Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 6, Episode 1 - Governor's Travels - full transcript

- Sadie farted.
- John Luke. Seriously?

No, I didn't.

- Yes, you did.
- I did not fart.

- I promise I did not fart.
- Yes, you did.

- Sadie, did you?
- I really didn't. I promise.

- Yes, you did.
- Did you, Sadie?

No! I did not fart!

- She did.
- Sadie.

- No, I didn't.
- John Luke, it's not funny.

Mom thinks it's funny.

That's not funny.



Farting's always funny. I
don't care how old you are.

I did not fart.

I didn't— -

It's pretty funny,
actually, Willie.

All right. So, John Luke, have
you been working on your speech?

- What is that?
- It's a whip app.

All right, Indiana
Jones. Put it down.

The speech is tomorrow.

John Luke, this is
serious. The governor...

The governor of the great state of
Louisiana is visiting here tomorrow...

to present Duck
Commander an award.

You seriously
gotta work on this.

All right. That's good.

John Luke is introducing
the governor at this



little award ceremony
thing they've set up.

That's hilarious.

He was asked to
give a little speech...

but I'm starting to worry that
John Luke and speeches...

may not... mesh.

John Luke, you need
to take this seriously.

I'm with your dad on that.

- This is pretty important.
- I've been working on it, Dad.

By tomorrow, I'm gonna
have this speech— -

whipped into sh—
Whipped into shape.

You can't even get that right.

Oh, boy.

Air ball, air ball,
air ball, air ball.

- Brick!
- Godwin. It's not a brick.

- It's a air ball.
- Ball, please.

- Can you hit the rim?
- I'm nervous.

Dang governor's coming
to town. Let me shoot again.

- Why are you nervous?
- It's the governor.

You're trying to tell me that's
the reason you missed it?

Yeah. My game's usually tight,
but it ain't now. Too nervous.

- Huh?
- What is "tight"?

"Tight." "Tight" as in "good."

Like "My shoes are tight."
They're cool. They're tight.

There's some real advantages
to being the youngest brother.

I'm more in tune with
the younger generation.

- Who come up with that?
- I've always said that.

You've always said that?

I know who Dr. Dre is.

I know who Kris Kross is.

- That's tight.
- Huh?

So I know the lingo. "Tight."

Your shirt is too tight.
That's what the problem is.

That's what's in style now.

Jeans are tight.
A shirt is tight.

That burp was tight.

And it had something behind it.

- Your hat is tight.
- Huh?

- I like your hat. It's tight.
- Don't ever say that again to me.

Are you gonna shoot, Pinocchio?

- What?
- Pinocchio.

What's that got to
do with anything?

Hey!

- Air ball!
- Nope. That was a brick.

I said "brick" a while
ago, and you said "air ball."

It hit the rim.

Really? The governor's
coming in a few hours.

What's the problem?

- You're not supposed
to be playin' basketball.

I told y'all to clean this up.

We weren't technically
playing basketball.

This is the one day I actually need
my employees to act like employees.

The governor is coming here.
This needs to look clean and nice.

- I'm not asking for the world.
- It's a warehouse.

- It's supposed to look like this.
- No, it looks like crap.

At the very least, these guys
can pick up boxes off the floor.

We need to look our best.
I've already told you this.

Continue.

Or at the very, very least...

they could avoid
making a new mess.

Si, you're doing the exact
opposite of what I just told you to do.

Well, hey, this looks like it's
gonna take a long time, and I'm tired.

We just got here.

I know, and the day's
done started off wrong.

Whatever. I gotta go help John Luke
with his big speech for the governor.

He hasn't been preparing
quite like he should have, so...

Y'all need to get prepared
too. Clean it up. All right?

Hey. Don't worry, Willie.
We'll make it look tight.

- We'll make sure this warehouse is tight.
- Quit saying that.

Phil?

Phil, I've been calling you.

I wanted you to see something.

Mm-hmm.

- Hmm.
- What do you think?

You don't want to start something
you can't finish there, little mama.

I'm talkin' about my outfit.

It's for the governor.

- Never heard of him.
- You're ridiculous.

Hmm. Turn around one more time.

Mm-hmm.

When it comes to
fashion, I'm not your man.

Well? What do you think?

If Miss Kay comes out
and says, "How do I look?"...

I'm not looking at
whatever duds she has on.

Do it again.

No, I'm not gonna do it
again. I'm gettin' dizzy.

But if you want an opinion...

that I can give you.

Mmm. Looks a little shiny.

- Shiny?
- Just seems a little shiny.

Is it that shiny?

Pretty, pretty,
pretty— Pretty shiny.

So it won't do? Is
that what you're sayin'?

- Hello!
- Yo!

- Hey!
- Hey!

Just the girls I'm looking for.

I've been with Phil
long enough to know...

he's not much help when it
comes to picking out an outfit.

Is that what you're gonna wear?

- He said it's too shiny.
- Phil!

So when a big event's coming up, I
wanna invite some of the girls over.

Now I kind of want to go
look for something else.

- You want us to help you out?
- That's a great idea.

Girl time. It's fun time.

- All right. Come on, Miss Kay. Let's go.
- Okay.

- This will be fun.
- Mission accomplished.

Thank you, Sadie and Korie.

Ladies and gentlemen,
John Luke Robertson!

- Good afternoon.
- Let me stop you right there.

The key to public speaking...

is one thing.

Speak louder?

- No, this is not volume.
This is— - Patience.

Confidence?

The key is right
here in this region.

- Are you the key?
- Eye contact.

Eye contact.

You don't have to write it
down. Just remember that.

John Luke may not be
the greatest public speaker.

Yet.

Everybody's watching you.

It's gettin' a little weird.

But with my help, he could
be the best of the best.

John Luke Robertson.

I got the wrong card.

Well, second best.

- It's just me and you here.
- All right.

When you give the speech, it'll
be a couple hundred thousand.

All right. To be honest, I just hope
he can get the words out of his mouth.

- All right. I'm ready.
- All right. Let's hear it.

Okay.

You're up on the stage.

Clapping just stopped.

Everybody's staring
at you right now...

waiting for what
you're gonna say.

John Luke.

- I'm ready.
- All right, folks. And here he is,
John Luke Robertson!

Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.

Good afternoon there,
John Luke. Hey. You call me?

- No, I didn't call you.
- Hey. What are you talking about?

John David said you needed help
with public speaking. And look. I'm here.

Willie's the last person that
should be helping John Luke, okay...

'cause he's a terrible
public speaker.

I don't need your help, Si.

The man sounds like R2-D2, okay?

Nobody can understand
a word he's saying.

You're just trying to get out
of cleaning the warehouse.

What?

I don't need your help, Si.

- I don't know.
- All right. Fine. Whatever.

- Let's just get this show on the road.
- All right. Let's go.

You're up on the stage.
The clapping just stopped.

Everybody's staring
at you right now.

Shouldn't he be standing up?

No. He's fine. It's
just practice, Si.

Hey. For public speaking,
he'll be standing up.

- Good after— - Ladies and
gentlemen, John Luke Robertson!

Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you for all
coming out this afternoon.

- Wonderful job. Wonderful job.
- Yeah.

That's what I'm talking
about. Perfect! He nailed it.

Boy, this is a bad day
to be a political roadie.

I'm glad that ain't us.

They're working
pretty fast though.

Look at that one. He looks
like a air traffic controller.

- Look at the efficiency.
- Look at the skinny jeans on that guy.

Holy cow.

This is what it's
like to be Willie.

- He watches us work.
- That's it.

Willie asked us to clean
up the warehouse...

so it looks nice
for the governor.

- We don't work near that fast.
- Nah.

Come on. It's a warehouse.

What's the first thing you would
do if you were elected governor?

Make a four-day work week.

You wouldn't have to
clean up your dog's poop.

- You have to do that?
- In town, yeah.

I don't live in town.

I'll go to jail 'fore I'll reach
down and pick up dog poop.

- That's exactly right.
- I will go to the penitentiary.

If I were governor,
no jalapener chips.

- Why?
- They're too hot.

If that's the platform
you were runnin' on...

I couldn't vote for you,
even though I know you.

Don't worry. I ain't runnin'.

I could've told you that.

- All right, Phil. You ready?
- Ready for what?

Miss Kay. She wants
to model for you.

I thought you girls are
gonna take care of all that.

We picked it out, but
you have to approve it.

- She wants you to see it.
- She looks good.

- Whatever y'all say.
- Introducing your lovely wife...

Miss Memaw Kay!

Very nice. Beautiful.

So what do you say?

Bingo. That's the one.

What about the polka dots on the
arm? Are they too much for you?

That's the one.

You're not even looking
when you say that.

- Look at this.
- That's it.

I should have known
this was gonna happen.

You say no to one
outfit, get ready because

there's a fashion show
coming forth quickly.

Come up and see
me sometime, big boy.

- That's the one.
- Really?

A man can't win when it
comes to "How do I look today?"

- He loves it.
- I can tell by his reaction.

Too plain.

Just nod your head.
Everything good.

I kind of feel like that
dinosaur— You know, Bernie?

- Barney.
- Bingo.

"How do I look?" I'm, like—
- You like it, don't you, Phil?

- That's the one.
- You don't like it. I can tell.

"How'd I look yesterday
when we were"...

- I'm, like— - Bingo!

You think it's a fake cowhide.
I know what you think.

How many ways
can I say "That's it"?

He doesn't like it.

I'd just advise for
you young bucks...

When your woman comes
along, "How do I look?"

Trust me. Tell her she looks great
and then don't say anything else.

Woo-hoo!

- Rowr!
- That is nice.

- That is it. That's it.
- Perfect.

- He likes it.
- You're like a tiger.

Mmm. I may attack you later.

- Oh!
- Okay.

- Too much information.
- Little miss tiger. Yo!

Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you for all
coming out today.

I'm here to introduce...

- The governor.
- The governor.

- Of Louisiana.
- Of Louisiana.

- Bobby Jindal.
- Focus more. Focus.

Look, I love my son, but sometimes
he can be a real space cadet.

All right. Let's change it up.

- Maybe start with a joke.
- All right.

And I'm talking way outer space.

Why did the cow cross the road?

John Luke, you can't ask
the audience a question.

Hold on, Will. I wanna
see how this ends.

Like edges of the universe.

Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

He's just floating out
there. No direction.

Staring. Big eyes.

Big, crazy eyes.

- Boo! Bring on the next act!
- Si. Don't be heckling him.

- Boo! Boo!
- Si, nobody's gonna heckle him.

With that joke, I'm
gonna heckle him.

Maybe something like...

"So what's the
deal with beards?"

Boo! Bring the next act on.

Si, that's funny. I didn't
even finish the joke.

No. It ain't funny.

Hey. You know what I
do when I'm speaking?

I think of lemon meringue pie.

- What does that do?
- It gives me peace.

- I think I'm gonna take a break.
- Peace of mind is like a piece of pie.

That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard in my life.

- What you talkin' about?
- Dad, I'm gonna take a quick break.

Just think about it. You're thinkin'
about a lemon meringue pie in your head.

No! Don't think about pie.

That's—That's not good.

What do you mean, it's not
good? Pie is always good.

I've never seen you
turn down a piece of pie.

- Okay? Don't give me that.
- So what?

I'm gonna take a quick break.

You're pushing the boy too hard.

If you need to replace
him, I'm available.

Oh, boy.

For my minimum speaking fee.

- One lemon meringue pie.
- No!

Well, this is how
the pros do it.

You jump up here and spin
around. That's how you do it.

Oh, Godwin gotta get steps.

Hey. I don't know if
this thing's reinforced.

Mike test. One,
two. How about this?

♪ West Monroe, born and raised ♪

♪ In the duck blind is where
I spent most of my days ♪♪

- Don't ever do that again.
- That was good.

- No, it wasn't.
- It was really good.

Have you noticed that when somebody
gets up, they always get nervous?

When they get up in front of
people, they always have a nervous...

No more jalapener
chips. Chip, chip, chip.

That was tight! That was tight!

- There's old J.L.
- How's the speech coming along, John Luke?

Not very good.

John Luke.

- How's the speech going?
- Not very good.

Dad and Si are... gettin' in my head.
Neither of 'em are making any sense.

You don't need to listen to them.
They're terrible speech givers.

It doesn't take a
genius to figure out that

if you want advice on
how to give a speech...

Willie and Si are
not your go-to guys.

Willie, he rocks
the boat. He gets so

nervous, he just starts
goin' back and forth.

In Willie's case, he
makes you seasick.

- You never notice that?
- I've never noticed that.

And Si starts saying
"Okay" more than normal.

He does.

In Si's case, he begins every sentence
with "Hey" and ends it with "Okay."

- Okay?
- Okay?

- Okay?
- Okay?

- Okay?
- He's like Lil Jon.

- Okay?
- I've never noticed that.

I mean, his basic vocabulary
revolves around "Hey," "Okay"...

and some guy named Jack.

I don't have a quirk.

You what?

I don't have one of
them—whatever them are.

- A nervous twitch?
- Yeah, that's it.

I hate to tell you this—
You have several.

First thing you do is you freeze
when you get up there. You just freeze.

- Don't he?
- Yup.

And then them ears turn red, so
you know he's getting ready to talk.

Yeah. Look how red
he is. There you go.

- See, look.
- There it is.

Then you start talking, but
your mouth is not moving.

So everybody's confused if
the sound is coming from you.

I don't do that.

Everybody does something. So
there's nothing to be nervous about.

You gotta get up there
and break up the monotony.

Okay?

You know what? I
think I got this speech— -

whipped.

Yo!

It's a whip app.

What are these guys doing?

- One more shoot-out.
- Guys!

The governor will
be here any moment.

And you gotta get ready for...

- Governor Jindal. Hey!
- Willie, how are you, man?

- It's great to see you.
- How you doing? Welcome.

Welcome. Welcome to
Duck Commander, um...

The—Well, we're in the
back of the warehouse here.

I missed you at the front.

We just came back
here. We got here early.

The guys invited me to
shoot around a little bit.

Yeah. Shootin'
basketball all day.

I'm not usually the type of
guy to say, "Hey, I told you so."

They told me they do their best
work here, so I thought I'd join in.

Is that what they said, huh?

Okay, let's face
it. I am that guy.

Yeah. I let 'em get back here.
Mostly for exercise purposes.

After years of Willie complaining about
us playing basketball in the warehouse...

it's pretty nice to see
him eat his own words.

- John Luke, you shootin' it up?
- Yes, sir.

I've been looking for you. Probably why
I missed the governor coming through.

I'm just gonna take a second
and relish in the moment.

This is good.

So, Governor, do you
need anything? I mean...

Yeah. I'd like these
guys to play a real game.

That's probably a bad idea. We
don't want to play a real game.

I'll tell you what. You make a
shot, we'll play a real game. But...

If you miss, I get a
ride in Air Force One.

- That's a deal.
- All right.

- Hand me the ball.
- John Luke, I need to see you.

- Yes, sir.
- All right. Here we go.

- I get Air Force One.
- You ready for the speech?

Yes, sir. I got it.

- Jase and them were helping me.
- Are you kidding?

They told me about your nervous
sway you have when you speak.

He tell you about
him? "Um— Um"...

- He didn't tell you the whole story.
- He didn't mention that.

Are you ready?

Yeah, I'm finished. I
got it. Already done.

- Let's hear it.
- Nah.

You're not even
gonna tell me what...

At least give me
the opening line.

Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.

Let me stop you right there.

- You ready?
- Ready.

Any last minute jitters?

You'll be great.

John Luke.

Good afternoon... and welcome.

You know, a wise
man once told me...

that a good speaker should look
everyone in the eye when he talks.

So I'm using these note cards.

Oh, man.

Uh-oh.

My dad has always
been a role model to me...

teaching me not only
the values of hard work

and ambition, but
the values of family...

and I'm honored to be able to
share the stage with him today.

And now, here to
present the award...

I give you the governor of
the great state of Louisiana...

Governor Bobby Jindal.

Thank you very much.

It is a great honor to
be up here with you.

We're presenting our very first Governor's
Award for Entrepreneurial Excellence...

in the state of Louisiana.

This is a great
family-owned-and-run business.

You've got multiple generations in
the same family working together...

praying together
and living together.

So it is my honor
and privilege...

to present the Governor's Award
for Entrepreneurial Excellence...

to Willie, the C.E.O.
of Duck Commander.

Let's give him a great round of
applause as he gets this award.

Thank you, Governor.

- Congratulations.
- Appreciate that.

Wow. I was hoping to follow John
Luke's speech, not the governor's.

Uh— Here we are.

First of all, we give
the glory to God...

for blessing us with
our talents and skills.

Kay and Phil for sure for
doing all of the heavy lifting.

Certainly all of my
brothers in this as well.

Thank you so much, Governor,
and thank you guys for coming out.

All right.

All right.

Winning!

If everybody would stand
up. Governor and John Luke.

Let's pray. Father,
we're so grateful

for the many blessings
that you've given us.

We're thankful for our employees,
our state, for Governor Jindal, his family.

We just pray that you bless them with
peace and wisdom in all that we do. Amen.

Amen!

When it comes to raising kids...

there's a fine line between being
involved and being too involved.

Truth is, at some point you
gotta learn to take a step back...

and let them do
it their own way.

And though it may
be hard to let go...

when you do, your kids usually
have a way of surprising you.

I couldn't be
prouder of John Luke.

I really had no doubt
he'd pull through.

Well, almost no doubt.

Okay. I had my doubts.

But today, he made the
whole Robertson family proud.