Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 11, Episode 14 - Dance Dads - full transcript

Here we go!

You know that's
probably just hurting you?

- Oh, yeah.
- You should just stick to the floor.

- Do you do a lot of stretching?
- Not really,

but when I do, I don't do that.

I mean, what kind of sick
mind would put a pole that high

and then put mirrors all around?

I don't think they had you in
mind when they made this room.

- Man!
- Yeah.

Here's the main problem,
is I can't get this leg off here.

Oh, my goodness
gracious. Are you serious?



All right, lift just
one inch. Ready?

Go. Ah!

Oh, my g...

Jase, that is sad, I'm sorry.

I know that you are
older, but that is sad.

So Reed and Brighton
are gettin' married

and really the only thing
that anyone is nervous about

is Missy's dancing.

Mine? No!

Well, okay, yeah,
maybe a little bit,

but more of your dancing.

- I can dance.
- No, you can't.

I think whenever
you take lessons,

then you're opening yourself
up for potential disaster.



That makes no sense.

Do we want to practice slow
dancing and fast dancing?

Slow dancing is you
basically just hug and move.

I mean, you could do
that. That... that's good.

That's acceptable, but there's also
dances like the rumba, and like...

- The rumba?!
- The rumba.

The rumba.

It's only known as the
sexiest dance out there.

Whoo! Rumba!

No. I mean, we didn't even
dance at our own wedding.

That's why I'm a little
nervous. We're just not dancers.

Did we not dance at our wedding?

We had cake, punch,
and we hit the road.

Oh, well, that's
'cause I was in a hurry.

Yeah, I know.

Nobody got time for that!

This is the easiest dance
that you could possibly do.

- All right.
- It goes slow,

quick, quick, slow,
quick, quick, slow...

- I'm not sure I can do that.
- It's so easy!

Slow, quick, quick,
slow, quick, quick.

All right, babe, come on.

Technically, we did dance.
It was just after the wedding.

Okay. Anyway,

we just need a few moves so
that we don't embarrass ourselves.

I'm never gonna be
embarrassed over this.

Uh, so that you
don't embarrass me.

Okay, fine.

Quick, quick, slow,
quick, quick, slow.

Oh, I'm rollin' now, baby!

- Look at this!
- That was really good!

Okay, now this time when
you do it, turn this way a little bit.

I got it now.

- You look a little... stiff.
- What's he doing here?

I told y'all I wanted
to do this in private.

I'm here to pick Sadie up.

I didn't know she was trying to
teach Frankenstein how to dance.

Pfft! Not all of us can
jiggle just by breathing.

You look like Forrest Gump

before the leg
shackles fell off.

- Well, we got some time. I can wait.
- Oh, great.

Dad, do you wanna
dance? I don't have a partner.

- Yeah, show us your moves.
- I'll just watch.

I'm not dancin' in
front of a heckler.

Here's a pro-tip: try
bending your legs.

I'm working on the
sequence right now.

I haven't put the rhythm in it.

I got style and I got
rhythm, I got that part.

Well, let's see what
you have on your own.

- Yeah.
- Look.

Don't breathe through your butt!

A little slide on
the floor, see?

- Little arm movement.
- Some stellar stuff you got.

Yeah, you look like you're trying to
step into a super freezing cold bath.

He's sweating through his shirt.

- Oh, that's disgusting!
- I can't work in these conditions.

Oh, Dad, it looks like you
have tea underneath there!

- Huh?
- That is gross!

- That's like dirty sweat.
- It's an old shirt!

When I walked in the health
club, it made me nervous.

I started sweating.

- And he's making fun of me!
- That is so gross.

Hey, I know how to dance, bro.

You're sweating!

So, Jase tell you about
his new little hobby?

What is it? Mimin'?

- He ain't mimin'.
- He ain't mimin'?

Although he may shoulda mimed.

It was a private moment
that you snooped in on.

He's taking dance
lessons with Sadie.

You should've tried mimin'!

I'm doing this with my
wife for the wedding.

Yeah, well, it'd be a lot
better if you was mimin'.

- Are you finished?
- Nope.

You should've went with mimin'.

Besides, I likes to hear
you be quiet for awhile.

Here's the problem with Missy.

She wants to go take dance
lessons so we won't be embarrassed.

But if you didn't take a lesson,
you would never be embarrassed.

Yeah, 'cause what I
saw was embarrassing.

Jase looked like
Frankenstein out there.

I thought I was
actually pretty good.

You cannot teach dancing.

You either can dance or
you can't. Myself, I'm a natural.

A lot of people don't
know this, but look,

I was on the fast track to
becoming a professional dancer

before I got the old little letter
from Uncle Sam saying, "I need you."

So look, I traded in my little
tap shoes for my combat boots.

I'm gonna freestyle! I'm just
trying to make her feel better.

I don't think your
freestyle's any better.

I was trying to go quick,
quick, slow, quick, quick, slow.

What music are you doing it to?

Quick, quick, slow,
quick, quick, slow.

- "Thunderstruck"?
- I think you mean quick, quick, slide.

No, Sadie said"
quick, quick, slow."

Okay, no, yeah, all right,
that's what I figured, yeah.

Hey, look, when
the music comes on,

my body just knows what to do.

And I've been told, okay, it
is a beautiful thing to watch.

All right, twinkle toes,
show us what you got.

We won't put you in the corner.

Come to the wedding
and prepare for greatness.

- Nope!
- No.

No, I'm out.

Hey, look, if you don't
believe me, I'll prove it.

Hey! Play me some
music back there, idiot!

That's the best you got? Okay.

Hey, see? I told you, I'm good.

Okay? And that
music was horrible.

All right, well, y'all
get back to work.

I just wanted to let y'all know
that Jase had a little hobby.

- I'll see y'all later.
- I got some papers.

What are you doing?

Stretching.

No, go ahead and tell her.
You told everybody else.

- What? Tell me what?
- Jase is taking dance lessons

- and he looks like an idiot.
- Aww!

I'm taking dance lessons with
Missy to get ready for the wedding.

Aww, that's sweet! We have
a wedding coming up too.

- Oh.
- Oh, yeah!

All right, I gotta go.
Look, make sure...

- Willie.
- Yeah, he needs some lessons!

- We do. We do need...
- I don't need dance lessons, bro.

- I can dance.
- But I can teach you

how to breakdance, seriously.

Why does everybody think
they know how to dance?

I really can dance.

I have videos on my phone
that will blow your mind.

I don't think that I
know how to dance.

Oh, Godwin's got his move!

I got moves! I
don't need lessons.

You got moves, it's just hard
for, like, me to dance with you

'cause you're kind of,
like, doing your own moves.

You got moves,
they're just not good.

- He's got the "toe breaker.'
- No, he's got the "whiskey brow stomp."

Then he's got the "hip check."

- I don't step on your foot!
- You do do that sometimes.

- One time.
- You're not getting the message, Willie.

She's tired of getting
hurt when y'all are dancing.

Fine, when's your next lesson?

- Actually, we have a lesson tonight.
- Tonight, I've got...

- We will be there.
- He's in!

Yeah!

All right, well, I mean, if
you want to take lessons,

- well, I guess I can...
- Aww!

I mean, it'd probably
be for you, but I can...

Don't throw nothing
out there, son!

I may teach Sadie a few moves.

- Uh-oh.
- Oh, look at him. Look at him.

All right, we'll see y'all
at the dance class, Jase.

Are you sure you want
to take dance lessons?

That's what you get
for making fun of me.

That's why you should
keep that stuff to yourself.

You should've went with mimin'.

You know what I
would like to do?

Pick her up, you
know what I mean?

- No!
- Yeah!

- Let's start with the basics.
- That would be fun!

Yeah, let's just start easy.

Oh, Willie.

- Dad.
- Huh?

- Do I have to watch this?
- Where's my camera?

I can't stretch?

- Not in front of people.
- It's kind of embarrassing.

Okay, I don't think that we're
gonna be dancing that hard.

Pull your muscles
at your own will, then.

If you're gonna pull a muscle,
you gotta have a muscle.

I've seen it happen before.

He always stretches.

That's why I'm so flexible.

We had no idea what we're doing

when it came to dancing at
John Luke's wedding last year.

Eh, we had a clue.

Eh, we were pretty bad.

Korie, I have a natural
talent, ask anyone.

Your moves are a
little bit more unnatural.

Let's start with the basics.

Quick, quick, slow,

quick, quick, slow.

- Why are you sticking your belly out?
- Trust me, he's not trying.

Why are you doing the extra
bouncing? No extra bouncing.

Stop bouncing. Stop.
Okay, don't bounce.

Do not jiggle it.

If you dance, you should
stand out in the crowd.

People should go,
"Wow, look at that!"

- I'm not sure about that.
- Take a survey.

- No!
- Oh, my God!

If you hit her with
that, she's going down.

Oh, this is why we don't
go dancing very often.

That's a lot of
jiggling going on.

I get a little nervous.

Students, I don't
know what you're doing.

This is called "the discovery."

Stop doing it.

- "Fish out of water"!
- Oh, Dad, no!

Look, stop.

Here comes that chicken.

Okay.

- "Junior prom."
- This feels really weird.

Yeah. I really don't
know how to feel about it.

I really don't know
what to do with that.

- I can naturally dance.
- Uh, no.

Where do you think
Sadie got it from?

Last I checked, you wasn't
dancing around the house.

That was me.

Time out!

I'm gon' be sore after that.

- He gone.
- Cabbage patch?

Yeah, you can do that, so...

Okay, we got something going!

- See, you bring your two moves together.
- That's what I've been doing!

- Okay, Dad?
- Huh?

You're gonna have to
last a lot longer than that.

I thought we was taking a break.

It just hit me.

- Nobody's gonna notice us.
- You're right.

All eyes are gonna
be right there.

We have now been
taken out of the spotlight.

Yeah.

How long is this
wedding dance crap?

Y'all are very
difficult to help.

We are hopeless.

- Mm.
- Mm, Jase, this was awesome!

- Oh, yeah, great.
- Thank you, babe.

I was so hungry for frogs.

I heard we got Fred Astaire
and Ginger Rogers tonight?

- Who is that?
- Famous actors, dancers.

He doesn't know, but no.

We're not Fred Astaire
and Ginger Rogers.

When I was a kid, I
was out in the woods.

You do know how to dance?

I don't know how to dance, like,
professionally, but I do a lot of dancing.

I've never seen you dance.

Most LSU victories, every
time I catch a frog, I dance.

Show us a move, babe.
Show us a dance move.

- Yeah.
- I'll save it for later.

Oh, come on!

I can show you the moves.

- Don't hurt yourself.
- Don't bust a hip.

- I'll give you some moves.
- Where'd you get your moves, Daddy?

What are you doing, Larry?

Some dangerous
moves you got there.

All those frogs got you jumpy.

Hey, all right!

- Uh-oh.
- Dad.

Come on, Jase.

One thing I've
learned about marriage

is that one of the
most challenging parts

are the in-laws.

- Sick moves.
- This is getting dangerous now.

Yeah.

Especially if they're yuppies
and they're a little goofy.

You don't get to choose
who your in-laws are.

They just come
along for the ride.

- Are you really getting married?
- Hopefully.

Are you nervous? Does
this make you nervous?

A little bit, you're making
me kind of nervous.

Don't get me
wrong, I love the guy.

But until Brighton says "I do",

let's not give her any
reasons to say “I don't."

Oh, my goodness. Can y'all
get Mia from cheer, please?

- Sure.
- Yeah, we can get her.

Okay, thank you very
much. I appreciate it.

- Dinner was awesome.
- Yeah, that was really good.

- Yeah, thank you.
- Thank you very much.

- Bye, y'all.
- Bye!

They're gone.

- Well, Cole, are you nervous?
- A little bit.

I mean, I do have to give the
speech at the rehearsal dinner.

Are you ready?

I'll wing it.

- What?!
- Uh-oh.

Now that's my son.

Babe, what? I'm winging mine.

- No, you can't wing it!
- I'm winging it.

This is too important to wing.

Babe, I hunt
ducks, winging is...

Well, Jase, how long has it been
since you've done a wedding?

I haven't done a marriage
in probably 15 years.

I used to do them all the time.

And then I had a run, four in
a row, that they got divorced.

So I stopped.

Well, are you still
certified by the state?

- Well, I don't know.
- Does that run out?

Yeah, you gotta do it for this
to be a legitimate wedding.

- It's in two days!
- Well, that's it, wedding's off.

No! No, no, no, no, no.

Tomorrow is Friday. You
can do it on a Friday, right?

- You gotta, like, fill out a form?
- Yeah, you have to fill out a form.

Oh, I'm out. I'm not doing that.

I'm kidding! I'll
fill out the form.

I'm a little nervous now.

I'll go with you.
We'll get it done.

Okay, go with Dad.

- He'll get it done for you.
- Don't worry about it.

I got a buddy, Wade. He'll get us
right in and right out. Piece of cake!

All right, fine. How
hard can it be?

This can be treacherous
if you do not get this done.

I'll take care of you.

How's your ceremony comin'?

Well, I think I'm gon' do a little
somethin' about the journey.

What kind of journey?

Well, just the journey
of life, together.

You know, when you take somebody's
hand and you say, "Let's do this."

It doesn't really matter where you're
going, as long as you're going together.

Oh, that sounds dry.

You need to... you need
to spice it up a little bit,

get a little... a little levity.

I could help you with that. I
got a good knock, knock joke.

- I'm not...
- Knock, knock. Knock, knock.

Come on, knock, knock.

- You really want to do this?
- Yeah! Knock, knock.

- Who's there?
- Dewey.

Dewey who?

"Dewey" have to put up with these
jokes? Let's get on with the ceremony.

I just don't think I'm
a knock, knock man.

- You didn't get it, did you?
- Oh, I got it.

You got it?

Uh-oh, it says
"closed" on the door.

What? They don't
close the courthouse.

- It ain't even five o'clock!
- No, no, no, no.

- It can't be.
- Huh, it is closed.

They can't be closed!

Well, this is not good news.

Knock, knock.

No, Larry, I think
they're closed.

- Well, let me call Wade.
- Yeah, call him!

He may be in the back,
you know? He can't hear us.

Yeah, call Wade. Let's
see your connection.

Uh-oh. His number's
no longer in service.

- When's the last time you talked to him?
- Not that long ago.

What? Right after the
Saints won the Super Bowl.

After the Saints
won the Super Bowl?

- Yeah.
- That's been seven, eight years, Larry.

He may not even be alive.
Was he an older fellow?

Yeah, you know him?

No, I'm just saying
he may be dead.

Seven, eight years, a
lot of things can happen.

- Knock, knock.
- Well, we tried.

We gon' have to come
up with a plan B here.

- What do you think Missy will say?
- She's gon' kill us.

- Woo-hoo!
- Maybe you can start off

and then I come in and
then you just pronounce them.

Here, I'll pick a good one.

All right.

These are like some of the
best pictures you've ever taken.

- I know.
- Can't believe I haven't seen these.

All right, bad
news. Can't do it.

- What?!
- Courthouse is closed.

His guy wasn't there.

- Really?
- But the good news is,

I'm gonna do the wedding for ya.

This is not happening.
I cannot believe this.

It'll be great.

- You like knock, knock jokes?
- What?

I've got some doozies!

- No.
- Knock, knock.

- No. No.
- Knock, knock.

I think I can say a few words.

I just can't pronounce
you husband and wife.

What do you mean,
you can't do it?

What I thought I could do...

You know how the
preacher always says,

"If there's anybody
here who has just reason

why these two people
shouldn't be married"?

- And then I stand up.
- What? No!

And I say, "The reason
why they should be married."

That's good!
Little levity in it.

And then Larry pronounces
them husband and wife,

- everybody's happy.
- Yeah! Yeah! It'll be cool!

- I always wanted to say something.
- That's great!

- Wait. What are you talking about?
- He let his certification run out,

and so he went today to
try to get himself re-certified.

Why didn't you
just do it online?

- Online?
- You can do it online?

- Yeah.
- Why would you be able to do that online?

You can do anything online.

Are you sure we
can do it online?

I'm sure there's a
"Get Re-certified" app.

The first I've heard that.

- Are you serious?
- No, I'm kidding,

but, I mean, I'm sure
there's a website.

Online?

I just wouldn't think that
you could do that online.

You can renew your
driver's license online.

You can renew your
driver's license online?

- Online?
- Yes.

I bet my buddy Wade
doesn't know that.

- I don't know who Wade is.
- We don't know who Wade is.

All right, Larry, I hate
to break this to you.

I'm not sure Wade
is still with us.

Well, I just hope you
learned your lesson

about waiting till the last
minute to do something.

If it wasn't for the last minute,
nothing would get done.

That's when people
function at their best.

That's what you're gonna claim?

Yeah.

You sure you don't
want me to do it?

- Yep.
- I got a natural flair.

I could give it some levity!
Your dad's too serious.

Uh, I think I'm good.

Don't know what you're missing!

- You had one job.
- Yep.

And you barely pulled it off.

But I pulled it off.

And I learned a valuable lesson.

What was that?

I'm reaching the age where
I'm learning things from my kids.

Oh, yeah, thank goodness.

- All right, I'm back in.
- You did it that quick?!

Yeah, I'm about to
print it out right now.

- Nothing to it.
- Thank goodness.

I told you it was gon' work out.

I don't know what you
were so panicked about.

Jase Robertson.

- But now we're official.
- Okay, crisis averted.

If you don't stay
together, don't blame me.

- I think I'm good.
- That was quick.

I bet that's why
Wade lost his job.

Now how is the dancing
gonna take place?

- Who dances first? Who goes when?
- Well, I think we dance first.

Basically, they will literally say over
the microphone who dances when.

So you have nothing
to worry about.

There you go, babe.
All the pressure is off.

I just feel sorry for the people
having to dance after us.

How about the person who's
having to dance with you?

Oh, babe, we're gonna take
the bar, and we're elevating it.

That bar is gonna
be twisted and turned.

Just follow my lead, I got this.

Reed, you're gon' be impressed.
I think I found my dancing jive.

- Thank goodness.
- Well, congratulations.

I mean, I thought I
did pretty good. Missy...

Yeah...

I think we did a pretty
good job with Reed.

And now he's Brighton's problem.

Well, I wouldn't say “problem."

Well, she actually makes him
more enjoyable to be around.

Agreed.

We are so excited to have
Brighton join our family.

And I have said
that if it was my job

to pick out a bride for Reed,

I could not have come
close to what he did.

She surpasses all
of my expectations

- and I'm not gonna cry.
- Yes, you are.

- Yes, I am.
- Yep, she gone.

- You did pretty good before then.
- I did, I did good.

And so, I thank God for
Brighton... and for Reed.

Reed, focus on ruining the
lipstick and not the mascara.

Thank you, Larry, for getting
that. The rest of y'all, is this not on?

What I also like
about this process

is seeing two families
come together.

It's kind of like a modern
day Romeo and Juliet.

Did you read Romeo and Juliet?

I mean, bits and pieces.

Yeah, the families
don't come together.

I was just saying they
were deeply in love.

- Well, that was really sweet.
- Thank you, babe.

Listen to this one piece of advice
and I do mean this with all my heart.

Reed, tell Brighton
every day you love her.

This is one of the most
beautiful, special, young women

and I'm so proud to be your mom.

And yes, you're one of the
luckiest guys in the world,

but she is also one
of the luckiest girls.

When Reed first
started dating Brighton,

I was a little
concerned at first.

I did not know how
he could ever keep

such an amazing,
beautiful girl like Brighton

when he could barely keep
a passing grade in math.

Brighton, as you are stepping
into a new chapter in life,

make sure sometimes
your nose is stuffed up,

because you and I both know

that we do not want to
smell Reed's farts all day.

There's no one piece of marital advice
that I would give Reed and Brighton.

Yeah, we kind of
passed the advice stage.

At some point, you're gonna
have to figure this thing out.

That's the deal, it's
figuring it out together

and sticking with
it, 'cause it's worth it.

♪ This is an
ordinary love song ♪

♪ But don't think
that it's not true ♪

♪ Need to spend
my time with you ♪

♪ I love you. ♪

We're gonna pray to God
and then get some rest,

and we'll see y'all
tomorrow. Let's pray.

Father, we do want to lift
Reed and Brighton before You

as all of us here tonight unite
as one mind and one heart

to give all our
support their way.

So Father we ask
you to bless 'em.

- Amen.
- Amen.

According to the
state of Louisiana,

I now pronounce
you husband and wife.

Reed, you may kiss your bride.

Whether you're newly married

or married for over 20 years,

you can always learn how to
make the bond you share stronger,

like understanding
when your husband

waits until the last minute to do
something extremely important,

or compromising when
your wife wants to learn

how to do something you
find completely embarrassing.

If you truly listen
to each other,

you'll have a happy marriage and
avoid stepping on each other's toes.

Are you a fan of
knock, knock jokes?

I've got some doozies!

I think I'm good.

You don't know
what you're missing.