Eastbound & Down (2009–2013): Season 2, Episode 4 - Chapter 10 - full transcript

Chapter 10:
Making the World Your Bitch.

Once again, I'm with
the hottest chick in town.

Buying the most expensive fashions.

Dining in the fanciest food places.

Riding around on goddamn Jet Skis.

Raining trim.

Hallucinogens.

Jet Skis again.

Throwing heat.

And getting laid.

Did this tale end the way
I thought it would?



Probably not. But as long as I win...

...who gives a shit?

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Look at that, huh?

Thank you for the fucking pill-os.

Kenny.

You got a minute?

What the hell is all this shit?

This is the wall of the immortals.

These men all did what you're
trying to do and succeeded.

They played hard enough in Copales
to get to play in America.

- I never heard of any of these motherfuckers.
- Not even that amigo there?

Who the fuck is that, Pancho Villa?
I don't know.

When he was 12, he pitched five no-hit
innings in the Little League World Series.



Big deal. I did the same thing in the AAU.

Well, maybe for a right-hander,
but this kid threw with both.

So homeboy was double-bagging it.

- Yup.
- Props.

Then he got drafted by Minnesota.
Made their team as a 19-year-old.

Playing ball like he always dreamed.

Then he started having too much fun
with the girls, huh?

The drinks, speedballs.

Before he knew it, it was all gone.

- What's he up to now?
- He watches the field...

...and imagines that things
turned out differently.

No, thank you. I don't like to hear
depressing shit about no-name dickheads.

This shit's fucking up my vibe.
Why you telling me this bullshit?

I admire the fact that
you're trying to get back to the majors...

...but you gotta stop prancing around
and start playing ball.

"Prancing"? Roger, name one time
when I've ever fucking pranced.

Kenny Powers doesn't prance.

If you wanna take it to the next step,
then you need to get serious.

You fucking prance around here.

Playing for this team's not a joke.

Not to me, to the players, or to them.

I never said it was a joke. If you got
something you wanna say, then just say it.

You can save us a lot of time
with this fucking pointless history lesson...

...in this goddamn creepy,
unimpressive fucking hall.

I don't like it in here. It's gross.

Thanks for nothing.

Next song I wanna dedicate...

...to a friend of mine,
a very special friend.

Boyfriend. You mean boyfriend.

She means boyfriend, everybody. Me.

A friend of mine, La Flama Blanca.

I love this song.

Does she know you don't wanna
be called La Flama Blanca?

She can call me whatever she wants to,
Stevie. Look at that brown caboose.

I wanna talk to you about something,
but I don't want you to get mad.

I can already tell I don't like
the sounds of this. Spill it.

Well, I have taken it upon myself
to reopen the Eduardo Sanchez case.

Nope. You were not authorized
to do that. Shut it down.

I already told you. I found happiness.

I no longer seek the answers
that Eduardo potentially holds.

Well, then I guess it doesn't matter
that I have found him.

Say what?

Well, not that I care, because I don't...

...and you obviously should not
have reopened the case...

...but where is he?

He's in Hollywood, baby.

I did a little searching online
and it turns out homeboy...

...directed The Blair Witch Project.

Eduardo Sanchez

- That's not him.
- Are you sure?

Yeah, Stevie, I'm pretty sure
the guy I'm looking for...

...didn't direct
the fucking Blair Witch Project.

Just forget you ever heard
the name Eduardo Sanchez.

Forget that he supposedly lives
in a village near here.

Forget that he is not Mexican,
but a gringo.

Eduardo Sanchez is a white man
that lives near here?

Stop digging for clues, Stevie.

Finding Eduardo Sanchez
is the last thing I care about.

All I care about is this
big brown ass right in front of me.

I wish I was your dick, man.

That's your dick butt-fucking her, man.

ANDREA ELSON
AS ALICE

Hey, Maria.

Let me help you.

Maria.

I just- I want to apologize to you...

...in case I've been aggressive
in any of my actions towards you.

I just been walking around
in Kenny's shoes for so long now...

...that I'm starting to become
exactly like him...

...which is awesome and super badass.

I just- I hope I haven't intimidated you
with my alpha-ness.

Maria, don't.

I was just trying to connect with you.

This neighborhood is unbelievable.

Right? It's almost like
we're not even in Mexico.

Imagine if I really did
become a huge singer...

...and Tony and I
could afford a place here.

Imagine if all three of us could.
That's why I booked you this studio time.

With the right man guiding you,
all your dreams could come true.

Wow, this is so professional.

This used to be my parents' bedroom
and now it's a recording studio.

It's really cool. It's got everything
you need to make an album.

It's got Pro Tools with two Farm cards...

...autotone monitors
with DBX compressors.

This is my sound tech, Estrella.
How are you, man?

It's okay. And right here we have
two booths.

It's got everything you need, you know,
like computers, candles.

Oh, it's- It's wonderful.

Thank you so much, Sebastian.
Thank you.

- You're welcome.
- And thank me too.

So listen, is there anything that I could-?
I can hear or listen to that-?

I have some sketches. I was working
on something the other night, but...

Do it. You should unleash on him.

- Show him what you're working with.
- Okay, well...

...so here I go.

I'm lying here
Watching the stars

Wishing I was very far from here

He's lying next to me
And he's fast asleep

If he could only disappear

Oh, God, I feel so alone here

I wanna be free

I wanna be by myself
By myself, by myself

I wanna be by myself
By myself, by myself

That's it, that's it, that's it.

I don't even would need to hear
nothing else. That's the single.

We should hear other things. Maybe a song
about how a new dude's in your life...

...and turned your life around.

No, man, that's gonna pop off the speakers.
That right there.

Can we just try? Can we-?
Does it hurt to try?

That might be what you're responding to
is the tempo and shit, but it's more like:

Be with someone
Who's changing your life

And of course your son's too

You know, something
that's more in that vein.

Okay. I'll try it. I'll try it.

Okay, it's- Okay.

I wanna try with someone

Make my life...

Better

I wanna be with someone
That change my life

With my son for the better

It kind of pops. It kind of pops.
That has a pop.

The wording is a little off.

See, the other one made me happy.

I'm not trying to be the one
who doesn't like it...

- ...because I know -
- So you like it?

But I don't like it. But if you guys like it,
then let's go with this one.

Maybe it'll end up being a B-side.

- Okay.
- Who knows?

Come see Kenny-fucking-Powers...

...tonight at Charros Stadium.

He's the Hombre Negro,
not the White Flame.

He's not scary like
the negros in America...

...unless you're the competition...

...then he'll strike you out
and shit all over your face.

Come worship the big-dick American
at Charros Stadium.

And hopefully he'll impregnate
all the women here...

...so we will have a new generation
of Kenny Powerses.

And now, making his way to the stadium...

I have a note here,

that I should now refer to him as

The Man in Black.

To hell with the note.

It's THE WHITE FLAME!

What?

They're ready for you.

Make them wait.

But I think they're really, really ready.

I said, make them wait.

It's good for them.

I'm good. Let's do this shit.

Son of a bitch.

Come on, get on your fucking feet.
I see you.

Who wants beer?

You're Mexican.
You all want fucking beer.

Yeah, that's right.
Let's get your asses up.

Cheer for me, people. Come on, now.

What the fuck are you doing, Kenny?

- Man, come on, I'm just having some fun.
- Get that jackass off the field.

They fucking love this, man.

I'm out? He wants me out.

He wants me out.

You're costing us a game, man.

They don't like a show in Mexico, huh?

You guys like a fucking show, huh?

Fuck you. You poor sport.

Take a beer and shut the fuck up.

I'm laying here

Watching the stars

Wishing I was very far from here

He's laying next to me
And he's fast asleep

If he would only disappear

I wanna be by myself
By myself, by myself

I wanna be

By myself, by myself, by myself

I wanna be by myself
By myself, by myself

I wanna be by myself
By myself, by myself

Sebastian, could you lower
that high-hat a little bit?

- High-hat. Down a little.
- I thought it sounded good.

It's overpowering the hook so let's just
drop it a few dBs please. Thank you.

He wants to ride me
And control me

Maybe just a smidge lower. Just...

He's Mr. Big Top
But I don't care

Maybe just a little lower.

I am known
As a passionate woman

That's perfect.
Let's lock that into the memory bank.

Oh, yeah, it's perfect?

It sounds like half the band fucking quit.

What are you laughing at, Estrella?

It's not funny to bury Vida's wonderful
vocals under your weak-ass samples.

I think Sebastian has very good samples.
You should trust him a bit more.

Why you trying to make me out
like I'm Eric Roberts in Star 80?

I'm not the one who's fucking possessed.
I'm trying to make a good album.

- I don't even know who Eric Roberts is.
- Yeah, of course you don't.

Fucking Best of the Best, you asshole.

- What?
- Can I talk to you outside?

Don't mess with my presets, all right?
I will check them.

- What are you doing in there?
- What?

- I'm trying to make the album better.
- You can't yell at Sebastian like that.

He's doing us a huge favor
and doing it for free.

I see the problem.
It's a classic case of me believing in you...

...more than you're believing in you.

Trust your producer.
With your talent and my connections...

...there is no reason
this can't go to number one.

Then everybody will know Kenny Powers'
new girlfriend is a huge pop star.

This is just going too fast. Kenny -

Shit!

I just figured out exactly what
the track's missing. Hold up.

Fucking remix.

Fucking remix.

Kenny Powers' girlfriend.

Kenny Powers' girlfriend's song.

I like to butt fuck fine ladies.

Will I chokehold a bitch? Well, maybe.

What the fuck?

No!

I need a personal conference with
His Majesty. Please exit-o, "assistiante."

- What are you doing? This is my office.
- What do you think you're doing?

- Why am I not playing?
- I told you if you wanted to play...

...you were gonna have to get serious.
You chose to ride a donkey instead.

Roger, the donkey
brought the whole house down.

Excuse me for giving the fans
what they're asking for.

Kenny, I was rooting for you.

I was hoping you'd turn things around,
but at your core, you don't give a shit.

That's where you're wrong.
I give a shit.

How the fuck do you expect me
to make a comeback...

- ...from the goddamn bench?
- By learning, by practicing.

Not by shucking and jiving
all over the field.

You racist motherfucker.

Racist? What-?
What are you talking about?

Showing this jive-turkey shit to me?
You gonna talk this jive-turkey shit?

Racism, Roger.
You wanna sit me out, then fine.

But all I'm saying is you better get the
fucking riot gear because you, my friend...

...have invited
a motherfucking revolution.

Revolution?

Fucking believe it.

Hey, Kenny.
Hey, Kenny, where are you going?

Goddamn.

Hey, hit me up with the ball.

Yeah.

Goddamn.

Your mom's really staying out
late tonight, huh?

She stays out past this time
every night.

"Till the break of dawn" style?
Yeah, I hear you.

But I bet she doesn't do that too much
now though, since I'm around.

She did it last night.

- Last night?
- Yeah.

- She was at the studio.
- Not on my watch.

No work is done at the studio
when I'm not there.

Well, she was there last night.

Here we are.

All right, Tony. If we're about to walk in
on what I think...

...I'm about to show you how not
to have a creative collaboration.

I hope Sebastian hasn't talked your mom out
of giving me that executive-producer credit.

Oh, my God. So unprofessional.

Unbelievable.

Oh, shit! Fuck!

- What the fuck, Vida?
- Close the door, Kenny!

Why, Sebastian?
So you can finish eating her pussy?

Oh, Vida. Why would you do this to me?

I thought you were the whore
with a heart of gold.

Instead you're a whore
with a regular old whore's heart.

You don't understand, Kenny.
I need Vida, man.

She can fix me.

Oh, yeah? See if she can fix this.

There he is.

No! No!

You wanna be by yourself?

You wanna be fucking by yourself?

By your fucking self!

No! No!

Put that down! No!

Shit! Goddamn it.

Oh, my God!

What, am I the only person
not fucking something tonight?

- What the fuck, Stevie?
- Why didn't you knock?

Why am I gonna knock?
This is my house.

Because there was a towel
on the door...

...and that's the international symbol
that someone's getting laid...

- ...and that was me, dog.
- "Me, dog!"

Who the fuck told you
to get laid, Stevie?

You're on the clock, man.
You're on a very important mission...

...and you're fucking around.

- Well, I didn't -
- Out, go.

- Sorry, leave.
- Maria, will you go wait outside?

Go, scamper.

- You can go. It's okay.
- Exit-o the fucking house-o now.

What is she, your girlfriend or something?

Well, yeah. Kind of.

Nope, nope, nope.

She's not your girlfriend.
Break up with her.

Are you kidding?

Stevie, you're on black ops.
There are no girlfriends in black ops.

Aren't you dating Vida?

No, I'm not. I dumped her.
If I had the strength to dump Vida...

...then you sure as hell have the strength
to dump Maria's stupid ass.

Kenny, I will break up with her
if you want...

...because that is how much
you mean to me...

...but please don't make me
do this, okay?

I am begging you.

That is my first fucking girlfriend.

So fucking please.

I can't allow that wish.
I'm sorry. Dump the bitch.

Dump the bitch.

Maria?

Maria.

Maria.

Maria.

Who ordered the whore?

Pizza and pussy!

- Who's winning? Oh, we are.
- Hey, Kenny.

- Big surprise. Roger.
- Where are you going?

- You don't have to do this. Stay back.
- Coming to party.

- Get the fuck off me, Roger. Hey!
- Come on.

- Kenny, you don't have to do this.
- They want this, Roger. Yeah!

Let's talk about this, okay?

Let's talk about this. Come on, Kenny.

Quiet, Roger.

- Kenny!
- U.S.A!

What up?

Get the fuck out of here, man.

Hey, everybody!

It's your favorite American!

Yeah!

I got something for you.

I'm about to pop out a baby.

Oh, it's a soccer ball! Hey!

You don't have to do this, Kenny.
Come on.

Who likes fucking soccer?

Come on, Kenny. Take it off the field.

I don't like soccer at all.

Give me that mitt.
Let me shoot something else.

Oh, here we go.

You wanna say something?
Don't think so.

- Hey, back up.
- Put it down, Kenny.

Fucking back up.

You think I'm gonna hurt -
Get the fuck back.

I'm not gonna hurt anybody.

I'm just fucking playing around.

I'm doing a little fucking dance show.

No, this is for the fans, man.

This is for the fans. For the fans.

She got it. She got it.

Give me that, motherfucker.

Hey, Kenny. Kenny.

Come on, Kenny.

I quit, Roger!

I fucking quit!

Take it easy. Take it easy.

Oh, hey, brother,
you don't look so good, man.

I can't believe I opened
up my heart to that bitch.

Opened it wide up.

And she just squatted
with that big, beautiful booty...

...and dumped all over it.

I'm sorry to hear that, brother.

Yeah, me too.

You'll meet another girl, my friend.

But what if I don't, Catuey?

Kenny?

- I need to talk to you.
- I'm having an emotional crisis right now.

I don't wanna talk to you
about your girlfriend.

I found Eduardo Sanchez.

Bullshit.

He's 100 miles east of
here in a town called Pachuce.

He's the only gringo around
with that name.

Maybe it's time to find out.

Is that him?

I can't tell.

Excuse me?

Excuse me?

Sir?

Are you Eduardo Sanchez?

Depends on who's asking.

Well, hello, Kenny.

Hello, Pop.