Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 11, Episode 11 - The Campfire Diaries - full transcript
Willie brings his family to a youth camp to revive an old tennis court. Jep undergoes lifeguard training.
All right, guys, thanks
for coming over.
We got a special
little project planned
and, uh, just wanted to see if
you wanted to help Korie and I out.
Well, hey, can we move this
thing along? I got stuff to do.
- Si, what do you have to do?
- You don't know my life!
I gotta play poker
at my homie's house.
- You got homies now?
- Yeah, I got homies, homie!
- All right.
- He's got homies!
Let's move this
thing along here!
Okay, you all know how important
Camp Ch-Yo-Ka is to our family.
It's been part of
our lives forever.
- It's where we met.
- We met there, yes.
Camp Ch-Yo-Ka is
a huge part of our life.
We actually worked
there right out of college.
And Willie was the camp manager,
camp maintenance
guy, camp everything.
- Mostly, I mowed grass.
- Yeah.
In one of the bunks,
it actually says
"Korie loves Willie" with
a little heart around it.
I wrote it in there
in like fourth grade.
Our kids are all campers
there every summer.
John Luke was
actually our first child
and we considered
naming him Ch-Yo-Ka.
No, we didn't.
- I thought about it.
- I like John Luke, though.
First time I took a shower
at camp, I got in the urinal.
- I thought it was a bathtub.
- What?!
Oh, good grief.
- It's a true story!
- That doesn't surprise me.
So we want to give back,
and we thought a family
service project would be good.
- Yeah.
- That's the deal with summer camp.
There's always
something that needs fixing.
- That is true.
- If you can find free labor,
they'll always take it.
I used to run the
camp as well, so...
So we want to do
something special for camp.
There's a tennis court
that I built 20 years ago,
and it was really
cool and awesome.
It was really cool and awesome.
It was cool and awesome.
The maintenance
and upkeep's not good,
so I got professionals that'll
come in and do all the construction,
but we just need to clean it up,
cut limbs, and make it look good.
And I thought it could be our
contribution to the camp as a family
to go out and do that.
So you want us to fix
your janky tennis court?
Well, it's been 20 years.
Everything needs to be
redone every once in a while.
Well, they've been playing Wimbledon
for how long? A hundred years?
I'm not a professional
tennis court builder.
- It's about the children, okay?
- Why don't we do this?
If we're gonna go
out there and work,
why don't we go out
there and just stay?
- Like, stay in the cabins?
- Yeah.
- We don't have to stay.
- That would be fun!
I mean, we don't have
to spend the night.
It gets hot and
there's a lot of bugs.
- Jase, it's too hot for us...
- Get off the grid!
- Grid's not that bad.
- There isn't any wi-fi out there, so...
- That's true.
- No wi-fi?
No video games, Jep.
Y'all are acting like
we're going to the Moon.
Look, it doesn't take
a genius to figure out
that no one is real enthused
about renovating a
crappy old tennis court.
Jase, you realize those
showers are communal?
Where is it in the bylaws
we have to take a shower?
- What?!
- I've gone weeks without a shower.
- Jase.
- Ew.
Oh.
That's not recommended.
I'm using this situation
as an opportunity to go
back to a happy place.
This is how I work.
I find incentives to
make it enjoyable.
I often wonder what makes
you motivated to work.
Which for me was
being a kid at camp.
We get off the grid,
we do all the fun stuff.
Then you have this
little part where you work.
Then it makes that enjoyable.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- What do y'all think?
- Yeah.
- That sounds fun!
- Kids are in!
All right, I'll stay out there.
So we'll meet at
the camp tomorrow.
Everybody bring your work
clothes, I'll have the tools.
Y'all talked me into it.
It just means I get more
s'mores and baked beans
- and that's a perk.
- Lay off the baked beans.
Oh, no, I love baked beans.
Think of the campers, Si.
Si, I thought you had
a poker game to go to.
Oh, good call.
Thanks a lot, homie.
Hey, peace, y'all!
Did he just say, "Peace, y'all"?
I think he's going through
a late life hippie crisis.
Peace out!
- We're here.
- Everybody get your stuff!
Okay, everybody out.
- All right, got your bag?
- Gus, grab somethin'.
Okay, gather up.
All right, boys' village
here, girls' village here.
- Stay out of each other's village.
- Wait, what?
That's right, you're
not the Village People.
We can't sleep, husband
and wife, together?
No co-ed cabins. It's
just the integrity of camp.
What I love about camp
is that there are no rules,
only traditions!
And these traditions
must be kept and enforced!
- No cell phones.
- That's right.
If we hear a cell phone, then
you must face camp punishment:
Run the mess hall seven times.
- Turns your phones off.
- Babe.
I just said no cell phones.
You can't come out to
camp and all of a sudden
bring the technological
world with you!
- Who made you the camp director?
- Another camp policy.
- Let's go home.
- Oh, my goodness.
The older people
are the counselors.
Well, wouldn't that
mean Si's in charge?
- Now you're talkin'!
- Except for Si.
No.
Camp is a great place
to keep people from
becoming yuppie-fied.
Okay, everybody, go set up your
bunk and meet at the tennis court.
All right, meet in the man area.
- Come on, Gus man!
- Let's go.
Gus is ready to play.
I don't know
about all this, boys.
- This is still a bad idea.
- Yeah, I'm with you.
Yeah, it is a bad idea.
- It's just like old times.
- All right, yeah, oh.
- Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.
- What do you mean, "uh, uh, uh, uh, uh"?
- You ain't taking that one.
- Hey, no!
- I'm in this one.
- Uh-uh, look.
Si, I don't want you
sleeping on top of me!
- What are you talking about?
- 'Cause you move the whole bunk!
Hey, learn to live with it, son.
Look, you know, in the Army? Hey,
look, you always take the top bunk.
Because, look, you don't
want to be on the bottom,
okay, if there's a fluid mishap.
Why do you have so many
clothes on? It's 100 degrees.
Yeah, but hey! It's
wintertime in Australia.
- Give me a lift up here, boys.
- Quit steppin' all over my bed!
Willie, he may not
still do this, okay?
But I heard he used to
be a bedwetter. Okay?
But I'm not taking any chances.
Hey, look, you know
what this reminds me of?
- A bad horror movie?
- No.
There's blood on some
of these mattresses.
It's not blood, it's paint.
- That's blood.
- It's paint! It's red paint.
- It's paint.
- Okay, I see how this turn out.
Most camps have a
haunted house. Is this it?
It is with you in here.
Skeleton up there.
Willie, you must've been on a shoestring
budget when you built all this crap.
Si, can you shut
up for two seconds?
No, I probably can't.
I'm gonna sleep on the floor.
Y'all wasted a lot of
lumber on this stuff.
Are you gonna
talk the whole time?
What is you doing over there?
I'm about to go home
and get my headphones.
- What are you doing, Will?
- I'm setting up my bed.
You're gonna enclose
the whole thing?
You don't want to see us
walking around in our underwear?
I don't want to see you at all!
I'll sleep in the buff, boys.
- You're sleeping naked?
- Yeah, I sleep naked!
Oh, sh... Ugh!
- That's it, I'm moving.
- I don't wear no clothes to bed.
- I'm sleeping outside.
- Well, hold on, help me down.
See you guys at
the tennis court!
Hey! How am I supposed
to get down from here?
There's just some things
that a man shouldn't see.
No respect!
All right, come on
down, everybody!
Come on, kids!
Whoa!
It's seen better days.
Dad, you built this?
I built this. I'm a
tennis court builder!
I remember when you built this,
but it seemed a lot cooler back then.
That's why we're
here to help clean it up.
I can't be held responsible
for this tennis court
not standing the test of time.
It's not even level.
They're not allowed to
build them like this anymore.
Hey, it was 20 years ago! It
looked really cool at the time.
Do people give the Egyptians a hard
time 'cause the Sphinx's nose fell off?
I don't think so.
I deserve a little more respect.
They always say the
design points to the designer.
Nah.
Hey, y'all need to
quit hatin' on him.
There is an entire
generation of tennis players
that grew up right
here on this court.
I have faith that, if
we work together,
we can return this
court to its original glory.
Matter of fact, I
think John McEnroe,
the famous tennis man
that's about 150 years old now,
he cut his teeth on this
when he was a child!
Which, let's get real: With this group
of slackers, this ain't gonna happen.
Si, you're older
than John McEnroe.
No, he's older than dirt.
Well, you're
older than old dirt.
- You're the clay under the dirt.
- Nah!
That's why I hired a construction
crew to pick up where we leave off.
Okay, I'm gon' put
y'all into different crews.
We need the limbs picked up
because there's a big, dead tree.
We gotta take care of that.
We don't want it falling
down and hurting anybody.
Look, is that poison ivy?
'Cause I'm highly allergic to it.
It is.
Okay, we'll put
you on poison ivy.
No, I'm not touching that.
I'm not going anywhere near it.
All the tools are over here.
Jase, you're in
charge of the tree.
- All right, let's go!
- All right, let's do it!
- Let's work!
- We are working!
I tell you what, boys,
it's gon' take forever to get
this job done with this crew.
Hey, Will? You might have to
call in the professionals, son!
Jep, I'm not sure what
you're doing is very effective.
I just like using this tool.
- Whoo, it's hot!
- Yeah, I need like a snow cone.
Rowdy, come get my glass
and fill it up with ice for me!
You know, I'm kind
of busy right now, Si.
It's supposed to... Hey, look,
it's supposed to be iced tea.
This is gonna be exciting.
Can you imagine when all
of the new campers come
this next year
and they see this...
- They're gonna be shocked.
- Totally re-done tennis court?
Our kids will be bragging
that they did the work.
I know! It's good
for the kids to see,
'cause when they come
out at camp every year,
they don't really realize all
the hard work that is involved.
Camp holds a really
special place in the heart.
I actually grew up there
'cause my mom has been
the camp director my whole life.
- We were co-directors.
- She... That's right.
I taught the arts and crafts
when our kids were little.
It was fun!
- Hey, everybody!
- What's up, Chrys?
- Hey!
- Hi!
- I'm so excited y'all are out here!
- I'm on a roll!
Okay, I'm not sure I'm
gonna hug Willie, but...
- I'm sweaty.
- I know I'm family,
but I'm, like, being
what I am, camp director.
So I'm coming on official camp
business and telling y'all, thank you!
- I mean, this is awesome.
- This is gonna be great.
Every camp director
loves free labor.
Working on the tennis court
brings back so much fun memories.
It's actually where
Willie and I met.
Yep, I asked her on the
hike, the moonlight hike.
Yep. I thought he was so cute.
And we made love under the tree.
No, we didn't.
- I'll see you guys later. See you!
- All right, Chrys.
- Bye!
- All right. Bye, mom.
See, Cill? It's just like we
re-did Mamaw's kitchen.
- Yeah, but it's really hot outside.
- It is hot.
Man, this is more work
than I thought it was.
Dad, it's too hot.
Can we go swimming?
We've been working all day!
We have been working all
day. I think it's time for a dip.
Look, they're all busy.
Go, Bobby! Go, Bobby!
Go, Bobby! Go, Bobby!
Can y'all go get the rest of
the kids? Come on, let's go.
Swimming! Swimming!
Swimming! Swimming! Swimming!
We're gonna start a revolt!
Ain't nobody gonna stop us!
- Come on, spinaroonie!
- Whoo!
- Jep!
- Ten!
I would say that's a ten.
- We said nine and half.
- Nine and a half?
That's pretty good,
you splashed me.
Hey, not to be a party pooper,
- but do y'all have a lifeguard?
- Me.
Are you a lifeguard?
Are you certified?
I'm a certified
dad. That counts.
Well, camp rules: you have
to have a lifeguard and if...
I mean, I'm a lifeguard. I'm a
dad and I take care of my kids.
No, you have to be a
real lifeguard at camp.
- It's camp rules.
- Oh!
I don't have a problem with camp
rules when they're applied to campers.
I'm an adult.
This is like your dog telling you
you're not allowed on the couch.
It don't work like that.
Well, anybody
can be a lifeguard.
You can do a test right now. We
can, like, certify you for the camp.
Oh, yeah, you
should do that, babe.
And they have the thing
here, like, the directions.
We just need to make
sure that the camp director
- is here to witness it.
- Yeah, I can do this.
When I was a camper here,
I could've easily passed
the swimming test,
but I had a bad batch of
sloppy joes the night before.
It was a rough night.
I can go get the stuff and call to
mama and then we can just do it.
Challenge accepted.
I'll be right back!
Lifeguard test, pfft.
I did get a camp
nickname out of it, though.
"Sloppy Jep."
Which is kind of funny.
If you saw a child in
the water drowning,
you would jump in and save
em', or you would die tryin'.
- You know?
- That's my motto.
"Save kids, get
rich or die trying."
- What?
- What!
- What?
- Where do you get that from?
All right, here's
what you're gonna do.
We'll speed this process up.
Ain't nothing like a chainsaw
to speed up everything.
This tree's dead. Take it down.
- Notch it right here.
- Oh, you want me to do it?
Yeah, you can do it.
I taught you how to do this.
Like, one time,
like, two years ago.
Well, you gotta learn sometime.
Every kid should learn
how to operate a chainsaw.
It is a basic building
block of existence.
Notch it, you want it
falling south. All right?
Okay.
Cole, you make sure he doesn't
mess up. You can holler "timber."
As soon as you hear
the crack. "Timber!"
- All right, you'll hear it.
- All right, go and do it.
- Tree's comin' down!
- Come on, let's do it.
Passing on a chainsaw to my kids
is like passing a torch.
This is what you
do in our world.
- Where'd everybody else go?
- They're at the pool.
They're gon' miss the show!
Who's running the
chainsaw right now?
- Reed and Cole.
- Jase...
I've trained them!
Never, eat, slimy, worms.
- Yeah, that looks good to me.
- I think it will probably work.
Do I have confidence that
Reed and Cole can pull this off?
Of course!
It's pretty hard to mess
up cutting down a tree.
You make a cut, gravity takes
over, you get out of the way.
It's pretty simple.
Here we go!
It's going the wrong way.
- Stop!
- Oh!
Oh, my God! Jase...
That didn't go as planned.
- You all right?!
- Reed cut it.
- Oh, they're fine.
- I think the wind just caught it
and blew it the other way.
He tore the whole fence up.
Oh, that fence was old anyway.
Oh, Willie's gon' be ticked.
We just cleaned
that whole thing up.
I didn't tear it up, they did!
I'm going to the pool.
Well, that was an
adrenaline rush.
Reed, do you know
north from south?
Never, eat, slimy, worms.
All right, Jep.
- Are you ready for this test?
- Eh.
Yeah, I don't think
you are, either.
But what you have to do is,
you have to do a 300
meter freestyle first.
Then you have to dive in
the water and rescue a brick.
Rescue, 300 meters... oof.
Babe, I don't think
you can do this.
- What kind of training have you done?
- None.
I don't think
anybody can do this.
This test sounds a lot harder than
it was when I was a camper here.
I've been watching the
Olympics and it looks awesome.
It's kind of like a
Ninja Warrior course.
Hey, let's see what you
got there, David Hasselhoff!
In water.
I'm pretty sure back then you just
put, like, sunscreen on your nose,
wear some cool sunglasses,
and just yell: "Hey! No runnin'!"
All right, we're gonna go with
the 300-meter freestyle first.
Well, we don't use meters,
so how do we know?
Just start swimming.
I'll tell you when to stop.
Well, if you're gon' be Michael
Phelps, you gotta get wet!
At this point, I'm pretty sure
I'm gonna rise to the occasion.
Or I might sink to the occasion.
Jep, we want to
see that hairy chest.
- Why would you cannonball?
- You're wasting your energy!
That literally gave
you no momentum.
Go, go!
- Oh, my gosh.
- All right, Jep!
- Whoo-hoo-hoo.
- You got this.
Come on, Jep!
- Whoo!
- You got it.
Come on, babe, you got this.
All right, Jep, whoo-hoo-hoo!
- No, you can't do that.
- No.
No, Jep.
It's harder than it looks.
Take it off, Jep.
No, that's like an insult to those
of us who have done this before.
- Jep, go! You can't stop, go!
- That's half of it!
You're doing the
puppy dog paddle!
Hey, look, you know, having
Jep save you from drowning
is kind of like asking
Willie to, you know,
save you the last
piece of pizza.
That ain't gon' happen.
Swimming's hard!
Baywatch ain't
never been this good!
Yeah, this is rough.
Look, on Baywatch,
the lifeguard always run down
to the beach in slow motion.
Well, hey, Jep's
good at one thing.
Hey!
Somebody wake me
when he gets to the end.
He's got the slow
motion part down pat.
Okay.
All right, Jep. Are
you well rested?
- No.
- All right, good.
So the next one, you're
going to dive for this brick.
Then you rescue it, bring it all the
way down there and all the way back,
and then you will have
completed the brick challenge.
- Save the kid, Jep!
- Come on, babe!
All right, you got it, Jep.
There is something exhilarating
about reaching down
and grabbing somebody
and pulling them to safety.
Even if that
somebody is a brick.
You got it, you got it.
Rescue, rescue, go!
Keep his head above the water.
If I'm gon' have to give this
thing mouth to brick resuscitation,
I'm out on that.
Hurry, Jep!
You gotta come back
down here. No! Hey!
Sloth loves chocolate.
Rocky... road?
So, I'm gonna
say that you failed.
Disqualified, you
flunked that one too.
Okay, that was painful.
All right, boys, I've
had it. I'm out of here.
Hang on, we ain't done.
We gotta go clear that
tree out of the tennis court.
When are we gonna
start having some fun?
- That's all I'm saying.
- Hey, everybody,
meet at the tennis court... Ah!
Now we're having fun!
Oh, that's what
I'm talking about!
Jase, you are in
so much trouble!
Ah!
Everybody quiet down,
we gotta get some sleep.
Good night, everybody.
- Good night, Jase.
- Good night, Jep.
- Good night, Si.
- Good night.
- Good night, Willie.
- Good night, guys.
- Good night, Willie.
- Good night, Jase!
Good night, Willie.
Guys, seriously!
I think we've said "good
night" enough times.
Good night.
That's it, I'm sleeping outside.
Can we open our eyes now?
Okay, I'm getting' excited.
- Yep.
- Look at it!
Whoa!
A little better. What
do you think, Chrys?
I think you did better
than 20 years ago.
I love it!
I had a better budget
this time, I know that.
The tennis court turned out
a lot better than I expected.
Seeing that we had
so many distractions,
which is pretty much
my whole family,
- I think we did a good job.
- Yeah.
All new fences.
We replaced the one that Jase and
his sons knocked down with a tree.
I did you a favor. Thank me now.
And the construction
crew came in and...
It's always nice to have somebody
professional come in behind you
and make sure it looks good.
This is awesome! Our
kids are gonna love it!
This next summer,
they're gonna be shocked
when they get here and see this.
- The Robertsons' pleasure to help out.
- Super good.
All right, well, in
honor of this camp
and all the memories
that we made here,
let's have a word to God.
Father, we're so thankful for all
the many blessings You've given us,
especially this camp.
We're thankful that we can help
improve it and make it better for the kids.
We hope that we can
get more tools, Father,
to help them out in the mission
of bringing people to You.
Through all this, we
pray to Jesus, amen.
- Amen.
- Amen.
- Well, let's play some tennis!
- I want to see it in action.
Who's up?
- I'm playing with Sadie, I know that.
- Okay.
Cole, I may need you to carry me
here, buddy. I've played about three times.
A wise man once said
to never neglect an
opportunity for improvement.
I've learned that,
with an open mind,
these opportunities
can be found anywhere.
Maybe it's that janky old tennis
court that you built 20 years ago,
or it can even be
your swimming skills.
Whatever it is, I can promise
that when you put in the
effort to make something better,
you'll find that everything
around you becomes better too.
I got an idea.
We should stay here
at camp again tonight.
No, no one even has
anything to sleep in.
That's not a problem for me.
for coming over.
We got a special
little project planned
and, uh, just wanted to see if
you wanted to help Korie and I out.
Well, hey, can we move this
thing along? I got stuff to do.
- Si, what do you have to do?
- You don't know my life!
I gotta play poker
at my homie's house.
- You got homies now?
- Yeah, I got homies, homie!
- All right.
- He's got homies!
Let's move this
thing along here!
Okay, you all know how important
Camp Ch-Yo-Ka is to our family.
It's been part of
our lives forever.
- It's where we met.
- We met there, yes.
Camp Ch-Yo-Ka is
a huge part of our life.
We actually worked
there right out of college.
And Willie was the camp manager,
camp maintenance
guy, camp everything.
- Mostly, I mowed grass.
- Yeah.
In one of the bunks,
it actually says
"Korie loves Willie" with
a little heart around it.
I wrote it in there
in like fourth grade.
Our kids are all campers
there every summer.
John Luke was
actually our first child
and we considered
naming him Ch-Yo-Ka.
No, we didn't.
- I thought about it.
- I like John Luke, though.
First time I took a shower
at camp, I got in the urinal.
- I thought it was a bathtub.
- What?!
Oh, good grief.
- It's a true story!
- That doesn't surprise me.
So we want to give back,
and we thought a family
service project would be good.
- Yeah.
- That's the deal with summer camp.
There's always
something that needs fixing.
- That is true.
- If you can find free labor,
they'll always take it.
I used to run the
camp as well, so...
So we want to do
something special for camp.
There's a tennis court
that I built 20 years ago,
and it was really
cool and awesome.
It was really cool and awesome.
It was cool and awesome.
The maintenance
and upkeep's not good,
so I got professionals that'll
come in and do all the construction,
but we just need to clean it up,
cut limbs, and make it look good.
And I thought it could be our
contribution to the camp as a family
to go out and do that.
So you want us to fix
your janky tennis court?
Well, it's been 20 years.
Everything needs to be
redone every once in a while.
Well, they've been playing Wimbledon
for how long? A hundred years?
I'm not a professional
tennis court builder.
- It's about the children, okay?
- Why don't we do this?
If we're gonna go
out there and work,
why don't we go out
there and just stay?
- Like, stay in the cabins?
- Yeah.
- We don't have to stay.
- That would be fun!
I mean, we don't have
to spend the night.
It gets hot and
there's a lot of bugs.
- Jase, it's too hot for us...
- Get off the grid!
- Grid's not that bad.
- There isn't any wi-fi out there, so...
- That's true.
- No wi-fi?
No video games, Jep.
Y'all are acting like
we're going to the Moon.
Look, it doesn't take
a genius to figure out
that no one is real enthused
about renovating a
crappy old tennis court.
Jase, you realize those
showers are communal?
Where is it in the bylaws
we have to take a shower?
- What?!
- I've gone weeks without a shower.
- Jase.
- Ew.
Oh.
That's not recommended.
I'm using this situation
as an opportunity to go
back to a happy place.
This is how I work.
I find incentives to
make it enjoyable.
I often wonder what makes
you motivated to work.
Which for me was
being a kid at camp.
We get off the grid,
we do all the fun stuff.
Then you have this
little part where you work.
Then it makes that enjoyable.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- What do y'all think?
- Yeah.
- That sounds fun!
- Kids are in!
All right, I'll stay out there.
So we'll meet at
the camp tomorrow.
Everybody bring your work
clothes, I'll have the tools.
Y'all talked me into it.
It just means I get more
s'mores and baked beans
- and that's a perk.
- Lay off the baked beans.
Oh, no, I love baked beans.
Think of the campers, Si.
Si, I thought you had
a poker game to go to.
Oh, good call.
Thanks a lot, homie.
Hey, peace, y'all!
Did he just say, "Peace, y'all"?
I think he's going through
a late life hippie crisis.
Peace out!
- We're here.
- Everybody get your stuff!
Okay, everybody out.
- All right, got your bag?
- Gus, grab somethin'.
Okay, gather up.
All right, boys' village
here, girls' village here.
- Stay out of each other's village.
- Wait, what?
That's right, you're
not the Village People.
We can't sleep, husband
and wife, together?
No co-ed cabins. It's
just the integrity of camp.
What I love about camp
is that there are no rules,
only traditions!
And these traditions
must be kept and enforced!
- No cell phones.
- That's right.
If we hear a cell phone, then
you must face camp punishment:
Run the mess hall seven times.
- Turns your phones off.
- Babe.
I just said no cell phones.
You can't come out to
camp and all of a sudden
bring the technological
world with you!
- Who made you the camp director?
- Another camp policy.
- Let's go home.
- Oh, my goodness.
The older people
are the counselors.
Well, wouldn't that
mean Si's in charge?
- Now you're talkin'!
- Except for Si.
No.
Camp is a great place
to keep people from
becoming yuppie-fied.
Okay, everybody, go set up your
bunk and meet at the tennis court.
All right, meet in the man area.
- Come on, Gus man!
- Let's go.
Gus is ready to play.
I don't know
about all this, boys.
- This is still a bad idea.
- Yeah, I'm with you.
Yeah, it is a bad idea.
- It's just like old times.
- All right, yeah, oh.
- Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.
- What do you mean, "uh, uh, uh, uh, uh"?
- You ain't taking that one.
- Hey, no!
- I'm in this one.
- Uh-uh, look.
Si, I don't want you
sleeping on top of me!
- What are you talking about?
- 'Cause you move the whole bunk!
Hey, learn to live with it, son.
Look, you know, in the Army? Hey,
look, you always take the top bunk.
Because, look, you don't
want to be on the bottom,
okay, if there's a fluid mishap.
Why do you have so many
clothes on? It's 100 degrees.
Yeah, but hey! It's
wintertime in Australia.
- Give me a lift up here, boys.
- Quit steppin' all over my bed!
Willie, he may not
still do this, okay?
But I heard he used to
be a bedwetter. Okay?
But I'm not taking any chances.
Hey, look, you know
what this reminds me of?
- A bad horror movie?
- No.
There's blood on some
of these mattresses.
It's not blood, it's paint.
- That's blood.
- It's paint! It's red paint.
- It's paint.
- Okay, I see how this turn out.
Most camps have a
haunted house. Is this it?
It is with you in here.
Skeleton up there.
Willie, you must've been on a shoestring
budget when you built all this crap.
Si, can you shut
up for two seconds?
No, I probably can't.
I'm gonna sleep on the floor.
Y'all wasted a lot of
lumber on this stuff.
Are you gonna
talk the whole time?
What is you doing over there?
I'm about to go home
and get my headphones.
- What are you doing, Will?
- I'm setting up my bed.
You're gonna enclose
the whole thing?
You don't want to see us
walking around in our underwear?
I don't want to see you at all!
I'll sleep in the buff, boys.
- You're sleeping naked?
- Yeah, I sleep naked!
Oh, sh... Ugh!
- That's it, I'm moving.
- I don't wear no clothes to bed.
- I'm sleeping outside.
- Well, hold on, help me down.
See you guys at
the tennis court!
Hey! How am I supposed
to get down from here?
There's just some things
that a man shouldn't see.
No respect!
All right, come on
down, everybody!
Come on, kids!
Whoa!
It's seen better days.
Dad, you built this?
I built this. I'm a
tennis court builder!
I remember when you built this,
but it seemed a lot cooler back then.
That's why we're
here to help clean it up.
I can't be held responsible
for this tennis court
not standing the test of time.
It's not even level.
They're not allowed to
build them like this anymore.
Hey, it was 20 years ago! It
looked really cool at the time.
Do people give the Egyptians a hard
time 'cause the Sphinx's nose fell off?
I don't think so.
I deserve a little more respect.
They always say the
design points to the designer.
Nah.
Hey, y'all need to
quit hatin' on him.
There is an entire
generation of tennis players
that grew up right
here on this court.
I have faith that, if
we work together,
we can return this
court to its original glory.
Matter of fact, I
think John McEnroe,
the famous tennis man
that's about 150 years old now,
he cut his teeth on this
when he was a child!
Which, let's get real: With this group
of slackers, this ain't gonna happen.
Si, you're older
than John McEnroe.
No, he's older than dirt.
Well, you're
older than old dirt.
- You're the clay under the dirt.
- Nah!
That's why I hired a construction
crew to pick up where we leave off.
Okay, I'm gon' put
y'all into different crews.
We need the limbs picked up
because there's a big, dead tree.
We gotta take care of that.
We don't want it falling
down and hurting anybody.
Look, is that poison ivy?
'Cause I'm highly allergic to it.
It is.
Okay, we'll put
you on poison ivy.
No, I'm not touching that.
I'm not going anywhere near it.
All the tools are over here.
Jase, you're in
charge of the tree.
- All right, let's go!
- All right, let's do it!
- Let's work!
- We are working!
I tell you what, boys,
it's gon' take forever to get
this job done with this crew.
Hey, Will? You might have to
call in the professionals, son!
Jep, I'm not sure what
you're doing is very effective.
I just like using this tool.
- Whoo, it's hot!
- Yeah, I need like a snow cone.
Rowdy, come get my glass
and fill it up with ice for me!
You know, I'm kind
of busy right now, Si.
It's supposed to... Hey, look,
it's supposed to be iced tea.
This is gonna be exciting.
Can you imagine when all
of the new campers come
this next year
and they see this...
- They're gonna be shocked.
- Totally re-done tennis court?
Our kids will be bragging
that they did the work.
I know! It's good
for the kids to see,
'cause when they come
out at camp every year,
they don't really realize all
the hard work that is involved.
Camp holds a really
special place in the heart.
I actually grew up there
'cause my mom has been
the camp director my whole life.
- We were co-directors.
- She... That's right.
I taught the arts and crafts
when our kids were little.
It was fun!
- Hey, everybody!
- What's up, Chrys?
- Hey!
- Hi!
- I'm so excited y'all are out here!
- I'm on a roll!
Okay, I'm not sure I'm
gonna hug Willie, but...
- I'm sweaty.
- I know I'm family,
but I'm, like, being
what I am, camp director.
So I'm coming on official camp
business and telling y'all, thank you!
- I mean, this is awesome.
- This is gonna be great.
Every camp director
loves free labor.
Working on the tennis court
brings back so much fun memories.
It's actually where
Willie and I met.
Yep, I asked her on the
hike, the moonlight hike.
Yep. I thought he was so cute.
And we made love under the tree.
No, we didn't.
- I'll see you guys later. See you!
- All right, Chrys.
- Bye!
- All right. Bye, mom.
See, Cill? It's just like we
re-did Mamaw's kitchen.
- Yeah, but it's really hot outside.
- It is hot.
Man, this is more work
than I thought it was.
Dad, it's too hot.
Can we go swimming?
We've been working all day!
We have been working all
day. I think it's time for a dip.
Look, they're all busy.
Go, Bobby! Go, Bobby!
Go, Bobby! Go, Bobby!
Can y'all go get the rest of
the kids? Come on, let's go.
Swimming! Swimming!
Swimming! Swimming! Swimming!
We're gonna start a revolt!
Ain't nobody gonna stop us!
- Come on, spinaroonie!
- Whoo!
- Jep!
- Ten!
I would say that's a ten.
- We said nine and half.
- Nine and a half?
That's pretty good,
you splashed me.
Hey, not to be a party pooper,
- but do y'all have a lifeguard?
- Me.
Are you a lifeguard?
Are you certified?
I'm a certified
dad. That counts.
Well, camp rules: you have
to have a lifeguard and if...
I mean, I'm a lifeguard. I'm a
dad and I take care of my kids.
No, you have to be a
real lifeguard at camp.
- It's camp rules.
- Oh!
I don't have a problem with camp
rules when they're applied to campers.
I'm an adult.
This is like your dog telling you
you're not allowed on the couch.
It don't work like that.
Well, anybody
can be a lifeguard.
You can do a test right now. We
can, like, certify you for the camp.
Oh, yeah, you
should do that, babe.
And they have the thing
here, like, the directions.
We just need to make
sure that the camp director
- is here to witness it.
- Yeah, I can do this.
When I was a camper here,
I could've easily passed
the swimming test,
but I had a bad batch of
sloppy joes the night before.
It was a rough night.
I can go get the stuff and call to
mama and then we can just do it.
Challenge accepted.
I'll be right back!
Lifeguard test, pfft.
I did get a camp
nickname out of it, though.
"Sloppy Jep."
Which is kind of funny.
If you saw a child in
the water drowning,
you would jump in and save
em', or you would die tryin'.
- You know?
- That's my motto.
"Save kids, get
rich or die trying."
- What?
- What!
- What?
- Where do you get that from?
All right, here's
what you're gonna do.
We'll speed this process up.
Ain't nothing like a chainsaw
to speed up everything.
This tree's dead. Take it down.
- Notch it right here.
- Oh, you want me to do it?
Yeah, you can do it.
I taught you how to do this.
Like, one time,
like, two years ago.
Well, you gotta learn sometime.
Every kid should learn
how to operate a chainsaw.
It is a basic building
block of existence.
Notch it, you want it
falling south. All right?
Okay.
Cole, you make sure he doesn't
mess up. You can holler "timber."
As soon as you hear
the crack. "Timber!"
- All right, you'll hear it.
- All right, go and do it.
- Tree's comin' down!
- Come on, let's do it.
Passing on a chainsaw to my kids
is like passing a torch.
This is what you
do in our world.
- Where'd everybody else go?
- They're at the pool.
They're gon' miss the show!
Who's running the
chainsaw right now?
- Reed and Cole.
- Jase...
I've trained them!
Never, eat, slimy, worms.
- Yeah, that looks good to me.
- I think it will probably work.
Do I have confidence that
Reed and Cole can pull this off?
Of course!
It's pretty hard to mess
up cutting down a tree.
You make a cut, gravity takes
over, you get out of the way.
It's pretty simple.
Here we go!
It's going the wrong way.
- Stop!
- Oh!
Oh, my God! Jase...
That didn't go as planned.
- You all right?!
- Reed cut it.
- Oh, they're fine.
- I think the wind just caught it
and blew it the other way.
He tore the whole fence up.
Oh, that fence was old anyway.
Oh, Willie's gon' be ticked.
We just cleaned
that whole thing up.
I didn't tear it up, they did!
I'm going to the pool.
Well, that was an
adrenaline rush.
Reed, do you know
north from south?
Never, eat, slimy, worms.
All right, Jep.
- Are you ready for this test?
- Eh.
Yeah, I don't think
you are, either.
But what you have to do is,
you have to do a 300
meter freestyle first.
Then you have to dive in
the water and rescue a brick.
Rescue, 300 meters... oof.
Babe, I don't think
you can do this.
- What kind of training have you done?
- None.
I don't think
anybody can do this.
This test sounds a lot harder than
it was when I was a camper here.
I've been watching the
Olympics and it looks awesome.
It's kind of like a
Ninja Warrior course.
Hey, let's see what you
got there, David Hasselhoff!
In water.
I'm pretty sure back then you just
put, like, sunscreen on your nose,
wear some cool sunglasses,
and just yell: "Hey! No runnin'!"
All right, we're gonna go with
the 300-meter freestyle first.
Well, we don't use meters,
so how do we know?
Just start swimming.
I'll tell you when to stop.
Well, if you're gon' be Michael
Phelps, you gotta get wet!
At this point, I'm pretty sure
I'm gonna rise to the occasion.
Or I might sink to the occasion.
Jep, we want to
see that hairy chest.
- Why would you cannonball?
- You're wasting your energy!
That literally gave
you no momentum.
Go, go!
- Oh, my gosh.
- All right, Jep!
- Whoo-hoo-hoo.
- You got this.
Come on, Jep!
- Whoo!
- You got it.
Come on, babe, you got this.
All right, Jep, whoo-hoo-hoo!
- No, you can't do that.
- No.
No, Jep.
It's harder than it looks.
Take it off, Jep.
No, that's like an insult to those
of us who have done this before.
- Jep, go! You can't stop, go!
- That's half of it!
You're doing the
puppy dog paddle!
Hey, look, you know, having
Jep save you from drowning
is kind of like asking
Willie to, you know,
save you the last
piece of pizza.
That ain't gon' happen.
Swimming's hard!
Baywatch ain't
never been this good!
Yeah, this is rough.
Look, on Baywatch,
the lifeguard always run down
to the beach in slow motion.
Well, hey, Jep's
good at one thing.
Hey!
Somebody wake me
when he gets to the end.
He's got the slow
motion part down pat.
Okay.
All right, Jep. Are
you well rested?
- No.
- All right, good.
So the next one, you're
going to dive for this brick.
Then you rescue it, bring it all the
way down there and all the way back,
and then you will have
completed the brick challenge.
- Save the kid, Jep!
- Come on, babe!
All right, you got it, Jep.
There is something exhilarating
about reaching down
and grabbing somebody
and pulling them to safety.
Even if that
somebody is a brick.
You got it, you got it.
Rescue, rescue, go!
Keep his head above the water.
If I'm gon' have to give this
thing mouth to brick resuscitation,
I'm out on that.
Hurry, Jep!
You gotta come back
down here. No! Hey!
Sloth loves chocolate.
Rocky... road?
So, I'm gonna
say that you failed.
Disqualified, you
flunked that one too.
Okay, that was painful.
All right, boys, I've
had it. I'm out of here.
Hang on, we ain't done.
We gotta go clear that
tree out of the tennis court.
When are we gonna
start having some fun?
- That's all I'm saying.
- Hey, everybody,
meet at the tennis court... Ah!
Now we're having fun!
Oh, that's what
I'm talking about!
Jase, you are in
so much trouble!
Ah!
Everybody quiet down,
we gotta get some sleep.
Good night, everybody.
- Good night, Jase.
- Good night, Jep.
- Good night, Si.
- Good night.
- Good night, Willie.
- Good night, guys.
- Good night, Willie.
- Good night, Jase!
Good night, Willie.
Guys, seriously!
I think we've said "good
night" enough times.
Good night.
That's it, I'm sleeping outside.
Can we open our eyes now?
Okay, I'm getting' excited.
- Yep.
- Look at it!
Whoa!
A little better. What
do you think, Chrys?
I think you did better
than 20 years ago.
I love it!
I had a better budget
this time, I know that.
The tennis court turned out
a lot better than I expected.
Seeing that we had
so many distractions,
which is pretty much
my whole family,
- I think we did a good job.
- Yeah.
All new fences.
We replaced the one that Jase and
his sons knocked down with a tree.
I did you a favor. Thank me now.
And the construction
crew came in and...
It's always nice to have somebody
professional come in behind you
and make sure it looks good.
This is awesome! Our
kids are gonna love it!
This next summer,
they're gonna be shocked
when they get here and see this.
- The Robertsons' pleasure to help out.
- Super good.
All right, well, in
honor of this camp
and all the memories
that we made here,
let's have a word to God.
Father, we're so thankful for all
the many blessings You've given us,
especially this camp.
We're thankful that we can help
improve it and make it better for the kids.
We hope that we can
get more tools, Father,
to help them out in the mission
of bringing people to You.
Through all this, we
pray to Jesus, amen.
- Amen.
- Amen.
- Well, let's play some tennis!
- I want to see it in action.
Who's up?
- I'm playing with Sadie, I know that.
- Okay.
Cole, I may need you to carry me
here, buddy. I've played about three times.
A wise man once said
to never neglect an
opportunity for improvement.
I've learned that,
with an open mind,
these opportunities
can be found anywhere.
Maybe it's that janky old tennis
court that you built 20 years ago,
or it can even be
your swimming skills.
Whatever it is, I can promise
that when you put in the
effort to make something better,
you'll find that everything
around you becomes better too.
I got an idea.
We should stay here
at camp again tonight.
No, no one even has
anything to sleep in.
That's not a problem for me.