Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 2, Episode 12 - Drag Me to Glory - full transcript
(Phil)
Like a redneck obstacle
course around here.
(Si)
Oh yeah, yeah.
What are y'all
doing ?
We're gonna get this
old barbecue grill fired up.
Ha.
Well, it's been quite
a few moons
since I broken out
the old barbecue grill.
It ain't gonna blow up or
nothing, is it ?
That is a
good question there.
The last time I remember
smoking any meat,
Miss Kay was in bellbottoms
with a little girlish figure,
you know— Old Jase,
he was in diaper.
Old Richard Nixon was
getting on the airplane.
-Just hold on, Kay, we got
a barbecue coming.
- We got a barbecue coming.
This is it.
Barbecue.
If it won't crank,
hit it with a hammer.
That's it.
(Si)
we've always been
a fixer, me and Phil.
But hey, I must say, okay, it
was after we broke stuff.
A lot.
Oh, okay.
Well, y'all
definitely broke it.
That's for sure.
I think we need to just
go buy a new one.
It's a piece of junk.
The American way is,
one gets a little age on it,
throw it away and get
another one.
We didn't
need that anyway.
Not around my house.
Put that back in there.
Hey, put this back
in there.
Yeah.
We just keep dragging it out...
patching it up.
Hoorah.
Keeps going.
What do you think ?
( Miss Kay)
I think I better go get some
cold cuts ready,
that's what I think.
- That might be a pretty good idea.
- That might be a good idea.
Yeah, I think so.
♪ YOU'LL BE WALKIN' AROUND
♪ ALL OF YOUR LIFE
♪ THE BLOOD IN YOU BOILIN'
♪ THIS WAY ♪
♪
♪ YOU'LL BE WORKIN'
♪ AND SLAVIN'
♪ YOUR WHOLE LIFE AWAY ♪
♪
(man)
I heard
that song this morning.
That “Humps” song.
Hump song ?
I know which one you're
talking about.
My humps,
my lovely, lovely humps !
That's it.
What you gonna do with
all them humps ?
Humps, humps, my
lovely, lovely humps.
That's it, that's it.
That's it?
Got a good
drum beat to it.
- Oh yeah.
- It make you want to get up and move.
Oh yeah, yeah.
(Si)
Look here, of course I like
the Black Eyed Peas.
Hey, it makes me
hungry when I say the name,
because hey, you'd think
it was a dish.
But it ain't, it's a band.
Why would you listen to that
kind of music ?
I listen to all music.
It's how I stay on the
up and up, Jack.
You know, I—
I like all kinds of music.
Meatloaf,
the Cranberries, the Korn,
a little Salt'N Pepa
goes a long way.
And my personal
favorite, Ice-T.
That's good listening, man.
You know, and hey, it's good
for the brain, too.
Well...
- Good for the brain ?
- Yeah, it's good for the brain.
You could have fooled me.
It's brain food.
(Jase)
If music is good for the brain,
then it should
be painfully obvious
that whatever Si is
listening to...
My lovely, lovely humps !
It's not music.
At ease, gentlemen.
Hey, I'm
always at ease, Jack.
Jase, I need something
very important.
I need the best
duck call we got.
I want it engraved, just
with the number 15.
Number 157
One five.
I think I
know who that is.
If you guess it,
I'll tell you.
Daytona 500 ?
2007 ?
You're getting warm.
Dude comes sliding in
on his roof.
You're hot.
Clint Bowyer.
Or as they call him in
south Louisiana,
boy-ay.
Clint Boy-ay.
- That Boy-ay.
- He's coming to West Monroe.
-(man) He's coming here ?
- He's coming through.
Clint is one of my good friends
who's looking to develop
some land in
West Monroe for a racetrack.
I’m looking to get into a little
business of my own,
advertising Duck Commander
on his racecar.
(Si)
Who are
y'all talking about ?
We're talking about a NASCAR
driver, Clint Bowyer,
you know who that is.
No.
I thought you were up
on the latest trends.
You can sing humpty,
humpty dumpty
and you don't know
who Clint Bowyer is ?
When y'all said 15, I was
thinking so pro athlete.
( Everyone )
He is a pro athlete!
Hey, a car driver
ain't no athlete.
(everyone grumbling )
Look here, if it
wasn't for my trick knee,
I'd probably be playing in
the NBA right now.
I’m a pro athlete, then.
Aw, you've got
to be kidding me.
There was a time when
I would— Hey!
I would slam it
in your face, buddy.
I would slam it in
your mama's face !
What is wrong with you ?
Hey, I wanted to find out what
the big fuss about it is.
Guys, look, he's coming
today, so get it done.
Why don't I just
give it to him?
No.
I'll get y'all a signed
picture or something.
No, send him back to
the shop when he gets here.
Send him on back here.
- Uh, no.
- Hey, hey!
Before you go, I got
a question for you.
Is he bringing
his racecar with him ?
And can I drive it ?
I think that's a no.
Aight.
-
( Miss Kay)
Don't you let
Bubba come over here.
What're you doing,
Miss Kay ?
I’m trying to get rid
of these stupid anthills
and Jesse number four is over
here trying to eat this stuff.
It'll make him act funny but
it'd probably get his worms.
He's gonna wind up just
like Jesse three,
dead if he eats
any of this ant stuff.
(Phil)
Well, Miss Kay started the
naming every dog Jesse
when Jesse one died.
Miss Kay, what you gonna do
when Jesse number three dies ?
Jesse number four—
What do you think ?
She did have a little miscue,
because by Jesse number three,
the vet said he won't live, you
know, three weeks, he's gone.
She ever said, well, I'm
gonna get Jesse number four
before Jesse number three dies.
Well, the problem was,
he pulled through.
So she said,
I'll tell you what.
Let's just call him “Bobo”
until Jesse three dies.
Old Jesse number three has been
around here for 40 years,
Miss Kay.
And he's never
gonna die, that's right.
Women all have quirks,
hers is a dogs quirk.
I can live with it.
That grill's
still not fixed.
Well, Red's looking
for a hose.
Well, you know, I still have
a warranty on that thing.
Could you just take it back ?
What kind of trade could you
make me for a stunt like that ?
- A big banana pudding ?
- Maybe so.
Sound like a
pretty good trade to me.
Hey, Miss Kay wants
anew grill,
I get banana
pudding out of the deal ?
Everybody happy.
Banana pudding
and a little rough sex.
How about that ?
Please.
-
(Si)
Jump!
I got a bunch of pennies in
my pocket weighting me down.
( Martin)
I don't think it's
the pennies.
What are we doing out here ?
(Jase)
We waiting
on Clint Bowyer ?
He might be driving
in his racecar.
Willie, when'd he
say he gonna be here ?
He'll show up.
Clint's arrival is
taking its toll on Willie.
He's anxious, and he has
the right to be.
For West Monroe, this is big.
My hair messed up ?
What hair ?
(horn honking )
Is that him ?
(Willie )
Here we go, boys.
(Si)
Now we got something
going.
(Willie)
Who else would
Be in a camo limo?
A camo limo ?
- Sweet!
- See you, bro.
Like it,
like it, Clint.
That thing is like
a bug light for rednecks.
This is a redneck
dream car, son.
This is like, the coolest thing
I've ever seen in my life.
Pull inside,
let's look at this thing.
In my world, you
add camouflage to anything,
it immediately becomes cool.
( Godwin)
Okay, give him
some room, look out.
(Si)
Ease out of
the way, boys.
Hey, these boys
only go one way, fast.
(Jase)
That was impressive.
You turned right and
backed up.
Two things you never do.
Clint, I got you
a little something.
- Thanks, man.
- Duck call.
I actually made that,
but hey.
- He made it.
- I figured as much.
- It has even my number on it ?
- It's from us.
The right font.
Awesome, thank you.
All right, I'm starving.
-You wanna go eat ?
- Shoot, I thought you'd never ask.
Oh, yeah.
Barbecue ?
(all)
Yes.
(Si)
Barbecue it is.
Clint and I,
y'all gotta work.
Man, I brought a
limousine, for all of us.
He brought a limousine.
That's my man, there.
This is supposed
to be my time with Clint.
You paying ?
(Si)
Yeah, he's paying.
Yeah, that's what I'm
talking about ?
Hey, The CEO's buying.
I’m trying to
conduct business here.
Settle up, partner.
But the guys
are Clint blocking me.
( Martin)
Hey, what's the weight limit
on this thing ?
(Jase)
I think we're at it.
Are y'all holding on ?
(tires squealing )
(everyone talking excitedly)
( Martin)
Boy, she's got a little more
than I thought she did.
(Si)
It's a
right turn up there.
Hey!
-
(Jase)
I gotta know...
Daytona 500.
A scale
from one to 1,000.
How much fun was that when you
came skidding in...
That's too big
a scale, Jase.
- ...engulfed in flames.
- How much fun was it ?
It was zero point... zero.
- It was not fun at all.
- No.
But it did look cool.
Si, this ain't nonsense,
it really happened.
On the highway ?
- What ?
I wrecked my racecar.
-You're a race driver ?
- Yes.
Really ?
Si.
(Si)
I don't know what y'all
talking about.
Acting like it's a big deal
because, hey, I don't know
who Cliff Bowyer is.
- You flipped before ?
- No.
No.
There's 20 million
people in the world.
I'm supposed to know
about one.
I think a lot of duck hunters
are NASCAR fans, huh ?
Hopefully, all of them.
I've been thinking about getting
into the sponsorship side.
Yes.
How much is it ?
A half a million.
A year ?
-Per race?
- That's per race.
Per week.
(Willie)
Half a million
bucks for one race ?
Do I get to keep the car
when this is over ?
Hey, this is
a good investment.
Clint, how
long you in town for ?
Through the end of
the week.
Me and a group of investors,
we're actually looking to buy a
dirt track down the road here.
You wanna come out and
check it out.
I will.
I'll be there.
-Tomorrow ?
- Yes.
You're a
racecar driver ?
- Si, we've met before.
- Really ?
-
(Si)
Cut it.
Cut it back.
Go ahead, go ahead.
Perfect.
Perfect.
Right there ?
Mama mama.
( Miss Kay)
Oh, good lord.
Oh, that baby fit
right in there.
Oh, it fit like a glove.
That'll work.
Here's your warranty,
Mister.
Don't lose it.
I just hand them that and they
give me the new grill, right ?
Right.
All right, Si,
tie her down.
All right.
You got a new grill
coming.
Si, you always
gotta keep these women happy.
Oh, yeah.
Get that
banana pudding on.
-
All right, boys.
Thanks for coming,
man.
(Jase)
This is the perfect place.
For a new concession stand.
Chili dogs, baby.
That's great.
(horn honking )
What in the world ?
You have got to be
kidding me.
(Willie )
Feel the breeze, boys.
What have you done ?
Oh yeah'!
(Willie)
Hey, imitation is
the highest form of flattery.
Clint should be honored that
I copied his limo.
This one's different,
it has a sunroof.
Correction.
Improved upon his limo.
Oh, it is cool.
Where did you get
this thing ?
I leased it.
Where do you lease
a limousine.
I got a friend.
Did you lease the driver ?
No, I hired him.
Are you kidding me ?
I mean, you're gonna have to
take this thing back.
Clint's a friend and I respect
him as a professional driver,
but if he thinks
his celebrity status
is gonna get me to take
this car back,
he's got
another thing coming.
I ain't taking this
thing back.
There can only be
one camouflage limousine.
There's only one way
to settle this.
On the track.
-Jack.
- Yes.
No, we're not racing
nothing.
If you beat me in a race
on that drag strip,
I'll put your
name on my racecar.
Willie, if you lose, you're a
bearded pudgy guy
who is a copycat.
Race him.
Race him.
- Race him!
- Shut up.
But if you win, you're a bearded
pudgy guy with your image
on a NASCAR hood.
For free.
You're a professional
driver.
So is he.
He's retired.
Oh.
He's just
doing this on the side.
(Willie )
I have no idea why I wind up in
these situations all the time.
Probably because
we're just idiots.
Willie, if you win,
you'll be a legend.
And Jase.
Oh, crap.
Oh, here we go.
I know that response,
here we go.
Oh, you only live once.
(Phil)
All right, we're gonna see if
them jokers will give us—
See if| can get any money
back on this little trade.
Whoa now.
Where's the grill ?
- Did you tie it down ?
-Yeah, I tied it down.
What kind of knot
did you tie ?
Hey, I tied it down
with a double Windsor knot.
Piece of trash.
How could that
have happened ?
I don't know.
- And we not even know it ?
- Hey, somebody stole it.
That's what happened.
(Si)
It's possible that somebody
drove up beside us,
they was going
the same speed we are,
and, hey, two of them could
have just grabbed it,
set it in there,
picked up and went home.
It's possible.
That's a pretty good thief, he'd
steal it going down the road.
Hey, let me tell you.
In Nam—
Somebody stole my outer tire on
my two-and-a-half ton truck.
I never got
below ten miles an hour.
With a bunch of people sitting
in the back of that truck.
I walked around there and
looked, hey, it ain't nothing
but the lug nuts sticking out.
And I said, hey, y'all
didn't see nothing ?
And they said no.
Them boys
will steal your radio
and the music would
still be playing.
So hey, somebody
stealing a grill
out of the back of
the pickup ?
No problem.
That'd be a piece of cake.
Are you sure you tied
it down ?
No.
Telling stories, one of the best
there ever was, tying knots ?
Nope.
Ain't nothing
to do but to backtrack,
see if we can find
the doggone thing.
I bet it's a sight for
sore eyes Now.
I was gonna say...
They probably won't give
no refund now.
I doubt it.
Let's see
if we can find it.
What's left of it.
What kind of knot did
you tie ?
- Double Windsor.
- A double what ?
You got a point there.
(Phil)
I can't believe we didn't
hear it fall out.
I guess it's like
the tree in the forest...
So I’m driving along with old
Si, trying to find the grill
that blew out
of my pickup truck.
It's got to be around here
somewhere
or we're back
to the durn house.
Another day in the life.
I'm glad nobody was
behind us.
We might have
seen something there.
What's that up there ?
Well, that's something up there
on the side of the road.
- There that sucker is.
- Okay.
(Si)
We got lucky, finally.
And I can tell
you this.
Ain't no redneck
come by because, hey,
it wouldn't still be here.
Let's load that baby up— gonna
live to see another steak.
In this corner, we have a
professional racecar driver.
In this corner, a guy
named Willie.
I'm not doing this.
You gotta do it.
I’m letting
my driver drive.
- No.
- No, no, no, no, no.
I have what I think is
a newer limo.
Time to man up, big boy.
Ah...
And a stylish Don Johnson
sports coat of the same era.
Good luck, Willie.
Are you sure you don't
want to do this ?
No, I'd rather you do it.
This could be mine.
Aw.
Shoot.
Clint Bowyer's gonna be
choking in my dust.
I’m good.
I’m fixing to show you how
this is done, Willie.
Oh, whatever.
Changed my mind.
I don't want to do it.
(Jase)
Gentlemen!
It ends here!
(Jase)
On one hand, you have
Clint Bowyer.
He was born
to rule machines.
How'd you get your tires
to do that ?
It's a secret
of the pros, my friend.
On the other hand,
you have Willie.
He was born
to rule a desk.
Or a really nice couch.
Who is the greatest camouflage
limo driver ?
I’m your man.
Jase, I can't hear you.
It's settled right here,
right now.
I can't hear.
On your mark...
Get set...
Hit it, Emerson!
Hit it, Emerson!
For the love of humanity,
hit that, Emerson'!
Uh-oh,
uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh!
( Godwin)
Dang—
Oh, good night.
Here we go, Willie!
Ahhh!
Come on, Willie!
Who got it ?
I think it's the man
waving his arm.
Woohoo!
That would be the pro.
Clint.
Willie, you lost.
Hey!
(horn honking )
The winner, the winner.
Close, but you lost.
It wasn't so bad.
It was less than half a second.
But there can only
be one camo limousine.
I ain't taking this back.
We gotta take it back.
I’m hung—
You guys hungry ?
Hey, let's get back on
the barbecue.
Let's race,
first one to Phil's—
Say your goodbyes.
The race is over.
We're going to eat.
Let's go, Will,
come on.
(Willie )
At the end of
the day, Jase is right.
I lost by a fraction of a second
to one of the greats.
Emerson, let's go!
I’m coming.
There ain't no shame
in that game.
Did you win, Willie ?
Emerson... No!
(Phil)
Si, I think we did
the impossible.
- We brought it back.
- We brought it back.
Couldn't fix it, but hey,
we modified it.
Score one
for redneck ingenuity.
Hey, this is way better
than it was before.
Don't be stingy with
the lighter.
Aw, hey, I ain't
gonna be stingy with it.
We didn't need all them
gauges and tubes
and stuff
they had on it anyway.
There we go.
Aw, yeah.
- That's what I'm talking about.
- That's what I'm talking about.
You better believe it.
Hey, that thing
was about two steps away
from being a computer.
That's a good
cooking fire.
That looks
like the same grill.
Come here and look
at this.
You're gonna
like what you see.
And it works ?
Hey.
That's a good man.
Thank you,
sweetie.
(Phil)
Miss Kay's happy
because the grill is working.
I’m happy because I didn't
have to go to the store
and do all that warranty work.
Si's happy looking
at the flames.
Everybody happy, happy, happy.
( Miss Kay)
Give me a hug.
(Si)
Hey, look here.
Nothing goes better with a
little iced tea
than some fine barbecue
and I'm fixing to make
that happen...
(Si)
Hey, that's
some rib, Jack.
I can't wait to eat.
All right, Miss Kay, where's
that banana pudding ?
(Phil)
Lord, we thank you for
a good day on planet earth,
thank you for keeping
Willie safe.
Above all, Father, thank
you for the great hope we have.
In Jesus I pray.
Amen.
(all)
Amen.
(Willie )
Nothing brings
a redneck family together
faster than barbecue
and car races.
Just look at the infield
of a NASCAR event.
Unfortunately, not
all opportunities pay off.
Honestly, some are just too
expensive to pay for
and not worth the
trouble in the first place.
But the upside is, if you find
away to enjoy the ride,
where you end up ain't
all that important,
so long as it's
together with family.
And barbecue.
(Clint)
So Willie, how
does it feel to lose
a half-million-dollar
sponsorship ?
(Willie )
Oh, I got my sponsorship.
Check the front
of your limo.
Like a redneck obstacle
course around here.
(Si)
Oh yeah, yeah.
What are y'all
doing ?
We're gonna get this
old barbecue grill fired up.
Ha.
Well, it's been quite
a few moons
since I broken out
the old barbecue grill.
It ain't gonna blow up or
nothing, is it ?
That is a
good question there.
The last time I remember
smoking any meat,
Miss Kay was in bellbottoms
with a little girlish figure,
you know— Old Jase,
he was in diaper.
Old Richard Nixon was
getting on the airplane.
-Just hold on, Kay, we got
a barbecue coming.
- We got a barbecue coming.
This is it.
Barbecue.
If it won't crank,
hit it with a hammer.
That's it.
(Si)
we've always been
a fixer, me and Phil.
But hey, I must say, okay, it
was after we broke stuff.
A lot.
Oh, okay.
Well, y'all
definitely broke it.
That's for sure.
I think we need to just
go buy a new one.
It's a piece of junk.
The American way is,
one gets a little age on it,
throw it away and get
another one.
We didn't
need that anyway.
Not around my house.
Put that back in there.
Hey, put this back
in there.
Yeah.
We just keep dragging it out...
patching it up.
Hoorah.
Keeps going.
What do you think ?
( Miss Kay)
I think I better go get some
cold cuts ready,
that's what I think.
- That might be a pretty good idea.
- That might be a good idea.
Yeah, I think so.
♪ YOU'LL BE WALKIN' AROUND
♪ ALL OF YOUR LIFE
♪ THE BLOOD IN YOU BOILIN'
♪ THIS WAY ♪
♪
♪ YOU'LL BE WORKIN'
♪ AND SLAVIN'
♪ YOUR WHOLE LIFE AWAY ♪
♪
(man)
I heard
that song this morning.
That “Humps” song.
Hump song ?
I know which one you're
talking about.
My humps,
my lovely, lovely humps !
That's it.
What you gonna do with
all them humps ?
Humps, humps, my
lovely, lovely humps.
That's it, that's it.
That's it?
Got a good
drum beat to it.
- Oh yeah.
- It make you want to get up and move.
Oh yeah, yeah.
(Si)
Look here, of course I like
the Black Eyed Peas.
Hey, it makes me
hungry when I say the name,
because hey, you'd think
it was a dish.
But it ain't, it's a band.
Why would you listen to that
kind of music ?
I listen to all music.
It's how I stay on the
up and up, Jack.
You know, I—
I like all kinds of music.
Meatloaf,
the Cranberries, the Korn,
a little Salt'N Pepa
goes a long way.
And my personal
favorite, Ice-T.
That's good listening, man.
You know, and hey, it's good
for the brain, too.
Well...
- Good for the brain ?
- Yeah, it's good for the brain.
You could have fooled me.
It's brain food.
(Jase)
If music is good for the brain,
then it should
be painfully obvious
that whatever Si is
listening to...
My lovely, lovely humps !
It's not music.
At ease, gentlemen.
Hey, I'm
always at ease, Jack.
Jase, I need something
very important.
I need the best
duck call we got.
I want it engraved, just
with the number 15.
Number 157
One five.
I think I
know who that is.
If you guess it,
I'll tell you.
Daytona 500 ?
2007 ?
You're getting warm.
Dude comes sliding in
on his roof.
You're hot.
Clint Bowyer.
Or as they call him in
south Louisiana,
boy-ay.
Clint Boy-ay.
- That Boy-ay.
- He's coming to West Monroe.
-(man) He's coming here ?
- He's coming through.
Clint is one of my good friends
who's looking to develop
some land in
West Monroe for a racetrack.
I’m looking to get into a little
business of my own,
advertising Duck Commander
on his racecar.
(Si)
Who are
y'all talking about ?
We're talking about a NASCAR
driver, Clint Bowyer,
you know who that is.
No.
I thought you were up
on the latest trends.
You can sing humpty,
humpty dumpty
and you don't know
who Clint Bowyer is ?
When y'all said 15, I was
thinking so pro athlete.
( Everyone )
He is a pro athlete!
Hey, a car driver
ain't no athlete.
(everyone grumbling )
Look here, if it
wasn't for my trick knee,
I'd probably be playing in
the NBA right now.
I’m a pro athlete, then.
Aw, you've got
to be kidding me.
There was a time when
I would— Hey!
I would slam it
in your face, buddy.
I would slam it in
your mama's face !
What is wrong with you ?
Hey, I wanted to find out what
the big fuss about it is.
Guys, look, he's coming
today, so get it done.
Why don't I just
give it to him?
No.
I'll get y'all a signed
picture or something.
No, send him back to
the shop when he gets here.
Send him on back here.
- Uh, no.
- Hey, hey!
Before you go, I got
a question for you.
Is he bringing
his racecar with him ?
And can I drive it ?
I think that's a no.
Aight.
-
( Miss Kay)
Don't you let
Bubba come over here.
What're you doing,
Miss Kay ?
I’m trying to get rid
of these stupid anthills
and Jesse number four is over
here trying to eat this stuff.
It'll make him act funny but
it'd probably get his worms.
He's gonna wind up just
like Jesse three,
dead if he eats
any of this ant stuff.
(Phil)
Well, Miss Kay started the
naming every dog Jesse
when Jesse one died.
Miss Kay, what you gonna do
when Jesse number three dies ?
Jesse number four—
What do you think ?
She did have a little miscue,
because by Jesse number three,
the vet said he won't live, you
know, three weeks, he's gone.
She ever said, well, I'm
gonna get Jesse number four
before Jesse number three dies.
Well, the problem was,
he pulled through.
So she said,
I'll tell you what.
Let's just call him “Bobo”
until Jesse three dies.
Old Jesse number three has been
around here for 40 years,
Miss Kay.
And he's never
gonna die, that's right.
Women all have quirks,
hers is a dogs quirk.
I can live with it.
That grill's
still not fixed.
Well, Red's looking
for a hose.
Well, you know, I still have
a warranty on that thing.
Could you just take it back ?
What kind of trade could you
make me for a stunt like that ?
- A big banana pudding ?
- Maybe so.
Sound like a
pretty good trade to me.
Hey, Miss Kay wants
anew grill,
I get banana
pudding out of the deal ?
Everybody happy.
Banana pudding
and a little rough sex.
How about that ?
Please.
-
(Si)
Jump!
I got a bunch of pennies in
my pocket weighting me down.
( Martin)
I don't think it's
the pennies.
What are we doing out here ?
(Jase)
We waiting
on Clint Bowyer ?
He might be driving
in his racecar.
Willie, when'd he
say he gonna be here ?
He'll show up.
Clint's arrival is
taking its toll on Willie.
He's anxious, and he has
the right to be.
For West Monroe, this is big.
My hair messed up ?
What hair ?
(horn honking )
Is that him ?
(Willie )
Here we go, boys.
(Si)
Now we got something
going.
(Willie)
Who else would
Be in a camo limo?
A camo limo ?
- Sweet!
- See you, bro.
Like it,
like it, Clint.
That thing is like
a bug light for rednecks.
This is a redneck
dream car, son.
This is like, the coolest thing
I've ever seen in my life.
Pull inside,
let's look at this thing.
In my world, you
add camouflage to anything,
it immediately becomes cool.
( Godwin)
Okay, give him
some room, look out.
(Si)
Ease out of
the way, boys.
Hey, these boys
only go one way, fast.
(Jase)
That was impressive.
You turned right and
backed up.
Two things you never do.
Clint, I got you
a little something.
- Thanks, man.
- Duck call.
I actually made that,
but hey.
- He made it.
- I figured as much.
- It has even my number on it ?
- It's from us.
The right font.
Awesome, thank you.
All right, I'm starving.
-You wanna go eat ?
- Shoot, I thought you'd never ask.
Oh, yeah.
Barbecue ?
(all)
Yes.
(Si)
Barbecue it is.
Clint and I,
y'all gotta work.
Man, I brought a
limousine, for all of us.
He brought a limousine.
That's my man, there.
This is supposed
to be my time with Clint.
You paying ?
(Si)
Yeah, he's paying.
Yeah, that's what I'm
talking about ?
Hey, The CEO's buying.
I’m trying to
conduct business here.
Settle up, partner.
But the guys
are Clint blocking me.
( Martin)
Hey, what's the weight limit
on this thing ?
(Jase)
I think we're at it.
Are y'all holding on ?
(tires squealing )
(everyone talking excitedly)
( Martin)
Boy, she's got a little more
than I thought she did.
(Si)
It's a
right turn up there.
Hey!
-
(Jase)
I gotta know...
Daytona 500.
A scale
from one to 1,000.
How much fun was that when you
came skidding in...
That's too big
a scale, Jase.
- ...engulfed in flames.
- How much fun was it ?
It was zero point... zero.
- It was not fun at all.
- No.
But it did look cool.
Si, this ain't nonsense,
it really happened.
On the highway ?
- What ?
I wrecked my racecar.
-You're a race driver ?
- Yes.
Really ?
Si.
(Si)
I don't know what y'all
talking about.
Acting like it's a big deal
because, hey, I don't know
who Cliff Bowyer is.
- You flipped before ?
- No.
No.
There's 20 million
people in the world.
I'm supposed to know
about one.
I think a lot of duck hunters
are NASCAR fans, huh ?
Hopefully, all of them.
I've been thinking about getting
into the sponsorship side.
Yes.
How much is it ?
A half a million.
A year ?
-Per race?
- That's per race.
Per week.
(Willie)
Half a million
bucks for one race ?
Do I get to keep the car
when this is over ?
Hey, this is
a good investment.
Clint, how
long you in town for ?
Through the end of
the week.
Me and a group of investors,
we're actually looking to buy a
dirt track down the road here.
You wanna come out and
check it out.
I will.
I'll be there.
-Tomorrow ?
- Yes.
You're a
racecar driver ?
- Si, we've met before.
- Really ?
-
(Si)
Cut it.
Cut it back.
Go ahead, go ahead.
Perfect.
Perfect.
Right there ?
Mama mama.
( Miss Kay)
Oh, good lord.
Oh, that baby fit
right in there.
Oh, it fit like a glove.
That'll work.
Here's your warranty,
Mister.
Don't lose it.
I just hand them that and they
give me the new grill, right ?
Right.
All right, Si,
tie her down.
All right.
You got a new grill
coming.
Si, you always
gotta keep these women happy.
Oh, yeah.
Get that
banana pudding on.
-
All right, boys.
Thanks for coming,
man.
(Jase)
This is the perfect place.
For a new concession stand.
Chili dogs, baby.
That's great.
(horn honking )
What in the world ?
You have got to be
kidding me.
(Willie )
Feel the breeze, boys.
What have you done ?
Oh yeah'!
(Willie)
Hey, imitation is
the highest form of flattery.
Clint should be honored that
I copied his limo.
This one's different,
it has a sunroof.
Correction.
Improved upon his limo.
Oh, it is cool.
Where did you get
this thing ?
I leased it.
Where do you lease
a limousine.
I got a friend.
Did you lease the driver ?
No, I hired him.
Are you kidding me ?
I mean, you're gonna have to
take this thing back.
Clint's a friend and I respect
him as a professional driver,
but if he thinks
his celebrity status
is gonna get me to take
this car back,
he's got
another thing coming.
I ain't taking this
thing back.
There can only be
one camouflage limousine.
There's only one way
to settle this.
On the track.
-Jack.
- Yes.
No, we're not racing
nothing.
If you beat me in a race
on that drag strip,
I'll put your
name on my racecar.
Willie, if you lose, you're a
bearded pudgy guy
who is a copycat.
Race him.
Race him.
- Race him!
- Shut up.
But if you win, you're a bearded
pudgy guy with your image
on a NASCAR hood.
For free.
You're a professional
driver.
So is he.
He's retired.
Oh.
He's just
doing this on the side.
(Willie )
I have no idea why I wind up in
these situations all the time.
Probably because
we're just idiots.
Willie, if you win,
you'll be a legend.
And Jase.
Oh, crap.
Oh, here we go.
I know that response,
here we go.
Oh, you only live once.
(Phil)
All right, we're gonna see if
them jokers will give us—
See if| can get any money
back on this little trade.
Whoa now.
Where's the grill ?
- Did you tie it down ?
-Yeah, I tied it down.
What kind of knot
did you tie ?
Hey, I tied it down
with a double Windsor knot.
Piece of trash.
How could that
have happened ?
I don't know.
- And we not even know it ?
- Hey, somebody stole it.
That's what happened.
(Si)
It's possible that somebody
drove up beside us,
they was going
the same speed we are,
and, hey, two of them could
have just grabbed it,
set it in there,
picked up and went home.
It's possible.
That's a pretty good thief, he'd
steal it going down the road.
Hey, let me tell you.
In Nam—
Somebody stole my outer tire on
my two-and-a-half ton truck.
I never got
below ten miles an hour.
With a bunch of people sitting
in the back of that truck.
I walked around there and
looked, hey, it ain't nothing
but the lug nuts sticking out.
And I said, hey, y'all
didn't see nothing ?
And they said no.
Them boys
will steal your radio
and the music would
still be playing.
So hey, somebody
stealing a grill
out of the back of
the pickup ?
No problem.
That'd be a piece of cake.
Are you sure you tied
it down ?
No.
Telling stories, one of the best
there ever was, tying knots ?
Nope.
Ain't nothing
to do but to backtrack,
see if we can find
the doggone thing.
I bet it's a sight for
sore eyes Now.
I was gonna say...
They probably won't give
no refund now.
I doubt it.
Let's see
if we can find it.
What's left of it.
What kind of knot did
you tie ?
- Double Windsor.
- A double what ?
You got a point there.
(Phil)
I can't believe we didn't
hear it fall out.
I guess it's like
the tree in the forest...
So I’m driving along with old
Si, trying to find the grill
that blew out
of my pickup truck.
It's got to be around here
somewhere
or we're back
to the durn house.
Another day in the life.
I'm glad nobody was
behind us.
We might have
seen something there.
What's that up there ?
Well, that's something up there
on the side of the road.
- There that sucker is.
- Okay.
(Si)
We got lucky, finally.
And I can tell
you this.
Ain't no redneck
come by because, hey,
it wouldn't still be here.
Let's load that baby up— gonna
live to see another steak.
In this corner, we have a
professional racecar driver.
In this corner, a guy
named Willie.
I'm not doing this.
You gotta do it.
I’m letting
my driver drive.
- No.
- No, no, no, no, no.
I have what I think is
a newer limo.
Time to man up, big boy.
Ah...
And a stylish Don Johnson
sports coat of the same era.
Good luck, Willie.
Are you sure you don't
want to do this ?
No, I'd rather you do it.
This could be mine.
Aw.
Shoot.
Clint Bowyer's gonna be
choking in my dust.
I’m good.
I’m fixing to show you how
this is done, Willie.
Oh, whatever.
Changed my mind.
I don't want to do it.
(Jase)
Gentlemen!
It ends here!
(Jase)
On one hand, you have
Clint Bowyer.
He was born
to rule machines.
How'd you get your tires
to do that ?
It's a secret
of the pros, my friend.
On the other hand,
you have Willie.
He was born
to rule a desk.
Or a really nice couch.
Who is the greatest camouflage
limo driver ?
I’m your man.
Jase, I can't hear you.
It's settled right here,
right now.
I can't hear.
On your mark...
Get set...
Hit it, Emerson!
Hit it, Emerson!
For the love of humanity,
hit that, Emerson'!
Uh-oh,
uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh!
( Godwin)
Dang—
Oh, good night.
Here we go, Willie!
Ahhh!
Come on, Willie!
Who got it ?
I think it's the man
waving his arm.
Woohoo!
That would be the pro.
Clint.
Willie, you lost.
Hey!
(horn honking )
The winner, the winner.
Close, but you lost.
It wasn't so bad.
It was less than half a second.
But there can only
be one camo limousine.
I ain't taking this back.
We gotta take it back.
I’m hung—
You guys hungry ?
Hey, let's get back on
the barbecue.
Let's race,
first one to Phil's—
Say your goodbyes.
The race is over.
We're going to eat.
Let's go, Will,
come on.
(Willie )
At the end of
the day, Jase is right.
I lost by a fraction of a second
to one of the greats.
Emerson, let's go!
I’m coming.
There ain't no shame
in that game.
Did you win, Willie ?
Emerson... No!
(Phil)
Si, I think we did
the impossible.
- We brought it back.
- We brought it back.
Couldn't fix it, but hey,
we modified it.
Score one
for redneck ingenuity.
Hey, this is way better
than it was before.
Don't be stingy with
the lighter.
Aw, hey, I ain't
gonna be stingy with it.
We didn't need all them
gauges and tubes
and stuff
they had on it anyway.
There we go.
Aw, yeah.
- That's what I'm talking about.
- That's what I'm talking about.
You better believe it.
Hey, that thing
was about two steps away
from being a computer.
That's a good
cooking fire.
That looks
like the same grill.
Come here and look
at this.
You're gonna
like what you see.
And it works ?
Hey.
That's a good man.
Thank you,
sweetie.
(Phil)
Miss Kay's happy
because the grill is working.
I’m happy because I didn't
have to go to the store
and do all that warranty work.
Si's happy looking
at the flames.
Everybody happy, happy, happy.
( Miss Kay)
Give me a hug.
(Si)
Hey, look here.
Nothing goes better with a
little iced tea
than some fine barbecue
and I'm fixing to make
that happen...
(Si)
Hey, that's
some rib, Jack.
I can't wait to eat.
All right, Miss Kay, where's
that banana pudding ?
(Phil)
Lord, we thank you for
a good day on planet earth,
thank you for keeping
Willie safe.
Above all, Father, thank
you for the great hope we have.
In Jesus I pray.
Amen.
(all)
Amen.
(Willie )
Nothing brings
a redneck family together
faster than barbecue
and car races.
Just look at the infield
of a NASCAR event.
Unfortunately, not
all opportunities pay off.
Honestly, some are just too
expensive to pay for
and not worth the
trouble in the first place.
But the upside is, if you find
away to enjoy the ride,
where you end up ain't
all that important,
so long as it's
together with family.
And barbecue.
(Clint)
So Willie, how
does it feel to lose
a half-million-dollar
sponsorship ?
(Willie )
Oh, I got my sponsorship.
Check the front
of your limo.