Dwight in Shining Armor (2018–2021): Season 3, Episode 8 - Sporg - full transcript
- Someone is unearthing
the Tovenaar's bones.
- Do you know anything
about a big hole
in somebody's lawn out
on Oak Street?
- Or any of the other holes
that have appeared
here recently?
- Get inside.
I don't know what
I do at night.
From sundown to sunrise,
[clatter ]
i- it's a blank.
I found something
this morning in my pocket.
- Any idea where this came from?
Mr. Dale: From there.
Hexela: He has
the bones, Baldric.
Baldric: How many?
Hexela: All but one.
Mr. Dale: Wake up.
Wake up!
[whack]
Yow!
[shaking mouth]
[scared sounds]
Dwight: Gretta, you okay?
Gretta: What happened?
- Looks like
the bad guys got us.
Mr. Dale: [sighs]
I heard them talking.
I don't know why, but
they're assembling a skeleton.
- You're certain?
Mr. Dale: They said
they had 205 bones.
- That's what you were
adding up on the napkin.
Mr. Dale: And only one left
to find.
- Thank goodness!
- Why are
we thanking goodness?
- They don't know
where the last bone is.
Mr. Dale: Interesting.
Are you saying you do know
where it is?
- That's the Tovenaar relic
Wenzo Thief stole
and hid in our flagon.
- The little box thing.
Gretta: That's what Sir Aldred
was looking for
that day in my castle.
- And then we ended up
doing the Hopak
for like an hour.
Mr. Dale: Go back to where
you said it was in your flagon.
Is it still there?
- [grunts]
No, I gave it to Hexela.
- Hexela?
- For safe keeping.
- Ah.
Music to my ears.
[latch clanks]
[rolling]
[footsteps]
- Well-played, brother.
- Whaaat?!
♪
Dwight: Okay, so,
about a thousand years ago,
there was this princess, Gretta,
and she was in big trouble,
because she had lots of enemies
and not a lot of friends.
So, her court magician, Baldric,
cast the Champion Spell.
It put everyone in the woods
to sleep
until a champion would come,
break the spell
with his kiss,
and deal with
Gretta's big, scary enemies.
But that guy never showed up.
Instead--
Aaaahhh!
[kiss]
They got me.
Aahh!
♪
Ow!
♪
♪
♪
- No!
[rustling]
- Mr. Dale,
what are you doing?
Mr. Dale: [grunts]
Gretta: [breathing heavily]
Dwight: Ewww.
Gretta: [gasps]
Sir Aldred: Allow me
to present Hildenfff-- fff--
- --frufrick.
- Ah, yes.
Hildenfrufrick,
my Tovenaar brother.
- Oh, of course.
- Hildenfrufrick.
Mr. Dale: That's my name.
- Really?
You're all buying that?
Gretta: This Tovenaar
has possessed Mr. Dale's body.
This... Hildenfrufrick.
Dwight: I'm sorry,
that's a totally made-up name.
Mr. Dale: Now can we eat
their brains and innards?
Sir Aldred: Why not?
This calls for a celebration!
[soft thwapping]
[panicked breathing]
Jacopo: How may
I serve you, Magnifico?
- Two tankards of your best.
Mr. Dale: And a cleaver.
Jacopo: With the greatest
of haste.
[frightened breathing]
Mr. Dale:
So, who is this Hexela?
- Remember?
The witch.
The one I told you about.
The sock.
- Oh. Her?
- Yeah.
- Really?
Ooh!
[knocking]
- Ah, our libation.
Sir Aldred: Ah.
♪
Jacopo: Your Shasta, Eccellenza,
with a meat-a cleaver
on the side.
[laughs evilly]
[frightened breathing]
Mr. Dale: A toast.
Sir Aldred: Ah.
Mr. Dale: To...
Sir Aldred, without whose help,
I would forever be a pile
of dismembered bones.
- And to you, Helgefriffred...
the first of my fallen brothers
to rise from the ground.
- First of many.
Sir Aldred: Hear, hear!
[laughing]
Jacopo: Do these
two snotty-nosed children
disturb you?
Allow me to dispose of them
for you.
It will take me but a moment
and give me [chuckling]
mountains of joy.
Mr. Dale: Well, everything
but the brains and innards.
Oh, and bring me a skillet.
Sir Aldred: We've no time
for brains and innards,
Hilbenfluffnick.
You keep watch.
I'm off.
Mr. Dale: To find the witch?
- Yes, indeed.
And I give you my word,
I shall return
with your proximal phalanx.
[clapping]
[frightened breathing]
- Neither the princess
nor Sir Dwight answer
when I beckon.
- We can't wait, Baldric.
- Hexela, we go now
to fight a Tovenaar.
- [sighs]
Baldric: I cannot charge
into certain death
without taking proper leave
of the princess.
- Oh, Baldric.
You really are a-
[door opens]
[gasps]
Sir Aldred: Ah.
There you are, my darling.
Hexela: Now--
[deep magical reverberation]
- Hexie!
[crash]
[grunting]
Sir Aldred: Do you know
this one?
- I do.
- I don't.
Hexela: Uh, it's a Magnet Maker.
Sir Aldred: Right you are.
You were drawn to the floor
like a lump of iron to a magnet.
Hexela: [frustrated grunt]
Sir Aldred: Always delightful.
Hexela: [grunting]
Sir Aldred: Ah.
Just like old times.
- No.
Oh!
[whir]
Stop right there, you cad!
Oh!
This is a gross invasion
of my privacy!
- Now to find the key.
[whistling]
♪
[clinking]
[creaking]
♪
Baldric: Halt! Thief!
- Wait!
Can't we talk, my love?
Baldric: What--
Hexela: Huh?
I miss us.
I miss the way we were.
Huh?
[giggling]
- Another time, dearest.
- Huh?
Sir Aldred: When we're not
quite so rushed.
- [frustrated] Oohh.
[door opens]
- [humpf]
- Boop.
Boop.
Yay!
- Yay!
- [chuckles]
- Bellisima!
Principessa.
Champion Boy.
This is a very bad place
for you.
Dwight: Yeah, we know.
Gretta: [whispering]
Cut us loose.
- I-- I--
- Pineapple Shasta,
my good man.
- Certamente.
Signore.
[thunk]
Jacopo: [clears throat]
I will return in...
one minute's time.
Maybe two minutes.
Shall we say 90 seconds
at the maximum?
- Splendid.
- Si.
Grazie.
I go.
Mr. Dale: Ha-ha.
[chuckling]
[metallic swish]
Gretta: We're saved.
Dwight: Only if I can cut
through this in 90 seconds!
[cutting]
- [gasps]
Gretta: [breathing heavily]
- Yay!
Gretta and Dwight:
One, two, three.
Jacopo: Ready, everybody,
for more
of the bubbly Shasta?
[cutting]
- [chugging]
- We'll just be going now.
Right now.
[final metallic swish]
We go!
- [spits]
Hold it!
Sir Aldred: Huzzah!
Jacopo: Porca miseria.
- Not now.
Sit!
[crash]
The day is ours, brother!
- [gasps]
You got it.
[metallic swish]
[click]
Sir Aldred:
Would you do the honors?
[dramatic music]
- It's so little!
Sir Aldred: This is the moment
we've been waiting for
for centuries.
♪
- I feel
I should make a speech.
Sir Aldred: Put the bone
in the toe, Hibbenfruffel.
Mr. Dale: Right away.
- At long last.
- Heaven preserve us.
♪
[whooshing]
[bones crackling]
[whooshing]
[bones crackling]
- We run away now, si?
Dwight and Gretta: [agreeing]
Jacopo: Go, go.
[whooshing and crackling]
Jacopo: The demon lives!
Scatter to the winds!
Hide in the caves!
Save the children!
- Stop!
What do we do?
- Run for our lives.
Dwight: What?!
Gretta: [grunting] No.
- Really?
That's all you've got?
We need some kind of plan!
Are you calling the police?
- I am getting
as far away from here as I can.
Jacopo: Bravo, signore.
I go in search of a deep cavern
to hide myself
while the world ends in flames.
Addio!
[running]
Mr. Dale:
I'm thinking Madagascar.
Oh! Here's my Uber.
- To Madagascar?
Mr. Dale: Airport!
- Come, Sir Dwight.
[door opens]
- No! Baldric!
Baldric!
Baldric: Princess!
- Are you hurt?
Baldric: We're stuck.
- To the floor.
Dwight: Stuck with like, glue?
- With a Magnet Maker spell.
- May the spell be broken?
Hexela: Yes.
Quickly, Sir Aldred has taken
the last Tovenaar Relic.
Baldric: We must stop him
before he--
- Too late.
- [grumbles] No.
Dwight: Skeleton guy's back.
- Oh.
Dwight: But at least Mr. Dale's
not possessed anymore.
Huh?
- Where is he?
- On a flight to Madagascar.
- The Tovenaar.
Gretta: He's with Sir Aldred
at the Swine and Slosh Tavern.
- Quickly!
The gloves!
Baldric: On the floor.
Hexela: Aahh!
Don't touch them!
Are you mad?!
[growl]
My teapot, on the table.
Yes.
Dwight: Um...
Hexela: Pour the tea
on the gloves.
- Oh.
Uh...
[sizzling]
[sizzling]
[whooshing]
- Oh!
Baldric: [grunts]
- You drink that stuff?
Hexela: [grunting]
Baldric: [panting]
A second Tovenaar has risen.
Hexela: Are you certain?
- We watched it
with our own eyes.
Baldric and Hexela: [sigh]
- Maybe we're making
a way bigger deal than it is.
There was one Tovenaar,
now there's two.
Is that really the end
of the world?
Gretta, Hexela, and Baldric:
Yes.
- 'Kay.
Gretta: They won't stop
at two.
They intend to bring
all the Tovenaars back.
Baldric, what shall we do?
- Run.
Dwight: Wait!
Hey, hey, hey,
what do you mean, run?
Run where?
Hexela: Why not Madagascar?
- We already know
somebody there!
- Yes!
Dwight: [stammering]
Gretta!
Somebody has to stop
these guys.
If not us,
then who's going to do it?
- You...
want to fight a brotherhood
of Tovenaars?
- There's two guys.
- Technically a brotherhood.
- Look,
I don't wanna fight anybody.
But we can't just run and--
and let the dark times return.
- What is your plan,
Sir Dwight?
- Okay, um...
So, I--
I know Tovenaars
are hard to kill.
- Impossible.
Dwight: They die,
they come back,
they die, they come back.
- 'Tis a problem.
Dwight: But there has to be
a way to make them dead-dead.
- Uh-- Wh--
- None that I know of.
- To Madagascar.
Hexela: But that is not to say
that someone else
may not know the answer.
- Who?
- An ancient creature,
with ancient knowledge.
[clap]
There is much to do.
We leave at first light.
Baldric: [grunts in agreement]
[crackling]
[whooshing]
- [high-pitched giggling]
[clears throat]
- Sporg?
Sporg!
Sporg: Now,
before you do anything rash--
[hard slap]
Sporg: Ah.
Sir Aldred: Of all the Tovenaars
in all the world -
- You broke my new nose!
- It had to be you!
- You might at least pretend
to be happy to see me.
Sir Aldred: [groans]
Sporg: We're part
of the same brotherhood.
- If I'd have known
it was you,
I would have left you
in the ground.
- I thought
you might feel that way.
Sir Aldred: [muttering]
Hilgenfreffrick.
- I had to make something up.
Sir Aldred:
It's all your fault.
- That's not fair.
- If I had been
at our last battle,
the Tovenaars might have won!
We might still be ruling
the world!
- Who's to say, really?
Sir Aldred: But I wasn't
there, was I, Sporg?
I couldn't make it, could I?
- Now brother,
that was ages ago.
- You pushed me
in a sticky bog.
Sporg: Not on purpose!
- Every man in our brotherhood
fell that day,
and I was stuck
in a sticky bog!
Sporg: Well...
yes, they're pridefully sticky.
Sir Aldred: [scoffs]
[sighs]
I can't do this anymore.
- Now, now.
You're just exhausted.
- Fifteen centuries
I toiled night and day
to bring back
my fallen brothers.
- And look!
I'm here!
Sir Aldred:
It's not worth it.
[thump]
- The chance at unrivaled power
is not worth it?
- No.
Sporg: All the brains
and innards you can eat
is not worth it?
- You're just in this
for the brains and innards,
aren't you?
- I enjoy the spoils
of world dominion, yes.
Sir Aldred: [scoffs]
- Together, brother,
we can bring back
the dark times.
- I'd rather be a pig farmer.
A dung merchant.
A rat catcher.
Sporg: Come now.
We can still rule the world
in tyranny!
Sir Aldred: [sighs]
- You know you want to!
Hexela: Here.
I printed out the words
for everyone.
Baldric: Hm.
Hexela: There we go.
Baldric: [clears throat]
Baldric: Uuargghhwaaappppfffttt.
Hexela: A little more gghh
on the uuargghh.
Baldric: [gghhs]
Hexela: Hexcellent.
Dwight: Um, what does this mean?
Hexela: Oh,
it loosely translates to...
[screaming] "Help!
"For the sake
of the children!
"For the love of humanity!
Save us!"
- 'Kay.
Hexela: Together on three.
[clears throat]
Dwight: Wait, no, I--
Hexela: One, two, three.
Dwight: Wait, uh--
All: Uuargghhwaaappppfffttt!
Mwagghhwagghwa!
Pthhh!
Gheeegh!
[guttural sounds]
[spitting]
Hexela: Sh.
Dwight: [spits]
[bird chirping]
Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]
- Winnie!
- [speaking Wyvernese]
Hexela: [speaking Wyvernese]
Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]
Hexela: [speaking Wyvernese]
Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]
Hexela: [snorts]
Dwight: [snorts]
Winnie: [spits]
Hexela: [gasps]
The evil that was buried here
now walks the earth.
Will you flee,
or will you fight?
- Both options suck.
- Yes.
Dwight: It doesn't do anybody
any good to pick a fight
with dudes who can't die.
- There must be a way
to return them
to their graves for good.
- [grunts]
- [speaking Wyvernese]
- You mean,
to make them dead-dead?
- Yeah.
- [speaking Wyvernese]
Hexela: There is one way.
Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]
Hexela: Others have tried.
Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]
Hexela: All have failed.
Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]
Hexela: But they were not you.
Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]
- Me?
- [speaking Wyvernese]
[whoosh]
Hexela: Every man
in the Tovenaar brotherhood
is marked with a brand
burning in an immortal flame.
The mark of this flame
is what keeps him alive.
[chewing]
Hexela: Oh, do you want me to--
Oh.
Put out the flame.
Just psstt.
- That - that's it?
Hexela: Uh-huh, psstt.
Dwight: You just--
- Where is
the immortal flame?
- [speaking Wyvernese]
Hexela: It burns in a cave.
Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]
Hexela: High in the--
Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]
- [gasps] Pyrenees.
Dwight: Wait, wait, wait,
the Pyrenees Mountains?
In Spain?
Gretta: How shall we get
to the Pyrenees?
Baldric: Hm.
We'll need a team
of stout horses
and a wagon for supplies.
We will sell those for a ship
once we reach the sea.
Gretta: There's no time
for such a journey.
Dwight: Uh...
Gretta: Surely, you must have a
spell that can get us there.
Baldric: Even with my scepter,
I don't think I could, Highness.
Gretta: What of you?
Hexela: [laughs]
I mean, I do have my talents,
to be sure, but this is...
[chewing]
Baldric: We would need someone
who can bend time and space.
- I think I know a guy.
- [speaking Wyvernese]
- Hm. You know,
I think this last resurrection
took a few pounds off.
Not bad.
Not bad at all.
Sir Aldred: I could have been
a haberdasher.
My parents were haberdashers.
They were happy people.
Sporg: You've just had
a nasty shock.
- Sporg, this will never work.
I'm an immensely powerful
wizard
and you're
a dim-witted dingleberry.
- Can a dim-witted
dingleberry do this?
[clucking like a chicken]
- I'm leaving.
[raven crowing]
Sporg: [crowing]
[raven crowing]
[Sporg and raven crowing]
- What are you doing?
- Uh, just chit-chat
for the moment.
Breaking the ice.
[raven crowing]
- You talk to ravens.
- [scoffs]
Not just to ravens, brother.
To any winged, feathered fowl.
Birds are a remarkable source
of information.
[crowing]
They see practically everything
and spread the word
with astonishing speed.
[clicking tongue]
[crowing]
You ever wondered what birds
are so busy chirping about
all the time?
- No.
Sporg: And they keep
a remarkably-detailed
oral history.
- Good to know.
[raven crowing]
And now I bid you
a final definitive goodbye.
- Just ask it.
Ask it anything.
- Where are the bones
of the other Tovenaars?
- [crowing and clicking]
[raven crowing]
- Uh, in secret places
all over the world.
- Hm.
Knew that.
[raven crowing]
- But, Osric the Grim
wanted to make sure
that no Tovenaar skeleton
could ever be rebuilt,
so he kept one bone
from each Tovenaar
and hid them all
in a secret and secure place.
- Go on.
[scratching]
Gretta: [sighs]
My most revered Uncle Arnolf,
I seek an audience
with your impressiveness
to discuss a matter
of immense and urgent importance
to all humanity,
both born and unborn.
- That outta get
his attention.
Gretta: Most gratefully,
and with the utmost esteem
and awareness
of my total insignificance
in the grand cosmic scheme,
Princess Gretta the Besieged.
Baldric: Good.
Now seal it.
[paper crinkling]
- [sighs]
[blows]
♪
- Great.
So, do we mail it to him, or...
[whoosh]
Dwight: Ahh!
Baldric: Let's hope
that works.
- What did you do?!
- That's how
we send all correspondence
to Uncle Arnolf.
- 'Kay, so, how do we know
that he got it?
[knocking]
♪
- [sighs]
♪
♪
♪
the Tovenaar's bones.
- Do you know anything
about a big hole
in somebody's lawn out
on Oak Street?
- Or any of the other holes
that have appeared
here recently?
- Get inside.
I don't know what
I do at night.
From sundown to sunrise,
[clatter ]
i- it's a blank.
I found something
this morning in my pocket.
- Any idea where this came from?
Mr. Dale: From there.
Hexela: He has
the bones, Baldric.
Baldric: How many?
Hexela: All but one.
Mr. Dale: Wake up.
Wake up!
[whack]
Yow!
[shaking mouth]
[scared sounds]
Dwight: Gretta, you okay?
Gretta: What happened?
- Looks like
the bad guys got us.
Mr. Dale: [sighs]
I heard them talking.
I don't know why, but
they're assembling a skeleton.
- You're certain?
Mr. Dale: They said
they had 205 bones.
- That's what you were
adding up on the napkin.
Mr. Dale: And only one left
to find.
- Thank goodness!
- Why are
we thanking goodness?
- They don't know
where the last bone is.
Mr. Dale: Interesting.
Are you saying you do know
where it is?
- That's the Tovenaar relic
Wenzo Thief stole
and hid in our flagon.
- The little box thing.
Gretta: That's what Sir Aldred
was looking for
that day in my castle.
- And then we ended up
doing the Hopak
for like an hour.
Mr. Dale: Go back to where
you said it was in your flagon.
Is it still there?
- [grunts]
No, I gave it to Hexela.
- Hexela?
- For safe keeping.
- Ah.
Music to my ears.
[latch clanks]
[rolling]
[footsteps]
- Well-played, brother.
- Whaaat?!
♪
Dwight: Okay, so,
about a thousand years ago,
there was this princess, Gretta,
and she was in big trouble,
because she had lots of enemies
and not a lot of friends.
So, her court magician, Baldric,
cast the Champion Spell.
It put everyone in the woods
to sleep
until a champion would come,
break the spell
with his kiss,
and deal with
Gretta's big, scary enemies.
But that guy never showed up.
Instead--
Aaaahhh!
[kiss]
They got me.
Aahh!
♪
Ow!
♪
♪
♪
- No!
[rustling]
- Mr. Dale,
what are you doing?
Mr. Dale: [grunts]
Gretta: [breathing heavily]
Dwight: Ewww.
Gretta: [gasps]
Sir Aldred: Allow me
to present Hildenfff-- fff--
- --frufrick.
- Ah, yes.
Hildenfrufrick,
my Tovenaar brother.
- Oh, of course.
- Hildenfrufrick.
Mr. Dale: That's my name.
- Really?
You're all buying that?
Gretta: This Tovenaar
has possessed Mr. Dale's body.
This... Hildenfrufrick.
Dwight: I'm sorry,
that's a totally made-up name.
Mr. Dale: Now can we eat
their brains and innards?
Sir Aldred: Why not?
This calls for a celebration!
[soft thwapping]
[panicked breathing]
Jacopo: How may
I serve you, Magnifico?
- Two tankards of your best.
Mr. Dale: And a cleaver.
Jacopo: With the greatest
of haste.
[frightened breathing]
Mr. Dale:
So, who is this Hexela?
- Remember?
The witch.
The one I told you about.
The sock.
- Oh. Her?
- Yeah.
- Really?
Ooh!
[knocking]
- Ah, our libation.
Sir Aldred: Ah.
♪
Jacopo: Your Shasta, Eccellenza,
with a meat-a cleaver
on the side.
[laughs evilly]
[frightened breathing]
Mr. Dale: A toast.
Sir Aldred: Ah.
Mr. Dale: To...
Sir Aldred, without whose help,
I would forever be a pile
of dismembered bones.
- And to you, Helgefriffred...
the first of my fallen brothers
to rise from the ground.
- First of many.
Sir Aldred: Hear, hear!
[laughing]
Jacopo: Do these
two snotty-nosed children
disturb you?
Allow me to dispose of them
for you.
It will take me but a moment
and give me [chuckling]
mountains of joy.
Mr. Dale: Well, everything
but the brains and innards.
Oh, and bring me a skillet.
Sir Aldred: We've no time
for brains and innards,
Hilbenfluffnick.
You keep watch.
I'm off.
Mr. Dale: To find the witch?
- Yes, indeed.
And I give you my word,
I shall return
with your proximal phalanx.
[clapping]
[frightened breathing]
- Neither the princess
nor Sir Dwight answer
when I beckon.
- We can't wait, Baldric.
- Hexela, we go now
to fight a Tovenaar.
- [sighs]
Baldric: I cannot charge
into certain death
without taking proper leave
of the princess.
- Oh, Baldric.
You really are a-
[door opens]
[gasps]
Sir Aldred: Ah.
There you are, my darling.
Hexela: Now--
[deep magical reverberation]
- Hexie!
[crash]
[grunting]
Sir Aldred: Do you know
this one?
- I do.
- I don't.
Hexela: Uh, it's a Magnet Maker.
Sir Aldred: Right you are.
You were drawn to the floor
like a lump of iron to a magnet.
Hexela: [frustrated grunt]
Sir Aldred: Always delightful.
Hexela: [grunting]
Sir Aldred: Ah.
Just like old times.
- No.
Oh!
[whir]
Stop right there, you cad!
Oh!
This is a gross invasion
of my privacy!
- Now to find the key.
[whistling]
♪
[clinking]
[creaking]
♪
Baldric: Halt! Thief!
- Wait!
Can't we talk, my love?
Baldric: What--
Hexela: Huh?
I miss us.
I miss the way we were.
Huh?
[giggling]
- Another time, dearest.
- Huh?
Sir Aldred: When we're not
quite so rushed.
- [frustrated] Oohh.
[door opens]
- [humpf]
- Boop.
Boop.
Yay!
- Yay!
- [chuckles]
- Bellisima!
Principessa.
Champion Boy.
This is a very bad place
for you.
Dwight: Yeah, we know.
Gretta: [whispering]
Cut us loose.
- I-- I--
- Pineapple Shasta,
my good man.
- Certamente.
Signore.
[thunk]
Jacopo: [clears throat]
I will return in...
one minute's time.
Maybe two minutes.
Shall we say 90 seconds
at the maximum?
- Splendid.
- Si.
Grazie.
I go.
Mr. Dale: Ha-ha.
[chuckling]
[metallic swish]
Gretta: We're saved.
Dwight: Only if I can cut
through this in 90 seconds!
[cutting]
- [gasps]
Gretta: [breathing heavily]
- Yay!
Gretta and Dwight:
One, two, three.
Jacopo: Ready, everybody,
for more
of the bubbly Shasta?
[cutting]
- [chugging]
- We'll just be going now.
Right now.
[final metallic swish]
We go!
- [spits]
Hold it!
Sir Aldred: Huzzah!
Jacopo: Porca miseria.
- Not now.
Sit!
[crash]
The day is ours, brother!
- [gasps]
You got it.
[metallic swish]
[click]
Sir Aldred:
Would you do the honors?
[dramatic music]
- It's so little!
Sir Aldred: This is the moment
we've been waiting for
for centuries.
♪
- I feel
I should make a speech.
Sir Aldred: Put the bone
in the toe, Hibbenfruffel.
Mr. Dale: Right away.
- At long last.
- Heaven preserve us.
♪
[whooshing]
[bones crackling]
[whooshing]
[bones crackling]
- We run away now, si?
Dwight and Gretta: [agreeing]
Jacopo: Go, go.
[whooshing and crackling]
Jacopo: The demon lives!
Scatter to the winds!
Hide in the caves!
Save the children!
- Stop!
What do we do?
- Run for our lives.
Dwight: What?!
Gretta: [grunting] No.
- Really?
That's all you've got?
We need some kind of plan!
Are you calling the police?
- I am getting
as far away from here as I can.
Jacopo: Bravo, signore.
I go in search of a deep cavern
to hide myself
while the world ends in flames.
Addio!
[running]
Mr. Dale:
I'm thinking Madagascar.
Oh! Here's my Uber.
- To Madagascar?
Mr. Dale: Airport!
- Come, Sir Dwight.
[door opens]
- No! Baldric!
Baldric!
Baldric: Princess!
- Are you hurt?
Baldric: We're stuck.
- To the floor.
Dwight: Stuck with like, glue?
- With a Magnet Maker spell.
- May the spell be broken?
Hexela: Yes.
Quickly, Sir Aldred has taken
the last Tovenaar Relic.
Baldric: We must stop him
before he--
- Too late.
- [grumbles] No.
Dwight: Skeleton guy's back.
- Oh.
Dwight: But at least Mr. Dale's
not possessed anymore.
Huh?
- Where is he?
- On a flight to Madagascar.
- The Tovenaar.
Gretta: He's with Sir Aldred
at the Swine and Slosh Tavern.
- Quickly!
The gloves!
Baldric: On the floor.
Hexela: Aahh!
Don't touch them!
Are you mad?!
[growl]
My teapot, on the table.
Yes.
Dwight: Um...
Hexela: Pour the tea
on the gloves.
- Oh.
Uh...
[sizzling]
[sizzling]
[whooshing]
- Oh!
Baldric: [grunts]
- You drink that stuff?
Hexela: [grunting]
Baldric: [panting]
A second Tovenaar has risen.
Hexela: Are you certain?
- We watched it
with our own eyes.
Baldric and Hexela: [sigh]
- Maybe we're making
a way bigger deal than it is.
There was one Tovenaar,
now there's two.
Is that really the end
of the world?
Gretta, Hexela, and Baldric:
Yes.
- 'Kay.
Gretta: They won't stop
at two.
They intend to bring
all the Tovenaars back.
Baldric, what shall we do?
- Run.
Dwight: Wait!
Hey, hey, hey,
what do you mean, run?
Run where?
Hexela: Why not Madagascar?
- We already know
somebody there!
- Yes!
Dwight: [stammering]
Gretta!
Somebody has to stop
these guys.
If not us,
then who's going to do it?
- You...
want to fight a brotherhood
of Tovenaars?
- There's two guys.
- Technically a brotherhood.
- Look,
I don't wanna fight anybody.
But we can't just run and--
and let the dark times return.
- What is your plan,
Sir Dwight?
- Okay, um...
So, I--
I know Tovenaars
are hard to kill.
- Impossible.
Dwight: They die,
they come back,
they die, they come back.
- 'Tis a problem.
Dwight: But there has to be
a way to make them dead-dead.
- Uh-- Wh--
- None that I know of.
- To Madagascar.
Hexela: But that is not to say
that someone else
may not know the answer.
- Who?
- An ancient creature,
with ancient knowledge.
[clap]
There is much to do.
We leave at first light.
Baldric: [grunts in agreement]
[crackling]
[whooshing]
- [high-pitched giggling]
[clears throat]
- Sporg?
Sporg!
Sporg: Now,
before you do anything rash--
[hard slap]
Sporg: Ah.
Sir Aldred: Of all the Tovenaars
in all the world -
- You broke my new nose!
- It had to be you!
- You might at least pretend
to be happy to see me.
Sir Aldred: [groans]
Sporg: We're part
of the same brotherhood.
- If I'd have known
it was you,
I would have left you
in the ground.
- I thought
you might feel that way.
Sir Aldred: [muttering]
Hilgenfreffrick.
- I had to make something up.
Sir Aldred:
It's all your fault.
- That's not fair.
- If I had been
at our last battle,
the Tovenaars might have won!
We might still be ruling
the world!
- Who's to say, really?
Sir Aldred: But I wasn't
there, was I, Sporg?
I couldn't make it, could I?
- Now brother,
that was ages ago.
- You pushed me
in a sticky bog.
Sporg: Not on purpose!
- Every man in our brotherhood
fell that day,
and I was stuck
in a sticky bog!
Sporg: Well...
yes, they're pridefully sticky.
Sir Aldred: [scoffs]
[sighs]
I can't do this anymore.
- Now, now.
You're just exhausted.
- Fifteen centuries
I toiled night and day
to bring back
my fallen brothers.
- And look!
I'm here!
Sir Aldred:
It's not worth it.
[thump]
- The chance at unrivaled power
is not worth it?
- No.
Sporg: All the brains
and innards you can eat
is not worth it?
- You're just in this
for the brains and innards,
aren't you?
- I enjoy the spoils
of world dominion, yes.
Sir Aldred: [scoffs]
- Together, brother,
we can bring back
the dark times.
- I'd rather be a pig farmer.
A dung merchant.
A rat catcher.
Sporg: Come now.
We can still rule the world
in tyranny!
Sir Aldred: [sighs]
- You know you want to!
Hexela: Here.
I printed out the words
for everyone.
Baldric: Hm.
Hexela: There we go.
Baldric: [clears throat]
Baldric: Uuargghhwaaappppfffttt.
Hexela: A little more gghh
on the uuargghh.
Baldric: [gghhs]
Hexela: Hexcellent.
Dwight: Um, what does this mean?
Hexela: Oh,
it loosely translates to...
[screaming] "Help!
"For the sake
of the children!
"For the love of humanity!
Save us!"
- 'Kay.
Hexela: Together on three.
[clears throat]
Dwight: Wait, no, I--
Hexela: One, two, three.
Dwight: Wait, uh--
All: Uuargghhwaaappppfffttt!
Mwagghhwagghwa!
Pthhh!
Gheeegh!
[guttural sounds]
[spitting]
Hexela: Sh.
Dwight: [spits]
[bird chirping]
Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]
- Winnie!
- [speaking Wyvernese]
Hexela: [speaking Wyvernese]
Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]
Hexela: [speaking Wyvernese]
Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]
Hexela: [snorts]
Dwight: [snorts]
Winnie: [spits]
Hexela: [gasps]
The evil that was buried here
now walks the earth.
Will you flee,
or will you fight?
- Both options suck.
- Yes.
Dwight: It doesn't do anybody
any good to pick a fight
with dudes who can't die.
- There must be a way
to return them
to their graves for good.
- [grunts]
- [speaking Wyvernese]
- You mean,
to make them dead-dead?
- Yeah.
- [speaking Wyvernese]
Hexela: There is one way.
Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]
Hexela: Others have tried.
Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]
Hexela: All have failed.
Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]
Hexela: But they were not you.
Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]
- Me?
- [speaking Wyvernese]
[whoosh]
Hexela: Every man
in the Tovenaar brotherhood
is marked with a brand
burning in an immortal flame.
The mark of this flame
is what keeps him alive.
[chewing]
Hexela: Oh, do you want me to--
Oh.
Put out the flame.
Just psstt.
- That - that's it?
Hexela: Uh-huh, psstt.
Dwight: You just--
- Where is
the immortal flame?
- [speaking Wyvernese]
Hexela: It burns in a cave.
Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]
Hexela: High in the--
Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]
- [gasps] Pyrenees.
Dwight: Wait, wait, wait,
the Pyrenees Mountains?
In Spain?
Gretta: How shall we get
to the Pyrenees?
Baldric: Hm.
We'll need a team
of stout horses
and a wagon for supplies.
We will sell those for a ship
once we reach the sea.
Gretta: There's no time
for such a journey.
Dwight: Uh...
Gretta: Surely, you must have a
spell that can get us there.
Baldric: Even with my scepter,
I don't think I could, Highness.
Gretta: What of you?
Hexela: [laughs]
I mean, I do have my talents,
to be sure, but this is...
[chewing]
Baldric: We would need someone
who can bend time and space.
- I think I know a guy.
- [speaking Wyvernese]
- Hm. You know,
I think this last resurrection
took a few pounds off.
Not bad.
Not bad at all.
Sir Aldred: I could have been
a haberdasher.
My parents were haberdashers.
They were happy people.
Sporg: You've just had
a nasty shock.
- Sporg, this will never work.
I'm an immensely powerful
wizard
and you're
a dim-witted dingleberry.
- Can a dim-witted
dingleberry do this?
[clucking like a chicken]
- I'm leaving.
[raven crowing]
Sporg: [crowing]
[raven crowing]
[Sporg and raven crowing]
- What are you doing?
- Uh, just chit-chat
for the moment.
Breaking the ice.
[raven crowing]
- You talk to ravens.
- [scoffs]
Not just to ravens, brother.
To any winged, feathered fowl.
Birds are a remarkable source
of information.
[crowing]
They see practically everything
and spread the word
with astonishing speed.
[clicking tongue]
[crowing]
You ever wondered what birds
are so busy chirping about
all the time?
- No.
Sporg: And they keep
a remarkably-detailed
oral history.
- Good to know.
[raven crowing]
And now I bid you
a final definitive goodbye.
- Just ask it.
Ask it anything.
- Where are the bones
of the other Tovenaars?
- [crowing and clicking]
[raven crowing]
- Uh, in secret places
all over the world.
- Hm.
Knew that.
[raven crowing]
- But, Osric the Grim
wanted to make sure
that no Tovenaar skeleton
could ever be rebuilt,
so he kept one bone
from each Tovenaar
and hid them all
in a secret and secure place.
- Go on.
[scratching]
Gretta: [sighs]
My most revered Uncle Arnolf,
I seek an audience
with your impressiveness
to discuss a matter
of immense and urgent importance
to all humanity,
both born and unborn.
- That outta get
his attention.
Gretta: Most gratefully,
and with the utmost esteem
and awareness
of my total insignificance
in the grand cosmic scheme,
Princess Gretta the Besieged.
Baldric: Good.
Now seal it.
[paper crinkling]
- [sighs]
[blows]
♪
- Great.
So, do we mail it to him, or...
[whoosh]
Dwight: Ahh!
Baldric: Let's hope
that works.
- What did you do?!
- That's how
we send all correspondence
to Uncle Arnolf.
- 'Kay, so, how do we know
that he got it?
[knocking]
♪
- [sighs]
♪
♪
♪