to
talk to your parents here.
Now call them.
I will go with you,
if that'll help,
but you have to help too.
And you can start
by showing me how adult you are
by picking up that phone
instead of that piece of paper.
Mom, can I bring a friend
home for dinner?
Thanks. Bye.
That's a good girl.
Now, now...
Let's get to work
on that opening joke.
I got it!
I got it, I got it, I got it.
All right.
Ding-dong, Dreyfuss. Ding-dong.
Forget about it.
Just take the rest
of the day off.
Hi.
Over there, guys.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait.
What are you doing?
- There was a slip-up.
- We have to take the organ back.
What are you... wait.
What are you talking about?
This is mine.
Nope, we got
the invoices mixed up.
This baby's supposed
too down to sea world.
They got an otter down there
who's going to play it.
What otter? Well, you...
My wife bought this.
This is mine.
No, no, this is what
your wife ordered.
It's, it's a jewelry box.
Yeah, sorry about
the chip on the lid.
You... you idiots.
What... how could you make
such a huge, stupid mistake?
Daddy,
you're sending the organ back.
Thank god we got through to you.
It was a mistake.
A mistake?
I learned the song.
I had it all ready
for tomorrow night
for the anniversary.
I could play all the chords.
I could go right through
the whole thing.
It was gonna be this wonderful,
special night.
Just me and all the memories.
I almost had it. I was there.
I had the music.
And those morons,
they take it away from me?
They took your mother from me?
What am I saying?
Took your mother away from me?
They took an organ.
An organ delivered by mistake.
It had nothing to do with her.
It wasn't hers. It was...
It was all in my head.
Listen, girls, I am sorry.
I... I don't know.
I guess I sounded crazy.
No.
Don't be silly.
What made me think
I needed an organ
to remind me of...
Of your mother?
I mean, if I need anything
to remind me of her,
I can just look
at the two of you.
Look, I tell you what now.
Listen, tomorrow night
is the anniversary.
We spend it together, all right?
We'll go to dinner.
I'll lay out my suit.
I'll shine up my shoes.
Forget the shoes.
We love you, daddy.
It's nice to have you back.
You too, baby.
It's good to be back.
What is this?
Ho, ho, ho.
Well, I like this.
How much is that...