Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 11, Episode 2 - Automation Frustration - full transcript

All right, the moment
we've been waiting for.

The bear in The Revenant...

- Yup.
- Was not real.

He was a blue bear,
not a grizzly bear.

That's a bunch of crap what
he's reading. I'm serious.

I'm telling you,
the bear is real.

- Special effects, Si.
- Nah, ain't no special effects.

Was the shark in Jaws real?

It looked real, didn't it?

- You gone get that?
- Come in!

Open the door.



- Hey, idiot, open it.
- You got it.

Squeeze on in there.

Oh, hey, buddy.

Someone open the door
when you're knocking.

- What is that, a generator?
- Nope.

Is that heavy?

All right, this is 3D printer.

Where's the paper go?

There's no paper.
It's all a computer...

I thought a printer printed
pieces of paper with writing on it.

- Yeah.
- That's a regular printer.

That's 2D. 3D.

I got a 3-D printer

so we can start producing
our duck call prototypes here.



In business, if you're not
doing something in house,

you're just throwing all your
money down the outhouse.

This is your new co-worker.

He's like y'all, except he's
very efficient and doesn't talk.

So actually, it's
nothing like y'all,

but this is gonna be
your best friend, all right?

- What's his name?
- I don't know.

- Red?
- Yeah, you can call him Red.

- Red?
- Red.

- Ol' Red.
- I wanna get to know Red.

I haven't even
plugged this thing in yet,

and it's already one of my
most productive workers.

All right, well,
here's the manual.

Look, y'all read up on it,

because I wanna get some
molds of duck calls printed out.

- I'll be back in a few hours.
- All right.

Next time, open the
door when I knock.

- Yeah.
- Yup.

- I could've thrown my back out.
- Yeah.

Once it gets up and running,

it's practically a shoe-in
for employee of the month.

We got a printer, and
look how thick this is.

Those are awesome. Have
you seen the stuff they make?

Luckily, I have a
photographic memory.

- He does.
- "Portable 3D Printer

Assembly Instructions."

Not reading a book that thick.

- You might wanna get that out.
- We'll figure it out.

I've looked at some
of the numbers,

and everything's looking
pretty good at the Ice Cabin.

Not bad for a first business.

So, these are my records.

And as you can see,
everything's going pretty good.

John Luke, this is
not really organized.

How would you ever know what
you sold by just looking at this?

You see, it says,

"M-G-R-N-A-P-P-L..."

Medium green apple.

How am I supposed
to... look at all that?

I don't know.

John Luke saying
that he wanted to follow

in my footsteps
as an entrepreneur

was one of my proudest
moments as a parent.

But it's obvious the
boy has a ways to go

before the Warren Buffet-type
money starts rolling in.

The word on the street is that
you're giving away too many samples,

especially to friends
and even some family.

So no more free samples.
You don't get any of it.

Well, I can get free
samples, of course.

'Cause you hit it
pretty hard last year.

Most of that was
product research.

- Right.
- John Luke may have inherited

my name and my ambition,

but it's clear that everything
else was donated by his mom.

The other problem is,
you're just not here a lot.

I feel like you may
just have to come back.

All the way back from Liberty?

I mean, at least
maybe once a month.

Did mom tell you
to tell me this?

- We discussed it.
- Hmm...

Not that that's a bad thing.

I'm not saying
that's a bad thing.

Can we start over? 'Cause that
last one is not gonna go well for me.

But overall, not bad
for a first business.

I do have one
suggestion, though.

So, as you can see
from the records,

in the winter we are not
selling very many snow cones.

Why aren't we selling
any in the winter?

I thought about it, and I think
it's because it's cold outside.

I've never had a
problem with that. Huh.

I think to compensate
for that, we try soup.

Like... soup?

Yeah, like soup. Yeah.

- Soup?
- Hot, tasty soup.

- I hate soup.
- Yeah, but people like soup.

I don't want to put back
everything that we've made

back into a soup operation,

but if you wanna fund it,
then knock yourself out.

- Okay.
- Willie, you busy?

- Yeah, I'm busy.
- Good.

I've got a bone
to pick with you.

Si, I'm kind of in the middle
of something right now.

I know. You didn't need to buy
that expensive double D printer.

It's not a double D printer.

Eight years ago I
asked you for a raise,

- and you said, "Hey, nope..."
- Eight years ago?

"Budget's tight, money's
tight, can't give you a raise."

And then, hey, you buy
this super expensive printer.

- Yeah, 'cause we need one.
- No, the old one was good enough.

I've looked at the budgets.

Unfortunately, at this
time, things are tight...

That was the same line
you gave me eight years ago!

"Budget's tight,
didn't plan for it."

Well, I have an idea
you can invest in.

Oh, John Luke...

At the Ice Cabin,
we serve snow balls,

but we're trying
to move into soup.

This is revolutionary!

You heat 'em with
soup, and then, look,

they gotta buy more
snow cones to cool down.

Exactly.

And you make the
soups even hotter.

You put pepper in them.

Cause then their
mouth is on fire,

- so they put ice. We sell ice.
- That's it, sell more snow cones.

There you go.

John Luke, I've seen this
movie. It don't end well.

Man, yesterday I
had a grilled cheese,

and for some reason
I put tomato on it.

- You ever done that?
- Grilled cheese and tomatoes?

- Yeah.
- Be better with bacon on it.

Of course, everything's
better with bacon.

Well, boys, I did it.

One of my life's
dreams has come true.

You're a pirate.

Look what I made.

Throwing star?

Ninja throwing star
With my name on it.

You made that?!

I made it on that 3D
printer. That took forever.

I had to read the manual,
there were some big words

- I had to look up, but...
- Lemme see it.

That came off that printer?

Yes, sir. You can make anything.

Sky's the limit.

- What about a wiffle ball?
- Oh, yeah.

- A whistle?
- Yeah.

- Belt buckles?
- Yeah, sure.

I don't have a belt, but if
I did, I'd make a buckle.

You could make a belt buckle
with a ninja throwing star on it.

As soon as Willie set
that 3D printer down,

I saw the future
flash before my eyes.

With a little foresight
and ingenuity,

I could probably
take over the world.

What about a pair of shoes?

Plastic shoes with
no laces, I guess.

Hey, you can make
some mash taters with it.

No. Can't make mash potatoes.

Popcorn. We can
make some popcorn.

No, it's plastic, Godwin.

- Tater chips.
- Nope.

- Sour cream.
- No.

- Macaroni and cheese.
- No.

But not without some help.

Every great super villain has a
super useless right hand man.

Look, it doesn't make
things that's not plastic.

Have you ever eaten
plastic, Godwin?

No, not yet.

- Is that a challenge?
- No.

The Brain had Pinky.

All the Sith Lords
had their apprentices.

Regina George had the Plastics.

In this case, I got Godwin.

Y'all gotta see how
this thing works.

Hold on. We need a target.

Oh, I got a target.

- Fire in the hole.
- Get him in the nose.

Get 'em, Godwin.

- Right in the eyeball!
- Let's go make more stuff.

- I say wiffle ball's next.
- I need a new crankbait.

- Popcorn!
- Godwin.

Yeah.

- Hey! What's going on?
- 'Sup, man?

- What happened to the sign?
- That was your uncle.

He put this sign up, wrote this
on my shirt while I was wearing it.

Oh, my gosh.

Plus, he can't
get my name right.

And he's been barking
orders at me all day.

- Hey, Ron!
- It's Brian.

Whatever. Don't forget
you gotta mop the roof.

What's with all the
improvements? We don't need this.

The better you look,
the more you sell.

That dude is
just... straight crazy.

He's gonna help us a lot more.

This generation,
they're pitiful.

They ain't got a
clue about business.

They're out there drifting in the ocean,
okay, like a big boat with no wings.

Luckily, I'm here
to save the day.

Can I have a medium
pink lemon sour?

No, ma'am, you don't want
that. That's a terrible flavor.

You look like the
cherry cola type to me.

- What?
- You can't say it's terrible.

I'm part owner, I
got this job down.

Cherry cola, coming up.

Look, my soup investment comes

with a side order of Si-got it.

Si-dance, if you will.

Don't mind if I do,
thank you very much.

Good grief.

I got news for you, dummy.

I got the mind for
business, okay?

And there's no business
like snow business.

- Blackberry snow cone, please.
- That's a horrible flavor.

Si! Hold off on that.

You're an investor, so
let's get Brian off the roof...

This is dumb.

And me and you can
work on the big picture.

Let me let him know.

Hey, Ryan! You can
get off the roof now.

You need to come in here
and handle the customers.

- It's Brian, man!
- You're right.

Okay, so... for soup this
Winter, what are you thinking?

Look, if we get any
of the gabacho soup...

- Gazpacho?
- Batcho soup?

Gazpacho soup, yeah.

Every time I order
it, it's always ice cold.

I think gazpacho's
supposed to be cold, though.

I know, that's what got
me thinking. Summer soup.

We can wait for
the soup, though.

We have until winter
to figure it all out.

Wait a minute,
why not sell it now?

We got a gold mine right
here in cold summer soups.

Um...

All right, Godwin, you ready?

Come on, come on.

That was out. That was too high.

- Godwin, it was right down the middle.
- It was not.

- The goose head was my target...
- No, it was too high.

Look, you're a big man.
You got a big strike zone.

Hey, you could've made one of these
with my name on it instead of yours.

I was making different sizes,

and I didn't wanna screw up
a name that takes a long time.

- It's three more letters.
- Plus, I'm the only ninja here,

- let's be honest.
- Oh.

- You ready?
- Come on.

Oh!

- You're not watching the ball, Godwin.
- That's tough.

Oooh.

All right, strike three, you're
out. We'll try again later.

I need to eat my cereal anyway,
but I forgot my stinkin' spoon.

I gotta go get one.

I can make you one, but
it's going to take a little while.

My cereal will get soggy though.

Yeah, but it'll be awesome.

- I'll wait.
- Yeah, let's do it.

This 3D printer has turned out to be
way more fun than I could ever expect.

It's basically like having one of
Santa's elves at your command.

Godwin, that cereal
is getting soggy.

- Boy, it is.
- I mean, but do you really care?

- I'm gonna eat it anyway.
- That's what I'm saying.

You might think we're
just horsing around,

but really we're just practicing

for when we make
duck call prototypes.

Which we'll get
to... eventually.

All right, this is
going to take awhile.

Stand by, buddy.

We can play some
more wiffle ball.

Oh. Sweet.

How's our new co-worker?

- We got her going.
- What are we working on?

Here. Check that out.

- What is this?
- Pretty cool, ain't it?

- You made a throwing star?
- We made seven throwing stars.

The first ones were a little
weak. Check this one out.

That one will stick in
anything you throw it.

Have y'all made
anything we can sell?

- We made a bat.
- Look, wiffle ball.

We had to know the
possibilities of what it could make.

You're supposed to be
making duck call prototypes.

We're trying to make
a spoon right now.

- A pocket spoon.
- Yeah.

It doesn't even work.

You're gonna have a number
eight that's gonna be perfect.

Okay, I should've known.
Playtime's over, boys.

What about my spoon?

I'm gonna take this to my office
and I'm gonna make some prototypes.

Don't be a fun sucker.

I ain't the fun
sucker, I'm the boss.

- You're a fun sucker.
- Well, that's not very nice.

Sorry, buddy. We tried.

I mean, you could always just...

Oh, I'll get it eat.

Needs a little bit of spice.

A little paprika.

Put a little oregano
in this. Bam! Bam!

I'm fixin' to doctor
it up. Oh, yeah!

This is looking so good.

Bam! Bam! Bam!

This is probably gon'
be the best seller.

The Piña Colada Cream Chowder.

Ugh.

All right, here's
the girls, boys.

♪ We at the ice cabin,
getting snow cones! ♪

Whoo!!

- Look, I hope you all hungry.
- What are you doing here?

I just invented my sweet soups.

I'll let you all start out
with the Blueberry Bisque.

This is not what I was here for.

Does that look good or what?

- Not really.
- Nope.

See what you think. Give
it a taste and give it a whirl.

Si, that looks
terrible, to be honest.

People always say you
can't change a classic.

To those people,
this is what I say:

"Try this Piña Colada
Clam Chowder."

- I don't think I can do this.
- I don't think I can eat this.

Hey, that's the greatest
thing since the bubblegum.

If you don t' stand out,

you've got to start getting people
what they don't even know they want.

Cherry Noodle soup.
Cream of Colada.

Key lime chowder.
Besgacho-Buttersctocho.

Here's a good one for
you: Bubblegum Bisque.

Tooti-Frooti Tortilla.

Banana Borscht.

Hey, here's my favorite:
hot and sour grape.

Ready? One, two, three.

- Ew.
- Oh, my gosh.

- Good, wasn't it?
- That was disgusting.

Si, this is not
good. It's horrible.

- Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
- I almost threw up.

Well, go throw up over yonder.
Don't throw up at the window.

Come on down, okay,

and treat yourself to Sweet
Summer Soups, you idiot.

I'll let y'all taste
the chowder.

- No.
- Oh, look at this, boys.

- Perfect.
- Ugh.

Is that pretty or what?
Here. What do you think?

In a cone?

You gotta think
visionary here, boys.

Try it out and see
what you think.

- Oh.
- Delicious, isn't it?

I think we can all agree

that putting snow cone flavors
in the soup is not a good idea.

- Not a good idea.
- I'm going to the office.

- Okay.
- I cooked you up

three batches of
the best soup ever,

and y'all can't taste it.

John Luke, this
is not good... at all.

We gotta end it.

That's what Willie
don't understand.

You gotta test the
durability of something.

You ready?

- That's all of it.
- He gone.

- I loved that wiffle ball.
- You destroyed it.

I thought it would
hold up better than that.

Well, it failed.

- I miss that printer.
- I do too, man.

- I never got my spoon.
- Deal with it. Get over it.

This is not...

This yours?

I was testing the
durability of the wiffle ball.

I've been testing
out the 3D printer.

Look what I came out with.

The way I figure, if I get 10 or
15 or even 20 of those machines,

I can spit 'em out
24 hours a day.

Human beings don't
work 24 hours a day.

Y'all don't actually work
eight hours a day, maybe two.

But this thing just...

I've always wondered

if at some point in my life

I would have to do an
actual battle with machines.

I could save a ton of money,

cause the machine
doesn't fart around...

They also don't play
golf in the warehouse.

I wasn't playing golf.

They don't tell
stupid stories all day,

they don't get sick,
they don't get fake sick,

they don't come steal
stuff out of my office.

That's what's good
about machines.

So, this whole thing
could be automated,

no human beings, except for me.

- What if they turn on you?
- Then I unplug them.

Look, I'm all for
advancements in technology.

But technology can also
make you lazy and dependent.

And now... it can
make me expendable.

Well, what are we gonna do?

There's tons of
stuff y'all can do.

I mean, not here,
but other places.

You could work at the library,
road construction, be a janitor.

They pay people to take
medicine, like a trial phase?

- You can do that.
- Godwin, that's you.

Y'all can do something, 'cause
you ain't doing much here.

Y'all finish putting
the boxes up?

- Yep.
- Most of them.

- You know there's machines for that too.
- We gone.

I'm gonna go build
up some more calls.

We might need to bump up
productivity... to be on the safe side.

I hate machines. I
hate Terminators.

But he was good in the
second one. He was nice.

No, they ain't never good. They'll
take your job away from you.

Good point.

Dad, we got a serious problem.

What is it now?

Si's taken over.
It's not working.

I told you it wasn't gonna work.

You were right, I was wrong.

We have to fix it.

Oh, John Luke. I told you.

- So what's the problem?
- Just taste it.

He calls it the Blue
Raspberry Bisque.

Mm... interesting smell.

Mmm...

Ugh!

I've eaten a lot of
things, that's terrible.

It's horrible.

Why would you even let
him come up with any flavor?

He just took over. I
couldn't control him.

How much did he invest in it?

Well, technically nothing.
He's putting in "sweat equity."

- I thought he was putting in money?
- No, he said sweat equity

is actually better than equity.

The second John
Luke partnered with Si,

I knew the soup idea was doomed.

Here's the deal. I'll
give him a slight raise,

and I'll tell him we need
him back over here...

- Deal.
- That's not the deal,

that's half the deal.
Here's what you gotta do.

You gotta agree to come back
at least once every six weeks

- and check on your business.
- Okay. Whatever you wanna do.

We just have to end it.

This whole experience has obviously
left a bad taste in John Luke's mouth,

and mine too after
eating that terrible soup.

Si, I need to see you
in my office, please.

- Should I leave?
- Nah, you can stay.

- Can I leave?
- Just stay.

- I just wanna leave.
- You got yourself into this.

If anything, I hope this is
a life lesson for John Luke.

Always listen to your dad.

And never combine snow
cone flavors with soup.

Hey. Do you got the
patent on recipes?

I don't know, Si.

Well, how do you prove it's
yours? Do you notarize it?

So, we've been
down in production

because you've been spending all
your time over there with your soup stuff.

So, I've decided to
give you a slight raise,

but y'all's little deal over there ain't
gonna work 'cause I need you over here.

He might not like me backing
out of this deal right now, though.

If you have to, you
can do it. Take the deal.

I mean, I hate
to bail out on you.

I hate it too, but you
should do it if you have to.

So you should do it.

- You okay with it?
- You need the raise, so.

- You sure?
- I'm sure, I'm good.

- I think he's gonna be okay.
- How much is the raise?

Slight raise, that's the deal.

I asked for that raise eight years
ago, so with inflation, you know,

I'm gonna need
a little bit more.

All right, I'll give you a
slight on the slight, okay?

- Okay, all right.
- Everybody good?

I guess.

I do have another idea. What
do you know about açai bowls?

- You should ask Si.
- Never mind.

Hey, quacking, keep quacking.

What's up, girls?

- Si's back, back in the duck call room.
- That's right.

Si's not exactly the
entrepreneur that he thinks he is.

I ended that
business relationship.

He didn't want a partner,
he wanted a money man.

I'm telling you, he's
just like his dad, okay?

He's hardheaded. And
he ain't got no sense either.

Si, you gonna quit
talking and start working?

- No.
- Get back on these reeds.

- Have you lost your mind?
- Y'all actually working. Cool.

You work, you get
paid. You gotta work.

Sometimes you
have to light a fire

under your employees.

In this case, a 3D printed one.

Why is everybody working?

We're actually honing our
craft. This is art in motion.

It is.

Hey, no complaints
here. Looks good, fellas.

It's just like I figured. I leave
and this whole shop goes to crap.

I needed to do something to
motivate them to work hard,

because their productivity
had fallen to an all-time low,

which, with these
guys, is saying a lot.

Well, I got my one
machine, Ol' Red,

but I may not have to buy so many
others if y'all were to actually work.

The machines and the men
could work together, right?

So I tapped into their fear of
being replaced with technology,

which wasn't too hard to do.

Godwin... who's your daddy, huh?

- Look what I made you.
- Let me see that.

- Look at that.
- Awesome.

- It's your spoon.
- It's got your name on it.

Of course it's got my
name on it. I made it.

- It's a gift to you.
- Well, I'll keep it.

So it looks like Terminator's
day of judgment may wait a while,

'cause the humans
are doing good.

But it could still happen,
though, so work hard.

I don't know quite what's gotten
into y'all, but, hey, I got my raise.

- You got your raise?
- Yeah.

Well, good. See,
he's investing in folks.

Hey, he better invest in me.

I'm an innovator and I'm
the best employee he's got.

You're also delusional.

All right, let's pray.

Father, we're so thankful for
all the blessings You've given us.

Thank You for this family,
thank You for this food,

we thank You for our business,

and we're proudest
through Jesus. Amen.

Amen.

- Let's get on this.
- Let's get on it!

Working with family causes
its own share of challenges.

Whether it's finally giving your crazy
uncle a raise he asked for ten years ago,

or coming up with creative ways to
convince your employees to work hard,

you have to make
sure everybody's happy.

Because, at the end of the day,
you're more than just their boss.

You're their nephew, their
friend, their father and their brother.

Those are the things
that can never be replaced.

Even by a really
cool 3D printer.

Everybody save room for dessert
now. I brought Key Lime Chowder.

That's just disgusting.