Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 10, Episode 5 - Wild Wild West Monroe - full transcript

We went up the
river, and those fish

had gotten on the ledge,
right at 90 degree turn.

We literally caught
a bass every cast.

That's about like when I caught
about... 40 in about ten seconds.

In a net?

Yeah, net.

That's not fishing.
That's illegal.

- Oh, no, that is fishing.
- No, that's illegal.

Well, I'll put it this way,
that's my kind of fishing.

You broke the law.

All right, here we go.
Hup, two, three, four...



What do you got in
the blanket there, son?

- Company halt.
- A prize right here.

- What is that?
- Dude, I've added to my arsenal.

- Check this out.
- That's my rifle.

No, this is mine.

That's Pa's old rifle
that he gave to me.

No, actually, Dad
said I could have it.

It's cool, isn't it?

My grandpa, who we called Pa,

was a man of very few words.

But some of those few
words he uttered were,

"Jase, this rifle is yours."

Pa said if I fixed
it, I could keep it.

I was the only one doing the
hunting, you weren't even born.



- But what's that matter?
- Oh, that matters!

If you're not on the
planet, you're disqualified.

Youngest brothers are
entitled to two things:

This is mine now.

Leftovers and hand-me-downs.

He passed it to his son,
my dad passed it to me.

No, he passed to
his son, which is me.

No, I'm his son.

Typical Jep, trying to mess
with a promise from the grave.

You're not doing
this to me again.

I mean, it's gonna be
kind of hard to prove that.

- That things needs some oil...
- I know where it came from.

Here you go.

You should worry about
where it's fixin' to go,

which is in my hands.

Fellas, one time I'd like to come
in and everybody'd be working.

- Do what?
- Work.

We gotta work.

Hey, that's worth 15 dollars
when you put it in a box.

- No, I think those are like 30.
- Those are more than that.

Oh, they more than that?
Well, hey, I'd give you 15 for it.

Jep, what are you
doing with my rifle?

That's actually mine.

- That's my rifle. Phil gave it to me.
- Jep said Phil gave it to him.

- He did.
- When?

He just gave it to me.

It is a family heirloom,
and I'm keeping it.

I think you should let an unbiased
party hold the gun. Here you go.

Let an unbiased
party hold that gun.

Now here's what we do,
we have a competition.

No... Why is everything
a competition?

I'm starting to feel that the
only reason that our family

has so many competitions,

is because nobody in the
duck call room wants to work.

Let's have a shooting
competition, between me and Jep.

Whoever wins, gets the rifle.

Why can't they compete about
how many duck calls they can make?

Or how many pies they could bring
me. You know, the important stuff.

Instead, it's like, let's see who
could eat the most marshmallows.

Hey, can ya'll edit
the last part out?

Because I don't want
to give them any ideas.

Especially about marshmallows.

All right, all right, guys! Nobody
is having a shooting competition.

- I need this order done, ASAP, okay.
- Fine.

We'll settle who gets the rifle
later. Put that gun up, it's distracting.

Si, do some work.

- That's work.
- All right, here's what we do.

We shoot skeet,
whoever wins gets the rifle.

- All right.
- Agreed?

Agreed.

And after that, we can
have a spelling competition.

I'm in for that.

Si, you can't even
spell competition.

Hey, my mom wanted
to say hi to everybody.

Hey!

Rebecca, every time...
She only speaks Chinese.

Well, you should've
learned some by now.

Hi!

Rebecca came here
as an exchange student,

she just never
went back to Taiwan.

We didn't officially adopt her,
but we are her American family.

It was for tax reasons.

Korie is my American mom.
And my dad passed away

when I was younger,
so Willie, he's really,

kind of like my
only father few-ger.

I knew I could not say that.

What are you saying?

We're going to
Taiwan in two days.

Oh, that's right. Ya'll
fixing to see each other.

So, I'm going to Taiwan because

I got engaged on
New Year's Eve last...

Was it last year?
Yeah, last year.

Oh, there's the
city. Look at that.

Okay, buh-bye. Oh, we're not...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

So, I'm bringing John Reed
to meet my family in Taiwan.

I'm kind of nervous, cause I
don't really know what to expect,

and there's a lot of tradition
I'm not really familiar with.

- So, I don't know what to do.
- Just wing it.

That's your
advice? Just wing it?

That's what I did for our wedding
and look how that turned out.

Yeah.

Bye.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- Aw, that was fun.
- That was awesome.

- Bye.
- Close it, Rebecca. Close it.

- Aw.
- Bye.

- She's excited about you all coming.
- Just close the computer.

Just close the computer.
What'd she say?

Basically, she said,

"I hope you're enjoying your preparing
for the engagement ceremony."

Engagement ceremony?

Yeah, like, in Taiwan
traditional wedding,

the family has to
approve first, basically.

Oh!

- So, it's like a task.
- Are ya'll prepared for that?

Uh...

Maybe we should like, practice.

Don't worry, we will help you.

Okay, thank you.

We like, "we are?" We...

We. Like, we.

You have to be here,
we're practicing on you.

Suck it up, buttercup. You signed
up for that when you became a father.

Oh!

All right, ladies and gentlemen.

- Si.
- What?

- There are no ladies here.
- Okay.

Redneck and whatever, or whoever
else is assembled here today,

welcome to the First Annual
Robertson Family Shooting Competition.

There you go.

Jep and I are having a
skeet shooting competition

to settle who gets
our grandpa's rifle.

All right, look, question.

He has a 20-gage, I have a 28.

So I feel like I should
get extra points.

You wouldn't have lived
ten minutes in the wild west.

The only reason I'm
agreeing to do this,

is cause I know
that I'm gonna win.

Are they both shotguns?

- Yeah.
- That qualifies for the rules.

- I really don't know the rules.
- I don't either.

There are no rules.
First shooter up.

All right, don't forget, the
winner actually gets my rifle.

It's not your rifle, Si.

It's literally, like take
candy from a baby.

Pull.

Oh!

Now we got the rabbit.

Pull.

- Advantage, older brother.
- Nice, job, nice job.

- Any more questions?
- Let's go. If you gonna talk, talk.

If you gonna shoot, shoot.

Pull.

Look at that 28 go, boys.

I'm already at a
disadvantage with my shotgun,

but I'm pretty sure
I can take Jase.

I'm younger, faster,
and more agile.

Fancy pants.

Seven direct.

Pull.

Hey, hey, coming at ya!

Whoa! That's recovery!

I do play a lot of
FPS video games.

And Jess is always saying
it's a complete waste of time.

But if I win this competition
and prove her wrong...

Quit kissing on your
gun and get ready.

That would be awesome.

Pull.

Whoo!

May I have my rifle, please?

Where's the rifle?

Jase, it ain't over yet, son.

Part two of the rifle
competition is the rifle shoot off.

What? We just had...
Wait a minute now.

Well I mean, if you're
scared, say you're scared.

Oh, I'm not sacred.

I will beat you at shotguns,
I will beat you at rifles.

If it takes slingshots,
we'll do that next.

And ya'll don't need to

be so quick at taking
spelling off the table.

Time for the ceremonial
hand washing.

What am I suppose to do?

Carry the wash bath with water,
and let him wash and wipe his hands.

This ritual means, we
like you, but just saying,

don't know where
your hands have been.

Rebecca and John Reed

were recently engaged
here in the United States.

But according to Rebecca's
mom and family in Taiwan,

they are not officially
engaged until they go through

the traditional Taiwanese
engagement custom.

So before they leave,
we're helping them practice

so they'll be prepared
for the ceremony.

Even though we don't
know what the ceremony is,

and Korie just pulled
a list from the internet.

I'm sure it'll be fine.

Do you have the red envelope?

Am I suppose to give to ya'll, or
who am I suppose to give it to?

Yeah.

- Let's see, how much I'm worth.
- Big money in there. Big money.

There's three dollars
and an ice cream gift card.

I'll take the gift card.

You can keep the whole
thing, there's nothing in it.

I didn't really warn
him before this.

I think it's just
supposed to be symbolic.

Few hundred years ago
they'd probably give them, like,

a couple of goats or something.

- Yeah. They do pigs...
- I thought they did animals.

- A cow.
- So give them a cow.

You can make a lot of
steaks out of one cow.

Can you kill a buck,
and then I can bring it?

I don't think you ship
a dead buck to Taiwan.

Okay, now it's time
for the tea ceremony.

Me and John Reed met during
Voodoo Fest in New Orleans.

I'm really impressed
with how John Reed

gets along my family here,

but it's also important to know the
other side of me that's in Taiwan.

Here's to red envelopes,

with more cash than
that's got in it for sure...

and engagement
and a happy wedding.

Cheers.

I'm really nervous for John
Reed to meet the family.

I don't think he realizes

how crazy my family
can be in Taiwan.

It'll be all right.

I think he'll do fine, but you
just need to be prepared.

- Yeah.
- Yup.

All right, let's get this
competition over with, boys.

You think you got those
barrels far enough out there?

Three hundred yards.

Three hundred yards?

I sighted this
gun in at 50 yards.

I'm saying move the
barrels a bit closer.

No. This is long range shooting.

You got three on the left,
I've got the three on the right.

And trust me, you wanna
hit the ones in the middle,

because I got a little
something in there.

That's a nice little
pencil gun you got there.

I brought me a little something.
This is ol' Ronda here.

- I'm betting on Jep this round.
- Anybody wanna take Jase?

No.

I think it's pretty clear that Jep is
bitter over losing the skeet shoot.

I named after Ronda Rousey.

- Ronda Rally?
- Ronda Rousey.

The last fight, she got ko'd.

That's a good point.

I'm not concerned at all.

It's not the gun, it's the
man pulling the trigger.

Three shots a piece,
whoever hits the most, wins.

He ain't going to hit that.

Ain't no way.

You hit about five
feet in front of it.

- Not good for you.
- Oh for one.

All right, let me
try this again.

Swing and a miss.

Jep may have a slight
advantage in this instance,

but I'm not one
who scares easily.

I'm going for pride now, Si.

Look close... do you see
any fear in these eyes?

- He got that one.
- Ooh-yeah!

I didn't think so.

All right, let's see
what ol' Ronda can do.

Jase is about to find out
that not only is my rifle bigger,

but I know how to use it.

Let me zoom way up!

He just brought a pee
shooter, to a cannon fight.

And I'm about to make split
pea soup at about 300 yards.

Oh, boy.

Here we go.

The winner.

Whose got two thumbs
and just won a rifle?

This guy.

Well, Martin, looks like
that gun is mine now, buddy.

Hey, I won the
shotgun competition,

you won the rifle,
we're still even.

That's a good point.
We are still even.

Hey, I got a buddy over
here that does something

don't neither one of ya'll know
nothing about. Cowboy shooting.

Are we shooting each other?

No, you're shooting
a little metal target.

Now that actually sounds fair.

- Let's be cowboys.
- Saddle up, partner!

We gone tote that
gun around for years.

I'm over toting this
thing. It don't even work.

- Ya'll ready?
- Making the long trip.

Uh... I don't know.

You're going to do great. Your
family will know that you tried.

- Yeah.
- And that you respect their traditions

- and that's what's important.
- Yeah.

Rebecca's family is going
to fall in love with you and...

Or you'll screw it all up,
and everybody will be mad.

Thanks for having
faith in me, Willie.

You're gonna do great.

I think John Reed and Rebecca

are a little bit nervous
about this whole engagement

ceremony and meeting the family,

but really they have
nothing to worry about.

It's traditional to wear a red dress
for the engagement ceremony.

Oh! That is so pretty.

- I got you a red dress.
- I love that.

Isn't that pretty?

- Thank you!
- You're welcome.

John Reed is a great guy,
and I know her Taiwanese family

is gonna love him
just as much as we do.

They should. But you never know.

Your parents
didn't like me so...

Well, they liked you. They
just thought were a little young.

True.

- I love ya'll.
- See yeah, I love, ya.

- Have fun.
- See you after the summer.

I'm really proud of Rebecca for
honoring her family's traditions.

I think her family in Taiwan is
gonna be so proud of her too.

She's gonna love you.

Even though it can be hard to see
your kids grow up and get married,

I can't wait to walk
her down the aisle.

Oh, wait, how do you say
good bye in Taiwanese?

Let's roll.

Is it bad that I kinda wanna see
John Reed screw up a couple things

so I can watch the video?

- Don't forget to record everything.
- Yeah.

Good luck eating that food.

- You gonna be even skinnier, son.
- Aw, they're so cute.

Can you believe we have
another one getting married?

I'm ready for the wedding.

No, I got 'em.

I got everybody's nickname now.

You're "Lugbox," Godwin's
"Possum," Martin's "Horsehead,"

and Si is "Saddle Sore."

Saddle Sore?

- Well, what's up with Possum?
- Possum, cause you'll eat anything.

And what's your handle?

I'm now known as
the Grave Digger.

You sound like a
monster truck now.

- Hey, Martin, how's it going?
- Slick, what's happening, man?

- Man, good to see you.
- Everybody... Slick.

Pleasure to meet you.

After two shooting
competitions, we have a tie score.

This is my daughter, Lily-Bleu.

- Lily Bleu!
- Pleasure.

She's a current World
National Buckarette Champion.

Wow.

So it all comes down to this,

a cowboy shootout.

Lily Bleu's going to
show you how to do it.

- How old are you, Lily Bleu?
- Fourteen.

Fourteen?!

I feel sorry for your
future boyfriend.

Now, I've always wondered how
I would fair in the old wild west.

Now we're fixed to see.

Shooter ready.

Oh, jeez.

Okay, boys. Get settled.

Get ya'll some of that.

That's how it's done.

- It's up to you guys.
- All right, you're up, Jase.

- I wanna see this.
- That's kind of hard to follow.

- No pressure.
- All right. Let's do this.

- Shooter ready.
- Hold on.

I'm one of the few people that believes
I would have flourished in the old west.

You are either quick and
accurate, or you're dead.

That's why I'm known...
as the Grave Digger.

- Done.
- Forty-five seconds.

Forty-five?!

When you hear the shot
go off, get the shovel ready.

- That's not bad for an old man.
- I'm not build for speed.

What I would do in the
west, is shoot and run.

Re-load. Shoot, run.

It was a long way to get here,

but, finally, Grandpa's rifle is
coming home with it's rightful owner.

Jep, all you gotta do
is beat 45 seconds.

All right, let's
see what you got.

Whoa. So far, he's ahead.

I'm not teenage girl fast,
but I'm way faster than Jase.

Sweet. Yeah.

He was Mountain Man fast.

You got 33.42.

Whoo!

That was pretty
good, but he missed.

Yep. That's five
seconds for each miss,

so that's ten seconds
added to your time.

- That makes.
- Forty three-forty two.

So he beats me by
a second and a half?

Dude, this is about
speed. That rifle is mine.

The Grave Digger,
just got buried.

- May he rest in peace.
- Hold up.

All my guys are dead.

The two times he missed,
they shot him. He died.

- Your seconds wouldn't have mattered.
- No, cause I shot so fast,

I shot 'em before
they could shoot me.

How do they settle
stuff in the old west?

- Duel.
- Let's do a duel.

The only bad thing about that
is, one of you is going to be dead.

- Oh, no.
- We using live rounds here?

No, we're gonna use something
else. Come on, I'll fix you up.

Let's go have a duel.

And draw!

Right in the hat!

My paintball hit him
right above the eyes.

I thought to myself, "You better
be glad that was a paintball."

Dude, you weren't
suppose to shoot in the head!

They shoot a little high.

He would've lasted 20
years in the wild west.

Probably because there weren't
any guns around named Ronda.

Well, let me crown
this to the winner.

Now you can go kill
some squirrels and such.

- Yes!
- You can have it, dude.

My gun's way better,
so I don't really care.

You know the last thing that
went through your mind was?

- A paintball?
- A paintball.

Father, we're so
thankful for this day.

And thank you for the many
blessings that you've given us.

We're thankful for this family.

And at this time, Father, we
pray for Rebecca and John Reed,

and just pray that the you
be with them as they travel.

And Father, thank you for
this food that you've given us.

Through Jesus we pray, amen.

Amen.

Watching your kids
grow up and move on

is bittersweet part of life.

It's tough seeing the
kid that you raised,

go off and start their own life.

But it also makes you proud to see
the person that they've grown into.

On the other hand, some people
in your family may never grow up.

And will probably always have
dumb competitions during work hours.

But the truth is, there's
something comforting

about knowing your brothers
are the same knucklehead kids

they've always been,
and they always will be.

This is a gift for you.