Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 10, Episode 8 - Bingo Star - full transcript

It's muddy.

When you have cabin fever,
there's only one thing to do to fix it.

- Get extremely muddy!
- All right, we're here.

All right.

- Okay! Come on kids.
- Who's ready to get muddy?

- We're...
- Not me.

There.

What do you see?

- A giant field of...
- Snake infested mud.

I see fun.

Louisiana has been
hammered by rain.



Which makes everyone have to
stay indoors for long periods of time.

Fortunately for the family,

I have the best
cure for cabin fever.

This is going to be the most
fun that you've probably ever had.

I don't think so.

I've already have lots of fun.

It's a little embarrassing to
see members of my family

not jump up and down about
going and getting muddy.

When life gives you
mud, don't be a stick in it!

Welcome to Mud Bowl number one?

Three thousand.

- Or should it be number two?
- Three thousand. That sound's cooler.

- It looks like number two out here.
- Mud Bowl Two.

In order to participate,
you have to get muddy.



You have to be one with the mud.

- Yep.
- Ew.

- Think about Arnold in Predator.
- Mm-hm. Yep.

- Remember when he...
- Yeah, you're immune to...

- Cloaked himself in mud.
- That's awesome.

- That's not real.
- That's awesome.

- Why would I want to...
- All right, so what we've done...

is we have concocted
a redneck chariot.

Oh, it's awesome.

- Follow me.
- Let's do this.

Come along.

- Let's do it.
- Let's go play in the mud.

- Let's go, kids.
- Let's go.

All right, just
wait right there.

Good plan, babe.

You never get too old
to have fun in the mud.

This is fun!

Thank you for
driving me, Willie.

You're such a sweet son.

Mom, how long is this gonna
take? About 30 minutes?

Don't worry about
it, it's Bingo, man.

Mom, I'm worried about
it because I'm here.

Well you're going to
have to move anyway.

Mom, there's seats everywhere.

Somebody's joining us
and that's their lucky seat.

Well, these people
are into this, huh?

- These people do this every day.
- I know! It's a fun game.

It's a fun game?

- It's a child's game.
- Shh!

A lot of sons would
come up with excuses

if their mom asked them to
spend the day with them at bingo.

Not this son.

How does anybody
know what's going on?

Well, you just have to
pay attention, big boy.

I just couldn't think
of any excuses.

They say shake your balls?

Some say bingo is an
exciting game of chance.

I say there's little chance that
this will be in any way exciting.

Get up. Get out
of my seat, fat boy.

I told you somebody was coming.

Si, what are you doing here?

I'm fixing to smoke these
geezers in bingo, son.

Look at him! Look
at his big pack.

- Si, you're supposed to be at work.
- Get up! This is my lucky seat.

- Come on, hurry up! Hurry up!
- What does it matter?

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Shhh!

Get over here.

Si, what are you doing?

I'm getting your
bad juju off my seat.

Your whole life is bad juju.

Okay.

Wait a minute. You
can just ride with Si.

Shut up.

Mom, ride home with Si.

- No, I'm riding home with you.
- I'm leaving.

No, you're not. You
stay where you are.

Could he scoot down more?

He... I'm telling
you, he is bad luck.

How would you know I'm bad luck?

It's the first time
I've ever been here.

Hey. You're putting
out bad vibes.

I'm sitting here
because I brought Kay!

Hey! Are you Willie Robertson

- with Duck Commander?
- Hey, yeah I am! How are you?

- Nice to see you.
- Hey, it's going all right. I'm Lisa.

Nice to meet you,
Lisa. This is awesome.

- I'm not playing, I'm just...
- Well, you gonna have to do something.

You wanna get up there
and call some balls?

- I don't know...
- Anytime we get a celebrity

in the house, we let
'em get up there and call.

Last week we had the weather
man in here and he had a good time

- up there calling the balls.
- Oh really, wow.

- Yeah!
- Yeah. yeah that's awesome.

- Umm...
- Give him some encouragement,

people. Hey!

- Yeah.
- All right.

I'll be up here,
calling the balls.

Pronounce them clearly, too.

- Don't mess up!
- That's right.

- Si, shut up.
- That's my son. Willie.

I don't know, babe.

That doesn't look safe.

- I knew ya'll were gonna say that.
- Look at that.

Seatbelt!

Yeah, but what if it flips

and you're buckled in and
then your head is dragging?

Jess, don't be a Debbie
downer. Come on.

The most important part of mud
ball is you have to get muddy.

And this is the
best way to do it.

This is not cool?

Wow. If I was a kid and
I'd have saw this, I'd have...

I'd have thrown up
I'd been so happy.

- What?
- The loser of the mud bowl

has to ride on the throne

while all other members of
the winning team throw mud.

- At them.
- No!

Yes!

- I wanna see Jep get muddy first.
- This is the mud brigade.

- You ready?
- Let's go.

- All right, let's go.
- Hold on, babe.

- Oh gosh.
- Oh gosh.

Hold on, babe! I love you!

Whoo! Yeah!

I don't understand
the point of this.

Like, we're all going to get
muddy once we start playing.

Why does he have to
get you muddy before?

They have to do
something with some type

of engine in everything they do.

Oooh!

Whoo!

You can learn a lot
about life in the mud.

The world is a messy place.

Find a happy place, Rowdy!

If you're worried
about getting muddy,

you'll end up standing on the
sidelines watching life go by.

- Put your seatbelt on.
- Ew!

- Yeah!
- Another important principle:

It's better to be spraying

mud on people...

Oh my gosh!

You're sleeping on
the couch tonight!

Than riding in the seat
that's being sprayed.

- Now that we're all muddy.
- We're done!

- No.
- Oh, good grief.

- What?
- Oh yeah.

Time for a little mudball.

- Nah.
- Is that a thumbs down?

Okay. B-six.

It's B-six, I just said it.
Why do you need to see it?

B-six.

Make sure you pronounce the
B's and I's without slurring them.

Si, you can't even speak
the English language.

- I don't wanna hear it.
- Hey.

Just pronounce them correctly.
I got money riding on this.

Not too quick though
because I'm a little slower.

- What?
- Your mom said,

- "Hey, do it slowly!"
- Okay, G-sixty.

G-sixty. The G-spot. Plinko!

Okay.

Hey, Willie, the
first thing he does

is steal my lucky seat.

And now he's up there,
okay, calling the numbers

like it's some silly joke.

B-four-time!

- He's already messing it up!
- B-four... time.

Hey look! This is bingo! Okay.

This is serious!

I-twenty-four.

I'm not twenty-four.

I'm telling you, the
game's founder...

Hey, he's probably rolling
over in his grave right now.

Mom, what do you need?

Uh, fifty, fifty. Fifty.

G-fifty.

Thank you.

Look, I would go up
there and grab him

by the neck and throw him
out of the bingo hall, but look,

I don't wanna touch him because
his bad juju will probably rub off on me.

Uh oh.

Ready?

Your time is up. New caller!

Thank you, guys.
This was so fun.

It was great being here. Um...

Come on, new caller.

Okay. New caller.

Well, he tried, gang.

- New caller.
- That's my son. Willie.

I'm sorry.

- Welcome to Mud Bowl... Two.
- Three thousand.

There's only one rule.

You must get this
ball into your goal.

- Okay. Perfect.
- Let's do it.

You can use your
hands to pass the ball,

but in order to have a
goal, you must kick it.

- Okay.
- It has to come off your foot

- into the goal.
- Copy.

Let's do this.

You must kick the ball -

into the imaginary line
in between the ducks.

- All right. Awesome.
- All right?

- Yeah.
- Let's do it.

You can pass it
to your teammate -

You wanna make a
goal, you have to kick it.

- Awesome.
- Anybody know why?

- Because this is a football.
- I don't think we care.

You gotta use your feet.

- Let's go.
- All right.

Let's get this game
down so we can end it.

- You ready?
- We're ready.

Let's play some mud ball!

- Lyle! Lyle!
- Go Lyle!

What can we do?

Let's face it, I was right.

You could tell by the
looks on everyone's faces,

this is fun.

Kick it.

Right here, buddy!
Right here, buddy!

Mud therapy has truly
worked here today.

Cabin fever is but
a distant memory.

Yeah!

- Everyone's enjoying themselves.
- All right, we won.

Wait. Wait, we have
to keep playing?

- With the exception of Missy.
- Fan out.

That ain't happening. I just
don't care enough. Sorry.

But I'm pretty sure at some
point, hopefully before she dies,

she will learn to love the mud.

Break! Four to three.

Okay! Done!

- No, that's half time.
- No, that ain't no half time.

I'm out.

We lost Missy.

I thought I did a
good job up there.

No, you didn't.
You done terrible.

But isn't this fun!
Don't you love it?

I think I may come back
in just to watch all the time.

I know! Look at
all these numbers

and look, colors!

- Don't you love the colors?
- It's awesome.

And then you win and win
money. You like money, don't ya?

You're a big money man.

How much money
can you win doing this?

- G-fifty-four.
- Bingo!

You better check that
because he can't really see well.

Oh, it's good. Trust me.

And he can't add and
not good with letters.

Three-eleven,
seventeen, twenty-five,

fifty-one, fifty-four,
seventy-five, sixty-five.

That's one good bingo.

- That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.
- How much money did he win?

So you just won two
thousand dollars?

Yeah. Why... why do
you think I was here?

How many cards can
you play at one time?

How many you want?
Want another one?

I need a bunch. I need a bunch.

I'll be back.

I'm in the game, boys!

Watching Si win
gave me a great idea.

Namely, I won't be nearly as bored
if I have bingo winnings in my pocket.

Give me, like, two
hundred dollars’ worth.

There you go.

Hang on.

Hang on.

Simple economics
say the more you play,

the more I can win.

Hang on, bro.
Coming in hot, here.

You gonna be able to
keep up with all that?

For two thousand dollars I
can keep up with a lot of stuff.

Even if I gotta put
in a couple hundred

to win two grand, that's winning
eighteen hundred playing bingo.

Bingo!

- I'm pretty good at math.
- Okay.

And numbers.

That's like making
money while I sleep.

- O-sixty three.
- O-sixty three.

Okay.

Play your own game, ma'am.

- N-fifty-one.
- Hang on one second, bro.

Hey, don't repeat
the numbers for him.

- It just helps, 'cause it takes...
- No, it don't help.

Be quiet, you're
distracting everybody.

Everybody's been yelling
ever since I got here!

They gonna put you out!

- Somebody take him outta here.
- N-forty-one.

What'd he say? What was that?

Can you keep it down, please?

Why'd you even bring him, Kay?

This is my second way
to make my income, okay?

Look, when I yell "Bingo!"
I done it from one card.

That takes years of
practice, skill and technique.

N-thirty-five.

N-thirty-five seconds,
I'm gonna win.

What Willie's doing
here with all these cards

is a slap in the face
to the sport of bingo.

Look, it's not fair, number one.

All right. It's like,
com... I compare this

to an athlete using, okay,
performance enhancing drugs, IEDS.

Bingo!

Oh, good gracious.

This is the easiest
money I ever made!

That ain't no bingo!

And look, if it was up to me,

he'd be disqualified
first, okay,

and then he'd be
banned from bingo for life.

Bingo! Bingo! Bingo! Bingo!

Bingo!

- These numbers ain't been called!
- Oh lord!

- I hit the wrong...
- Why did you do that?

The ink spreads over like
three numbers. I didn't know.

He'd be like Pete
Rose, okay, of bingo,

but without the talent.

B-fifty-five.

- What's that noise?
- Hello.

No phones in the
building, Willie.

I'm playing bingo.

No, for real.

- Please take phone calls outside.
- Everybody's mad at me.

Get off!

Everybody's...
All right, let me go.

Let me go. They're all mad.
All right, I'll call you back.

You are embarrassing me.

Mom, all I'm doing
is hitting the numbers

like everybody else in here.

- One more person shushes me!
- Go wait in the car.

Play with your phone
or something like that.

Fine. I'm gonna come back -

without ya'll here. And
I'm gonna play these again.

- Bye!
- I'm coming back.

I'm taking my sheets.

That's my son, Willie.

Hurry up! We gotta
get to the mud bowl!

Knucklehead.

Subs have arrived!

Fast break.

Good.

Bryan, attack!

- Go, River!
- Go, River! Kick it!

- Here you go.
- Go, River!

You made a move, little elf.

That looks like fun.

- Y'all come join us!
- I'm in!

- All right, let's do it.
- Let's do it. We're in.

- Come on, Mom.
- Y'all got Willie and Korie,

so we got Sadie.

Ever since I was young,

people always told me,

"Hey Si, you've
got a face for radio."

Yet, no one has ever asked me to
be a professional sports announcer.

The world has been robbed

of the chance to hear
my dulcet voice until now.

The mud ball competitors are
a rugged and tenacious bunch.

They come in all
sizes and shapes,

but they have one
thing in common,

an immeasurable fortitude.

The native sons and
daughters were born

to slosh through
the mud and slush

of Louisiana's clay.

And today they embrace
what could be their final clash.

All right, folks, we're back

for the second half
of Mud Bowl Two.

- There's the kickoff, folks!
- Here.

Oh, this is gonna be a good one.

Yeah!

Uh oh.

- You're on my team?
- Get it! Get it!

- Back, back!
- Are you on my team?

It's a pass.

- Oh no.
- Back, back!

- Are you on my team?
- Good job, Rowdy!

Pass off again.

- Ah!
- Are you on my team?

All right, they've got the ball.

Who's on my team?

What? Nope. Interception.

Kick it!

Now I'm the
captain of this team.

Folks, we gotta look
at this one more time.

Willie has grabbed
the much smaller River,

trying to assert his dominance

and the kid slides
face first into the mud.

This is just a feeble
display of character

from this aging veteran.

Bingo!

He scores! It's a tie game!

Here's that goal again.
Okay, was it graceful? No!

He looked like a drunk walrus.

But hey, this is as
good as it will ever be!

Goal!

- Lucky kick.
- It's a tie.

- There's a flat break.
- Next goal wins.

All right, everybody's
getting a little tired looks like.

Fat boy looks like he's
about done in for the day.

- I can't see.
- Interception. Fingertip!

All right, it's
back! It's going!

Boom! What a kick!

In an instant, fortunes
can be won or lost.

With a fingertip interception,

the long bomb pass
and then a swift kick

off of a muddy right foot,

this game is come
to the climactic end.

The winners have nothing
left to do but celebrate,

and everyone is desperate
for a warm shower.

From all of us here,
to all of you at home,

thank you for joining
us from Mud Bowl Two.

I'm Si Robertson.

Good night, play
fairly, and stay clean.

- Dad!
- Bingo!

- Ew. Ew.
- Yeah. Y'all won so you get

to pick which member of our team

you would like to be
on the mud brigade.

Well...

I'd like to nominate
Willie Robertson!

I second that nomination.

Boss hog, come on.

Willie, you're in
the mud brigade.

What's the mud brigade?

Go! Go!

Here we go.

Willie's not gonna
fall off of that thing.

Today was an eventful day.

I went from being
dragged to bingo

to being dragged
through the mud.

The mud part was actually
way more enjoyable.

Ah!

The mud brigade sounds
a lot worse than it really is.

Other than the fact
that I'll be picking mud

out of my teeth and nostrils
and behind for the next few days,

it was actually kind of fun.

It got in my mouth!

My undies are wet and I'm tired.

They should adopt this
tradition in other sports.

Stop it.

Can you imagine Drew Brees being
dragged through the mud after a loss?

People would pay to see that.

Let's bow our heads.

Father, we thank you for
another day on planet Earth.

Father, thank you for this good
food you've blessed us with.

We thank you, father, for your
love, your goodness, your mercy.

I do pray, father, for
the Robertson clan.

I pray for my fellow
countrymen too, father.

In the name of
Jesus, I pray. Amen.

- Amen.
- All right boys, let's dig in.

Let's check it out.

Whether it's the most
competitive bingo hall in Louisiana,

or the filthy mud
fields of the Mud Bowl.

From time to time,
we all get dragged

into some activity
we're not interested in.

But if you're willing to set aside any
assumptions that you may have had,

you may just find yourself
having an unexpected good time.

There's nothing like
quality time with your family

to make you realize that you can
have fun doing just about anything.

- We should do two out of three.
- No, I'm out.