Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 5, Episode 1 - Boomerang Becca - full transcript

Well, they're movin' on.

All right. One more group and
then we gotta get out of here.

I gotta pick up
Rebecca from the airport.

She's flying in
from Los Angeles.

Ooh!

Rebecca is an exchange student that
Korie and I took in about 10 years ago.

How long is she staying?

John Luke, you know how
long Rebecca's staying?

- Huh?
- Never mind.

She spent the last two years
interning in the fashion industry.

And today she flies back home.



She's stayin' for a couple
days, then she's out of here.

Here we are at the beach,
taking a family portrait.

There's Rebecca.

You remember what
happened the first time?

She's like, "I'm gonna be an
exchange student for a year."

Ten years later, she's
now part of the family.

Either way, we're gonna
welcome her back with open arms.

Did y'all get my group
text about the party?

- Uh, no.
- What kind of party?

Like a coming-home party. A
surprise party, so don't say anything.

I'll come to the party. But if you want
me to come, don't sent me a group text.

'Cause then people start talkin'
and my phone keeps buzzin'.

- All right. Here we go.
- Group texts are the worst.

They're like a terrible technological
snowball coming down a mountain.



And you can't stop it.

I'm not into wasting time
listening to Tom and Jerry...

talk about who they think's
gonna win the Super Bowl.

The cartoon characters?

I thought they was the
guys that put that ice cream.

First, one person responds.

Then someone tries to be funny.

Then we get off the subject.

It'll be midnight, and
they're still talkin' about it.

What was the
original conversation?

No one knows. No one cares.

Stop having a
conversation on my phone.

You can just send one
text out. It hits everybody.

- You sent one to me?
- Yes.

I got the text.

- Good job, John Luke.
- I like texts, group texts.

Oh, crap. Here we go.

- With emojis.
- With what?

- What is that?
- Uh— Pictures.

- Emojis?
- Emojis.

Like smiley faces and
people— - Yeah, all right.

Didn't y'all say y'all
had to go to the airport?

Animals sometimes.

We hate to see y'all go,
but you don't wanna be late.

All right. John
Luke, let's roll.

Emojis. Little pictures.

Pipe down, Son.

♪ You'll be walkin' around ♪

♪ All of your life ♪

♪ The blood in you
boilin' and sweatin' ♪

♪ You'll be workin' and
slavin' your whole life away ♪♪

See, there's all
kinds of emojis.

Is that a bearded guy?

- That's a monkey.
- Oh.

Hey. There she is. All right.

- Hey!
- Hey!

- Big city girl.
- Look at y'all.

♪ L.A. woman ♪

Hey, John Luke.

♪ L.A. woman ♪

- Yeah.
- All right, John Luke.

Why don't you load them
bags up, make yourself useful?

Rebecca has been
in the wrong L.A.

You know, Los Angeles.

- Well, West Monroe's changed a lot.
- What's new?

We got a new gas station
with a drive-through.

It's got a window...

John Luke!

And hopefully that hasn't
changed her too much.

So you figured everything
out about fashion?

Well, I just...

I've actually designed some— -

- Hey, Son.
- Are you listening to all this?

Apparently, it taught her to travel
home with five bags for a two-day visit.

- Use your legs, Son.
- John Luke, be careful.

Something's not adding up here.

- Crap. How many bags did you bring?
- One last bag.

That's your purse?

Nobody told me you had a dog.

- Look.
- Why didn't...

You want to carry
this, John Luke?

Oh!

What is it? Oh, Rebecca!
It's got dog poo in it.

- Aww.
- John Luke, take care of that.

I hate to ruin the moment by
asking, "How long you gonna stay?"

But once I see a dog
and all that luggage...

I can't help but think, "How
long are you gonna stay?"

- All right. Let's go.
- Okay.

Hurry up, John Luke.

Followed by, "Does this mean
I have to put my plans on halt...

for making your old
room my man cave?"

Took the top off.

Man, I was ready
for that man cave.

This dog smells horrible.

They've even got a poop emoji.

- Do you use emoji?
- Yeah.

- Guys don't really use them.
- John Luke.

- Hey, Si.
- What's goin' on?

- How you feelin'?
- Pretty rough.

You come to get your soup?

You're making me gag, Si.

Yeah.

Hey.

Si, where were you this
morning? Look what you missed.

I'm pretty sure I got the bird flu
from carrying all these dead ducks.

- The bird flu?
- Hey.

Bird flu.

Bird flu probably is the
only thing Si has not had.

I have had the dragon pox...

the Andromeda
strain, the black breath.

Have you seen the
dude smile lately?

- Talk about gingivitis and black breath.
- And that stunk.

Scurvy. Rickets.

Gluten intolerance.
Mad cow disease.

Space dementia.

Which is kinda strange,
because I've never been to space.

Antivirus. Shanti virus.

You feel like the walls
are closing in on you.

- Phantom limb syndrome.
- Look here, hypoallergenic.

And, of course, sausage fingers.

These things swole
up like balloons.

Who could figure that?

Where's Christine?

She went to visit some friends.

- Si, you shouldn't be home alone.
- Oh, I'm okay.

I'm like that young kid
that was at home alone.

Macaulay Culkin.
I'll be all right.

He's a grown man, Kay.
He can make it by himself.

Long as the burglars
don't try to break in.

- Okay?
- Yeah.

- You might oughta stay here, then,
since you're sick.
- Nah, that's all right.

- Don't worry about me.
- He don't need to stay.

I might like to rig up some
paint buckets or somethin' for 'em.

- Phil, he needs to stay here.
- Nah. He need to hit the road,
as they say in the South.

Hmm.

There are a few things on planet Earth
that you just can't develop an immunity to.

- I don't want to impose.
- No, you're not imposin'.

Si-crobes— -

are some of those things.

- Si, you're staying.
- Okay, if you twist my arm.

Ain't nobody twisting
nobody's arm around here.

- I'm gonna go get my bag.
- Your bag?

I got a few things in
it I like when I'm sick.

Hmm.

Oh, dear.

Si-crobes.

Aww. She is so cute.

- She's so cute.
- What do you think?

- Cute.
- Thank you.

Pants are a little tight, but— -
Look at her eating that carrot.

She's cute.

- Hey, hey, hey!
- Wow!

Mr. L.A. man himself.

- ♪ L.A. woman ♪
- John Luke!

Slim fit.

- Yeah. Kinda hip, huh?
- Y'all like it?

- That was sweet of you, Rebecca.
- Thank you for bringing me
something from L.A.

It looks so good on you.

Y'all get Rebecca's
luggage up to her room.

- I need to talk to your mom.
- Yes, sir.

I really don't think I
can sit down in these.

The more I think about
it, the more I get worried...

that I don't know how
long Rebecca's gonna stay.

That was sweet of
Rebecca to bring you that.

Yeah. It's a little tight.

So now I've gotta have an
uncomfortable conversation with Korie.

How long is she staying?

Kids nowadays live at home
longer than they used to.

I don't want her
to turn into Jep.

Jep lived with Mom and Dad
forever, and now look at him.

Come on. You can talk to her
about it today while you're gone.

I need you to get her distracted
'cause I gotta set up for this party.

Why am I—What?

Do you want to go decorate?

- No. I'll distract her.
- That's what I thought.

I gotta get ready for the surprise
party. Hold her like a baby.

- No, I'm not holding a dog like a baby.
- Willie.

Burp the baby.

It's goin' off like an alarm.

- That's actually Bobo and J.J.'s.
- What?

That's a dog thermometer?

Well, it hasn't been in their
rear end. It's been in their mouth.

I don't want that
nasty thing. Good grief.

I'm sick enough without
getting doggy breath.

- You've got a fever of 99.
- Whoo. Better call the ambulance.

I'm gonna go get you a
cold compress for your face.

Hey, you wanna watch a movie?

I got some movies
in my bag here.

What kind of movies?

Well, I got Air Bud.

- Air what?
- Air Bud.

It's about a dog, okay,
that plays basketball.

- Air Bud is a dog?
- Yeah.

These are classics.

I'm a connoisseur when it
comes to animal sports movies.

You got Air Bud, when
he's playing basketball.

Air Bud is a epic classic that
spawned a bunch of classics.

Air Bud; Golden "Retriever."

- He plays football.
- Huh?

It blows Rudy right
out of the water.

We can go with Air Bud 4,
all right? Seventh Inning Fetch.

That's a classic one there.

Hey, look, it made Field of Dreams
look like the Rookie of the Year.

We got Air Bud 5—

- Air Bud; Spikes Back.
- I want to see that.

- They're all great.
- I watch old Bourne.

- That ain't realistic.
- Not realistic?

- At least Air Bud is realistic.
- If it's Bourne, it's realistic.

- Nah.
- Yeah.

- No.
- No.

Yeah.

That is correct.

- Could the dog do what Bourne does?
- Yeah, if he wanted to.

But he's into sports.

Through the years, you
know, whatever Si has caught...

in the way of microbes...

I've developed a strong
immunity to all that.

- So you'll take a dog playing basketball
over Bourne?
- Yeah.

- Are you crazy?
- No.

The only thing I have not
developed an immunity to...

♪ Air Bud ♪

is Air Bud.

- I hope I never get bird flu.
- Right. You don't want this crap.

'Cause evidently,
it affects the brain.

♪ Air Bud ♪

You know why the women
don't let us plan the parties?

- 'Cause we'd be done by now.
- Amen.

I actually think it's
gonna look really nice.

- It sure is pink.
- That's my point.

They overthink this.

Yeah, this is a little much
for a coming-home party.

I mean, this is ridiculous.

Women love to plan parties.

Oh.

And no detail is too small.

- All you need is
food— - Chicken wings.

Balloons, streamers.

- Some kind of competition.
- Battleship.

Every day would be a quinceañera
if it was left up to the women.

You need some type of weaponry.

Party-planning committee
right here. This guy.

You feel lucky, punk?

Well, do ya?

This party ain't gonna be
actually that bad if we got this.

True.

Si, what are you doing?

My throat hurts. Me
and Kay worked it out.

- Here's your homemade soup.
- Ah. Thank you.

Does that make you feel better?

- That's delicious. Thank you.
- Well, you ring if you need me, okay?

Family is one of the most
important things in life.

And the Robertsons always
look out for one another.

What do you need?

Miss Kay, I'm overrun with tissues.
Plus, these are hurting my nose.

It just pains me to see
one of our own feelin' ill.

That's why I always volunteer
to nurse them back to health.

Chop-chop. Miss Kay.
Soup. Foot massage.

Hand sanitizer. Is
this thing working?

Ding-a-ling-a-ling!

Vicks VapoRub. Bird flu.

Air Bud scores.

- What is it, Si?
- Oh, I'm sorry.

I forgot I had the
bell in my hand.

Plus, with me, you get
service with a Miss Kay smile.

Give me that.

- Yeah, but how am I gonna call you?
- Figure it out.

I was wonderin' when
that was gonna happen.

- Microbes.
- You got the bird flu too.

Hey, put in Air Bud 7...

and it'll chase all
them vibes away.

I love that dog.

All right! This is
awesome, isn't it?

Just cold.

It's awesome. It's awesome.

So you got something big goin' in
L.A.? You got a big job lined up or...

Uh, not really.

I'm just kind of thinking
about, I don't know...

just moving back home and...

Really?

- Just hang out for a while.
- Huh.

Awesome.

All right, I've danced around
the subject long enough.

I've read this whole thing
about boomerang kids...

Kids who go off to college, come
back home and then never really leave.

Do you have a job here?
You got something lined up?

You been talking to anyone?

Mmm, not really.

Phil and Kay did that with Jep.

The dude lived with Mom
and Dad till he was, like, 30.

- You remember Uncle Jep, right?
- Yeah.

He's cool. He
knows about fashion.

Oh, good Lord.

Please don't end up like Jep.

You gotta work, get out there.
You've got all that education.

- You gotta use it.
- Yeah. I will.

She's gonna end
up like Jep, isn't she?

Do you plan on living
with us till you're 30?

- Is that what you're worried about?
- No.

We just have some concerns.

I actually am thinking
about starting a business.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I got a business plan
right here. I can show you.

Well, crap, you should've
told me this a long time ago.

You have learned a lot
since you've been here.

I thought you had some concerns.

It was really more Korie's concerns
than mine. You know how she gets.

I was fine with
it the whole time.

I love yoga. Pretty good at it.

I think you've got yoga
confused with yogurt.

- Wait.
- What?

What-What is that?

"Congratulations"?

Oh, boy.

- Charlie's Angels.
- Ha, ha, ha.

Guys, it's supposed to be "Welcome
Home," not "Congratulations."

Robertson men seem
to have selective hearing.

- It was on sale.
- Look. "Congratulations." She'll love it.

Actually, I don't know if it's selective
hearing the Robertson men have.

They really could be deaf from
all that duck hunting they've done.

- Y'all have not gotten very far.
- Mm-hmm.

What? What, honey?

Jep, I thought you were gonna
get the food, like, 15 minutes ago.

- Mmm, I forgot.
- They're on their way.

Y'all got to go.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

Yeah. Jase, you've got
to put up those lights.

Why am I always the light guy?

- I'm goin' with Jep.
- What?

No one ever leaves a party
and says, "Oh, nice decorations."

That's a two-man
job. Gumbo is heavy.

They leave the party saying...

"That was the greatest
gumbo I've ever had."

We're, like,
running out of time.

We got still decoratin' to do.

If you're discussing
the decorations...

I guarantee you
that was a bad party.

Okay, just move out,
and we'll finish this.

Thank you.

Where are the directions?

You don't need the
directions. Good luck.

Come on. Let's get that gumbo.

- There he is.
- Oh, yeah.

The party can start now.

Nothing quite excites
me more than a gumbo.

♪ We're here for the gumbo ♪

If you want to
make a party work...

forget the pink frilly
ribbons and all the confetti.

Hot gumbo. Open the door, Jase.

All right. Is it gonna
burn my seat?

Might make it shrivel a little.
It ain't gonna burn a hole in it.

All the Robertsons need is
about 30 to 40 pounds of meat...

stewing in an iron vat.

That'll ride.

I would rather eat a great
gumbo in a dark alley...

than a crappy gumbo
in the Taj Mahal.

All right, boys. There's your
gumbo. It's a good one, real good.

Where's Mom and Si?

Well, microbes got
'em. Si had it first.

It bounced off
him, then she got it.

No immune system,
either one of 'em.

Didn't she cook that?

She cooked that, but, see,
Jase, gumbos are boiled.

Yeah, but she had
her hands on the pot.

Yeah, I'm not sure
I'm gonna eat it.

I say it's best to get 'em and get it over
with. Once you have it, you won't get it.

- Or you just never get it.
- The odds are you're gonna get it.

- Why don't you just catch it,
get it over with?
- I don't want it.

Get it now, or get
it later? Get it now.

I think I wanna choose later.

What you're saying is,
like, you could get stabbed...

so why don't you just stab
yourself and get it over with? That's...

Catching microbes has nothing
to do with stabbing people.

No, you're way off, Jep.

So I guess you, Mom and
Si ain't comin' to the party.

I hate to party while they
feeling ill, so I'll comfort them.

We'll send your condolences.

May you never
barf up your gumbo.

All right. Thank you.

- Have fun at the party.
- I smell microbes.

- Okay. Hot gumbo.
- Gumbo's here.

- Hot gumbo.
- Whoo. Clear the way for gumbo.

- Hey. Mmm! That smells delish.
- Good job, baby.

Oh, yeah.

I'm so excited to welcome Rebecca
back home with this surprise party.

Installed.

I'm shocked that it all
came together so well.

- Don't eat the gumbo.
- What?

Don't eat the gumbo.

I mean, Rebecca's gonna love it.

What do y'all think?

This is one of the most festive
looks the warehouse has ever known.

- That's true.
- Hey, y'all. She's coming.

- She's on her way.
- Come on now. Gather up.

So now that you're
all into business...

- I wanted to show you
around the warehouse.
- Here they come.

What you put into
paper, this is it in real life.

I just wanted to
show you around...

so you could see what
a big business looks like.

Surprise!

Congratulations!

Oh, thank you! Thank you!

Of course, I'm happy that Rebecca's
come to visit. Why wouldn't I be?

- Thanks! Thanks!
- Oh!

Then again, my house
has four kids still living in it.

- Awesome. Thank you.
- Congratulations. You made it.

I mean, should she pay
rent? 'Cause she's 24, so...

That's so nice.

At 24, I had a couple of kids.

Just sayin'.

- Thank y'all so much.
- We've been working on it all day.

Is that why we went
to get ice cream?

I was the distractor.

You were great. You
did good. You worked it.

What do you mean?

All right. Before we get to partying
too much, let's have a prayer.

All right, come
on, kids. Gather up.

Father, we're so thankful for
everything you've given us, our family...

Thank you that Rebecca's back.

We just pray that you
bless her in her career.

We just pray that we always
look to you in everything we do.

- We pray all this through Jesus. Amen.
- Amen.

All right! Party time.

More of that gumbo.

One of the few things
you can count on in life...

is that it won't always be easy.

Whether you're trying to pave
the way for your kids' success...

or you've contracted
the bird flu...

the good news is, in
the Robertson family...

someone will always
be there to help...

with open arms and
unconditional love.

The best thing about family...

is knowing someone will always
be there to take care of you...

even if you have the bird flu.

Hey, wait a minute.
Where are Phil, Kay and Si?

Booyah! They can't guard him.

He slammed it right in his face!

Si, you do realize that
none of this is real?

What are you talkin' about? You
just seen him dunk the ball right then.

In your face!

Hey, I love that dog.