Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 11, Episode 6 - Sleep Cover - full transcript

All right, guys.

Y'all ready to talk to mom?

Yes, sir.

You know how to do
it? Up button, right there.

- Yeah.
- And then...

- Hey!
- Hi!

Hey, what's up?

- I miss you.
- I miss you.

- I miss you, too.
- I miss you.

- How's Africa?
- It's awesome.

It is beautiful here.



The kids are so cute,
y'all would love them.

Bring some home.

Yeah. Be their guardian.

- Aw... That's okay.
- So have you seen any lions?

Nope. Have not seen any lions.

Jaguars?

No. No jaguars.

- Wildebeest?
- Nope.

Giraffes? Have
you seen a giraffe?

- What about a zebra?
- No giraffes, no zebra. Nope.

- Cobras? Crocodiles?
- Black mambas?

We're not on a safari.

- Ah, shoot.
- Some people saw a monkey,

but I didn't see
it, I missed it.



I'd figure they'd be
running around everywhere.

I've seen a lot of
chickens and goats.

- Chickens and goats?
- Yeah.

Hmm. Interesting.

So, have you been eating
good since I've been gone?

Daddy been cooking a lot?

We've got pizza every
single night this week.

Every night? Okay.

I feel like consistency's good.

Especially when one
of their parents are gone,

it's good to be consistent.

At least y'all are surviving.

Can we get some
more pizza? I'm hungry.

That'd be fun.

So you ready for
your sleepover, Bella?

Yes. I'm really excited.

- When is that?
- It's tonight!

- Huh?!
- Willie,

I have reminded you
about this like three times.

Can we reschedule that
to when you get back?

No.

This has been
planned a long time.

What's your mom
doing? Is she around?

She's with me!

- Oh, shoot.
- Not it.

I don't think we
can do it tonight,

'cause I was going over
Jep's to watch the game, so...

Lily and Merritt are
coming to the sleepover too,

so Jep can just come over
and hang out. It'll be fun.

Maybe we can call somebody
to come over and help.

No!

Willie, you're gonna
be fine. It'll be fun.

Normally if Korie's out of town,
it's my excuse to act like a teenager.

I stay up late, eat bad food,

and I don't worry about any
odors that come from my body.

Well, a sleepover is just a sleep.
They'd just come over and go to sleep.

- No.
- You wish.

That's why they
call it a sleepover.

- No. No, no, no, no.
- Ehh...

Now it sounds like instead
of acting like a teenager,

I'm gonna have to be
responsible for a room full of them.

Make sure the house is clean,

and make sure the girls
don't do anything dangerous.

Pretty much all you gotta do.

And feed them. You
should do that too.

You know what we're gonna eat?

Pizza!

You can't have a sleepover
without having pizza.

That's right.

Maybe I can feed the girls
enough pizza and ice cream

to put them in a food coma.

That way, Jep and I can
watch the game in peace.

Flight gets in early
in the morning,

so I'll be there probably
in time for a big breakfast.

Perfect. We'll
probably have pizza.

For breakfast?! No!

- It's actually good cold.
- Touché.

All right. Love y'all.

- Love you.
- Love you.

- Bye!
- All right.

We'll be here waiting on you.

Well... I forgot all
about the sleepover.

Promise me you're not gonna
embarrass me in front of my friends.

I thought I was
the life of the party?

No.

Fine. I'm gonna watch
the game anyway.

I've never been to
your bedroom, dude.

This is weird.
Kinda smells funny.

Smells perfectly fine.

To you, but to
me, it smells weird.

- The bed's comfy, though.
- It's kind of comfortable.

Although I don't like you
eating chips in my bed.

Don't get crumbs
all over the place.

Dude! There's
nowhere else to go.

- You need a man cave, bro.
- Jep, I have a man cave.

It's full of 13 year
old girls right now.

Hmm.

They declared it a no boyzone.

These girls, man, I don't
know what to do with them.

Well... it's not
the best, but...

You gotta do what you gotta do.

True.

Oh, my gosh, what now?

They have got to be more quiet.

Girls, y'all gonna have to
keep it down. No screaming.

Someone was
banging on the window.

I'm sure nobody was
banging on the window.

Yes, they were right there.

You saw a human being
bang on the window?

It was our friends Jack
and Julian, from school.

They told us they were
gonna mess with us

because they knew that
we were having a party.

- These are boys?
- Yes, sir.

You got a bat handy?

Well, Jep, we're not gonna
beat up two sixth graders.

I think they'd learn
a lesson, though.

- Yeah.
- Yes.

- Yeah.
- How'd they get over here

to be running around the yard?

I'm sure his brother took
'em. He takes 'em everywhere.

- That's the one we need to get.
- Yeah.

If you're the getaway
guy, your car is free game.

Yes.

When it's time to get revenge,

there's a saying about hitting
somebody back twice as hard.

What do you think we should do?

- I say we go tie 'em up to a tree.
- Yeah.

We should shave their hair off.

We don't kill 'em, obviously,
we're not crazy. But we tie 'em up...

Jep, we're not shaving anybody's
head and tying anybody up.

I think that's against the law.

Dang. That'd have
been a good idea.

I guess you could say my
prank ideas are a little extreme.

But I'm just trying to
think outside the box.

We get spray paint,
and we go to their house,

and just tag their
house... and their cars.

Which again, I think
that's against the law.

Or what we could do is
put a potato in the tailpipe...

- Yeah.
- And it'll just blow their motor up.

- Let's do it.
- Jep...

We're not gonna destroy
anything or hurt anyone.

Hmm... We can just
take the whole engine out.

Jep, we're not mechanics.

We could put a dead
fish just all up in his car.

Ew! That is so gross!

- Jep, quit getting so creepy.
- He ruined our night, we ruin his car.

That just gave me
another great idea.

We could put the boys in a box
and ship them somewhere really cold.

That would be a good one.

What else could we do to 'em?

All right, I get a forklift, we pick
the car up, take the tires off...

I've set one on four
boulders before...

That's a little crazy. I think
we should do this to their car.

What are those?
The sticky notes?

- Yeah.
- That's kinda cool.

- That's kind of cool.
- And it's legal.

All right, well, that idea is
way better than all of yours.

So next week, we'll get together,
find the car, and we'll do the deed.

- Why don't we just go tonight?
- You're having a sleepover.

No, this is gonna be fun.

- You know where they live?
- Yup.

All right. If y'all
wanna go tonight...

- Whoo!
- It's full tactical war, kids.

We're going to war, kids.

- Yeah, we're gonna bring a weapon.
- Jep! No weapons.

This is gonna be so fun!

This'll definitely
be a first for me.

- There he is!
- Gentlemen, what's going on?

Matt, we appreciate
you doing this.

I'm glad to help. Just
keep the noise levels down.

Look, you'll never
know we're here.

He knows we're here,
he's looking right at us.

- Hmm?
- He know we're here.

- What are you talking about?
- Huh?

- He's looking at us.
- Well, Si, it was a figure of speech.

- Are we gonna do this or not?
- One more stipulation here, guys.

We are watering the
golf course tonight,

so you probably need
to stick to the front nine.

If you go to the back
nine, you're gonna get wet.

- All right. Front nine only.
- All right.

Well, guys, let's just remember.
Keep this quiet, all right?

Yeah, you're never
gonna know we're here.

I've been wanting to try
night golf for a very long time.

All right, here's the bet: Whoever
loses has to buy all the donuts.

Deal.

I want an apple fritter.
Yeah. Just saying.

He's just saying, boys.

- I'll buy my own.
- I mean, you gotta buy 'em all.

- I don't wanna run out.
- You don't have to win.

- Just don't lose.
- Just don't lose.

Missy and the kids get back
from Africa early in the morning.

This is the perfect opportunity.

All right, let's get
this party started.

- Oh!
- Wow.

That's a pretty good shot.

- Come on, Martin.
- Here we go.

- Whoo! Perfect.
- All right, get out of the way.

- Look at that!
- Good shot, Godwin!

I'm gonna putt mine
farther than that.

Oh!

- Look at that!
- Bam!

If she comes back and I say,

"Babe, I was so excited
for you coming back,

I decided to stay up all night."

Uh-oh.

She'll probably cry.

In a good way.

- So this is out of bounds.
- What do you mean, out of bounds?

- It's out of bounds.
- Boy, I'm telling you,

it bounced right here and then
it looked like it went in the hole.

- Let's just write it off.
- No, that's my lucky ball.

- Oh.
- There it is, right there.

All right, you can't
play it from here.

- What do you mean, I can't hit here?
- This is out of bounds.

- I've done used my last Gilligan.
- No, it's Mulligan.

Well, I ain't gonna
leave my lucky ball here.

How can that ball be lucky, Si?

You hit the ball 80
yards left of the green.

I think I still should
be able to use it.

Hey, guys, what's going on?!

- Uh-oh.
- Hey!

Uh... Si?

He gone.

We're gonna be called "Jep
and the Angels of Death."

If you mess with us...

- They're all gonna die.
- Whoo!

- It looks good.
- That's not bad.

- All right.
- We're back.

Oh, yeah, you're
gonna look cool.

- Jep, what are you doing?
- Flames.

- That looks really good.
- Pretty awesome, huh?

Something Jep's
good at: make-up.

I'm gonna name us "Jep
and The Angels of Death."

- Whoo!
- Yeah!

- All right, is everybody ready?
- Let's go.

- Let's go before I get too tired.
- My troops are ready.

Everybody stay together.

- Listen to my cues, okay?
- Let's rock.

All right, this is the car?

- Yeah.
- All right.

- This is it.
- Shh! Jep, shut up.

- Why you videoing this?
- I wanna document this.

This is funny.

- Jep, get the camera out of my face.
- Look how small this car is.

As the youngest
of four brothers,

I've been on the wrong
side of a lot of pranks.

I remember a solid decade

where most of my days
started off with a swirly.

- Jep, do something, son.
- I am doing something.

- Merritt, how's it going, baby?
- Good.

- What you got going there?
- I just get a bunch and go...

Oh! That's it.
I'm out of battery.

- He gone.
- Shh. Whisper, whisper.

Let me tell you, being on the right
side of the prank is a lot more fun.

I can kind of understand why my
brothers were so brutal when we were kids.

- This has got to be covered, every inch.
- Shh.

- Merritt, every inch of that.
- Shh!

Let's get rid of this
right here, like...

- Shh.
- Yes, lay 'em on there.

- Shh! Jep!
- Make it rain up in here.

- Yeah.
- Shh!

It's actually pretty cool. Spray
paint would be better, but...

Jep, do you know how to whisper?

I mean, it's kind of awesome.

And the best part is, there's no
chance of my head going in the toilet.

Why did we put face paint
on? It's kind of dumb now.

Hey, hurry up, guys. Hurry up.

We're taking too long.

This is so much better
than their stupid prank.

Yes. Good job, girls.

Jep, do some work, son.

I'm overseeing this process.

- Jep, we got it.
- Mm.

All right, that's a par.

- Hey... I'll take it.
- That's a fart?

- Good par.
- Par.

Let me try to see if I
can get mine in, boys.

All right, tap it in.

Here it goes.

What in the world?

Hey, this is a stupid game.

Si, you're just mad 'cause
you gotta buy all them donuts.

I want fritters.

What do you mean, I
gotta buy the donuts?

Apple fritters.

It took you 12 shots
to get you right there.

Yeah. I'm gonna
take three Gilligans...

- No, it's a Mulligan.
- Whatever.

So that makes... Give me a nine.

But you ain't made that one yet.

Did you understand
I wanted fritters?

Oh, good grief.

I ain't worried about
your stupid fritters, okay?

If you get there early,

the apple fritters will be
real fresh. That's what I want.

When Jase said, "Hey,
we're gonna play golf at night,"

dumb me, I assumed
he meant miniature-golf.

- I want apple fritters.
- Nah.

Hey, that's what he wants,
get the man apple fritters.

- I mean, he's whooping you. Yeah.
- You lost fair and square.

What do you mean, I lost fair and square?
This is a stupid game, I done told y'all.

There are so many things I
like better rather than play golf.

You know, gnats, papercuts,

wedgies, the dentist, hangnails,

an empty bag of cookies,
the taste of, you know, earwax,

beard hair in your gum, gum in your
beard, you know, and then rotten cheese.

No, y'all ain't
getting apple fritters.

Y'all said donuts. Don't
be confusing the two.

Dough that's fried.

A fitter's a fritter,
a donut's a donut.

That's well past my prime, okay,
for playing sports, plus seeing things.

A man my age should be in bed.

This would be for birdie.

- No pressure.
- No pressure.

Come on, baby, let's do this.

This is such a stupid game.

I can't believe I even let
y'all talk me into doing this.

Si, I'm trying to putt here.

It's a stupid game anyway.

Si! I'm trying to putt here.

Here we go.

Stupid.

- He got it.
- Go in.

And he in, and he in, and he in!

Hey!

- That sucker's on fire.
- He's on fire.

- Okay!
- That's impressive.

- You know what I just realized?
- You need to play golf at night?

No, that moved to one under.

I've never been one
under after nine holes.

- That's awesome.
- We're gonna keep playing.

But we can't play the back nine.

I'm not gonna finish
at one under after nine.

What, I go and tell somebody
that I shot one under,

and they're like, "Oh, that's
great! You only played nine holes?"

But the sprinklers
are gonna come on.

I'm not letting a sprinkler system
get in the way of me making history.

You're gonna get us
kicked out of this club.

- Yeah, yeah.
- If it looks like I'm not gonna make it,

look, we'll leave.

Let's go ahead and just
stop this stupid nonsense.

We're out here
playing in pitch black.

All right, do we all
agree that Si can't win?

- Agreed.
- Yeah.

Look, you're not
gonna play anymore.

That'll save us
at least an hour.

- Yeah.
- So we're gonna make up time then.

And then you be my
caddy the rest of the time.

No! Nah.

You got one job, to let us
know where the sprinklers are.

- That's your job.
- Let's get out of here in a hurry,

I don't wanna get wet.

Well, we're heading for trouble.

- All right, let's go.
- I want apple fritters.

Nah, you ain't getting
apple fritters. Y'all said donut.

- All right, I think we got it.
- I think we got it!

This is awesome.

- Shh! Everybody be quiet.
- Picture time, everybody.

- Jep, we need to go.
- You should be like...

Let's go, we're waiting.

Yeah, what's up? Yeah!

This is how we do. Yeah!

Good pic, I like what
you're doing here.

- All right, we gotta roll, okay?
- Let me get in there.

But what do we do?
Wait, I'm not ready yet.

I was ready. I
was totally ready.

- Hey, girls...
- We do it.

- This is a blast.
- I like that.

Let's go.

Wait, let's take a couple
more pictures, yeah?

- Whoo!
- All right.

All right, I guess
I have to admit

I wasn't too fired up about hosting a
sleepover with a bunch of teenage girls.

You didn't have to admit
it, it was pretty obvious.

But I will say, I ended up having a
pretty good time, which was unexpected.

To be honest, I didn't think
you hosting the sleepover

was gonna be fun for us either.

Fair point.

But you make a pretty good PIC.

- What's a PIC?
- Partner in crime.

I'm not sure if that's
a good thing or not.

It's okay. It means you're cool.

- Cool.
- Ready?

Yup.

This was the best
sleepover ever.

See, that's how
you pull a prank off.

That was so much fun.

We should do this more often.

- Sleepovers?
- No, pranks.

All right, let's not
get carried away.

I can't wait to show mom.
I'm gonna send her a picture.

Wait till she gets back. We
may have to explain some of this.

Dude! Somebody just
moved in that window.

- Hey!
- Run!

- Come on!
- Let's go!

- Run for the hills!
- Every man for himself!

- All right, boys.
- You got this.

I'm actually nervous right now.

Good night, I'm
nervous. No pressure.

In a perfect world, this is easy, but
when you know what's riding on it...

This is the best
game you've ever had.

- Now you need to finish it.
- And if you don't, it means nothing.

I got it. Here we go.

If you blink, you
will miss it. Trust me.

Thanks, Si. I got it.

Don't bend your knees here.

- You think?
- Hit the ball right here.

I understand the concept, Si.

Or you could take a Gilligan,
whatever you wanna do.

For the last time,
it's called a mulligan.

- Like the squirrel mulligan.
- That's right.

- Squirrel mulligan?
- Taters, carrot,

- tomater paste, bell peppers...
- Can I do this?

- Just do it.
- Go for it. No pressure.

- All right, Tiger, let's go.
- This is history.

I've never done this before.

When's the last time you've done
something you've never done before?

Tonight. Playing night golf.

- That's not my point.
- There you go.

You missed my point.

All I need from my
best round ever,

is a par on the 18th. hole.

Chip it on the green, put
it in the hole, record round.

Right straight towards the pin.

- Go.
- There you go. Perfect.

All right, I can make that.

Four footer up the hill.

All right, it's all on
the line right here.

No bending your
knees on this. You putt.

Granted, it was my idea
to make Si my caddy,

so that we could finish this
round before the sun comes up.

I didn't count on the fact

that I was fixin' to get an
hour of endless, terrible, advice.

- You're up, boss.
- Si, I tell you what.

I will buy the donuts if
you'll just quit talking.

- Deal.
- And the fritters.

Godwin, I got you.
Fritters, fritters.

I want two of them.

I'm on the threshold
of a record round,

and if Si doesn't stop
yapping in my back swing,

I think I'm gonna find a
way to put him on an island,

never to be found.

This is one of those nights where
you'll remember where you were.

I'll be able to tell my children

the story of when I got
kicked out of Calvert Crossing.

- And here it comes, right here.
- Here it comes right now.

- Oh boy.
- Uh-oh.

- Jase.
- Matt. Hey.

- Are you lost, man?
- I know we had a deal.

For the front nine,

and I went down here to 18
green and I see a glow stick.

You know 18's not
on the front nine, right?

I was wondering
how you found us.

- Knock that in there, Martin.
- Get it, Martin.

- Nope.
- Oh, yeah, the glow stick.

Yeah. You trying to
get me fired, man?

Here's what happened. I
was one under par... after nine.

- In the dark? Damn!
- In the dark. Yeah.

And so I thought, this round
won't count unless I finish.

Yeah, we had a deal.

We do have a deal,
and that was my bad.

If you'll overlook this, you'll
get a lot of credit for that,

'cause you allowed
history to be made.

I don't want everybody to
know I allowed this to happen.

Yeah, that's true.

Well, maybe we can make
some kind of deal or something.

- I want a duck hunt.
- Deal.

- And a frog hunt.
- Deal.

- And...
- And the fritters.

- Deal.
- Okay.

We frog hunt out here?

- No.
- All right. Forget I asked.

- Forget I asked.
- No. Absolutely not.

- Your putter, boss.
- He's staring at four foot for par.

A hush falls over the crowd.

Good grief.

Okay, here we go.

Sprinklers on!

Uh-oh.

Si! What are you doing?!

- What?
- You are a terrible caddy.

Hey, we made a pact.

If the sprinklers come on, we were
supposed to say “sprinklers on."

We didn't say that!

Besides, you missed the
putt, you closed your eyes.

You hollered in my back swing!

Because the sprinklers came on.

Hey, Jase, I'll give you that one,
just so you don't ruin the whole night.

The night is ruined! I didn't
shoot my record round!

Are you still gonna buy
the donuts and fritters?

Yeah, he's buying
them. He made the deal.

No, you're buying them.

What? No. You made a deal.

I'm never gonna get my fritters.

They should be here any minute.

- Any minute.
- Any minute, boys.

When they get here, we eat.

I take my eggs over easy.

I take sausages well done.

I like big sausage.

Is breakfast almost
done? I'm hungry.

- Almost ready, boys.
- That's what I'm talking about.

I'm a little loopy.

Have you recovered
from that four putt yet?

I was this close...

He was that close,
and then he was that far.

Appreciate it, Si. Thanks
for ruining my night.

That's right.

That's awful purdy, Jep.

Oh, my goodness,
don't he look cute?

- That is precious.
- Oh, he's precious.

Look at him. How about that?

- Oh, my goodness!
- They made it out of Africa.

- I missed you so much.
- Mia, where's my hug?

- I didn't go to Africa.
- Oh, you weren't in Africa?

- No.
- Oh, I thought you did.

- Welcome back, Korie.
- Yeah, welcome back, mama.

Aw, thank you. Did you miss me?

Mm.

- No?
- It was educational.

I'm sorry I missed your
slumber party. How'd dad do?

Great. I want him to host all
my slumber parties from now on.

Really?

Hey, did you not think I
could handle a slumber party?

No.

So how was the sleepover?

- It was interesting.
- Yeah?

- Yeah.
- Interesting meaning?

- Interesting.
- Oh, my goodness. Oh, no.

Do I need to get
an Ebola shot now?

- Are y'all medically cleared?
- Oh, my goodness.

It was a pretty different
slumber party, very colorful.

What are you talking
about? Like, what did y'all do?

Arts and crafts, kinda.

Something tells me I'm
not getting this whole story.

- Well...
- Okay.

Maybe it's something
I don't want to know.

I'll tell you all about it
while we're eating, so...

Okay. Smells good. I'm hungry.

All right. Y'all ready to eat?!

It looks good. Let's eat.

- Gather up at the table.
- Everybody sit down, boys.

All right, guys, let's pray.

Father, we're
thankful for our family

and all the many
blessings You've given us.

We're so glad our family's
back together again.

And we pray that we can
help others all over the world.

- We love You through Jesus, amen.
- Amen.

- Let's get on them biscuits.
- Hand me one of them apple fritters.

For better or worse, our
expectations can get the best of us,

whether it's a round of night
golf getting a little too competitive,

or your daughter's slumber
party turning into a prank battle.

But managing your expectations

is a great way to avoid
being disappointed.

Sure, things don't always
play out the way we want,

but there's not
always mulligans in life.

Or, as Si would
call them, Gilligans.

Willie, why are there three bags
of sticky notes in the kitchen?

Busted.