Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 11, Episode 12 - Rowdy's Big Day - full transcript

All right, all right.
Family meeting time.

- Family meeting. Family meeting.
- Come on.

- Put the phones away.
- Phones up.

Pay attention, we got big...

- Yes.
- Important family news.

So we are throwing a little
surprise party for Rowdy.

Oh, I thought I
did something bad.

No, you didn't do anything bad.

- Not this time.
- 'Cause I was like, "What did I do?"

- That was yesterday.
- Not this time.

No, this is about Rowdy
and his official adoption day.



So after, like, we go
to court and everything,

we wanna do a surprise party for
him and it's gonna be, like, a blowout,

like, all his favorite things.

How are you gonna pull that off?

- Dinosaurs don't exist.
- Yeah. Or dragons.

In just a few days,

Rowdy will officially
become a Robertson.

He's been in our family for a while
now, and so we all feel like he's ours,

but it's nice to actually have

the last name on the birth
certificate and everything.

We just wanna think of some
ways to make it really special.

Chicken, ice cream, Doritos,

- um, Pokémon.
- Oreos.

This your party or is
this Rowdy's party?



No, this is... This
is Rowdy's party.

This is all his favorite things.

He's not just
joining our family,

he's joining the greater
Robertson family as a whole.

So we figured we throw
a big surprise party.

We wanted everyone to get to
celebrate with him on that special day.

Maybe we can like
write letters or something.

- And read them.
- Read them to him at the party?

- I love that.
- Good idea.

- Oh, that sounds awesome.
- It's an awesome idea.

The only problem is,

we do not have a good track
record for keeping secrets.

We have too big of a family, like
someone always spills the beans.

So hopefully they can
keep their mouths shut.

Yeah.

- Main thing is, don't tell him.
- Yes.

- We've never pulled off a surprise party.
- Sadie...

- Don't tell Rowdy.
- Bella.

I am not gonna tell.

- Mom?
- Shh.

I'm coming, just a second.

All right, so look. Make
sure he doesn't find out.

I got something big planned.

- What?
- What is it?

Big.

- Dad, you do not know.
- I got a huge surprise.

- What is it?
- What is it?

I don't wanna tell y'all. I
want y'all to be surprised too.

- Hints, hints, hints, hints.
- Give us some clues.

I got... I'm working
on something.

Like what?

It's hard to put it
in words, really.

Hmm.

It's more of a visual,
you just need to see it.

You have no clue
what you're gonna do.

In fact, I better go make
some phone calls about that,

'cause I'm not sure
exactly where...

- I'll be back. Don't let Rowdy know.
- All right.

- Cool.
- Okay.

Yeah, he's got no idea
what he's talking about.

No, he doesn't.

What else, Cole?

I think we're
supposed to move this.

Oh, my goodness.

All right, let's do it on three.
Let's see how heavy it is.

Three.

Put it back down.

- Oh, good, you found it?
- You okay?

- What's wrong?
- Nothing.

I'm just trying to figure out
why Reed is moving out,

and so is half of our furniture.

Hand-me-downs.

Well, get somebody
else to move it.

Why should I, when I have
able-bodied men in my house?

I'm just saying, I'm
a little stiff today.

What have y'all been doing?

- I woke up.
- It's called age, Cole.

I don't think I wanna age.

You're gonna age, buddy.

I can tell I'm getting older.

I'm definitely losing
some of my hair,

and I'm hurting... a lot.

From this elbow to this
shoulder is just numb.

What?

It used to be the Robertsons
had selective hearing,

but now you just
can't hear anymore.

- Too many gun blasts.
- Yeah.

I can't turn.

So, it's sore?

- Uh-huh.
- I feel great.

You're 18!

Of course you feel great.

Maybe that's why
I'm talking louder.

You know, when you get Phil
and Si talking to each other,

they're hollering at each other.

"Hey, what are you doing,
Si? What are you gonna..."

So why was everybody hollering?

They can't hear!

- You know what will help you?
- What?

- A massage.
- You wanna give me one?

No! I mean, like a
medical massage.

- I get them all the time.
- At the spa?

Yes. It can change your life.

- Pfft!
- Babe...

That's something that yuppies
do. I don't wanna be seen walking in.

So you're more worried about
your image than your health.

- Yup.
- Oh, my goodness gracious.

So on a scale from one to ten,

- once you have...
- Twelve.

- Twelve is not even on the scale.
- That's what I'm saying.

I can't even measure
it. That's how good it is.

Uh, I don't know.

You can take my appointment.
I have one tomorrow.

Hey, if you don't take
the massage, I'll take it.

I'm not giving you my appointment.
I'm only giving it to your dad.

All right, you're out.

What if, instead of
you going to the spa,

I have the masseuse
come here to the house?

- That's a pretty good deal.
- Deal?

The only way I would do it
is if you stayed and watched.

That's kind of weird, but
whatever floats your boat.

That floats my boat.
That's a big difference.

- I'm not staying and watching.
- Okay, I'll have the spa come here.

Are you gon' stay here?

Yes, I'll stay here.

Just sayin', I don't
wanna, you know...

- Okay, I need that moved.
- Left alone with a strange woman.

I need that moved.

Babe? Call Reed. Tell
'im to come get this.

Si, you better not have brought
me out here just to waste my time.

- I ain't got a lot of it.
- Look, I'm telling you,

Rowdy will love this, okay?
This will make his whole week.

Si, I don't see a truck.

Well, hey, I don't know
where he's got it parked.

I told you, Mountain Man
knows a guy that knows this guy.

This is all hinging
on Mountain Man.

Basically, yeah.

Oh, crap.

Tomorrow is a
huge day for Rowdy.

He officially
becomes a Robertson

and we are throwing a
huge surprise party for him.

Whoo-whoo.

How's it going, guys? Mountain
Man said y'all were coming over.

Yup, I'm Si. This is Willie.

- Good to meet you, guys.
- Where you got this thang at?

Right on out back here.

Now, Si actually came up with a
clever idea for one time in his life.

Monster trucks!

And it's a monster truck.

Monster trucks forever, Jack.

- It is a cool idea.
- Tsk.

Yeah, here we go.

There they are, boys.
What do you think?

How could you beat that?

Uh...

- Where's the truck?
- The monster truck.

- It's just the tires?
- Just the tires, man.

I apologize. We thought...

We were kind of
thinking there was a truck.

This is three quarters of
a monster truck right here.

That's right. Find one
more tire and then you got it.

- You got what? You got four...
- You got the monster truck.

I don't want... Who
gets a tire for a party?

What's a monster truck
without monster tires?

Si, the party is tomorrow.

We don't have time
to build monster trucks.

We need a monster truck.

I think we need to talk money.

Hundred bucks, what do you say?

- I'm not paying...
- $100?

We don't got but
three of them, Carl.

I'll tell you what
I'll do. $150.

- I'll pay you right now.
- I'm not paying anybody...

Why are you paying us?

I need somebody to
haul these things off, man.

Sold! Now that's
what I call a deal.

Look, not only did I find

a great gift for
Rowdy's party, okay?

Willie is actually gon'
make money on the deal.

I'm telling you, he needs to be
writing me a thank you card right now.

No, we are not hauling
them out of here.

What are you talking about?
You gon' turn this down?

Who's impressed with a tire?

Hey, look, so what
if there is no truck?

Look, let the kid use
his imagination, okay?

Look, you could put six
kids in that and roll it downhill.

You'd get arrested for that.

Look, all I had to play
with when I was growing up

was a rusty old fork.

And look, me and that fork? Hey,
we conquered the whole world.

Carl, hold 'em till
the end of the day.

I'm gon' talk to him
and I'll get back with you.

- You'll give me a call?
- Yeah, I'll give you a call.

- Hey, I'm looking forward to it.
- All right, man.

Hey, I'm telling you, Rowdy
would love them three tires.

We are not taking
a bunch of tires.

Rowdy would love
them, I'm telling you.

You better hope the petting
zoo hasn't already been booked.

Gah!

Babe, robe's gotta come off.

You told me to wear the robe.

Okay.

What else do you have on?

- We are really doing this.
- We are doing it.

Getting kind of awkward.
So I put my head in that hole?

Yes. Oh, wait. Let's do
something with this hair.

Oh, no, wait a minute. I
don't... I don't put my hair in...

It's okay, it's okay.

No one at all is gonna see it.

Babe... look... hey.

What? Okay, sorry.

That's just for me.

Okay, so I finally got
Jase to get a massage,

but it had to be
under his conditions.

You don't wanna do it
alone, I'm gonna watch.

Great.

Is this supposed
to hurt? Ay, ay, ay.

You got to have the
strongest hands on the planet.

I'm kind of glad you
talked me into staying.

- This is...
- Ah, ah.

Quite memorable.

I'm not sure why you're
pressing this anyway.

I don't want you to
be hurting for long.

That... that's it? All right...

And there's a few more
pieces of furniture I need moved.

What am I, your grunt?

Ay, ay, you got
that there. That...

Can you do something about that?

- I am doing it now.
- Oh, man.

- Hello, Clarice.
- Oh, no.

Hey, hey.

What you got going on here?

- Um...
- Is that Jase?

- Um, yes.
- Nice man bun, dude.

What are you doing in my house?

- I'm bringing back your gun.
- Well... you may go now.

So, what do we
got going on here?

- You getting a little massage?
- No, it's actually...

She's a doctor.

Is that why her shirt
says "massage therapist"?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

This is just weird.

What someone does in
the privacy of their home

is their business.

O... kay.

But what someone
does on their back porch,

for anybody who
comes over to see?

That's fair game for ridicule.

What's next, dude? You're
gonna get your pedicure done?

- Jep.
- Jep, come on.

You're gonna go to the
gym next, do some aerobics?

- Jep...
- Aerobics.

Go grab some brunch
and do your aerobics?

And, hey, I might just
be doing him a favor.

It's a slippery slope from
massages to shopping at L.L. Bean.

- Oh, my goodness.
- I feel like I'm in bizzaro world.

Can you believe what she does?

I can't believe what
you're doing right now.

But when you're greased up,
that slope is even slipperier.

- Jep, get out of my house.
- Go, go, go.

What? You don't have
any hair on your back, dude.

I thought you were a Robertson.

- I don't have hair on my back.
- I'll tell you something right now.

You'd need a whole
bottle of lotion for me.

Oh, my gosh.

- Jep, leave the gun.
- And take the cannoli.

- And get out of my house.
- All right, buddy.

It looks like you're having
a good time there, man.

- Shut up.
- Have fun, buddy.

- Idiot.
- You so cute.

He's just jealous.

That's right. Just
ignore him, babe.

Oh. This is nice here.

Honey, have you ever
trained someone to do this?

Mm-mm. Nope.

Talking about you and
Missy could kind of hook up

and you give her just
the basics, you know?

What? No!

Oh, my goodness.

Ooh. Yow!

There is some slight
discomfort right at first.

- Hm.
- Good night!

She's poking her
finger through you.

- Hm.
- But it gets better,

- and then it gets awesome.
- Ah, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.

- Does that hurt?
- Her forearm's flexing on that one.

It feels good.

It's bliss.

- And Missy was okay with this?
- It was her idea!

I don't know, this is
sounding awful weird.

Her hands are like meat hooks.

My glasses are like fogging up.

I mean, she breaks you down.

- Ooh.
- She fixin' to get you in a headlock.

Choke him out.

And then, all of a sudden,
she builds you back up.

Euphoria awaits.

Whoever said
"Ignorance is bliss"

has clearly never
had a massage before.

I mean, look, I
couldn't even do this.

- Ah.
- Now look, I'm...

Is there a safe word?

Sure, I could've just
kept this to myself.

But I find that, when
you find something great,

you need to share it.

Ah...

Look, no pain.

I'm, like, sweating
profusely now.

I feel like a new man.

And it's all thanks to Missy,

who is letting us "borrow"
her appointment time.

I sent her a text. I'm
sure she'll be fine with it.

There's a lot of gristle
you gotta get through there

- to get down to that muscle.
- Kind of tingly.

Just imagine what it feels like
when she does your whole body.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, my calves right
now? They feel like butter.

I want butter calves.

- I want butter popcorn.
- Mm.

This is making me hungry.

- All right, Godwin, time's up.
- Time's up.

- I think you went quick on the clock.
- No.

I'm just glad she charges by
the hour and not the square inch.

There is a lot of me.

Do you ever work on,
like, the head area?

- Of course.
- Oh, yeah.

Okay. Here.

Oh.

Oh!

Was I right or was I right?

All right, I'm done.

- He done.
- I'm out.

Babe.

- Ooh.
- Did you get my text?

I know they cancelled,
because Anna is here.

- I was wrong about the massage.
- Wait, wait, what did you say?

Say that again, I
didn't quite hear you.

Mm-hmm, it's 'cause you're
getting old. You can't hear.

I just wanna hear
those three little words.

Look, I was wrong
and you were right.

- You...
- You were right.

Thank you.

- But!
- Oh, no, you just ruined it.

Thank you, Missy!

We love you. You're the best.

We owe you!

It's still not worth
the risk of going there.

Maybe you can take a class.

- No.
- Do they go to school for that?

- Yes.
- You need to go to that school.

No.

Thanks, babe. Love you.

- Hugs and kisses!
- Love you too, bye.

Bye. I think that went well.

- She did call you Jason.
- Mm-hmm.

This is true.

It was totally worth it, bro.

This is the best
day at work ever.

I wanna go again.

All right, here's
the courthouse.

Are we ready for this?

- Yup!
- Gonna be officially official.

- Whoo-hoo!
- Are you excited?

- I'm excited.
- Hey, hey!

Counselor.

- Welcome, Robertson Family.
- Good to see you.

- Good to see you, Willie.
- Hi.

There's our man of the
hour. Baby, how are you?

Y'all ready?

- Yup.
- Yes!

- Let's go.
- You better get up here.

Even though we adopted Will
when he was five weeks old,

this was the first time we have
actually had this experience

to go before the judge.

Yeah, I was really nervous.

Like, I didn't know
what was gonna happen.

- A little fear of the unknown.
- Mm-hmm.

I think this is a big
day for everybody.

I mean, it's a decision on
his part, a decision on our part,

and a decision that all of
our kids had to be involved in,

that's saying yes, like, we're
gonna make this forever.

It's special.

It is.

God has blessed you
well, and blessed us,

so we're blessed to have you.

- I love you.
- Aww.

Love you too.

Woo-hoo!

- That was awesomeness.
- We did it.

- Yeah!
- Yeah. Oh, my goodness!

That was a big hug.
Beware, Rowdy's giving hugs.

Whoo!

- Okay, no.
- Yay!

His signature hugs.

- Rowdy, you want your paperwork, baby?
- Yes.

This is it. Congratulations.

Mom, you're in charge of this.

"Rowdy Keith Robertson."

- No, I'm in charge of that.
- You're in charge of that?

- Thank you for all your help.
- Thank you so much.

All right, guys.

Rowdy, give me one
of those good hugs.

Officially Rowdy Robertson.

- That's awesome.
- Whoo!

Okay, I feel like we're walking
towards the animal pens.

- You're like...
- Okay...

We're walking towards
the animal pens.

Are you ready, Rowdy?

- Everybody shh! Shh!
- I'm sure he can't hear that.

Don't show him the unicorn.

- All right, we ready?
- All right.

All right.

Surprise!

Whoa!

- Are you surprised?
- Yes!

Yes? Come see everybody!

Rowdy's reaction when
the blindfold came off

was the cutest thing
I think I've ever seen.

That smile could
not have been bigger,

and his eyes welled up in tears.

- Were you really surprised?
- Yes!

It was obvious that it was
an important moment for him.

Rowdy is very...
I mean, Rowdy...

Rowdy has classic
reactions about everything,

- so, uh...
- Yeah.

- Rowdy kind has big emotions.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- He's up and down.
- You catch the right butterfly,

you're gonna get an
awesome reaction.

- Rowdy. Rowdy!
- Agh!

The neat thing was
a real embodiment

- of really what he was coming into...
- Ow.

With this giant family,

and, uh, just people that, you
know, love and care about him.

I'm crying. Really.

I think it said it all just that
they showed up for him.

- All right.
- Oh, my gosh.

- Yeah, walk right back to that.
- Okay, boys.

- Is it a dinosaur?
- Probably a dinosaur.

- It is a dinosaur.
- Turn around and look down.

Look down.

- It's a turtle.
- There is a lot more.

- That is a tortoise.
- That's a... that's a dinosaur.

- You wanna come see what else?
- Snakes!

There's a scorpion!

Whoa!

That's the first time I've
ever seen a live crocodile.

- Wow.
- Its tail is so cool.

- Si, go hold that snake.
- No.

I ain't fiddling with no snake.

I love snakes.
Snakes are my favorite.

- Si, it's not poisonous.
- I don't care what it is.

- Sadie, look.
- Oh, what is... No, I didn't wanna see it.

- It's nice.
- No, no, no. Don't like snakes.

Just go hold the
snake for the party.

I'm not holding a
snake for the party.

Mom, this is the biggest
party I've ever been to.

All right, thank y'all
so much for coming.

This is a really, really
special day for our family.

So we have one other
little surprise for Rowdy.

The siblings and cousins
have written you little notes:

"What it means
to be a Robertson,"

because Rowdy is now
officially Rowdy Robertson.

All right, Mia, you wanna
come read yours first?

Okay. It says, "What it
means to be a Robertson.

Get ready for stinky
bathrooms and farts."

"And that you always have
another home on the street."

"Dear Rowdy, I'm so excited that
you're officially part of the family."

"Welcome to family, little bro."

"Being a Robertson is
an adventure like no other.

I'm so happy that you,
Rowdy, are now a Robertson

and we are stuck
together for life."

"There's a word that
a lot of people know,

and I'm sure you know it
too, and it's called ohana.

And it means family.

And family means no one
is forgotten or left behind."

"Rowdy, we have kind of
come from the same background.

I don't think if I told you this, but my
birth dad died when I was your age.

So, sometimes sad things happen,
but we don't really understand why.

But just know that you can
count on every single one of us.

We will always
be there for you."

I'm excited for our future

and a place where I can
just be happy and have fun.

- Always someone to play with.
- Yeah.

- Like, it's not lonely here.
- You're, like, on a team now.

- Yeah.
- You got a bigger team.

"Even when I tell
you that you're weird

for loving dragons,
Doritos and Pokémon,

know that I still
love you very much."

"Love you, Rowdy Robertson."

"I love you and our
whole family loves you."

"And I love you very much."

We got time to make up for too,

and I know you came
with a good heart.

So now you just get
to growing the beard.

I'm already getting there.

It's got a few sprigs.

Little spriggles.

"We all love you, and
we couldn't be happier

that you're in our family."

Welcome to the
family, little bro.

Welcome to the
family, Rowdy-saurus.

Best day of my life.

My dream had come true
and I'm excited to be loved.

Aww.

It's kind of hard
to follow that.

- I know.
- Yeah, I know.

That's hard to follow up.
Rowdy, we are proud of you,

and, uh, what you will see on this
Earth is your family who loves you,

all this people who came out
just to welcome you in the family,

like they've already done.

And, uh, we're proud of you.

And we know God's got
some big things in store for you.

He wanted to start by
saying brush your teeth, okay?

We'll start with the little things
and get to the big things later.

So, uh, we love you and we're
happy to welcome you into our family.

All right, I think Willie's
gonna say a prayer.

All right, let's have a prayer.

Father, we're so
thankful for this day.

Thank You for this group
of family and friends,

thank You for Rowdy and
him officially being a Robertson.

We're just thankful that You
brought him into our lives.

Thank You for teaching us about
adoption, and how You adopted us.

- Through Jesus, amen.
- Amen.

The decision to add a child to
your family ain't an easy one,

no matter if it's
your first or your fifth.

But when it comes to adoption,

it's a blessing to be able
to provide not only a home,

but a better
opportunity for a child.

And certainly with Rowdy,
we're also fortunate to receive

all the love and devotion
that he provides for our family,

and the extensive information
he'll constantly give us on dinosaurs.

Did you know that
the stegosaurus

has the smallest
brain for its body size?

Well... thanks to
Rowdy, you do now.