Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 11, Episode 7 - Drive-In Revivin' - full transcript
Well...
If it ain't the
coolest dad ever.
- Really?
- How's it going?
It's going good.
What are y'all doing?
I'm eating some
nachos. You want some?
- I've been trying to lose weight.
- You look really good!
- Do I?
- Yeah.
- Are those new glasses too?
- Oh, yeah.
Your glasses look really cool.
- All right, how much you need?
- What are you talking about?
What you needing?
- There's this girl at school and...
- Oh, here we go!
I really want to get her
something that's like really nice to...
So you want to get
her a gift via my wallet.
Yes.
Well, you can ask.
- Can I have some money?
- No.
As a father of six,
I already know the tricks my kids
use to get something out of me.
I'll tell you what I am
gonna give you, though,
some advice.
Okay.
But if there's something
I know better, it's women.
So when it comes to
wooing that special someone,
I'm all about dishing
out pearls of wisdom.
Do not just spend a
lot of money on a gift.
Just not actual pearls, cause
that would be way too expensive.
You set the bar low.
What?!
This is my advice.
However, that doesn't mean
pearls have to be off limits.
The key is creativity.
You need to use your brain
and think of something...
- Sweet.
- Free.
Maybe give her some
pearly shells you've collected.
Or how about a Pearl Jam album?
And it never hurts to just
flash those pearly whites.
It's not really about the money.
I think the more
romantic gifts are the best.
And I'm the master at
free, sweet, romantic, gifts.
Well... you were the master.
What are you talking about? I
do stuff all... I still do those gifts!
When was the last
time you did that?
The other day at lunch, I was
like, "Do you want some tea?"
You could actually show Will...
What to do for the
girl? But that's weird.
No, you could just do
it for someone you love.
That's exactly
what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna do something
for you, really nice.
Aww! That's so sweet.
And I'm gonna spend no money.
Just pure romance.
What would you, like...
Give him examples of what you'd
want to do, like, and be specific.
It should be a total surprise, I
mean, I don't want to tell you.
If I tell you, then, you
know, it's not a surprise so...
Exactly. Will, you have to
come up with it on your own.
They're not gonna say
exactly what they want.
Although, in some cases,
it's easier if you say exactly...
Sometimes that's cool too.
I know, but that kind
of ruins the surprise
if I, like, tell
you things to do.
- I mean, you have to just...
- More of a surprise.
Yeah, it just needs to be...
- A total surprise.
- Total surprise.
All right, I'm gonna plan
something really cool
and hopefully it will inspire
you to think outside of the wallet.
- That's awesome.
- Cool.
In theory, could I hire
someone? Is that...
That would be
spending money, so no.
Can you believe Reed
and Brighton's wedding
- is about to be here?
- Yeah.
Do you know that by
the time they get married,
they will have been
dating five years!
This is true. This is true.
If it wasn't for me, they
might not be having a wedding.
- Babe...
- I might do this
for a living or something.
I think you're confused
with "Oh, I introduced them."
Yes, I did! I got them together!
I made some moves, I did!
You can't take credit
for an introduction.
Oh, it was a little
more than introduction.
I mean, I'm not gonna say
I'm the ultimate matchmaker,
but I do have a
special set of skills.
- Oh, hey, how are y'all?
- Hi, Mountain Man!
Oh, man, what are
you doing up here?
I thought I'd get
me a bite to eat.
Are you by yourself?
Oh, yup, just me, myself, and I.
Well, it's a crowd right there.
Yeah, that reminds me of being
by myself in the woods one time.
- Really?
- It was getting dark
and I was deer hunting.
This big ol' buck come
charging through the woods.
He kept getting closer, and
closer, and closer, and closer.
Then he took off
running after me.
All right, man, good to see you.
Then he really
started coming near...
Did you already
order your food yet?
And I was walking, and I got to
hearing something behind me.
Faster I went,
which wasn't too fast,
- the faster he got.
- Yeah.
And I kept looking for
him, kept looking for him.
I wonder what's taking
your food so long?
Kept looking for him,
and all I had was my
crossbow. Then I could see...
Oh, there's your
food! Your food.
- They just called you.
- Oh, that's me?
- We'll finish the story later.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I was just
getting to the good part.
Oh, no! All right.
- See you later, Mountain Man.
- Y'all take care. Bye now!
- All right.
- Gosh!
You know what his problem is.
- What? I know!
- He's by himself!
If you're the
ultimate matchmaker,
you need to fix Mountain
Man up with somebody.
Good luck with that.
- That's a good idea!
- Babe, I was kidding.
- I think I could do that.
- No, you couldn't.
I... I know I can. I can do it!
I'll tell you what. We need to
come up with some kind of wager.
Okay, how about this?
If I find somebody
for Mountain Man,
you have to rub my
shoulders in public,
like in front of
your whole family.
Every time I see a guy doing
that, I'm like, "Oh my God."
I know, so... but you don't
have anything to worry about.
If you don't have any confidence in me to
do this, you have nothing to worry about.
- All right, deal. You got a bet.
- All right, deal.
- I could do it.
- No!
I have not gotten one
bite this entire time.
Who do you think would
win in a fight, me or a fish?
- You or a fish?
- Yeah.
I mean, like, in the
water, on his terms.
On land I got him,
'cause he'd be choking.
A shark?
Are you talking
about a great white,
- or what are you talking about?
- A fish!
You ain't gonna beat up a
shark, I can promise you that.
No, sharks eat people.
You could beat a turtle, maybe.
A turtle ain't a fish, though.
My money's on the
fish, Martin, no offense.
None taken.
I think this is one of the
dumbest conversations
I've ever heard
y'all talk about.
- Maybe a trout.
- What's wrong with you?
No, I'm in a little predicament.
I said I would do something
for Korie that's like thought out,
but I can't spend any money.
How'd you get into this spot?
Well, I was trying to
teach a lesson to Will.
He's trying to impress a girl,
and I said, "Do something.
Don't spend money."
And now I got to do something
and not spend any money.
Why didn't you just give the boy
$10? You wouldn't have to do this.
Well, looking back, that would
have been the better plan,
but I was trying to
teach him a life lesson.
Take her fishing.
Well, it's supposed
to be romantic or nice.
What's more
romantic than fishing?
Well...
- Naked fishing?
- Uh-oh.
I thought I was talking to a
group of married Casanovas.
But it turns out, these guys are
a bunch of married Casano-nos.
Get her some flowers
and some chocolate.
I can't spend any money.
Go cut Jep's flowers,
he's got plenty.
Don't do that.
It's much easier to feel
confident in your romantic abilities
when you're married and don't have
to use any of those romantic abilities.
Just go shopping with her.
While she shops, just be there.
Yeah, there you go.
Let her spend money
and you just watch it.
- Yeah.
- I do that all the time.
The heart is a muscle,
and it turns out, when you
don't use it, it atrophies big time.
All right, boys, let
me help y'all out here.
Look, if you want to
impress a woman?
Look, it's nothing sweep a woman
off her feet like a drive-in movie.
How could it sweep her off
her feet if she's sitting down?
'Cause it's just so powerful.
That's actually not a bad idea.
Ain't that place been closed
down for like 30 years?
Yeah, but I mean, the
structure's still there.
If you got a screen, it's free.
I got to figure out
a way to use it.
Oh, yeah, that would be awesome!
I used to go to that
thing all the time.
You pull up there
in your pickup,
put your blanket down in the
back end, get you some popcorn.
- That's kind of romantic.
- It is romantic.
Well, I'm glad y'all finally
recognize my genius.
Yeah, we could go,
like, restore it, fix it all up.
"We"?
- I need free labor help.
- Help?
- Oh, boy.
- It's gotta be free.
I say we go look at it,
see what it looks like.
All right, I'm gonna
go call that guy,
see if I can get the
drive-in movie theatre.
I ain't got a bite
all day anyway.
Well, you should've held on.
Oh! Lookie here!
- Lookie here!
- You got one?
Yeah, I got a good one!
Hey, technically,
that's my fish!
You could probably beat a trout.
Hey, babe!
Hey, babe, what'd you get?
- Oh, I got something all right.
- What you got?
- Guess what?
- What?
I found Mountain Man's woman.
I ran into Donna
at the grocery store.
Donna?
She loves the outdoors,
and she's single!
She's basically Mountain Woman.
Babe, that's not gonna work.
Yes, it is! She's
like him, she's...
If she's like Mountain
Man, it's not gonna work.
- Yes, it is!
- Opposites attract.
- No!
- Yes, babe!
Good grief, no!
They'll never finish
a conversation!
Since Mountain Man
has unique qualities,
he needs the
opposite to offset that.
Babe.
I'm questioning your
matchmaking skills.
Mountain Man
needs a valley girl!
- I found the perfect woman.
- It'll never work.
High energy, high octane.
And then you have something.
Since we have a bet,
you got your woman.
Let me get a woman
for Mountain Man.
If he picks the girl that I get,
then you have to... let's say,
how about wash my truck?
I'm cool with that. I'm
not gonna be doing it.
I mean, I already got this won.
- Pfft!
- I do!
- Well, we'll see.
- I do.
You're not gonna be
able to find a woman.
- Where are you gonna go?
- Hey, never underestimate Old Jase.
We got a project
on our hands here!
Definitely a fixer-upper.
Yikes! There's not
even a door up on there.
The door? What about that thing?
You ain't even gonna
be able to see a movie!
You just need a
little piece of screen.
Huh?
Maybe we could just cut the
trees at an angle, like that, maybe?
That's a lot of whackin'.
How long do you think it'd
take us to cut that stuff down?
- A month.
- Yeah.
I got two days.
Yeah, it ain't gonna happen.
All right, well, let me
check out the inside.
Maybe there's something we
can use that's kind of romantic.
What are you talking about?
That place is a house of horrors.
Okay, in theory this
would have been
a great place for
a romantic date.
Big large space, huge
screen to project the movie.
He's going in, boys.
A giant wasp nest
merely feet away?
Yeah, there's
wasps in there, dude.
- Is it in my hair?
- No.
Good thing this ain't
the movie My Girl,
or this date would be
ending very differently.
This ain't gonna work.
We can't go in this area.
- Why not?
- So maybe when we get back,
just focus on out there, put
some porta-johns or something.
I can't buy a porta-John...
I can't buy them.
You can't do that.
That costs money.
And you want to talk
about not romantic!
There's not nothing
romantic about a porta-John.
A warm seat gets nasty.
You never made
out in a porta-John?
What?
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- He raised his hand!
Let's build it at the farm.
- You do have that ranch.
- What about the ranch?
- Build one out there.
- Build what?
A drive-in! You
got plenty of room!
- And it does have bathroom.
- And electricity.
- No wasps.
- That would work.
- That's smart.
- I got a projector.
I can bring it.
That's half the
battle right there!
It's all coming together, boys!
If we're helping
you, we get to come.
- Yup.
- Yeah, I'm coming.
Hey! It's a night
out for everybody.
Okay, you can come,
but I need, like, at least 30 minutes
of just romantic time with my wife.
I'll give you 28 with Korie.
- Si.
- What?
I guess that's all we can
do. This place is a disaster.
- All right, y'all ready?
- Let's get out of here.
Moving time!
Seriously, y'all never
made out in a porta-john?
Gross.
So tell me what you like to do.
Got a farm, so...
I usually stay out there
taking care of all those animals.
- Ew.
- Guess who I found?
- Mountain Man!
- There he is!
The man of the hour.
Mountain Man, this
is my friend, Donna.
- Nice to meet you, Donna!
- This is Kimmy.
- Hi, Mountain Man!
- Kimmy? Hi, Kimmy!
She could make the
sun shine on a rainy day!
Yeah...
Today, Mountain Man is
the luckiest man in the world.
He has not one, but two choices.
- Personally chosen by us.
- That's right.
I am 100% confident
that my pick will win.
She actually runs a boutique.
You know anything about
boutiques, Mountain Man?
What's a boutique?
Oh...
Nothing wrong with that.
Yeah, I was getting you
a little something there.
- What?
- And I met the owner.
She talks pretty fast.
I thought, "This is her!"
Oh, these flies!
I think it's something
about the reflection, isn't it?
Yeah, see? She knows a lot
about the outdoors. See, babe?
- I do love the outdoors!
- Yeah.
I don't.
I'm gonna give you credit.
The fact that you found a woman
similar to Mountain Man is incredible.
It is, isn't it? I know.
The problem is,
this will never work.
We'll see.
- Well, I love getting sun.
- Yeah.
See?
All I know is I can't wait for those
hands to be massaging my back
and making me
feel all good inside.
These hands will be
pointing at spots on my truck.
- What?!
- That you missed.
Yes.
Hey, Ol' Jase, what you got
smoking on that grill down there?
Come on down here, Mountain Man,
- and check it out!
- You got my stomach roaring!
Oh, yeah. What you
think about Kimmy?
- She seems real nice.
- Nice? Pfft! She is!
- Donna, she seems nice too.
- Yeah, but look,
Willy is making a homemade
drive-in movie theatre.
We're all gonna get together, watch
a movie under the stars, like old times.
- You're invited!
- I'm invited?
Yeah, and you
need to bring Kimmy.
Did I ever finish
telling you the story
about that deer that
got me, that big buck?
Yeah, you told me that story.
- I never told you how it ended.
- All right, let's go talk to Kimmy!
What?
This where we're gonna put it?
Well, this what I was thinking...
Somewhere in the yard.
We gonna have to build a wall.
I know I got, but I don't
want a permanent wall.
Well, just leave it up, dummy.
Why do I have to think of everything?
What am I gonna
do with a big wall?
Play racquetball on it!
I don't play
racquetball, so I don't...
And you should, 'cause
you need the exercise.
Why don't we just hang
a sheet from the barn?
It'd be easy.
- No, that would work.
- That would work.
That would work, yeah.
Why do I have to
think of everything?
- You didn't think of nothing.
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.
We're actually getting somewhere
with this free romantic date
thing that I have to plan for Korie.
- Yeah, I think this will work!
- Yeah.
Hang off the roof...
You got a king-sized
bed, right, Willie?
It's gonna take more
sheets than that.
- Yeah.
- Let's look in the barn.
If we could actually
get this screen up,
I'll kill two birds
with one stone.
My boat cover. I
think that'll work, huh?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Now we're being rednecks here.
I'll get to sweep
my wife off her feet,
and show Lil' Will that his
dad is a true, thrifty romantic.
Hey, you need to hang them
lights up before the movie starts.
That's a good idea!
Why do I have to
think of everything?
If only I could get rid of Si,
this night would be perfect.
I give you, Willie's drive-in!
- Perfect.
- Ready and open for business.
- For free!
- We did it! For free!
You ain't got my
bill yet, clown.
I ain't paying you.
I pay you at work!
Hey. What do you mean? Hey!
- You're supposed to be at work right now!
- No, this is extra!
You better go get
ready for your date.
We'll hang up the
lights while you're going.
Yup, I smell pretty bad.
All right, appreciate it, guys.
- Put on some cologne!
- Yeah, put on some deodorant!
- We gonna hit you for overtime!
- Brush your hair!
Yeah. Put some lipstick on too!
Lipstick on a pig.
- Okay!
- Almost there!
I can't even imagine what you've
done. I don't even have any idea.
I think you might need to
wash this blindfold, though.
Why?
It smells a little sweaty.
I only have one clean one.
Now?
And now, blindfold off.
Okay.
- Oh, my goodness!
- Yeah!
A drive-in movie?
Drive-in movie.
How about that?
You are still as romantic as
you were when we first met.
- You like it?
- I love it.
No money. All
that it was used...
- That's the tarp I had on the boat.
- Oh!
I figured we would
turn the truck around,
- watch it off the tailgate.
- I love it!
I think Willie did great
on his surprise free date.
He totally exceeded
my expectations.
Thank you.
All of this, just for me?
Well, and some other people.
I had to cash
in a lot of favors,
- so I invited a few other...
- Wait, what?
I invited a few other folks.
You're so cute when you
do sweet things for me.
- Well, hey!
- What's up?
- This is awesome!
- Pretty cool, huh?
- That Jay?
- That's Godwin.
- They're still streaming in!
- Oh, lordy.
- Well, the movie ain't started yet?
- Waiting on you, Si!
We're waiting on
everybody to get here.
There you go. You
got everybody here.
You showed Lil'
Will how it's done.
Hey, I'm happy to
teach him all my secrets.
I mean, the ones that
are age appropriate.
- Oh, man.
- What?
It's Mountain Man,
and he has a girl,
- and I can't tell who it is.
- Wait, what?
- All right, let's check. Who is this?
- What?
- Hey!
- What's going on? You made it!
- Hey, Missy!
- Hey.
- Who is this?
- This is Caira.
- Hi, Caira, I'm Missy.
- It's nice to meet you!
- Very nice to meet you!
- Yeah.
How did y'all meet?
I met her at the post
office this morning.
- Huh.
- So I said,
"Hey, let me open
the door for you,"
and the next thing you know,
we was talking about
fishing, and catching fish,
and she showed me some pictures,
and I showed her
some pictures and...
- Of fish? Yeah.
- Fish.
You never know where
you're gonna meet somebody.
We just got to talking
about fishing and...
- Yeah, I got it, I got it.
- She can bait her own hook.
That means a lot.
Well, I'll be. Well,
it's nice to meet you.
It's very nice to meet you, yes.
Yeah, she's my
friend. She likes to fish.
- What was that?!
- I'm shocked.
Okay, well, here's
the predicament.
- What?
- We both lost.
Let's just call it even.
Well, I'm kind of sore.
Well, I want my
truck washed, then.
That truck is dirty, so
you better make this count.
Oh, I'll make it count.
I'll start off with a
public display of affection
- in front of all my family.
- Yes, yes.
And then I'll end with a little
bit of fireworks, in private.
Oh, gosh, not in
front of your family.
In private!
When you've been
with someone for a while,
it's easy to fall into
the same old patterns.
But if you challenge yourself,
you can recapture the magic that
made you fall in love in the first place.
You might be surprised
where that can lead you,
whether it's sharing a homemade drive-in
movie with your family and friends,
or finding out that matchmaking
is a lot tougher than it looks.
But those unexpected moments
are part of what
makes life worth living.
And popcorn smothered
in butter helps too.
Jase, what are you doing? Opening
up a massage parlor over there?
Shut up, shut up.
If it ain't the
coolest dad ever.
- Really?
- How's it going?
It's going good.
What are y'all doing?
I'm eating some
nachos. You want some?
- I've been trying to lose weight.
- You look really good!
- Do I?
- Yeah.
- Are those new glasses too?
- Oh, yeah.
Your glasses look really cool.
- All right, how much you need?
- What are you talking about?
What you needing?
- There's this girl at school and...
- Oh, here we go!
I really want to get her
something that's like really nice to...
So you want to get
her a gift via my wallet.
Yes.
Well, you can ask.
- Can I have some money?
- No.
As a father of six,
I already know the tricks my kids
use to get something out of me.
I'll tell you what I am
gonna give you, though,
some advice.
Okay.
But if there's something
I know better, it's women.
So when it comes to
wooing that special someone,
I'm all about dishing
out pearls of wisdom.
Do not just spend a
lot of money on a gift.
Just not actual pearls, cause
that would be way too expensive.
You set the bar low.
What?!
This is my advice.
However, that doesn't mean
pearls have to be off limits.
The key is creativity.
You need to use your brain
and think of something...
- Sweet.
- Free.
Maybe give her some
pearly shells you've collected.
Or how about a Pearl Jam album?
And it never hurts to just
flash those pearly whites.
It's not really about the money.
I think the more
romantic gifts are the best.
And I'm the master at
free, sweet, romantic, gifts.
Well... you were the master.
What are you talking about? I
do stuff all... I still do those gifts!
When was the last
time you did that?
The other day at lunch, I was
like, "Do you want some tea?"
You could actually show Will...
What to do for the
girl? But that's weird.
No, you could just do
it for someone you love.
That's exactly
what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna do something
for you, really nice.
Aww! That's so sweet.
And I'm gonna spend no money.
Just pure romance.
What would you, like...
Give him examples of what you'd
want to do, like, and be specific.
It should be a total surprise, I
mean, I don't want to tell you.
If I tell you, then, you
know, it's not a surprise so...
Exactly. Will, you have to
come up with it on your own.
They're not gonna say
exactly what they want.
Although, in some cases,
it's easier if you say exactly...
Sometimes that's cool too.
I know, but that kind
of ruins the surprise
if I, like, tell
you things to do.
- I mean, you have to just...
- More of a surprise.
Yeah, it just needs to be...
- A total surprise.
- Total surprise.
All right, I'm gonna plan
something really cool
and hopefully it will inspire
you to think outside of the wallet.
- That's awesome.
- Cool.
In theory, could I hire
someone? Is that...
That would be
spending money, so no.
Can you believe Reed
and Brighton's wedding
- is about to be here?
- Yeah.
Do you know that by
the time they get married,
they will have been
dating five years!
This is true. This is true.
If it wasn't for me, they
might not be having a wedding.
- Babe...
- I might do this
for a living or something.
I think you're confused
with "Oh, I introduced them."
Yes, I did! I got them together!
I made some moves, I did!
You can't take credit
for an introduction.
Oh, it was a little
more than introduction.
I mean, I'm not gonna say
I'm the ultimate matchmaker,
but I do have a
special set of skills.
- Oh, hey, how are y'all?
- Hi, Mountain Man!
Oh, man, what are
you doing up here?
I thought I'd get
me a bite to eat.
Are you by yourself?
Oh, yup, just me, myself, and I.
Well, it's a crowd right there.
Yeah, that reminds me of being
by myself in the woods one time.
- Really?
- It was getting dark
and I was deer hunting.
This big ol' buck come
charging through the woods.
He kept getting closer, and
closer, and closer, and closer.
Then he took off
running after me.
All right, man, good to see you.
Then he really
started coming near...
Did you already
order your food yet?
And I was walking, and I got to
hearing something behind me.
Faster I went,
which wasn't too fast,
- the faster he got.
- Yeah.
And I kept looking for
him, kept looking for him.
I wonder what's taking
your food so long?
Kept looking for him,
and all I had was my
crossbow. Then I could see...
Oh, there's your
food! Your food.
- They just called you.
- Oh, that's me?
- We'll finish the story later.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I was just
getting to the good part.
Oh, no! All right.
- See you later, Mountain Man.
- Y'all take care. Bye now!
- All right.
- Gosh!
You know what his problem is.
- What? I know!
- He's by himself!
If you're the
ultimate matchmaker,
you need to fix Mountain
Man up with somebody.
Good luck with that.
- That's a good idea!
- Babe, I was kidding.
- I think I could do that.
- No, you couldn't.
I... I know I can. I can do it!
I'll tell you what. We need to
come up with some kind of wager.
Okay, how about this?
If I find somebody
for Mountain Man,
you have to rub my
shoulders in public,
like in front of
your whole family.
Every time I see a guy doing
that, I'm like, "Oh my God."
I know, so... but you don't
have anything to worry about.
If you don't have any confidence in me to
do this, you have nothing to worry about.
- All right, deal. You got a bet.
- All right, deal.
- I could do it.
- No!
I have not gotten one
bite this entire time.
Who do you think would
win in a fight, me or a fish?
- You or a fish?
- Yeah.
I mean, like, in the
water, on his terms.
On land I got him,
'cause he'd be choking.
A shark?
Are you talking
about a great white,
- or what are you talking about?
- A fish!
You ain't gonna beat up a
shark, I can promise you that.
No, sharks eat people.
You could beat a turtle, maybe.
A turtle ain't a fish, though.
My money's on the
fish, Martin, no offense.
None taken.
I think this is one of the
dumbest conversations
I've ever heard
y'all talk about.
- Maybe a trout.
- What's wrong with you?
No, I'm in a little predicament.
I said I would do something
for Korie that's like thought out,
but I can't spend any money.
How'd you get into this spot?
Well, I was trying to
teach a lesson to Will.
He's trying to impress a girl,
and I said, "Do something.
Don't spend money."
And now I got to do something
and not spend any money.
Why didn't you just give the boy
$10? You wouldn't have to do this.
Well, looking back, that would
have been the better plan,
but I was trying to
teach him a life lesson.
Take her fishing.
Well, it's supposed
to be romantic or nice.
What's more
romantic than fishing?
Well...
- Naked fishing?
- Uh-oh.
I thought I was talking to a
group of married Casanovas.
But it turns out, these guys are
a bunch of married Casano-nos.
Get her some flowers
and some chocolate.
I can't spend any money.
Go cut Jep's flowers,
he's got plenty.
Don't do that.
It's much easier to feel
confident in your romantic abilities
when you're married and don't have
to use any of those romantic abilities.
Just go shopping with her.
While she shops, just be there.
Yeah, there you go.
Let her spend money
and you just watch it.
- Yeah.
- I do that all the time.
The heart is a muscle,
and it turns out, when you
don't use it, it atrophies big time.
All right, boys, let
me help y'all out here.
Look, if you want to
impress a woman?
Look, it's nothing sweep a woman
off her feet like a drive-in movie.
How could it sweep her off
her feet if she's sitting down?
'Cause it's just so powerful.
That's actually not a bad idea.
Ain't that place been closed
down for like 30 years?
Yeah, but I mean, the
structure's still there.
If you got a screen, it's free.
I got to figure out
a way to use it.
Oh, yeah, that would be awesome!
I used to go to that
thing all the time.
You pull up there
in your pickup,
put your blanket down in the
back end, get you some popcorn.
- That's kind of romantic.
- It is romantic.
Well, I'm glad y'all finally
recognize my genius.
Yeah, we could go,
like, restore it, fix it all up.
"We"?
- I need free labor help.
- Help?
- Oh, boy.
- It's gotta be free.
I say we go look at it,
see what it looks like.
All right, I'm gonna
go call that guy,
see if I can get the
drive-in movie theatre.
I ain't got a bite
all day anyway.
Well, you should've held on.
Oh! Lookie here!
- Lookie here!
- You got one?
Yeah, I got a good one!
Hey, technically,
that's my fish!
You could probably beat a trout.
Hey, babe!
Hey, babe, what'd you get?
- Oh, I got something all right.
- What you got?
- Guess what?
- What?
I found Mountain Man's woman.
I ran into Donna
at the grocery store.
Donna?
She loves the outdoors,
and she's single!
She's basically Mountain Woman.
Babe, that's not gonna work.
Yes, it is! She's
like him, she's...
If she's like Mountain
Man, it's not gonna work.
- Yes, it is!
- Opposites attract.
- No!
- Yes, babe!
Good grief, no!
They'll never finish
a conversation!
Since Mountain Man
has unique qualities,
he needs the
opposite to offset that.
Babe.
I'm questioning your
matchmaking skills.
Mountain Man
needs a valley girl!
- I found the perfect woman.
- It'll never work.
High energy, high octane.
And then you have something.
Since we have a bet,
you got your woman.
Let me get a woman
for Mountain Man.
If he picks the girl that I get,
then you have to... let's say,
how about wash my truck?
I'm cool with that. I'm
not gonna be doing it.
I mean, I already got this won.
- Pfft!
- I do!
- Well, we'll see.
- I do.
You're not gonna be
able to find a woman.
- Where are you gonna go?
- Hey, never underestimate Old Jase.
We got a project
on our hands here!
Definitely a fixer-upper.
Yikes! There's not
even a door up on there.
The door? What about that thing?
You ain't even gonna
be able to see a movie!
You just need a
little piece of screen.
Huh?
Maybe we could just cut the
trees at an angle, like that, maybe?
That's a lot of whackin'.
How long do you think it'd
take us to cut that stuff down?
- A month.
- Yeah.
I got two days.
Yeah, it ain't gonna happen.
All right, well, let me
check out the inside.
Maybe there's something we
can use that's kind of romantic.
What are you talking about?
That place is a house of horrors.
Okay, in theory this
would have been
a great place for
a romantic date.
Big large space, huge
screen to project the movie.
He's going in, boys.
A giant wasp nest
merely feet away?
Yeah, there's
wasps in there, dude.
- Is it in my hair?
- No.
Good thing this ain't
the movie My Girl,
or this date would be
ending very differently.
This ain't gonna work.
We can't go in this area.
- Why not?
- So maybe when we get back,
just focus on out there, put
some porta-johns or something.
I can't buy a porta-John...
I can't buy them.
You can't do that.
That costs money.
And you want to talk
about not romantic!
There's not nothing
romantic about a porta-John.
A warm seat gets nasty.
You never made
out in a porta-John?
What?
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- He raised his hand!
Let's build it at the farm.
- You do have that ranch.
- What about the ranch?
- Build one out there.
- Build what?
A drive-in! You
got plenty of room!
- And it does have bathroom.
- And electricity.
- No wasps.
- That would work.
- That's smart.
- I got a projector.
I can bring it.
That's half the
battle right there!
It's all coming together, boys!
If we're helping
you, we get to come.
- Yup.
- Yeah, I'm coming.
Hey! It's a night
out for everybody.
Okay, you can come,
but I need, like, at least 30 minutes
of just romantic time with my wife.
I'll give you 28 with Korie.
- Si.
- What?
I guess that's all we can
do. This place is a disaster.
- All right, y'all ready?
- Let's get out of here.
Moving time!
Seriously, y'all never
made out in a porta-john?
Gross.
So tell me what you like to do.
Got a farm, so...
I usually stay out there
taking care of all those animals.
- Ew.
- Guess who I found?
- Mountain Man!
- There he is!
The man of the hour.
Mountain Man, this
is my friend, Donna.
- Nice to meet you, Donna!
- This is Kimmy.
- Hi, Mountain Man!
- Kimmy? Hi, Kimmy!
She could make the
sun shine on a rainy day!
Yeah...
Today, Mountain Man is
the luckiest man in the world.
He has not one, but two choices.
- Personally chosen by us.
- That's right.
I am 100% confident
that my pick will win.
She actually runs a boutique.
You know anything about
boutiques, Mountain Man?
What's a boutique?
Oh...
Nothing wrong with that.
Yeah, I was getting you
a little something there.
- What?
- And I met the owner.
She talks pretty fast.
I thought, "This is her!"
Oh, these flies!
I think it's something
about the reflection, isn't it?
Yeah, see? She knows a lot
about the outdoors. See, babe?
- I do love the outdoors!
- Yeah.
I don't.
I'm gonna give you credit.
The fact that you found a woman
similar to Mountain Man is incredible.
It is, isn't it? I know.
The problem is,
this will never work.
We'll see.
- Well, I love getting sun.
- Yeah.
See?
All I know is I can't wait for those
hands to be massaging my back
and making me
feel all good inside.
These hands will be
pointing at spots on my truck.
- What?!
- That you missed.
Yes.
Hey, Ol' Jase, what you got
smoking on that grill down there?
Come on down here, Mountain Man,
- and check it out!
- You got my stomach roaring!
Oh, yeah. What you
think about Kimmy?
- She seems real nice.
- Nice? Pfft! She is!
- Donna, she seems nice too.
- Yeah, but look,
Willy is making a homemade
drive-in movie theatre.
We're all gonna get together, watch
a movie under the stars, like old times.
- You're invited!
- I'm invited?
Yeah, and you
need to bring Kimmy.
Did I ever finish
telling you the story
about that deer that
got me, that big buck?
Yeah, you told me that story.
- I never told you how it ended.
- All right, let's go talk to Kimmy!
What?
This where we're gonna put it?
Well, this what I was thinking...
Somewhere in the yard.
We gonna have to build a wall.
I know I got, but I don't
want a permanent wall.
Well, just leave it up, dummy.
Why do I have to think of everything?
What am I gonna
do with a big wall?
Play racquetball on it!
I don't play
racquetball, so I don't...
And you should, 'cause
you need the exercise.
Why don't we just hang
a sheet from the barn?
It'd be easy.
- No, that would work.
- That would work.
That would work, yeah.
Why do I have to
think of everything?
- You didn't think of nothing.
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.
We're actually getting somewhere
with this free romantic date
thing that I have to plan for Korie.
- Yeah, I think this will work!
- Yeah.
Hang off the roof...
You got a king-sized
bed, right, Willie?
It's gonna take more
sheets than that.
- Yeah.
- Let's look in the barn.
If we could actually
get this screen up,
I'll kill two birds
with one stone.
My boat cover. I
think that'll work, huh?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Now we're being rednecks here.
I'll get to sweep
my wife off her feet,
and show Lil' Will that his
dad is a true, thrifty romantic.
Hey, you need to hang them
lights up before the movie starts.
That's a good idea!
Why do I have to
think of everything?
If only I could get rid of Si,
this night would be perfect.
I give you, Willie's drive-in!
- Perfect.
- Ready and open for business.
- For free!
- We did it! For free!
You ain't got my
bill yet, clown.
I ain't paying you.
I pay you at work!
Hey. What do you mean? Hey!
- You're supposed to be at work right now!
- No, this is extra!
You better go get
ready for your date.
We'll hang up the
lights while you're going.
Yup, I smell pretty bad.
All right, appreciate it, guys.
- Put on some cologne!
- Yeah, put on some deodorant!
- We gonna hit you for overtime!
- Brush your hair!
Yeah. Put some lipstick on too!
Lipstick on a pig.
- Okay!
- Almost there!
I can't even imagine what you've
done. I don't even have any idea.
I think you might need to
wash this blindfold, though.
Why?
It smells a little sweaty.
I only have one clean one.
Now?
And now, blindfold off.
Okay.
- Oh, my goodness!
- Yeah!
A drive-in movie?
Drive-in movie.
How about that?
You are still as romantic as
you were when we first met.
- You like it?
- I love it.
No money. All
that it was used...
- That's the tarp I had on the boat.
- Oh!
I figured we would
turn the truck around,
- watch it off the tailgate.
- I love it!
I think Willie did great
on his surprise free date.
He totally exceeded
my expectations.
Thank you.
All of this, just for me?
Well, and some other people.
I had to cash
in a lot of favors,
- so I invited a few other...
- Wait, what?
I invited a few other folks.
You're so cute when you
do sweet things for me.
- Well, hey!
- What's up?
- This is awesome!
- Pretty cool, huh?
- That Jay?
- That's Godwin.
- They're still streaming in!
- Oh, lordy.
- Well, the movie ain't started yet?
- Waiting on you, Si!
We're waiting on
everybody to get here.
There you go. You
got everybody here.
You showed Lil'
Will how it's done.
Hey, I'm happy to
teach him all my secrets.
I mean, the ones that
are age appropriate.
- Oh, man.
- What?
It's Mountain Man,
and he has a girl,
- and I can't tell who it is.
- Wait, what?
- All right, let's check. Who is this?
- What?
- Hey!
- What's going on? You made it!
- Hey, Missy!
- Hey.
- Who is this?
- This is Caira.
- Hi, Caira, I'm Missy.
- It's nice to meet you!
- Very nice to meet you!
- Yeah.
How did y'all meet?
I met her at the post
office this morning.
- Huh.
- So I said,
"Hey, let me open
the door for you,"
and the next thing you know,
we was talking about
fishing, and catching fish,
and she showed me some pictures,
and I showed her
some pictures and...
- Of fish? Yeah.
- Fish.
You never know where
you're gonna meet somebody.
We just got to talking
about fishing and...
- Yeah, I got it, I got it.
- She can bait her own hook.
That means a lot.
Well, I'll be. Well,
it's nice to meet you.
It's very nice to meet you, yes.
Yeah, she's my
friend. She likes to fish.
- What was that?!
- I'm shocked.
Okay, well, here's
the predicament.
- What?
- We both lost.
Let's just call it even.
Well, I'm kind of sore.
Well, I want my
truck washed, then.
That truck is dirty, so
you better make this count.
Oh, I'll make it count.
I'll start off with a
public display of affection
- in front of all my family.
- Yes, yes.
And then I'll end with a little
bit of fireworks, in private.
Oh, gosh, not in
front of your family.
In private!
When you've been
with someone for a while,
it's easy to fall into
the same old patterns.
But if you challenge yourself,
you can recapture the magic that
made you fall in love in the first place.
You might be surprised
where that can lead you,
whether it's sharing a homemade drive-in
movie with your family and friends,
or finding out that matchmaking
is a lot tougher than it looks.
But those unexpected moments
are part of what
makes life worth living.
And popcorn smothered
in butter helps too.
Jase, what are you doing? Opening
up a massage parlor over there?
Shut up, shut up.