Eastbound & Down (2009–2013): Season 2, Episode 5 - Chapter 11 - full transcript
Kenny considers a new full-time life working in Mexico.
Sync by Parasight
eastbound.and.down.s02e05.dvdrip.xvid-reward
How'd you find me, son?
Oh, I have my resources.
That your car?
This old thing?
You bet your ass.
I paid cash
for the motherfucker.
Bought it with an advance
that I was paid for this,
uh, self-help novel I'm about
to have published
onto the Oprah's book clubs.
So you're rich, huh?
KENNY:
Oh, yeah.
I pretty much saved
all my pennies
from my major league days.
Invested a lot of it
very wisely
in stocks, bonds,
famous works of arts.
You rich too?
I'm rich enough.
Why do you think I'm digging
this goddamn hole?
I don't know. Maybe to bury
your shit like a cat. Ha.
Think again.
I got so much income,
I'm having to hid all the shit
outside the house.
Got holes like this
all over my grounds.
I'm the only one
knows where they're at.
Well, we know
where that one's at.
Wrong a second time.
This is a fake hole.
I started digging this one
when I saw you pull up.
You should put your money
in the bank,
because somebody could come
in here with a metal detector
or something and...
Who's the poon?
He's my assistant.
He's a poon.
KENNY:
A poon or not,
looks like only one of us
has an assistant.
Unless of course yours is buried
in one of these
fucking gopher holes.
[KENNY LAUGHS]
His dead assistant.
Same old Kenny.
Ten pounds of shit
in a 5-pound bag.
And friends with faggots.
[♪]
Well, first off on the tour,
I'll show you my barn.
That's where I do my inventing.
I used to grow enough crops
to completely sustain myself.
But after mastering the art
of agriculture,
I've grown bored with it.
Hence its neglect.
This is my
getting-around-town ride.
A little beat up
but still a classic.
Yeah, my getting-around-town
ride is a Lambo,
but you already knew that.
Well, I can't compete
with you on a car level.
That's true.
I've never been much
for the open road.
Heh-heh. Of course.
That's why I have a plane
and also a boat.
You have wings and a ship?
They're in remote storage
next to my grottos.
Goddamn, that's impressive.
Now keep in mind
this is just our summer home.
Uh, sorry, house rules.
No butt-huggers.
This is my father's estate.
We do have to obey his policies.
Why don't you keep an eye
on the whip?
Make sure none of the villagers
try to fuck with it.
[ROOSTER CROWING]
[WOMAN SPEAKING SPANISH
OVER TV]
Okay, honey puss, take a break.
Somebody I want you to meet.
This is Soledad, my wife.
She keeps me on time
and I keep her moist
in her underpants.
[CHUCKLES]
Uh, this is, uh, Kenneth
a stranger I met in town.
He's rolling through Mexico
with the Harlem Globetrotters.
Oh, well, nice to meet you.
Are you staying
for dinner then?
I'm not really sure
why he's lying about me
being a worker for
the Harlem Globetrotters.
That's not what I am.
I'm his son.
[EDUARDO SNICKERS]
I'm just dicking with you,
Kenny.
Yeah, he's my, uh, kid
from, uh, up in the States.
I'm a professional
baseball player.
You probably have heard of me.
Oh, wow.
You're a baseball player, huh?
A famous baseball player
in the familia.
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
I had no idea.
So we're not much for bragging,
are we, Eduardo?
Oh, no, Eduardo doesn't like
to talk about his past.
Yeah, obviously
he doesn't like using
his real name either.
EDUARDO:
Well, you know how it is.
You start pulling
on a little thread
and the next thing you know you
just fucked up the entire shirt.
[TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING
OVER TV]
KENNY:
Who's this nerd?
Oh, Casper.
[GASPS]
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
What's up?
Casper don't talk much.
[BONES CRACK]
KENNY: That's cool.
Honestly, I feel like most teens
these days talk too much anyway.
Yeah, well,
that one's your brother.
He's my what?
[EDUARDO & SOLEDAD LAUGH]
You're fucking kidding, right?
Yeah, y'all both came out
of this old man's jizz.
[EDUARDO & SOLEDAD LAUGH]
[LAUGHING]
Yo say. Yo say, Maria.
KENNY:
Oh shit, shit, shit.
Oh...
Hey, how's the bonding going,
big guy?
Oh, it's still going on.
I'm just gonna come out here
for a timeout.
Turns out I got
a goddamn stepmom
and a fucking Navajo
half brother.
Do you want me to come in there
and maybe mediate for you,
or I could help out in...
No, I don't... I don't see how
that would be helpful.
I think I would like you
just to post up out here.
Just to post up? Okay.
Yeah.
Why are you acting weird?
What do you have in your pocket?
Uh, in my pockets?
Other pocket.
What do you keep fucking
hiding from me?
Just my phone.
Um, I was just calling...
Maria?
No!
What a bitch, dude.
You're out here talking
to Maria?
I'm just talking to my mom.
Fuck your mom.
Keep the lines clear. I need
your full concentration here.
This is the most important
moment of my life.
Got you.
Yeah, Stevie?
I have a question.
Um, are we going to be
staying here for dinner,
or are we going to be
going back for dinner?
Stevie, please don't make me
put a damn time limit
on all this
emotional discovery.
Okay, I am sorry
that your brother is Navajo.
Me too. I know that would
be very upsetting.
If I found out
I had a half-black brother
or a whole-black brother,
I would be very upset.
Ah. Okay, I'm going back
in right now.
Okay.
Good luck.
Be quiet. Thank you.
[IN SPANISH]
Where'd everybody go?
Don't know.
They just left you
in here alone,
doing some arts and crafts
and shit?
What are you making,
a piñata penis pump?
I'm just making some shit for my
fucking house party next week.
Oh, you like to party?
It's a birthday party.
A birthday party?
How old are you gonna be?
Fifteen.
[SCOFFS]
You and your stupid
fucking hat.
Sitting here getting
your goddamn hooks in Pop.
Honestly, I can't say
I blame you.
Seems like you've had things
pretty good here,
flying on planes, fixing up
old cars, eating veggies,
sucking down Goya beans.
Heh. Basically living
the dream life, huh?
Well, unfortunately for you,
all that shit ends today.
Casper, I'm not
letting anything
stand in the way of me
bonding with that man,
do you understand me?
You want to come to my party?
I don't give a shit
about your party, all right?
You cocky-ass motherfucker.
You think you're
gonna win, huh?
This isn't over with me
and you, dude.
I'm gonna fuck you up.
Well, there you are.
My two boys.
I'm just feeling
kind of oddly energetic
just looking at the two of you.
Yeah, I'm feeling pretty good.
Almost like you never
abandoned me at all
and I've always been
part of your family.
EDUARDO:
Good.
Kenny, isn't it about time
you saw how the old man
plies his trade?
I'd love too.
Let's go.
And how are all
you fine people today?
MAN: Great.
KENNY: Awesome.
Everybody ready
to have some fun?
TOURISTS: Yeah!
I know she is.
[LAUGHS]
All right, strap in. Put your
helmets on, little ladies.
I know these helmets make you
look like a puss, but trust me,
you do not want to rely
on these quacks down here
in these hospitals to put Humpty
Dumpty back together again.
All right, let's saddle up
and blaze these ponies.
I'm about to show you
all the beauty
of unspoiled nature
that is Mexico.
[ENGINES REVVING]
♪ Let's go everywhere, man ♪
♪ Let's go everywhere, man ♪
♪ Get out of your chair, man ♪
♪ Let's go everywhere ♪
♪ We'll go to Bombay
Taipei, Mandalay ♪
♪ Bora-Bora, Deauville
Louisville, Whoville ♪
♪ Glocca Morra, Havana
Montana, Savannah ♪
♪ Varanasi, Bermuda, Barbuda
Or Yehuda, Tallahassee ♪
♪ Khartoum, Rangoon
Cancun, Saskatoon ♪
♪ Kowloon, Cameroon, Brigadn
To the moon ♪
♪ Let's go everywhere, man ♪
♪ Let's go everywhere, man ♪
♪ There's lots of fun
Out there, man ♪
♪ We got to have
Our share, man ♪
[CHUCKLES]
Well, all right.
We'll stop here
for a little siesta.
You can take in the scenery or,
uh, go for a swim if you like.
Also, Casper here is available
as company photographer.
Take your pictures.
Five bucks a pop.
Uh, cash only please.
Thank you.
Thank you.
All right.
KENNY:
Not bad.
[EDUARDO LAUGHS]
EDUARDO:
You know, I individually own
the largest fleet
of non-occupational ATVs
in a non-resort area
in South Mexico.
Man, our bond is just making
so much sense to me now, man.
It's just like, you know,
I'm seriously into Jet Skis,
and the experience they offer
is very similar to the ATVs,
you know,
except that it's on water.
Jet Skis are fun, sure,
but for me,
being on the back of a TRX
or a Yamaha Grizzly,
it just makes my dick hard.
Yeah, I've actually had multiple
orgasms on Jet Skis.
Whoa, back that ass up.
Maybe it's something
in our blood
that we can just, you know,
get hard
from riding fucking badass,
you know,
terrain vehicles, watercrafts.
[SIGHS]
Have you ever climbed
to the top of a mountain
on a Jet Ski?
Man. You got me there. I have not.
Goddamn, that would be awesome.
Someday maybe
we'll take that ride.
I'd like that.
Yeah.
[LAUGHS]
I gotta take a piss.
Fuck.
EDUARDO:
Whoo! Cheeseburger in paradise.
How fucking badass is he?
Fuck, man.
I love the feel of the breeze
on my dick.
Well, it looks like we found
what we were looking for.
We sure did.
Ooh, cheeseburgers in paradise.
♪ Baby, I'm-a want you ♪
♪ Baby, I'm-a need you ♪
It's been real nice
having you here.
You know, when you first
showed up,
I gotta admit my first
thought was,
"Goddamn, is he gonna ask me
for some money?"
Heh. But you got
your own money.
I can relax around you.
That's a pretty cool-dude
thing of you to say.
Do you wanna
tell me something, son?
[SIGHS]
I bullshitted you, Pop.
What are you talking about?
Truth be told, things aren't
going as good for me
as I let on to believe.
The love of my life
married some other dude.
And my new girlfriend,
fed her pussy to the owner
of the baseball team
I just quit.
I stole homeboy's car
and now I'm probably
a wanted fucking fugitive.
You stole that Lambo?
Mm-hm.
Oh, Kenny.
I'm disappointed
you would lie to me.
We're family.
I will not judge you.
I just don't know
where it all went wrong.
It just kind of seems like if
there was somebody in my life
who I really trusted
and they could give me
some awesome advice right now,
it might help.
You mean like fatherly advice?
Yeah, maybe just tell me
if I'm messing up
by turning my back on baseball.
Oh, hell no. Kenny, you can't
be running around
worrying about every
goddamn bridge you burn.
You'll never get
across the river.
So you're saying
I did the right thing
by running away
from all my problems?
I believe you gotta do
what you feel in the moment.
You gotta trust
in your feelings.
If you wanna buy something
that you like, buy it.
Don't worry about the money.
You just buy it.
Yeah.
If you wanna have sex
with a girl, have sex with her.
You wanna leave
the condom off, go for it.
It feels better that way.
It does.
I think you gotta do exactly
what you wanna do, matter what.
This makes so much sense.
I mean, here I am
living with all these regrets,
thinking I wronged
all these people
and ruined my life.
But you're saying I'm good.
You're good.
Ha!
Thank you, Pop.
I honestly feel so confident
and just fucking bold and great
about all my decisions
and actions now.
Fuck it.
[LAUGHS] Fuck it.
To the moment.
[LAUGHS]
Hey, how's shit going over there
at the kids table?
It sucks.
Boys, I'm sorry
there's no room at the inn.
KENNY:
Ah, no harm, no foul, Pop.
I think it's just more rude
of Casper
to not offer his bed
to guests, but whatever.
Yeah, this will be good.
All right, house rules:
No jerking each other off.
This is my workspace and I don't
want you spraying all over
all my inventions.
We won't, Mr. Powers.
Hey, thanks for showing us
a good time today,
and I appreciate
all that advice.
I look forward
to more tomorrow.
All right.
Good night, son.
Good night, Pop.
Good night, Mr. Powers.
Tell me a story, Kenny.
Not tonight, Stevie.
Not tonight.
KENNY: The good thing about
getting over depression
is, well, you can start to see
your enemies more clearly.
Suddenly everyone
isn't an obstacle.
Just some people are.
And they might be someone
that you find
is in your bloodline.
Distant and as brown
as their skin may be,
they still are
a part of you.
I'm not saying this
from a personal experience.
I'm just saying in general,
if you find someone
you don't like in your family,
it is perfectly okay
to fuck them over.
[♪]
Did you piss?
KENNY: Yes, I did.
And my bladder
is el emptio.
[SIGHS]
Kenny, how long
are we gonna stay here?
Well, it's hard to say, Stevie.
I don't really got shit
going on back in Copales.
Maybe I'll just live here.
Get a job at Dirt Diablos
giving ATV tours. Who knows?
No. No, you cannot do that.
Says who?
It's beneath you.
Beneath me?
Dirt Diablos is beneath me?
Yes.
Here my father gives us
a home to sleep in
and a warm comfortable bed,
and you sit here
and insult the life
he worked so hard to build
outside of my family.
That's not what I'm saying.
Kenny, your dad is cool and all,
but you're not like him.
You're supposed to be
in a baseball field,
surrounded by millions
of people.
Stevie, you don't think
I fucking know all this?
I know it's not ideal, man,
but right now it's the fucking
best option I have.
So please just go back
to sleep on your hay bed
and get some rest.
I got a full day
of outdoing Casper
and bonding with my father.
Kenny, I have something
to tell you
and I am scared
to tell you this...
Stevie just go to sleep,
go to sleep.
Steven go to sleep.
Kenny...
Kenny, I lied.
April and Cutler
are not married.
What the fuck did you just say?
I lied to you.
I lied to you and I'm sorry.
It's just that
when I came down here,
I missed you so much
that I thought...
I thought we could
start our own life here,
where we were just two outlaws
that are just like friends
and doing great...
Aah!
Oh, God. You hit me.
I deserved it.
Yes, you did, Stevie.
I can't believe you'd lie
about that.
Look, I have never
understood the love
between a man
and a woman before
until I met Maria.
And now I realize that
what I did was not right.
It was wrong.
This is some heavy shit
you're dropping on me here.
Kenny, you cannot stay here.
You can still get her back.
[SCOFFS]
[CHUCKLES]
Get her back?
Yeah.
Yeah, right.
Nope, it's over, Stevie.
It's time I take
my dad's advice:
Stop thinking about
other people,
start thinking about me
for once.
Kenny.
I've found my place, Stevie.
If you don't like it,
you can leave.
I intend to enjoy myself.
[BRENTON WOOD'S
"THE OOGUM BOOGUM SONG" PLAYING]
♪ Oogum, oogum
Boogum, boogum ♪
♪ Boogum, now, baby you're
Casting your spell on me ♪
♪ You got me doing funny things
Like a clown ♪
♪ Just look at me ♪
♪ When you wear
Your high-heel boots ♪
♪ With your hip-hugging suit
Huh, it's all right ♪
♪ You're out of sight ♪
[KENNY CHEERING]
[KENNY LAUGH]
Yep, this is the spot.
You gents ever hit this shit?
Does the pope blow little kids?
[ALL LAUGHING]
I figured you did.
I wasn't sure
about Steven there,
but, uh, to be honest,
I'm still kind of up in the air
about what gender he really is.
What? I am obviously
a man, sir.
Ha! Well, that's not
what your pussy doctor says.
Ha-ha!
A fucking pussy doctor!
[KENNY & EDUARDO LAUGH]
Man, oh, man.
This is crazy as shit.
Here, after all this time,
two journeyman, father and son.
Thank you.
Getting high as hell in Mexico.
Just smoking herb and riding
around on recreational vehicles.
I kind of feel like this is how
I was always meant to live.
I've been doing a lot
of soul-searching lately,
and seeing how well me and you
are reconnecting,
I was thinking about sticking
around here for a while.
Because I love you, Dad.
Huh.
I don't usually say "love"
to other dudes.
That's something that's,
you know,
not really on my docket
of shit to do.
But for some reason,
it just feels normal
to say it to you, Pop.
I like it.
I could fucking sit here
and just talk about love
all goddamn day.
Love, love this.
Love smoking weed...
But you don't have to.
I know, but it just...
I don't know.
I just haven't never
done that before.
I think it's okay
for men to have feelings
that they don't
want to express a lot
but that sometimes
they do express.
I think it's okay.
No.
Nope it's not.
Not for you to do it, it's not.
Give that to me.
Thank you.
EDUARDO: Don't give him
anymore of that shit.
No, that's a good rule.
You seem a little distracted
from our pinnacle father/son
bonding moment here.
Everything cool?
Yeah. No, I just thought
I heard something.
Oh, you're getting
a little fucking paranoid?
[ALL LAUGH]
Old Pops fucking getting stoned
like a 14-year-old
Scared thinking the fucking cops
are coming.
[♪]
All right,
now don't do anything stupid.
Oh, who the fuck is this?
The cops are coming for real?
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
These two are the bandidos.
I'm the one that made the call.
Code name Emerald.
Emerald.
You cocksucker.
You betrayed me?
Now... Now don't take it
personally, son.
It's just Mexico.
Goddamn it. Just Mexico?
What kind of shit is this?
Goddamn it! No, I ain't going.
Okay, I'm coming. Fuck.
Oh, shit!
All right, uh, where do I go
to pick up the bounty?
There is no bounty.
Oh, now that's bullshit.
Those two are fugitives.
I turned them in.
A man ought to get a reward.
Now let's just cut through
the Mexican red tape right now.
Yeah, you're right.
Go home, Eduardo.
We'll get it from here.
Fucking snitch.
Oh, you fucking...
Oh, jackals. Fuck.
Okay, I'm in.
[CAR DOOR SLAMS]
[ENGINE STARTS]
Unbelievable!
Asshole.
STEVIE:
I know that it hurts a lot.
Just know that
if you want to cry,
you can and I will not
judge you.
Stevie, I'm not sad, dude.
I'm more just fucking mad.
And I should have
saw this coming.
Me and him are exactly the same
except, you know,
I have talent.
What a fucking mess
everything's become.
Powers.
Sí.
Someone paid your bail.
I do paperwork.
Oh, you do.
Hello, Kenny.
Soledad.
You paid to have me freed?
Mm-hm.
Uh, could you pay
to have me free too?
See why the fuck are you always
trying to horn in
on my moments, dude?
Fine.
I'll just go back here
in Mexican jail.
KENNY:
Goddamn.
I can arrange to have
your friend freed as well.
Yeah, in time.
I want answers first.
Your daddy's
a real motherfucker.
I don't know why
you came to find him.
You don't want to end up
like him.
I mean, he doesn't seem so bad.
He's married to you and owns
a successful ATV tour company.
SOLEDAD: He doesn't own the company.
I do.
His lazy ass has been
mooching off my tit for years.
Hm, so not only
did he fucking sell me out
to the Federales,
but he also is lying about
his whole entire deal here
in Mexico?
SOLEDAD: Yes, he is.
KENNY: Goddamn it.
What a motherfucker.
Well, where is he?
He's in the car.
Just so you know,
I'm planning on leaving him.
If you want to stick around.
Ooh.
How fucked up
would that be, huh?
Oh, very nasty.
[LAUGHS]
STEVIE:
Ooh, you guys are bad.
Why are you shitting
in the prison, Stevie?
Stop looking at me shit!
Stop it!
Haven't you guys ever heard
of Montezuma's revenge?
If you guys knew how
to boil meat or grill it,
this shit
wouldn't be happening.
[DOG BARKING]
Well?
[SIGHS]
I'm sorry I turned you over
to the cops.
Are you sorry for real
or are you just sorry
because Soledad's
is making you?
That woman
can't make me do shit.
Why? Because you wear the pants
in the family
and own the ATV company?
Or because
you're fucking lying?
She blew my cover, huh?
Yeah, you bet your ass she did,
and I'm glad she did.
I came down here looking
for guidance from you,
and instead you intentionally
fucked me.
I just don't understand
why you fucking lied.
Oh, fuck off!
What are you coming back at me
all high and mighty?
You're no angel.
You think what you're doing down
here is any different?
Running around Mexico
talking about
how you wanna get back
in the majors.
You're living a lie, son.
Welcome to the club.
Crazy.
Here I grow up a whole
entire world away from you
and end up exactly like you.
A lying, cheating,
backstabbing gigolo.
Well, you know what?
I don't think I wanna be
like you anymore.
Well, maybe I'll see you
in hell then.
The old Powers men tag team
and a couple of she-devils.
I got two hard rules
I live by, Pop.
I don't fuck with the devil
and I never do tag teams
with blood relatives.
Take it easy, old man.
Where are you going?
KENNY:
Home.
Can we give you a lift?
Nah, I think we're good.
So are we just gonna walk?
No, Stevie, we're not gonna
fucking walk.
[THE SLITS' "I HEARD IT THROUGH
THE GRAPEVINE" PLAYING]
♪ I bet, I bet, I bet ♪
♪ I bet you're wondering
How I knew ♪
♪ About your plans
To make me blue ♪
♪ With some other guy
That you knew before ♪
♪ We're two of a kind ♪
♪ You know
I love you more ♪
♪ Took me by surprise
I must say ♪
♪ When I found out yesterday ♪
♪ Oh, I heard it
Through the grapevine ♪
♪ Not much longer
Will you be mine ♪
♪ Oh, I heard it
Through the grapevine ♪
♪ And I'm just about
To lose my mind ♪
♪ Honey, honey ♪
[PHONE LINE RINGING]
♪ The grapevine
The grapevine ♪
♪ How much longer
Will you be mine, baby? ♪
APRIL [ON RECORDING]:
Hi, this is April.
I'm not home right now,
but leave a message
and I'll get back to you.
Thanks.
[MACHINE BEEPS]
I'm coming for you.
Sync by Parasight
eastbound.and.down.s02e05.dvdrip.xvid-reward
♪ About your plans
To make me blue ♪
♪ With some other guy
You knew before ♪
♪ We're two of a kind ♪
♪ You know
I love you more ♪
♪ You could have
Told me yourself ♪
♪ That you loved ♪
♪ Oh, loved ♪
♪ I heard it
Through the grapevine ♪
♪ Not much longer
Will you be mine ♪
♪ Oh, I heard it
Through the grapevine ♪
♪ I'm, I'm just about
To lose my mind ♪
♪ Honey, honey ♪
♪ I heard it
Through the grapevine ♪
♪ How much longer
Will you be my baby? ♪
♪ I heard it
Through the grapevine ♪
♪ How much longer
Will you be my baby? ♪
♪ I heard it
Through the grapevine ♪
♪ How much longer
Will you be my baby? ♪
♪ Grapevine, grapevine ♪
♪ Da, da, da, da ♪
♪ Just about to lose
My mind ♪
♪ And I'm just about
To lose my mind ♪
♪ And I'm just about
To lose my mind ♪
♪ And I'm just about
To lose my mind ♪
eastbound.and.down.s02e05.dvdrip.xvid-reward
How'd you find me, son?
Oh, I have my resources.
That your car?
This old thing?
You bet your ass.
I paid cash
for the motherfucker.
Bought it with an advance
that I was paid for this,
uh, self-help novel I'm about
to have published
onto the Oprah's book clubs.
So you're rich, huh?
KENNY:
Oh, yeah.
I pretty much saved
all my pennies
from my major league days.
Invested a lot of it
very wisely
in stocks, bonds,
famous works of arts.
You rich too?
I'm rich enough.
Why do you think I'm digging
this goddamn hole?
I don't know. Maybe to bury
your shit like a cat. Ha.
Think again.
I got so much income,
I'm having to hid all the shit
outside the house.
Got holes like this
all over my grounds.
I'm the only one
knows where they're at.
Well, we know
where that one's at.
Wrong a second time.
This is a fake hole.
I started digging this one
when I saw you pull up.
You should put your money
in the bank,
because somebody could come
in here with a metal detector
or something and...
Who's the poon?
He's my assistant.
He's a poon.
KENNY:
A poon or not,
looks like only one of us
has an assistant.
Unless of course yours is buried
in one of these
fucking gopher holes.
[KENNY LAUGHS]
His dead assistant.
Same old Kenny.
Ten pounds of shit
in a 5-pound bag.
And friends with faggots.
[♪]
Well, first off on the tour,
I'll show you my barn.
That's where I do my inventing.
I used to grow enough crops
to completely sustain myself.
But after mastering the art
of agriculture,
I've grown bored with it.
Hence its neglect.
This is my
getting-around-town ride.
A little beat up
but still a classic.
Yeah, my getting-around-town
ride is a Lambo,
but you already knew that.
Well, I can't compete
with you on a car level.
That's true.
I've never been much
for the open road.
Heh-heh. Of course.
That's why I have a plane
and also a boat.
You have wings and a ship?
They're in remote storage
next to my grottos.
Goddamn, that's impressive.
Now keep in mind
this is just our summer home.
Uh, sorry, house rules.
No butt-huggers.
This is my father's estate.
We do have to obey his policies.
Why don't you keep an eye
on the whip?
Make sure none of the villagers
try to fuck with it.
[ROOSTER CROWING]
[WOMAN SPEAKING SPANISH
OVER TV]
Okay, honey puss, take a break.
Somebody I want you to meet.
This is Soledad, my wife.
She keeps me on time
and I keep her moist
in her underpants.
[CHUCKLES]
Uh, this is, uh, Kenneth
a stranger I met in town.
He's rolling through Mexico
with the Harlem Globetrotters.
Oh, well, nice to meet you.
Are you staying
for dinner then?
I'm not really sure
why he's lying about me
being a worker for
the Harlem Globetrotters.
That's not what I am.
I'm his son.
[EDUARDO SNICKERS]
I'm just dicking with you,
Kenny.
Yeah, he's my, uh, kid
from, uh, up in the States.
I'm a professional
baseball player.
You probably have heard of me.
Oh, wow.
You're a baseball player, huh?
A famous baseball player
in the familia.
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
I had no idea.
So we're not much for bragging,
are we, Eduardo?
Oh, no, Eduardo doesn't like
to talk about his past.
Yeah, obviously
he doesn't like using
his real name either.
EDUARDO:
Well, you know how it is.
You start pulling
on a little thread
and the next thing you know you
just fucked up the entire shirt.
[TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING
OVER TV]
KENNY:
Who's this nerd?
Oh, Casper.
[GASPS]
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
What's up?
Casper don't talk much.
[BONES CRACK]
KENNY: That's cool.
Honestly, I feel like most teens
these days talk too much anyway.
Yeah, well,
that one's your brother.
He's my what?
[EDUARDO & SOLEDAD LAUGH]
You're fucking kidding, right?
Yeah, y'all both came out
of this old man's jizz.
[EDUARDO & SOLEDAD LAUGH]
[LAUGHING]
Yo say. Yo say, Maria.
KENNY:
Oh shit, shit, shit.
Oh...
Hey, how's the bonding going,
big guy?
Oh, it's still going on.
I'm just gonna come out here
for a timeout.
Turns out I got
a goddamn stepmom
and a fucking Navajo
half brother.
Do you want me to come in there
and maybe mediate for you,
or I could help out in...
No, I don't... I don't see how
that would be helpful.
I think I would like you
just to post up out here.
Just to post up? Okay.
Yeah.
Why are you acting weird?
What do you have in your pocket?
Uh, in my pockets?
Other pocket.
What do you keep fucking
hiding from me?
Just my phone.
Um, I was just calling...
Maria?
No!
What a bitch, dude.
You're out here talking
to Maria?
I'm just talking to my mom.
Fuck your mom.
Keep the lines clear. I need
your full concentration here.
This is the most important
moment of my life.
Got you.
Yeah, Stevie?
I have a question.
Um, are we going to be
staying here for dinner,
or are we going to be
going back for dinner?
Stevie, please don't make me
put a damn time limit
on all this
emotional discovery.
Okay, I am sorry
that your brother is Navajo.
Me too. I know that would
be very upsetting.
If I found out
I had a half-black brother
or a whole-black brother,
I would be very upset.
Ah. Okay, I'm going back
in right now.
Okay.
Good luck.
Be quiet. Thank you.
[IN SPANISH]
Where'd everybody go?
Don't know.
They just left you
in here alone,
doing some arts and crafts
and shit?
What are you making,
a piñata penis pump?
I'm just making some shit for my
fucking house party next week.
Oh, you like to party?
It's a birthday party.
A birthday party?
How old are you gonna be?
Fifteen.
[SCOFFS]
You and your stupid
fucking hat.
Sitting here getting
your goddamn hooks in Pop.
Honestly, I can't say
I blame you.
Seems like you've had things
pretty good here,
flying on planes, fixing up
old cars, eating veggies,
sucking down Goya beans.
Heh. Basically living
the dream life, huh?
Well, unfortunately for you,
all that shit ends today.
Casper, I'm not
letting anything
stand in the way of me
bonding with that man,
do you understand me?
You want to come to my party?
I don't give a shit
about your party, all right?
You cocky-ass motherfucker.
You think you're
gonna win, huh?
This isn't over with me
and you, dude.
I'm gonna fuck you up.
Well, there you are.
My two boys.
I'm just feeling
kind of oddly energetic
just looking at the two of you.
Yeah, I'm feeling pretty good.
Almost like you never
abandoned me at all
and I've always been
part of your family.
EDUARDO:
Good.
Kenny, isn't it about time
you saw how the old man
plies his trade?
I'd love too.
Let's go.
And how are all
you fine people today?
MAN: Great.
KENNY: Awesome.
Everybody ready
to have some fun?
TOURISTS: Yeah!
I know she is.
[LAUGHS]
All right, strap in. Put your
helmets on, little ladies.
I know these helmets make you
look like a puss, but trust me,
you do not want to rely
on these quacks down here
in these hospitals to put Humpty
Dumpty back together again.
All right, let's saddle up
and blaze these ponies.
I'm about to show you
all the beauty
of unspoiled nature
that is Mexico.
[ENGINES REVVING]
♪ Let's go everywhere, man ♪
♪ Let's go everywhere, man ♪
♪ Get out of your chair, man ♪
♪ Let's go everywhere ♪
♪ We'll go to Bombay
Taipei, Mandalay ♪
♪ Bora-Bora, Deauville
Louisville, Whoville ♪
♪ Glocca Morra, Havana
Montana, Savannah ♪
♪ Varanasi, Bermuda, Barbuda
Or Yehuda, Tallahassee ♪
♪ Khartoum, Rangoon
Cancun, Saskatoon ♪
♪ Kowloon, Cameroon, Brigadn
To the moon ♪
♪ Let's go everywhere, man ♪
♪ Let's go everywhere, man ♪
♪ There's lots of fun
Out there, man ♪
♪ We got to have
Our share, man ♪
[CHUCKLES]
Well, all right.
We'll stop here
for a little siesta.
You can take in the scenery or,
uh, go for a swim if you like.
Also, Casper here is available
as company photographer.
Take your pictures.
Five bucks a pop.
Uh, cash only please.
Thank you.
Thank you.
All right.
KENNY:
Not bad.
[EDUARDO LAUGHS]
EDUARDO:
You know, I individually own
the largest fleet
of non-occupational ATVs
in a non-resort area
in South Mexico.
Man, our bond is just making
so much sense to me now, man.
It's just like, you know,
I'm seriously into Jet Skis,
and the experience they offer
is very similar to the ATVs,
you know,
except that it's on water.
Jet Skis are fun, sure,
but for me,
being on the back of a TRX
or a Yamaha Grizzly,
it just makes my dick hard.
Yeah, I've actually had multiple
orgasms on Jet Skis.
Whoa, back that ass up.
Maybe it's something
in our blood
that we can just, you know,
get hard
from riding fucking badass,
you know,
terrain vehicles, watercrafts.
[SIGHS]
Have you ever climbed
to the top of a mountain
on a Jet Ski?
Man. You got me there. I have not.
Goddamn, that would be awesome.
Someday maybe
we'll take that ride.
I'd like that.
Yeah.
[LAUGHS]
I gotta take a piss.
Fuck.
EDUARDO:
Whoo! Cheeseburger in paradise.
How fucking badass is he?
Fuck, man.
I love the feel of the breeze
on my dick.
Well, it looks like we found
what we were looking for.
We sure did.
Ooh, cheeseburgers in paradise.
♪ Baby, I'm-a want you ♪
♪ Baby, I'm-a need you ♪
It's been real nice
having you here.
You know, when you first
showed up,
I gotta admit my first
thought was,
"Goddamn, is he gonna ask me
for some money?"
Heh. But you got
your own money.
I can relax around you.
That's a pretty cool-dude
thing of you to say.
Do you wanna
tell me something, son?
[SIGHS]
I bullshitted you, Pop.
What are you talking about?
Truth be told, things aren't
going as good for me
as I let on to believe.
The love of my life
married some other dude.
And my new girlfriend,
fed her pussy to the owner
of the baseball team
I just quit.
I stole homeboy's car
and now I'm probably
a wanted fucking fugitive.
You stole that Lambo?
Mm-hm.
Oh, Kenny.
I'm disappointed
you would lie to me.
We're family.
I will not judge you.
I just don't know
where it all went wrong.
It just kind of seems like if
there was somebody in my life
who I really trusted
and they could give me
some awesome advice right now,
it might help.
You mean like fatherly advice?
Yeah, maybe just tell me
if I'm messing up
by turning my back on baseball.
Oh, hell no. Kenny, you can't
be running around
worrying about every
goddamn bridge you burn.
You'll never get
across the river.
So you're saying
I did the right thing
by running away
from all my problems?
I believe you gotta do
what you feel in the moment.
You gotta trust
in your feelings.
If you wanna buy something
that you like, buy it.
Don't worry about the money.
You just buy it.
Yeah.
If you wanna have sex
with a girl, have sex with her.
You wanna leave
the condom off, go for it.
It feels better that way.
It does.
I think you gotta do exactly
what you wanna do, matter what.
This makes so much sense.
I mean, here I am
living with all these regrets,
thinking I wronged
all these people
and ruined my life.
But you're saying I'm good.
You're good.
Ha!
Thank you, Pop.
I honestly feel so confident
and just fucking bold and great
about all my decisions
and actions now.
Fuck it.
[LAUGHS] Fuck it.
To the moment.
[LAUGHS]
Hey, how's shit going over there
at the kids table?
It sucks.
Boys, I'm sorry
there's no room at the inn.
KENNY:
Ah, no harm, no foul, Pop.
I think it's just more rude
of Casper
to not offer his bed
to guests, but whatever.
Yeah, this will be good.
All right, house rules:
No jerking each other off.
This is my workspace and I don't
want you spraying all over
all my inventions.
We won't, Mr. Powers.
Hey, thanks for showing us
a good time today,
and I appreciate
all that advice.
I look forward
to more tomorrow.
All right.
Good night, son.
Good night, Pop.
Good night, Mr. Powers.
Tell me a story, Kenny.
Not tonight, Stevie.
Not tonight.
KENNY: The good thing about
getting over depression
is, well, you can start to see
your enemies more clearly.
Suddenly everyone
isn't an obstacle.
Just some people are.
And they might be someone
that you find
is in your bloodline.
Distant and as brown
as their skin may be,
they still are
a part of you.
I'm not saying this
from a personal experience.
I'm just saying in general,
if you find someone
you don't like in your family,
it is perfectly okay
to fuck them over.
[♪]
Did you piss?
KENNY: Yes, I did.
And my bladder
is el emptio.
[SIGHS]
Kenny, how long
are we gonna stay here?
Well, it's hard to say, Stevie.
I don't really got shit
going on back in Copales.
Maybe I'll just live here.
Get a job at Dirt Diablos
giving ATV tours. Who knows?
No. No, you cannot do that.
Says who?
It's beneath you.
Beneath me?
Dirt Diablos is beneath me?
Yes.
Here my father gives us
a home to sleep in
and a warm comfortable bed,
and you sit here
and insult the life
he worked so hard to build
outside of my family.
That's not what I'm saying.
Kenny, your dad is cool and all,
but you're not like him.
You're supposed to be
in a baseball field,
surrounded by millions
of people.
Stevie, you don't think
I fucking know all this?
I know it's not ideal, man,
but right now it's the fucking
best option I have.
So please just go back
to sleep on your hay bed
and get some rest.
I got a full day
of outdoing Casper
and bonding with my father.
Kenny, I have something
to tell you
and I am scared
to tell you this...
Stevie just go to sleep,
go to sleep.
Steven go to sleep.
Kenny...
Kenny, I lied.
April and Cutler
are not married.
What the fuck did you just say?
I lied to you.
I lied to you and I'm sorry.
It's just that
when I came down here,
I missed you so much
that I thought...
I thought we could
start our own life here,
where we were just two outlaws
that are just like friends
and doing great...
Aah!
Oh, God. You hit me.
I deserved it.
Yes, you did, Stevie.
I can't believe you'd lie
about that.
Look, I have never
understood the love
between a man
and a woman before
until I met Maria.
And now I realize that
what I did was not right.
It was wrong.
This is some heavy shit
you're dropping on me here.
Kenny, you cannot stay here.
You can still get her back.
[SCOFFS]
[CHUCKLES]
Get her back?
Yeah.
Yeah, right.
Nope, it's over, Stevie.
It's time I take
my dad's advice:
Stop thinking about
other people,
start thinking about me
for once.
Kenny.
I've found my place, Stevie.
If you don't like it,
you can leave.
I intend to enjoy myself.
[BRENTON WOOD'S
"THE OOGUM BOOGUM SONG" PLAYING]
♪ Oogum, oogum
Boogum, boogum ♪
♪ Boogum, now, baby you're
Casting your spell on me ♪
♪ You got me doing funny things
Like a clown ♪
♪ Just look at me ♪
♪ When you wear
Your high-heel boots ♪
♪ With your hip-hugging suit
Huh, it's all right ♪
♪ You're out of sight ♪
[KENNY CHEERING]
[KENNY LAUGH]
Yep, this is the spot.
You gents ever hit this shit?
Does the pope blow little kids?
[ALL LAUGHING]
I figured you did.
I wasn't sure
about Steven there,
but, uh, to be honest,
I'm still kind of up in the air
about what gender he really is.
What? I am obviously
a man, sir.
Ha! Well, that's not
what your pussy doctor says.
Ha-ha!
A fucking pussy doctor!
[KENNY & EDUARDO LAUGH]
Man, oh, man.
This is crazy as shit.
Here, after all this time,
two journeyman, father and son.
Thank you.
Getting high as hell in Mexico.
Just smoking herb and riding
around on recreational vehicles.
I kind of feel like this is how
I was always meant to live.
I've been doing a lot
of soul-searching lately,
and seeing how well me and you
are reconnecting,
I was thinking about sticking
around here for a while.
Because I love you, Dad.
Huh.
I don't usually say "love"
to other dudes.
That's something that's,
you know,
not really on my docket
of shit to do.
But for some reason,
it just feels normal
to say it to you, Pop.
I like it.
I could fucking sit here
and just talk about love
all goddamn day.
Love, love this.
Love smoking weed...
But you don't have to.
I know, but it just...
I don't know.
I just haven't never
done that before.
I think it's okay
for men to have feelings
that they don't
want to express a lot
but that sometimes
they do express.
I think it's okay.
No.
Nope it's not.
Not for you to do it, it's not.
Give that to me.
Thank you.
EDUARDO: Don't give him
anymore of that shit.
No, that's a good rule.
You seem a little distracted
from our pinnacle father/son
bonding moment here.
Everything cool?
Yeah. No, I just thought
I heard something.
Oh, you're getting
a little fucking paranoid?
[ALL LAUGH]
Old Pops fucking getting stoned
like a 14-year-old
Scared thinking the fucking cops
are coming.
[♪]
All right,
now don't do anything stupid.
Oh, who the fuck is this?
The cops are coming for real?
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
These two are the bandidos.
I'm the one that made the call.
Code name Emerald.
Emerald.
You cocksucker.
You betrayed me?
Now... Now don't take it
personally, son.
It's just Mexico.
Goddamn it. Just Mexico?
What kind of shit is this?
Goddamn it! No, I ain't going.
Okay, I'm coming. Fuck.
Oh, shit!
All right, uh, where do I go
to pick up the bounty?
There is no bounty.
Oh, now that's bullshit.
Those two are fugitives.
I turned them in.
A man ought to get a reward.
Now let's just cut through
the Mexican red tape right now.
Yeah, you're right.
Go home, Eduardo.
We'll get it from here.
Fucking snitch.
Oh, you fucking...
Oh, jackals. Fuck.
Okay, I'm in.
[CAR DOOR SLAMS]
[ENGINE STARTS]
Unbelievable!
Asshole.
STEVIE:
I know that it hurts a lot.
Just know that
if you want to cry,
you can and I will not
judge you.
Stevie, I'm not sad, dude.
I'm more just fucking mad.
And I should have
saw this coming.
Me and him are exactly the same
except, you know,
I have talent.
What a fucking mess
everything's become.
Powers.
Sí.
Someone paid your bail.
I do paperwork.
Oh, you do.
Hello, Kenny.
Soledad.
You paid to have me freed?
Mm-hm.
Uh, could you pay
to have me free too?
See why the fuck are you always
trying to horn in
on my moments, dude?
Fine.
I'll just go back here
in Mexican jail.
KENNY:
Goddamn.
I can arrange to have
your friend freed as well.
Yeah, in time.
I want answers first.
Your daddy's
a real motherfucker.
I don't know why
you came to find him.
You don't want to end up
like him.
I mean, he doesn't seem so bad.
He's married to you and owns
a successful ATV tour company.
SOLEDAD: He doesn't own the company.
I do.
His lazy ass has been
mooching off my tit for years.
Hm, so not only
did he fucking sell me out
to the Federales,
but he also is lying about
his whole entire deal here
in Mexico?
SOLEDAD: Yes, he is.
KENNY: Goddamn it.
What a motherfucker.
Well, where is he?
He's in the car.
Just so you know,
I'm planning on leaving him.
If you want to stick around.
Ooh.
How fucked up
would that be, huh?
Oh, very nasty.
[LAUGHS]
STEVIE:
Ooh, you guys are bad.
Why are you shitting
in the prison, Stevie?
Stop looking at me shit!
Stop it!
Haven't you guys ever heard
of Montezuma's revenge?
If you guys knew how
to boil meat or grill it,
this shit
wouldn't be happening.
[DOG BARKING]
Well?
[SIGHS]
I'm sorry I turned you over
to the cops.
Are you sorry for real
or are you just sorry
because Soledad's
is making you?
That woman
can't make me do shit.
Why? Because you wear the pants
in the family
and own the ATV company?
Or because
you're fucking lying?
She blew my cover, huh?
Yeah, you bet your ass she did,
and I'm glad she did.
I came down here looking
for guidance from you,
and instead you intentionally
fucked me.
I just don't understand
why you fucking lied.
Oh, fuck off!
What are you coming back at me
all high and mighty?
You're no angel.
You think what you're doing down
here is any different?
Running around Mexico
talking about
how you wanna get back
in the majors.
You're living a lie, son.
Welcome to the club.
Crazy.
Here I grow up a whole
entire world away from you
and end up exactly like you.
A lying, cheating,
backstabbing gigolo.
Well, you know what?
I don't think I wanna be
like you anymore.
Well, maybe I'll see you
in hell then.
The old Powers men tag team
and a couple of she-devils.
I got two hard rules
I live by, Pop.
I don't fuck with the devil
and I never do tag teams
with blood relatives.
Take it easy, old man.
Where are you going?
KENNY:
Home.
Can we give you a lift?
Nah, I think we're good.
So are we just gonna walk?
No, Stevie, we're not gonna
fucking walk.
[THE SLITS' "I HEARD IT THROUGH
THE GRAPEVINE" PLAYING]
♪ I bet, I bet, I bet ♪
♪ I bet you're wondering
How I knew ♪
♪ About your plans
To make me blue ♪
♪ With some other guy
That you knew before ♪
♪ We're two of a kind ♪
♪ You know
I love you more ♪
♪ Took me by surprise
I must say ♪
♪ When I found out yesterday ♪
♪ Oh, I heard it
Through the grapevine ♪
♪ Not much longer
Will you be mine ♪
♪ Oh, I heard it
Through the grapevine ♪
♪ And I'm just about
To lose my mind ♪
♪ Honey, honey ♪
[PHONE LINE RINGING]
♪ The grapevine
The grapevine ♪
♪ How much longer
Will you be mine, baby? ♪
APRIL [ON RECORDING]:
Hi, this is April.
I'm not home right now,
but leave a message
and I'll get back to you.
Thanks.
[MACHINE BEEPS]
I'm coming for you.
Sync by Parasight
eastbound.and.down.s02e05.dvdrip.xvid-reward
♪ About your plans
To make me blue ♪
♪ With some other guy
You knew before ♪
♪ We're two of a kind ♪
♪ You know
I love you more ♪
♪ You could have
Told me yourself ♪
♪ That you loved ♪
♪ Oh, loved ♪
♪ I heard it
Through the grapevine ♪
♪ Not much longer
Will you be mine ♪
♪ Oh, I heard it
Through the grapevine ♪
♪ I'm, I'm just about
To lose my mind ♪
♪ Honey, honey ♪
♪ I heard it
Through the grapevine ♪
♪ How much longer
Will you be my baby? ♪
♪ I heard it
Through the grapevine ♪
♪ How much longer
Will you be my baby? ♪
♪ I heard it
Through the grapevine ♪
♪ How much longer
Will you be my baby? ♪
♪ Grapevine, grapevine ♪
♪ Da, da, da, da ♪
♪ Just about to lose
My mind ♪
♪ And I'm just about
To lose my mind ♪
♪ And I'm just about
To lose my mind ♪
♪ And I'm just about
To lose my mind ♪