Dwight in Shining Armor (2018–2021): Season 3, Episode 6 - Lake Monster - full transcript
Dwight: Previously
on Dwight in Shining Armor.
Hexela: She comes from a lake
shaped like a crescent.
This is a map.
- In particular,
of the dark realm,
where dark forces dwell,
and should not be disturbed.
Osric's army defeated
the Tovenaars
and then buried their bones
in secret regions
throughout the world.
Every place a Tovenaar's bones
were buried
they made dark realms.
Gretta: We found the dark realm.
Baldric: Where?
Gretta: Here.
This village was built
on its bones.
- W- Winnie!
[swoosh]
[splash]
[school bell ringing]
Dwight: There's more to life
than school, Gretta.
Gretta: Indeed, there is.
- There's also
extra-curriculars.
Stuff you do for school,
outside of school.
- More school?
- And this one also
gives you extra credit
in English.
Huh?
Huh?
- [groans]
What exactly goes on here?
- The Daily Woodchuck.
- Hm.
A news chronicle.
- The best investigative
journalism in Woodside.
You remember
the, uh, expired True Moo
in the vending machine?
- Uuuch.
- These are the guys
that broke that story.
- Oh.
- Right?
- I still think the news
is best when sung.
- Unngh.
- Unless... no.
Follow up on cafeteria worker,
Bergerman.
What or who is behind
no more Pizza Friday?
[sigh]
Happy Friday, Woodchuckians!
Gann, Rosenfeld,
kudos on breaking
the upstairs leaky faucet story.
Yes.
Principal Shoemaker was left
with no choice
but to allocate funds
for a new valve.
And we've had 31 hits
on our website
in the last hour alone!
Yes!
[clapping]
That, people, is the kind
of hard-charging journalism
we're striving for
at The Daily Woodchuck.
Am I right? Or am I right?
Huh?
Am I right? Or am I right?
- He's right, he's right.
Zeke: Okay, time is story.
'Boy's Lacrosse Wins
First Game in Two Years.'
Who has that one?
Parker, Gillespie, kill it.
Has anyone actually seen
a woodchuck in Woodside?
Anybody?
Keep the streak alive, guys,
keep the streak alive.
Principal Shoemaker
addresses controversy
of slow reaction time
to leaky faucet.
McCollis, McCollis,
the truth must prevail.
Hey, and work together
this time!
[sigh]
Dwight.
What brings you to
Woodside High's beacon of truth?
Dwight: Hey, well Gretta and I
thought we'd try our hand
at some student journalism.
And one of us really needs
the extra credit help.
- Whoof.
Zeke: My sources tell me
you're preparing for a role
in an as yet unannounced
Lord of the Rings reboot.
- We can neither confirm
nor deny.
♪
- Total committment.
Love that.
- So, yeah,
you got anything for us, Zeke?
- Maybe.
I could use some more
eyes and ears on a lead
that just came in.
- We've got eyes.
- And ears.
- What's the lead?
- Two guys reported
seeing a monster
in Woodside Lake.
- Sounds... kooky.
Zeke: Probably,
but I've seen things
that will blow your mind.
- At The Daily Woodchuck?
- Enough to teach me
that anything is possible.
- But, a lake monster?
I, uh.
Zeke: And we have a picture.
- We do?
[chuckles]
Nah, there's nothing
that a blurry, grainy
surveillance photo would...
oh, that is crystal clear.
But I mean, that's,
that's still pretty far away,
wouldn't you say?
I mean, that, that, I, uh,
oh, and now we're up its nose.
Gretta: Pff,
that could be anything,
a mermaid?
Dwight: Not a mermaid.
- An aquatic elf?
- What?
Huh?
- If not a monster,
what is it?
Let's go talk
to Drone #99, shall we?
Dwight: [groan]
- If the Wyvern is discovered,
it will create a panic
among the peasants.
- It's not the panic
I'm worried about.
- Nothing incites a panic
among the peasants
like a dragon.
- Well, what's more likely
is that Woodside
would be overrun with tourists.
- Hm?
- Look what happened
at Loch Ness!
We have to stop Zeke.
♪
Dwight: Okay, so about
a thousand years ago,
there was this princess, Gretta
and she was in big trouble
because she had lots of enemies
and not a lot of friends.
So her court magician, Baldric
cast the champion spell.
It put everyone in the woods
to sleep
until a champion would come,
break the spell with his kiss,
and deal with
Gretta's big, scary enemies.
But that guy never showed up.
Aah!
Instead...
[kiss]
they got me.
Ah!
♪
Ow!
♪
Dwight: I mean, it really
could be anything.
A submerged tree,
a really large turtle.
- The helmet of an ogress.
- Not helping.
- Hm, keeping all options
on the table,
I like it.
Day one of the monster
in the lake investigation,
Zeke Pickering here.
Dronelover 98: We got it!
We got the monster!
Zoom out.
You're too close, zoom out!
- What does it look like
I'm doing?
- Nooo!
Oh.
[quacking]
Nooo.
It's not the monster.
Ah, man.
That's... bummer.
- A duck.
You were freaking out
over a duck.
Give me that.
- It's still my turn.
- You must be Dronelover 99!
- Well, I'm 98, he's 99.
- Oh.
Tell me about the monster.
Dwight: Uh, alleged
monster/probable turtle.
- We've been filming
for like an hour.
- Thirty-eight minutes.
- Filming what?
Dronelover 98: Part of the
kayaking adventure package.
Dronelover 99:
We do paddleboats too.
Zeke: Okay, so
you were filming a kayaker--
Dronelover 98:
When this head, creature thing,
suddenly broke the surface.
Dronelover 99: It was fantastic.
My greatest discovery yet.
Dronelover 98: Oh, so now
it's your discovery?
- And it already has
831 views.
Dronelover 99: Well,
if somebody hadn't forgot
to charge the drone,
we could have gotten more
than one good shot of it.
- Well, maybe if somebody knew
how to operate the zoom button,
then this--
Gretta: Did the Wyv--
Dwight: [coughing purposefully]
Gretta: Uh, uh, the,
the uh, mysterious
dragon-like creature
linger above the surface
for very long?
- Long enough to eat a raccoon.
Zeke: Ha!
Rules out submerged tree.
- Yeah, probably.
[clicking]
- The drone!
[high-pitched whirring]
Dronelover 98 & 99: Ah!
Drone, drone, drone.
- Could Woodside actually
have a monster swimming
in its lake
or are we just dealing
with two
attention-starved weirdies,
and their elaborate hoax.
Dwight: Hoax!
Yes!
Yes, hoax,
that's, it's so obvious.
- Reconvene tomorrow
at 8 a.m.
Dwight: Yeah.
- The peasant is good.
- Too good.
[birds chirping]
♪
- Good, Zeke's not here.
We have to find out
what he knows,
knock him off the trail.
- [sighs]
- I don't usually advocate
this type of invasion of privacy
but, in this case...
It's just a little trick
I learned on YouTube.
It's all in the wrist action.
[bang]
- 'Kay.
He'll be here any minute.
Look for anything
out of the ordinary.
- Would that be
out of the ordinary?
[ominous music]
- He did all that
in one night?
What kind
of obsessed, crazed person
are we dealing with?
[roar]
- Algae!
Gretta and Dwight: [scream]
- [scream]
What are you doing in my office?
Dwight and Gretta:
[stammering]
- It's... 8:03.
- Oh.
Yeah, must have fallen asleep,
but I did make some headway
last night.
[muttering]
Give me a second here.
- You just...
- [gargling]
- Ah.
- [smacking lips]
[chuckles softly]
Okay, what if the sun reflecting
off the south rock,
hit the yellow algae
on the west side of the lake
at the exact moment
the kayaker paddled
through the east cove,
creating a one-in-a-million
optical illusion?
I.e. Woodside's lake monster.
- Of course!
- I love it!
- I loved it too,
until the video came in.
- The video?
Wedding Planner:
So, I was standing here
ordering a case
of buttermints.
- Color?
- Pink.
And I look up and I see this,
on the monitor.
♪
It's from our outside
security cameras.
Dwight: You can barely tell
that it's her.
That it, that it's,
it's an it, it's an it.
It.
Okay, yeah.
That's a little better,
but you can't,
yup, yup,
that's absolutely
immaculate.
Zeke: Uh,
was there anything else?
- And no is a perfectly
acceptable answer.
Wedding Planner: There was a
song that it sang,
like a Taylor Swift
revenge song.
If Taylor Swift ate raccoons
and had scales.
Dwight: Now, now, now see,
if you had audio,
then maybe this
would be helpful,
but, oh, you got it.
Okay.
Um.
[Wyvernese playing]
No, no, I,
you still can't really
hear anything,
but it might be muffled.
[Wyvernese amplified]
Yeah, there it is...
[Wyvernese amplified]
- Most unsettling.
- Yeah,
I would say more Lady Gaga,
than Taylor Swift,
but I see
where she was going with it.
- What does this
exasperating wyvern want now?
- I don't know,
but we've gotta put a lid on it
before it gets...
[excited crowd noises]
Crowd: [chanting]
Free the lake monster!
- ...out of control.
[crowd clamors]
- [sighs]
- He's just misunderstood,
like, he just wants love,
you know.
- There's nothing
to be afraid of, monster,
we love you!
Both: We love you!
We love you!
[squealing]
Dronelover 98:
Get your monster shirts here!
Buy three,
get one "I heart the beast" hat
half off.
[pneumatic pop]
[thunk]
- Oh.
- Today only!
- [grunts]
Oh.
So cheesy.
You know, it--
it's this kind
of gross commercialism
that destroys nice little towns
every day.
- This is not
the panicked frenzy I expected.
What kind of peasants
aren't afraid of a dragon?
Make for the hills!
She'll eat your young ones!
[crowd clamor
continues unabated]
Nothing.
- Well, she's just
minding her own business,
just swimming around.
I mean, she's not gonna eat
anybody, she's just...
She's trying to tell us
something.
- But what?
- [soft gasp]
Mm.
Baldric: Hm.
- Unicorn tail.
Baldric: Yes.
You think this will work?
- Sh.
Griffin milk.
- [exhales softly]
[clink]
Yeah, oo.
Careful.
[small sizzles]
Oh, oh.
- Mm.
- Huh.
[tentative chuckle]
Ha, ha, ha.
I do believe it worked.
- Hm.
- Hexela.
You are the woman of my--
[explosion]
Both: [scream]
[hissing steam]
Baldric: Evacuate!
Both: [coughing]
Baldric: Hexie,
are you all right?
- [huge cough]
Ah.
- What's amiss?
- Not griffin milk.
- Obviously.
[cough]
Gretta: I'm afraid
we have dire news.
Dwight: Maybe dire,
we don't really know.
- The wyvern has surfaced
in Crescent Lake.
- What?
- Why?
- Perhaps to beckon us.
Dwight: Yeah,
I have the audio drop
from the wedding planner.
Hexela: Hm.
[Wyvernese playing]
Mm-hm.
[Wyvernese playing]
Oh.
[gasp]
[Wyvernese playing]
Oh my.
[click]
There's a half off sale
at Bernwick's Ale and Cheese.
Gretta, Baldric and Hexela: Ooo.
Hexela: Yes.
Wait, no.
Play that last part again.
The, the, the...
- Uh.
[Wyvernese playing]
- [snorting laughter]
Forgive me.
All: [laugh]
Hexela: Um, ruin, desolation,
dark times return.
- And that sounded
like half off at Bernbob's?
- Bernwick's.
Wyvernese is
a very complex dialect.
- Huh.
Baldric: Dark times return.
- Wh-what does that mean?
Dark times.
- If it means what I fear--
Gretta: We must find out
for certain.
Hexela: Mm-hm.
- Yes.
- I'll speak to the wyvern.
Baldric: Mm.
Dwight: But how?
I mean,
there's tourists everywhere
and Zeke's
all over the story.
- Well, don't worry,
I'll turn them
into parsnips.
[small laugh]
Dwight: No.
- I understand your objection.
Cabbages, then.
Baldric: Ah, yes.
Gretta: Ah.
- You think I think
cabbages are better?
- I know I do.
Baldric: Wouldn't you rather
be a cabbage than a parsnip?
Hm?
- Who wouldn't?
Baldric: I've been a parsnip.
[chuckle]
- When have you been a pars--
you, you, know, no.
Never mind.
No!
No cabbages, no parsnips.
We'll just-- we'll just go
out to the south bank.
No one's ever on that side
of the lake.
[loon calls]
Hexela: Mm.
Mm.
[spritz]
Mm.
Mm, delicious.
[clears throat]
[very melodic] Mi-i-i-.
[Wyvernese]
Fangirls: [squealing]
Fangirl 2: Where is it?
Fangirl: We're here for you!
Fangirl 2: Run away
with me, lake beast.
[crowd clamoring]
Gretta: So many peasants.
- Uh, false alarm everybody!
There's no lake monster here.
Sorry.
Maybe go check
by the paddle boats.
Yeah.
At least Zeke's not here.
[thump]
- Huh.
- And there you are.
- Putting in the overtime.
Love the hustle, Woodchuckians.
- [loud whisper] Diversion. Now.
Something, anything.
- Leave it to me.
Behold, the creature!
Crowd:
[squealing and yelling]
Baldric: Ha, ha.
Ah.
[thump]
Ha, ha.
[thump]
Wah!
Dwight: There's
the real story, Zeke.
See right there?
This, this lake monster mania
is a danger to the public.
Pandemonium at Woodside Lake.
Grown man tripped three times
in three seconds.
- [rough gasps]
Follow me, peasants!
Quickly.
- [screams]
[thud]
Dwight: Oh, girl sprains ankle.
Another drops her phone.
- Public safety message.
- Let's go interview
the survivors.
Yeah?
[bubbling]
[spurt]
[splashing]
- [sigh]
- [Wyvernese]
- Oh, well met,
child of a thief.
- [Wyvernese]
Hexela: Where is my champion?
- [Wyvernese]
- Your champion?
- [Wyvernese]
Hexela:
My message is for him.
- He had to run off.
- [Wyvernese]
Hexela: I owe him
a debt of gratitude.
- I'll give him the message.
- [Wyvernese]
- [Wyvernese]
I'll wait.
- [Wyvernese]
Zeke: I don't believe it!
It's the... it's the...
- [Wyvernese snort]
Dwight: [panting] Okay.
I think I lost Zeke.
Oh, great, I thought I lost you.
- The lake monster.
- Uh, there is a,
a really simple explanation, um,
[groans in defeat]
Gretta, you want to take
this one?
- It's coming!
Crowd: [squealing]
He's here!
Crowd: [clamoring]
- Uh, guys.
Crowd: [clamoring]
Zeke: New York Times
eat your heart out.
[crowd noise continues]
Dronelover 99: I told you
this was a stupid idea.
[distant indistinct arguing]
Winnie: [Wyvernese snark]
- [scream]
Crowd: [disappointed sounds]
- Huh.
Fangirl 3: It's a hoax.
- Nooo!
[disappointed crowd noises]
Dronelover 98: Wait! Wait!
The video, it was real.
We just,
we just wanted to give the crowd
a little excitement.
Sell, sell some shirts.
Dronelover 99: Her idea.
I'll go on record.
Dronelover 98: Please!
- [disappointedly] Hoax.
Just a hoax?
For just a second, I thought...
but it still feels
like I'm missing something.
- [Wyvernese snort]
Zeke: Something obvious.
Right in front of my face,
but what?
Winnie: [quiet Wyvernese]
- [desperate whisper] Winnie!
- What am I missing?
- [quiet Wyvernese snort]
Dwight: Probably
just a little sleep, man.
- [quiet Wyvernese]
Dwight: Ah, come on,
don't take it so hard.
At least you solved
the leaky fountain mystery.
I mean, that was great.
Right?
- Yeah.
- Right?
Okay.
See you at school.
Baldric: [panting]
- Well, the lake monster story
has deflated
as fast as it arrived.
Just a couple
of sad, lonely geeks
looking for a little attention.
Baldric: Oh, oh.
- Baldric!
- Oh, oh.
I have kindling
in my crevices.
Hexela: Oh.
- You really took one
for the team, man.
- Ah!
My Lady Wyvern.
- [Wyvernese]
- The evil that was buried
here long ago is unearthed.
Winnie: [Wyvernese]
- It rises.
- [Wyvernese]
Hexela: It gathers strength.
- [Wyvernese]
Hexela: If you desire to save
your own life, run.
- [Wyvernese]
Hexela: If you desire
to save this land, stay...
-[Wyvernese]
- And fight.
- Got it.
- [Wyvernese]
- I will stand with you.
- [Wyvernese]
Dwight: I appreciate that.
Winnie and Hexela:
[Wyvernese]
[magical noise]
[splash]
♪
So, let's hope week two
of our journalism career
is a little less eventful.
[sigh]
- Afternoon, people.
McCollis, McCollis, well done
on the Principal Shoemaker
response piece.
Fair, but unwavering.
Parker, Gillespie,
nice Woodchuck pics.
And Dwight, Gretta,
the three of us
are teaming up
on a new lead.
- Bring it.
- Mysterious holes are
turning up all over Woodside.
[ominous music]
♪
♪
♪
♪
on Dwight in Shining Armor.
Hexela: She comes from a lake
shaped like a crescent.
This is a map.
- In particular,
of the dark realm,
where dark forces dwell,
and should not be disturbed.
Osric's army defeated
the Tovenaars
and then buried their bones
in secret regions
throughout the world.
Every place a Tovenaar's bones
were buried
they made dark realms.
Gretta: We found the dark realm.
Baldric: Where?
Gretta: Here.
This village was built
on its bones.
- W- Winnie!
[swoosh]
[splash]
[school bell ringing]
Dwight: There's more to life
than school, Gretta.
Gretta: Indeed, there is.
- There's also
extra-curriculars.
Stuff you do for school,
outside of school.
- More school?
- And this one also
gives you extra credit
in English.
Huh?
Huh?
- [groans]
What exactly goes on here?
- The Daily Woodchuck.
- Hm.
A news chronicle.
- The best investigative
journalism in Woodside.
You remember
the, uh, expired True Moo
in the vending machine?
- Uuuch.
- These are the guys
that broke that story.
- Oh.
- Right?
- I still think the news
is best when sung.
- Unngh.
- Unless... no.
Follow up on cafeteria worker,
Bergerman.
What or who is behind
no more Pizza Friday?
[sigh]
Happy Friday, Woodchuckians!
Gann, Rosenfeld,
kudos on breaking
the upstairs leaky faucet story.
Yes.
Principal Shoemaker was left
with no choice
but to allocate funds
for a new valve.
And we've had 31 hits
on our website
in the last hour alone!
Yes!
[clapping]
That, people, is the kind
of hard-charging journalism
we're striving for
at The Daily Woodchuck.
Am I right? Or am I right?
Huh?
Am I right? Or am I right?
- He's right, he's right.
Zeke: Okay, time is story.
'Boy's Lacrosse Wins
First Game in Two Years.'
Who has that one?
Parker, Gillespie, kill it.
Has anyone actually seen
a woodchuck in Woodside?
Anybody?
Keep the streak alive, guys,
keep the streak alive.
Principal Shoemaker
addresses controversy
of slow reaction time
to leaky faucet.
McCollis, McCollis,
the truth must prevail.
Hey, and work together
this time!
[sigh]
Dwight.
What brings you to
Woodside High's beacon of truth?
Dwight: Hey, well Gretta and I
thought we'd try our hand
at some student journalism.
And one of us really needs
the extra credit help.
- Whoof.
Zeke: My sources tell me
you're preparing for a role
in an as yet unannounced
Lord of the Rings reboot.
- We can neither confirm
nor deny.
♪
- Total committment.
Love that.
- So, yeah,
you got anything for us, Zeke?
- Maybe.
I could use some more
eyes and ears on a lead
that just came in.
- We've got eyes.
- And ears.
- What's the lead?
- Two guys reported
seeing a monster
in Woodside Lake.
- Sounds... kooky.
Zeke: Probably,
but I've seen things
that will blow your mind.
- At The Daily Woodchuck?
- Enough to teach me
that anything is possible.
- But, a lake monster?
I, uh.
Zeke: And we have a picture.
- We do?
[chuckles]
Nah, there's nothing
that a blurry, grainy
surveillance photo would...
oh, that is crystal clear.
But I mean, that's,
that's still pretty far away,
wouldn't you say?
I mean, that, that, I, uh,
oh, and now we're up its nose.
Gretta: Pff,
that could be anything,
a mermaid?
Dwight: Not a mermaid.
- An aquatic elf?
- What?
Huh?
- If not a monster,
what is it?
Let's go talk
to Drone #99, shall we?
Dwight: [groan]
- If the Wyvern is discovered,
it will create a panic
among the peasants.
- It's not the panic
I'm worried about.
- Nothing incites a panic
among the peasants
like a dragon.
- Well, what's more likely
is that Woodside
would be overrun with tourists.
- Hm?
- Look what happened
at Loch Ness!
We have to stop Zeke.
♪
Dwight: Okay, so about
a thousand years ago,
there was this princess, Gretta
and she was in big trouble
because she had lots of enemies
and not a lot of friends.
So her court magician, Baldric
cast the champion spell.
It put everyone in the woods
to sleep
until a champion would come,
break the spell with his kiss,
and deal with
Gretta's big, scary enemies.
But that guy never showed up.
Aah!
Instead...
[kiss]
they got me.
Ah!
♪
Ow!
♪
Dwight: I mean, it really
could be anything.
A submerged tree,
a really large turtle.
- The helmet of an ogress.
- Not helping.
- Hm, keeping all options
on the table,
I like it.
Day one of the monster
in the lake investigation,
Zeke Pickering here.
Dronelover 98: We got it!
We got the monster!
Zoom out.
You're too close, zoom out!
- What does it look like
I'm doing?
- Nooo!
Oh.
[quacking]
Nooo.
It's not the monster.
Ah, man.
That's... bummer.
- A duck.
You were freaking out
over a duck.
Give me that.
- It's still my turn.
- You must be Dronelover 99!
- Well, I'm 98, he's 99.
- Oh.
Tell me about the monster.
Dwight: Uh, alleged
monster/probable turtle.
- We've been filming
for like an hour.
- Thirty-eight minutes.
- Filming what?
Dronelover 98: Part of the
kayaking adventure package.
Dronelover 99:
We do paddleboats too.
Zeke: Okay, so
you were filming a kayaker--
Dronelover 98:
When this head, creature thing,
suddenly broke the surface.
Dronelover 99: It was fantastic.
My greatest discovery yet.
Dronelover 98: Oh, so now
it's your discovery?
- And it already has
831 views.
Dronelover 99: Well,
if somebody hadn't forgot
to charge the drone,
we could have gotten more
than one good shot of it.
- Well, maybe if somebody knew
how to operate the zoom button,
then this--
Gretta: Did the Wyv--
Dwight: [coughing purposefully]
Gretta: Uh, uh, the,
the uh, mysterious
dragon-like creature
linger above the surface
for very long?
- Long enough to eat a raccoon.
Zeke: Ha!
Rules out submerged tree.
- Yeah, probably.
[clicking]
- The drone!
[high-pitched whirring]
Dronelover 98 & 99: Ah!
Drone, drone, drone.
- Could Woodside actually
have a monster swimming
in its lake
or are we just dealing
with two
attention-starved weirdies,
and their elaborate hoax.
Dwight: Hoax!
Yes!
Yes, hoax,
that's, it's so obvious.
- Reconvene tomorrow
at 8 a.m.
Dwight: Yeah.
- The peasant is good.
- Too good.
[birds chirping]
♪
- Good, Zeke's not here.
We have to find out
what he knows,
knock him off the trail.
- [sighs]
- I don't usually advocate
this type of invasion of privacy
but, in this case...
It's just a little trick
I learned on YouTube.
It's all in the wrist action.
[bang]
- 'Kay.
He'll be here any minute.
Look for anything
out of the ordinary.
- Would that be
out of the ordinary?
[ominous music]
- He did all that
in one night?
What kind
of obsessed, crazed person
are we dealing with?
[roar]
- Algae!
Gretta and Dwight: [scream]
- [scream]
What are you doing in my office?
Dwight and Gretta:
[stammering]
- It's... 8:03.
- Oh.
Yeah, must have fallen asleep,
but I did make some headway
last night.
[muttering]
Give me a second here.
- You just...
- [gargling]
- Ah.
- [smacking lips]
[chuckles softly]
Okay, what if the sun reflecting
off the south rock,
hit the yellow algae
on the west side of the lake
at the exact moment
the kayaker paddled
through the east cove,
creating a one-in-a-million
optical illusion?
I.e. Woodside's lake monster.
- Of course!
- I love it!
- I loved it too,
until the video came in.
- The video?
Wedding Planner:
So, I was standing here
ordering a case
of buttermints.
- Color?
- Pink.
And I look up and I see this,
on the monitor.
♪
It's from our outside
security cameras.
Dwight: You can barely tell
that it's her.
That it, that it's,
it's an it, it's an it.
It.
Okay, yeah.
That's a little better,
but you can't,
yup, yup,
that's absolutely
immaculate.
Zeke: Uh,
was there anything else?
- And no is a perfectly
acceptable answer.
Wedding Planner: There was a
song that it sang,
like a Taylor Swift
revenge song.
If Taylor Swift ate raccoons
and had scales.
Dwight: Now, now, now see,
if you had audio,
then maybe this
would be helpful,
but, oh, you got it.
Okay.
Um.
[Wyvernese playing]
No, no, I,
you still can't really
hear anything,
but it might be muffled.
[Wyvernese amplified]
Yeah, there it is...
[Wyvernese amplified]
- Most unsettling.
- Yeah,
I would say more Lady Gaga,
than Taylor Swift,
but I see
where she was going with it.
- What does this
exasperating wyvern want now?
- I don't know,
but we've gotta put a lid on it
before it gets...
[excited crowd noises]
Crowd: [chanting]
Free the lake monster!
- ...out of control.
[crowd clamors]
- [sighs]
- He's just misunderstood,
like, he just wants love,
you know.
- There's nothing
to be afraid of, monster,
we love you!
Both: We love you!
We love you!
[squealing]
Dronelover 98:
Get your monster shirts here!
Buy three,
get one "I heart the beast" hat
half off.
[pneumatic pop]
[thunk]
- Oh.
- Today only!
- [grunts]
Oh.
So cheesy.
You know, it--
it's this kind
of gross commercialism
that destroys nice little towns
every day.
- This is not
the panicked frenzy I expected.
What kind of peasants
aren't afraid of a dragon?
Make for the hills!
She'll eat your young ones!
[crowd clamor
continues unabated]
Nothing.
- Well, she's just
minding her own business,
just swimming around.
I mean, she's not gonna eat
anybody, she's just...
She's trying to tell us
something.
- But what?
- [soft gasp]
Mm.
Baldric: Hm.
- Unicorn tail.
Baldric: Yes.
You think this will work?
- Sh.
Griffin milk.
- [exhales softly]
[clink]
Yeah, oo.
Careful.
[small sizzles]
Oh, oh.
- Mm.
- Huh.
[tentative chuckle]
Ha, ha, ha.
I do believe it worked.
- Hm.
- Hexela.
You are the woman of my--
[explosion]
Both: [scream]
[hissing steam]
Baldric: Evacuate!
Both: [coughing]
Baldric: Hexie,
are you all right?
- [huge cough]
Ah.
- What's amiss?
- Not griffin milk.
- Obviously.
[cough]
Gretta: I'm afraid
we have dire news.
Dwight: Maybe dire,
we don't really know.
- The wyvern has surfaced
in Crescent Lake.
- What?
- Why?
- Perhaps to beckon us.
Dwight: Yeah,
I have the audio drop
from the wedding planner.
Hexela: Hm.
[Wyvernese playing]
Mm-hm.
[Wyvernese playing]
Oh.
[gasp]
[Wyvernese playing]
Oh my.
[click]
There's a half off sale
at Bernwick's Ale and Cheese.
Gretta, Baldric and Hexela: Ooo.
Hexela: Yes.
Wait, no.
Play that last part again.
The, the, the...
- Uh.
[Wyvernese playing]
- [snorting laughter]
Forgive me.
All: [laugh]
Hexela: Um, ruin, desolation,
dark times return.
- And that sounded
like half off at Bernbob's?
- Bernwick's.
Wyvernese is
a very complex dialect.
- Huh.
Baldric: Dark times return.
- Wh-what does that mean?
Dark times.
- If it means what I fear--
Gretta: We must find out
for certain.
Hexela: Mm-hm.
- Yes.
- I'll speak to the wyvern.
Baldric: Mm.
Dwight: But how?
I mean,
there's tourists everywhere
and Zeke's
all over the story.
- Well, don't worry,
I'll turn them
into parsnips.
[small laugh]
Dwight: No.
- I understand your objection.
Cabbages, then.
Baldric: Ah, yes.
Gretta: Ah.
- You think I think
cabbages are better?
- I know I do.
Baldric: Wouldn't you rather
be a cabbage than a parsnip?
Hm?
- Who wouldn't?
Baldric: I've been a parsnip.
[chuckle]
- When have you been a pars--
you, you, know, no.
Never mind.
No!
No cabbages, no parsnips.
We'll just-- we'll just go
out to the south bank.
No one's ever on that side
of the lake.
[loon calls]
Hexela: Mm.
Mm.
[spritz]
Mm.
Mm, delicious.
[clears throat]
[very melodic] Mi-i-i-.
[Wyvernese]
Fangirls: [squealing]
Fangirl 2: Where is it?
Fangirl: We're here for you!
Fangirl 2: Run away
with me, lake beast.
[crowd clamoring]
Gretta: So many peasants.
- Uh, false alarm everybody!
There's no lake monster here.
Sorry.
Maybe go check
by the paddle boats.
Yeah.
At least Zeke's not here.
[thump]
- Huh.
- And there you are.
- Putting in the overtime.
Love the hustle, Woodchuckians.
- [loud whisper] Diversion. Now.
Something, anything.
- Leave it to me.
Behold, the creature!
Crowd:
[squealing and yelling]
Baldric: Ha, ha.
Ah.
[thump]
Ha, ha.
[thump]
Wah!
Dwight: There's
the real story, Zeke.
See right there?
This, this lake monster mania
is a danger to the public.
Pandemonium at Woodside Lake.
Grown man tripped three times
in three seconds.
- [rough gasps]
Follow me, peasants!
Quickly.
- [screams]
[thud]
Dwight: Oh, girl sprains ankle.
Another drops her phone.
- Public safety message.
- Let's go interview
the survivors.
Yeah?
[bubbling]
[spurt]
[splashing]
- [sigh]
- [Wyvernese]
- Oh, well met,
child of a thief.
- [Wyvernese]
Hexela: Where is my champion?
- [Wyvernese]
- Your champion?
- [Wyvernese]
Hexela:
My message is for him.
- He had to run off.
- [Wyvernese]
Hexela: I owe him
a debt of gratitude.
- I'll give him the message.
- [Wyvernese]
- [Wyvernese]
I'll wait.
- [Wyvernese]
Zeke: I don't believe it!
It's the... it's the...
- [Wyvernese snort]
Dwight: [panting] Okay.
I think I lost Zeke.
Oh, great, I thought I lost you.
- The lake monster.
- Uh, there is a,
a really simple explanation, um,
[groans in defeat]
Gretta, you want to take
this one?
- It's coming!
Crowd: [squealing]
He's here!
Crowd: [clamoring]
- Uh, guys.
Crowd: [clamoring]
Zeke: New York Times
eat your heart out.
[crowd noise continues]
Dronelover 99: I told you
this was a stupid idea.
[distant indistinct arguing]
Winnie: [Wyvernese snark]
- [scream]
Crowd: [disappointed sounds]
- Huh.
Fangirl 3: It's a hoax.
- Nooo!
[disappointed crowd noises]
Dronelover 98: Wait! Wait!
The video, it was real.
We just,
we just wanted to give the crowd
a little excitement.
Sell, sell some shirts.
Dronelover 99: Her idea.
I'll go on record.
Dronelover 98: Please!
- [disappointedly] Hoax.
Just a hoax?
For just a second, I thought...
but it still feels
like I'm missing something.
- [Wyvernese snort]
Zeke: Something obvious.
Right in front of my face,
but what?
Winnie: [quiet Wyvernese]
- [desperate whisper] Winnie!
- What am I missing?
- [quiet Wyvernese snort]
Dwight: Probably
just a little sleep, man.
- [quiet Wyvernese]
Dwight: Ah, come on,
don't take it so hard.
At least you solved
the leaky fountain mystery.
I mean, that was great.
Right?
- Yeah.
- Right?
Okay.
See you at school.
Baldric: [panting]
- Well, the lake monster story
has deflated
as fast as it arrived.
Just a couple
of sad, lonely geeks
looking for a little attention.
Baldric: Oh, oh.
- Baldric!
- Oh, oh.
I have kindling
in my crevices.
Hexela: Oh.
- You really took one
for the team, man.
- Ah!
My Lady Wyvern.
- [Wyvernese]
- The evil that was buried
here long ago is unearthed.
Winnie: [Wyvernese]
- It rises.
- [Wyvernese]
Hexela: It gathers strength.
- [Wyvernese]
Hexela: If you desire to save
your own life, run.
- [Wyvernese]
Hexela: If you desire
to save this land, stay...
-[Wyvernese]
- And fight.
- Got it.
- [Wyvernese]
- I will stand with you.
- [Wyvernese]
Dwight: I appreciate that.
Winnie and Hexela:
[Wyvernese]
[magical noise]
[splash]
♪
So, let's hope week two
of our journalism career
is a little less eventful.
[sigh]
- Afternoon, people.
McCollis, McCollis, well done
on the Principal Shoemaker
response piece.
Fair, but unwavering.
Parker, Gillespie,
nice Woodchuck pics.
And Dwight, Gretta,
the three of us
are teaming up
on a new lead.
- Bring it.
- Mysterious holes are
turning up all over Woodside.
[ominous music]
♪
♪
♪
♪