Dwight in Shining Armor (2018–2021): Season 3, Episode 9 - Uncle Arnolf - full transcript
Baldric: A second Tovenaar
has risen?
Sporg: [high-pitched cackle]
[smack]
- If I had known it was you,
I would have left you
in the ground!
- There must be a way
to return them to their graves
for good?
Hexela: Put out the flame.
Gretta: How shall we get
to the immortal flame?
Baldric: We would need someone
who can bend time.
- That's how we send
all correspondence
to Uncle Arnolf.
- So, how do we know
that he got it?
[knocking]
[knocking]
Gretta: We mustn't irritate him.
- Got it.
Baldric: He's
a very particular man.
[knocking]
Gretta: And a bit vindictive.
- Oh, I know.
Gretta: But he is the one chance
of saving us now.
- If he will.
Gretta: [heavy sigh]
Dwight: Uncle Arno....
Gretta: Ugh.
Chlodwig!
Chlodwig: I come bearing
doughnuts.
Baldric: Oo.
I'll take one.
Chlodwig: And this one
is yours by rights, Sir Dwight.
- It is?
Chlodwig: You are after all
a member in good standing
in the Order of Guy Club.
Gretta: Chlodwig,
this is important.
- Most important.
The honor has fallen upon me
to host this month's
Guy Club assembly.
- What?
- Assembly?
[knocking]
Baldric: Oo.
Uh.
Gretta: It's him.
- Oh, uh.
- I'm here for the thing.
- Uh.
- I've got Fudge Stripes.
- Enter, brother.
Care for a doughnut?
Dronelover #99: Hey!
- Chlodwig, this is
actually a really bad time.
[knocking]
Dwight: Got it.
Come on in.
Have a doughnut.
- Ah, welcome!
You brought a pie!
- It's a quiche.
Chlodwig: Oh, what a fellow!
Baldric: Prince Chlodwig,
take your doughnuts
and your quiche pies hence.
- What's amiss, fellows?
- It's kinda the end
of the world, buddy.
Baldric: Get these poopnoddys
out of here!
- Poopnoddys?
[knocking]
Allow me.
Dwight: Uh.
- Am I late?
- Exactly punctual, brother.
Do come in.
Dwight: Hey.
Gretta: Enough, Chlodwig!
The second Tovenaar
has risen.
Chlodwig: How?
Dwight: Long story.
Chlodwig: When?
Baldric: Last night.
Gretta: There is one chance
of stopping them.
Man: Have you got a knife?
- [muffled] And some milk.
[knocking]
Gretta: Uh.
Baldric: Oh.
Gretta: [frustrated growl]
Get off my step
before I boil the oil!
Uncle Arnolf!
I- I-
Dwight: She did not mean you!
Gretta: I most certainly
did not.
Baldric: Do come in.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Gretta: Would you like
a doughnut?
Or a Fudge Stripe
or a quiche?
Dronelover #99: Welcome
to Guy Club.
- We have orange pop too.
- I have no need of you.
[Pfff]
Baldric: Oh.
[small boom]
Dwight: But, where did they go?
- On a journey
through the cosmos.
- And when
are they coming back?
- Who?
Dwight: Chlodwig!
And the- the Guy Club guys.
You're bringing
them back, right?
- This is tiresome.
I'm leaving.
Baldric and Gretta:
No, no, no, no, no.
Gretta: We thank you
for coming Uncle Arnolf.
Arnolf: Indeed.
Your letter smelled of...
hysteria.
Baldric: The situation
is most dire.
- Says you.
- [small puff]
Gretta: Uncle Arnolf,
the Tovenaar
that was once buried
in this dark realm has risen.
- It was only a matter of time.
♪
Dwight: Okay, so about
a thousand years ago,
there was this princess, Gretta.
And she was in big trouble
because she had lots of enemies
and not a lot of friends.
♪
So, her court magician,
Baldric cast the Champion Spell.
It put everyone in the woods
to sleep
until a champion would come,
break the spell with his kiss
and deal with Gretta's
big, scary enemies.
But that guy never showed up.
Instead...
[kiss]
they got me.
Ah!
♪
Ow!
♪
♪
[hawk cry]
Sir Aldred: This is
where Osric hid one bone
from each Tovenaar?
Sporg: So said the raven.
Within that crypt.
- I've been here.
I've looked in that crypt.
I would know if it was packed
full of Tovenaar bones.
- The raven was most emphatic.
- If I open that crypt
and find it empty,
I'll stuff that bird
with all his bird friends
and roast them on a spit.
- Careful, brother.
You don't want to make
an enemy of the birds.
[scrape]
- Well, that's a surprise.
Could there be another crypt
in here?
Sir Aldred: Sporg,
I'm gonna kill you now
and put you back
in your boxes.
Sporg: Or maybe...
Hello.
What's this?
- [gulping]
Dwight: So, I have to come back
to the Guy Club guys.
We can't just leave them
in the cosmos.
- [satisfied exhale]
This makes everything worth it.
Baldric: Ah.
Gretta: Uncle Arnolf,
the Tovenaars mean to bring
back their brotherhood.
We must act quickly.
Baldric: Their strength grows
by the hour.
- Only if they have found
the reliquary.
- [stammers]
- The reliquary?
- Where Osric the Grim
hid one bone
from each Tovenaar slain.
- He did what?
[clank]
[scraping]
[distant howl]
- Osric wanted to ensure
that no Tovenaar skeleton
could ever be complete.
So no Tovenaar could ever
rise again.
He built a reliquary
in a secret location,
and guarded it
with a deadly spell.
Sporg: Who's that
do you suppose?
- Not one of us.
- Osric thought
he was so clever.
Put all your eggs
in one basket,
then guard that basket.
Dwight: Wait, if there's
one bone from each Tovenaar
all together
in one hiding place...
Gretta: If someone were to find
that hiding place...
Baldric: They could use
the bones to find all the rest.
[ominous music]
♪
♪
- Aldred!
I found something.
- So did I.
[ominous music]
- [crazed laughter]
- We did it!
Sir Aldred: We did it.
We did it.
They're all here.
All our brothers.
Every one.
Sporg: The dark times return!
Both: [ecstatic shouts]
Sporg: Yes!
Yes!
Just a-- Wait just a minute.
I'm confused.
If one bone
from each Tovenaar is here...
Dwight: Well then how did
Sir Aldred find the bones
for the dude
he just brought back?
- That's a question
for a thief.
And I know just the one.
[magical zip]
Wenzo: Ya, cha, cha, chi.
Ya, cha, chi.
Ya, cha, chi.
[poof]
Dwight: [freaked out noises]
Oh.
- Wenzo Thief.
Wenzo: Mm, mm,
it's Wenzo Pretzelmaker now.
Dwight: Hm, nice!
Look at you!
I'm proud of you, man.
Wenzo: Thank you.
Bob says,
if I play my cards right,
I may one day be
Wenzo Franchiseowner.
Would anyone like a pretzel?
We have sea salt,
cinnamon sugar.
- Oh.
Gretta: Now is not the time
for pretzels.
- [singsong] Cinnamon sugar.
- Perhaps a cinnamon, why not?
Baldric: The Tovenaar bone
that you stole
from Her Highnesses castle,
what do you know about it?
- No, sorry.
I swore to my father
I would never repeat that tale.
[metallic draw]
- Although he is dead,
I suppose
I could repeat the tale.
[small laugh]
[knife re-sheathed]
Wenzo: Gather round.
It happened one night long ago,
when my father,
Bozos Thief was but a lad.
He and his brother, Fonzo--
- Fonzo?
- Yes, Fonzo.
They entered your castle bent
on burglary.
They came quite by accident
to the secret chamber
and found within
the stone crypt.
Thinking it to be filled
with treasure
they pried it open,
but found nothing inside,
except a simple brass ring.
Fonzo grabbed the ring
and found
that it opened a hidden door
with a staircase leading down.
[scraping]
My father stood watch
while Fonzo descended the stairs
and found thousands
of Tovenaar relics.
Baldric: Thousands?
Wenzo: Yes.
Now Fonzo knew the value
of such a find,
so he began to fill his bags
with all the relics
he could carry,
but when he crossed
the threshold of the crypt,
the spell that guarded
those relics took its revenge.
[footsteps]
[thunk]
Sir Aldred: Ow.
[grunts]
What a nuisance.
[thud]
- Ah floof.
[thunk]
I hate this part.
[crash]
[whisperings]
Wenzo: The relics fell back
whence they had come.
And Uncle Fonzo with them,
just as the entry closed fast.
But one little relic,
tumbled from Fonzo's hands,
rattled in the crypt
and as fate willed it
was not sealed up
with the others.
My father fled for his life
and never spoke
of what he had seen.
Well, I should say that he never
spoke of what he saw that night
until we were flat broke
in the poor house,
and then he spoke
of what he saw that night.
We figured
if we could sell the relic,
for a pretty penny
if we found the right buyer.
- [sigh] Sir Aldred.
Baldric: Then, Sir Aldred knows
about the reliquary.
Wenzo: No, no, no, no, no.
No, we kept that part
of the story to ourselves.
- Oh.
- Why?
Wenzo: Well, we had no desire
to meet Uncle Fonzo's fate,
or Uncle Fonzo's remains.
- Eugh.
- So the relic
that bounced around the crypt
and got stuck...
- Was the one that you stole.
Wenzo: And I gave back
to you, as you recall.
Gretta: That I gave
to Hexela.
Dwight: That Sir Aldred stole
from Hexela last night.
Baldric: Most unfortunately.
Dwight: And used to make
the dead skeleton guy not dead.
Wenzo: [exhales]
- Huzzah.
Mystery solved.
[magical zip]
- I'm off in like 20
if you guys wanted to hang out.
[surprised exclamations]
Baldric: [panicked exclamation]
[clears throat]
Dwight: So, maybe
it's not as bad as we thought.
Huh?
Sounds like anybody
that tries to take a bone
from Osric's basement
ends up dead.
- But Tovenaars don't stay dead.
[blowing]
[blowing]
[blowing]
- That wasn't too bad.
Though still not
my favorite sensation.
Remember the first time
you died, Aldred?
[laughs]
- You dropped me off a cliff.
- Slip of the hands.
Sir Aldred: And not a week later
you crushed me with an ox.
Sporg: Dreadful way to die.
Sir Aldred: When I think
of how many times
you've killed me...
Sporg: Never by design.
Whatever faults I have,
my heart is pure.
Now let's go
take over the world.
Arnolf: Well,
if that's all you needed,
I'm off.
- But wait, Uncle Arnolf,
please.
Dwight: What about Chlodwig?
- Who?
- Dude, really?
Gretta: We spoke to a wyvern
who said that if we put out
the immortal flame
the Tovenaars will be dead
for good.
Arnolf: It's not as easy
as you think
to put out the immortal flame.
All who have tried
have failed.
- We will not yield
without a fight.
Though we may be doomed
for failure, we must try.
- I suppose, why not?
Gretta: But the immortal flame
is in a cave in the Pyrenees.
Baldric: And time
is running out.
Arnolf: Ta-ta-ta,
Time doesn't run
so much as spin
in joyful circles
while drifting down a lazy,
winding, bending stream.
- 'Kay.
- Can you get us
to the immortal flame?
- [inhales slowly]
Yes.
But you will need permission.
Gretta: Permission?
Baldric: From whom?
- You would embark
on a quest
to change the trajectory
of events and alter the future.
- Eh, yeah.
Yeah.
- You need permission.
From fate.
[knocking]
- [sighs]
There is no Guy Club
assembly today.
If another Guy Club poopnoddy
darkens this door.
Oh.
Hexie.
- I'm ready for Madagascar.
Baldric: That
may not be necessary.
Enter, enter.
Come.
- Oh.
[gasp]
Oh, sweet heaven, he came.
- Wait, fate's a person?
- Who told you that?
- You said we had
to get permission from fate.
- Why would you assume--
Gretta: How do we get permission
from fate?
- First, you must find her.
- Fate's a woman.
- [exasperated sigh]
She is neither a person,
nor a woman.
This is fate.
Baldric: No, don't.
Dwight: A bellybutton owl?
Arnolf: She has crossed
your path before,
has she not, young champion?
- Yeah, on the day that--
that was why
I was in the woods.
- Where do we find her?
- In the last place you saw her.
[birds calling]
Sporg: There's a conversation
we should have sooner
rather than later.
Is there anyone
in the brotherhood
we just as soon stayed
in the ground,
if you know what I mean?
- I know exactly
what you mean.
Sporg: Now's our chance
to trim the dead wood.
- There's one name
that comes to mind.
Sporg: Probably the same
I'm thinking of.
Sir Aldred: Probably not.
[birds chirping]
Gretta: Oh,
my bladder's leaking.
Dwight: Oh, geez.
Hey, don't feel bad,
accidents happen
to everyone at every age.
Gretta: Ugh.
Dwight: Wait, what bladder
are we talking about?
- Have you any water?
- Yeah, yeah, sure thing.
I hope you don't mind
distilled water.
Nana's got me
on this colon rinse.
From a spring in Tibet.
Gretta: Hm.
Dwight: So there's
no fluorine compounds
or hormones in it..
- [swishes]
Mm.
[birds calling]
Dwight: It was right
around here.
It feels like yesterday
but like a lifetime ago.
I saw the bellybutton owl,
I went to take a picture.
Ah!
You know the rest.
Um.
We should put up
some caution tape.
[mystical hooting]
[silent except for footsteps]
- You hear that?
- What?
- Not a sound.
Gretta: I am Princess Gretta
the Besieged,
Eleventh Great Granddaughter
of Osric the Grim
and the last heir
to the House of Moondragon.
- I'm Dwight.
Gretta: If you truly are fate,
then you know what we want,
and what's at stake.
We must stop the Tovenaars
lest the world be plunged
into neverending night.
Dwight: And the way to do
that is well--
you probably already know,
but we have to put out
this immortal flame.
- In the Pyrenees Mountains.
Dwight: Uncle Arnolf
is handling logistics.
Gretta: We ask for a token
of your permission.
[splat]
Dwight: Eww.
[sudden bird cacophony]
Sir Aldred: What is it?
Sporg: Quite the hullabaloo.
Fate favors the princess
and her champion.
Could that be
the same princess?
- What else?!
- The passage will open.
They go to quench the flame.
[birdcalls continue]
Arnolf: Mm.
A well-executed quiche Lorraine.
I should like to complement
the chef.
Baldric: You sent him
on a journey through the cosmos.
Arnolf: Oh.
Then, never mind.
[panting]
Baldric: Did you find fate?
Dwight: I think so.
Hexela: Did she give you
permission?
Dwight: Oh,
she gave us something.
Baldric: An owl pellet.
Arnolf: Incredible.
That means that, that you,
that means that now
[laughing]
I didn't think I would live
to see this day.
[sighs]
Give it to me.
Now, assemble your forces!
Gretta: Our forces?
Dwight: This is what we got.
- Just you?
You four?
Uh.
I will offer you an ally.
Only one.
Only temporarily.
Any person living or dead
from any stretch
of the universe.
Only speak the name,
[snap]
and they shall appear.
Baldric: Uh.
Arnolf: Well, who shall it be?
- Uh.
- Anyone, from anywhere?
- We should choose
a warrior, perhaps--
Hexela: Don't speak it!
- [sigh]
Hexela: We only get one chance.
- We need a wizard.
- Yes.
Baldric: The most powerful
wizard of all time was--
Hexela: Sh.
Baldric: Sh. Sh.
Gretta: Who shall it be?
The warrior or the wizard?
Hexela: I vote for the wizard.
Baldric: And I!
- Hm.
Gretta: Then speak his name,
and summon him.
Baldric: [clearing throat
aggressively]
We call as our ally--
- Chlodwig.
Baldric, Hexela and Gretta:
What!?
Arnolf: The name is spoken.
[pffft]
[poof]
Baldric: Oh.
Gretta: Ugh.
- Doughnut, anyone?
Arnolf: I just ate
half a quiche.
- I'm good, man.
Thanks.
But welcome back.
Take your time, buddy.
- I have seen things.
Oooo.
Orange soda.
Baldric: We could have had
Otto the Omnipotent!
Arnolf: It is fulfilled.
[small explosion]
[gasping]
Arnolf: At long last,
the hour has come.
[winds swirling]
♪
has risen?
Sporg: [high-pitched cackle]
[smack]
- If I had known it was you,
I would have left you
in the ground!
- There must be a way
to return them to their graves
for good?
Hexela: Put out the flame.
Gretta: How shall we get
to the immortal flame?
Baldric: We would need someone
who can bend time.
- That's how we send
all correspondence
to Uncle Arnolf.
- So, how do we know
that he got it?
[knocking]
[knocking]
Gretta: We mustn't irritate him.
- Got it.
Baldric: He's
a very particular man.
[knocking]
Gretta: And a bit vindictive.
- Oh, I know.
Gretta: But he is the one chance
of saving us now.
- If he will.
Gretta: [heavy sigh]
Dwight: Uncle Arno....
Gretta: Ugh.
Chlodwig!
Chlodwig: I come bearing
doughnuts.
Baldric: Oo.
I'll take one.
Chlodwig: And this one
is yours by rights, Sir Dwight.
- It is?
Chlodwig: You are after all
a member in good standing
in the Order of Guy Club.
Gretta: Chlodwig,
this is important.
- Most important.
The honor has fallen upon me
to host this month's
Guy Club assembly.
- What?
- Assembly?
[knocking]
Baldric: Oo.
Uh.
Gretta: It's him.
- Oh, uh.
- I'm here for the thing.
- Uh.
- I've got Fudge Stripes.
- Enter, brother.
Care for a doughnut?
Dronelover #99: Hey!
- Chlodwig, this is
actually a really bad time.
[knocking]
Dwight: Got it.
Come on in.
Have a doughnut.
- Ah, welcome!
You brought a pie!
- It's a quiche.
Chlodwig: Oh, what a fellow!
Baldric: Prince Chlodwig,
take your doughnuts
and your quiche pies hence.
- What's amiss, fellows?
- It's kinda the end
of the world, buddy.
Baldric: Get these poopnoddys
out of here!
- Poopnoddys?
[knocking]
Allow me.
Dwight: Uh.
- Am I late?
- Exactly punctual, brother.
Do come in.
Dwight: Hey.
Gretta: Enough, Chlodwig!
The second Tovenaar
has risen.
Chlodwig: How?
Dwight: Long story.
Chlodwig: When?
Baldric: Last night.
Gretta: There is one chance
of stopping them.
Man: Have you got a knife?
- [muffled] And some milk.
[knocking]
Gretta: Uh.
Baldric: Oh.
Gretta: [frustrated growl]
Get off my step
before I boil the oil!
Uncle Arnolf!
I- I-
Dwight: She did not mean you!
Gretta: I most certainly
did not.
Baldric: Do come in.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Gretta: Would you like
a doughnut?
Or a Fudge Stripe
or a quiche?
Dronelover #99: Welcome
to Guy Club.
- We have orange pop too.
- I have no need of you.
[Pfff]
Baldric: Oh.
[small boom]
Dwight: But, where did they go?
- On a journey
through the cosmos.
- And when
are they coming back?
- Who?
Dwight: Chlodwig!
And the- the Guy Club guys.
You're bringing
them back, right?
- This is tiresome.
I'm leaving.
Baldric and Gretta:
No, no, no, no, no.
Gretta: We thank you
for coming Uncle Arnolf.
Arnolf: Indeed.
Your letter smelled of...
hysteria.
Baldric: The situation
is most dire.
- Says you.
- [small puff]
Gretta: Uncle Arnolf,
the Tovenaar
that was once buried
in this dark realm has risen.
- It was only a matter of time.
♪
Dwight: Okay, so about
a thousand years ago,
there was this princess, Gretta.
And she was in big trouble
because she had lots of enemies
and not a lot of friends.
♪
So, her court magician,
Baldric cast the Champion Spell.
It put everyone in the woods
to sleep
until a champion would come,
break the spell with his kiss
and deal with Gretta's
big, scary enemies.
But that guy never showed up.
Instead...
[kiss]
they got me.
Ah!
♪
Ow!
♪
♪
[hawk cry]
Sir Aldred: This is
where Osric hid one bone
from each Tovenaar?
Sporg: So said the raven.
Within that crypt.
- I've been here.
I've looked in that crypt.
I would know if it was packed
full of Tovenaar bones.
- The raven was most emphatic.
- If I open that crypt
and find it empty,
I'll stuff that bird
with all his bird friends
and roast them on a spit.
- Careful, brother.
You don't want to make
an enemy of the birds.
[scrape]
- Well, that's a surprise.
Could there be another crypt
in here?
Sir Aldred: Sporg,
I'm gonna kill you now
and put you back
in your boxes.
Sporg: Or maybe...
Hello.
What's this?
- [gulping]
Dwight: So, I have to come back
to the Guy Club guys.
We can't just leave them
in the cosmos.
- [satisfied exhale]
This makes everything worth it.
Baldric: Ah.
Gretta: Uncle Arnolf,
the Tovenaars mean to bring
back their brotherhood.
We must act quickly.
Baldric: Their strength grows
by the hour.
- Only if they have found
the reliquary.
- [stammers]
- The reliquary?
- Where Osric the Grim
hid one bone
from each Tovenaar slain.
- He did what?
[clank]
[scraping]
[distant howl]
- Osric wanted to ensure
that no Tovenaar skeleton
could ever be complete.
So no Tovenaar could ever
rise again.
He built a reliquary
in a secret location,
and guarded it
with a deadly spell.
Sporg: Who's that
do you suppose?
- Not one of us.
- Osric thought
he was so clever.
Put all your eggs
in one basket,
then guard that basket.
Dwight: Wait, if there's
one bone from each Tovenaar
all together
in one hiding place...
Gretta: If someone were to find
that hiding place...
Baldric: They could use
the bones to find all the rest.
[ominous music]
♪
♪
- Aldred!
I found something.
- So did I.
[ominous music]
- [crazed laughter]
- We did it!
Sir Aldred: We did it.
We did it.
They're all here.
All our brothers.
Every one.
Sporg: The dark times return!
Both: [ecstatic shouts]
Sporg: Yes!
Yes!
Just a-- Wait just a minute.
I'm confused.
If one bone
from each Tovenaar is here...
Dwight: Well then how did
Sir Aldred find the bones
for the dude
he just brought back?
- That's a question
for a thief.
And I know just the one.
[magical zip]
Wenzo: Ya, cha, cha, chi.
Ya, cha, chi.
Ya, cha, chi.
[poof]
Dwight: [freaked out noises]
Oh.
- Wenzo Thief.
Wenzo: Mm, mm,
it's Wenzo Pretzelmaker now.
Dwight: Hm, nice!
Look at you!
I'm proud of you, man.
Wenzo: Thank you.
Bob says,
if I play my cards right,
I may one day be
Wenzo Franchiseowner.
Would anyone like a pretzel?
We have sea salt,
cinnamon sugar.
- Oh.
Gretta: Now is not the time
for pretzels.
- [singsong] Cinnamon sugar.
- Perhaps a cinnamon, why not?
Baldric: The Tovenaar bone
that you stole
from Her Highnesses castle,
what do you know about it?
- No, sorry.
I swore to my father
I would never repeat that tale.
[metallic draw]
- Although he is dead,
I suppose
I could repeat the tale.
[small laugh]
[knife re-sheathed]
Wenzo: Gather round.
It happened one night long ago,
when my father,
Bozos Thief was but a lad.
He and his brother, Fonzo--
- Fonzo?
- Yes, Fonzo.
They entered your castle bent
on burglary.
They came quite by accident
to the secret chamber
and found within
the stone crypt.
Thinking it to be filled
with treasure
they pried it open,
but found nothing inside,
except a simple brass ring.
Fonzo grabbed the ring
and found
that it opened a hidden door
with a staircase leading down.
[scraping]
My father stood watch
while Fonzo descended the stairs
and found thousands
of Tovenaar relics.
Baldric: Thousands?
Wenzo: Yes.
Now Fonzo knew the value
of such a find,
so he began to fill his bags
with all the relics
he could carry,
but when he crossed
the threshold of the crypt,
the spell that guarded
those relics took its revenge.
[footsteps]
[thunk]
Sir Aldred: Ow.
[grunts]
What a nuisance.
[thud]
- Ah floof.
[thunk]
I hate this part.
[crash]
[whisperings]
Wenzo: The relics fell back
whence they had come.
And Uncle Fonzo with them,
just as the entry closed fast.
But one little relic,
tumbled from Fonzo's hands,
rattled in the crypt
and as fate willed it
was not sealed up
with the others.
My father fled for his life
and never spoke
of what he had seen.
Well, I should say that he never
spoke of what he saw that night
until we were flat broke
in the poor house,
and then he spoke
of what he saw that night.
We figured
if we could sell the relic,
for a pretty penny
if we found the right buyer.
- [sigh] Sir Aldred.
Baldric: Then, Sir Aldred knows
about the reliquary.
Wenzo: No, no, no, no, no.
No, we kept that part
of the story to ourselves.
- Oh.
- Why?
Wenzo: Well, we had no desire
to meet Uncle Fonzo's fate,
or Uncle Fonzo's remains.
- Eugh.
- So the relic
that bounced around the crypt
and got stuck...
- Was the one that you stole.
Wenzo: And I gave back
to you, as you recall.
Gretta: That I gave
to Hexela.
Dwight: That Sir Aldred stole
from Hexela last night.
Baldric: Most unfortunately.
Dwight: And used to make
the dead skeleton guy not dead.
Wenzo: [exhales]
- Huzzah.
Mystery solved.
[magical zip]
- I'm off in like 20
if you guys wanted to hang out.
[surprised exclamations]
Baldric: [panicked exclamation]
[clears throat]
Dwight: So, maybe
it's not as bad as we thought.
Huh?
Sounds like anybody
that tries to take a bone
from Osric's basement
ends up dead.
- But Tovenaars don't stay dead.
[blowing]
[blowing]
[blowing]
- That wasn't too bad.
Though still not
my favorite sensation.
Remember the first time
you died, Aldred?
[laughs]
- You dropped me off a cliff.
- Slip of the hands.
Sir Aldred: And not a week later
you crushed me with an ox.
Sporg: Dreadful way to die.
Sir Aldred: When I think
of how many times
you've killed me...
Sporg: Never by design.
Whatever faults I have,
my heart is pure.
Now let's go
take over the world.
Arnolf: Well,
if that's all you needed,
I'm off.
- But wait, Uncle Arnolf,
please.
Dwight: What about Chlodwig?
- Who?
- Dude, really?
Gretta: We spoke to a wyvern
who said that if we put out
the immortal flame
the Tovenaars will be dead
for good.
Arnolf: It's not as easy
as you think
to put out the immortal flame.
All who have tried
have failed.
- We will not yield
without a fight.
Though we may be doomed
for failure, we must try.
- I suppose, why not?
Gretta: But the immortal flame
is in a cave in the Pyrenees.
Baldric: And time
is running out.
Arnolf: Ta-ta-ta,
Time doesn't run
so much as spin
in joyful circles
while drifting down a lazy,
winding, bending stream.
- 'Kay.
- Can you get us
to the immortal flame?
- [inhales slowly]
Yes.
But you will need permission.
Gretta: Permission?
Baldric: From whom?
- You would embark
on a quest
to change the trajectory
of events and alter the future.
- Eh, yeah.
Yeah.
- You need permission.
From fate.
[knocking]
- [sighs]
There is no Guy Club
assembly today.
If another Guy Club poopnoddy
darkens this door.
Oh.
Hexie.
- I'm ready for Madagascar.
Baldric: That
may not be necessary.
Enter, enter.
Come.
- Oh.
[gasp]
Oh, sweet heaven, he came.
- Wait, fate's a person?
- Who told you that?
- You said we had
to get permission from fate.
- Why would you assume--
Gretta: How do we get permission
from fate?
- First, you must find her.
- Fate's a woman.
- [exasperated sigh]
She is neither a person,
nor a woman.
This is fate.
Baldric: No, don't.
Dwight: A bellybutton owl?
Arnolf: She has crossed
your path before,
has she not, young champion?
- Yeah, on the day that--
that was why
I was in the woods.
- Where do we find her?
- In the last place you saw her.
[birds calling]
Sporg: There's a conversation
we should have sooner
rather than later.
Is there anyone
in the brotherhood
we just as soon stayed
in the ground,
if you know what I mean?
- I know exactly
what you mean.
Sporg: Now's our chance
to trim the dead wood.
- There's one name
that comes to mind.
Sporg: Probably the same
I'm thinking of.
Sir Aldred: Probably not.
[birds chirping]
Gretta: Oh,
my bladder's leaking.
Dwight: Oh, geez.
Hey, don't feel bad,
accidents happen
to everyone at every age.
Gretta: Ugh.
Dwight: Wait, what bladder
are we talking about?
- Have you any water?
- Yeah, yeah, sure thing.
I hope you don't mind
distilled water.
Nana's got me
on this colon rinse.
From a spring in Tibet.
Gretta: Hm.
Dwight: So there's
no fluorine compounds
or hormones in it..
- [swishes]
Mm.
[birds calling]
Dwight: It was right
around here.
It feels like yesterday
but like a lifetime ago.
I saw the bellybutton owl,
I went to take a picture.
Ah!
You know the rest.
Um.
We should put up
some caution tape.
[mystical hooting]
[silent except for footsteps]
- You hear that?
- What?
- Not a sound.
Gretta: I am Princess Gretta
the Besieged,
Eleventh Great Granddaughter
of Osric the Grim
and the last heir
to the House of Moondragon.
- I'm Dwight.
Gretta: If you truly are fate,
then you know what we want,
and what's at stake.
We must stop the Tovenaars
lest the world be plunged
into neverending night.
Dwight: And the way to do
that is well--
you probably already know,
but we have to put out
this immortal flame.
- In the Pyrenees Mountains.
Dwight: Uncle Arnolf
is handling logistics.
Gretta: We ask for a token
of your permission.
[splat]
Dwight: Eww.
[sudden bird cacophony]
Sir Aldred: What is it?
Sporg: Quite the hullabaloo.
Fate favors the princess
and her champion.
Could that be
the same princess?
- What else?!
- The passage will open.
They go to quench the flame.
[birdcalls continue]
Arnolf: Mm.
A well-executed quiche Lorraine.
I should like to complement
the chef.
Baldric: You sent him
on a journey through the cosmos.
Arnolf: Oh.
Then, never mind.
[panting]
Baldric: Did you find fate?
Dwight: I think so.
Hexela: Did she give you
permission?
Dwight: Oh,
she gave us something.
Baldric: An owl pellet.
Arnolf: Incredible.
That means that, that you,
that means that now
[laughing]
I didn't think I would live
to see this day.
[sighs]
Give it to me.
Now, assemble your forces!
Gretta: Our forces?
Dwight: This is what we got.
- Just you?
You four?
Uh.
I will offer you an ally.
Only one.
Only temporarily.
Any person living or dead
from any stretch
of the universe.
Only speak the name,
[snap]
and they shall appear.
Baldric: Uh.
Arnolf: Well, who shall it be?
- Uh.
- Anyone, from anywhere?
- We should choose
a warrior, perhaps--
Hexela: Don't speak it!
- [sigh]
Hexela: We only get one chance.
- We need a wizard.
- Yes.
Baldric: The most powerful
wizard of all time was--
Hexela: Sh.
Baldric: Sh. Sh.
Gretta: Who shall it be?
The warrior or the wizard?
Hexela: I vote for the wizard.
Baldric: And I!
- Hm.
Gretta: Then speak his name,
and summon him.
Baldric: [clearing throat
aggressively]
We call as our ally--
- Chlodwig.
Baldric, Hexela and Gretta:
What!?
Arnolf: The name is spoken.
[pffft]
[poof]
Baldric: Oh.
Gretta: Ugh.
- Doughnut, anyone?
Arnolf: I just ate
half a quiche.
- I'm good, man.
Thanks.
But welcome back.
Take your time, buddy.
- I have seen things.
Oooo.
Orange soda.
Baldric: We could have had
Otto the Omnipotent!
Arnolf: It is fulfilled.
[small explosion]
[gasping]
Arnolf: At long last,
the hour has come.
[winds swirling]
♪