Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 6, Episode 5 - Brand of Brothers - full transcript

- Si.
- What?

You keep spinning
that, and it comes off...

you gonna impale yourself.

Oh, no. No. This ain't the
first thing I've ever spun, son.

- Uh-oh.
- Mm-kay.

Deejay Si in the house.

That sounds like when you're
trying to drive an 18-wheeler.

Why do you think they
call 'em gearjammers?

Deejay Gearjammer.

That ain't a bad name.

Hey, look here. I'm a
gearjammer from way back.



- Know what I mean?
- Whoa.

You start out with a little...

And then...

What is that?

Whoa!

That's Deejay Gearjammer.

You got to jam 'em.

You should be
Deejay Tea Slammer.

- No.
- Now that's good.

- No.
- That's stupid.

- That's stupid? You're stupid.
- Deejay Gearjammer.

What are you doin'? Trying
out for New Kids on the Block?

- Dude, it's called peacocking.
- No, that ain't no peacock. That's a dork.

This is awesome.
It's the new look now.



- He's still tryin' to make a statement.
- He's makin' one all right.

Yeah, you been tryin' to make a statement
with those ugly old flame boots for years.

It's an image thing.

Speaking of which, I'm
thinking of a logo change.

We've had the same logo at Duck
Commander since the beginning.

Now I've decided it's
time for a little revamp.

Something new that says...

"Duck Commander
is movin'. It's on fire."

It's important for companies to
adapt and change with the times.

Fire.

That's the dumbest thing
I ever heard of in my life.

Last thing I want Duck
Commander to be...

is the Blockbuster
Video of the huntin' world.

We've had the same
logo for... 40 years.

You have it
tattooed on your arm.

I'll get a new one of whatever
we think of somewhere else.

- Maybe on my back.
- Lower back?

- Put it on your forehead.
- You know, like the girls do these days.

That's why I don't bring you
ideas. 'Cause you are stupid.

Get back to work,
Deejay Tea Slammer.

You got it.

- Are you sure we need glitter?
- Everything needs glitter.

You're startin'
to sound like Jep.

Wanna put some
pink on the marshes?

I'm proud to see
Bella so determined.

She's motivated, a
go-getter— Much like me.

Look at this.

- You're not too good
with those glue sticks.

I just wish I didn't have to do
so much of her homework myself.

Well, how's it coming?

I've got glue all over me.
We've got a faulty glue stick.

And you're wiping it
on my good napkin?

Aw! Willie.

- I got glitter up my nose.
- You're using my good napkin.

There's paper
towels right there.

Well, I think you
did a great job.

Thank you.

I was talkin' to Bella, but, okay,
you did a good job too, babe.

And there's extra credit.

Does it involve more glitter?

We have to find a benchmark in
West Monroe and take a picture with it.

What is a benchmark, anyway?

They mark the highest
altitude in certain cities.

It's actually the elevation.

Your Papaw Phil would probably know exactly
where the benchmark in West Monroe is.

When it comes to finding things in the
woods, nobody knows more than Phil.

Do you think he
has time to take us?

Bella, all he does is walk
around the woods all day.

But here's the thing. When
you spend a day with Phil...

you end up learning a lot of things
you probably didn't want to know.

He's got time.

Like, when I was a kid, he
taught me how canines procreate.

I did not need to
know that at seven.

Y'all go call Papaw Phil and
set it up to go for a little hike.

Uh, Trevor, man, I like
this one with the duck.

But the duck's kind of plump.

I'm really leanin' towards
the blinged-out one.

I've kicked up the logo
change into high gear.

Hired a brand consultant, had
him mock up a few new logos.

We'll throw some
drop shadow on there.

Make it young, make it hip.

- I still wanna keep it classy.
- We'll run it through a focus group.

- Does that cost money?
- Yeah, absolutely.

I—Well...

Nothing crazy.

Could we add some fire?

- Oh, absolutely.
- Mmm.

It's time to set
this logo on fire.

I really, really like what
I'm hearing on your end.

What I really wanna
do is mock up...

a few more logos based on
the conversations we've had—

Lots of fire, lots of bling.

But the tough guy duck stuff—

- You don't want bling.
- Yes, we do.

- You do not want bling.
- We need bling.

- That's just stupid.
- You're stupid.

- I'm sorry, what was that?
- Sorry, my brother came in. It's fine.

Who is this guy, anyway?

This guy is a brand consultant.
He knows what he's doing.

You should fire him right now.

Um—

When is Willie goin' to learn?

This system is working.

You're gonna ruin our logo, which
has been in our family for 40 years.

It looks like the old one.

It's not broken.

Quit tryin' to fix it.

Sounds like you need to work
things over with your team.

He's not on my team.
I-I'll call you back.

We're gonna really bling this
out for you. How does that sound?

That sounds good.

All right. See ya. Sorry. Bye.

That guy's an idiot.

I'm, um— I'm actually
still on the phone, guys.

Oh. Sorry, bro. Sor—
Uh, thank you. Again.

- Stupid idiot.
- Thank you.

You still there?

This guy is doing a brand for your
company and he wants to put bling in it?

- I like bling.
- I'm tryin' to help you out...

- Look, this is good.
- 'Cause I'm tryin' to keep you from...

- You like that?
- A duck with a gun?

Yeah.

There are so many things
that's wrong with that.

This is not marketing.
This is doodling.

- You like that?
- A duck with a gun?

- Yeah.
- Let's just think about that.

Why would a duck
wanna shoot other ducks?

It sounds counterintuitive...

but I actually do care
what Jase has to say.

I mean, he is our target
demographic, after all.

Now, this one? I like
it but I'm just not...

- It looks like a— - But...

his criticism isn't always
the most constructive.

That's all I see. Can't
get it out of my mind.

It's a duck soaring like
an eagle. With a gun.

- Looks like a big— - But...

that's not to say that it isn't valuable
in a brainstorming sort of way.

- All right— - Let
me see it again.

- Oh yeah, it's
definitely a— - But...

any good leader knows
to surround himself...

with good people who don't
always share the same perspectives.

- When I see that, I
think— - That's not a...

Bottom line, Jase can
be a real pain in the butt.

I'm-a look at it. Thank
you for your comments.

I'm tryin' to help you
out here. Look, you're...

Really? This is
you helpin' me out?

My group of slaphappies
can do a better job than that.

- I can prove it to you.
- All right, whatever.

They're great at doodlin'.
And that's all that is.

You-You can do whatever
you wanna do, son.

And it'll be no charge.

Korie, come tell me
if this looks like a butt.

Willie!

I had a bad night last
night. Couldn't sleep.

I watched that stupid
movie Caddyshack.

That movie's awesome. What
are you talkin' about, stupid?

No. At least Bill Murray
should kill the gopher.

That's the funniest part, Si.

Hey. No. I hate the gopher.

I hate that stupid gopher.

- Haters gonna hate.
- That's what I've heard all my life.

You do realize the
gopher was fake, right?

All right. Stop what you're
doin'. I got good news for you.

We got a new job.

Hey, look, I've already got
one job and that's enough.

It's the same job, we just
have a different avenue.

Look, Willie has his way of
doin' business, and I have mine.

Willie wants us to do
a logo for the company.

- Hey, I'm into Legos.
- Si.

- Know what I'm talkin' 'bout?
- Logo.

And I'm lookin' forward
to provin' to Willie...

that anybody can make a logo.

No, we're not buildin'
anything. We're drawing.

I can't draw.

You just take what we
got and make it better.

Because, let's face it,
if these guys can do it...

anybody can do it.

So Willie's gonna let us
do that instead of this?

Yeah, he was all for it.

- He was like, "Go for it."
- I hate the gopher.

So I figured, would you rather doodle, or
would you rather put together duck calls?

- Doodle.
- I'm a doodler.

- I can doodle.
- All right.

- Works for me.
- Let's do it.
- All right, let's do it.

♪ And this is how we do it ♪

All right.

So, Bella, what's
this project about?

Ecosystems of Louisiana.

Well, it's not— It's
ecosystems but...

We've done the one project, now
we're doin' the benchmark project...

which is extra credit.

So we gotta find the benchmark.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Back when I was in school,
you either passed or you failed.

So, Bella, what do
you need me for now?

The benchmark.

Remember? We talked
about finding the benchmark.

There was no such thing as extra
credit. I never heard of that term.

Benchmark's no problem.
It ain't rocket science.

Unless you could provide
your teacher with fresh crappie...

and, uh, extra credit kicked in.

I passed. C-plus man.

Look, benchmarks, ecosystems...

cat squirrels, wood
ducks, bobcats...

- Oh, boy.
- The old gray fox.

Big white-tailed deer.

Whatever you wanna know,
we're gonna find out about it today.

That's cool, but, let's
focus on just the benchmark.

Ducks nesting in
holes in the trees.

It's not that, it's just...

Willow oak, small acorn.
Overcup, big acorn.

Little baby ducks in hollows
in trees. See what I'm sayin'?

All right, can we
just focus on...

Tree frogs. They
got glue on their feet.

They can hang onto trees
upside down. Never slip.

You gonna learn all
kinds of stuff today.

Now this is exactly why I
came along on this little field trip.

That's cool, but we
gotta find the benchmark.

Maps are for people
who are lost. We ain't lost.

You never been lost before?

- Have I been lost before?
- Oh, crap.

Once you get Phil started, he can
spend all afternoon talkin' 'bout...

Runnin' whores, smokin'
dope, gettin' drunk...

swimming in depravity
of my own doing.

Oh, I've been lost, Will.

There's some things my
10-year-old daughter shouldn't hear.

No, I meant, like, didn't know
how to get back to your vehicle.

I didn't know how to
get back to anywhere.

I was dazed and confused and lost
and turned around all at the same time.

That went on for years.

But you're not worried about
where the vehicle is, trust me.

You're just...

Layin' on the ground,
on your all fours, barfing.

In fact, there's some things
that nobody should hear.

I wish I could
unhear a few things.

Are we gonna find
that benchmark?

We'll find anything
you want, little baby.

All right. I know none
of us are artists here.

- Speak for yourself.
- Okay, Jep.

But let's see where we're at.

Jep, what do you
got? Hold it up.

This is called Power.

- It's called Power?
- Power.

- Hey, he's on steroids.
- Oh, my goodness.

Well, I may have
spoken too soon...

when I said anyone
can create a logo.

- This is what you want.
- Dude, that looks like a dragon.

Smaug.

It turns out that my team may
have overthought this a little.

We got a big
blob— - It's a cloud.

- That is a cow patty.
- Freshly dropped.

Look, it's got steam
comin' off of it.

Or underthought it.

This is a hard-core DC fan.

He tattooed DC on
his cheekbones. Okay?

Or just not thought
about it at all.

All right, I thought y'all
might go a little overboard.

So I kept it simple.

- DC.
- The comic books.

You can take our old
logo, see, put it up here...

It's simple, but I like it.

All right, so what do you think?

What's your vote, Jep? Godwin?

Jase's.

- Sorry, Martin. I gotta go with that.
- You didn't even ask me for my vote.

- You gonna vote that?
- Yes.

- Whatever. Throw away your vote.
- All right, well, you lost.

Three to one. You lose.

Hey, you know what we should do? Take
that to the print shop on Cypress Street.

We'll make it look official.
He'd never think we'd do that.

- Hey, can we go eat lunch when we do this?
- Yeah.

Well, let's quit talkin'
about it, and let's go do it.

- Nice work, gentlemen.
- We pulled that one off, boys.

Whoa!

Where is this
thing? Are we lost?

Lost? I used to be, but not now.

Oh, boy.

Well, everyone makes mistakes.

Especially in their past
when they look back.

- I was, as they say, on the wrong path.
- I-I know. I heard that.

But I always thought if you
could learn from your mistakes...

there's nothin'
to be ashamed of.

- This is takin' a while.
- You know, I been lost, Will.

'Course I've learned from my
mistakes and I did grow from them.

You say, "How long did it
take?" I said, "'Bout 50 years."

This old tree fell
about 30 years ago.

It made a bench. I sat on it.

That's not— That's
not the benchmark.

Oh, it's a benchmark all right. I
sat on it and killed six squirrels.

You talk 'bout a bench.
That's a bench there, jack.

Yeah, but not the
one we're lookin' for.

That's my girl.

I'm starting to remember
why I never asked Phil...

to help me with my
homework when I was a kid.

Killed six squirrels and Miss Kay
fixed 'em up in some dumplings.

All right, back to
the benchmark.

So this provided a good
meal, this bench here.

One simple task can turn into an
epic journey through life lessons.

See how it kind of looks round?

- You know what I found?
- Lookin' for a benchmark.

Bones.

This science project is turning
into a lesson on patience.

How much extra credit are
you gettin' for this, Bella?

Will, this is way more than credits on some
kind of paper the teacher made her get.

This is about life
skills, my man.

Right now it's about
just— It's really just credit.

Don't pay much attention.
That'll get you lost.

- Phil, I heard that.
- Huh?

- Oh, there he is.
- Ooh.

- Gravy. Gravy's up.
- Okay. Here we go.

- There's a thing over there—
Those cards in that bowl?
- Mm-hmm?

You put a card in there,
you get free lunch for a week.

So you have to have a
business card to enter?

- Yep.
- What about all the blue collar workers?

I don't like collars.

Then why are you wearin' one?

- I ain't.
- Yeah, you are.

He can't see it 'cause
he don't have a neck.

- You're the man with no neck.
- You ain't got no neck.

- Yeah.
- Eat you some gravy. It'll be all right.

You know what we oughta do, since
we're goin' by the printin' place anyway?

We need to all get
us a business card.

- Great idea.
- With the new logo.

Problem is, though, you gotta
have a title on a business card.

- We'll make our own up.
- What are you gonna be then?

Jase Robertson.

Vice President of
Duck Call Strategies.

I'm gonna put "Jep Robertson I.

Vice President of
Duck Call Assembly."

I'm already the vice president.
You can't have two vice presidents.

- There's one to a company, I think.
- No.

I agree with Si.

There's tons of vice presidents
in a corporate ladder, man.

I know, but it just seems
weird that that's what you'd pick.

Sounds cool.

Well, I'm gonna
be Vice President...

of Duck Call Production
and Quality Control.

Why are we all vice presidents?
That don't make sense.

I think I'm gonna
be a vice president.

I'm gonna be the General
Manager of Duck Call Relations.

What, you don't wanna
be a vice president?

That's a pretty big
deal, general manager.

- He works for us.
- Nah.

- General manager.
- Let's go get us some business cards.

- I'm in.
- And the logo.

I'm gonna get me some mint.

Bella, look around.

You said you wanted the highest
point of elevation that there is.

But I need a benchmark. Like,
the actual, physical benchmark.

Do you see the benchmark?

Do you even know
what a benchmark is?

- No.
- Oh, jeez.

I don't know about
no benchmarks.

It's, like, a concrete square...

and it says the elevation
and when it was established.

- Who put it there?
- I don't know, the government?

- The government?
- Don't get him started, Bella.

- That's why I never heard of a benchmark.
- Oh, boy. You've done it now.

Never fool with anything that's
got a government stamp on it.

Oh, brother.

We almost made it through the whole day
without Phil talkin' 'bout the government.

Nobody needed to survey all this
to see where the highest hill was.

I'm telling you it's the highest hill.
No government assistance needed.

As far as being kid-appropriate,
I'm actually okay with this.

The worst he'll do is
just bore Bella to sleep.

But I need a picture with the
benchmark to get the extra credit.

I am the benchmark. Put that in
your paper and give it to your teacher.

So I guess she did learn
something today after all.

Never say the word
"government" in front of Phil.

You think it's
worth extra credit?

Not unless I take
a picture with you.

'Cause you said
you're the benchmark.

Now you're gettin' somewhere.

Maybe we'll get half credit.

Government plaque in
the middle of the woods?

All right, try to smile, Phil.

Say "cheese."

Big smile here. All right.

You know what's better
than finding a benchmark?

- Happiness?
- Fried chicken. Come on.

How did we come in here?

These business cards were
a pretty good investment.

Hey, they're paying
for themselves already.

- Get the— - Oh!

- Look at that.
- That was a floater.

- What?
- Why did you make business cards...

- and why are they all over the floor?
- Hyah!

- Well, we bought a few too many.
- "Vice President of Duck Call Strategies"?

- Yeah, that's me.
- That's not even a title.

Well, if spendin' this morning
with Phil wasn't bad enough...

"Vice President of Duck Call
Manufacturing and Quality Control"?

Apparently my employees have done
absolutely nothin' while I've been gone.

"Reed Making and Nap
Taking Technologies"?

Technologies.

Actually, this is
worse than nothin'.

They've given themselves
fake promotions.

You're missin' the
most important part.

- What?
- The new logo.

It's on the card.

- That's the logo?
- Yeah, that's the logo.

- That's what y'all came up with?
- Yeah.

- Looks good, don't it?
- I'll give you this.

It's better than what I thought
y'all woulda come up with, so, um...

Your expectations might
have been a little low.

Oh, they were very low.

Really it doesn't matter 'cause
I have our new logo right here.

- Jase, you're gonna love this.
- Let's see.

Lay it on me.

- It looks just like the old one.
- Yeah, that's the same one.

To the untrained
eye, you may think so.

Drop shadows, font is bigger.

You paid a brand
strategist for that?

No, I actually fired him.

It was a waste of money.
That guy had stupid ideas.

- It's the same one.
- Mostly the same.

So, basically, I was right.

The fact that Willie didn't even
wind up changing the logo...

shows you that
anybody truly can do this.

You had some good points.
You added to the discussion.

It was a team effort.

So, basically, I was right.

I mean, I've said before
and I'll say it again.

- I'll give you a little credit.
- Okay. I'll take it.

If it's not broken, why
are we trying to fix it?

So, basically, we just
wasted a whole day?

How's that different
from any other day?

I'm goin' home.

All right, let me offer thanks
for this good food here. Y'all bow.

Thank you, Father, for
creating us in your image.

We are thankful for
that and humbled.

Thank you for all the
family members here.

Help us to love one another
and love you more each day.

- Through Jesus I pray. Amen.
- Amen.

When you run a
family business...

everyone seems
to have an opinion.

And while it may be
easiest just to tune 'em out...

sometimes they actually do
know what they're talkin' about.

Even though at times it seems like
we're working against each other...

ultimately, we're all
on the same team.

Just like Phil and I
are on the same team...

with wanting Bella to grow
up with the right values.

All that really matters is
that we find common ground...

even if it's not the
actual benchmark.

Bella, have you learned
a lot today, baby?

- I guess so.
- Really?