Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 9, Episode 9 - Toad to Perdition - full transcript
When Willie and his brothers spend too much time frog hunting, their wives challenge them to a "frogging" competition.
What African country became
the world's newest, in July of 2011?
- I think it's Madagascar.
- No.
- New Zealand?
- What?
- Congo.
- No.
- The answer is Egypt.
- Is that your final answer?
- No.
- Yes.
South Sudan.
I was gonna say that,
I mean you don't say
South Louisiana,
you say Louisiana.
- Thank you.
- It's like North Dakota, South Dakota.
It's no secret that
Robertsons love competition.
Tae Bo is a breed of a
show dog; true or false?
- All right, what's the choices?
- Seriously?
However, this is more
like a grown up version
of a first grade pop quiz test.
Piedmont wine
region is located in:
- France, Italy or the United States?
- Oh, so easy.
- Piedmont is a French word.
- USA, put it on the board.
- Italy.
- I knew it!
- Dag-gum-it.
- Here's an idea,
let's get together and answer
a bunch of dumb questions
to see who possesses
the most useless information.
What word do the chemical
symbols for tin and silver spell?
Ain't nobody got time for that.
It goes without saying, it
was the wives turn to pick
the game this week.
Personally, I'm a dominoes man.
If I kill that fly
can we get a pie?
No that is not the way it works.
- That's his last roll, look.
- You just did that on purpose.
This is so fun we
should do this more often.
This is a disaster.
I know it's been a long time.
We used to play this
all the time, years ago.
Let's play dominoes, poker,
let's play something where
there's an actual competition.
Well, we don't have to
always play something,
we could just go out together and
have a couples night, or something.
- Let's arm wrestle.
- What do y'all want to do?
You know what I've
been wanting to do lately...
- Arm wrestle.
- I say wrestling.
- Fencing.
- I don't know.
- Yeah, we give.
- Go dancing.
- No.
- No.
- No.
- Yeah.
We're not going to some
freaking club and going dancing.
Us going dancing would be
like y'all going frog hunting.
Well, let's go frog hunting.
- No.
- No.
- Yeah.
- Come on, you won't last five minutes.
Seriously?
You'll be screaming at
the moon, dialing 911.
I agree.
Here's the deal, if we
go frog hunting with you,
and we catch more frogs, than
y'all have to go dancing with us.
- We're never...
- Deal!
We're never gonna go dancing,
you just ruined it right there.
Deal.
It's a terrible idea, I mean
if you've heard the stories
that he comes home with, y'all
will not want to go frog hunting.
It sounds like fun.
And I did get a leach
on me the last time I went
I had to surgically remove that.
It was bloody.
- He's just trying to scare us.
- Yeah, you're not scaring us.
If you see red eyes, don't
try to grab that, that's a gator.
That's a gator.
Really, y'all aren't
scared by that?
Okay, maybe a little.
This is exciting, so
you're already loaded up?
- Yes.
- Good.
What the crap?
This is just your stuff?
Well, I mean, it's just
everything I need for college.
You got a bread maker, just go buy
a loaf of bread; who makes bread?
What if I need it?
I thought you were gluten free,
you can't even eat bread anyway.
- I like bread.
- Ah, crap.
They are not kidding when they
say women are over-packers.
This truck is bigger
than our first apartment.
- Probably.
- Man, I thought Korie was bad.
One time on a camping trip, she
brought a whole 'nother suitcase
just for her shoes.
But now, I think
she's met her match.
Crystal china set,
you don't need that.
Willie, they might want to
have a nice dinner party.
What?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- You don't have that in college.
It's a good lesson
for marriage though.
Space is limited, so you
got to mark your territory
before all you've got left is the
bathroom and the dog house.
Holiday decor?
Yeah, but they're gonna want to
decorate for Christmas and stuff.
How many times did we
decorate for a holiday in college?
Every time.
I mean you don't have to pee on
anything, but you get what I'm saying.
Mark it in some other way.
I don't know how we're gonna
fit all John Luke's stuff in here.
Maybe John Luke doesn't
need as much of his stuff.
We can narrow your
stuff down, John Luke.
- Yeah.
- I don't know.
I mean, I don't think you
need, like, maybe that hat.
- Si gave me this hat.
- That's a cool hat.
- Yeah, thank you.
- Or the fire extinguisher?
If Mary Kate cooks like
your mom, John Luke,
you may want to keep that handy.
Yeah, maybe so.
First year of marriage,
you know how many times
- I had to put out your meals.
- Please.
Pretty much still to this
day a fire extinguisher
is recommended
whenever you're cooking.
Okay, but you do not need the
bone, you can leave the bone.
Korie, we found that
when he was a child
we were hunting and
we found the bone.
Sentimental, it's
between me and dad.
Every big dog needs his bone.
I'm sure there's some stuff
you can leave, John Luke.
It's our whole life in there.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Pretzel maker?
- That's your life?
- I can leave the crabs.
I don't want your crabs, son.
You take everything you
own, especially living, with you.
You're adults,
you all figure it out.
- Okay.
- All right, sounds good.
What's all that
stuff you got there?
Nets, to catch the frog,
candles to keep the bugs away.
Ice chest to put the
frogs in that we catch.
We brought peanut
butter crackers, too.
Y'all act like this is easy.
Catching a frog, I mean,
what you just grab it.
Keep laughing.
- Why are you laughing?
- No, that was funny.
Well, I'm not grabbing
a frog, so I'll never know.
Can I give you some advice?
- No.
- Okay.
The guys think they are the
best at everything outdoorsy.
If you catch one
I will be shocked.
Keep talking.
And they're good, but that doesn't
mean that we're automatically terrible.
Two hours we meet right
back here and count the frogs.
It's not gonna take
you long to count yours.
Y'all just get your
dancing shoes shined up.
At the very least we're
gonna prove to our husbands
just how serious we
are about going dancing.
I'm sure we won't catch one.
- Missy.
- I'm sorry.
- Stop being so negative.
- I'm being realistic.
Well, some of us are
serious about going dancing.
- Let’s get out of here.
- Good luck boys.
Did you buy frogs?
No, I didn't buy
frogs, I'm not cheating.
I have a secret weapon coming.
What is it, share?
Okay, we might be terrible.
But nobody said anything
about not recruiting expert help.
- There he is.
- And there he comes, the master.
Ladies, your secret
weapon has arrived.
Now do you think we're
gonna catch any, Missy?
I think we might.
I'm not in it for the dancing,
'cause when the drinking
dried up, so did the dancing.
- What are you in it for?
- Just to strap them boys of mine.
On y'all's behalf.
I like it, let's do this.
I'm just hoping that I don't
injure myself so that I can't dance.
Push hard.
Untie your boat, Jess.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Oh, lordy.
By now you're supposed to
already have that boat untied,
- what are you doing?
- Hey, I'm sorry.
- Let's go.
- All right, push off.
That's a lot of
pink for a frog hunt.
Who got these bongos?
I forgot about these.
You think those
are really essential?
John Luke.
John Luke.
They are... essential.
- Stop.
- These are definitely coming.
I think that's a
no to the bongos.
Kay, they got a congo
party going on in here.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Oh, my goodness,
look at all this stuff.
Oh, is that a blue toaster?
- Yeah.
- It is.
Oh, that is cool.
John Luke and Mary Kay
are gonna be heading off
to college soon, so Si
and I decided to come over
and help them pack.
I love the teddy bear.
Now I wouldn't leave home
without a stuffed animal.
- Yeah.
- All that's doing is taking up space.
I never went to college myself,
but I did accept a scholarship
to the School of Hard Knocks.
And I majored in cooking.
These'll be fun in the pool.
Thank you I agree with her.
- Piece of junk.
- John Luke we don't even have a pool.
You ain't even got a pool and you're
worried about having a poodle noodle.
Hey, make friends with
somebody with a pool.
Yeah, we'll have
friends with pools.
He's your grandson all right.
I never got my degree,
but I think my homemade
sweet potato pie speaks for itself.
Well, I can see why
you need all this stuff.
Thank you.
- I would take more actually.
- Kay, do not encourage him.
By the looks of all this,
you're not going to college
to get an education.
Why do you need them dice?
- I would keep it.
- No, you don't need them.
- The wheels, throw that out.
- I need that to ride around on campus.
- Number one it's two wheels.
- It's four wheels.
- No.
- Okay, yep.
This is two wheels okay,
this thing is not stable.
Hey, these kids are supposed
to be packing for college,
all right, here's what I was
expecting to see coming in here:
books, calculators
and number two pencils.
What is that thing behind you.
- It's a paddle board.
- What's it good for?
That defines who he is.
This is who I am.
- No.
- Yep.
- No.
- Yeah.
If I knew that all he
was gonna pack up
was a bunch of crap, hey,
I would have saved him
a lot of trouble and just
brought Sweet Pea's litter box.
Look, I'll take all this
stuff off of your hands
and I'll store it for you
in my storage shed,
for a nominal fee, of course.
Hey, look, if you want crap,
I'm your man, I'm full of it.
Alright, here's the deal,
I'm a help you all out.
These are gone, hold it.
- Yep, bongo gone, they're gone.
- Take those.
Fuddy dud, fuddy dud, no!
Let me have that,
don't need it, all right.
Ted, he's out of
here, give me that.
We give him a
hug, say bye to him.
Do you need to
give him a hug too?
No, it's okay, cause
he's coming with us.
No.
This is so creepy.
It's pretty out here, actually.
Seriously, this is like
a horror movie to me.
There's a gator!
- Oh! It's a gator, - Where,
where, where, where!
- Right under our boat.
- Oh, my gosh.
I don't think this is very
smart, I say we turn around.
You don't want him,
you want that frog.
There's a lot of women
out there running around
in Louisiana that can fire
the boat up and let's get it.
I keep getting bugs
sticking to my lip gloss.
I feel like I have
a bug in my bra.
Ew, I just sniffed a bug.
But, uh, this particular
crop, of Robertson women,
they don't fit in
to that category.
Ow! Something just bit my foot.
Sort of like somewhere
between a horror movie
and little hens cackling.
- Stop screaming.
- Sorry, God.
It went in my ear.
Trust me, these subdivision
girls, these are not swamp girls.
- There's one right there.
- Where?
- Look right there see right there?
- No.
He's right there,
right there on the right.
These things are hard to find.
At the end of this caper, if no one
gets maimed, I would say... success.
I got it.
- Oh, my goodness.
- Jessica!
- Did you get him?
- No.
It's kind of the way
America's going now.
Ladies, all I can do is teach
you the right way to do this,
but I can't catch them for you.
How do they do
this? This is ridiculous.
- On the left.
- On your left.
Right here, Jep, right here.
- Shoot, right there.
- Yeah.
- Jep you got to go here.
- He doesn't know what he's doing.
- Go right.
- I'm trying, dude.
- Go right.
- It's easier for me to go left.
Jep.
Good grief.
A frog hunting team is
just like any other team,
you're only as strong
as your weakest link.
Jep, am I going to
have to run that motor?
Probably.
Which in this
case is clearly Jep.
Willie, why don't
you run the motor.
I can't I tore my arm
up playing tennis.
Oh, my goodness.
Willie's not even
part of the chain.
He's more like an anchor.
Maybe we should have
just stayed on the bank.
That's just weighing us down.
All right, Jep, can
you catch a frog?
- Yes.
- Only 'cause I want to win this,
and I don't want to
embarrass ourselves,
am I gonna run this motor.
This is supposed
to be a two-man job.
So it looks like,
we're short one man.
See him right there?
- Yeah.
- Get on him, Jep.
- Face plant!
- You better got that one!
He gone.
- Oh my goodness.
- I'm sorry.
Ain't that the girls
are gonna catch any,
but we gotta at least catch one.
I think we did
pretty good today.
I think we narrowed it down.
It's still too much. Wait, John
Luke, these aren't even yours.
These are Sadie's.
- What is it?
- Headbands.
Those are mine,
when I had long hair.
Throw me one of them.
John Luke was
having a little trouble
giving up some of
his childhood stuff.
So I threw all that crap
in the back of my pickup.
Your hair's short now.
Yeah, but it grows. I might
need them in the future.
Throw me one of
them, let me look.
- Why do you need this many?
- Hey.
Now the boy's got it down to the
essentials that he needs for college.
- There's one.
- Hey!
Throw me one of
them, let me look.
Plus, I got my Christmas
shopping done, win-win.
Okay, mutual, beneficial,
for everybody concerned.
This could be the
new start of a new me.
Si, you're too old
to be the new you.
- Well, what do you think?
- I like it.
Its looks like it's squeezing
your brain a little bit
and you sure don't need that.
Look, we need to get this going,
we're right down to the finish line.
We got about four
or five boxes left,
let's wrap it up and
get them on the truck.
I'm getting tired, I
don't know about you all.
- All right.
- Let's load it up.
We also have 12 more
boxes in the garage.
You got what! What do
you mean 12 more boxes?
We got wedding gifts and stuff.
No.
We've got to figure something out,
the truck's leaving in the morning.
That's when you
need to compromise.
These kids have got to learn
that a big part of marriage
is learning how to compromise.
Kind of like me and
Phil in the kitchen.
Phil will be like, "I'm
tired, I need a nap."
He's a grumpy grump,
you understand?
That's compromise.
You can't always get
everything you want,
when you both want
something different.
Maybe we can just get
rid of some of your stuff.
Yeah, there's a good idea.
Unless you have
something to trade.
- How about we get another truck.
- Do what?
Now that is a winner.
I like it, then we
can bring everything.
Mary Kate's gonna learn soon,
a little honey on the
biscuits goes a long way.
Just ask Phil.
Why didn't we do
this to begin with,
and we wouldn't even have
to go through all this sorting
and talking about
don't take this, take this,
take that, take
this, don't take this.
Party pooper.
Take that and those on the
truck, no we're not gonna take that,
okay two things left,
yeah, put that on the truck.
Si, you're giving me a headache.
Nope we don't need this put
it over here, take it to the truck.
Maybe three trucks.
There's a frog right there
Jase; look look look, see him?
- That's a big one.
- I got it, I see him.
You better go for
it right now Jep.
- Got her?
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
- That a baby!
- Now we're rolling!
- Now we're doing something!
- Hold him tight.
- That's what I'm talking about, boo ya!
Put him in the ice chest
before you drop him.
Yeah!
I may have struck
out a few times earlier
but I'm just getting warmed up.
- You see him?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He got it!
Now I'm the king of catching
frogs, I'm the Frog King.
There he is Jep, do a drive by.
Oh, my goodness that's
the biggest one of the night.
I'll probably make Jess call
me that, when we're alone.
Whoo, boys, we
ain't dancing tonight.
♪ No dancing for us
♪ I ain't dancing I
ain't doing no dancing ♪
- Wait for it.
- I got no problem with dancing,
but I ain't dancing.
You know if you get enough
mud in the bottom of this boat
you can really do the moon walk.
All right come on, you don't
get the next one it's my turn.
Jessica, right there.
Whoa, that's a big one,
straight back, straight back!
- Right there, Jess, you see him?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Set the net on him.
- Get him, Jess.
Get him, get, him
get him, you got him!
You got him, you got him.
- Goodnight you dropped him.
- What the heck it fell out!
It's gonna be a long night if you
all don't do no better than that.
Okay I'm not gonna lie,
frog hunting is a lot harder
than I thought it was gonna be.
All right Korie, your turn.
Y'all got to suck it
up, let's get out there.
Come on, baby,
find me some frogs.
I hear one over here.
There's one right there.
Jessica has made,
literally dozens of attempts,
and has not caught a frog.
I'm gonna go straight at him.
- Get him.
- You got to be quick.
Hopefully, I'll
have better luck,
because the only thing
worse than not going dancing
would be hearing what the guys have to
say when we come back empty handed.
Just set it down on
top of him and hold him.
Okay.
Korie, you better
show some skill.
Leave it just like that.
Bingo! Get him in the boat.
We got a frog, that felt good!
That was awesome.
I know I underestimated us, I didn't
think we'd come back with anything.
- Oh, my goodness.
- Pretty.
Yeah, that's some
good meat right there.
But now that we have
caught a frog, I'm feeling good.
Everybody gets a touch of it.
I'll touch it when it's cooked.
- Come on Missy, touch it.
- I'm good.
If you lick him you'll
get dizzy headed.
- Really, what?
- I'm just kidding.
Maybe even good
enough to catch one myself.
Probably not.
So have you all been converted
into frog hunters or what?
Yeah, no.
Come on, Missy,
you know you had fun.
You all ready, girls?
Let's get about 10 more.
- Come on let's do it.
- All right.
That's the girls screaming.
Is that dad's boat?
Tie us all for a la-ti-da.
We've been had boys.
You got to be kidding me.
Where did Phil come from?
I should have known
the girls had something
up there sleeves, this whole
deal seemed way too easy.
I don't care if they did get
Phil, they still didn't catch any.
Don't hurt your back
with all them frogs.
- Oh, goodness.
- They're naturals, Jase.
- Oh, crap.
- Yeah.
But poaching our
dad to be on their team
that's something I
didn't see coming.
Watch your back,
'cause they're heavy.
Ribbit, ribbit.
It was a cheap trick
and they bent the rules
and I'm kind of upset
that I didn't think of it.
Pro move, Korie, pro move.
It was supposed to be
us against y'all, not Phil.
He didn't catch any frogs.
He was just our driver.
Yeah, but that's part of
frog hunting someone has to
drive the boat, I had to
drive the boat half the night.
That was not in the rules.
- I have to admit I'm stunned.
- Are you getting scared?
- Did y'all catch any frogs?
- I'm not scared at all,
despite the fact that...
Well you seem really bothered by
the fact that Phil went with us so...
No, I'll tell you what, I'll
show you all what we got.
All right, show me.
Let's see, how
about some of these.
- Those are nice.
- Hmm.
- Nice?
- What about this guy?
- Yeah.
- Sufficient.
Wait a minute, let me see here.
- Oh, a little baby frog.
- He'll be delicious.
Oh, that's a fat one.
Seven counting
the baby one, nine.
No wait a minute, there's more,
don't forget about him, that's 10.
- All right.
- All right you want us to count ours?
- Yep, let's do it.
- All right, here we go.
We got one.
- We got one.
- One?
I have to admit, even though
our wives only caught one frog,
they exceeded my expectations.
- I'm surprised you caught one.
- Thank you.
He didn't jump in
the boat did he?
No.
Even if they had to use Phil to
drive the boat, still impressive.
After watching you boys wives in
action I would say it's worth a dance.
Okay, one dance for one frog.
What I'm not happy
about is having to see Willie
jiggle on the dance floor.
Just some things that
a man shouldn't see.
Since we only caught one,
we didn't actually beat
you, we will clean the frogs.
- Deal!
- And I'll cook them.
- We'll help.
- Done.
- Pleasure doing business with you.
- Time for bonding.
Ew, you're slimy!
- So are you.
- Uh-uh, I didn't touch a frog.
Y'all hear that frog?
All right, y'all bow.
Father thank you for
the frogs that you created,
they're a wonderful
animal, in the name of Jesus
who made all these things
possible for us, amen.
Amen.
Marriage is a lot like dancing,
it can be exhausting,
occasionally awkward
and often difficult
to find your groove
but when you do, it's hard
not to have the time of your life
whenever two people
come together there's always
a little give and take, whether
sacrificing your belongings
or self-dignity, compromising
ain't easy no matter
what the circumstances are.
Just remember that when
it comes to your marriage
it's always worth the effort,
even if it means embarrassing
yourself on the dance floor.
I got an idea, the frog dance.
Now I remember why we
don't go dancing very often.
the world's newest, in July of 2011?
- I think it's Madagascar.
- No.
- New Zealand?
- What?
- Congo.
- No.
- The answer is Egypt.
- Is that your final answer?
- No.
- Yes.
South Sudan.
I was gonna say that,
I mean you don't say
South Louisiana,
you say Louisiana.
- Thank you.
- It's like North Dakota, South Dakota.
It's no secret that
Robertsons love competition.
Tae Bo is a breed of a
show dog; true or false?
- All right, what's the choices?
- Seriously?
However, this is more
like a grown up version
of a first grade pop quiz test.
Piedmont wine
region is located in:
- France, Italy or the United States?
- Oh, so easy.
- Piedmont is a French word.
- USA, put it on the board.
- Italy.
- I knew it!
- Dag-gum-it.
- Here's an idea,
let's get together and answer
a bunch of dumb questions
to see who possesses
the most useless information.
What word do the chemical
symbols for tin and silver spell?
Ain't nobody got time for that.
It goes without saying, it
was the wives turn to pick
the game this week.
Personally, I'm a dominoes man.
If I kill that fly
can we get a pie?
No that is not the way it works.
- That's his last roll, look.
- You just did that on purpose.
This is so fun we
should do this more often.
This is a disaster.
I know it's been a long time.
We used to play this
all the time, years ago.
Let's play dominoes, poker,
let's play something where
there's an actual competition.
Well, we don't have to
always play something,
we could just go out together and
have a couples night, or something.
- Let's arm wrestle.
- What do y'all want to do?
You know what I've
been wanting to do lately...
- Arm wrestle.
- I say wrestling.
- Fencing.
- I don't know.
- Yeah, we give.
- Go dancing.
- No.
- No.
- No.
- Yeah.
We're not going to some
freaking club and going dancing.
Us going dancing would be
like y'all going frog hunting.
Well, let's go frog hunting.
- No.
- No.
- Yeah.
- Come on, you won't last five minutes.
Seriously?
You'll be screaming at
the moon, dialing 911.
I agree.
Here's the deal, if we
go frog hunting with you,
and we catch more frogs, than
y'all have to go dancing with us.
- We're never...
- Deal!
We're never gonna go dancing,
you just ruined it right there.
Deal.
It's a terrible idea, I mean
if you've heard the stories
that he comes home with, y'all
will not want to go frog hunting.
It sounds like fun.
And I did get a leach
on me the last time I went
I had to surgically remove that.
It was bloody.
- He's just trying to scare us.
- Yeah, you're not scaring us.
If you see red eyes, don't
try to grab that, that's a gator.
That's a gator.
Really, y'all aren't
scared by that?
Okay, maybe a little.
This is exciting, so
you're already loaded up?
- Yes.
- Good.
What the crap?
This is just your stuff?
Well, I mean, it's just
everything I need for college.
You got a bread maker, just go buy
a loaf of bread; who makes bread?
What if I need it?
I thought you were gluten free,
you can't even eat bread anyway.
- I like bread.
- Ah, crap.
They are not kidding when they
say women are over-packers.
This truck is bigger
than our first apartment.
- Probably.
- Man, I thought Korie was bad.
One time on a camping trip, she
brought a whole 'nother suitcase
just for her shoes.
But now, I think
she's met her match.
Crystal china set,
you don't need that.
Willie, they might want to
have a nice dinner party.
What?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- You don't have that in college.
It's a good lesson
for marriage though.
Space is limited, so you
got to mark your territory
before all you've got left is the
bathroom and the dog house.
Holiday decor?
Yeah, but they're gonna want to
decorate for Christmas and stuff.
How many times did we
decorate for a holiday in college?
Every time.
I mean you don't have to pee on
anything, but you get what I'm saying.
Mark it in some other way.
I don't know how we're gonna
fit all John Luke's stuff in here.
Maybe John Luke doesn't
need as much of his stuff.
We can narrow your
stuff down, John Luke.
- Yeah.
- I don't know.
I mean, I don't think you
need, like, maybe that hat.
- Si gave me this hat.
- That's a cool hat.
- Yeah, thank you.
- Or the fire extinguisher?
If Mary Kate cooks like
your mom, John Luke,
you may want to keep that handy.
Yeah, maybe so.
First year of marriage,
you know how many times
- I had to put out your meals.
- Please.
Pretty much still to this
day a fire extinguisher
is recommended
whenever you're cooking.
Okay, but you do not need the
bone, you can leave the bone.
Korie, we found that
when he was a child
we were hunting and
we found the bone.
Sentimental, it's
between me and dad.
Every big dog needs his bone.
I'm sure there's some stuff
you can leave, John Luke.
It's our whole life in there.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Pretzel maker?
- That's your life?
- I can leave the crabs.
I don't want your crabs, son.
You take everything you
own, especially living, with you.
You're adults,
you all figure it out.
- Okay.
- All right, sounds good.
What's all that
stuff you got there?
Nets, to catch the frog,
candles to keep the bugs away.
Ice chest to put the
frogs in that we catch.
We brought peanut
butter crackers, too.
Y'all act like this is easy.
Catching a frog, I mean,
what you just grab it.
Keep laughing.
- Why are you laughing?
- No, that was funny.
Well, I'm not grabbing
a frog, so I'll never know.
Can I give you some advice?
- No.
- Okay.
The guys think they are the
best at everything outdoorsy.
If you catch one
I will be shocked.
Keep talking.
And they're good, but that doesn't
mean that we're automatically terrible.
Two hours we meet right
back here and count the frogs.
It's not gonna take
you long to count yours.
Y'all just get your
dancing shoes shined up.
At the very least we're
gonna prove to our husbands
just how serious we
are about going dancing.
I'm sure we won't catch one.
- Missy.
- I'm sorry.
- Stop being so negative.
- I'm being realistic.
Well, some of us are
serious about going dancing.
- Let’s get out of here.
- Good luck boys.
Did you buy frogs?
No, I didn't buy
frogs, I'm not cheating.
I have a secret weapon coming.
What is it, share?
Okay, we might be terrible.
But nobody said anything
about not recruiting expert help.
- There he is.
- And there he comes, the master.
Ladies, your secret
weapon has arrived.
Now do you think we're
gonna catch any, Missy?
I think we might.
I'm not in it for the dancing,
'cause when the drinking
dried up, so did the dancing.
- What are you in it for?
- Just to strap them boys of mine.
On y'all's behalf.
I like it, let's do this.
I'm just hoping that I don't
injure myself so that I can't dance.
Push hard.
Untie your boat, Jess.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Oh, lordy.
By now you're supposed to
already have that boat untied,
- what are you doing?
- Hey, I'm sorry.
- Let's go.
- All right, push off.
That's a lot of
pink for a frog hunt.
Who got these bongos?
I forgot about these.
You think those
are really essential?
John Luke.
John Luke.
They are... essential.
- Stop.
- These are definitely coming.
I think that's a
no to the bongos.
Kay, they got a congo
party going on in here.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Oh, my goodness,
look at all this stuff.
Oh, is that a blue toaster?
- Yeah.
- It is.
Oh, that is cool.
John Luke and Mary Kay
are gonna be heading off
to college soon, so Si
and I decided to come over
and help them pack.
I love the teddy bear.
Now I wouldn't leave home
without a stuffed animal.
- Yeah.
- All that's doing is taking up space.
I never went to college myself,
but I did accept a scholarship
to the School of Hard Knocks.
And I majored in cooking.
These'll be fun in the pool.
Thank you I agree with her.
- Piece of junk.
- John Luke we don't even have a pool.
You ain't even got a pool and you're
worried about having a poodle noodle.
Hey, make friends with
somebody with a pool.
Yeah, we'll have
friends with pools.
He's your grandson all right.
I never got my degree,
but I think my homemade
sweet potato pie speaks for itself.
Well, I can see why
you need all this stuff.
Thank you.
- I would take more actually.
- Kay, do not encourage him.
By the looks of all this,
you're not going to college
to get an education.
Why do you need them dice?
- I would keep it.
- No, you don't need them.
- The wheels, throw that out.
- I need that to ride around on campus.
- Number one it's two wheels.
- It's four wheels.
- No.
- Okay, yep.
This is two wheels okay,
this thing is not stable.
Hey, these kids are supposed
to be packing for college,
all right, here's what I was
expecting to see coming in here:
books, calculators
and number two pencils.
What is that thing behind you.
- It's a paddle board.
- What's it good for?
That defines who he is.
This is who I am.
- No.
- Yep.
- No.
- Yeah.
If I knew that all he
was gonna pack up
was a bunch of crap, hey,
I would have saved him
a lot of trouble and just
brought Sweet Pea's litter box.
Look, I'll take all this
stuff off of your hands
and I'll store it for you
in my storage shed,
for a nominal fee, of course.
Hey, look, if you want crap,
I'm your man, I'm full of it.
Alright, here's the deal,
I'm a help you all out.
These are gone, hold it.
- Yep, bongo gone, they're gone.
- Take those.
Fuddy dud, fuddy dud, no!
Let me have that,
don't need it, all right.
Ted, he's out of
here, give me that.
We give him a
hug, say bye to him.
Do you need to
give him a hug too?
No, it's okay, cause
he's coming with us.
No.
This is so creepy.
It's pretty out here, actually.
Seriously, this is like
a horror movie to me.
There's a gator!
- Oh! It's a gator, - Where,
where, where, where!
- Right under our boat.
- Oh, my gosh.
I don't think this is very
smart, I say we turn around.
You don't want him,
you want that frog.
There's a lot of women
out there running around
in Louisiana that can fire
the boat up and let's get it.
I keep getting bugs
sticking to my lip gloss.
I feel like I have
a bug in my bra.
Ew, I just sniffed a bug.
But, uh, this particular
crop, of Robertson women,
they don't fit in
to that category.
Ow! Something just bit my foot.
Sort of like somewhere
between a horror movie
and little hens cackling.
- Stop screaming.
- Sorry, God.
It went in my ear.
Trust me, these subdivision
girls, these are not swamp girls.
- There's one right there.
- Where?
- Look right there see right there?
- No.
He's right there,
right there on the right.
These things are hard to find.
At the end of this caper, if no one
gets maimed, I would say... success.
I got it.
- Oh, my goodness.
- Jessica!
- Did you get him?
- No.
It's kind of the way
America's going now.
Ladies, all I can do is teach
you the right way to do this,
but I can't catch them for you.
How do they do
this? This is ridiculous.
- On the left.
- On your left.
Right here, Jep, right here.
- Shoot, right there.
- Yeah.
- Jep you got to go here.
- He doesn't know what he's doing.
- Go right.
- I'm trying, dude.
- Go right.
- It's easier for me to go left.
Jep.
Good grief.
A frog hunting team is
just like any other team,
you're only as strong
as your weakest link.
Jep, am I going to
have to run that motor?
Probably.
Which in this
case is clearly Jep.
Willie, why don't
you run the motor.
I can't I tore my arm
up playing tennis.
Oh, my goodness.
Willie's not even
part of the chain.
He's more like an anchor.
Maybe we should have
just stayed on the bank.
That's just weighing us down.
All right, Jep, can
you catch a frog?
- Yes.
- Only 'cause I want to win this,
and I don't want to
embarrass ourselves,
am I gonna run this motor.
This is supposed
to be a two-man job.
So it looks like,
we're short one man.
See him right there?
- Yeah.
- Get on him, Jep.
- Face plant!
- You better got that one!
He gone.
- Oh my goodness.
- I'm sorry.
Ain't that the girls
are gonna catch any,
but we gotta at least catch one.
I think we did
pretty good today.
I think we narrowed it down.
It's still too much. Wait, John
Luke, these aren't even yours.
These are Sadie's.
- What is it?
- Headbands.
Those are mine,
when I had long hair.
Throw me one of them.
John Luke was
having a little trouble
giving up some of
his childhood stuff.
So I threw all that crap
in the back of my pickup.
Your hair's short now.
Yeah, but it grows. I might
need them in the future.
Throw me one of
them, let me look.
- Why do you need this many?
- Hey.
Now the boy's got it down to the
essentials that he needs for college.
- There's one.
- Hey!
Throw me one of
them, let me look.
Plus, I got my Christmas
shopping done, win-win.
Okay, mutual, beneficial,
for everybody concerned.
This could be the
new start of a new me.
Si, you're too old
to be the new you.
- Well, what do you think?
- I like it.
Its looks like it's squeezing
your brain a little bit
and you sure don't need that.
Look, we need to get this going,
we're right down to the finish line.
We got about four
or five boxes left,
let's wrap it up and
get them on the truck.
I'm getting tired, I
don't know about you all.
- All right.
- Let's load it up.
We also have 12 more
boxes in the garage.
You got what! What do
you mean 12 more boxes?
We got wedding gifts and stuff.
No.
We've got to figure something out,
the truck's leaving in the morning.
That's when you
need to compromise.
These kids have got to learn
that a big part of marriage
is learning how to compromise.
Kind of like me and
Phil in the kitchen.
Phil will be like, "I'm
tired, I need a nap."
He's a grumpy grump,
you understand?
That's compromise.
You can't always get
everything you want,
when you both want
something different.
Maybe we can just get
rid of some of your stuff.
Yeah, there's a good idea.
Unless you have
something to trade.
- How about we get another truck.
- Do what?
Now that is a winner.
I like it, then we
can bring everything.
Mary Kate's gonna learn soon,
a little honey on the
biscuits goes a long way.
Just ask Phil.
Why didn't we do
this to begin with,
and we wouldn't even have
to go through all this sorting
and talking about
don't take this, take this,
take that, take
this, don't take this.
Party pooper.
Take that and those on the
truck, no we're not gonna take that,
okay two things left,
yeah, put that on the truck.
Si, you're giving me a headache.
Nope we don't need this put
it over here, take it to the truck.
Maybe three trucks.
There's a frog right there
Jase; look look look, see him?
- That's a big one.
- I got it, I see him.
You better go for
it right now Jep.
- Got her?
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
- That a baby!
- Now we're rolling!
- Now we're doing something!
- Hold him tight.
- That's what I'm talking about, boo ya!
Put him in the ice chest
before you drop him.
Yeah!
I may have struck
out a few times earlier
but I'm just getting warmed up.
- You see him?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He got it!
Now I'm the king of catching
frogs, I'm the Frog King.
There he is Jep, do a drive by.
Oh, my goodness that's
the biggest one of the night.
I'll probably make Jess call
me that, when we're alone.
Whoo, boys, we
ain't dancing tonight.
♪ No dancing for us
♪ I ain't dancing I
ain't doing no dancing ♪
- Wait for it.
- I got no problem with dancing,
but I ain't dancing.
You know if you get enough
mud in the bottom of this boat
you can really do the moon walk.
All right come on, you don't
get the next one it's my turn.
Jessica, right there.
Whoa, that's a big one,
straight back, straight back!
- Right there, Jess, you see him?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Set the net on him.
- Get him, Jess.
Get him, get, him
get him, you got him!
You got him, you got him.
- Goodnight you dropped him.
- What the heck it fell out!
It's gonna be a long night if you
all don't do no better than that.
Okay I'm not gonna lie,
frog hunting is a lot harder
than I thought it was gonna be.
All right Korie, your turn.
Y'all got to suck it
up, let's get out there.
Come on, baby,
find me some frogs.
I hear one over here.
There's one right there.
Jessica has made,
literally dozens of attempts,
and has not caught a frog.
I'm gonna go straight at him.
- Get him.
- You got to be quick.
Hopefully, I'll
have better luck,
because the only thing
worse than not going dancing
would be hearing what the guys have to
say when we come back empty handed.
Just set it down on
top of him and hold him.
Okay.
Korie, you better
show some skill.
Leave it just like that.
Bingo! Get him in the boat.
We got a frog, that felt good!
That was awesome.
I know I underestimated us, I didn't
think we'd come back with anything.
- Oh, my goodness.
- Pretty.
Yeah, that's some
good meat right there.
But now that we have
caught a frog, I'm feeling good.
Everybody gets a touch of it.
I'll touch it when it's cooked.
- Come on Missy, touch it.
- I'm good.
If you lick him you'll
get dizzy headed.
- Really, what?
- I'm just kidding.
Maybe even good
enough to catch one myself.
Probably not.
So have you all been converted
into frog hunters or what?
Yeah, no.
Come on, Missy,
you know you had fun.
You all ready, girls?
Let's get about 10 more.
- Come on let's do it.
- All right.
That's the girls screaming.
Is that dad's boat?
Tie us all for a la-ti-da.
We've been had boys.
You got to be kidding me.
Where did Phil come from?
I should have known
the girls had something
up there sleeves, this whole
deal seemed way too easy.
I don't care if they did get
Phil, they still didn't catch any.
Don't hurt your back
with all them frogs.
- Oh, goodness.
- They're naturals, Jase.
- Oh, crap.
- Yeah.
But poaching our
dad to be on their team
that's something I
didn't see coming.
Watch your back,
'cause they're heavy.
Ribbit, ribbit.
It was a cheap trick
and they bent the rules
and I'm kind of upset
that I didn't think of it.
Pro move, Korie, pro move.
It was supposed to be
us against y'all, not Phil.
He didn't catch any frogs.
He was just our driver.
Yeah, but that's part of
frog hunting someone has to
drive the boat, I had to
drive the boat half the night.
That was not in the rules.
- I have to admit I'm stunned.
- Are you getting scared?
- Did y'all catch any frogs?
- I'm not scared at all,
despite the fact that...
Well you seem really bothered by
the fact that Phil went with us so...
No, I'll tell you what, I'll
show you all what we got.
All right, show me.
Let's see, how
about some of these.
- Those are nice.
- Hmm.
- Nice?
- What about this guy?
- Yeah.
- Sufficient.
Wait a minute, let me see here.
- Oh, a little baby frog.
- He'll be delicious.
Oh, that's a fat one.
Seven counting
the baby one, nine.
No wait a minute, there's more,
don't forget about him, that's 10.
- All right.
- All right you want us to count ours?
- Yep, let's do it.
- All right, here we go.
We got one.
- We got one.
- One?
I have to admit, even though
our wives only caught one frog,
they exceeded my expectations.
- I'm surprised you caught one.
- Thank you.
He didn't jump in
the boat did he?
No.
Even if they had to use Phil to
drive the boat, still impressive.
After watching you boys wives in
action I would say it's worth a dance.
Okay, one dance for one frog.
What I'm not happy
about is having to see Willie
jiggle on the dance floor.
Just some things that
a man shouldn't see.
Since we only caught one,
we didn't actually beat
you, we will clean the frogs.
- Deal!
- And I'll cook them.
- We'll help.
- Done.
- Pleasure doing business with you.
- Time for bonding.
Ew, you're slimy!
- So are you.
- Uh-uh, I didn't touch a frog.
Y'all hear that frog?
All right, y'all bow.
Father thank you for
the frogs that you created,
they're a wonderful
animal, in the name of Jesus
who made all these things
possible for us, amen.
Amen.
Marriage is a lot like dancing,
it can be exhausting,
occasionally awkward
and often difficult
to find your groove
but when you do, it's hard
not to have the time of your life
whenever two people
come together there's always
a little give and take, whether
sacrificing your belongings
or self-dignity, compromising
ain't easy no matter
what the circumstances are.
Just remember that when
it comes to your marriage
it's always worth the effort,
even if it means embarrassing
yourself on the dance floor.
I got an idea, the frog dance.
Now I remember why we
don't go dancing very often.