Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 2, Episode 4 - Si-Yonara - full transcript

(music playing)

- Jase: You wanna go
double or nothing?
- Martin: All right.

- Gimme me five.
That's 25.
- Dang, nice!

Boys, what am I doing
over here working
my tail off

while you boys
are playing Dominoes?

Si, it's because
you are the reed man.

Once you make the reeds,
we make the duck calls.

Y'all ain't got a clue
how much I hate these reeds.

When you just do something
like I've been doing
these reeds,

over and over and over
and over and over and over

and over and over
and over and over and over,



hey, that will
make a man snap
like a twig.

Have y'all seen
my tea glass?

That's 10.

Have y'all seen
my tea glass?

- Go ahead, give me 10.
-That's 10.

It's hot.
I'm getting thirsty.

Which one of you idiots
got my tea glass?

Gimme five.

Sit I know one of these
knuckleheads has got
my tea glass.

It might take me a while,
but I'm gonna get to
the bottom of it.

It's hot, boys.

Dang nice!

Hey.

Tea glass.



Hey.

Tea glass.

Hey. Hey.

- Hot.
- Play.

Tea. Glass.
Hey! Hey!

- Hey!
- What?

- Quit yelling.
- Where's the darn
tea glass at?

- Si, we don't
have your tea glass.
- I ain't seen your tea glass.

Jase:
Si, your tea cup
is not only disgusting,

but I would rather
play patty-cake

with a dead mouse
than touch your tea cup.

One of you idiots bound
to got it. It ain't over
here where I had it.

- Si, we're busy.
- (laughing)

St
I'm like
Aretha Franklin.

I don't get no R-S-P-E-C-T
around this joint.

I'm about to go
berserk on you boys.

Now, boys,
I'll tell you what.

Here's the whole deal,
boys. Hey.

It's all this “ha, ha, ha,”
everything's funny and joke
with y'all.

-Jase: We're just kidding.
- Homey don't play that.

Y'all frame them babies
because it's the last one
this cat's doing.

I'm outta here like
a Texas tornado, boys. I quit.

- I think he really just quit.
- Well, we might as well
finish this game.

-I'm gonna finish the game.
- He didn't even turn in
a two weeks' notice.

♪ YOU'LL BE WALKIN' AROUND

♪ ALL OF YOUR LIFE

♪ THE BLOOD IN YOU BOILIN'

♪ THIS WAY ♪

♪

♪ YOU'LL BE WORKIN'

♪ AND SLAVIN'

♪ YOUR WHOLE LIFE AWAY ♪

♪

- What about it?
- Hey.

Did y'all finish
them duck pickers?

- No, we've run
into a problem.
- Shocker.

- Si cut out.
- Huh?

- Si quit.
- He quit what?

- He quit his job.
- Go tell him to come back.

Si cracks up and loses it
about every month.

It's fine.
Usually if you just
let him sit a while,

he'll forget why he quit
in the first place.

You're not getting
what I'm telling you.

He really quit.

He's gone.

What'd you say to him?

Nothing that I hadn't said
10 times before.

-Jase.
- Hey, I'm telling ya,
I think the strain

-was more than he could bear.
- You wait until he needs
that paycheck.

- He's gonna be
right back up here.
- Oh, I know.

That's why
the first thing I did

was I told Linda to
take him off the payroll.

- Get some of that.
-Jase.

-Jack.
- You don't take people
off the payroll.

I make those decisions.

- Well, what are you gonna do?
- The first thing I'm gonna do

- is take him
off the payroll.
- I just took care of it.

Second thing I'm gonna do
is tell you to go back there

- and get them duck calls made.
- That's what we're doing.

- That's what I say
you're doing.
- All right.

That's ridiculous.

Kay:
Now that's my favorite sight
in the whole world.

- You with a broom.
- You need to take a picture
of this.

You won't see this
very often.

Did you see
any spiders up there?

-Yup.
- (screams)

(laughs )

Hey, buddy.
What are you doing here?

Willie's in charge
of a funny farm.

- Si got his panties in a wad
about something.
- No.

Si:
When I run into
a situation, I can go out

and vent my frustration,
50 to speak, on Phil.
He'll listen.

- He's running an insane
asylum up there.
- Huh?

Unless it gets boring,
then he tunes me out.

I'm over there working
and they're over there
playing games.

No. Well, I've had it.
I'm sick of it.

- I quit.
- Huh?

- No, I quit.
- Huh?

Si, would you sum it all up?
What is their problem?

-They're idiots.
- Hey.

So, Si,
what are you
gonna do now?

I'd roll up my sleeves
and help you over here
on the land.

You're Duck Commander,
so I'll work for you.

I was like
a rabid coon

back up there
at the warehouse.

Now getting back out
in the woods,

that's where
I was meant to be.

Well, we've always got
something you can do
down in here, Si.

- I'm down like
a rodeo clown.
- (laughs )

- (phone rings)
- Miss Kay: Hello?

- Yeah, hold on.
It's Willie for you.
- Uh-oh.

- Uh-oh. He just got wind.
- Boss man.

- Will.
- Si, what happened?

You run a terrible company
and it's not your fault...

- I don't want no scrubs.
- Scrubs are out.

- Will, I quit.
-You can't just quit
and leave.

If you want reeds so bad,
make them yourself.

- Look—
- Si Robertson out.

(beeps)

You did not
just hang up on me.

Well, if Si's gonna play
the quitting game,

then I'm gonna play
the hiring game.

Finding a dude with a beard
who needs a job
in this town,

- it ain't that difficult.
- Well, let's get on it.

- Si: / don't want no scrubs.
- Phil: Scrubs are out.

- (blowing duck call)
-Jase: I’ma have to admit,
I'm a miss old Si here.

-Yup.
- Doing the reeds.

- Let's face it.
He was funny.
-You got that right.

- ( Blows duck call )
-Jase: / can't imagine life

in the duck call shop
without Si.

Just missing the commentary
on the bowel movements.

Man, I'm gonna miss
that guy.

(file scraping )

What is that?

Thought I heard
some pitter-patter.

Quit filing! Quit.

- (creature scurrying )
- You hear that?

- Mm-hmm.
-That's a “UV.”

An unidentified varmint.

When I'm sitting
in a room

and I hear something
with claws,

I'm fixed to find out
what that is.

I'm getting closer.
Is the varmint domesticated?

Is this varmint
a nuisance?

Is this maybe something
that I can eat for lunch?

You know what I need?
Is one of those doctor things,
you know...

Scalpel.

- A what?
- Scalpel.

You mean
a stethoscope?

What's he gonna do
with a scalpel?
Dissect him?

- (creature scurrying )
- We're gonna have to
get this outta here.

How we gonna
get to it?

This is the warehouse
right here.

Where all the products come in,
everything's stored.

Duck call room's back here.
Where you'll be spending
all your time.

Si's replacement
is one of the best reed men
in the business.

-You're doing
good for yourself.
-We're doin' all right.

- I like the bland colors.
- It's like— yeah.

I think he's gonna fit in
perfectly with the rest
of the team.

These guys are professional.
You're gonna learn a lot.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

What are you doing?

Trying to get the squirrel
out of the roof.

Willie:
Leave it to Jase
and his bunch of slappies

to make the perfect
first impression for
the new guy.

All right, guys.
This is Swede.

He's the new reed man.

Once, just once,
I want to walk
in this room

and actually see guys
making duck calls.

- Swede.
-Yup.

- Do they make
duck calls in Sweden?
- I have no idea.

-You're not from Sweden?
- No.

Never been there.

Jase:
This guy is off
to an odd start.

You can't call
yourself “the Swede”

if you're not
from Sweden.

This goes against every kind

of nickname
protocol there is.

Get him set up.
That's Martin,
John, Jep.

But, hey, if the Swede
can catch us up on reeds,

I don't care where
he's from or what
his nickname is.

Welcome aboard.

- I'll get you lined out.
- Swede: Okay, thanks.

- Thanks much.
- No, that's my seat here.

- Oh, okay.
- No, that's yours.

That one's got a hole
in it anyway.

( Chair squeaking )

- (passes gas )
- (laughs )

Sorry.

This may be
a bit premature,

- but this Swede guy...
- (humming)

.Whew.
He stinks.

Oh, good grief.

Si:
This already beats
what I was doing up yonder

- with them knuckleheads.
- Shovels are better
than reeds?

Yeah, oh, yeah.

Phil:
Today we are fixing
our levee up

and old Si fixin'
to get in on that project.

Basically,
it's two old coots
tearing up stuff.

(spits)
It could be worse.

- I'm looking forward
to this.
- Hey.

We're just two
wild, crazy guys

fixin' to go out
in the great outdoors.

Sun at our back,
smell of the woods,
wind in our beards.

Brothers are
together again.

It's gonna be
an old-fashioned
bro-down, boys.

We got two tickets
to the “brodeo.”

Si:
Boo-yah!

Swede:
And another one
bites the dust.

And another one
bites the dust.

And another one
bites the dust.

And-—you got
any more reeds?

- Yeah.
- Because I burned through
those like “buttah.”

Well, congratulations.

Two hours ago,
all we knew was
that the Swede

had a terrible nickname
and his talking was
at a trickle.

Like this.
Another one.

Five minutes after that,
the levee broke.

I am literally burning
through these things.

It's been a flood of crap
ever since.

You look like
a dwarven warrior.

I don't even know
what you're talking about.

I'm more of like
an independent film
kind of guy.

You've never seen
“Top Gun”?

I actually know a lot
about the Civil War.

They have frogs
this big.

The Amish actually train
themselves, both body
and mind.

You're too close to me.
This is awkward.

- ( Blows duck call )
- That sounded like crap.

How's it going?

It's goin'.

Look at this guy, huh?
That's big time.

I couldn't be more happy
with how the Swede's

working out
in the duck call room.

- Swede, you're doin’ good, son.
- Thanks, boss.

Si Robertson
is but a distant,
old, foggy,

farty memory.

- Look at how quiet he is.
- (scoffs )

- Quiet as a church mouse.
-Willie: / like it.

- Keep working.
- (blows duck call)

-Is it break time yet?
-Jase: Yup.

Boy, it's good to get out
of that stupid warehouse.

Back out here
in the woods.

Phil:
Free manual labor,
it's hard to find hands.

That's why we got old Red.
The backhoe operator.

- What do you think?
-You got a big hole
to fill up.

So, Si,
basically just be there
for moral support.

Si:
Red, he's a fair operator
on the backhoe.

He ain't a great operator.
I'm a great operator.

Red, hold up.

You ain't doin it right.
Let me get on that backhoe.

I'll let you
have it if you can do
a better job than me.

- Si, can you handle it?
- Si: Yeah, / can handle it.

You understand
the objective?

- Hey, look here. You see
that dirt right there?
- Yeah.

That needs to go right there.
That is the objective.

- Take the dirt
from right there—
- I got that.

- Huh?
- I got it.

Si:
That machine will be
an extension of my bogy.

The only difference between
that and my hands is

I can't grab
as much with my hands.

Si, you've been building
them reeds for about a decade.

- When's the last time
you was on a backhoe?
- Community project.

- Community project?
- Yeah.

In Vietnam.

Si, that's been 40 years.

Been a while, but it's like
riding a bicycle.

- You never forget.
- (backhoe starts )

You boys don't wanna
worry about it.

I know what I'm doing.

- Whoop.
- He's puttin' the dirt
back in the hole.

Piece of junk.

Whoa.
Boom, bow, bang,

boom, bark, squealing.

- That dirt there
needs to go this way.
- Si: / know it.

- Good night.
- I think we better
back up a little bit.

Yeah, I see trouble here.
Trouble, trouble, here.
(sighs)

Hey, this thing's
a piece of trash.

- Uh-oh.
- Phil: In his prime,

Si probably was pretty good
at using heavy machinery.

- St Piece of junk.
- But I remember when Miss Kay

weighed about 95 pounds
and was a cheerleader.

Them days kind of
long behind us here now.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

Hey, Si.
The idea is to keep
the water over there.

I don't know what
You’re talking about.
It ain't my fault.

This thing here
is a piece of junk.

I fail to see how
this is not old Silus's
fault right here.

- What do you think, Red?
- Si: Hey, look, this backhoe
is old, okay?

It's not
functioning right.

Phil:
Si, might oughta
call it a day

and let old Red
get back on that backhoe

- and see what
he can do with it.
- He's welcome to it.

I'm old, too, but, hey,
I function perfectly.

- Perfectly perfect.
-Yup.

- (dog barking )
- Get, get, get.

Go play with Bobo.
He's right over there.
Goon.

- Or go that way.
- Miss Kay, what are
you doing in there?

- I'm watering.
- Whew.

- How'd it go over there?
- Si: Oh, it went great.

Red, let's see.

Oh, you did
pretty good today, Red.

- Nice doing business with you.
- See you all in the morning.

- Good work.
- What about my pay, Phil?

- (sighs) Well—
- How am I gonna get paid now?

- Paid...
-In cash.

Phil
Paying Si
to tear up a levee

and let water out instead
of hold it in—

that be kind of like
paying a game warden
to come down there

and write you up
for something you
ain't done.

Pfft. No.

The only money
changing hands

is between Will and everybody,
not Phil and everybody.

Old Will be
your contact on that.

Well, hey,
you're the Duck Commander.
I'll just tell Will

- that you said pay me.
- Mm. I don't know about that.

-I'll see you
in the morning.
- All right.

Probably won't add up
to doodly-squat.

- What's up, Will?
- Hey, what's up?

- I got 100 Classics done.
- Set'em down.
Thank you.

- Yeah.
- How's it going?

- Nailing it.
- There's a reason why
I do all the hiring

and firing
around this joint.
Because I know people.

Everybody here
I have strategically placed

to do a job
or they're family.

Actually, most of them
are just family.

- Do you like it back there?
-I'm getting along with
the guys real well.

Rock 'n' roll.

Jase:
Oh, man.

- Fresh air.
- Grief.

-That's what I
needed was fresh air.
- That's for sure.

I don't understand
how somebody

hadn't knocked this guy's
teeth out before.

I'm ready to come out here
and scratch some gravel
with him.

Some dude getting
his windpipe ripped out

or something where he can't
talk, you know what I mean?

- Dismember him.
- I don't want to
dismember him.

- I just want—
-No, let me do it.
I'll do it.

Why?

I'll take all
the pressure off of ya.

- This is getting awkward.
- I guess till tomorrow.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Look who it is.

- Looky here.
- Oh, yeah, baby.

-Jase: Si.
- What about it, boys?

I have never been so happy
to see you in my entire life.

If it wouldn't be
so awkward, I would
actually give you a hug.

- That's how excited I am.
- What's he talking about?

-Come here. I am
gonna give you a hug.
- Whoa, whoa. Get back.

Come here, Si.
It's just good
to see you.

Y'all a dollar late—
a day late. That's late
and short.

You need to go meet
your replacement.

- Replacement?
- Yeah.

You boys ain't learned yet?
Y'all can't replace me.

- Well, you know what?
- I need to talk to Willie.

- He's talking to him now?
-Jase: Yeah, he's talking
to him now.

Si: /1 tell him,
he's probably going to
have to hire five people

- to take care of what I done.
- All right. Well, good luck.

Si:
Yu all right.
See you all boys later.

Rocking 'n' rolling, Swede.
You are churning them out.

- Well, actually—
- One at a time. Bang,
bang, bang,

- Hey, Willie.
- bang, bang, bang.

- I wanted to talk
to you about that.
- Excuse me.

- Hey, Si.
- Hey, Will.

I put in a hard day with Phil
and he said I had to ask
you to get paid.

- Paid for what?
- For working out there
with Phil.

Everything down there
is just for funsies.

Funsies don't pay
the bills, Jack.

- This is the guy you replaced.
- I don't know what he's been
telling you.

This is the most boring,

drudging, dull,
monotonous,

unappreciated job
there is around
this joint.

- Don't listen to him.
- You want some advice?

Get yourself
some thick, thick glasses

-'cause you gonna need them
looking at them reeds.
-Si.

My hands cramp up from back
there doing them reeds.

See this finger here?
That finger used to be
straight.

Si, your hands
are cramping up because
you're 100 years old.

Hey, I've been sitting on that
chair for about 10 years,

I got hemorrhoids
the size of golf balls.

- Si, please.
- See, I'll tell you
about that.

Swede, don't listen to him.
This is your job.

It has nothing to do with his
hemorrhoids or anything
he's talking about.

- You're the man for the job.
- Well, actually, that's what
I wanted to talk to you about.

Actually,
I'm quitting.

- Quitting?
- But I hope there's
no hard feelings.

- But you were crushing it.
-Yeah, I know. This isn't
for me, man.

I appreciate it, though.

- Do you believe this guy?
- Yeah, I believe him.

I got him right
where I want him now.

You seen the movie
“Negotiator,” okay?

- I need to get paid.
-Well, I just had a
position open up.

- What position?
- Chief reed maker.

You gotta admit,
that's the worst job
in this company.

- The most boring
and monotonous junk.
-I'll give you a raise.

- I can do that.
- All right.

- And I want an assistant.
- No.

I'll give you a raise.
I'm not giving you
an assistant.

- And a two-hour nap.
- No.

- Deal.
- Deal.

Si:
The one-hour nap
is in, right?

Willie:
Dude, you're getting
demanding in your old age.

Phil. Father, we thank you
for our good day. Thank you
for the good food

- Miss Kay has cooked
for us. Amen.
- All: Amen.

Phil:
I noticed that the macaroni
and cheese ended up

-in front of
the big ones down there.
- Miss Kay: Yes.

- Let's eat.
- Let's eat.

Willie's voice:
When it comes to
working with family,

Lord knows
it ain't always easy.

I've found that in life,
end to take

the people
closest to us for granted.

They're around so much,
we forget how much we
really need them.

I think the trick
to remembering

is to be away
for a while.

It always serves
as a good reminder

as to really how important
a person is.

Even if that person
is a kooky old fart.

-Willie: Si, no more quitting.
- Si: I'll agree with that

if one of these
idiots will give me
my tea glass back.

- Jase: Si we do not
have your tea glass.
- Si: Hey.