Dwight in Shining Armor (2018–2021): Season 5, Episode 8 - The Scrying Pool - full transcript

Dwight: Previously
on Dwight in Shining Armor.

- Hello, my sweet.

- Ragana.

- We know
who the memory thief is.

Contrarian: Who?

Dwight: Our history teacher,
but not really.

Baldric: We need
forget-me-not flowers.

Gretta: What do you remember?

Dwight: Not much.

Ragana: [yells and snaps]

Hexela: No, you don't!



Dwight: Ow!

[yelling]

[explosion]

Ow!

Hey!

Baldric: I fear we have not seen
the last of them.

[explosion]

Both: Ah!

Ragana: Ah!

You bongling, bumbling buffoon!

Mr. Hammond: Calm yourself.

Ragana: They know everything!

Mr. Hammond: So?

They bother us again,



I'll just steal their memories
like I always do.

- Now we have Hexela
to deal with.

- Ragana,
are you actually worried

about this witch friend
of yours?

- Hexela is
no common witch.

- Huh.

I don't think
I've ever seen you sweat.

- I'm beginning to have
some serious doubts

about this little venture
of yours.

- Hmm.

What can I say?

How about tough luck, honey.

- You insufferable, brute.

- Heartless hag.

You and I have a bargain.

An unbreakable pact.

- [laughs]

You are a darling little devil.

- And you are
a wicked little witch.

Don't you worry.

No one can stop us now.

We have time on our side.

[ominous music]

Dwight: Okay, so about
a thousand years ago,

there was this princess, Gretta.

And she was in big trouble

because she had lots of enemies
and not a lot of friends.

♪

So, her court magician, Baldric
cast the champion spell.

It put everyone
in the woods to sleep

until a champion would come,

break the spell with his kiss

and deal with Gretta's
big, scary enemies.

But that guy,

never showed up.

Ah!

Instead,

[kiss]

they got me.

♪

Ah!

♪

Ow!

♪

[crickets chirping]

[crickets chirping]

Baldric: Prince Chlodwig has
the first watch.

I will take the second.

Gretta: We can't just wait here
pacing the floor,

just waiting
for them to attack us.

- I don't think
they plan to attack us.

Not yet.

- When then?

How do we guess
their next move?

Thank you.

- All this time,

Hammond has had
the upper hand

because we had
no memories of him,

but now we remember everything.

- This time,
make no mistake,

I will win and you will lose.

Dwight: Mr. Hammond?

- What's wrong?

Jacopo: RUN!

- I came here
to steal a memory from you,

so that I could kill you.

[breathing heavily]

Dwight: Gretta,

I don't know
what's gonna happen,

or why Mr. Hammond
is the bad guy now

or what he is going to do,

but this kinda feels like
it could be it.

- It?

- Where the story ends for us?

Right here.

Right now.

- Then we die with honor.

Dwight: Not sure
how you can die with honor

in a bathroom stall,

but um, I'm,

what I'm,

that's not
what I'm trying to say,

I, uh...

♪

- What are you trying to say?

- I'm okay with it.

I'd do it all again.

Even if it ends like this,

'cause um, you're the best thing
that's ever happened to me.

You're the best friend
I've ever had, and--

[main door opens]

[clattering]

- Hey.

Baldric: Sir Dwight.

- Huh?

Baldric: Do you have
any memories

that pertain to this crisis?

- Uh.

Nope.

No, nothing, all that pertinent.

Here, have some chamomile.

It'll calm your nerves.

- Hammond's head
on a pike would calm my nerves.

- Ew.

Gretta: [sighs]

[emotional]
It was him all along,

he had my father eaten
by fairies.

He, he turned my mother
into an oak tree.

He attacked
my cliffside fortress,

and my desert fortress,
and my swamp fortress,

and my underground fortress,

and forced us to flee
into the woods.

He is the one who laid siege
on my castle.

He's the reason I'm called
Princess Gretta the Besieged!

- We get it,
he's like your Voldemort.

Gretta: He is my uncle.

The only family I have.

- That's not true.

You have us.

We're your family, Gretta.

- Hammond and Ragana
have been in league

from the beginning.

- She cast the liven spell

and brought the stone soldiers
to life.

And she killed Yetza to do it.

- I remember.

I looked out from the tower.

I saw the stone soldiers
surrounding the castle.

And I saw Hammond leading them.

- No wonder you panicked
and put everybody to sleep.

- 'Twas a spell
of last resort.

Dwight: So Ragana and Hammond
are like

a super evil power couple
and now they're back?

Chlodwig: [clears throat]

I am pleased to report

that the first watch has passed
without disturbance.

- Thank you, Chlodwig.

Baldric: The second watch
is mine.

Hexela: I'll join you.

Baldric: Ah.

Highness.

You need to eat something.

- I'm not hungry.

Baldric: Prince Chlodwig,
check the icebox.

I believe we have pizzas
from the Red Baron.

- Huzzah.

Baldric: Sir Dwight.

Stoke the oven.

Dwight: Copy that.

Baldric: We must all keep up
our strength.

Hexela: Baldric?

Whatever else must be done,
I will see to Ragana.

Promise you will leave her
to me.

- For another witch's brawl?

- For a witch's trial.

I appreciate
your vigilance, Baldric.

And you do look dashing
by torchlight.

- Indeed.

Hexela: But
it doesn't make sense.

Baldric: What doesn't?

- Hammond has had
scores of chances

to kill the princess.

What is he waiting for?

There must be something else
he wants.

Baldric: Sweet heaven.

The scrying pool.

Hexela: He couldn't.

You're the only one
who knows how.

- Not anymore.

- [gasp]

Baldric: I buried the knowledge
as deeply as I could,

but Hexie, he found it.

He knows.

[dribbling water]

Ragana: [bored groan]

This is taking ages!

Mr. Hammond: Just a few more
buckets-ful.

Get the charts.

And I bought a set
of engraving tools

on the counter.

In the Amazon box.

- Don't boss me.

- Don't stand there
like a lazy brat.

- What makes you think
this will work?

Mr. Hammond: It worked
for Baldric.

Ragana: Well, Baldric is
an extraordinary magician

and you are nothing
but a common thief.

- A thief maybe
but not a common one.

- Oh, Hammond.

[gasp]

My clever dear!

Oh my darling,
devious boy, you...

you're going to be king!

- That's our bargain.

You will give me,
the kingdom of Rogemore.

- And you will give me
your soul.

[laughs]

I can hardly even wait.

Mr. Hammond: Uh, uh, uh, uh.

Only when I'm good and dead.

- Of course, my sweet.

[shink]

Dwight: I don't know guys,

Mr. Hammond's had
a million chances to kill us,

why would he do it now?

Gretta: Because he is
a vile, villainous, Voldemorter.

I know his methods.

He'll besiege our stronghold

and try either
to break our fortifications

or starve us out.

- Oh, that reminds me,

I need to set a timer
for the pizzas.

Chlodwig: The Red Baron
shan't see us through a siege,

Sir Dwight.

- We need an ample supply
of saltfish and hogs.

- I'll find the pig farmer.

- Sir Dwight and I
shall rouse the fishmonger.

Dwight: Wait, wait, wait,
whoa, whoa, whoa,

no pig farmers, no fishmongers.

- You don't understand,
Sir Dwight.

Hammond has been trying
to kill me

since the day I was born.

He will not stop now.

Chlodwig: Confound
my ancient self!

He came all the way
through the cosmos

from the future to warn you
about lemon fritters

and said not a word

about this greatest
of all threats.

- Chlodwig.

He tried.

- Gretta?

Gretta: Do I know you?

Ancient Chlodwig: I have
a warning from the future!

Gretta: From the future?

- What warning?

- Doom! Doom! Doom!

Mr. Hammond: Uh, sir,
are you okay?

Ancient Chlodwig:
Oh, out of my way!

Gretta, Baldric,
you must listen.

- I think
he might be having a stroke.

- We're listening.

What is your warning?

- My warning?

- Yes.

Ancient Chlodwig: Um, uh.

I don't recall.

Um, um, I know I had a warning,

and it was
a very good warning.

- Well, no doubt.

Ancient Chlodwig: It was
never eat the last lemon fritter

at a dwarf banquet.

[slap]

- Man, that guy sucks.

[notification]

Oh, pizzas are ready.

- Allow me!

Dwight: Wha, uh.

Gretta?

Gretta: Hand me that bludgeon,
Sir Dwight.

- Uh, oh sure thing,

um, here you go.

Gretta, so uh,

now that we have
our memories back,

you might remember a,

a conversation we had in a...

toilet stall.

Um, or maybe you don't remember.

- I remember.

Dwight: You do?

Well.

It seems like that conversation
deserves a follow-up.

Gretta: I think so.

Dwight: We were interrupted,

right in the middle of--

[door clatters open]

Gretta: [frustrated] Mm.

- I know Hammond's plan.

Gretta: What?

- He's building a scrying pool.

Chlodwig: [muffled] A what?

Gretta: [small sigh]

- A scrying pool
allows your soul

and only your soul
to travel through time

to your own body
in the past.

Hexela: So you can only travel
into your own past

in your own life.

- Correct.

Hexela: And you're sure
you can't come back again

to the present?

- Never.

- So, what's
in Hammond's past

that he wants to get back to?

- Rogemore.

Before the champion spell.

Before it was forgotten.

Chlodwig: The villain means
to return to Rogemore of old.

- To kill me there...

and steal my kingdom.

- Well, that's not gonna happen.

'Cause we are gonna stop him.

Mr. Hammond: You're sure
you've read those charts right?

Ragana: I know my astrology.

- If we're off
by even a week.

Ragana: Hammond,
you are annoying me.

Go sit in a corner somewhere.

- [yelling]
I'm not gonna--

[calmly] I'm not going to sit
in a corner,

you rotten little witch.

I'm the ruler of Rogemore.

Ragana: No, not yet you're not,
you little snot-nose.

- It took me four years

to assemble the stone soldiers,

we must go back
to the very moment

when they're ready.

Ragana: You're blocking my light
and I can't see what I'm doing.

- [frustrated sigh]

You're taking forever.

- Well, that's because
I take pride in my work.

You know I was thinking,
my love.

- Of a way to do that faster?

- Of your plan.

Mr. Hammond:
What about my plan?

Ragana: Well, it's lovely,
sweetums,

um, but might I offer
a few suggestions.

- No.

Fine.

What?

- For the liven spell to work,

to bring your stone soldiers
to life.

- Yes.

- It requires the life
of a witch.

- So.

- So, the stronger the witch,

the stronger your soldiers
will be.

- Go on.

- You need a stronger witch.

Hm?

[giggling]

Dwight: So you're saying
Mr. Hammond has a dungeon,

like an actual dungeon dungeon
in the maintenance room?

Baldric: Exactly, so this is
where he held me prisoner

as he pilfered my memories.

Dwight: Oo.

[door opens quietly]

Chlodwig: Glory to the brave.

[tapping]

- It's ready!

- Finally!

We're going home!

- I think not!

Ha!

You are foiled!

- Who's he?

Mr. Hammond:
[dismissive sound]

Ragana: Ha!

[explosion]

Dwight: Chlodwig!

Hexela: [gasps]

A parsnip!

Really, love.

Was that necessary?

[growls]

Dwight: Hey!

Put Chlodwig down!

Ragana: Hexela,
stay out of this!

- Oh, Ragana.

What have you gotten yourself
into?

- Sweet heaven.

Gretta: Don't move.

Mr. Hammond: Oh, you got me.

Good job.

- We know your plan.

- Not for long.

Dwight: Hey,
I still remember stuff,

do you guys
still remember stuff?

- Everything.

- Let me try that again.

- Everybody still good?

Gretta: This is
my Uncle Hammond,

who murdered my father,

had my mother turned
into an oak tree,

and has been trying to kill me
all my life.

Baldric: And he is also
the memory thief.

Dwight: Only I guess not
anymore, huh.

- But, how.

- The forget-me-nots,
you blockhead.

Now you can never steal
their memories of you again.

Mr. Hammond: You know I actually
like it better this way.

You know who I am,

you know
that I'm going to kill you,

and there's nothing
you can do to stop it.

Gretta: No!

Hexela: [gasps]

[explosion]

Chlodwig: Witches.

Gretta: They're gone.

Baldric: This can only mean...

quickly, we still have time.

Dwight: Time for what?

Baldric: To stop them.

Dwight: Ew.

Dude just dissolved.

Hexela: But,
how do we stop them, Baldric?

- Not how,

when.

When have they gone?

To the night the siege started.

Hexela: Why then?

- They mean to attack us.

Hexela: With the stone soldiers.

The liven spell.

Chlodwig: They'll besiege
the castle once more.

Baldric: All so Hammond can...

- Kill me.

Baldric: The past is
not yet decided.

But we must go.

Now.

Hexela: You mean to follow them.

- But if we enter
the scrying pool...

- We cannot come back.

I am sorry, princess,
but there is no other way.

- Then let's go.

Come on guys,
we go in together on three.

What?

Guys!

We gotta go!

- You cannot go, Sir Dwight!

When we enter
the scrying pool,

these bodies will dissolve,

our souls will pass
through the pool

and enter our bodies
the day the siege began

a thousand years ago,

but you were not there
that day.

You have no body to return to.

Dwight: So, what are you saying?

That, that, that I, that we,

Gretta: That
we must say goodbye.

Dwight: Can't you just
come back?

Can't you just go stop Hammond

and then jump back
through the pool thing?

- There's no returning
through a scrying pool.

When we return to our past

it will be
as if we were never here.

If we defeat Hammond,

there will be no need for me
to cast the champion spell.

And if we fail to defeat
him...

Chlodwig:
We shall have died trying.

- Hm.

- Wait, wait,
so you're saying that.

- You won't even
remember us.

- Yes, I will.

I will.

Hexela: Are you sure,
Sir Dwight?

Baldric: Might it not be easier
to just forget?

- Yeah, probably
but I don't care.

I want to remember.

- Go ahead, Sir Dwight.

- [sob]

Highness, forgive me,
we must go.

When we return to the past
we will be in the castle,

preparing for the siege.

We must get word
to Lady Ermingarde.

I will break
through the lines--

Chlodwig: No,
you stay with Gretta.

I'll bring Lady Ermingarde
to your rescue.

Hexela: And I will find Ragana.

Dwight: You know,
uh, just, I'll be here.

- God save you, Sir Dwight.

You were
and ever after will be,

the greatest champion
in the history of Rogemore.

Hexela: Sir Dwight,

I leave you
my witch's blessing.

[slap]

Dwight: [groan]

- Use it wisely.

- Mmhm.

- Okay.

Dwight: [emotional] Hey, buddy.

Chlodwig:
Fare thee well, brother.

No tears.

We are men of iron.

- Yeah.

Bye, buddy.

[sniff]

- [crying]

- Gretta.

Gretta: [crying]

Baldric: Princess.

Gretta: [crying]

Gretta: [crying]

Baldric: Ready?

Ha.

- You will always be
my champion.

- Gretta,

I l--

♪