Dwight in Shining Armor (2018–2021): Season 3, Episode 3 - Fancy Pants - full transcript
A pair of Jester pants take control of Dwight leading to some unexpected mischief.
♪
[soft footsteps]
Six thousand steps to go?
[running footsteps]
[breathes heavily]
Oh, come on!
That was more than nine steps.
Baldric: Huzzah!
Ha-ha.
Oh, look at what I found,
Sir Dwight.
[laughs]
'Tis my old hunting frock.
Oh.
Many a dragon came undone
at the mere sight
of this beauty.
- Nice.
Baldric: We are finally
unpacking the wardrobe crates
we brought over from the castle.
It's as if my world
has been reopened to me.
Huh, oh!
[laughs]
Oh, can you believe
I ever wore this old thing?
[chuckling]
♪
Uh...how garish.
Gretta:
I fear I have outgrown this.
Dwight: Wow.
Kid-sized armor.
Gretta: What good
would this do me now
if I were I to run into a goblin
or an ogre or a troll.
Dwight: Well, maybe it won't be
a goblin or an ogre or a troll.
Maybe it'll be something nice.
Like a...
Cute kid with lemonade.
- [short chuckle]
- Hey, Mr. Baldric.
- We'll take the whole load.
And the wagon.
Lulu: Thanks for
supporting Lulu's Lemonade.
- [grunts]
- Take this, little Lulu...
may it preserve your young life
in battle.
[sighs]
Baldric: Ah.
Gretta: Ooh!
Lulu: You want
Strawberry Lemonade next week?
- Uh, pink, if you please.
- Or cherry!
Baldric: Sir Dwight,
make yourself of use
and unpack that crate
while I don my Royal Court Robe.
Dwight: Yeah, sure thing.
Baldric: Ha-ha.
- Baldric, another one of your
completely different outfits.
- 'Tis my burial shift.
When the day comes, Sir Dwight,
see to it I am buried in this.
[intensely] Promise me.
- 'Kay.
- Good lad.
[jingling]
- [chuckles]
Huh, somebody's not afraid
to make a bold statement.
These.
Guys?
Huh?
[bells jingling]
Ah!
[frightened grunting]
Guys, seriously.
- Does this one
make me look overfed?
Dwight: [grunting continues]
Guys!!!
Ahhhh!
Ahh, guys!
- Sir Dwight has just
stolen our jester pants.
- [frightened yelling]
- Shall we pursue him, Highness?
- [manic laughing]
- Something's amiss.
- Well, I can't possibly
give chase
in my Royal Court Robe.
I will change!
♪
Dwight: Okay,
so about a thousand years ago
there was this princess, Gretta,
and she was in big trouble
'cause she had lots of enemies
and not a lot of friends.
So her court magician, Baldric,
cast the champion spell.
It put everyone in the woods
to sleep
until a champion would come,
break the spell with his kiss,
and deal with Gretta's big,
scary enemies.
But that guy never showed up.
Instead...
Ahhh!
[kiss]
...they got me.
♪
Ah!
♪
Ow!
♪
♪
[screaming]
Fence! Fence!
[screaming]
[panting]
Car!
Road! Road!
[short, high-pitched screams]
[car honks]
Cross at the crosswalk,
you maniac!
[grunting]
Ahh.
Hello?!
Are you even listening to me?!
[panting]
Gretta: Sir Dwight?
- Help!
- With what?
Dwight: These pants!
They have a mind of their own!
- How so?
Dwight: They want to go
that way!
Wait, that way.
No, over there!
That way!
No, over there.
[stomach grumbles]
T-Turkey bacon's backing up--
- Sir Dwight is unwell.
Dwight: I was perfectly well
until these pants jumped on me.
Gretta:
The pants leapt upon you?
Dwight: Well see,
when you say it like that,
it sounds crazy.
[groaning and grunting]
- Oh dear.
- Oh dear, indeed.
Dwight: What?
What's 'oh dear'?
- Clearly you have been
seized upon
by demonic pant legs.
Baldric: Mm.
The devil is in the pants.
- What is it with you two?
It doesn't always have to be
a demon or a devil.
Maybe there's
a simple explanation.
- Such as...?
Dwight: Such as...
the pants have been
cooped up in a crate
and need some fresh air?
Baldric: Why would pants
need fresh air?
- Why would pants be possessed?
- That is exactly
what we need to find out.
- [grunting]
Baldric!
[thud]
Dwight: [shriek]
All: [grunting]
Dwight: Do we have a plan B?
Baldric: On the count of six,
Highness,
you leap out of the way
and Sir Dwight
will unhand the pole.
- Why six?
- Ready.
- Six!
Dwight: Ah!
[thud]
Baldric: Haha!
Victory!
- [groaning] Not for me.
Gretta: Ah!
We must rid you of these pants.
Dwight: Hey, w-wait, hold up...
- Urgh!
They. Don't. Want.
To. Come. Off!
Dwight: Just in case they do,
you should know,
the poop emoji boxers,
they were a gift from Nana.
[magical sparkling sound]
[yelp]
Whoa, what the...
- You're free!
Baldric: [yells]
[frightened groaning]
[yelps]
- [frustrated grunt]
- [panting]
Heeeeeeeeeeeeelp!
- That's a wrinkle.
- Make haste!
[upbeat music]
Dwight: Is it possible
just to keep
the poop emoji thing
just between us?
♪
Baldric: [yelling]
Disperse, peasants!
Move away!
Stand aside!
Scatter!
Run for your lives!
Ahhh!
[crash]
I am too aged for this.
[pie splatters]
- Gah!
Dwight: I am so sorry.
So, so, so, so, so sorry.
- Sir Dwight, help me!
- [panting]
Gretta: Ha!
You're trapped, Devil Pants!
- Probably not Devil Pants.
- Yield, Demon Leg-wear!
- Or Demon Leg-wear.
- Well, then what are they
and what do they want?
[magical sparkling sound]
Gretta: [grunting]
Aw, floof.
[screaming]
Baldric: [grunting] Sir Dwight.
- Now give it a nice swing
and hum your favorite tune--
- [begins humming]
[cellphone rings]
- Oh! I beg your pardon.
Oh, continue.
Hum, hum, hum.
And keep that fish swinging.
Baldie boo, darling...
- We're on our way
with a nine hundred and eleven!
Hexela: [on phone] Oh!
Baldric: Hello?
- Sorry, dropped my fish.
What were you saying?
O-Oh, keep humming.
Don't mind me.
And swinging.
Swing, swing, swing.
[chuckles]
Baldric... hello?
- [soft humming]
- Better.
- [panting]
Gretta: [distraught grunting]
[shriek]
- No!
[thump]
[magical sparkling sound]
Oh, man.
- Well, well.
- [frightened grunting]
- No.
- [continues grunting]
- Most disturbing.
Baldric: You fear the worst?
- Always.
- Why?
Why always fear the worst?
- Tell me all.
- [frantic yelping]
- We were unpacking
our crates of clothes...
- [gasp] Ooh!
Did you find your hunting frock?
- I did.
- It always makes you
look so gallant.
Baldric: Well, maybe I shall
wear it again for you next time.
Baldric/Hexela:
[flirtatious chuckling]
[slap]
- Ah!
Baldric: [clears throat]
We were, as I said, unpacking
and Sir Dwight
donned the jester pants.
- Yeah, that's one way of saying
they freaking jumped on me.
- And then on me.
- And then on me.
Dwight: And now back to me.
- Curious.
Oh, hexcellent.
Keep up the good work,
you're doing beautifully.
Baldric: Come.
On the count of eight,
we shall pounce on Sir Dwight.
- On eight?
Why not NOW?!
[yelps]
- A futile effort, I fear.
Dwight: [yelping]
Guys?
- Mm-hm, mm-hm, mm!
Behold.
Dwight: What?
What?
I can't see.
- Ludicriso.
- I thought he was just
a bedtime story.
- What?
What bedtime story?
- Designed to frighten children.
- Why would you want to
frighten children at bedtime?
- This story, I fear,
may be based in fact.
Baldric: You mean to say
that Ludicriso is... real?
- That's not a door!
That's not a door!
[thump]
Who's Ludicriso?
Gretta: A maniacal court jester
who lures children to his castle
and makes them into pudding.
- That is the one.
[timer beeps]
Oh, has it been six minutes?
Oh.
Woman: [humming]
- Let's not overdo it.
The fish likes a nice swing
and a hum--
- That's a dead fish.
- But too much is...
just a little too much.
[chuckles]
Dwight: [frightened grunting]
Oh, come on, man!
Ahh!
[bang]
Ow!
Gretta: Until we find a remedy,
we must keep Sir Dwight
and the pants
contained in this room.
- Agreed.
- Oh, don't mind me.
I'll just be sittin' here
banging my head against the...
Ooh!
Nana: Hey, kids!
- Ahhhhh!
- Wow, Dwight.
Those are some fancy pants.
- They're Ludicriso's pants.
- A demonic jester.
- And a fabulous pudding maker.
- This is not
how I saw this day going!
[thump]
Oh!
Ah, ah.
[watch alert]
Oh, just got my 10,000 steps.
[thud]
- You okay, honey?
- [groans]
Nana: You okay, pants?
I want you to know
I don't believe everything
I hear about people--
Ah!
[thump]
- [panting]
That was not me.
You know that, right?
[magical sparkling sound]
- Oh dear.
[motorcycle revving sound]
Ahhh!
♪
- We're never going
to catch her.
- She'll be pudding by sundown.
- Come on guys, that way.
Alder Street.
I'll call a car.
- [yelping]
Okay, Fancy Pants,
it's just you and me now.
[car tires screech]
Oh!
Dwight: Gotcha.
[door slams]
- [giggling]
- [grunting]
Whatever, pants.
You're not goin' anywhere.
Seat belts, everybody.
Buckle up.
All right, safety first.
- Get the pants.
- Ah!
- Your sadistic master
will make no pudding today!
- Whoa!
[thwap]
Good gravy, I'm sorry!
[magical sparkling noise]
Where'd they go?
- Ugh, not again.
All: [yelling and grunting]
- Get those pants.
- Uncle, uncle!
- Ancient infirmed one!
Nana: [shrieks]
- No!
[grunting]
[car door rolls open]
No, no!
[grunting]
- That way, turn left!
- She's crossing to the park--
go around!
Baldric: Go, go, go, go!
[pants jingling]
Dwight: They're heading
for the woods.
Nana: Those are some pants
in a serious hustle.
- Ludicriso, for certain!
- Not for certain at all.
Baldric: He'll be dining
on Princess Pudding
within the hour.
- [both] Eww.
Baldric: We cannot let
the princess reach the woods.
Coachman, halt!
[car tires screech]
Dwight: [grunting]
Baldric:
I will flank her from the west.
Lady Nana, from the north!
- On it!
Baldric:
Sir Dwight, take the south.
Dwight: South, south, south...
Okay, got it!
Great ride.
Five stars.
[car door slams]
- Ah!
Gretta: [panting]
Pardon!
Dwight: Stop right there!
- Sir Dwight!
- Ha-ha!
[pants jingling]
- Hold it right there.
[pants jingling]
- [sighs]
Dwight: Easy now, Fancy Pants.
We're not gonna hurt you.
Baldric:
Oh, I intend to hurt you.
Ah!
- Sorry!
[heavy breathing]
- [coaxing]
Good pants, good pants.
- No... no, no, no, no, no!
- Ahhh!
- [grunting]
Huh?
This is getting really old!
[upbeat music]
♪
On your right!
Ahhhh, ahh.
- Remember when
we had that kind of energy?
- Love the pants!
- Thank you!
Ahhhhhh, ahhhh!
♪
[frantic laughter]
- Sir Dwight, no!
- [panting]
I don't think
we've been formally introduced.
My name is Dwight
and I don't deserve this.
I've been Citizen of the Month
three times this year already.
Do you know how hard that is?
Ooh!
Gretta: Sir Dwight?!
Nana: Honey bear?
Baldric: Sir Dwight?
Honeybear?
- [frightened groaning]
Spiderwebs!
[screams]
♪
[manic, high-pitched yelp]
- The cry
of a frightened damsel.
[manic, high-pitched yelp]
- Nope, that's my boy.
[yelp]
- This way!
- That was a boy?
♪
Dwight: ...and I volunteer
at the Woodside Senior Center
every Friday.
And who's gonna organize the
Recycling Fair this September
if I'm a pudding?
Huh?
Ah-ha, we've hit a dead end!
Huh?
Are you kidding me?!
[screams]
[grunting]
Listen, I love your tenacity.
You're a real go-getter.
A real asset
to your crazy jester boss.
I'd like to offer you a job
outside of
the kid pudding industry.
I could really use
your kind of can-do attitude...
[leafy footsteps]
- How on earth
did Ludicriso's pants
come among our belongings?
- No doubt placed there
by our enemies.
- I've lost his trail.
- [choking back tears]
That it should end like this
for Sir Dwight.
- [also tearing up]
Made into a pudding.
Nana: He's not a pudding yet.
There!
[snoring]
[pants jingling]
[crash]
- [frightened grunting]
You should know...
I-I have athlete's foot,
a-and intestinal parasites
and rabies!
Nobody wants any of that
in their pudding!
Ow!
Ow!
How is this not hurting you?
[soft footsteps]
- [sniffs] Do you smell pudding?
- Steel yourself, princess.
We may be too late.
Dwight:
[shrill scream in the distance]
- Dwight!
Baldric: Follow that high,
dainty scream!
- [continues grunting]
[ominous sound]
[frantic panting]
There's a psycho jester
in there, huh?
Ah!
Noooo.
[bang]
[doors creak open]
[panting]
[silence]
Oh.
Gretta/Baldric/Nana: Noooooo!
[silence]
Oh.
[magical sparkling sound]
- Look at that.
A fancy shirt.
Gretta: Not a maniacal
jester cannibal?
- Aw, they're so cute.
They just wanted to be together.
- Isn't that darling?
Look at them all cuddled up.
Baldric: Perhaps Ludicriso
is just a bedtime story,
after all?
Gretta: I was so certain
those pants
had a sinister motive.
- Well, see?
Everything in the world
is not evil
and trying to kill you.
Sometimes,
there is an adorable explanation
with a happy ending.
- Now there are two of them
and they are eyeing us.
Back. Away. Slowly.
- Forget it.
[ding]
Oh, 32,000 steps.
- Good for you, sugar pie.
- Yeah,
I think I'm good for awhile.
Baldric: On seven, we scatter.
Seven!
[both screaming]
♪
[soft footsteps]
Six thousand steps to go?
[running footsteps]
[breathes heavily]
Oh, come on!
That was more than nine steps.
Baldric: Huzzah!
Ha-ha.
Oh, look at what I found,
Sir Dwight.
[laughs]
'Tis my old hunting frock.
Oh.
Many a dragon came undone
at the mere sight
of this beauty.
- Nice.
Baldric: We are finally
unpacking the wardrobe crates
we brought over from the castle.
It's as if my world
has been reopened to me.
Huh, oh!
[laughs]
Oh, can you believe
I ever wore this old thing?
[chuckling]
♪
Uh...how garish.
Gretta:
I fear I have outgrown this.
Dwight: Wow.
Kid-sized armor.
Gretta: What good
would this do me now
if I were I to run into a goblin
or an ogre or a troll.
Dwight: Well, maybe it won't be
a goblin or an ogre or a troll.
Maybe it'll be something nice.
Like a...
Cute kid with lemonade.
- [short chuckle]
- Hey, Mr. Baldric.
- We'll take the whole load.
And the wagon.
Lulu: Thanks for
supporting Lulu's Lemonade.
- [grunts]
- Take this, little Lulu...
may it preserve your young life
in battle.
[sighs]
Baldric: Ah.
Gretta: Ooh!
Lulu: You want
Strawberry Lemonade next week?
- Uh, pink, if you please.
- Or cherry!
Baldric: Sir Dwight,
make yourself of use
and unpack that crate
while I don my Royal Court Robe.
Dwight: Yeah, sure thing.
Baldric: Ha-ha.
- Baldric, another one of your
completely different outfits.
- 'Tis my burial shift.
When the day comes, Sir Dwight,
see to it I am buried in this.
[intensely] Promise me.
- 'Kay.
- Good lad.
[jingling]
- [chuckles]
Huh, somebody's not afraid
to make a bold statement.
These.
Guys?
Huh?
[bells jingling]
Ah!
[frightened grunting]
Guys, seriously.
- Does this one
make me look overfed?
Dwight: [grunting continues]
Guys!!!
Ahhhh!
Ahh, guys!
- Sir Dwight has just
stolen our jester pants.
- [frightened yelling]
- Shall we pursue him, Highness?
- [manic laughing]
- Something's amiss.
- Well, I can't possibly
give chase
in my Royal Court Robe.
I will change!
♪
Dwight: Okay,
so about a thousand years ago
there was this princess, Gretta,
and she was in big trouble
'cause she had lots of enemies
and not a lot of friends.
So her court magician, Baldric,
cast the champion spell.
It put everyone in the woods
to sleep
until a champion would come,
break the spell with his kiss,
and deal with Gretta's big,
scary enemies.
But that guy never showed up.
Instead...
Ahhh!
[kiss]
...they got me.
♪
Ah!
♪
Ow!
♪
♪
[screaming]
Fence! Fence!
[screaming]
[panting]
Car!
Road! Road!
[short, high-pitched screams]
[car honks]
Cross at the crosswalk,
you maniac!
[grunting]
Ahh.
Hello?!
Are you even listening to me?!
[panting]
Gretta: Sir Dwight?
- Help!
- With what?
Dwight: These pants!
They have a mind of their own!
- How so?
Dwight: They want to go
that way!
Wait, that way.
No, over there!
That way!
No, over there.
[stomach grumbles]
T-Turkey bacon's backing up--
- Sir Dwight is unwell.
Dwight: I was perfectly well
until these pants jumped on me.
Gretta:
The pants leapt upon you?
Dwight: Well see,
when you say it like that,
it sounds crazy.
[groaning and grunting]
- Oh dear.
- Oh dear, indeed.
Dwight: What?
What's 'oh dear'?
- Clearly you have been
seized upon
by demonic pant legs.
Baldric: Mm.
The devil is in the pants.
- What is it with you two?
It doesn't always have to be
a demon or a devil.
Maybe there's
a simple explanation.
- Such as...?
Dwight: Such as...
the pants have been
cooped up in a crate
and need some fresh air?
Baldric: Why would pants
need fresh air?
- Why would pants be possessed?
- That is exactly
what we need to find out.
- [grunting]
Baldric!
[thud]
Dwight: [shriek]
All: [grunting]
Dwight: Do we have a plan B?
Baldric: On the count of six,
Highness,
you leap out of the way
and Sir Dwight
will unhand the pole.
- Why six?
- Ready.
- Six!
Dwight: Ah!
[thud]
Baldric: Haha!
Victory!
- [groaning] Not for me.
Gretta: Ah!
We must rid you of these pants.
Dwight: Hey, w-wait, hold up...
- Urgh!
They. Don't. Want.
To. Come. Off!
Dwight: Just in case they do,
you should know,
the poop emoji boxers,
they were a gift from Nana.
[magical sparkling sound]
[yelp]
Whoa, what the...
- You're free!
Baldric: [yells]
[frightened groaning]
[yelps]
- [frustrated grunt]
- [panting]
Heeeeeeeeeeeeelp!
- That's a wrinkle.
- Make haste!
[upbeat music]
Dwight: Is it possible
just to keep
the poop emoji thing
just between us?
♪
Baldric: [yelling]
Disperse, peasants!
Move away!
Stand aside!
Scatter!
Run for your lives!
Ahhh!
[crash]
I am too aged for this.
[pie splatters]
- Gah!
Dwight: I am so sorry.
So, so, so, so, so sorry.
- Sir Dwight, help me!
- [panting]
Gretta: Ha!
You're trapped, Devil Pants!
- Probably not Devil Pants.
- Yield, Demon Leg-wear!
- Or Demon Leg-wear.
- Well, then what are they
and what do they want?
[magical sparkling sound]
Gretta: [grunting]
Aw, floof.
[screaming]
Baldric: [grunting] Sir Dwight.
- Now give it a nice swing
and hum your favorite tune--
- [begins humming]
[cellphone rings]
- Oh! I beg your pardon.
Oh, continue.
Hum, hum, hum.
And keep that fish swinging.
Baldie boo, darling...
- We're on our way
with a nine hundred and eleven!
Hexela: [on phone] Oh!
Baldric: Hello?
- Sorry, dropped my fish.
What were you saying?
O-Oh, keep humming.
Don't mind me.
And swinging.
Swing, swing, swing.
[chuckles]
Baldric... hello?
- [soft humming]
- Better.
- [panting]
Gretta: [distraught grunting]
[shriek]
- No!
[thump]
[magical sparkling sound]
Oh, man.
- Well, well.
- [frightened grunting]
- No.
- [continues grunting]
- Most disturbing.
Baldric: You fear the worst?
- Always.
- Why?
Why always fear the worst?
- Tell me all.
- [frantic yelping]
- We were unpacking
our crates of clothes...
- [gasp] Ooh!
Did you find your hunting frock?
- I did.
- It always makes you
look so gallant.
Baldric: Well, maybe I shall
wear it again for you next time.
Baldric/Hexela:
[flirtatious chuckling]
[slap]
- Ah!
Baldric: [clears throat]
We were, as I said, unpacking
and Sir Dwight
donned the jester pants.
- Yeah, that's one way of saying
they freaking jumped on me.
- And then on me.
- And then on me.
Dwight: And now back to me.
- Curious.
Oh, hexcellent.
Keep up the good work,
you're doing beautifully.
Baldric: Come.
On the count of eight,
we shall pounce on Sir Dwight.
- On eight?
Why not NOW?!
[yelps]
- A futile effort, I fear.
Dwight: [yelping]
Guys?
- Mm-hm, mm-hm, mm!
Behold.
Dwight: What?
What?
I can't see.
- Ludicriso.
- I thought he was just
a bedtime story.
- What?
What bedtime story?
- Designed to frighten children.
- Why would you want to
frighten children at bedtime?
- This story, I fear,
may be based in fact.
Baldric: You mean to say
that Ludicriso is... real?
- That's not a door!
That's not a door!
[thump]
Who's Ludicriso?
Gretta: A maniacal court jester
who lures children to his castle
and makes them into pudding.
- That is the one.
[timer beeps]
Oh, has it been six minutes?
Oh.
Woman: [humming]
- Let's not overdo it.
The fish likes a nice swing
and a hum--
- That's a dead fish.
- But too much is...
just a little too much.
[chuckles]
Dwight: [frightened grunting]
Oh, come on, man!
Ahh!
[bang]
Ow!
Gretta: Until we find a remedy,
we must keep Sir Dwight
and the pants
contained in this room.
- Agreed.
- Oh, don't mind me.
I'll just be sittin' here
banging my head against the...
Ooh!
Nana: Hey, kids!
- Ahhhhh!
- Wow, Dwight.
Those are some fancy pants.
- They're Ludicriso's pants.
- A demonic jester.
- And a fabulous pudding maker.
- This is not
how I saw this day going!
[thump]
Oh!
Ah, ah.
[watch alert]
Oh, just got my 10,000 steps.
[thud]
- You okay, honey?
- [groans]
Nana: You okay, pants?
I want you to know
I don't believe everything
I hear about people--
Ah!
[thump]
- [panting]
That was not me.
You know that, right?
[magical sparkling sound]
- Oh dear.
[motorcycle revving sound]
Ahhh!
♪
- We're never going
to catch her.
- She'll be pudding by sundown.
- Come on guys, that way.
Alder Street.
I'll call a car.
- [yelping]
Okay, Fancy Pants,
it's just you and me now.
[car tires screech]
Oh!
Dwight: Gotcha.
[door slams]
- [giggling]
- [grunting]
Whatever, pants.
You're not goin' anywhere.
Seat belts, everybody.
Buckle up.
All right, safety first.
- Get the pants.
- Ah!
- Your sadistic master
will make no pudding today!
- Whoa!
[thwap]
Good gravy, I'm sorry!
[magical sparkling noise]
Where'd they go?
- Ugh, not again.
All: [yelling and grunting]
- Get those pants.
- Uncle, uncle!
- Ancient infirmed one!
Nana: [shrieks]
- No!
[grunting]
[car door rolls open]
No, no!
[grunting]
- That way, turn left!
- She's crossing to the park--
go around!
Baldric: Go, go, go, go!
[pants jingling]
Dwight: They're heading
for the woods.
Nana: Those are some pants
in a serious hustle.
- Ludicriso, for certain!
- Not for certain at all.
Baldric: He'll be dining
on Princess Pudding
within the hour.
- [both] Eww.
Baldric: We cannot let
the princess reach the woods.
Coachman, halt!
[car tires screech]
Dwight: [grunting]
Baldric:
I will flank her from the west.
Lady Nana, from the north!
- On it!
Baldric:
Sir Dwight, take the south.
Dwight: South, south, south...
Okay, got it!
Great ride.
Five stars.
[car door slams]
- Ah!
Gretta: [panting]
Pardon!
Dwight: Stop right there!
- Sir Dwight!
- Ha-ha!
[pants jingling]
- Hold it right there.
[pants jingling]
- [sighs]
Dwight: Easy now, Fancy Pants.
We're not gonna hurt you.
Baldric:
Oh, I intend to hurt you.
Ah!
- Sorry!
[heavy breathing]
- [coaxing]
Good pants, good pants.
- No... no, no, no, no, no!
- Ahhh!
- [grunting]
Huh?
This is getting really old!
[upbeat music]
♪
On your right!
Ahhhh, ahh.
- Remember when
we had that kind of energy?
- Love the pants!
- Thank you!
Ahhhhhh, ahhhh!
♪
[frantic laughter]
- Sir Dwight, no!
- [panting]
I don't think
we've been formally introduced.
My name is Dwight
and I don't deserve this.
I've been Citizen of the Month
three times this year already.
Do you know how hard that is?
Ooh!
Gretta: Sir Dwight?!
Nana: Honey bear?
Baldric: Sir Dwight?
Honeybear?
- [frightened groaning]
Spiderwebs!
[screams]
♪
[manic, high-pitched yelp]
- The cry
of a frightened damsel.
[manic, high-pitched yelp]
- Nope, that's my boy.
[yelp]
- This way!
- That was a boy?
♪
Dwight: ...and I volunteer
at the Woodside Senior Center
every Friday.
And who's gonna organize the
Recycling Fair this September
if I'm a pudding?
Huh?
Ah-ha, we've hit a dead end!
Huh?
Are you kidding me?!
[screams]
[grunting]
Listen, I love your tenacity.
You're a real go-getter.
A real asset
to your crazy jester boss.
I'd like to offer you a job
outside of
the kid pudding industry.
I could really use
your kind of can-do attitude...
[leafy footsteps]
- How on earth
did Ludicriso's pants
come among our belongings?
- No doubt placed there
by our enemies.
- I've lost his trail.
- [choking back tears]
That it should end like this
for Sir Dwight.
- [also tearing up]
Made into a pudding.
Nana: He's not a pudding yet.
There!
[snoring]
[pants jingling]
[crash]
- [frightened grunting]
You should know...
I-I have athlete's foot,
a-and intestinal parasites
and rabies!
Nobody wants any of that
in their pudding!
Ow!
Ow!
How is this not hurting you?
[soft footsteps]
- [sniffs] Do you smell pudding?
- Steel yourself, princess.
We may be too late.
Dwight:
[shrill scream in the distance]
- Dwight!
Baldric: Follow that high,
dainty scream!
- [continues grunting]
[ominous sound]
[frantic panting]
There's a psycho jester
in there, huh?
Ah!
Noooo.
[bang]
[doors creak open]
[panting]
[silence]
Oh.
Gretta/Baldric/Nana: Noooooo!
[silence]
Oh.
[magical sparkling sound]
- Look at that.
A fancy shirt.
Gretta: Not a maniacal
jester cannibal?
- Aw, they're so cute.
They just wanted to be together.
- Isn't that darling?
Look at them all cuddled up.
Baldric: Perhaps Ludicriso
is just a bedtime story,
after all?
Gretta: I was so certain
those pants
had a sinister motive.
- Well, see?
Everything in the world
is not evil
and trying to kill you.
Sometimes,
there is an adorable explanation
with a happy ending.
- Now there are two of them
and they are eyeing us.
Back. Away. Slowly.
- Forget it.
[ding]
Oh, 32,000 steps.
- Good for you, sugar pie.
- Yeah,
I think I'm good for awhile.
Baldric: On seven, we scatter.
Seven!
[both screaming]
♪