Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 11, Episode 4 - Uneasy Rider - full transcript

Let her rip, potato chip.

- Gah.
- A piece of junk.

Come on.

- Uh-oh. Gah!
- Whoa.

- Whoa!
- Golly.

Come on in here.

Come on, wind.

I think I've caught the
smallest fish ever caught.

- Come on, eagle.
- How long y'all planning on fishing?

- Would you rather go back to work, Jep?
- Yeah, man. It's hot.

- Oh, it's hot.
- This is work.



- This is research and development.
- Well, it feels like fishing.

So Jase decided today

he wanted to go fishing
instead of working.

Why would you want to
leave when we're catching fish?

Because I'm thirsty,
and I'm hot, dude.

Normally, I would
be all for that,

but not when it's a
million degrees outside.

We're in the outdoors. This
is where I do my best thinking.

Don't get me wrong, work stinks.

I do my best
thinking on the pot.

But so does swamp butt.

And I kind of got to go there.

It's not often you'll hear me
say, "I wish I was at work."

I can't believe
we're still out here.



But, man, I wish I was working.

- Oh!
- Oh, look out, Si.

- Hey, give it line.
- Look.

You're drawing that duck.

- Feed it, Godwin.
- Feed it, Godwin. Feed it.

Keep flying the kite.

Boom.

- That's all of it.
- All right, that's it.

- I've got another one in my truck.
- Hang on.

- It's a no fly zone.
- I just got an idea.

What is the weakest
link in duck hunting?

- Si?
- No.

- Decoys.
- Decoys.

You're thinking
all the decoy line.

What do they got? Flappers...

- Shakers, movers.
- Divers.

- Hoppers.
- Flashers.

They don't have one that
comes up to down into the water.

Godwin has inspired
me to take the decoy

to the next level: Flight.

You see ducks
coming, you just...

You burn your gun barrels off.

That's what we have to harness.

And boldly go where no
duck hunter has gone before.

What we need is some
kind of pulley system.

- Some pulleys?
- Like a zip line.

A zip line. That's what we need.

Up until now,

zip lines were silly things
used by yuppies on vacations.

I can't believe I
didn't think of it.

I can.

Oh, that's very rude of you.

And now, they're
going to revolutionize

the duck hunting
world as we know it.

- Hey!
- We've got an eater.

- Winning.
- See?

I told you we were doing
research and development.

It could be the
zip line of death.

Yeah. Zip line of death.
That's what we need.

- The ZOD. Z-O-D.
- The ZOD.

Well, we're coming up
with all kind of ideas today.

♪♪

All right, I think I found the perfect
slightly used car for you, Will.

- I am liking what I am seeing.
- I've got a surprise for you.

It's affordable and you are
going to absolutely love this.

- I am.
- All right.

Joey, how you doing? I'm Willie.

- What's going on, Willie?
- Nice to meet you.

- This is Will.
- Hi. Will.

Y'all ready to go check it out?

No, we're ready to see it, so...

- Is it not these two?
- Oh, no.

These are my daughter's cars.

Not for you. We've
got something sweet.

Will's at the age where
he's learned how to drive.

He's getting his license, and
he wants to go car shopping.

I'm just looking
for a real cool car.

He wants something here.

When you turn
it on, it's like...

Probably going to
get something here.

More than what you
expected, ain't it?

It's more than what
we expected, right, Will?

Yeah.

Hello, Officer Will.

- That's...
- It's got a light on it.

What is that? What is that?

- Um...
- This is...

That car is terrible.

- It's cool, isn't it?
- No.

It's bleh! It's gross.

- It's like, bling!
- Bleh.

- Bling!
- No.

Oh, lookie here, huh?

Look at this, Will. What?!

Dad, I'm not going
to drive this to school.

I'll be the laughingstock there.

- You won't be the laughingstock...
- Yes, I will. It says "police" on it.

You're essentially
deputized by even driving it.

Can you drive a standard?

Well, we'll teach you
how to drive that, too.

No.

Whoo!

- Just no.
- She's purring like a kitten,
Will.

Joey, I think we're at that point
where we need to make a deal.

No.

So what's it going to take
to get us in this ride today?

Hold on. Time out.
Time out. Time out.

No offense. I just
really do not want this.

Will, this is the
perfect vehicle.

- No.
- It's small, compact.

You can get it in weird parking
spots that no one else can get in.

- No.
- Probably a chick magnet.

Nope.

You said you wanted
something unique.

Can I just get, like, a car
that looks cooler than this?

There's nothing that
looks cooler than that.

Those two right there. Those
look extremely cooler than that.

Ah.

- You'll warm up to it.
- Never.

That's what your mom said
about me when she first met me.

I mean, y'all were
in third grade.

Well, how do you like me now?

- Will, just think about it.
- I already thought about it.

I've got three people lined up
to come look at it after y'all do.

The man's got
three people lined up.

That's awesome, they
can have it. I've got to pass.

All right, well, look.

Whatever you're going to get has got
to be a viable mode of transportation.

Get you from point A to point B.

This guy will do it in style.

- No.
- Well, Joey, I'm sorry.

- Sorry to waste your time.
- Oh, well.

I appreciate it again, man.
You've got a nice place here.

All right, brother.

God, Will, I thought
you would love that.

I didn't.

- Let's get her done.
- We're here.

Now what?

This is the future.

The future?

This is the future of duck
hunting as we know it.

Oh, the future.

We're changing the
future right here today.

So how we going to do it?

I've got a bunch
of crappy reels.

We'll take the line.

We'll tie it to the
top of the tree.

We'll let the decoy come down

- when you push the button.
- All right.

Who's going to climb the trees?

- Not me.
- Not me.

Okay, I'll take care
of the tree climbing.

- Let's do it.
- I'll start on the fishing reel.

Give me a line.

We are on the
threshold of greatness.

I'll tell you what, take the ladder
and make it like a bridge right here.

This is the day the duck
invention comes to life.

- Go, Martin, go!
- Go, Martin! Go, boy!

Are y'all just going
to do it like that?

This is not the
most skilled crew.

- Bridge installed.
- Hey, bridge installed, boys.

First class job.

But I am confident

that I will be looked upon

as the father of
the zip line of death.

All right, look.
If I get snake bit,

one of you heroes cut
it with a pocket knife

- and then suck the poison out.
- No.

- No.
- No, you dead.

- No. He gone.
- Nope. You're going to die, buddy.

- Sorry.
- No.

This perhaps could put me in
the Duck Hunting Hall of Fame.

If we had one.

- Watch out, it's a bat!
- A snake!

Y'all leave the man alone! You're
fixing to make him fall off the ladder.

What are you doing?

All right. I'm stabilizing
that so y'all can cross it.

- "So y'all"? Who?
- No.

I'm going to go get the rest
of the stuff out of the truck.

Yeah, I've got to
unload the truck.

All right, Jep,
cross this thing.

Why do I got to come over there
and watch you climb the tree?

I can watch you from here.

Hey! I didn't come out
here to do all the work.

And then, you take it like this,

- and you do like this.
- Yep.

Try not to die, bro.

Hey, but don't
worry. I can raise Mia.

I'll take Cole. He's a pretty
productive member of society.

Reed's on his own.

He's on his own. He old enough.

- Watch it! Watch it! Watch it!
- All right.

That ain't too stout where you're
standing there with your left leg.

- Watch that limb.
- That little one is tiny.

- I wouldn't trust that.
- Oh, goodness.

- What happened?
- Cottonmouth.

Oh, I see him up under
that log. Boy, that is a bull.

- And hey, that is a hoss!
- Yes, I'm barefooted,

and I've got a freaking
cottonmouth right under my foot.

- You got a pencil?
- That's a bad place to be.

- Whoo.
- What I can I do

- to help you from right here?
- Not a thing.

Keep going up. Go up.

- Okay, almost died.
- Good grief.

- Oh.
- What's going on?

- What's up?
- How's the driving lessons been?

- They were good.
- Really good.

Pulled off an eight-point turn.

Eight-point turn? I think it's
supposed to be a three-point turn.

- Well, we're getting there.
- Let me guess.

You've been looking at cars.

- Yeah.
- Let me guess.

It's way more than I
said you could spend.

- No.
- Mm-mmm.

I'm actually shocked.
Where is this vehicle?

♪ Ah! ♪

Right there.

That's not a vehicle.
That's a motorcycle.

It's affordable, though.

You are not going
to drive a motorcycle.

I don't really like the idea
of Will driving a motorcycle,

because frankly,
they're dangerous.

- It looks cool, it's fast, it's...
- It has good gas mileage.

Yes.

John Luke, what are
you even doing here?

Just here for my brother.

When are you
going back to school?

- Well, you said it had to be
unique.
- You said that.

And it's a lot
cheaper than a car.

You said you wanted that.

Okay, you got me
on a technicality here.

I implied four wheels.

That's not what
you said, though.

I'm just going off
of what you said.

Here's the deal. If your
favorite food is cereal,

- you don't need a motorcycle.
- No, it's not.

It's not. My favorite
food is not cereal.

What do you eat the most of?

When you're eating
cereal out of salad bowls,

you don't need a motorcycle.

Here's the deal.
You wreck a jeep?

Hopefully, you walk away.
You still got all your limbs.

I have most of mine.

You wreck that, maybe you don't.

If you want something with two
wheels, I'll make a deal right here.

You can have a
bike. It has no motor.

All right.

Those things are dangerous.
They're really fast, too.

Do not get on it.
Do not test drive it.

- All right.
- I'll see y'all back at the house.

Yeah, you're going to
need a leather jacket now.

Yeah.

Any second, he'll be here.

What are we doing?

I've got a little life
lesson for you today.

- It's so hot out here.
- Yes, well,

if you're on a
motorcycle, guess what?

You have to be
in this heat all day.

You don't have a roof.

There it is. That's
a loud thing.

That's awesome.

Hey!

See? You've got to
do that, and that's hard.

- What's happening?
- You must be Cadillac.

- Yes, sir.
- Driving a motorcycle.

- Yes, sir.
- With all the iron.

- How's it going?
- How's it going?

Look, Lil' Will is
still under my roof,

which means I make the rules

and can easily no to
this motorcycle idea.

So you want a motorcycle.

Well, I was hoping you
could explain to him,

you know, how bad it is.

But what is that
going to teach him?

He'll just go out and buy
one as soon as he turns 18.

How many wrecks have you had?

- Oh, man. You lose count.
- There you go.

So instead, with
the help of this biker,

who's been in a
bunch of accidents,

I'm going to
scare Will straight.

But it's cool.

Right. Cool, like...

not cool.

By the end of this conversation,

I expect Will to be looking to
get behind the wheel of a minivan.

I've been riding for years,
laid plenty of them down.

But not at this age. You weren't
riding at this age, were you?

- Yeah.
- Nice.

Have you ever
like, ripped off...?

- Whole sides.
- Whole side.

Filleted him like an onion.

But I get up and
get right back on.

- That's awesome.
- That's not awesome.

- Chicks love scars.
- Yes.

That's actually not scientific.

- But they're cool, though.
- Oh, they're not cool.

Yes, you got one on your arm.

They're like, "Oh, my
gosh. What is that?"

It's like, "My scar."

I've got to beg to
differ on this one.

See this helmet? I
don't even need it.

I've got a metal
plate in my head.

That's awesome.

When you get a metal
plate in your head,

you're that close from
what's inside spilling out.

But usually the chicks love it.

Let's go back to how
you lay them down

all the time on the road.

Clearly, this is not what I
intended Cadillac to tell you.

The thing that I really liked about it was
how he has that metal plate in his head.

I want you to pretty much forget
everything that guy just said.

Kind of hard to forget
these awesome stories.

Two wheels are more
dangerous than four.

Oh, they're dangerous,
but it's fun to ride.

Yeah, it's fun to ride.

The wind in your beard.

You can roll the window
down in your truck.

Well, this guy was supposed
to scare the mess out of you,

not encourage
you to be like him.

I mean, you always told us, like, what
doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I meant, like,
basketball, football,

not 80 miles an
hour down asphalt.

Okay, well, Cadillac,
I know you're busy,

and you probably need
to roll on down the road.

I'm free all day.

If you're wanting to talk
more about motorcycles...

- Nah, we're good.
- Yeah!

Cadillac, thank you
for coming down.

- Good luck to you.
- Thanks, man.

- Thank you.
- Hope you learned something today.

- All right.
- I really don't think he did,

but all right. That
was a disaster.

That was awesome.

Okay.

Y'all rig up the decoy
while I rig the line.

♪ Just a man in the tree ♪

Where's them fishing
reels? Oh, here's one of them.

- There's one of them.
- I got one.

He's done set to drag.

Say, that one's bending
pretty good there.

- The one I'm sitting on?
- Yeah, I'd be careful.

Oh, look. Here,
we can duct tape it.

That way, they don't see it.

Hey, good. Hey, I like it.

- I've got something.
- Nah, duct tape it.

I know this was
Jase's brainchild,

but I am the most
experienced man on this crew.

Hold it. Don't do it that way.

- You're going to have to do it this way.
- No!

No! They're all going
to be facing each other.

You've got to
have it facing out.

Boom. Done.

I'm kind of like that
guy, Benjamin Buttons.

The older I get, the
younger my brain gets.

- What are y'all doing?
- We're testing it.

- You ready?
- Yeah.

- Bam!
- How about that?

- I'd shoot him.
- Yeah.

Hopefully, I'm not going to
turn into a baby anytime soon.

Winga, winga, winga!

But if I did, the joke
is on these guys

because they would
have to change my diaper!

All right, look. I need
a man to come out here

and put a cinder block
out there about 60 yards.

- Not it.
- I'm too old.

- All right, Si's out.
- I'm too short.

- Jep.
- You're already out there.

- You're already wet.
- That's not how it works.

Just jump in there.
Come on back here.

- Hey.
- What we'll do this time,

- we'll do it by age.
- Jep, you're the youngest.

- I am 147 years old.
- No.

- Jep, let's go.
- Okay.

All right. Blah, blah, blah.

- Go ahead and get wet.
- Hey, here.

I'll throw that to you
when you get out there.

Yeah, we'll throw it to you.

Get two cinder blocks so you
don't have to walk but once.

Two cinder blocks?!

What do I look like,
Arnold from Commando?

Okay. Okay. We're
getting deeper here.

I don't want to lose these.

Hey, don't lose them
Tom Cruise glasses.

- See how...?
- Whoa! Baby!

That's all of him.

Big surprise.

When it comes down to doing
the most dangerous part of this job,

none of these guys
have the stones to do it.

Whoa.

Whoa, don't lose the
block! Don't lose the block!

It's one thing to climb a tree.

It's another thing swimming in
murky water, carrying a cinder block.

Don't forget about
that cottonmouth, Jep.

With venomous snakes and who
knows what else lurking out there.

- There you go, boy.
- Atta boy!

Whoa.

Who's in charge of
search and rescue?

That doesn't mean I'm not
here to support my brother.

I didn't sit back and
watch like these other guys.

Gah!

- I wish I had some popcorn to watch it.
- I'm telling you.

I mean, that's what I did until now,
but this more than makes up for that.

- Oh, yeah.
- That's perfect, boys.

Jep, good work. Now I need
three more cinder blocks.

- I can't do it.
- Hey, only three more to go.

- That's right.
- Three more.

- You've only got three more, boy.
- Just do it three more times.

Here comes Tarzan, boys. Oh,
there's a big crocodile behind him!

I ain't getting in that mud.

- Oh, ooh.
- Oh, my goodness.

You ain't riding in my truck.

- Oh, my goodness.
- Gah!

- Hey.
- What's up, player?

You said you wanted to see me?

I said I wanted to talk
to you, not John Luke.

Well, he was already with me.

What, are y'all like
the Bobbsey Twins?

- I just wanted to see what happened.
- All right.

Your mom and I
have talked it over.

We've come to a conclusion.

We've come to a conclusion.

We've decided that you
can get a motorcycle.

- Yeah!
- Yes.

Yeah. There you go.

But you will be responsible
for your insurance.

What?

- Think about getting a job.
- Wait.

And you have to
take a special course

- and get a special license.
- Wait.

And you have to pay
for any accessories.

Helmets, gloves, biker chaps.

Just about everything we've
done has backfired with Lil' Will.

But I've got one more ace up my
sleeve: responsibility and money.

Well, that would be two aces.

Just... you know
what I'm saying.

So how much is all
of that going to cost?

Probably two or
three grand a year.

Two or three grand a year?

- Yeah.
- Somebody has to pay the difference.

And it's going to be the person
who wants the motorcycle.

I hate it, but...

I feel like this is a good way to
handle it, rather than just saying no.

Leave the decision up to him.

It's a compromise.

Now, there is another option.

If you choose to buy a regular
car, we will pay your insurance.

At least until you're 18.

Does that mean I could still
keep looking at sports cars?

It needs to have four doors
and at least four wheels.

- Sweet.
- See? You came to a good decision.

All right. We're going
to go cook dinner.

Cool.

Well done.

You know, I think this is a
good family compromise.

Will I get a car?

I'm just glad it's
not a motorcycle.

I'm just glad everybody's safe.

- I'm really happy.
- I'm just here.

I told you. Scare them into
thinking you want a motorcycle.

Then, you can get
whatever you want.

You're a genius.

That's how you make a deal.

I didn't have help going through
all this. I had to do it alone.

Sadie was talking the other day

how much John Luke
helped her learn to drive.

Later on, I had to help Rebecca,
cause she didn't speak English, so...

Didn't help me much.

- All right. Let's go for a ride.
- All right.

- Eh, you can drive.
- Sweet.

- I don't know where my keys are, though.
- They're in your pocket, genius.

Hmm. Okay.

And we're here.

- All right.
- No break. No break, boys.

- No break.
- Oh, man!

I wore my wrong shoes.

- A little muddy.
- Thunderstorm. Thunderstorm.

Dude, this is going
to blow your mind.

It'd better blow my mind.

- You owe me for a pair of shoes.
- It's worth getting wet and muddy.

Well, you should've
told me to wear boots.

It's Louisiana. It rains!

- Without notice.
- Hey, that's it.

Quit being a wimp.

Besides, once you see this,

you'll forget about
the wind and the rain.

Built by the visionaries.

Willie's going to take
one look at this and say,

"Jase, you're a genius.

Thank you for being my brother."

What's the weakest
link in duck hunting?

- Si.
- No.

- Besides Si.
- Decoys.

- Decoys.
- Until now.

Until now.

This is a groundbreaking idea.

It's actually a water
breaking idea, wouldn't it?

Because they were on the
water, and now, they're flying.

So you've got painted pieces of
plastic that are making duck sounds.

We've been having
those for a hundred years.

You can already hear people say,

"Congratulations, Jase.

The zip line of
death is awesome."

After a lengthy amount of
research and development...

Probably half a day.

Feast your eyes on the tree...

and prepare for greatness.

- Hit it.
- Here we go.

- There he goes, boys.
- Whee!

- Uh-oh.
- Uh-oh.

Easy. Easy.

- Less easy.
- Pop him, boys. Kill it!

Is that it?

And now all you've
got to do is sell it.

We probably should
have tested it first.

Is this why you drag me out
here and got me all muddy?

Even if this
contraption did work,

it's not mass
producible or sellable.

Y'all been wasting all
your time doing this?

What do you mean, wasting time?

- This took a lot of time.
- Hey.

Can you imagine the
instructions for this thing?

Step one: Swim into a
swamp with a cinder block.

Step two: Sue Duck Commander.

- I'm going to get him.
- I swam with snakes for this?

Even if I were
able to sell it...

The first time you shoot it, all
this stuff is going to hit the water.

You'd have someone like Si,

who'd manage to shoot the
thing down within five minutes.

I can't sell this thing.

Your idea man right here,
he don't want to sell it.

I'm the idea man.

Well, he don't want
to sell your idea.

- Mr. Negative.
- He's a dream killer.

That's what I do.

Wait until you see
it in duck season!

Oh, good night! Garter snake.

Let's get a new idea of
making more duck calls.

Ow!

You owe me a pair of shoes.

Hey, Si? I've got
something for you.

- Hey, you caught a snake.
- Hey, you're fixing to get wet.

Let me reload, boy.

All right.

I'm going to drown him.

I'll pour this whole jug on you.

All right, y'all
ready? Let's pray.

Father, we're so
thankful for this day,

and thank You for all
the blessings you give us.

And Father, we just pray
that we always live for You.

Thank you for Jesus,
through Whom we pray.

- Amen.
- Amen.

Sometimes, we let our
aspirations get the best of us.

Jase got so caught up in
revolutionizing duck decoys

that he didn't stop to
consider practicality,

and my son let his need for
speed get in the way of his safety.

We don't always recognize
where our goals cloud our judgment.

But setting each other
straight is what family is for.

And I'm fixing to send Will straight to
the sedan section of the car dealership.

Hey, Willie? What if we
put some sort of parachute...

Give it up, Jase.