Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 10, Episode 1 - Willie & Korie's Anniversorry - full transcript

Oh, come on, Jess, let's go.

Hey, you can't rush dynamite.

- You said... Hey-hey... Hey-hey-hey.
- Hey-hey, easy.

- Take it easy. Take it easy.
- Brace yourself.

All right, let's
hurry up. I gotta git.

- What's your hurry?
- I've gotta find a gift for my wife.

- It's our 25th anniversary.
- Ooh, 25... That's a big'un.

That's a biggy.

You're just now
thinking about a gift?

I'm having a hard time
coming up with the perfect

25th anniversary gift for Korie,



so I decided to spend
some time with my brothers

demolishing old duck blinds

to see if they
could help me out.

What did you get Missy
for y'all's 25th anniversary?

I didn't get her anything.

Ooh.

We just did it a month later.

- Al, what did you get Lisa?
- Hey, we, uh...

Mostly, it's just reminding me
that if I don't get Korie the right gift,

she's likely going
to demolish me too.

I got Lisa 24 red roses

and then one white
rose right in the middle.

Well, that kinda sucks.

There were other
things. We took a trip.



But she got the runs.

- Huh.
- That's a mood killer.

I hope Korie is
getting better advice

than what I'm getting
from these imbeciles.

Here's what you get her.
Never been done before.

Twenty-five earrings.

Then there'd be one
extra one left over.

Then you can get your ear
pierced, and you could wear one.

Be like Harrison Ford.

He looks good with an earring.

Robertson men aren't exactly
known for their gift-giving abilities.

Twenty-five pairs of lingerie.

- Twenty-five earrings.
- That way, you get... benefit as well.

I've never been able to
crack the gift-giving code

when it comes to women.

Twenty-five earrings
and 25 shoes.

God, that's terrible.

Have you ever heard
someone giving 25 earrings?

- Nobody would do that.
- Nobody's that dumb.

But I have learned a few things.

When she says, "You don't
have to buy me anything this year,"

that is a lie.

That means you spare no expense,

and you buy as many
things as possible.

Get her 25 doves.

- Twenty-five horses.
- Clydesdales.

Twenty-five earrings,
I'm telling you.

I keep coming back to
it. That's what you do.

Twenty-five earrings
is stupid. That's out.

And the last thing is, if
you're asking me for advice,

you're in trouble.

All right, I wrote all
these down in my mind,

so thanks for the help.

It was very useless.

- Can we go?
- Let's get out of here.

- I still think 25 earrings would...
- Jase, shut up.

- Uh-oh. Uh-oh!
- Si got him one.

- He got 'im.
- Oh, Si, that's bait!

- A little ol' crappie.
- You can throw him back.

Hey, give him here...

- Hey! Good night.
- I hate a bridge.

Si, this would've been
a great fishing hole

before the invention
of the automobile.

You're bad-mouthing
my hole, son.

You said it was a secret spot. I
come out here, it's on a bridge.

No, ain't nobody knows
about this spot, boy.

- Yeah.
- Atta boy.

So much for a secret spot.

- Daggone.
- Si.

- What?
- There's two things

that congregate on
bridges... Fish and rednecks.

- No.
- The fish are under the bridge.

Whoo...

Hey, you never bad-mouth
a man's fishing hole.

Si, all it takes is one
person to be sending a text,

and we're dead.

Y'all need to go buy y'all
a attitude adjustment kit.

Hey, don't yell. You'll
give our location away.

Hey.

Especially if you're catching
yourself a boatload of fish.

Good night.

- Oh, no!
- He's got it.

- Okay, baby, come on here.
- Uh-oh, hang on.

There he is.

Oh, boy. I got one.

Whoo, that's a perfect eater.

Hey, you was just
bad-mouthing my spot.

Hey, watch the attitude
and show some gratitude.

I just think it's a
little embarrassing.

No, if you're catching fish,
there ain't no embarrassment to it.

You're missing the point, Si.

No, that is the point.
We're catching fish.

Hey, you're welcome
for the fish, you dummy.

All right, look. We got more
than we can eat in one sitting.

Let's get out of here.

Farewell.

You stay here in case somebody
drives by and tries to steal our stuff.

You got it.

Hey, what's that on
your stupid car window?

Somebody trying
to sell me something.

- No, that looks official.
- Uh-oh.

That's a dang ticket.

A ticket out here? For what?

"Illegal parking on shoulder."

Well, you need to pay this.

What do you mean I need
to pay it? This your truck.

This is your hole!
It was your idea!

Yeah, but, I mean,
it's your truck.

If it was my truck,
I wouldn't pay it.

I'd go to court over it.

We put that bridge
across this stupid thing.

My taxes, your taxes,

his taxes, Martin's
taxes, Phil's taxes.

- That is pretty...
- Your taxes, my taxes, Phil's taxes.

- We built that bridge.
- Yeah.

And then we can't fish on it?

- This still is America, right?
- We need to split it.

Hey, it's his spot.

Hey, I'm gonna tell
you, I wouldn't pay it.

- I'd go to court.
- Yeah, you're paying it.

No, I ain't paying it.

Good night.

Put your seatbelt on, Si.

Put your seatbelt on
before you get another ticket.

Don't get another ticket.

Are you ready to party?

♪ We're gonna party
if we get the lights ♪

Oh!

This is actually really fun.

All right, hand
me another strand.

Make sure you spell
"anniversary" right.

I think they need
to go higher, babe.

I can't go any higher.

I asked for my family to help me

throw this huge 25th wedding
anniversary for my parents.

And it's going to be awesome.

Why don't we let Reed...
He's taller than me.

- Let him do it.
- No, Jep. That's dangerous.

Get on your tippy toes.

Oh, that's not dangerous.

It's pretty difficult getting all the
Robertson family on the same page.

But if you have free labor,
you can't expect the best.

These pop really...

Oh!

Easily.

Oh, God.

At this point, I'm just hoping
no one gets seriously injured.

Hey, hey, hey.

- Mom.
- I brought y'all some snacks.

You're not supposed to be
here. What are you doing?

I just thought y'all might be
getting hungry, so I wanted to

- bring y'all some snacks.
- Korie, it's, like, 3:00.

- Quit snooping.
- I'm not snooping. I'm just coming

- to just check on y'all.
- You are snooping.

No, I was not trying to snoop.

I was trying to be hospitable
and, like, contribute...

That's your lie voice.
That is your lie voice.

That's my... I don't...

I don't have a lie voice.

- Like lights and everything?
- You like the lights?

You should hang
them a little bit higher.

I told you.

The lights are too low.

Don't get hurt
decorating for my party.

I don't have a lie voice.

I was trying to be helpful.

Okay, I might've been
snooping just a little bit.

Okay, all right, that's enough.

I'm excited. Thanks.

Sorry, guys.

Little sneaky...
Little sneaky snake.

- Ugh! My calfs are cramping.
- You all right?

Quit.

How many Robertsons does
it take to screw in a light bulb?

Why is cheese better
once you grate it?

When you grate it yourself,

and then you buy
it already grated,

it ain't worth a rip.

If you take the whole block
and just gnaw a piece of it off...

it's not as good

as if you grate the same block.

'Cause when you grate it,
it covers your whole tummy.

- All right, boys.
- You're late, Si.

- I know.
- You're way late.

Hey, you ain't paid
that ticket yet, right?

Nope.

Whatcha got?

- Uh-oh.
- The reason I was late,

okay, is I went and took
photographs of the scene of the crime.

- Which there were no crime.
- This is just pictures of the road.

Hey, look. I watch my
fair share of Law & Order,

so when it comes to
the law and legal stuff,

I got this.

That is exactly

where your truck was parked.

What is this mystery picture?

And I'm gonna do you one better.
You don't have to pay the ticket.

Did you spill something
on the pictures?

Yeah, for example,
"Judge, I object!"

We're gonna go down
there, and I'm gonna fight it.

"You can't handle the proof."
I'm gonna be your lawyer.

"Five-minute
recess, Your Honor."

- And this is your evidence?
- That's part of it.

Look, at this rate, it
ain't gonna be long

I'll be promoted to Judge Judy

and executioner.

Hey, here's my
argument to the judge.

- All right, let me hear your argument.
- Oh, I gotta hear this.

First thing, you see
any parking signs there?

- Nope.
- Okay,

since there are no white
lines on either side of that road,

okay, I submit to you
there, Your Honor,

there is no shoulder.

He might have a point.

- It isn't a shoulder. It's a ditch.
- That is true.

I've been parking
there for 20 years,

and that sets a "presidents."

"Precedent."

One of the first signs that you may
be on the wrong side of an argument

is if you find yourself
agreeing with Si.

You vote for the president.

- No.
- You set a precedent.

- Yeah. President.
- No.

However, every once in a while,

he has a favorable argument.

- Precedent.
- President.

- Precedent.
- President.

- Precedent.
- Press-eh-dent.

- Precedent.
- That's what I said... president.

I'm feeling good about it.

But so far,

this is not one of those times.

Si, I'm not sure I want
you representing me

in a court of law.

- Hey, I object.
- Why are you banging on the table?

You're not the judge.
You don't have the gavel.

No.

I think I'll just pay the
ticket, and we'll go from there.

Hey, I'll take care of it. I know
somebody down at the courthouse.

- Hey.
- Tell you what.

You can come, but
if it all goes south,

just plead insanity.

And I guarantee
you that'll work.

Agree.

I object!

♪ I'm just cooking up
hot dogs in the kitchen ♪

Oh, my goodness,
Rowdy. Look at Uncle Alan.

- Wow.
- That mustache is tragic.

- Look at Jep.
- He's tiny. Holy cow.

Rowdy is our new son. We
met him last year in April.

I was actually speaking
at an adoption fundraiser

and found out that
there was this little boy

that needed a home.

We met him and fell in
love with him immediately

and invited him into our family.

And here he is.

I don't understand.

Kids are doing a party,
and we're doing all the work.

We're the one that's
planning the party for y'all.

All you're doing is
just cooking a meal.

I was a little bit nervous about
meeting my... my new family

'cause where I came
from, I had no siblings.

I was just the only
child in my family.

Since I was the only child
and I only had one parent,

I never got to out of state, so this is
also my first time to be out of state.

- It was awesome.
- You're going to be in our family forever.

Oh, my... Look. Look at Daddy.

- Can you believe that's Dad?
- No, it looks nothing like him.

- Hey...
- Hey, Rowdy, go check the laundry.

I think I heard the...
The buzzer go off.

- Okay.
- Willie, look at the date.

"1-11-'92." I remember that day.

We got married
in '92. It's 2016.

Hang on.

- Look, six minus two...
- Probably should be...

- is four.
- 17 minus two.

No, six minus two is four.

- No, seven...
- So that's 20...

- I'm saying 17 minus two is five.
- Which would be next year.

It's not 25th. It's our 24th.

I think the 25th anniversary
debacle came from me

'cause I somehow...

In that year, I just thought

it was 25.

I got a little confused.
I mentioned to Korie...

She just went with
it. You were like...

Are you trying to
somehow blame this on me?

I don't think it's a
big deal. We just go...

What? Okay, this is a...

"Sorry."

Willie, they've got, like,
a huge cake coming.

How do you know
exactly what they're doing?

- They've got...
- I thought it was a surprise.

- I have an informant.
- Who?

Rowdy.

You said, "This is our 25th.

We need to do something big."

And I was like, "Okay, hey,
we need to do something big.

It's our 25th."

You just heard "Let's do
something big" and just went with it.

Right, that's pretty
much all I heard, yeah.

Okay, let's just
shake, like, we just...

We pretend it's our 25th.

'Cause if I don't tell,
then you're not gonna tell.

Promise?

- Slide.
- Okay.

- Slide it.
- Okay.

That's it.

All right.

Well, I know what I'm getting
you now for our anniversary.

- What?
- A calculator.

In the criminal justice system,

the people are "representeted"
by two important groups...

The police, who
write the stupid tickets.

Then you got the lawyers
that protect the innocent.

Even their dumb nephews.

These are their stories, Jack.

Dun dun!

Jase, take your hat
off. Take your hat off.

- Huh? What?
- Take your hat off.

That's good enough. I've heard
enough. 200 post calls. Have a seat.

Si, this isn't where
you pay the ticket.

I got us a hearing.

What? Si?

Look, when somebody tells you

that they're going to take
care of a parking ticket,

that usually means
they're going to pay for it.

We're all right.

That doesn't mean they're
going to be your counsel pro bono.

Next case, Robertson.

Si, what are you doing? Si.

The way I see it,

Si could either wind up
in jail, in contempt of court,

or somehow he
could miraculously win.

Bear with me, Your Honor.

I gotta do a bunch of talking.

Either way I'm
up for seeing both.

Your Honor, this
is a simple case

of clear set president.

- "President"?
- Yeah, "president."

- We got a ticket.
- But anyway, I've been going there

for, like, 20 to 25 years,
parking on the side of road,

fishing, okay?

So the presidents has been set.

I'm gonna find you guilty.

You got 19 years free.
This year you didn't.

Your Honor, I object.

Guilty. $75 plus
cost. Have a seat.

Oh, you talking
about a travesty?

He didn't even listen
to my closing argument.

All right, thank
you, Your Honor.

- I thought that went well.
- No.

I'm telling you, boys, our
judicial system is broken.

Can't win them all.

- You can't win one.
- No.

Hey, this is Law &
Order, okay, SV-P. U.!

It stinks.

Si, you didn't have a case.

Oh, what are you talkin'
about, didn't have a case?

Owe $90 for wasting
two hours of my life.

No, hey, you do expect to
get my bill through the mail.

- Your bill?
- Yeah, you ain't even got my bill yet.

- Si, you got a ticket!
- What?

This ain't happening.

No!

N-No. No. Hey.

We're fixin' to pull
back in there, boys.

Pull back in there, Si.

I got another one to fight.

I Can't wait for
y'all to see it.

You didn't have to
make it a big deal.

It's only our 25th.

Okay, everybody. They're here.

Korie, we're past the point now.

- Hey!
- Hey.

- A party? For me?
- Aww!

- This is insane.
- That's so sweet.

W-We're not...

We're not being dishonest.

- It's just a big party.
- Well...

We thought it was
our 25th anniversary.

- Yeah, we weren't dishonest at first.
- Yeah.

Now we're being a bit dishonest.

Korie, you are the
most incredible woman

in the world...

- Thank you. Wow.
- To have survived

25 years of that.

I mean, they worked so
hard, and they're trying to do

something really special for
us, so I don't wanna ruin that.

We have a surprise for y'all.

We have two more
guests joining us.

It's John Luke and Mary Kate!

Hi!

How's it going?

I wish y'all were here.

Yeah, we're sorry we
couldn't be there in person.

- Yeah. We miss y'all.
- We miss y'all.

- Can they see us?
- Yes.

- Happy 25th!
- Thank you!

I feel like I'm on the
spaceship Enterprise.

John Luke, are you
making good grades?

Uh, we'll talk about that later.

That's no!

Really, this is a big deal
to plan this big of a party.

I mean, it's weird
that we have children

that actually are old
enough to do that.

Like, they're actually adults.

We have children
that are married.

I know. That's crazy.

Again, dates. She
forgets these things.

All right, we have
one more surprise.

I present to you

"Willie and Korie:
a Love Story."

Aw.

Isn't that Dolly Parton?

Hey, looky there!

"It was 1981

when young Willie and
Korie met each other

at Camp Ch-Yo-Ca, and
it was love at first sight."

My name is Willie.
What is your name?

You smell funny.

"Two years later, in 1983,
Willie got some deodorant

and asked Korie to
come to his family fish fry."

How do you like my
mussels? What muscles?

What is this, a roast? Or
is this the story of our life?

"It didn't look like young
Willie had a chance,

but eight years later,
in October of 1991,

Willie went from
popping his guns

to popping the question."

Korie, will you marry me?

Of course I will.

Of course she will.

I'm the luckiest
man in the world!

"And in January of
'92 they were married."

I now pronounce you husband
and wife. You may kiss the bride.

Don't do it for real,
because that's just weird.

Yeah!

Hold on! Hold it!
Hold it! Hold it! Hold it.

No, no, hold it.

- Si!
- Look, I ain't no "mathemagician,"

but, hey, 1992 to 2016...

Si, will you just shut up?

- We're trying to have a party here.
- Hey, look.

It's your 24th, dummy.

Willie made me do it.

We... We mis-added.

Everybody's not good in math.

Korie, kudos to you for
putting up with that idiot

for 24 years.

Now, let the party begin!

The plan would've gone great

if it wasn't for old man
Witherspoon over there,

who figured out the whole deal.

We had it. They
were totally fooled.

All right, guys, thank
you all for coming.

We were a little
off on the year.

We apologize.

It is our 24th.

Thank you, Si,
for revealing that.

Twenty-four years... That's
something to celebrate.

It's just like 25 except
for one year less.

True.

All right, we'll have a word
of prayer and thank you guys.

Father, we're so thankful for
all the things You've given us.

Thank You for Korie
and this relationship

and the wonderful children
that have come out of it.

And, Father, we're thankful
for all our marriages here.

Through Him we pray. Amen.

Amen.

With our family,

an anniversary is so
much more than just a date.

It's a chance to look back on
the reasons, both big and small,

why you fell in love
in the first place.

But what we celebrate
the most is each other.

It doesn't matter if
it's been 25 years

or, in this case, 24 years,

what's most important is family,

because family is timeless.

Hey, Dad, what did
you end up getting Mom

- for y'all's anniversary?
- We'll talk about it later.

- Ohhh! Look at that.
- You wanna go to the movies?

You saved these?

Remember when we
went and saw Ghost?

Tickets to Ghost.

You saved these all these years?

- All these years.
- Oh, baby.

Twenty-four years.

That's so sweet.

- That movie was really romantic.
- Mm-hm.

Especially when you cried.

- I was not crying.
- It was sweet.

- You were.
- My nose was running.

That's how I knew you
were the man for me.

I've got allergies.