Dwight in Shining Armor (2018–2021): Season 3, Episode 2 - Glimpse - full transcript
Dwight: Well,
if you didn't know,
here's what happened.
Jacopo: You are a brute.
Not worthy to rescue a maiden
so beautiful as she.
- Oh, thank you.
- Fly away with me, dolcezza.
Agnet: Anywhere, my prince.
Gretta: They are perfect
for each other.
Dwight: Right?
Chlodwig: I give it six months.
♪
Hexela: [gasps] Oh!
[sniffs] Ah.
Oh.
- Hm.
Ah! A lapse candle.
Light the candle,
and time will stop
for all but you
for as long as the candle burns.
- Oh! That's handy.
[door closes]
- Hey, guys.
Whatcha working on?
Gretta: Oo, are these
Ragana's belongings?
- And now they're mine.
- What are these?
- Dancing slippers.
♪
[clanging]
[zip]
- And these?
- Muffin pebbles.
- Oh.
[whoosh]
- Ooh!
Mm. [chuckles]
Hexela: Ah!
It'll hit you like a rock.
- Oh.
Dwight: What's this?
Hexela: Oh, human finger.
- Ahh!
[making scared sounds]
Gretta: [humming quietly]
Oh, what of this?
- More trouble than it's worth.
- No good can come of it.
- Never has, never will.
Dwight: It's just a ring.
Hexela: It's a Glimpse.
- What's a Glimpse?
Baldric: Slip it
on your finger,
it will show you a glimpse
of your future.
- Seriously?
Gretta: So if I were but
to slip this on my finger--
- I would advise against it,
Highness.
Hexela: This particular Glimpse
will only show you something
that will happen to you
within the day.
Baldric: But the future
is best left a mystery.
- True, true.
- Oh, oh, herb oils.
[growling]
Gretta: Sir Dwight and I
will leave you to your task.
Dwight: Oh, what's this thing?
- Sir Dwight,
I think we've caused
enough distraction.
- But--
- Out we go.
- I just wanted to--
- Enjoy.
Baldric and Hexela:
[talking indistinctly]
[door closes]
♪
Dwight: Okay, so about
a thousand years ago,
there was this princess, Gretta,
and she was in big trouble,
'cause she had lots of enemies
and not a lot of friends.
♪
So, her court magician, Baldric,
cast the Champion spell.
It put everyone in the woods
to sleep
until a champion would come,
break the spell with his kiss,
and deal with Gretta's
big, scary enemies.
But that guy never showed up.
Instead--
Aah!
[kiss]
--they got me.
Aah!
♪
Ow!
♪
♪
[birds chirping]
[snoring]
Dwight: You think
that was a real finger?
I mean, she was just
messing with me, right?
- Chlodwig!
- What's amiss?
- What say you, fellows?
Who wants to see their future?
- Uh, what about what they said
about leaving the future
a mystery?
- [blows a raspberry]
Chlodwig: What is this bauble?
Gretta: 'Tis a Glimpse.
Put it on your finger,
and it will show you
your future.
Dwight: Actually, just something
that'll happen to you that day.
- You jest.
- I wouldn't do that.
- AAAAHHH!
[crowd chatter]
[thunk]
AAAHH!
- Dude, you okay?
Gretta: What did you see?
- A nightmare of horrors.
You are certain I will be met
with this fate today?
- So said the witch.
- I am undone.
Gretta: Surely not.
Perhaps if I just have a look.
Dwight: Bad idea!
- Hm.
[gasp]
[crash]
[crowd yelling]
AAAAHHH!
Dwight: Let me guess,
you saw something
you wish you hadn't.
- Uh-huh.
Dwight: Because no good can come
from knowing the future.
Chlodwig: Were you
in the Swine and Slosh Tavern?
- Mm-hm.
Chlodwig: And were you being
treated with an indignity
ill-fitting to one
of your station?
We must know more.
- Don't.
[clicking]
- Nothing.
- Because you've already
seen your glimpse for today.
Dwight: That seems right.
♪
What?
What?
Hey, guys, no.
No, no, no.
No, I am staying out of thi--
Hey! Ow!
[crowd jeering]
Dwight: Stop, please!
Aah!
Now everybody's throwing veggies
at me!
[thunk]
AAAHH!
Uhh!
- Bad?
- Pretty bad.
Chlodwig: Were you
in the Swine and Slosh Tavern?
- Uh-huh.
Chloddwig: And were you being
treated with--
- Serious indignity.
- 'Twas fortunate we found
the Glimpse when we did.
Now that we've seen our future,
we may prevent it.
- Don't think
that's how it works.
Gretta: We know
the heinous events happen
at the Swine and Slosh Tavern.
- 'Tis a problem.
Dwight: 'Tis?
- It is the end of the month,
and I must pay my tavern tab
today without fail.
Gretta: No, Chlodwig.
None of us shall step foot
into the Swine and Slosh
Tavern today.
Then, no ill fortune
can befall us.
- Of course.
- You sure about that?
Chlodwig: We shall leave fate
stranded like a jilted bride.
Gretta: None of us steps foot
out of this hut until tomorrow.
- Wait, what?
Chlodwig: An infallible plan.
We bar the doors
and open them for no one.
- There isn't even
a bathroom in here!
- The hut is amply stocked
with salted squirrel meat.
- Dude,
we said no more squirrel.
[pounding on door]
- Oh, who could that be?
Dwight and Gretta: Wait!
[thunk]
[thud]
- Chlodwig!
Unhand him!
That is a royal command.
- If you've got a grievance,
take it up with Hellibad.
[dragging]
Dwight: Who's Hellibad?
- The proprietor
of the Swine and Slosh Tavern.
- Hm.
- What have you there?
[shaking]
- It's difficult to say.
- Hm.
- [grunting with effort]
Hm. Ah.
Why is this so hard to open?
[pop]
[gasp]
[scream]
[crash]
AAAHHH!
[whizzing and shrieking]
Get it off! Get it off!
- Hexie! Hexie!
[creature growls]
- Good heavens!
[shrieking and stomping]
Die! Die!
Oh! Ow!
[zipping]
[deflated] Oh.
[splash]
[coughing and sputtering]
Chlodwig: Hellibad.
Jacopo: ♪ The pig-faced prince
gets an orange soda rinse. ♪
♪ So sticky. ♪
Chlodwig: You.
Hellibad: It's the end
of the month.
- Right you are.
- Today's the day
the Swine and Slosh Tavern
settles all its accounts.
- Sound business practice.
Hellibad: All tabs are due.
You've run up quite a tab.
You've got my money?
- Not on my-- on my person.
But, if you'll allow me
to go retrieve it.
Hellibad: You do not
leave my sight.
Jacopo: ♪ The silly boy
can't pay his debt, ♪
♪ and now he does
begin to fret, ♪
♪ for Hellibad
will light the oil ♪
♪ and cause the piggy prince
to boil. ♪
Gretta: [grunts] Chlodwig!
- But look!
♪ Principessa and her champion
monkey boy, oh joy. ♪
Dwight: Jacopo?
What?
What are you doing here?
- I sing the news.
- Uh...
Gretta: That's
what troubadours do.
Jacopo: Only until better
prospects present themselves.
I am a man of ambition.
Hellibad: I'm payin' you
to sing!
- ♪ Hellibad is hopping mad. ♪
- Old news!
Gretta: What is the meaning
of this?
Hellibad: It's the end
of the month.
All tabs are due.
- And that makes it okay
to kidnap people?
Chlodwig: See here, Hellibad.
Edenbery Elf owes me 60 crowns.
Once he pays me, I can pay you--
[crash]
With interest.
- You can't pay?
Then you work.
- Work?
Hellibad: For three days.
Dwight: Three days?
Come on, that's a bit excessive.
- And you are...
friends of his?
Gretta: Indeed, we are.
Contend with him,
and you contend with all of us.
- Fair enough.
Get to work, missy.
- I beg your pardon?
Hellibad: You too.
Scrub the floor.
- Wh-What--
now, hold up just a second.
- One worker for three days
or three workers for one day.
It's all the same to me.
Gretta: You're suggesting
that I should--
- Dear cousin Gretta,
dear brother Dwight.
Every man should be blessed
with friends like you.
Hellibad: Get to work!
Gretta: [grunts]
[thunk]
Jacopo: ♪ Oh, what a sight
not seen before, ♪
♪ the princess scrubbing
a dirty floor. ♪
Ay!
Hellibad: You.
- I must warn you;
I am not adept at menial tasks.
- You're the entertainment.
- [laughs]
- AAAAHHHH!
[crowd laughing and talking]
[men laughing]
- How do we
get in these situations?
[Chlodwig screaming]
[whizz and thunk]
[crowd jeering]
[whizz and thunk]
Knife Thrower: Yes!
[crowd laughing and talking]
[knife clatters]
Jacopo: ♪ That beef-handed
louse ♪
♪ could not hit
the broad side of a house. ♪
Thug: How about it then,
squawking chicken.
Crowd: Oohh.
- Let's see
if you can do better.
- Ah, I will do so.
With the greatest of ease.
Grazie.
Hold still.
- [growls]
- Piggy prince.
- If you throw that knife,
rat-catcher...!
Fate is a cruel mistress!
[whizz and thunk]
Jacopo: Whoa!
[crowd cheers loudly]
Thug: Well done,
well done, well done.
[crowd cheering loudly]
Chlodwig: [growls]
- This is what I do.
I am not just a troubadour.
[thud]
[crowd cheering]
Gretta: [grunting]
No, no.
Jacopo: Ah!
Hyah-ha-ha!
[thunk]
[thud]
[growling]
Hellibad: No brawling
in my tavern!
[sigh]
Who killed my troubadour?
- He all but asked for it.
- Now who's going to
sing the news?
- Uh, hey guys, he's not dead.
He's fine.
What?
[tuning lute]
- SING!
Dwight: I'm...
[out of tune chord]
♪ ...playing the lute
and singing, ♪
♪ even though
I don't play the lute or sing. ♪
♪ Because Chlodwig
knocked out Jacopo ♪
♪ because Jacopo
threw a knife at him. ♪
♪ Yes, he threw a knife. ♪
- I did not think today
could get any worse.
Thug: HEY!
What are you doing?
♪ I'm singing the news,
and the news is bad, ♪
♪ but a big guy
is looking really mad. ♪
Hey! That rhymes.
Thug: [grunts]
- Hey!
[crowd booing]
Ah! Please!
Ah!
♪ Now everybody's
throwing veggies at me. ♪
[thunk]
[thud]
[squeaking]
[zipping and crashing]
[shushing]
[zipping and crashing]
[creature chattering]
- [under breath] Go that way!
Baldric: Oh, a speed demon!
- Horrid little beast!
- Aaahhhh!
[crash]
[zipping]
[creature laughing]
[thudding of vegetables]
- Ugh!
[crowd booing]
Gretta: Sir Dwight
is besieged on all sides.
- Cowering
like a lily-livered ninny.
- You.
You.
[growls]
[grunting]
You look thirsty,
little blonde piggy!
[crash]
Crowd: Ohh!
- Oh, mamma mía!
[crashing]
[punching and yelling]
[punch]
[yelling]
[crash]
[thud]
[creature giggling]
[zipping and crashing]
- Why on earth
would Ragana have
a speed demon in a bottle?
- Pppffftt!
[tearing]
[gasping and growling]
- And how are we
to get it back into the bottle?
- There may be a way.
[chattering]
Sometimes the simplest solution
is the best.
[shushing]
[muttered] Three, two, one, go.
[thud]
[laughter]
But not this time!
[screaming and shrieking]
[yelling and crashing]
[screaming]
[punching and yelling]
Dwight: [whimpering]
Jacopo: Oh, there you are!
[punching and yelling]
What kind of champion are you,
hiding behind a stool?
- You're hiding behind me,
hiding behind the stool!
- I can't engage in fisticuffs.
I make a living
with these hands.
[kiss]
- Hey!
No brawling in my tavern!
Ohh!
[crash]
- Whatever happened
with you and Agnet?
Oh, no!
Man, I am so sorry!
I really liked you guys
together.
What happened?
- She was eaten
by a rampaging giant.
[thud]
- We're gonna need
a bigger stool!
How about we head
for that speaker stack?
Jacopo: What's a speaking snack?
- The-- the speaker stack!
You know, the thing
that's connected to the--
The mic.
Hang on, cover me.
- 'Scuse me?
- [breathing heavily]
[tapping microphone]
[loud, piercing mic feedback]
Hey! Testing.
Uh, you heard the man,
no brawling
in Hellibad's tavern.
[crashing and punching]
[loud, piercing mic feedback]
We can do this all day.
[crash]
Jacopo: What-a now?
- It is time for a retreat.
Chlodwig: There's no honor
in retreat.
Dwight: There's no honor
in getting trampled to death
either.
- Confound that Glimpse!
If we hadn't have seen
our future,
Chlodwig would have
paid his tab today.
- And we could have
skipped all this.
- You're right.
Dwight: I say we crawl.
- Like cowards.
- Exactly like cowards.
Right out that door.
[punching and yelling]
[growling]
- Crawl, little piggy, crawl.
Chlodwig: I'm not a piggy!
- That's exactly
what the little piggy would say!
[punching and yelling]
[creature chattering]
Hexela: Where is it?
[creature chattering]
Baldric: There!
Hexela: Ahh!
Baldric: There!
Hexela: Ahh!
[zipping]
Baldric: There!
[creature squeaking]
Try as it will,
it shall not pass.
[creature chattering]
[door opens]
[yelling]
- Ah--
Oh, that could prove a problem.
[car brakes screech]
[crash]
- What was that?
Hexela: What was what?
[crashing]
Baldric: I saw nothing.
Uh, what have you three kids
been up to today, hm?
- Hm?
- Just learning life lessons
the hard way.
Chlodwig: Sir Dwight
should never be allowed
to sing in public.
Baldric: Ah, yes.
- Ughh.
- Really?
That's the big takeaway?
Come on, bud.
Gretta: I have, in fact,
learned my lesson.
- Hm?
- The future
is best left a mystery.
- [gasps] Mm.
Baldric: Princ-- Mm.
- ♪ Oh,
my darling lady fair, ♪
♪ you have gone,
I know not where. ♪
♪ You were swallowed
by a giant, ♪
♪ though I fought it
most defiant. ♪
♪ Now, here am I,
in a smelly tavern place, ♪
♪ singing for a mean man
with an angry fa-a-ace. ♪
Mr. Dale: Now, that makes
two hundred and five.
How many bones
am I supposed to have in all?
Sir Aldred: Two hundred and six.
And not just you, everybody.
- We're so close!
- Although kneecaps
are technically sesamoids.
- Ahh.
To be back in my--
immense, massive,
terrifying body again.
- I await the day most keenly,
when my vast powers
can team with your vast powers.
Soon, the brotherhood
of the Tovenaars will be back.
- Ha-ha!
We shall roast our enemies
on spits!
- If you like.
- We shall feast
on their brains and innards!
- Uh... cheers.
[clink]
- Another Pineapple Shasta!
- Mm.
- It's the end of the month,
gents.
Tabs are due.
- Huh.
Do you have any notion
who we are?
- A couple of puffkins
that owe me 40 crowns?
- [laughs]
Hm.
Would you like to see
a magic trick?
- Keep your tricks.
[paper rustling]
[paper rustling]
[paper rustling]
[paper rustling]
[whoosh]
[squawking]
Jacopo: Bravo!
Magnifico!
Fantastico!
- Oh!
Oh-ho-ho!
Uh--
Do a puppy.
- Oh, no--
Sir Aldred: No need.
Congratulations, my good fellow.
This tavern is now yours.
[parrot squawking]
I have a good feeling about you.
I trust you'll be
more accommodating
than our parrot friend?
[parrot squawking]
- I live to serve, signore.
♪
if you didn't know,
here's what happened.
Jacopo: You are a brute.
Not worthy to rescue a maiden
so beautiful as she.
- Oh, thank you.
- Fly away with me, dolcezza.
Agnet: Anywhere, my prince.
Gretta: They are perfect
for each other.
Dwight: Right?
Chlodwig: I give it six months.
♪
Hexela: [gasps] Oh!
[sniffs] Ah.
Oh.
- Hm.
Ah! A lapse candle.
Light the candle,
and time will stop
for all but you
for as long as the candle burns.
- Oh! That's handy.
[door closes]
- Hey, guys.
Whatcha working on?
Gretta: Oo, are these
Ragana's belongings?
- And now they're mine.
- What are these?
- Dancing slippers.
♪
[clanging]
[zip]
- And these?
- Muffin pebbles.
- Oh.
[whoosh]
- Ooh!
Mm. [chuckles]
Hexela: Ah!
It'll hit you like a rock.
- Oh.
Dwight: What's this?
Hexela: Oh, human finger.
- Ahh!
[making scared sounds]
Gretta: [humming quietly]
Oh, what of this?
- More trouble than it's worth.
- No good can come of it.
- Never has, never will.
Dwight: It's just a ring.
Hexela: It's a Glimpse.
- What's a Glimpse?
Baldric: Slip it
on your finger,
it will show you a glimpse
of your future.
- Seriously?
Gretta: So if I were but
to slip this on my finger--
- I would advise against it,
Highness.
Hexela: This particular Glimpse
will only show you something
that will happen to you
within the day.
Baldric: But the future
is best left a mystery.
- True, true.
- Oh, oh, herb oils.
[growling]
Gretta: Sir Dwight and I
will leave you to your task.
Dwight: Oh, what's this thing?
- Sir Dwight,
I think we've caused
enough distraction.
- But--
- Out we go.
- I just wanted to--
- Enjoy.
Baldric and Hexela:
[talking indistinctly]
[door closes]
♪
Dwight: Okay, so about
a thousand years ago,
there was this princess, Gretta,
and she was in big trouble,
'cause she had lots of enemies
and not a lot of friends.
♪
So, her court magician, Baldric,
cast the Champion spell.
It put everyone in the woods
to sleep
until a champion would come,
break the spell with his kiss,
and deal with Gretta's
big, scary enemies.
But that guy never showed up.
Instead--
Aah!
[kiss]
--they got me.
Aah!
♪
Ow!
♪
♪
[birds chirping]
[snoring]
Dwight: You think
that was a real finger?
I mean, she was just
messing with me, right?
- Chlodwig!
- What's amiss?
- What say you, fellows?
Who wants to see their future?
- Uh, what about what they said
about leaving the future
a mystery?
- [blows a raspberry]
Chlodwig: What is this bauble?
Gretta: 'Tis a Glimpse.
Put it on your finger,
and it will show you
your future.
Dwight: Actually, just something
that'll happen to you that day.
- You jest.
- I wouldn't do that.
- AAAAHHH!
[crowd chatter]
[thunk]
AAAHH!
- Dude, you okay?
Gretta: What did you see?
- A nightmare of horrors.
You are certain I will be met
with this fate today?
- So said the witch.
- I am undone.
Gretta: Surely not.
Perhaps if I just have a look.
Dwight: Bad idea!
- Hm.
[gasp]
[crash]
[crowd yelling]
AAAAHHH!
Dwight: Let me guess,
you saw something
you wish you hadn't.
- Uh-huh.
Dwight: Because no good can come
from knowing the future.
Chlodwig: Were you
in the Swine and Slosh Tavern?
- Mm-hm.
Chlodwig: And were you being
treated with an indignity
ill-fitting to one
of your station?
We must know more.
- Don't.
[clicking]
- Nothing.
- Because you've already
seen your glimpse for today.
Dwight: That seems right.
♪
What?
What?
Hey, guys, no.
No, no, no.
No, I am staying out of thi--
Hey! Ow!
[crowd jeering]
Dwight: Stop, please!
Aah!
Now everybody's throwing veggies
at me!
[thunk]
AAAHH!
Uhh!
- Bad?
- Pretty bad.
Chlodwig: Were you
in the Swine and Slosh Tavern?
- Uh-huh.
Chloddwig: And were you being
treated with--
- Serious indignity.
- 'Twas fortunate we found
the Glimpse when we did.
Now that we've seen our future,
we may prevent it.
- Don't think
that's how it works.
Gretta: We know
the heinous events happen
at the Swine and Slosh Tavern.
- 'Tis a problem.
Dwight: 'Tis?
- It is the end of the month,
and I must pay my tavern tab
today without fail.
Gretta: No, Chlodwig.
None of us shall step foot
into the Swine and Slosh
Tavern today.
Then, no ill fortune
can befall us.
- Of course.
- You sure about that?
Chlodwig: We shall leave fate
stranded like a jilted bride.
Gretta: None of us steps foot
out of this hut until tomorrow.
- Wait, what?
Chlodwig: An infallible plan.
We bar the doors
and open them for no one.
- There isn't even
a bathroom in here!
- The hut is amply stocked
with salted squirrel meat.
- Dude,
we said no more squirrel.
[pounding on door]
- Oh, who could that be?
Dwight and Gretta: Wait!
[thunk]
[thud]
- Chlodwig!
Unhand him!
That is a royal command.
- If you've got a grievance,
take it up with Hellibad.
[dragging]
Dwight: Who's Hellibad?
- The proprietor
of the Swine and Slosh Tavern.
- Hm.
- What have you there?
[shaking]
- It's difficult to say.
- Hm.
- [grunting with effort]
Hm. Ah.
Why is this so hard to open?
[pop]
[gasp]
[scream]
[crash]
AAAHHH!
[whizzing and shrieking]
Get it off! Get it off!
- Hexie! Hexie!
[creature growls]
- Good heavens!
[shrieking and stomping]
Die! Die!
Oh! Ow!
[zipping]
[deflated] Oh.
[splash]
[coughing and sputtering]
Chlodwig: Hellibad.
Jacopo: ♪ The pig-faced prince
gets an orange soda rinse. ♪
♪ So sticky. ♪
Chlodwig: You.
Hellibad: It's the end
of the month.
- Right you are.
- Today's the day
the Swine and Slosh Tavern
settles all its accounts.
- Sound business practice.
Hellibad: All tabs are due.
You've run up quite a tab.
You've got my money?
- Not on my-- on my person.
But, if you'll allow me
to go retrieve it.
Hellibad: You do not
leave my sight.
Jacopo: ♪ The silly boy
can't pay his debt, ♪
♪ and now he does
begin to fret, ♪
♪ for Hellibad
will light the oil ♪
♪ and cause the piggy prince
to boil. ♪
Gretta: [grunts] Chlodwig!
- But look!
♪ Principessa and her champion
monkey boy, oh joy. ♪
Dwight: Jacopo?
What?
What are you doing here?
- I sing the news.
- Uh...
Gretta: That's
what troubadours do.
Jacopo: Only until better
prospects present themselves.
I am a man of ambition.
Hellibad: I'm payin' you
to sing!
- ♪ Hellibad is hopping mad. ♪
- Old news!
Gretta: What is the meaning
of this?
Hellibad: It's the end
of the month.
All tabs are due.
- And that makes it okay
to kidnap people?
Chlodwig: See here, Hellibad.
Edenbery Elf owes me 60 crowns.
Once he pays me, I can pay you--
[crash]
With interest.
- You can't pay?
Then you work.
- Work?
Hellibad: For three days.
Dwight: Three days?
Come on, that's a bit excessive.
- And you are...
friends of his?
Gretta: Indeed, we are.
Contend with him,
and you contend with all of us.
- Fair enough.
Get to work, missy.
- I beg your pardon?
Hellibad: You too.
Scrub the floor.
- Wh-What--
now, hold up just a second.
- One worker for three days
or three workers for one day.
It's all the same to me.
Gretta: You're suggesting
that I should--
- Dear cousin Gretta,
dear brother Dwight.
Every man should be blessed
with friends like you.
Hellibad: Get to work!
Gretta: [grunts]
[thunk]
Jacopo: ♪ Oh, what a sight
not seen before, ♪
♪ the princess scrubbing
a dirty floor. ♪
Ay!
Hellibad: You.
- I must warn you;
I am not adept at menial tasks.
- You're the entertainment.
- [laughs]
- AAAAHHHH!
[crowd laughing and talking]
[men laughing]
- How do we
get in these situations?
[Chlodwig screaming]
[whizz and thunk]
[crowd jeering]
[whizz and thunk]
Knife Thrower: Yes!
[crowd laughing and talking]
[knife clatters]
Jacopo: ♪ That beef-handed
louse ♪
♪ could not hit
the broad side of a house. ♪
Thug: How about it then,
squawking chicken.
Crowd: Oohh.
- Let's see
if you can do better.
- Ah, I will do so.
With the greatest of ease.
Grazie.
Hold still.
- [growls]
- Piggy prince.
- If you throw that knife,
rat-catcher...!
Fate is a cruel mistress!
[whizz and thunk]
Jacopo: Whoa!
[crowd cheers loudly]
Thug: Well done,
well done, well done.
[crowd cheering loudly]
Chlodwig: [growls]
- This is what I do.
I am not just a troubadour.
[thud]
[crowd cheering]
Gretta: [grunting]
No, no.
Jacopo: Ah!
Hyah-ha-ha!
[thunk]
[thud]
[growling]
Hellibad: No brawling
in my tavern!
[sigh]
Who killed my troubadour?
- He all but asked for it.
- Now who's going to
sing the news?
- Uh, hey guys, he's not dead.
He's fine.
What?
[tuning lute]
- SING!
Dwight: I'm...
[out of tune chord]
♪ ...playing the lute
and singing, ♪
♪ even though
I don't play the lute or sing. ♪
♪ Because Chlodwig
knocked out Jacopo ♪
♪ because Jacopo
threw a knife at him. ♪
♪ Yes, he threw a knife. ♪
- I did not think today
could get any worse.
Thug: HEY!
What are you doing?
♪ I'm singing the news,
and the news is bad, ♪
♪ but a big guy
is looking really mad. ♪
Hey! That rhymes.
Thug: [grunts]
- Hey!
[crowd booing]
Ah! Please!
Ah!
♪ Now everybody's
throwing veggies at me. ♪
[thunk]
[thud]
[squeaking]
[zipping and crashing]
[shushing]
[zipping and crashing]
[creature chattering]
- [under breath] Go that way!
Baldric: Oh, a speed demon!
- Horrid little beast!
- Aaahhhh!
[crash]
[zipping]
[creature laughing]
[thudding of vegetables]
- Ugh!
[crowd booing]
Gretta: Sir Dwight
is besieged on all sides.
- Cowering
like a lily-livered ninny.
- You.
You.
[growls]
[grunting]
You look thirsty,
little blonde piggy!
[crash]
Crowd: Ohh!
- Oh, mamma mía!
[crashing]
[punching and yelling]
[punch]
[yelling]
[crash]
[thud]
[creature giggling]
[zipping and crashing]
- Why on earth
would Ragana have
a speed demon in a bottle?
- Pppffftt!
[tearing]
[gasping and growling]
- And how are we
to get it back into the bottle?
- There may be a way.
[chattering]
Sometimes the simplest solution
is the best.
[shushing]
[muttered] Three, two, one, go.
[thud]
[laughter]
But not this time!
[screaming and shrieking]
[yelling and crashing]
[screaming]
[punching and yelling]
Dwight: [whimpering]
Jacopo: Oh, there you are!
[punching and yelling]
What kind of champion are you,
hiding behind a stool?
- You're hiding behind me,
hiding behind the stool!
- I can't engage in fisticuffs.
I make a living
with these hands.
[kiss]
- Hey!
No brawling in my tavern!
Ohh!
[crash]
- Whatever happened
with you and Agnet?
Oh, no!
Man, I am so sorry!
I really liked you guys
together.
What happened?
- She was eaten
by a rampaging giant.
[thud]
- We're gonna need
a bigger stool!
How about we head
for that speaker stack?
Jacopo: What's a speaking snack?
- The-- the speaker stack!
You know, the thing
that's connected to the--
The mic.
Hang on, cover me.
- 'Scuse me?
- [breathing heavily]
[tapping microphone]
[loud, piercing mic feedback]
Hey! Testing.
Uh, you heard the man,
no brawling
in Hellibad's tavern.
[crashing and punching]
[loud, piercing mic feedback]
We can do this all day.
[crash]
Jacopo: What-a now?
- It is time for a retreat.
Chlodwig: There's no honor
in retreat.
Dwight: There's no honor
in getting trampled to death
either.
- Confound that Glimpse!
If we hadn't have seen
our future,
Chlodwig would have
paid his tab today.
- And we could have
skipped all this.
- You're right.
Dwight: I say we crawl.
- Like cowards.
- Exactly like cowards.
Right out that door.
[punching and yelling]
[growling]
- Crawl, little piggy, crawl.
Chlodwig: I'm not a piggy!
- That's exactly
what the little piggy would say!
[punching and yelling]
[creature chattering]
Hexela: Where is it?
[creature chattering]
Baldric: There!
Hexela: Ahh!
Baldric: There!
Hexela: Ahh!
[zipping]
Baldric: There!
[creature squeaking]
Try as it will,
it shall not pass.
[creature chattering]
[door opens]
[yelling]
- Ah--
Oh, that could prove a problem.
[car brakes screech]
[crash]
- What was that?
Hexela: What was what?
[crashing]
Baldric: I saw nothing.
Uh, what have you three kids
been up to today, hm?
- Hm?
- Just learning life lessons
the hard way.
Chlodwig: Sir Dwight
should never be allowed
to sing in public.
Baldric: Ah, yes.
- Ughh.
- Really?
That's the big takeaway?
Come on, bud.
Gretta: I have, in fact,
learned my lesson.
- Hm?
- The future
is best left a mystery.
- [gasps] Mm.
Baldric: Princ-- Mm.
- ♪ Oh,
my darling lady fair, ♪
♪ you have gone,
I know not where. ♪
♪ You were swallowed
by a giant, ♪
♪ though I fought it
most defiant. ♪
♪ Now, here am I,
in a smelly tavern place, ♪
♪ singing for a mean man
with an angry fa-a-ace. ♪
Mr. Dale: Now, that makes
two hundred and five.
How many bones
am I supposed to have in all?
Sir Aldred: Two hundred and six.
And not just you, everybody.
- We're so close!
- Although kneecaps
are technically sesamoids.
- Ahh.
To be back in my--
immense, massive,
terrifying body again.
- I await the day most keenly,
when my vast powers
can team with your vast powers.
Soon, the brotherhood
of the Tovenaars will be back.
- Ha-ha!
We shall roast our enemies
on spits!
- If you like.
- We shall feast
on their brains and innards!
- Uh... cheers.
[clink]
- Another Pineapple Shasta!
- Mm.
- It's the end of the month,
gents.
Tabs are due.
- Huh.
Do you have any notion
who we are?
- A couple of puffkins
that owe me 40 crowns?
- [laughs]
Hm.
Would you like to see
a magic trick?
- Keep your tricks.
[paper rustling]
[paper rustling]
[paper rustling]
[paper rustling]
[whoosh]
[squawking]
Jacopo: Bravo!
Magnifico!
Fantastico!
- Oh!
Oh-ho-ho!
Uh--
Do a puppy.
- Oh, no--
Sir Aldred: No need.
Congratulations, my good fellow.
This tavern is now yours.
[parrot squawking]
I have a good feeling about you.
I trust you'll be
more accommodating
than our parrot friend?
[parrot squawking]
- I live to serve, signore.
♪