Dwight in Shining Armor (2018–2021): Season 2, Episode 4 - Alban Elfed Day - full transcript
♪
[tiny whir]
- Ha! I brought party favors.
What d'ya think?
Should we hand them out
at the beginning,
or at the end?
Gretta: Hurry Sir Dwight,
the guests are waiting.
Dwight: What for?
Gretta: For us to ring the bell.
You and I are Lord and Lady
of the Alban Elfed Day Feast.
Dwight: Okay.
- Tradition dictates
that we must ring
the Alban Elfed Day bell
and let the festivities begin.
Dwight: Copy that.
[ringing]
Baldric: [laughing]
Happy Alban Elfed Day!
Ha, ha.
Hexela: Mm.
Dwight: Oh, cool.
Chlodwig: I love
Alban Elfed Day.
[Hexela laughs]
Hexela: Oh!
[slap]
Gretta: 'Tis the most
festive day of the year.
We shall do it all.
Feasting and
jester's jousting, and--
Hexela: When is
the turnip launch?
Gretta: [gasp]
Dwight: The what?
Hexela: This is my year.
[deep laugh]
Mummer: Make merry!
All: [laughing]
Gretta: [gasp] Oh!
Dwight: Who's that?
Gretta: A mummer.
Dwight: A what?
Baldric: A professional
merry-maker.
Dwight: That's a profession?
Chlodwig: A proud one.
Mummer: Time for mirth!
[thump]
Dwight: Ah!
[laughing]
Mummer: And laughter.
Ha, ha.
Make merry, fellows.
Ha, ha.
Gretta: Tradition dictates
that we must hire a mummer
for Alban Elfed Day.
Mummer: [laughing loudly]
Let us frolic!
Gretta: Yes!
Let us frolic to the great green
and let the revels begin.
Dwight: Revels sound fun.
Gretta: Lead on, mummer.
- I love to frolic!
[laughing and merriment]
♪
[theme music]
Dwight: Okay, so
about a thousand years ago,
there was this princess, Gretta,
and she was in big trouble,
'cause she had lots
of enemies
and not a lot of friends.
So her court magician,
Baldric cast the champion spell.
It put everyone in the woods
to sleep
until a champion would come,
break the spell
with his kiss,
and deal with
Gretta's big, scary enemies.
But that guy never showed up.
Instead...
Ah!
[kiss]
They got me.
♪
Ah!
♪
Ow!
♪
♪
Dwight: So, walk me
through this again.
Baldric: Jester jousting!
Ha, ha.
Chlodwig: You and I run
at each other, Sir Dwight.
We are the horses.
Hexela: And she and I try
to knock each other's hats off.
Dwight: With baguettes?
Baldric:
In the perfect contest,
the riders unhat each other
simultaneously.
Dwight: What?
No.
No, we're gonna knock
somebody's teeth out.
Chlodwig: [laughing]
At the very least.
Mummer: Here's a fine steed.
[neighs]
Ha, ha, ha.
[Baldric laughs]
Dwight: I'm out,
you guys are nuts.
Gretta: But we always have
a jester's joust
on Alban Elfed Day.
Tradition dictates it.
Mummer: [blows raspberry]
A thpoil thport.
Baldric: [laughs]
Dwight: Ew, dude.
Gretta: What's amiss,
Sir Dwight?
Dwight: Don't you guys have
any revels that don't end up
with a trip
to the emergency room?
Mummer: Turnip launch!
Turnip launch!
[all join in] Turnip launch!
Hexela: Finally.
Chlodwig: Oh,
how I love a turnip launch!
Hexela: [laughs]
Dwight: What's a turnip launch?
Mummer: [laughs]
[ratcheting]
[mummer continues to laugh]
Fly steady, fly true.
- Wow, it's literally
a turnip launch.
- Tradition dictates
that we must have a turnip
launch on Alban Elfed Day.
[bones crack]
- The mummer will
unleash the turnip.
- We must try
by whatever means necessary
to catch it.
[bones crack]
Dwight: [doubtfully] Sounds fun.
Mummer: One,
two,
three.
[rattle]
[yelling]
- Oh, ho, ho, ho.
- That turnip could have
taken somebody's head off!
Baldric: It usually does.
[laughs]
Dwight: And why do you
play this game?
Chlodwig: Whoever catches
the turnip receives good fortune
for a year.
Hexela: Stupid turnip.
Baldric: No winner this year!
Mummer: Make merry, fellows!
Ha, ha, ha.
Boop!
Baldric: [laughs]
[alarm rings]
- You're really paying him
for this?
[alarm still ringing]
Gretta: It is time
for the feast.
Lead on, mummer!
Mummer: Ha, ha!
Baldric: Oh-ho, ha, ha.
Dwight: Oh!
Oh, are we-
are we frolicking again?
Okay.
Gretta: A toast!
Who shall make
our Alban Elfed Day toast?
Chlodwig: Allow me!
Raise your glasses, all.
Mummer: A toast!
Ha, ha, ha-a-a.
Chlodwig: Fill your cup.
No, that's not it.
Is it fill your cup,
fill your bellies?
Gretta: Fill your bellies,
fill your cup.
Chlodwig: Ah! Right you are.
- [clears throat]
Chlodwig: Fill your bellies,
fill your cup.
I've forgotten the next part.
Something
about lifting our cup, isn't it?
- No, no, no.
Take your seat, Prince Chlodwig.
Sit!
Fill your bellies,
fill your cup,
and with vigor raise it up.
To summer very nearly gone
and to winter pressing on.
Gather around this board
to say,
All: Happy Alban Elfed Day!
[happy noises]
- Huzzah!
- Mm.
- Ah.
- Ah.
- Hm.
- Now what?
- Uh, I,
I suppose that's all.
The feast has come
to a close.
Chlodwig: Not so soon!
To conclude the feast
of Alban Elfed Day,
we always have a magic trick.
[Hexela claps]
Chlodwig: Tradition dictates it.
[Hexela laughing
in anticipation]
Gretta: But that
is not necessary.
Chlodwig: Every year Baldric
dazzles us
with a wonderous display
of magic.
Oh, remember the year
he made it snow inside?
Oh, the year he caused us all
to rise to the rafters
and dance on the ceiling?
Mummer: [laughs]
Marvelous merriment!
[laughs]
Gretta: But, we need not
continue every tradition.
I believe this Alban Elfed Day
has been perfect.
Sir Dwight, let us ring
the Alban Elfed Day bell
to end the festivities.
- Sure thing.
[ringing]
Baldric: [laughing]
Happy Alban Elfed Day.
[ominous music]
Chlodwig: I love
Alban Elfed Day.
Gretta: Uh.
[slap]
Hexela: [gasps]
When is the turnip launch?
Gretta: The turnip launch?
Hexela: This is my year.
Dwight: Am I crazy or did we--
Gretta: Do this already?
Mummer: Make merry!
Dwight: Oh.
Gretta: The mummer.
Chlodwig: I love mummers!
Dwight: What is he doing
here?
What are we all doing here?
Baldric: It's Alban Elfed Day,
Sir Dwight.
Dwight: Again?
Mummer: Time for mirth.
[thump]
Dwight: Ah!
[laughing]
Mummer: And laughter.
Make merry, fellow.
[laughing] Let us frolic!
Chlodwig: I love to frolic!
[frolicsome noises]
Dwight: You wanna tell me
what the heck is going on?
Gretta: I have not
the faintest idea.
Dwight: Oh, thanks.
[weak laugh]
Hexela: Huzzah!
Dwight: I've got a theory.
Gretta: Hm?
Dwight: One of us is dreaming.
Gretta: Of course,
but which one?
Mummer: What mirth?
Ha, ha.
What merriment.
Ha, ha, ha.
Dwight: There is no way
that guy came out
of my subconscious.
[horn blows]
Hexela: [clucking]
Faster, faster!
Gretta: Dwight!
Baldric: Wrong way, Sir Dwight.
Dwight: Uh.
[thump]
Gretta: [coughs]
Chlodwig: That is not how
the game is played, Sir Dwight.
Mummer: What fools you look.
Ha, ha, ha.
- This isn't a dream.
Dwight: [panting]
It's a nightmare.
Mummer: [laughing]
[wheel rattling]
[bones crack]
- You'll never catch it
like that, Sir Dwight.
- Why, why, why, why, why?
- Ah ha!
- Ah!
[grunts]
- Oh-ho-ho-ho.
Dwight: Why is this happening?
Baldric: It's
an Alban Elfed Day tradition.
Chlodwig: Whoever catches
the turnip--
- receives good fortune
for a year.
I know.
Hexela: Stupid turnip.
Baldric: No winner this year.
- I've got
a new theory.
Gretta: Pray, do share.
Dwight: You and I are having
a psychotic episode.
Mummer: Ha, ha!
Make merry, fellows!
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Dwight: Dude!
If you tell me to make merry
one more time--
[phone alarm ringing]
Gretta: [gasp]
Oh, it's time for the feast.
Again.
Mummer: Ha, ha.
- Is it fill your cup,
fill your bellies?
Baldric: Fill your bellies,
fill your cup.
Chlodwig: Right you are.
Fill your bellies,
fill your cup.
I've forgotten the next bit.
Something about lifting
our cups, isn't it?
- Close enough.
Cheers!
Various: Oh.
[goblets clinking]
- Right.
- Huzzah.
[sip]
Chlodwig: [exhales]
Time for a magic trick, huh?
[laughing]
Dwight: Nope, not happening.
Chlodwig: We must.
- Let us ring
the Alban Elfed Day bell
to end the festivities.
Dwight: Let us, nice and loud,
because this party is over.
[vigorous bell ringing]
Baldric: [laughing]
Happy Alban Elfed Day!
Chlodwig: I love
Alban Elfed Day.
Dwight: Don't mess with me, man.
Baldric: Your Highness,
is Sir Dwight unwell.
Gretta: I don't know how
to explain this
but Sir Dwight and I
have already celebrated
this Alban Elfed Day two times.
Chlodwig: Without us?
Mummer: Make merry!
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
- I am beginning
to regret the mummer.
- Just now?
- I fail
to understand, Highness.
Dwight: We've done this
already.
Twice.
The mummer, and the weird games
on the lawn,
and the nasty feast.
- Nasty?
Hexela: Do you mean to say
that you've lived
this day before?
- That is precisely
what we mean to say.
Chlodwig: Have you considered
the possibiity
that you've lost your minds?
- That is our best theory
so far.
- You haven't lost
your minds, yet,
but you are under
a particularly sadistic spell,
destined to live this day
eternally and repeat it,
until you have performed it
properly.
Baldric: An infinity spell.
Hexela: Indeed.
Mummer: Ha, ha, ha, ha.
- Not the time man.
Mummer: Uh, oh.
Gretta: We did do
Alban Elfed Day properly.
We followed the dictates
of tradition perfectly.
- Except we didn't.
Remember?
I bailed
on the jester's joust.
- You're right.
And Chlodwig made
a ghastly mess of the toast.
Chlodwig: I did nothing
of the sort.
- And no one caught
the turnip!
Hexela: Oh,
that infuriating turnip!
The way it taunts me with
its small, little turnip face.
- And Baldric couldn't do
a magic trick.
- It's just
without my scepter.
- So, what you're saying is,
we're stuck living the same day
over and over,
until we do all those things
right?
- Well, it's difficult
to know for certain, but...
Dwight: Come on!
To the great green! Pronto!
Let's show some hustle.
Gretta: Sir Dwight?
We should probably frolic
to the great green.
Tradition.
Hexela: Yes.
- Okay.
Mummer, you're up.
- Let us frolic!
Make merry, fellows.
Ha, ha, ha.
- Come on,
frolic like you mean it, people.
Come on.
[frolicsome noises]
[horn blows]
Hexela: Huzzah!
[laughing]
[thump]
[ringing]
- Happy--
Dwight: Okay, listen up,
I'll give you
the quick download.
Gretta and I are under a, um,
what's it called?
Gretta: An infinity spell.
All: [gasp]
Dwight: We gotta do
Alban Elfed Day right.
[horn blows]
Hexela: Huzzah!
[laughing]
Baldric: Ah! Oh!
[ringing]
- Happy--
Dwight: Okay, listen up.
Hexela: Huzzah!
[laughing]
[thump]
[grunt]
Dwight: My teeth!
[shrieks]
[laughing]
[ringing]
[ringing]
[ringing]
[ratcheting]
[bones cracking]
[thud]
- Oh, ho, ho.
Hexela: [maniacal laughter]
[bonk]
- Oh.
- Hexie!
- Fill your cup,
no wait, that's not it.
- Oof.
[ringing]
Chlodwig: How does
it start again?
[groans]
[ringing]
Fill your bellies,
fill your cup,
I've forgotten the next part.
[thunk]
[clink]
[ding, ding, ding]
Chlodwig: Summer very
nearly gone, and to winter,
confound it!
What is winter doing--
[loud thunk]
[splash]
- PRESSING ON!
Chlodwig: On, pressing on.
[clunk]
Ah yes, ha, ha.
All: We gather round this board
to say happy Alban Elfed Day.
Chlodwig: I've got it.
I'm ready.
Ah, floof.
- [screams]
Mummer: [laughs]
[ding and splash]
Gretta: Any kind of magic trick
will do Baldric.
Dwight: Keep it simple.
Hexela: And try not
to kill us all.
Dwight: Hm.
What?
Baldric: Ahroth shalabeam
shalaba!
[zinging]
[grunts]
Baldric: Did anything happen?
Hexela: Oh Baldric.
You have a piggy nose.
[squeals]
Hexela: [laughs]
[snorts]
Baldric: Oh madame.
Gretta: [gasp]
Hexela: [screams]
Dwight: [screams]
[ringing]
[Hexela squealing]
[ringing]
[squealing]
Baldric: Ahshe balavadish
belazon.
All: Ooooh!
[poof]
Hexela: Oh, dessert.
Mm.
Baldric: Madame.
[ringing]
Whoopsie.
Rashkabali chian!
Hm, huh.
[loud cracking]
[yells]
Mummer: Ah! Ah!
- We lost the mummer.
- That sucks.
[ringing]
- [laughing]
Happy Alban Elfed Day... uh.
Uh.
Princess?
Dwight: Infinity spell.
All: [gasp] Oh.
Hexela: How many times
have you lived this day?
Dwight: What does this make?
Twenty-seven?
Gretta: What does it matter?
Chlodwig: You could not have
chosen a more festive day.
Dwight: Yeah, that's
one way to look at it.
Mummer: Make merry!
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
[clapping]
Gretta: Will somebody please
strangle the mummer?
Dwight: You know what?
The mummer's right.
It's Alban Elfed Day, again.
And all we can do is
slap a smile on
and make it a great day.
Let's frolic outside
and do some revels.
Chlodwig: I love to frolic!
- I know you do.
♪
[horn blows]
Hexela: Huzzah!
[laughing]
[cheering]
Dwight: We did it!
Hexela: Chlodwig
the Unstable!
Chlodwig: What's next?
Mummer: Turnip launch!
All chanting: Turnip launch!
Turnip launch!
[ratcheting]
Dwight: Come on, team.
The turnip's going down.
♪
[bones cracking]
[bones cracking]
[cheering]
Gretta: Sir Dwight, she did it!
Hexela: [triumphant laughing]
- Good fortune for a year!
Hexela: I'm so happy.
Dwight: That was the jester's
joust and the turnip launch.
Gretta: So all
we have left is--
[phone alarm ringing]
The feast.
Mummer: Make merry, a-a-a-h!
All: [laughing]
Chlodwig: Fill your bellies,
fill your cup,
and with vigor lift it up,
Gretta: Uh! No!
Chlodwig: to summer
very nearly gone,
and to winter pressing on.
We gather 'round this board
to say,
happy Alban Elfed Day!
[cheering]
Gretta: Now we only have
Baldric's magic trick.
Hexela: [gasp]
[small clap]
- I am sorry Highness
but without my scepter, I...
Dwight: Wait a minute.
Who said you had to use
your scepter?
It has to be a trick, right?
Something fun and magical?
Try these.
♪
- Behold the bells!
[laughing]
- I love bubbles!
- Oh, magical.
Mummer: Make merry, fellows.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Dwight: We did it, Gretta.
Gretta: A perfect
Alban Elfed Day.
Dwight: Shall we?
[ringing]
Baldric: Happy Alban Elfed Day.
Dwight: Are you freaking
kidding me?
Gah!
Gretta: No, no, no, no, no.
We did every tradition
and we did it perfectly!
Chlodwig: What's amiss?
Gretta and Dwight:
Infinity spell!
[gasps]
Gretta: We won
the jester's joust,
and Hexela caught the turnip.
Hexela: I did?
Dwight: Chlodwig nailed
the toast
and Baldric's magic trick was--
Gretta: magical!
His best ever.
- [stammering] It was?
Dwight: Mummer,
get out here,
I know you're hiding in the
hall just waiting to jump out.
[weak laughter from all]
Dwight: You're a professional,
what's the perfect
Alban Elfed Day?
Mummer: It is full of mirth,
and merriment,
revels and feasting
and toasting and magic,
but none of those things make
Alban Elfed Day
the most festive day
of the year.
Gretta: Well, then what does?
- Friends and family
gathered round.
Gretta: And so they are,
we invited everyone.
Baldric: Oh.
But we didn't, Highness.
Gretta: What?
- We forgot to invite
your Uncle Arnoff.
Gretta: We always invite
Uncle Arnoff to Alban Elfed Day.
Dwight: Yeah.
Who's Uncle Arno?
- I've never met the man.
Chlodwig: No one has.
He never comes
to family festivities.
Baldric: But he is
always invited.
Gretta: Tradition dictates it.
So how do we invite him now?
- By royal decree.
- Oh, okay.
[clears throat]
Uncle Arnoff is hereby invited
to our feast
of Alban Elfed Day,
by royal decree.
[ringing]
[ringing]
Gretta: Uncle Arnoff?
Dwight: Thank you so much
for coming.
We've got a lot planned.
Gretta: Revels
on the great green.
Feasting and toasting
and magic tricks.
- I can't stay.
I hate these things,
but I do like to be invited.
[crunch]
Chlodwig: What say you, fellows?
Alban Elfed Day only comes
but once a year.
Shall we make merry?
[laughing]
Dwight: Yes,
we absolutely shall.
[laughing and clapping]
Baldric: Happy--
All: Alban Elfed Day!
Baldric: Oooo, pretty bubbles.
Hexela: Magic.
♪
[tiny whir]
- Ha! I brought party favors.
What d'ya think?
Should we hand them out
at the beginning,
or at the end?
Gretta: Hurry Sir Dwight,
the guests are waiting.
Dwight: What for?
Gretta: For us to ring the bell.
You and I are Lord and Lady
of the Alban Elfed Day Feast.
Dwight: Okay.
- Tradition dictates
that we must ring
the Alban Elfed Day bell
and let the festivities begin.
Dwight: Copy that.
[ringing]
Baldric: [laughing]
Happy Alban Elfed Day!
Ha, ha.
Hexela: Mm.
Dwight: Oh, cool.
Chlodwig: I love
Alban Elfed Day.
[Hexela laughs]
Hexela: Oh!
[slap]
Gretta: 'Tis the most
festive day of the year.
We shall do it all.
Feasting and
jester's jousting, and--
Hexela: When is
the turnip launch?
Gretta: [gasp]
Dwight: The what?
Hexela: This is my year.
[deep laugh]
Mummer: Make merry!
All: [laughing]
Gretta: [gasp] Oh!
Dwight: Who's that?
Gretta: A mummer.
Dwight: A what?
Baldric: A professional
merry-maker.
Dwight: That's a profession?
Chlodwig: A proud one.
Mummer: Time for mirth!
[thump]
Dwight: Ah!
[laughing]
Mummer: And laughter.
Ha, ha.
Make merry, fellows.
Ha, ha.
Gretta: Tradition dictates
that we must hire a mummer
for Alban Elfed Day.
Mummer: [laughing loudly]
Let us frolic!
Gretta: Yes!
Let us frolic to the great green
and let the revels begin.
Dwight: Revels sound fun.
Gretta: Lead on, mummer.
- I love to frolic!
[laughing and merriment]
♪
[theme music]
Dwight: Okay, so
about a thousand years ago,
there was this princess, Gretta,
and she was in big trouble,
'cause she had lots
of enemies
and not a lot of friends.
So her court magician,
Baldric cast the champion spell.
It put everyone in the woods
to sleep
until a champion would come,
break the spell
with his kiss,
and deal with
Gretta's big, scary enemies.
But that guy never showed up.
Instead...
Ah!
[kiss]
They got me.
♪
Ah!
♪
Ow!
♪
♪
Dwight: So, walk me
through this again.
Baldric: Jester jousting!
Ha, ha.
Chlodwig: You and I run
at each other, Sir Dwight.
We are the horses.
Hexela: And she and I try
to knock each other's hats off.
Dwight: With baguettes?
Baldric:
In the perfect contest,
the riders unhat each other
simultaneously.
Dwight: What?
No.
No, we're gonna knock
somebody's teeth out.
Chlodwig: [laughing]
At the very least.
Mummer: Here's a fine steed.
[neighs]
Ha, ha, ha.
[Baldric laughs]
Dwight: I'm out,
you guys are nuts.
Gretta: But we always have
a jester's joust
on Alban Elfed Day.
Tradition dictates it.
Mummer: [blows raspberry]
A thpoil thport.
Baldric: [laughs]
Dwight: Ew, dude.
Gretta: What's amiss,
Sir Dwight?
Dwight: Don't you guys have
any revels that don't end up
with a trip
to the emergency room?
Mummer: Turnip launch!
Turnip launch!
[all join in] Turnip launch!
Hexela: Finally.
Chlodwig: Oh,
how I love a turnip launch!
Hexela: [laughs]
Dwight: What's a turnip launch?
Mummer: [laughs]
[ratcheting]
[mummer continues to laugh]
Fly steady, fly true.
- Wow, it's literally
a turnip launch.
- Tradition dictates
that we must have a turnip
launch on Alban Elfed Day.
[bones crack]
- The mummer will
unleash the turnip.
- We must try
by whatever means necessary
to catch it.
[bones crack]
Dwight: [doubtfully] Sounds fun.
Mummer: One,
two,
three.
[rattle]
[yelling]
- Oh, ho, ho, ho.
- That turnip could have
taken somebody's head off!
Baldric: It usually does.
[laughs]
Dwight: And why do you
play this game?
Chlodwig: Whoever catches
the turnip receives good fortune
for a year.
Hexela: Stupid turnip.
Baldric: No winner this year!
Mummer: Make merry, fellows!
Ha, ha, ha.
Boop!
Baldric: [laughs]
[alarm rings]
- You're really paying him
for this?
[alarm still ringing]
Gretta: It is time
for the feast.
Lead on, mummer!
Mummer: Ha, ha!
Baldric: Oh-ho, ha, ha.
Dwight: Oh!
Oh, are we-
are we frolicking again?
Okay.
Gretta: A toast!
Who shall make
our Alban Elfed Day toast?
Chlodwig: Allow me!
Raise your glasses, all.
Mummer: A toast!
Ha, ha, ha-a-a.
Chlodwig: Fill your cup.
No, that's not it.
Is it fill your cup,
fill your bellies?
Gretta: Fill your bellies,
fill your cup.
Chlodwig: Ah! Right you are.
- [clears throat]
Chlodwig: Fill your bellies,
fill your cup.
I've forgotten the next part.
Something
about lifting our cup, isn't it?
- No, no, no.
Take your seat, Prince Chlodwig.
Sit!
Fill your bellies,
fill your cup,
and with vigor raise it up.
To summer very nearly gone
and to winter pressing on.
Gather around this board
to say,
All: Happy Alban Elfed Day!
[happy noises]
- Huzzah!
- Mm.
- Ah.
- Ah.
- Hm.
- Now what?
- Uh, I,
I suppose that's all.
The feast has come
to a close.
Chlodwig: Not so soon!
To conclude the feast
of Alban Elfed Day,
we always have a magic trick.
[Hexela claps]
Chlodwig: Tradition dictates it.
[Hexela laughing
in anticipation]
Gretta: But that
is not necessary.
Chlodwig: Every year Baldric
dazzles us
with a wonderous display
of magic.
Oh, remember the year
he made it snow inside?
Oh, the year he caused us all
to rise to the rafters
and dance on the ceiling?
Mummer: [laughs]
Marvelous merriment!
[laughs]
Gretta: But, we need not
continue every tradition.
I believe this Alban Elfed Day
has been perfect.
Sir Dwight, let us ring
the Alban Elfed Day bell
to end the festivities.
- Sure thing.
[ringing]
Baldric: [laughing]
Happy Alban Elfed Day.
[ominous music]
Chlodwig: I love
Alban Elfed Day.
Gretta: Uh.
[slap]
Hexela: [gasps]
When is the turnip launch?
Gretta: The turnip launch?
Hexela: This is my year.
Dwight: Am I crazy or did we--
Gretta: Do this already?
Mummer: Make merry!
Dwight: Oh.
Gretta: The mummer.
Chlodwig: I love mummers!
Dwight: What is he doing
here?
What are we all doing here?
Baldric: It's Alban Elfed Day,
Sir Dwight.
Dwight: Again?
Mummer: Time for mirth.
[thump]
Dwight: Ah!
[laughing]
Mummer: And laughter.
Make merry, fellow.
[laughing] Let us frolic!
Chlodwig: I love to frolic!
[frolicsome noises]
Dwight: You wanna tell me
what the heck is going on?
Gretta: I have not
the faintest idea.
Dwight: Oh, thanks.
[weak laugh]
Hexela: Huzzah!
Dwight: I've got a theory.
Gretta: Hm?
Dwight: One of us is dreaming.
Gretta: Of course,
but which one?
Mummer: What mirth?
Ha, ha.
What merriment.
Ha, ha, ha.
Dwight: There is no way
that guy came out
of my subconscious.
[horn blows]
Hexela: [clucking]
Faster, faster!
Gretta: Dwight!
Baldric: Wrong way, Sir Dwight.
Dwight: Uh.
[thump]
Gretta: [coughs]
Chlodwig: That is not how
the game is played, Sir Dwight.
Mummer: What fools you look.
Ha, ha, ha.
- This isn't a dream.
Dwight: [panting]
It's a nightmare.
Mummer: [laughing]
[wheel rattling]
[bones crack]
- You'll never catch it
like that, Sir Dwight.
- Why, why, why, why, why?
- Ah ha!
- Ah!
[grunts]
- Oh-ho-ho-ho.
Dwight: Why is this happening?
Baldric: It's
an Alban Elfed Day tradition.
Chlodwig: Whoever catches
the turnip--
- receives good fortune
for a year.
I know.
Hexela: Stupid turnip.
Baldric: No winner this year.
- I've got
a new theory.
Gretta: Pray, do share.
Dwight: You and I are having
a psychotic episode.
Mummer: Ha, ha!
Make merry, fellows!
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Dwight: Dude!
If you tell me to make merry
one more time--
[phone alarm ringing]
Gretta: [gasp]
Oh, it's time for the feast.
Again.
Mummer: Ha, ha.
- Is it fill your cup,
fill your bellies?
Baldric: Fill your bellies,
fill your cup.
Chlodwig: Right you are.
Fill your bellies,
fill your cup.
I've forgotten the next bit.
Something about lifting
our cups, isn't it?
- Close enough.
Cheers!
Various: Oh.
[goblets clinking]
- Right.
- Huzzah.
[sip]
Chlodwig: [exhales]
Time for a magic trick, huh?
[laughing]
Dwight: Nope, not happening.
Chlodwig: We must.
- Let us ring
the Alban Elfed Day bell
to end the festivities.
Dwight: Let us, nice and loud,
because this party is over.
[vigorous bell ringing]
Baldric: [laughing]
Happy Alban Elfed Day!
Chlodwig: I love
Alban Elfed Day.
Dwight: Don't mess with me, man.
Baldric: Your Highness,
is Sir Dwight unwell.
Gretta: I don't know how
to explain this
but Sir Dwight and I
have already celebrated
this Alban Elfed Day two times.
Chlodwig: Without us?
Mummer: Make merry!
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
- I am beginning
to regret the mummer.
- Just now?
- I fail
to understand, Highness.
Dwight: We've done this
already.
Twice.
The mummer, and the weird games
on the lawn,
and the nasty feast.
- Nasty?
Hexela: Do you mean to say
that you've lived
this day before?
- That is precisely
what we mean to say.
Chlodwig: Have you considered
the possibiity
that you've lost your minds?
- That is our best theory
so far.
- You haven't lost
your minds, yet,
but you are under
a particularly sadistic spell,
destined to live this day
eternally and repeat it,
until you have performed it
properly.
Baldric: An infinity spell.
Hexela: Indeed.
Mummer: Ha, ha, ha, ha.
- Not the time man.
Mummer: Uh, oh.
Gretta: We did do
Alban Elfed Day properly.
We followed the dictates
of tradition perfectly.
- Except we didn't.
Remember?
I bailed
on the jester's joust.
- You're right.
And Chlodwig made
a ghastly mess of the toast.
Chlodwig: I did nothing
of the sort.
- And no one caught
the turnip!
Hexela: Oh,
that infuriating turnip!
The way it taunts me with
its small, little turnip face.
- And Baldric couldn't do
a magic trick.
- It's just
without my scepter.
- So, what you're saying is,
we're stuck living the same day
over and over,
until we do all those things
right?
- Well, it's difficult
to know for certain, but...
Dwight: Come on!
To the great green! Pronto!
Let's show some hustle.
Gretta: Sir Dwight?
We should probably frolic
to the great green.
Tradition.
Hexela: Yes.
- Okay.
Mummer, you're up.
- Let us frolic!
Make merry, fellows.
Ha, ha, ha.
- Come on,
frolic like you mean it, people.
Come on.
[frolicsome noises]
[horn blows]
Hexela: Huzzah!
[laughing]
[thump]
[ringing]
- Happy--
Dwight: Okay, listen up,
I'll give you
the quick download.
Gretta and I are under a, um,
what's it called?
Gretta: An infinity spell.
All: [gasp]
Dwight: We gotta do
Alban Elfed Day right.
[horn blows]
Hexela: Huzzah!
[laughing]
Baldric: Ah! Oh!
[ringing]
- Happy--
Dwight: Okay, listen up.
Hexela: Huzzah!
[laughing]
[thump]
[grunt]
Dwight: My teeth!
[shrieks]
[laughing]
[ringing]
[ringing]
[ringing]
[ratcheting]
[bones cracking]
[thud]
- Oh, ho, ho.
Hexela: [maniacal laughter]
[bonk]
- Oh.
- Hexie!
- Fill your cup,
no wait, that's not it.
- Oof.
[ringing]
Chlodwig: How does
it start again?
[groans]
[ringing]
Fill your bellies,
fill your cup,
I've forgotten the next part.
[thunk]
[clink]
[ding, ding, ding]
Chlodwig: Summer very
nearly gone, and to winter,
confound it!
What is winter doing--
[loud thunk]
[splash]
- PRESSING ON!
Chlodwig: On, pressing on.
[clunk]
Ah yes, ha, ha.
All: We gather round this board
to say happy Alban Elfed Day.
Chlodwig: I've got it.
I'm ready.
Ah, floof.
- [screams]
Mummer: [laughs]
[ding and splash]
Gretta: Any kind of magic trick
will do Baldric.
Dwight: Keep it simple.
Hexela: And try not
to kill us all.
Dwight: Hm.
What?
Baldric: Ahroth shalabeam
shalaba!
[zinging]
[grunts]
Baldric: Did anything happen?
Hexela: Oh Baldric.
You have a piggy nose.
[squeals]
Hexela: [laughs]
[snorts]
Baldric: Oh madame.
Gretta: [gasp]
Hexela: [screams]
Dwight: [screams]
[ringing]
[Hexela squealing]
[ringing]
[squealing]
Baldric: Ahshe balavadish
belazon.
All: Ooooh!
[poof]
Hexela: Oh, dessert.
Mm.
Baldric: Madame.
[ringing]
Whoopsie.
Rashkabali chian!
Hm, huh.
[loud cracking]
[yells]
Mummer: Ah! Ah!
- We lost the mummer.
- That sucks.
[ringing]
- [laughing]
Happy Alban Elfed Day... uh.
Uh.
Princess?
Dwight: Infinity spell.
All: [gasp] Oh.
Hexela: How many times
have you lived this day?
Dwight: What does this make?
Twenty-seven?
Gretta: What does it matter?
Chlodwig: You could not have
chosen a more festive day.
Dwight: Yeah, that's
one way to look at it.
Mummer: Make merry!
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
[clapping]
Gretta: Will somebody please
strangle the mummer?
Dwight: You know what?
The mummer's right.
It's Alban Elfed Day, again.
And all we can do is
slap a smile on
and make it a great day.
Let's frolic outside
and do some revels.
Chlodwig: I love to frolic!
- I know you do.
♪
[horn blows]
Hexela: Huzzah!
[laughing]
[cheering]
Dwight: We did it!
Hexela: Chlodwig
the Unstable!
Chlodwig: What's next?
Mummer: Turnip launch!
All chanting: Turnip launch!
Turnip launch!
[ratcheting]
Dwight: Come on, team.
The turnip's going down.
♪
[bones cracking]
[bones cracking]
[cheering]
Gretta: Sir Dwight, she did it!
Hexela: [triumphant laughing]
- Good fortune for a year!
Hexela: I'm so happy.
Dwight: That was the jester's
joust and the turnip launch.
Gretta: So all
we have left is--
[phone alarm ringing]
The feast.
Mummer: Make merry, a-a-a-h!
All: [laughing]
Chlodwig: Fill your bellies,
fill your cup,
and with vigor lift it up,
Gretta: Uh! No!
Chlodwig: to summer
very nearly gone,
and to winter pressing on.
We gather 'round this board
to say,
happy Alban Elfed Day!
[cheering]
Gretta: Now we only have
Baldric's magic trick.
Hexela: [gasp]
[small clap]
- I am sorry Highness
but without my scepter, I...
Dwight: Wait a minute.
Who said you had to use
your scepter?
It has to be a trick, right?
Something fun and magical?
Try these.
♪
- Behold the bells!
[laughing]
- I love bubbles!
- Oh, magical.
Mummer: Make merry, fellows.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Dwight: We did it, Gretta.
Gretta: A perfect
Alban Elfed Day.
Dwight: Shall we?
[ringing]
Baldric: Happy Alban Elfed Day.
Dwight: Are you freaking
kidding me?
Gah!
Gretta: No, no, no, no, no.
We did every tradition
and we did it perfectly!
Chlodwig: What's amiss?
Gretta and Dwight:
Infinity spell!
[gasps]
Gretta: We won
the jester's joust,
and Hexela caught the turnip.
Hexela: I did?
Dwight: Chlodwig nailed
the toast
and Baldric's magic trick was--
Gretta: magical!
His best ever.
- [stammering] It was?
Dwight: Mummer,
get out here,
I know you're hiding in the
hall just waiting to jump out.
[weak laughter from all]
Dwight: You're a professional,
what's the perfect
Alban Elfed Day?
Mummer: It is full of mirth,
and merriment,
revels and feasting
and toasting and magic,
but none of those things make
Alban Elfed Day
the most festive day
of the year.
Gretta: Well, then what does?
- Friends and family
gathered round.
Gretta: And so they are,
we invited everyone.
Baldric: Oh.
But we didn't, Highness.
Gretta: What?
- We forgot to invite
your Uncle Arnoff.
Gretta: We always invite
Uncle Arnoff to Alban Elfed Day.
Dwight: Yeah.
Who's Uncle Arno?
- I've never met the man.
Chlodwig: No one has.
He never comes
to family festivities.
Baldric: But he is
always invited.
Gretta: Tradition dictates it.
So how do we invite him now?
- By royal decree.
- Oh, okay.
[clears throat]
Uncle Arnoff is hereby invited
to our feast
of Alban Elfed Day,
by royal decree.
[ringing]
[ringing]
Gretta: Uncle Arnoff?
Dwight: Thank you so much
for coming.
We've got a lot planned.
Gretta: Revels
on the great green.
Feasting and toasting
and magic tricks.
- I can't stay.
I hate these things,
but I do like to be invited.
[crunch]
Chlodwig: What say you, fellows?
Alban Elfed Day only comes
but once a year.
Shall we make merry?
[laughing]
Dwight: Yes,
we absolutely shall.
[laughing and clapping]
Baldric: Happy--
All: Alban Elfed Day!
Baldric: Oooo, pretty bubbles.
Hexela: Magic.
♪