Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 2, Episode 11 - Duck No, We Won't Go - full transcript
Jase:
I never figured out
them guys
who go to Italy
to run with the bulls.
- No, Spain.
- Spain, Italy.
It seems like
a thin line
between a matador
and a rodeo clown.
- What are they thinking?
- They're not thinking.
Why don't anybody
just jump on the thing
-and ride it down
to the finish line?
- That's what I'm talking about.
-Just spur him.
- That's what I’m saying.
(laughs)
- You got the wood duck
calls done?
- Nope.
We're waiting
on reeds from Si.
-Where is he?
- He's napping.
-Yup.
- It's the middle
of the day.
-Yup.
- My gosh.
I’m gettin' him.
Si has a condition.
He's a “redneckeleptic.”
-Si?
- It's kind of like
being a narcoleptic,
but instead of
falling asleep randomly,
he only falls asleep
when he's on the job.
- Hey!
- (snoring)
I just mention work
and you'd think I just shot him
with a horse tranquilizer.
He's out like a light.
('Snoring )
-Si!
- What?
-You're supposed
to be working.
- What do you mean?
- We're waiting
on reeds right now.
-Who is?
The company!
( Mutters)
Hey, look here.
Napping is just
like hunting.
You walk through
the warehouse, you look
over there—
hey, perfect spot.
Boom! I'm asleep.
-1"m not paying you
just to sleep.
-Who is?
- What?
- Hey.
- What are you yelling for?
- Si, you ain't working.
- Work, work, work.
You've shut all
the production down.
So get on up.
Let's get going.
- Be at the duck call room.
-I'll be therein
a few minutes.
Willie:
All right.
Work hard.
Nap hard.
Hey, that's what
I always say, Jack.
Willie:
Get your butt up.
Let's get to work.
Si: Give me
about 15 more minutes.
I'm dreaming about beavers.
(music playing)
♪ YOU'LL BE WALKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ ALL OF YOUR LIFE
♪ THE BLOOD IN YOU BOILIN'
♪ THIS WAY ♪
♪
♪ YOU'LL BE WORKIN'
♪ AND SLAVIN'
♪ YOUR WHOLE LIFE AWAY ♪
♪
Willie:
These guys just don't
take it seriously, you know?
That's part of
the growing business—
what I've had to deal with.
Well, that's where
I think I can help you,
Willie.
The key to it all
is evaluating every
avenue of production
and try to make things
flow together.
Since Duck Commander's
business is booming,
I brought in
a business consultant
- to help us maximize
our efficiency.
- (yells)
- Si: What /I'm talkin' 'bout.
- He's gonna have his hands full
with this bunch of slappies.
What are
y'all doing?
We're taking a break
because it's raining.
We're inside,
you idiot.
When it's raining,
people that work outside
take a break.
- But you're not
working outside.
-Jase: Yeah.
-You're working inside.
- I'm for equal opportunity
for everybody.
-Yeah.
-Si. Look, Willie,
it's not rocket science.
We're on a rain break.
You give it a few minutes,
the storm will pass,
then we'll
go back to work.
This is Dickie.
He's a business
consultant.
- He's gonna help us out
with some ideas.
- How you doing?
It's hard to take a man
seriously with the name
Dickie.
Richard's here
to make us more
efficient.
- We're gonna be
more productive.
- Efficient at what?
- Working!
- Working?
We're trying to make
this business better.
Jase:
When is Willie
gonna learn
that we are operating
under maximum efficiency?
This thing's over.
There's changes a-comin', son.
Jase:
You know,
when somebody says,
“Do your best.”
This is the best we got.
- You're finished.
Go back to work.
- Why don't you— hey.
- Why don't you
take a dunk at it?
-See if you can slam it.
Yeah,
here we go.
whoa!
Si:
He's gone crazy.
He's into soccer, man.
St
The boy's got
a pretty good leg.
Look at this.
Look at this.
- Look at this.
-It's too much.
- Look at it.
- Phil: Hey.
Now what am I
gonna do?
Kay:
Usually ! bring
my hot boudin
to the church
potluck dinner
and they stand
in line for "em.
It's supposed
to be 100 people,
but they didn't eat.
Kay:
I've never had
such a problem
getting people
to eat my boudin.
Must be skinny girls—
all they're worried about
is if they gain an ounce.
You know, I think
you could take a couple
of these trays.
No.
You need
sausage, honey.
Well, the reason y'all had
all that boudin left—
these skinny girls,
they don't eat boudin.
- I eat everything.
- Hey.
Phil:
I can eat four
or five pounds of boudin
in just one sitting,
Just about.
It literally
is better than sex...
when you're my age.
You like a good,
healthy woman like me,
don't you?
Hey, I like a woman
who's got a little meat
on her bones.
Phil:
Sex or boudin, honey?
Uh...
Jet's go with boudin.
Hey, good call.
What are you gonna do,
give it away?
Gotta do something.
This is ridiculous.
My friend has an old truck
that we could serve out of.
What is it,
an 18-wheeler or some kind
of big rig or what?
No, it was an ice cream
truck that she converted
to sell food out of.
- It's perfect.
-I like it, I like it.
- Jessica: There you go.
- I have one question.
I know this is
a crazy question.
Who's gonna drive the truck?
I’m thinking
about you.
So what do I get
out of this deal?
Kay:
All the boudin
you can eat
and I might even
give you some
kisses later.
- What about that?
- Now that might work
right there.
One of them
backroom meetings.
- I like it, Miss Kay.
- Thank you.
Phil
I'll get my money's worth
before this day's over.
- What's up, guys?
-Jase: What's up with this?
- What is this crap here?
- Just have a seat, Si.
Willie:
I wanted to call
a meeting about the rules
of the workplace
and efficiency.
This is what we need
to bring us together.
I’m excited about it,
and I think they're
gonna like it.
“Employees' rules
and regulations,
policies and procedures,”
and other stuff to
control you.
Si, sit down.
We're gonna talk
about it in a second.
You done
lost your mind.
Look here.
The Vietcong had a bunch of
rules and regulations, too.
You see how that ended.
Bah-woom!
Talkin"bout—
that's what I'm talkin' "bout.
What did you do
with our food room here?
This ain't the food room,
it's the conference room.
It was the food room.
Where we took our
breaks to eat.
Yeah, and all
your food has been dumped
in the garbage.
- Believe me,
I cleared it out.
- (chuckles)
What?
I knew this was
a bunch of crap.
We lost our eating place.
Now we done lost our
refrigerator, too.
I had a ham sandwich
in there.
That's been—
yeah, that's gone.
- Godwin: Where we gonna eat at?
- Willie: We're not eating
right now.
We're having a meeting
about teamwork.
And, by the way,
I do have
some awesome,
new, free
uniforms.
This is not
a beauty contest.
Do we look like
beauty contestants to you?
Hey, I'm putting lipstick
on the pig, so...
-You're putting
lipstick—what?
- Yeah.
You can wear lipstick
if you want to.
This is not
Barbie and Ken
that you're playing with
back here, okay?
Quit trying
to dress me up.
The only way that I would
wear that is if I was dead
- and you put that on me before
you put me in the ground.
- And bury him.
You will wear these
or I'll dock your pay.
Jase:
I feel like if] put
these clothes on,
I’m gonna look like
a vacuum cleaner salesman.
I'm not doing it.
I'll tell you that
right now.
I ain't asking permission.
We doing it, all right?
- Team uniforms.
- We make duck calls.
- Quack, quack.
- That's it. Quack, quack.
Put your
uniforms on, boys.
Martin:
Does that shirt
have a collar on it?
I don't have a neck.
That don't work.
Jase: Si, now I see
why you've worn that
ponytail all these years.
Martin: Si been wearing
that ponytail to look
more professional.
- Si's got a rattail.
- Martin: He got a squirreltail
back there.
- Si: Hey, that's it.
- Godwin: Squirreltail.
- What are y'all doing?
- Si: Working.
-Jase: Working?
- Yeah.
I cannot believe
y'all put those
uniforms on.
Pathetic.
You think that
you're working with men.
This is ridiculous.
You're not gonna
pay me enough money
to wear something
that I would only wear
if I were dead.
And that's because
I would have no choice
in the matter.
Jase:
Jep. you look feminine.
- You actually look feminine.
- I'm just trying to look
professional, man.
-Si...?
- Hey.
You look like
you're headed toward
your own funeral.
-I don't like it.
- Hey, wearing this uniform
makes me want
to kick my own butt.
This has gone way,
way, way
too far.
Nerd alert,
and, hey, I'm it.
You think these uniforms
are bad?
He took the doggone rim
off our basketball goal.
- Huh?
- Not a fan.
I want my hoop back.
“Warden Willie”
at it again.
I can't work
in this environment.
He's trying
to cause a riot.
- Hey-hey-hey.
- (duck call squeals
Willie:
Y'all look awesome.
- Godwin, smoking.
- I can't breathe.
You look good, though.
What's up with this crap?
Willie:
Well if it isn't
my wayward brother Jase.
Who, apparently,
is hearing-impaired as well.
All right, Jase, here you go.
I'll sign it for you.
Jase, go get
your uniform.
I am not wearing
a uniform, ever.
All right,
I'm docking your pay.
All right,
dock my pay.
Okay, you want to play
the corporate game
and act like we don't
know each other—
I'll play that game.
You wanna go
corporate America on us,
-then we'll just go on strike.
- (laughs )
I'm walking out this door
and I’m not coming back.
I’m with Jase on this
and that's historic.
Jep:
We finito. Finished.
I’m walking out.
- Hey.
-Si: I ain't gonna
do it anymore.
- Godwin: That was
my ham sandwich.
- Willie: / don't need y'all.
I can build my own
frickin' duck calls.
If y’all can do it,
anybody can do it.
Jessica:
Phil, Miss Kay?
- Kay: Hey.
- Jessica: Hey, hey, hey.
- Check this out.
- (gasps)
Oh, my goodness.
Look at that.
- Phil: Boudin bus.
- That is amazing.
-You like these?
- I love 'em!
- Don't you love 'em?
-Oh, I'm all fired up.
At 50 I would've said,
“No, you ain't getting me
on no food truck.”
- Boy, this is a pretty
snazzy-looking little rig.
- Kay: Oh, my goodness.
But at 66...
okay, let's go riding
on the food truck.
- Pretty cool.
- Phil: My manhood
/5 not gone yet,
but the food truck—
you're going that way.
Citizens of West Monroe,
Miss Kay's boudin.
Get it while it lasts.
I'm not a eunuch,
but I'm getting close.
Everything is perfect.
Let's go grab the food
and grab your shirts.
- Hey, let's go with it.
- Let's go for it.
- Phil: I like it.
- Kay: Come on, Bobo.
You can go with us.
Jase:
We're fixed to bring
Duck Commander
and Willie
to their knees.
- Martin. Mm-hmm.
- Looky there.
Martin:
Godwin, that's not
how you spell “sandwich.”
We're trying to come together.
Big and small.
- Dumb and smart.
- Gimme my “samitch.”
- St “Samitch.”
- Mainly dumb.
- Jase: These uniforms suck.
- Si: That's right.
We're sticking this out
because Willie's wrong.
♪ I don't know,
but I've been told »
All:
♪ I don't know,
but I've been told »
♪ These uniforms suck,
there ain't no doubt
about it
All: ♪ These uniforms suck,
there ain't no doubt
about it
Si:
< I'M gonna wipe
my feet on it
- (laughs)
-Jase: What I'd rather do
is go hunting in protest,
but I'm trying to teach
Willie a lesson.
I do not submit
to stupidity.
- Si: What do you want anyway?
- Martin: No, no. Not what
do they want,
- what do
we want.
- All right.
This will be
a fun venture today.
-Is this better
than a day at the land?
- No.
Well, Boudin Buggy
coming down the road.
All right, I see some kids
right here, Kay.
You might make
a sale right here.
Phil:
My job and Miss Kay's job
is to enlighten
the yuppie world.
Boudin has come
to the subdivision.
- (horn honks )
- Girl: Ice cream!
Ice cream! Ice cream!
Ice cream!
Ice cream!
-Jessica:
No ice cream. Boudin.
- Boudin?
These yuppie kids
don't know what
boudin is.
-What's in it?
-It's hog guts full of rice
and some seasoning.
- Get you some of it.
- All: Ugh.
Phil:
These days—
show the yuppie kids
a hog liver,
and they're like, “Whoa.”
Hey, it's hot,
it's fast, it's cheap.
Skinny ones in the front,
fat ones in the back.
- Let's go!
- No, no.
- I wanted ice cream.
- Phil: Them yuppie kids
ain't hungry enough.
- That's their problem.
- Phil: Yuppie kids are missing
out and don't even know it.
Move on, nerds.
Moving on, yuppie kids.
-Jase: They may take
our basketball goals.
- Yeah.
- They may take our paycheck.
- Martin: Already done it.
But they'll never
take our freedom!
- That's what
I’m talking about, Jack!
- (horn honking )
People are honking.
We've got our signs.
We're getting
our message out.
I feel like I'm making
a difference in this world.
- Martin:
I'm ready to fight now.
- Hey, that makes two of us.
(chuckling )
- This is stupid.
- Your policies are stupid.
-Mm-hmm.
-Jase, this ain't funny.
- Get your butt back to work.
- Si: Work, work, work.
Nobody
takes time to stop
and smell the roses.
Hey, so, Jack,
we're smelling the roses.
Si:
I'm gonna tell you
from personal experience.
One time I was
smelling the roses,
a big bumblebee
stung me on the nose.
So, hey,
from then on—
look here, you can smell
the roses, but, hey,
smell them quick
or a bumblebee's
liable to nail you.
Here's the deal.
Let's call a truce.
You ready to call
the uniform idea?
- No.
-You gonna put my rim
back on the basketball goal?
- No.
-You gonna fire
the business consultant?
- Nope.
- Forget it.
- Nope.
- Hit the road, Jack.
- Willie: Hey.
- And don't come back no more,
no more, NO More, No more,
no more, no more,
no more, Jack.
- Boy, that's two
Jacks in that statement.
- That's what I'm talking "bout.
I'll have you replaced
by the end of the day.
- Good luck on that.
- Call your wives,
call your kids.
You ain't gettin'
a paycheck, boys.
I’m the boss.
What I say goes.
No questions asked.
I lay down the law.
I am
the law.
You look like the redneck
Don Johnson to me.
- (laughs )
- Si: That's it, Jack.
- Dang it.
- Martin: What's wrong?
You need a key?
Si:
Houston,
we have a problem.
I really gotta put
a handle on that door.
- The walk of shame.
- Willie: Cool inside, suckers.
- Jase: So what do we want?
- Martin: Basketball!
- Respect!
- When do we want it?
- Immediately!
- Soon!
- Hey!
- (crow caws )
We've got some
organizational issues.
What do we want?
We've got a problem
with articulation.
Ham “samitch.”
But we're united.
- Hey, I'm hungry.
- You doggone right.
I'll call Jessica
and get her up here.
-They're selling
boudin, I think.
- Boudin?
- Yeah.
- That's my favorite food.
I'll call her
and get her up here.
I’m actually
pretty hungry myself.
All:
Call her!
Jase:
That's all we need
is freedom and boudin.
Hey, babe.
Hey, we're up here
striking at work.
Can you bring
that boudin
up here?
- Si: A bunch of it.
- A bunch of it.
- About 10 pounds' worth.
- All of it.
Okay. All right, bye.
She's coming.
- That's what I'm talking about.
- Look here, boys.
I’m fixin' to sit down
in the shade over here
till Jessica gets up here
with the boudin.
-Jase: Si we're striking.
-Si: /am, too, till] get
some food.
- Willie.
- Willie: Hey.
- What are you doing?
-I'm on fire.
You can't put
all these duck calls
together by yourself.
I am putting all these
duck calls together
by myself.
I’m not gonna let
these idiots stop production.
That's exactly what
they want to happen.
- Seriously?
- Willie: I need to do
is show them I can build
duck calls without them
and they'll come
crawling back.
(bleats )
-That's not what it's
supposed to sound like.
- No?
(spurts)
- That's something.
- That's not a duck.
-I'm fine.
I am fine as wine.
- Seriously?
That there is what
they call a “redneck chariot.”
- Martin: Bring on the boudin.
- Jessica: Miss Kay's hot boudin
coming through.
- Si: Okay.
- Look at all them good-looking
bearded men right there.
- Si: Uh-huh.
- Pull on right in here.
Si:
That's it.
The cavalry has arrived.
Hallelujah, boys.
It's boudin time.
- Phil: What's all the signs?
- We on strike.
Jase:
Let me tell you
what your son implemented.
He had a rulebook
about that thick.
He then brought out
various uniforms
and acted like—
that I was fixed
to put one on.
I’m with you on
no suits, no uniforms.
- I'm with you on that.
- But Daddy will wear
my shirt, won't he?
Jase:
This is embarrassing.
I’m thinking at least
my dad will understand
where I’m coming from.
And then I look
at him and think,
“We have a problem.”
I figured the beard
was a dead giveaway
- that I’m a grown man.
- Not really.
I’m not gonna
put up with stupidity
-and I’m not gonna
be treated like I'm six.
- Kay: You're acting like kids.
I’m gonna get Korie,
I'm gonna get a bow!
of boudin,
and we're gonna
settle this. Now.
Phil
It'd be best if you
listen to your mother.
She's given you good,
sound, kind, gentle,
motherly advice.
- I would take that advice.
- If he's willing
to compromise.
- No lip.
- But if you don't
take that advice,
then you've got to deal
with me and I'll tear
your butt up.
I’m not wearing
a uniform.
- Phil: Sic 'em, Miss Kay.
- It's your call.
Boys, let me
tell you something.
Miss Kay bore
all four of those
boys of mine,
and when I saw 'em
come forth from her loins—
the first thing
that struck me
is a woman's
a lot tougher than
I thought they were.
And the second thing
that struck me
is my sex life
is over as I know it.
(laughter)
Man, I was about to ask
where the boudin was.
Yeah, yeah. No.
Good grief. Hey.
Phil done killed
my appetite.
You know,
I'd-a probably
threw my boudin sausage
up anyway.
Having said that,
I salute women worldwide.
That's it.
I think
he's coming.
This is stupid.
- Don't make a face.
- You got Mom involved
in this now?
- You better believe it.
- Willie: Let me tell you
something.
Mom's sweet
and everything,
but when it comes to us,
she will kick us in the...
Willie, I've been trying
to handle y'all for years.
Korie:
Come on, Willie.
Work it out.
- Well, tell him
he's being ridiculous.
- He's being ridiculous.
- I’m outta here.
- No, you're not.
You're gonna grow up
and act like the man
you are.
And you're gonna grow up
and act like the man you are.
There's
got to be some
give-and-take here.
Put the basketball
goal back up.
- No slam dunk contest.
- What?!
When we have
a big order to fill.
- All right.
- Don't take four
lunch breaks a day.
Okay.
And no rulebooks.
No megaphones.
- Okay.
- Now you both
say you're sorry.
- Ha!
-Yes, you are.
- And you are.
- Korie: Al/ right,
say it together.
-Come on, y'all can do this.
- Do not laugh.
-I'm sorta sorry.
-Willie: / apologize.
- He said “sorta.”
- I didn't lose.
This doesn't mean I lose.
Hey, I ain't saying
I’m wrong,
but if a basketball
hoop can keep me out
of the duck call room,
it's worth it.
- Pitiful, but come on.
- Hey, I count that.
-I'm not hugging.
- Yeah, you are.
I ain't
hugging him.
I've always made the boys
hug in the past and they
always make up.
- Korie: Give your
brother a hug.
- Stop touching me.
This is gonna set 'em
straight or I’m gonna
get the wooden spoon.
- Stop touching me.
- Now don't we love each other?
Aw, yes,
we do.
All's well that ends well.
- Yeah, he said he's sorry.
-I said I'm sorta sorry.
Sorry like
a sorry turd.
- Kay: Let's eat.
- Willie: It's the truth—
I’m sick of making duck calls.
Korie:
Jase, that megaphone
is annoying.
Jase:
But I love the megaphone.
Willie: Running the Robertson
family business is all
about give and take.
I give them a few
duck calls to make,
and I take
a lot of crap for it.
Folks, let's bow.
Father, we thank You
for another good day.
Thank You for the food
You bless us with.
I pray, Father,
that You help us be patient,
- especially with
each other. Amen.
- All: Amen.
But as with all families,
there will always be protest
and demands.
Like “let me
dress like a hobo,”
and “give me
my samitch.”
When push comes to shove,
we usually find a way to
reach an agreement.
Otherwise Miss Kay
will slap you right
upside your face.
(Jase over megaphone )
Willie, pass me some
more boudin.
- Willie: Mom, tell him we
weren't doing that anymore.
- Kay: Shut up!
I never figured out
them guys
who go to Italy
to run with the bulls.
- No, Spain.
- Spain, Italy.
It seems like
a thin line
between a matador
and a rodeo clown.
- What are they thinking?
- They're not thinking.
Why don't anybody
just jump on the thing
-and ride it down
to the finish line?
- That's what I'm talking about.
-Just spur him.
- That's what I’m saying.
(laughs)
- You got the wood duck
calls done?
- Nope.
We're waiting
on reeds from Si.
-Where is he?
- He's napping.
-Yup.
- It's the middle
of the day.
-Yup.
- My gosh.
I’m gettin' him.
Si has a condition.
He's a “redneckeleptic.”
-Si?
- It's kind of like
being a narcoleptic,
but instead of
falling asleep randomly,
he only falls asleep
when he's on the job.
- Hey!
- (snoring)
I just mention work
and you'd think I just shot him
with a horse tranquilizer.
He's out like a light.
('Snoring )
-Si!
- What?
-You're supposed
to be working.
- What do you mean?
- We're waiting
on reeds right now.
-Who is?
The company!
( Mutters)
Hey, look here.
Napping is just
like hunting.
You walk through
the warehouse, you look
over there—
hey, perfect spot.
Boom! I'm asleep.
-1"m not paying you
just to sleep.
-Who is?
- What?
- Hey.
- What are you yelling for?
- Si, you ain't working.
- Work, work, work.
You've shut all
the production down.
So get on up.
Let's get going.
- Be at the duck call room.
-I'll be therein
a few minutes.
Willie:
All right.
Work hard.
Nap hard.
Hey, that's what
I always say, Jack.
Willie:
Get your butt up.
Let's get to work.
Si: Give me
about 15 more minutes.
I'm dreaming about beavers.
(music playing)
♪ YOU'LL BE WALKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ ALL OF YOUR LIFE
♪ THE BLOOD IN YOU BOILIN'
♪ THIS WAY ♪
♪
♪ YOU'LL BE WORKIN'
♪ AND SLAVIN'
♪ YOUR WHOLE LIFE AWAY ♪
♪
Willie:
These guys just don't
take it seriously, you know?
That's part of
the growing business—
what I've had to deal with.
Well, that's where
I think I can help you,
Willie.
The key to it all
is evaluating every
avenue of production
and try to make things
flow together.
Since Duck Commander's
business is booming,
I brought in
a business consultant
- to help us maximize
our efficiency.
- (yells)
- Si: What /I'm talkin' 'bout.
- He's gonna have his hands full
with this bunch of slappies.
What are
y'all doing?
We're taking a break
because it's raining.
We're inside,
you idiot.
When it's raining,
people that work outside
take a break.
- But you're not
working outside.
-Jase: Yeah.
-You're working inside.
- I'm for equal opportunity
for everybody.
-Yeah.
-Si. Look, Willie,
it's not rocket science.
We're on a rain break.
You give it a few minutes,
the storm will pass,
then we'll
go back to work.
This is Dickie.
He's a business
consultant.
- He's gonna help us out
with some ideas.
- How you doing?
It's hard to take a man
seriously with the name
Dickie.
Richard's here
to make us more
efficient.
- We're gonna be
more productive.
- Efficient at what?
- Working!
- Working?
We're trying to make
this business better.
Jase:
When is Willie
gonna learn
that we are operating
under maximum efficiency?
This thing's over.
There's changes a-comin', son.
Jase:
You know,
when somebody says,
“Do your best.”
This is the best we got.
- You're finished.
Go back to work.
- Why don't you— hey.
- Why don't you
take a dunk at it?
-See if you can slam it.
Yeah,
here we go.
whoa!
Si:
He's gone crazy.
He's into soccer, man.
St
The boy's got
a pretty good leg.
Look at this.
Look at this.
- Look at this.
-It's too much.
- Look at it.
- Phil: Hey.
Now what am I
gonna do?
Kay:
Usually ! bring
my hot boudin
to the church
potluck dinner
and they stand
in line for "em.
It's supposed
to be 100 people,
but they didn't eat.
Kay:
I've never had
such a problem
getting people
to eat my boudin.
Must be skinny girls—
all they're worried about
is if they gain an ounce.
You know, I think
you could take a couple
of these trays.
No.
You need
sausage, honey.
Well, the reason y'all had
all that boudin left—
these skinny girls,
they don't eat boudin.
- I eat everything.
- Hey.
Phil:
I can eat four
or five pounds of boudin
in just one sitting,
Just about.
It literally
is better than sex...
when you're my age.
You like a good,
healthy woman like me,
don't you?
Hey, I like a woman
who's got a little meat
on her bones.
Phil:
Sex or boudin, honey?
Uh...
Jet's go with boudin.
Hey, good call.
What are you gonna do,
give it away?
Gotta do something.
This is ridiculous.
My friend has an old truck
that we could serve out of.
What is it,
an 18-wheeler or some kind
of big rig or what?
No, it was an ice cream
truck that she converted
to sell food out of.
- It's perfect.
-I like it, I like it.
- Jessica: There you go.
- I have one question.
I know this is
a crazy question.
Who's gonna drive the truck?
I’m thinking
about you.
So what do I get
out of this deal?
Kay:
All the boudin
you can eat
and I might even
give you some
kisses later.
- What about that?
- Now that might work
right there.
One of them
backroom meetings.
- I like it, Miss Kay.
- Thank you.
Phil
I'll get my money's worth
before this day's over.
- What's up, guys?
-Jase: What's up with this?
- What is this crap here?
- Just have a seat, Si.
Willie:
I wanted to call
a meeting about the rules
of the workplace
and efficiency.
This is what we need
to bring us together.
I’m excited about it,
and I think they're
gonna like it.
“Employees' rules
and regulations,
policies and procedures,”
and other stuff to
control you.
Si, sit down.
We're gonna talk
about it in a second.
You done
lost your mind.
Look here.
The Vietcong had a bunch of
rules and regulations, too.
You see how that ended.
Bah-woom!
Talkin"bout—
that's what I'm talkin' "bout.
What did you do
with our food room here?
This ain't the food room,
it's the conference room.
It was the food room.
Where we took our
breaks to eat.
Yeah, and all
your food has been dumped
in the garbage.
- Believe me,
I cleared it out.
- (chuckles)
What?
I knew this was
a bunch of crap.
We lost our eating place.
Now we done lost our
refrigerator, too.
I had a ham sandwich
in there.
That's been—
yeah, that's gone.
- Godwin: Where we gonna eat at?
- Willie: We're not eating
right now.
We're having a meeting
about teamwork.
And, by the way,
I do have
some awesome,
new, free
uniforms.
This is not
a beauty contest.
Do we look like
beauty contestants to you?
Hey, I'm putting lipstick
on the pig, so...
-You're putting
lipstick—what?
- Yeah.
You can wear lipstick
if you want to.
This is not
Barbie and Ken
that you're playing with
back here, okay?
Quit trying
to dress me up.
The only way that I would
wear that is if I was dead
- and you put that on me before
you put me in the ground.
- And bury him.
You will wear these
or I'll dock your pay.
Jase:
I feel like if] put
these clothes on,
I’m gonna look like
a vacuum cleaner salesman.
I'm not doing it.
I'll tell you that
right now.
I ain't asking permission.
We doing it, all right?
- Team uniforms.
- We make duck calls.
- Quack, quack.
- That's it. Quack, quack.
Put your
uniforms on, boys.
Martin:
Does that shirt
have a collar on it?
I don't have a neck.
That don't work.
Jase: Si, now I see
why you've worn that
ponytail all these years.
Martin: Si been wearing
that ponytail to look
more professional.
- Si's got a rattail.
- Martin: He got a squirreltail
back there.
- Si: Hey, that's it.
- Godwin: Squirreltail.
- What are y'all doing?
- Si: Working.
-Jase: Working?
- Yeah.
I cannot believe
y'all put those
uniforms on.
Pathetic.
You think that
you're working with men.
This is ridiculous.
You're not gonna
pay me enough money
to wear something
that I would only wear
if I were dead.
And that's because
I would have no choice
in the matter.
Jase:
Jep. you look feminine.
- You actually look feminine.
- I'm just trying to look
professional, man.
-Si...?
- Hey.
You look like
you're headed toward
your own funeral.
-I don't like it.
- Hey, wearing this uniform
makes me want
to kick my own butt.
This has gone way,
way, way
too far.
Nerd alert,
and, hey, I'm it.
You think these uniforms
are bad?
He took the doggone rim
off our basketball goal.
- Huh?
- Not a fan.
I want my hoop back.
“Warden Willie”
at it again.
I can't work
in this environment.
He's trying
to cause a riot.
- Hey-hey-hey.
- (duck call squeals
Willie:
Y'all look awesome.
- Godwin, smoking.
- I can't breathe.
You look good, though.
What's up with this crap?
Willie:
Well if it isn't
my wayward brother Jase.
Who, apparently,
is hearing-impaired as well.
All right, Jase, here you go.
I'll sign it for you.
Jase, go get
your uniform.
I am not wearing
a uniform, ever.
All right,
I'm docking your pay.
All right,
dock my pay.
Okay, you want to play
the corporate game
and act like we don't
know each other—
I'll play that game.
You wanna go
corporate America on us,
-then we'll just go on strike.
- (laughs )
I'm walking out this door
and I’m not coming back.
I’m with Jase on this
and that's historic.
Jep:
We finito. Finished.
I’m walking out.
- Hey.
-Si: I ain't gonna
do it anymore.
- Godwin: That was
my ham sandwich.
- Willie: / don't need y'all.
I can build my own
frickin' duck calls.
If y’all can do it,
anybody can do it.
Jessica:
Phil, Miss Kay?
- Kay: Hey.
- Jessica: Hey, hey, hey.
- Check this out.
- (gasps)
Oh, my goodness.
Look at that.
- Phil: Boudin bus.
- That is amazing.
-You like these?
- I love 'em!
- Don't you love 'em?
-Oh, I'm all fired up.
At 50 I would've said,
“No, you ain't getting me
on no food truck.”
- Boy, this is a pretty
snazzy-looking little rig.
- Kay: Oh, my goodness.
But at 66...
okay, let's go riding
on the food truck.
- Pretty cool.
- Phil: My manhood
/5 not gone yet,
but the food truck—
you're going that way.
Citizens of West Monroe,
Miss Kay's boudin.
Get it while it lasts.
I'm not a eunuch,
but I'm getting close.
Everything is perfect.
Let's go grab the food
and grab your shirts.
- Hey, let's go with it.
- Let's go for it.
- Phil: I like it.
- Kay: Come on, Bobo.
You can go with us.
Jase:
We're fixed to bring
Duck Commander
and Willie
to their knees.
- Martin. Mm-hmm.
- Looky there.
Martin:
Godwin, that's not
how you spell “sandwich.”
We're trying to come together.
Big and small.
- Dumb and smart.
- Gimme my “samitch.”
- St “Samitch.”
- Mainly dumb.
- Jase: These uniforms suck.
- Si: That's right.
We're sticking this out
because Willie's wrong.
♪ I don't know,
but I've been told »
All:
♪ I don't know,
but I've been told »
♪ These uniforms suck,
there ain't no doubt
about it
All: ♪ These uniforms suck,
there ain't no doubt
about it
Si:
< I'M gonna wipe
my feet on it
- (laughs)
-Jase: What I'd rather do
is go hunting in protest,
but I'm trying to teach
Willie a lesson.
I do not submit
to stupidity.
- Si: What do you want anyway?
- Martin: No, no. Not what
do they want,
- what do
we want.
- All right.
This will be
a fun venture today.
-Is this better
than a day at the land?
- No.
Well, Boudin Buggy
coming down the road.
All right, I see some kids
right here, Kay.
You might make
a sale right here.
Phil:
My job and Miss Kay's job
is to enlighten
the yuppie world.
Boudin has come
to the subdivision.
- (horn honks )
- Girl: Ice cream!
Ice cream! Ice cream!
Ice cream!
Ice cream!
-Jessica:
No ice cream. Boudin.
- Boudin?
These yuppie kids
don't know what
boudin is.
-What's in it?
-It's hog guts full of rice
and some seasoning.
- Get you some of it.
- All: Ugh.
Phil:
These days—
show the yuppie kids
a hog liver,
and they're like, “Whoa.”
Hey, it's hot,
it's fast, it's cheap.
Skinny ones in the front,
fat ones in the back.
- Let's go!
- No, no.
- I wanted ice cream.
- Phil: Them yuppie kids
ain't hungry enough.
- That's their problem.
- Phil: Yuppie kids are missing
out and don't even know it.
Move on, nerds.
Moving on, yuppie kids.
-Jase: They may take
our basketball goals.
- Yeah.
- They may take our paycheck.
- Martin: Already done it.
But they'll never
take our freedom!
- That's what
I’m talking about, Jack!
- (horn honking )
People are honking.
We've got our signs.
We're getting
our message out.
I feel like I'm making
a difference in this world.
- Martin:
I'm ready to fight now.
- Hey, that makes two of us.
(chuckling )
- This is stupid.
- Your policies are stupid.
-Mm-hmm.
-Jase, this ain't funny.
- Get your butt back to work.
- Si: Work, work, work.
Nobody
takes time to stop
and smell the roses.
Hey, so, Jack,
we're smelling the roses.
Si:
I'm gonna tell you
from personal experience.
One time I was
smelling the roses,
a big bumblebee
stung me on the nose.
So, hey,
from then on—
look here, you can smell
the roses, but, hey,
smell them quick
or a bumblebee's
liable to nail you.
Here's the deal.
Let's call a truce.
You ready to call
the uniform idea?
- No.
-You gonna put my rim
back on the basketball goal?
- No.
-You gonna fire
the business consultant?
- Nope.
- Forget it.
- Nope.
- Hit the road, Jack.
- Willie: Hey.
- And don't come back no more,
no more, NO More, No more,
no more, no more,
no more, Jack.
- Boy, that's two
Jacks in that statement.
- That's what I'm talking "bout.
I'll have you replaced
by the end of the day.
- Good luck on that.
- Call your wives,
call your kids.
You ain't gettin'
a paycheck, boys.
I’m the boss.
What I say goes.
No questions asked.
I lay down the law.
I am
the law.
You look like the redneck
Don Johnson to me.
- (laughs )
- Si: That's it, Jack.
- Dang it.
- Martin: What's wrong?
You need a key?
Si:
Houston,
we have a problem.
I really gotta put
a handle on that door.
- The walk of shame.
- Willie: Cool inside, suckers.
- Jase: So what do we want?
- Martin: Basketball!
- Respect!
- When do we want it?
- Immediately!
- Soon!
- Hey!
- (crow caws )
We've got some
organizational issues.
What do we want?
We've got a problem
with articulation.
Ham “samitch.”
But we're united.
- Hey, I'm hungry.
- You doggone right.
I'll call Jessica
and get her up here.
-They're selling
boudin, I think.
- Boudin?
- Yeah.
- That's my favorite food.
I'll call her
and get her up here.
I’m actually
pretty hungry myself.
All:
Call her!
Jase:
That's all we need
is freedom and boudin.
Hey, babe.
Hey, we're up here
striking at work.
Can you bring
that boudin
up here?
- Si: A bunch of it.
- A bunch of it.
- About 10 pounds' worth.
- All of it.
Okay. All right, bye.
She's coming.
- That's what I'm talking about.
- Look here, boys.
I’m fixin' to sit down
in the shade over here
till Jessica gets up here
with the boudin.
-Jase: Si we're striking.
-Si: /am, too, till] get
some food.
- Willie.
- Willie: Hey.
- What are you doing?
-I'm on fire.
You can't put
all these duck calls
together by yourself.
I am putting all these
duck calls together
by myself.
I’m not gonna let
these idiots stop production.
That's exactly what
they want to happen.
- Seriously?
- Willie: I need to do
is show them I can build
duck calls without them
and they'll come
crawling back.
(bleats )
-That's not what it's
supposed to sound like.
- No?
(spurts)
- That's something.
- That's not a duck.
-I'm fine.
I am fine as wine.
- Seriously?
That there is what
they call a “redneck chariot.”
- Martin: Bring on the boudin.
- Jessica: Miss Kay's hot boudin
coming through.
- Si: Okay.
- Look at all them good-looking
bearded men right there.
- Si: Uh-huh.
- Pull on right in here.
Si:
That's it.
The cavalry has arrived.
Hallelujah, boys.
It's boudin time.
- Phil: What's all the signs?
- We on strike.
Jase:
Let me tell you
what your son implemented.
He had a rulebook
about that thick.
He then brought out
various uniforms
and acted like—
that I was fixed
to put one on.
I’m with you on
no suits, no uniforms.
- I'm with you on that.
- But Daddy will wear
my shirt, won't he?
Jase:
This is embarrassing.
I’m thinking at least
my dad will understand
where I’m coming from.
And then I look
at him and think,
“We have a problem.”
I figured the beard
was a dead giveaway
- that I’m a grown man.
- Not really.
I’m not gonna
put up with stupidity
-and I’m not gonna
be treated like I'm six.
- Kay: You're acting like kids.
I’m gonna get Korie,
I'm gonna get a bow!
of boudin,
and we're gonna
settle this. Now.
Phil
It'd be best if you
listen to your mother.
She's given you good,
sound, kind, gentle,
motherly advice.
- I would take that advice.
- If he's willing
to compromise.
- No lip.
- But if you don't
take that advice,
then you've got to deal
with me and I'll tear
your butt up.
I’m not wearing
a uniform.
- Phil: Sic 'em, Miss Kay.
- It's your call.
Boys, let me
tell you something.
Miss Kay bore
all four of those
boys of mine,
and when I saw 'em
come forth from her loins—
the first thing
that struck me
is a woman's
a lot tougher than
I thought they were.
And the second thing
that struck me
is my sex life
is over as I know it.
(laughter)
Man, I was about to ask
where the boudin was.
Yeah, yeah. No.
Good grief. Hey.
Phil done killed
my appetite.
You know,
I'd-a probably
threw my boudin sausage
up anyway.
Having said that,
I salute women worldwide.
That's it.
I think
he's coming.
This is stupid.
- Don't make a face.
- You got Mom involved
in this now?
- You better believe it.
- Willie: Let me tell you
something.
Mom's sweet
and everything,
but when it comes to us,
she will kick us in the...
Willie, I've been trying
to handle y'all for years.
Korie:
Come on, Willie.
Work it out.
- Well, tell him
he's being ridiculous.
- He's being ridiculous.
- I’m outta here.
- No, you're not.
You're gonna grow up
and act like the man
you are.
And you're gonna grow up
and act like the man you are.
There's
got to be some
give-and-take here.
Put the basketball
goal back up.
- No slam dunk contest.
- What?!
When we have
a big order to fill.
- All right.
- Don't take four
lunch breaks a day.
Okay.
And no rulebooks.
No megaphones.
- Okay.
- Now you both
say you're sorry.
- Ha!
-Yes, you are.
- And you are.
- Korie: Al/ right,
say it together.
-Come on, y'all can do this.
- Do not laugh.
-I'm sorta sorry.
-Willie: / apologize.
- He said “sorta.”
- I didn't lose.
This doesn't mean I lose.
Hey, I ain't saying
I’m wrong,
but if a basketball
hoop can keep me out
of the duck call room,
it's worth it.
- Pitiful, but come on.
- Hey, I count that.
-I'm not hugging.
- Yeah, you are.
I ain't
hugging him.
I've always made the boys
hug in the past and they
always make up.
- Korie: Give your
brother a hug.
- Stop touching me.
This is gonna set 'em
straight or I’m gonna
get the wooden spoon.
- Stop touching me.
- Now don't we love each other?
Aw, yes,
we do.
All's well that ends well.
- Yeah, he said he's sorry.
-I said I'm sorta sorry.
Sorry like
a sorry turd.
- Kay: Let's eat.
- Willie: It's the truth—
I’m sick of making duck calls.
Korie:
Jase, that megaphone
is annoying.
Jase:
But I love the megaphone.
Willie: Running the Robertson
family business is all
about give and take.
I give them a few
duck calls to make,
and I take
a lot of crap for it.
Folks, let's bow.
Father, we thank You
for another good day.
Thank You for the food
You bless us with.
I pray, Father,
that You help us be patient,
- especially with
each other. Amen.
- All: Amen.
But as with all families,
there will always be protest
and demands.
Like “let me
dress like a hobo,”
and “give me
my samitch.”
When push comes to shove,
we usually find a way to
reach an agreement.
Otherwise Miss Kay
will slap you right
upside your face.
(Jase over megaphone )
Willie, pass me some
more boudin.
- Willie: Mom, tell him we
weren't doing that anymore.
- Kay: Shut up!