Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 10, Episode 9 - Sadie's Choice - full transcript
Willie takes Sadie on a tour of a local college in hopes of convincing her to stay nearby after her impending high school graduation.
Don't go in there, idiot.
I told you.
Why would you do that?
- Si.
- What?
Why are you doing closed caption?
Why don't you turn the volume up?
Because I'm reading it.
It's better that way.
Nobody reads any more.
What?! You're not
supposed to read television.
But this is Murder She Wrote.
Get it? Wrote.
Okay, you have to
read what is written.
How long are you
going to stay over here?
- Why? Am I bothering you?
- Yes, you're bothering me.
Well, hey, go in your
bedroom or somewhere.
- Go in another room.
- It's my house!
What does that
got to do with it?
Why don't you watch
this at your own house?
I don't get this channel.
Besides, I hadn't got
that fancy little black box.
Can I just buy you the box?
No, because, hey, if I had all
these channels at my home,
I'd never leave the house.
That would be a good thing.
You need to stay home more.
No. I have to get out
every once in awhile.
- Somebody's getting married?
- Oh, shoot. Okay, wait.
- What is it?
- Wrong song.
I'm trying to read the TV
here and focus on my show.
- Don't they look cute?
- They do.
We graduate tomorrow!
Our parents have this huge party
planned for us, and we're super excited.
I'm so excited!
So when are we
going to ULM, Sadie?
Let me give you a little tour, show
you around the business school.
Show you were I used
to hang out... and learn.
At least go look.
It's exciting, but then again
it's like, wow, this is, like, real.
- And it's kind of hitting me.
- I don't wanna be an adult yet.
- No.
- Pay for things myself.
No.
Just hold on as
long as we can, Cole.
Didn't you go to college
for, like, PE education?
Yeah.
You wasted your money
and got a degree in PE?
- Si, it's a good degree.
- What? Recess?
You learn about the physical
body and how to stay healthy...
I know, you go outside and play.
Ring the bell! Let’s
go have recess!
My plans are kind
of up in the air.
It's so hard to narrow it down
because this is our future.
How are you supposed to decide
that whenever you're 18 and...
stupid, you know? Like...
All I'm asking, is one
tour with your dad.
Hold on... She's fixin'
to say who done it.
Si, we're having a conversation.
Sadie, just do it for your dad.
Then you can make your decision.
Then after that, no
pressure. Right, Willie?
- It's the doctor! I knew it!
- Si!
I will go on the tour, if Si
goes on the tour with us.
Sadie, this wasn't
a negotiation.
Here's the deal, let me
finish reading this season,
then me, Sadie and
you will go to ULM, okay,
and then you're going
to sign up for two classes:
One for hospitality.
And the other one
for TV etiquette, okay?
Cause you need work
on both of them, nephew.
Now...
- What a deal.
- What the...
That's the problem with kids today,
they don't read enough television.
The ULM stadium. Is
this awesome or what?
It's great. But why are
we on the football field?
Well, I wanted this
to be big and exciting.
I mean, if you're going
to go to school here,
you need to get the feel of
the field. Look at this, huh?
Let's just picture it.
Close your eyes, picture the
stadium full of people screaming.
Dad, I've been to a ULM game.
Picture it, Sadie. Picture yourself
sitting there in the student section,
crowd's going crazy...
- Touchdown!
- Si.
What? It was a great play.
Sixty-five yard pass, touchdown.
Okay. Sadie, just
picture... There he is.
- Hi. Yes.
- You must be Sadie.
I'm Dr. Joshua Stockley.
Sadie, this is the big dean
of the business school.
Actually, I'm an associate
professor of political science.
You're not the dean?
You know, the dean got a little
busy, so he sent the next best thing.
I thought the dean was coming.
Awkward.
I have arranged a big tour of
ULM to persuade Sadie that this is
the best place for her
to be after high school.
So, if you'll turn your
attention to jumbotron,
I've got a "Welcome to
ULM" video made by...
Actually, I just told
Jep to do it, so...
I'm pulling out all the
stops to convince Sadie,
but there's no doubt in my
mind that after seeing this video,
she'll be donning maroon and gold,
and cheering on those ULM Warhawks.
All right, here we go.
Ready to go.
- Any second.
- Any second, boys.
- I don't think this is working.
- Come on, man.
Hey, Dad, you can
just send it to my phone.
- I think that'd be easier.
- No, no, no, no.
Unfortunately, the video is much
less impressive when it doesn't play.
And every second that ticks by, all
I can hear is, "Gap year, gap year."
- ULM Business School...
- All right, here we go.
- Today, tomorrow...
- Sadie, you're gonna love this.
With famous alumni, like
Willie Robertson and etc.
ULM Business School,
taking you from the classroom...
- Oh, no. Oh, no.
- Sadie, there you are.
- To the moon!
- No, dad.
From ULM to the White
House, to the moon, Sadie.
Jep did not write all that
stuff. That was awesome, huh?
- Dad, that was...
- How about that, Sadie?
Pretty good, but...
I don't think business
is really my thing.
Like, it's not really what
I'm thinking long term.
I didn't think I was going
to be in business either.
- That's why I got a PE degree.
- What else you got here?
- You got horri-culture, birdology?
- Ornithology.
- What about acting?
- Acting!
- We do have theatre and drama classes.
- Si!
We could do it together
and be in scenes together.
There it is.
Okay, ya'll are not
going to school together.
- Hey, I may sign up for it.
- Si, we're not out here for you.
Okay, yeah. All right, I get it.
But, hey, if that
gets you out here,
we'll go look at a
couple theatre classes.
- Oh, my gosh. Yes.
- All right, partner. Let's go.
- This is gonna be so fun.
- It is.
Hang on, wait for me.
In acting, you can be
whatever you want to be.
The next thing you know,
you're in Murder She Wrote,
- and everybody's reading it.
- Si, this is not for you.
Miss Kay, it's nice having
you around after 50 years.
Well, it's nice
having you around.
I thought one day, you
wasn't ever gonna come home.
Now I noticed you got your ponytail
like you had it when you were 16.
Always remember this,
to me, you're still 16.
Thank you. You're still always gonna
be the 18-year-old I remember, too.
All right, we brought
you all a surprise.
- Surprise!
- Where'd you come from?!
We just got home
from college in Virginia
to surprise Sadie and Cole
for their graduation party.
But we realized there's only
one thing better than a surprise.
Two surprises.
So when's the last time you
had a home-cooked meal?
Maybe the last
time we were here.
Virginia's great, but
there's nothing like home.
- I mean, we are so excited to be home.
- So excited.
We did not realize how much
we would miss everyone and...
- No.
- Everything down here.
We gotta put a little meat
on their bones, don't we?
That boy looks like he come out
of a prisoner of war camp there.
But he's like the marines.
He's lean and mean.
- But he's really nice.
- Mmm...
But he can be
mean if he wants to.
So, when you do eat,
what is it that you eat?
Well, I mean we eat a
lot of salad and kale...
- What?
- You know, kale salads.
- Kale?
- Kale. Lots of kale, tomatoes...
- What?
- Capris...
- Really?
- Salad with ranch, kale and smoothies.
I actually eat pretty good.
Well, we could tell by looking at
you that you really been eating well.
Well, me and Kate's
gluten-free, so...
- Gluten what?
- Gluten-free.
- Gluten-free?
- Mm-hm.
All right, here's the deal.
We're going squirrel hunting,
they needed a place to hide out.
Well, we can hide 'em in the
woods on the squirrel hunt.
Get 'em in the woods. Who's
gonna find us down in there?
Well, I think they were
just wanting to hang out.
You been doing any squirrel
hunting up there in college?
- I haven't.
- I killed more squirrels, ducks,
caught more fish while I attended
college than at any other time...
That's why he
went an extra year.
So, let's get him some
camouflage clothes on, Jase.
All right, ya'll are in.
One thing I know for sure, squirrels,
trust me, they are gluten free.
Awesome.
All right, I guess it's
a group squirrel hunt.
You're going back to
your roots, John Luke.
Okay.
Boom.
Oh, yeah. Boo-yah.
Welcome to acting class.
So everyone, just
spread out a little bit,
and we're gonna lunge
to your right, here we go.
And look over the
hand, like warrior pose.
Very good. Let's go the other
side now. Get a deep lunge.
- Hey, you gotta give me some room, son.
- Doesn't that feel great?
You can actually go down a
little bit further here, like a twist.
- Going back to the '60s.
- Please join us, sir.
I stretched out
this... I'm good, man.
No observers allowed,
only participants.
Only participants.
If I can't convince Sadie
to study business at ULM,
I'm willing to try to convince her
to stay at ULM and study anything.
And if that means sitting
in on an acting class,
well, lights, camera, and
let’s get this crap over with.
- A little shoulder shrugging here.
- What is this for?
Here we go, Frankenstein.
What the heck is...
We're gonna go into the
chair position, like in yoga.
- Like a children's class.
- Come on, sir. Please join in.
- You're liable to learn something.
- From doing exercises?
- Yeah.
- Sir, please join us.
- I'm a PE major, I'm good.
- Join in.
I'm good. We're fixin' to leave.
Although I wouldn't
exactly call this a "class."
It's more like a
daycare for grownups.
So we're gonna say, "red
leather, yellow leather."
So one at a time, please.
Red leather, yellow leather.
Very good, very good.
- Red leather, yellow leather.
- All right, excellent.
- Red yeller leath...
Red leather... No.
Shut up.
I can't believe they
actually give college credit
for a grownup
version of Simon Says.
I wouldn't be surprised,
if after all this warming up,
we spend the rest of the
class playing in a sand box.
Now, in embody an animal
and perform that for us, okay.
I'm gonna do a seahorse.
That's my spirit animal.
- That's a weird spirit animal.
- Yeah.
I think I'm gonna
be a butterfly.
And... create!
Become the animal.
Embody the animal.
Si, seahorses don't make noises.
We don't need nothing from
the peanut gallery down there.
I'm just saying, they're under
water, they don't make noises.
Seahorse don't have guns.
Hey, yeah, they do, if
he's a cowboy seahorse.
Fantastic. Well done.
All right, guys, we gotta go
for realsies. We gotta tour.
But we're just about to do
a scene from Shakespeare.
- Oh, that would be awesome.
- Sadie. You ready?
Let's stay for this, it'll
be fun. You can do it, too.
We'll have you do a
scene from King Lear.
I thought we was
gonna do Shakespeare.
John Luke, don't
ever tell anybody
that I'm the one
that gave you this.
Somewhere along the line, some
long-legged chick name Victoria,
it's her secret. The secret is, this
scares away blood sucking gnats.
They pawned it under
perfume to attract people,
but it will do you no
good for your love life.
The best way to do it, put it on the
back of your hand... and do like that.
That way you keep it
from spraying in your eyes.
Phew! Man.
That's not that bad.
Don't tell no body I
ever gave you that.
All right, one squirt.
How about that?
Under the arm pits,
always a good idea.
I think we got the mosquitoes
and the no-see-um under control.
You all ready to go?
Let's all head off
into that direction.
- All right.
- Jase, you and an old Jep,
ya'll head up that
hill right there.
- Don't shoot me, shoot that way.
- All right.
- Be as quiet as you can, Mary Kate.
- Okay.
This is actually Mary Kate's
first time squirrel hunting.
It's kind of a rite of
passage for a Robertson.
Yeah, I mean, I think squirrels are
kind of cute, so I'm a little bit nervous.
You may get your
first squirrel right here.
He's just sitting
there, right in the fork.
- Mm-hm, I see him.
- Now take your thing and pull it up.
All right, now push it down.
Now take it back off safety.
- Okay.
- Take it off safety.
- Um...
- Take it off safety.
My first time squirrel hunting was
right after I saw the movie Ice Age.
- I love that movie!
- With the little squirrel thing?
- Yes, he's my favorite.
- Yeah.
It was traumatizing
killing a squirrel after that.
I bet.
Take your time.
Oh!
- Did I get him?
- You shot over him.
Put another bullet in your gun.
Aim a little lower. Shoot him.
- I got him.
- Good job, babe.
Well, you squirrel killer, you.
A few more and we've got supper.
Tea? Or not to tea?
That is the question.
Okay, we're going to do a
scene now, from King Lear.
Would you please perform
Cordelia for us, Sadie.
- Yeah.
- And Si, you'll be King Lear.
All right, we need one more actor,
Willie would you join us, please?
We've actually gotta go.
Okay, if you do this, then I'll go
do whatever you want me to do.
Okay.
Sadie asked me to join
in and perform a scene.
I might now be an actor, but
after watching every one warm up...
Red leather, yellow leather.
There can't be that much to it.
This is a key scene in King Lear, so
please come up and join the scene.
And if performing a classic
play can convince Sadie
that ULM is the place for her,
bring me my wig, tights
and stage make-up.
Nothing will come...
My lady, speaketh to
thy king through thy heart.
- Si.
- My knight, go south, my steed.
I feel like a ride
through my kingdom.
And look, while you're out,
go ahead and get me some tea
and something
to eat, I'm hungry.
Si, you're not even reading
the line. That's not even in here.
It's called improv, son.
Si, are you sure you
don't want a script?
- No, I'd rather improv.
- Okay. It's a masterpiece...
I know, but, hey, masterpieces
can be improved through improv.
I'm not saying I'm some expert
actor, like Sir Lawrence Olivier,
or Sir Gourmet Weaver.
Hey, but I'm holding my
own up there on the stage.
"I'm happy that I am. I cannot
heave my heart into my mouth."
"How, how, Cordelia..."
- My child, what art thou unhappy?
- Si, that's not the line?
Sure it is. If she's unhappy,
the king would be devastated.
Look, I don't need to follow the
script. Improv is short for improve.
And look, everything I
say, I improve the scene.
How, how Cord...
Hey, shut thou
mouth, thy portly jester.
- Very good, very good.
- Let's just stick to the script.
If Shakespeare's so great, how come
nothing he ever wrote makes any sense?
Nobody knoweth what
he's trying to sayeth.
"Let it be so, thy truth
then be thy dower."
- And scene.
- Very nice.
Dower? What in
the world is that?
I have no idea what a dower is.
Why would you say it then?
- It's in the script!
- Hey, you're double...
You're saying stuff you don't
even know what you're saying.
So, how'd we do?
- Great, great. Great job.
- All right, thank you so much.
- I appreciate it, man.
- Oh, you're very welcome.
Ya'll ready to roll?
Dad, I'm actually
really interested in this.
I had a lot of fun today.
You know what, stay here,
get a degree, do a little theatre...
She's fixin' to leave the nest,
buddy, whether you like it or not.
If you're going to eat a rodent,
you need to eat a squirrel.
Well now, kids, now
we get to the fun part.
Yeah, this is the
fun part all right.
You can tell a lot about a man and
woman on how they clean their game.
This is marriage building 101.
A couple who skins together,
stays together. Don't forget that.
- Hold those legs there, John Luke.
- Got it.
- Starting in here...
- Ew.
- You wanna hold him?
- No.
Okay.
This is something I definitely think
we'll make when we go back to college.
- Right?
- Nope.
- No?
- No.
See right here, put
your foot right there.
- Uh-oh.
- What?
You just pulled him in half.
Doesn't this make you
want you eat good squirrel?
Mm-hm.
My squirrel killing
days are done.
- I'll kill them.
- I'm not gonna clean them.
I'm done with that, too.
Mare Kate, step on his tail.
All right, come on up with
him. There you are. Come on.
Get rough with him.
You just about got him.
I'm scared it's gonna
come up in my face.
Ah, you'll gag a couple
times, then you'll be all right.
This is why we come
home. For this kind of food.
Hmm.
There's your nice
squirrel meat, ready to go.
Wow. That's disgusting.
All right, we gotta
get ready for the party.
We will see ya'll there.
You might wanna take you a
shower before you show up.
Between the perfume
and the squirrel guts...
People who kill squirrels
together, stay together.
Now it just looks
kinda like chicken.
Do you know what you
call what you just did?
- Nope, what do you call it?
- You call it supper.
- Hmm.
- Supper.
Bring 'em inside, and we'll have
some good squirrel and dumplings.
- Okay.
- The yuppies are learning.
Miss Kay learned this
from her grandmother.
- I did.
- Aww.
Fifty years ago. She's been
making them ever since.
Now she's teaching you.
Now, I wanna tell you,
it's gonna get messy.
But, of course, a good cook
doesn't care if it's messy.
Mm-hm.
Phil wants me to let
Mary Kate and John Luke
cook these squirrel
dumplings all by themselves.
But I think that shipped sailed
when they started eating like rabbits.
I'm kinda making a big
ol' mess but who cares.
Now don't do too
much, Kay, let them do it.
This is really fun. Just scrape
those fingers right through it.
- Let them do it.
- Take the buttermilk, shake, shake.
You always shake the
buttermilk. You have to shake it.
- Let her do it.
- Well, let me just show her one.
They're young, don't
crowd 'em too much.
No matter who's doing the cooking, I
just hope John Luke eats a bunch of it.
He looks like Tom Hanks
in that movie Cast Away.
Sift it into the bowl the best you
can. It doesn't matter if it falls out.
What she's saying is,
speed it up a little bit, honey.
- I didn't say that.
- Work the bottom. Work the bottom.
- Work the bottom. Work the bottom.
- Hey.
- Just throwing a little advice.
- Bring in the sifter.
- Spread it evenly. Evenly.
- Phil...
There you are.
It's too bad they didn't have
squirrel and dumplings on that island
instead of that
stupid volleyball.
- I think it's ready.
- I'll be ya'll taste tester.
- I will be the server.
- Not too much.
Like you're not going to
like my food. Are you crazy?
No, this is Mary
Kate's doing, honey.
I think you'll like it. I mean, I
was supervised by Memaw Kay.
So let's see what you
got here, Mary Kate.
- Yay!
- Very good.
I put a lot in here because
you need a lot to eat.
He needs to double
up on that gluten.
Oh, Mary Kate, you can't eat it.
Nope.
In fact, there's enough gluten in
this to blow the roof off the joint.
Sadie Robertson. Cole Robertson.
The class of 2016.
How you doing?
I think I'm gonna have to
push harder on this ULM thing.
- Willie?
- She's just not getting it.
Okay. I don't think
this is about ULM.
You just don't want her
to leave home, do you?
It's a great school.
And it happens to be ten
minutes from our house.
Well, I'm not a big planner
guy so I try not to lay out
what someone else should do.
I feel like they got to
walk that road, so uh...
- I've always...
- Are you kidding?
You've been pushing for her
to go to ULM this whole time.
I just want her to
have the option to go.
- It wasn't this hard with John Luke.
- He's a boy.
It's hard to let
your little girl go.
Maybe I'll try
reverse psychology.
I'll say I don't care. You can
do whatever you wanna do.
Okay.
Well, there's a bunch of reasons
why I would like her to stay
here, because you know,
I could just keep giving her
advice and keeping an eye on her...
If she's dating, I can be right
there, no matter who it is...
- Oh, my.
- And where it is at all times.
Sadie has a good head on her
shoulders. We are not worried about her.
Where ever she goes,
she's gonna do great.
We have one little
surprise. Look this way.
The anticipation is mounting.
It'll be interesting to see
what Sadie decides to do.
- I'm not worried. She'll figure it out.
- Yup.
- We're glad everyone's here.
- It's just great to have
all of our family and
friends around to celebrate.
I'm so happy and I'm so proud
of Cole and the man he's become.
And just the
character that he has.
We love you and
we're proud of you.
Sadie teaches me things,
she takes care of her
friends and her family,
and watches out for everybody
and she loves God with all her heart.
- Proud of you.
- Aw, thank you, Mama.
So, Sadie, you've
been a true joy,
and while we will surely miss you
when move on to different things,
we can't wait to see
what you're going to do.
So keep doing that. Love you.
Aw, I love you. Thank you.
Father, I thank you
for these grandkids.
I pray Father you bless
'em in everything they do.
And may they set their sights
high. In the name of Jesus, I pray.
- Amen.
- Amen.
All right, boys, let's
get in on this crawfish.
All right.
Being a parent is one
of the most challenging,
yet rewarding jobs
a person can have.
The hardest part is accepting
that fact that one day,
you'll have to let them go.
While part of our job is to
encourage them to follow their dreams,
sometimes it's easy to mistake
their dreams for your own.
I guess the lesson for parents here is,
rather than focusing on what you want
your children to do
when they grow up,
focus on the person you
want them to become.
You think Phil'll let
us keep the perfume?
I kind of like it.
On me or on you?
I told you.
Why would you do that?
- Si.
- What?
Why are you doing closed caption?
Why don't you turn the volume up?
Because I'm reading it.
It's better that way.
Nobody reads any more.
What?! You're not
supposed to read television.
But this is Murder She Wrote.
Get it? Wrote.
Okay, you have to
read what is written.
How long are you
going to stay over here?
- Why? Am I bothering you?
- Yes, you're bothering me.
Well, hey, go in your
bedroom or somewhere.
- Go in another room.
- It's my house!
What does that
got to do with it?
Why don't you watch
this at your own house?
I don't get this channel.
Besides, I hadn't got
that fancy little black box.
Can I just buy you the box?
No, because, hey, if I had all
these channels at my home,
I'd never leave the house.
That would be a good thing.
You need to stay home more.
No. I have to get out
every once in awhile.
- Somebody's getting married?
- Oh, shoot. Okay, wait.
- What is it?
- Wrong song.
I'm trying to read the TV
here and focus on my show.
- Don't they look cute?
- They do.
We graduate tomorrow!
Our parents have this huge party
planned for us, and we're super excited.
I'm so excited!
So when are we
going to ULM, Sadie?
Let me give you a little tour, show
you around the business school.
Show you were I used
to hang out... and learn.
At least go look.
It's exciting, but then again
it's like, wow, this is, like, real.
- And it's kind of hitting me.
- I don't wanna be an adult yet.
- No.
- Pay for things myself.
No.
Just hold on as
long as we can, Cole.
Didn't you go to college
for, like, PE education?
Yeah.
You wasted your money
and got a degree in PE?
- Si, it's a good degree.
- What? Recess?
You learn about the physical
body and how to stay healthy...
I know, you go outside and play.
Ring the bell! Let’s
go have recess!
My plans are kind
of up in the air.
It's so hard to narrow it down
because this is our future.
How are you supposed to decide
that whenever you're 18 and...
stupid, you know? Like...
All I'm asking, is one
tour with your dad.
Hold on... She's fixin'
to say who done it.
Si, we're having a conversation.
Sadie, just do it for your dad.
Then you can make your decision.
Then after that, no
pressure. Right, Willie?
- It's the doctor! I knew it!
- Si!
I will go on the tour, if Si
goes on the tour with us.
Sadie, this wasn't
a negotiation.
Here's the deal, let me
finish reading this season,
then me, Sadie and
you will go to ULM, okay,
and then you're going
to sign up for two classes:
One for hospitality.
And the other one
for TV etiquette, okay?
Cause you need work
on both of them, nephew.
Now...
- What a deal.
- What the...
That's the problem with kids today,
they don't read enough television.
The ULM stadium. Is
this awesome or what?
It's great. But why are
we on the football field?
Well, I wanted this
to be big and exciting.
I mean, if you're going
to go to school here,
you need to get the feel of
the field. Look at this, huh?
Let's just picture it.
Close your eyes, picture the
stadium full of people screaming.
Dad, I've been to a ULM game.
Picture it, Sadie. Picture yourself
sitting there in the student section,
crowd's going crazy...
- Touchdown!
- Si.
What? It was a great play.
Sixty-five yard pass, touchdown.
Okay. Sadie, just
picture... There he is.
- Hi. Yes.
- You must be Sadie.
I'm Dr. Joshua Stockley.
Sadie, this is the big dean
of the business school.
Actually, I'm an associate
professor of political science.
You're not the dean?
You know, the dean got a little
busy, so he sent the next best thing.
I thought the dean was coming.
Awkward.
I have arranged a big tour of
ULM to persuade Sadie that this is
the best place for her
to be after high school.
So, if you'll turn your
attention to jumbotron,
I've got a "Welcome to
ULM" video made by...
Actually, I just told
Jep to do it, so...
I'm pulling out all the
stops to convince Sadie,
but there's no doubt in my
mind that after seeing this video,
she'll be donning maroon and gold,
and cheering on those ULM Warhawks.
All right, here we go.
Ready to go.
- Any second.
- Any second, boys.
- I don't think this is working.
- Come on, man.
Hey, Dad, you can
just send it to my phone.
- I think that'd be easier.
- No, no, no, no.
Unfortunately, the video is much
less impressive when it doesn't play.
And every second that ticks by, all
I can hear is, "Gap year, gap year."
- ULM Business School...
- All right, here we go.
- Today, tomorrow...
- Sadie, you're gonna love this.
With famous alumni, like
Willie Robertson and etc.
ULM Business School,
taking you from the classroom...
- Oh, no. Oh, no.
- Sadie, there you are.
- To the moon!
- No, dad.
From ULM to the White
House, to the moon, Sadie.
Jep did not write all that
stuff. That was awesome, huh?
- Dad, that was...
- How about that, Sadie?
Pretty good, but...
I don't think business
is really my thing.
Like, it's not really what
I'm thinking long term.
I didn't think I was going
to be in business either.
- That's why I got a PE degree.
- What else you got here?
- You got horri-culture, birdology?
- Ornithology.
- What about acting?
- Acting!
- We do have theatre and drama classes.
- Si!
We could do it together
and be in scenes together.
There it is.
Okay, ya'll are not
going to school together.
- Hey, I may sign up for it.
- Si, we're not out here for you.
Okay, yeah. All right, I get it.
But, hey, if that
gets you out here,
we'll go look at a
couple theatre classes.
- Oh, my gosh. Yes.
- All right, partner. Let's go.
- This is gonna be so fun.
- It is.
Hang on, wait for me.
In acting, you can be
whatever you want to be.
The next thing you know,
you're in Murder She Wrote,
- and everybody's reading it.
- Si, this is not for you.
Miss Kay, it's nice having
you around after 50 years.
Well, it's nice
having you around.
I thought one day, you
wasn't ever gonna come home.
Now I noticed you got your ponytail
like you had it when you were 16.
Always remember this,
to me, you're still 16.
Thank you. You're still always gonna
be the 18-year-old I remember, too.
All right, we brought
you all a surprise.
- Surprise!
- Where'd you come from?!
We just got home
from college in Virginia
to surprise Sadie and Cole
for their graduation party.
But we realized there's only
one thing better than a surprise.
Two surprises.
So when's the last time you
had a home-cooked meal?
Maybe the last
time we were here.
Virginia's great, but
there's nothing like home.
- I mean, we are so excited to be home.
- So excited.
We did not realize how much
we would miss everyone and...
- No.
- Everything down here.
We gotta put a little meat
on their bones, don't we?
That boy looks like he come out
of a prisoner of war camp there.
But he's like the marines.
He's lean and mean.
- But he's really nice.
- Mmm...
But he can be
mean if he wants to.
So, when you do eat,
what is it that you eat?
Well, I mean we eat a
lot of salad and kale...
- What?
- You know, kale salads.
- Kale?
- Kale. Lots of kale, tomatoes...
- What?
- Capris...
- Really?
- Salad with ranch, kale and smoothies.
I actually eat pretty good.
Well, we could tell by looking at
you that you really been eating well.
Well, me and Kate's
gluten-free, so...
- Gluten what?
- Gluten-free.
- Gluten-free?
- Mm-hm.
All right, here's the deal.
We're going squirrel hunting,
they needed a place to hide out.
Well, we can hide 'em in the
woods on the squirrel hunt.
Get 'em in the woods. Who's
gonna find us down in there?
Well, I think they were
just wanting to hang out.
You been doing any squirrel
hunting up there in college?
- I haven't.
- I killed more squirrels, ducks,
caught more fish while I attended
college than at any other time...
That's why he
went an extra year.
So, let's get him some
camouflage clothes on, Jase.
All right, ya'll are in.
One thing I know for sure, squirrels,
trust me, they are gluten free.
Awesome.
All right, I guess it's
a group squirrel hunt.
You're going back to
your roots, John Luke.
Okay.
Boom.
Oh, yeah. Boo-yah.
Welcome to acting class.
So everyone, just
spread out a little bit,
and we're gonna lunge
to your right, here we go.
And look over the
hand, like warrior pose.
Very good. Let's go the other
side now. Get a deep lunge.
- Hey, you gotta give me some room, son.
- Doesn't that feel great?
You can actually go down a
little bit further here, like a twist.
- Going back to the '60s.
- Please join us, sir.
I stretched out
this... I'm good, man.
No observers allowed,
only participants.
Only participants.
If I can't convince Sadie
to study business at ULM,
I'm willing to try to convince her
to stay at ULM and study anything.
And if that means sitting
in on an acting class,
well, lights, camera, and
let’s get this crap over with.
- A little shoulder shrugging here.
- What is this for?
Here we go, Frankenstein.
What the heck is...
We're gonna go into the
chair position, like in yoga.
- Like a children's class.
- Come on, sir. Please join in.
- You're liable to learn something.
- From doing exercises?
- Yeah.
- Sir, please join us.
- I'm a PE major, I'm good.
- Join in.
I'm good. We're fixin' to leave.
Although I wouldn't
exactly call this a "class."
It's more like a
daycare for grownups.
So we're gonna say, "red
leather, yellow leather."
So one at a time, please.
Red leather, yellow leather.
Very good, very good.
- Red leather, yellow leather.
- All right, excellent.
- Red yeller leath...
Red leather... No.
Shut up.
I can't believe they
actually give college credit
for a grownup
version of Simon Says.
I wouldn't be surprised,
if after all this warming up,
we spend the rest of the
class playing in a sand box.
Now, in embody an animal
and perform that for us, okay.
I'm gonna do a seahorse.
That's my spirit animal.
- That's a weird spirit animal.
- Yeah.
I think I'm gonna
be a butterfly.
And... create!
Become the animal.
Embody the animal.
Si, seahorses don't make noises.
We don't need nothing from
the peanut gallery down there.
I'm just saying, they're under
water, they don't make noises.
Seahorse don't have guns.
Hey, yeah, they do, if
he's a cowboy seahorse.
Fantastic. Well done.
All right, guys, we gotta go
for realsies. We gotta tour.
But we're just about to do
a scene from Shakespeare.
- Oh, that would be awesome.
- Sadie. You ready?
Let's stay for this, it'll
be fun. You can do it, too.
We'll have you do a
scene from King Lear.
I thought we was
gonna do Shakespeare.
John Luke, don't
ever tell anybody
that I'm the one
that gave you this.
Somewhere along the line, some
long-legged chick name Victoria,
it's her secret. The secret is, this
scares away blood sucking gnats.
They pawned it under
perfume to attract people,
but it will do you no
good for your love life.
The best way to do it, put it on the
back of your hand... and do like that.
That way you keep it
from spraying in your eyes.
Phew! Man.
That's not that bad.
Don't tell no body I
ever gave you that.
All right, one squirt.
How about that?
Under the arm pits,
always a good idea.
I think we got the mosquitoes
and the no-see-um under control.
You all ready to go?
Let's all head off
into that direction.
- All right.
- Jase, you and an old Jep,
ya'll head up that
hill right there.
- Don't shoot me, shoot that way.
- All right.
- Be as quiet as you can, Mary Kate.
- Okay.
This is actually Mary Kate's
first time squirrel hunting.
It's kind of a rite of
passage for a Robertson.
Yeah, I mean, I think squirrels are
kind of cute, so I'm a little bit nervous.
You may get your
first squirrel right here.
He's just sitting
there, right in the fork.
- Mm-hm, I see him.
- Now take your thing and pull it up.
All right, now push it down.
Now take it back off safety.
- Okay.
- Take it off safety.
- Um...
- Take it off safety.
My first time squirrel hunting was
right after I saw the movie Ice Age.
- I love that movie!
- With the little squirrel thing?
- Yes, he's my favorite.
- Yeah.
It was traumatizing
killing a squirrel after that.
I bet.
Take your time.
Oh!
- Did I get him?
- You shot over him.
Put another bullet in your gun.
Aim a little lower. Shoot him.
- I got him.
- Good job, babe.
Well, you squirrel killer, you.
A few more and we've got supper.
Tea? Or not to tea?
That is the question.
Okay, we're going to do a
scene now, from King Lear.
Would you please perform
Cordelia for us, Sadie.
- Yeah.
- And Si, you'll be King Lear.
All right, we need one more actor,
Willie would you join us, please?
We've actually gotta go.
Okay, if you do this, then I'll go
do whatever you want me to do.
Okay.
Sadie asked me to join
in and perform a scene.
I might now be an actor, but
after watching every one warm up...
Red leather, yellow leather.
There can't be that much to it.
This is a key scene in King Lear, so
please come up and join the scene.
And if performing a classic
play can convince Sadie
that ULM is the place for her,
bring me my wig, tights
and stage make-up.
Nothing will come...
My lady, speaketh to
thy king through thy heart.
- Si.
- My knight, go south, my steed.
I feel like a ride
through my kingdom.
And look, while you're out,
go ahead and get me some tea
and something
to eat, I'm hungry.
Si, you're not even reading
the line. That's not even in here.
It's called improv, son.
Si, are you sure you
don't want a script?
- No, I'd rather improv.
- Okay. It's a masterpiece...
I know, but, hey, masterpieces
can be improved through improv.
I'm not saying I'm some expert
actor, like Sir Lawrence Olivier,
or Sir Gourmet Weaver.
Hey, but I'm holding my
own up there on the stage.
"I'm happy that I am. I cannot
heave my heart into my mouth."
"How, how, Cordelia..."
- My child, what art thou unhappy?
- Si, that's not the line?
Sure it is. If she's unhappy,
the king would be devastated.
Look, I don't need to follow the
script. Improv is short for improve.
And look, everything I
say, I improve the scene.
How, how Cord...
Hey, shut thou
mouth, thy portly jester.
- Very good, very good.
- Let's just stick to the script.
If Shakespeare's so great, how come
nothing he ever wrote makes any sense?
Nobody knoweth what
he's trying to sayeth.
"Let it be so, thy truth
then be thy dower."
- And scene.
- Very nice.
Dower? What in
the world is that?
I have no idea what a dower is.
Why would you say it then?
- It's in the script!
- Hey, you're double...
You're saying stuff you don't
even know what you're saying.
So, how'd we do?
- Great, great. Great job.
- All right, thank you so much.
- I appreciate it, man.
- Oh, you're very welcome.
Ya'll ready to roll?
Dad, I'm actually
really interested in this.
I had a lot of fun today.
You know what, stay here,
get a degree, do a little theatre...
She's fixin' to leave the nest,
buddy, whether you like it or not.
If you're going to eat a rodent,
you need to eat a squirrel.
Well now, kids, now
we get to the fun part.
Yeah, this is the
fun part all right.
You can tell a lot about a man and
woman on how they clean their game.
This is marriage building 101.
A couple who skins together,
stays together. Don't forget that.
- Hold those legs there, John Luke.
- Got it.
- Starting in here...
- Ew.
- You wanna hold him?
- No.
Okay.
This is something I definitely think
we'll make when we go back to college.
- Right?
- Nope.
- No?
- No.
See right here, put
your foot right there.
- Uh-oh.
- What?
You just pulled him in half.
Doesn't this make you
want you eat good squirrel?
Mm-hm.
My squirrel killing
days are done.
- I'll kill them.
- I'm not gonna clean them.
I'm done with that, too.
Mare Kate, step on his tail.
All right, come on up with
him. There you are. Come on.
Get rough with him.
You just about got him.
I'm scared it's gonna
come up in my face.
Ah, you'll gag a couple
times, then you'll be all right.
This is why we come
home. For this kind of food.
Hmm.
There's your nice
squirrel meat, ready to go.
Wow. That's disgusting.
All right, we gotta
get ready for the party.
We will see ya'll there.
You might wanna take you a
shower before you show up.
Between the perfume
and the squirrel guts...
People who kill squirrels
together, stay together.
Now it just looks
kinda like chicken.
Do you know what you
call what you just did?
- Nope, what do you call it?
- You call it supper.
- Hmm.
- Supper.
Bring 'em inside, and we'll have
some good squirrel and dumplings.
- Okay.
- The yuppies are learning.
Miss Kay learned this
from her grandmother.
- I did.
- Aww.
Fifty years ago. She's been
making them ever since.
Now she's teaching you.
Now, I wanna tell you,
it's gonna get messy.
But, of course, a good cook
doesn't care if it's messy.
Mm-hm.
Phil wants me to let
Mary Kate and John Luke
cook these squirrel
dumplings all by themselves.
But I think that shipped sailed
when they started eating like rabbits.
I'm kinda making a big
ol' mess but who cares.
Now don't do too
much, Kay, let them do it.
This is really fun. Just scrape
those fingers right through it.
- Let them do it.
- Take the buttermilk, shake, shake.
You always shake the
buttermilk. You have to shake it.
- Let her do it.
- Well, let me just show her one.
They're young, don't
crowd 'em too much.
No matter who's doing the cooking, I
just hope John Luke eats a bunch of it.
He looks like Tom Hanks
in that movie Cast Away.
Sift it into the bowl the best you
can. It doesn't matter if it falls out.
What she's saying is,
speed it up a little bit, honey.
- I didn't say that.
- Work the bottom. Work the bottom.
- Work the bottom. Work the bottom.
- Hey.
- Just throwing a little advice.
- Bring in the sifter.
- Spread it evenly. Evenly.
- Phil...
There you are.
It's too bad they didn't have
squirrel and dumplings on that island
instead of that
stupid volleyball.
- I think it's ready.
- I'll be ya'll taste tester.
- I will be the server.
- Not too much.
Like you're not going to
like my food. Are you crazy?
No, this is Mary
Kate's doing, honey.
I think you'll like it. I mean, I
was supervised by Memaw Kay.
So let's see what you
got here, Mary Kate.
- Yay!
- Very good.
I put a lot in here because
you need a lot to eat.
He needs to double
up on that gluten.
Oh, Mary Kate, you can't eat it.
Nope.
In fact, there's enough gluten in
this to blow the roof off the joint.
Sadie Robertson. Cole Robertson.
The class of 2016.
How you doing?
I think I'm gonna have to
push harder on this ULM thing.
- Willie?
- She's just not getting it.
Okay. I don't think
this is about ULM.
You just don't want her
to leave home, do you?
It's a great school.
And it happens to be ten
minutes from our house.
Well, I'm not a big planner
guy so I try not to lay out
what someone else should do.
I feel like they got to
walk that road, so uh...
- I've always...
- Are you kidding?
You've been pushing for her
to go to ULM this whole time.
I just want her to
have the option to go.
- It wasn't this hard with John Luke.
- He's a boy.
It's hard to let
your little girl go.
Maybe I'll try
reverse psychology.
I'll say I don't care. You can
do whatever you wanna do.
Okay.
Well, there's a bunch of reasons
why I would like her to stay
here, because you know,
I could just keep giving her
advice and keeping an eye on her...
If she's dating, I can be right
there, no matter who it is...
- Oh, my.
- And where it is at all times.
Sadie has a good head on her
shoulders. We are not worried about her.
Where ever she goes,
she's gonna do great.
We have one little
surprise. Look this way.
The anticipation is mounting.
It'll be interesting to see
what Sadie decides to do.
- I'm not worried. She'll figure it out.
- Yup.
- We're glad everyone's here.
- It's just great to have
all of our family and
friends around to celebrate.
I'm so happy and I'm so proud
of Cole and the man he's become.
And just the
character that he has.
We love you and
we're proud of you.
Sadie teaches me things,
she takes care of her
friends and her family,
and watches out for everybody
and she loves God with all her heart.
- Proud of you.
- Aw, thank you, Mama.
So, Sadie, you've
been a true joy,
and while we will surely miss you
when move on to different things,
we can't wait to see
what you're going to do.
So keep doing that. Love you.
Aw, I love you. Thank you.
Father, I thank you
for these grandkids.
I pray Father you bless
'em in everything they do.
And may they set their sights
high. In the name of Jesus, I pray.
- Amen.
- Amen.
All right, boys, let's
get in on this crawfish.
All right.
Being a parent is one
of the most challenging,
yet rewarding jobs
a person can have.
The hardest part is accepting
that fact that one day,
you'll have to let them go.
While part of our job is to
encourage them to follow their dreams,
sometimes it's easy to mistake
their dreams for your own.
I guess the lesson for parents here is,
rather than focusing on what you want
your children to do
when they grow up,
focus on the person you
want them to become.
You think Phil'll let
us keep the perfume?
I kind of like it.
On me or on you?