Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 1, Episode 6 - Too Close for Comfort - full transcript
HEY, LOOK.
YEAH, WHAT'S THAT
UP THERE IN THE ROAD?
I DON'T KNOW.
LET'S INVESTIGATE IT.
IN THE SOUTH, ROADKILL
IS A REDNECK'S PAYCHECK.
GET YOUR KNIFE. COME ON.
YOU WATCH FOR CARS.
STATE OF LOUISIANA HAS A $5
BOUNTY ON ALL NUTRIA RATS,
BECAUSE THEY ARE
DESTROYING THE MARSH.
THAT'S FIVE BUCKS A TAIL.
COME ON, HELP ME, SI.
ALL RIGHT, HOLD ON, LAST ONE.
JUST 'CAUSE I GOT MONEY IN MY
POCKET, THAT DON'T MEAN I'M TOO
GOOD...
COME ON, JASE, WE GOT TO GO.
TO STOP AND PICK UP A $5 BILL
THAT'S LAYING IN THE MIDDLE OF
THE ROAD.
DON'T PUT THEM
NASTY THING IN HERE.
GAH.
CRAZY.
WHOO.
THERE'S A MUSTINESS
THERE THAT'S A LITTLE RANCID.
THEY DONE BEEN
OUT THERE A WHILE.
YEAH.
UGH. $5, IT AIN'T WORTH IT.
WHOA.
HOO!
GOOD GRACIOUS ALIVE.
I'M ABOUT TO LOSE MY LUNCH.
LOOK, HERE, ROADKILL,
IT'S TOP-OF-THE-LINE ODOR.
IT'LL MAKE YOUR
HAIR STAND ON END.
IT'LL RUN YOU SLAM
OUT OF LOUISIANA.
THROW THAT CRAP OUT.
NOBODY SAID MAKING A DOLLAR IS
EASY, ESPECIALLY
WHEN IT SMELLS BAD.
MEET THE ROBERTSON CLAN.
THEY TURN DUCK CALLS...
INTO A MULTIMILLION-DOLLAR
EMPIRE.
BUT RUNNING A FAMILY BUSINESS IS
TOUGH WHEN THE FAMILY JUST WANTS
TO RUN WILD.
WHOO!
WHOO!
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BLOW THAT
LOUD.
OH, YOU GOT TO
MAKE SURE IT'LL GO.
DO YOU HEAR ME DOING THAT?
I DON'T HEAR YOU DOING
MUCH OF NOTHING OVER THERE.
WELL, I'M INVENTING
A NEW DUCK CALL.
IS THIS NEW CALGONNA MAKE MONEY?
NO, SI, WE'RE JUST
GONNA GIVE 'EM AWAY.
I'M BACK THERE WITH THE
RIFFRAFF.
I'M AN INVENTOR.
YOU CAN'T PUT ME IN THIS
SETTING AND EXPECT ME TO INVENT.
WILLIE, I NEED A NEW OFFICE.
YOU HAVE AN OFFICE.
I JUST NEED A PLACE TO
GET AWAY UP HERE SO I CAN
CONCENTRATE.
YOU WANT AN OFFICE UP HERE?
I'M THE C.O.O.
OH, JASE.
IN THIS COMPANY,
WILLIE'S NUMBER ONE.
I'M NUMBER TWO.
AND THAT'S WHAT HE'S TREATING
ME LIKE... A BIG PILE OF NUMBER TWO.
YOU'RE DOING
GREAT IN THAT SPACE.
AN OFFICE IS FOR SMART PEOPLE.
JASE ISN'T EXACTLY
PART OF THE BRAIN TRUST.
HE'S MORE LIKE A BRAIN FART.
JASE, I CAN'T HELP YOU.
YOU CAN'T HAVE ONE
OF THESE OFFICES.
THEY'RE FULL.
WHATEVER.
THE OLD SWAMP PROVIDES, COLE.
MAINLY I USE THE GRANDKIDS WHEN
IT COME TO CRAWFISHING JUST AS
A LABOR POOL.
I DID THIS FOR A
LIVING ONE TIME.
BUT NOW THE DUCK
CALL IS SELLING GOOD.
WE EATING LIKE KINGS.
COLOR TV.
HOT WATER.
MY GRANDKIDS HAVE A LOT.
THEY ARE FAR BETTER OFF
THAN WE WERE AS CHILDREN.
WAY BETTER OFF.
WE'VE COME A LONG WAY.
MY JOB IS TO GET THEM TO
APPRECIATE THAT, NOT TAKE IT FOR
GRANTED.
WE GOT ABOUT 2 1/4 SACKS THERE.
LIFE IS GOOD, COLE, MAN.
LIFE IS REAL GOOD.
WHAT YOU BEEN UP TO?
I TRIED TO GET A NEW OFFICE
FOR ME, BUT THEY'RE ALL FULL.
I'M THE C.O.O.
I NEED A PLACE TO THINK.
WHAT IF WE JUST BUILD ONE?
MARTIN LOOKS REALLY DUMB.
THAT'S ONE OF THE GREATEST
IDEAS YOU'VE EVER HAD.
BUT HE'S REALLY SMART.
YOU WANT SOMETHING
DONE, YOU DO IT YOURSELF.
THAT'S WHAT STARTED
THIS COMPANY.
THAT'S WHAT STARTED
THIS COUNTRY.
THAT'S IT. HEY.
WE'LL HELP YOU BUILD IT.
I DON'T THINK WE
OUGHT TO TELL WILLIE.
NO.
THIS IS GONNA HAVE TO
BE A COVERT OPERATION.
AS SOON AS HE
LEAVES, WE'LL START.
WE'LL BUILD IT AND ASK
FOR FORGIVENESS LATER.
LET'S DO IT.
IN THE ARMY, THEY
CALL THAT INITIATIVE.
YUP.
GO ON THE OFFENSE.
THEN I'M GONNA CLOSE THE DOOR
IN HIS FACE AND SAY, "I'M BUSY."
TELL HIM I'M BUSY.
DON'T BOTHER ME RIGHT NOW.
HI.
WHATEVER YOU'RE MAD
ABOUT, I DIDN'T DO IT.
I'M NOT MAD.
OH.
NO, YOU DOING GOOD.
HEY, LOOK, KORIE'S OUT OF TOWN,
AND I GOT ROPED INTO THE PETTING
ZOO WITH MISS KAY.
SO HELP ME OUT.
I NEED Y'ALL TO MAKE SURE
YOU GET THE STUFF DONE.
HAVE FUN AT THE PETTING ZOO.
GO TO THE PETTING ZOO, YOU DOG.
ANYBODY WANT TO TRADE WITH ME?
NO, YOU'RE GOOD.
HAVE FUN AT THE ZOO.
THIS IS PERFECT.
HE'S GONE, I SAY LET
THE BUILDING BEGIN.
WELL, WHAT ARE WE WAITING ON?
WELCOME TO THE WARDEN'S OFFICE.
I'M THINKING RIGHT HERE.
WE GOT A WALL.
WE GOT A DOOR.
ALL WE GOT TO DO
IS BUILD THREE WALLS.
IF A BUNCH OF EGYPTIANS
COULD BUILD PYRAMIDS WITH NO
EQUIPMENT, I THINK I CAN TAKE
THREE GROWN MEN AND BUILD AN
OFFICE IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS.
SI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
SI'S MEASURING.
16 FEET.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU WERE
PRACTICING FOR A FIELD SOBRIETY
TEST OR SOMETHING.
HEY, DO ME A FAVOR.
WHAT?
TOUCH YOUR NOSE LIKE
THIS AND STAND ON ONE LEG.
NO, I CAN'T DO IT.
OH. WHAT'S IN THAT CUP?
EASY, BOY. EASY.
ARE YOU SOBER?
SURE, I'M SOBER.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO
NAIL YOUR OWN FOOT.
OH, LOOK AT ALL OF 'EM.
I LOVE ANIMALS.
I PROBABLY HAD OVER MY
CHILDHOOD ABOUT 50 CATS, 25 DOGS.
THE MOST UNUSUAL ONE I EVER
HAD WOULD BE THE NUTRIA RAT.
HE ONE DAY DECIDED TO BITE
MY LEG, AND HE WAS GONE.
WILLIE, YOU NEVER MILKED
A COW?
NOT REGULARLY.
JUST SQUEEZE AND PULL DOWN.
LET'S SEE HERE.
THAT'S QUITE THE TEAT.
OH.
I DON'T MIND SPENDING TIME WITH
MY FAMILY.
I LOVE DOING THAT.
BUT WHEN I'M GONE FROM THE
WAREHOUSE, NOTHING GETS DONE.
BRING IT ON HERE, GODWIN.
EASY.
UNLOAD!
I CAN BUILD ANYTHING.
I MEAN, LOOK, IF A BEAVER
CAN BUILD A HOUSE, I THINK I CAN
BUILD AN OFFICE.
I'M LIKING IT ALREADY.
WHEN YOU GROW UP WITH YOUR
BROTHERS, YOU KNOW JUST THE
RIGHT BUTTON TO
PUSH TO SEND 'EM OFF.
THIS RIGHT HERE, BUILDING THIS
OFFICE, IT'S GONNA PUSH WILLIE'S
BUTTON.
IT'LL BE FOURTH OF JULY AROUND
THERE FOR A COUPLE DAYS.
BOTTLE ROCKETS.
SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
THE ONLY WAY IN AND OUT OF
HERE IS THROUGH WILLIE'S OFFICE?
YOU ARE CORRECT.
WILLIE IS MY BROTHER.
I USED TO SLEEP IN THE
SAME BED WITH THAT JOKER.
THAT'S UNFORTUNATE.
OH, I KNOW.
I MEAN, I'VE SEEN
THAT BOY WET THE BED.
YOU KNOW WHAT I SAW
WILLIE DO ONE TIME?
I SAW HIM, WHEN HE WAS A KID,
LAYING DOWN, AND HE WAS PEEING
AT AN ARC, AND IT WAHITTING
HIM RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED GOATS.
HA.
IN MY OPINION, YOU'RE NOT A
PROPER WOMAN IF YOU DON'T HAVE
A GOAT OR TWO.
I REALLY, REALLY WANT A GOAT.
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A FENCE.
WELL, YOU CAN BUILD A PEN.
OKAY, HOW MUCH LONGER?
WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.
I'M NOT LEAVING
HERE WITHOUT A GOAT.
I'M SERIOUS.
HEY, IF I GET YOU A
GOAT, CAN WE JUST LEAVE?
YEAH, BUT MORE
THAN ONE OF COURSE.
ARE THESE GOATS FOR SALE?
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.
I'LL GIVE YOU $100.
$100 WOULDN'T BUY THE
HORNS OFF OF ONE OF 'EM.
I'LL TAKE $1,000 AND
YOU CARRY 'EM WITH YOU.
THEY'LL FIT JUST RIGHT IN
THE BACK OF YOUR ESCALADE.
NO.
WILLIE, IT'S JUST A CAR.
THAT'S A $70,000 CAR.
I'M NOT PUTTING
GOATS IN THE BACK OF IT.
I WANT THE GOATS.
I WANT THE GOATS.
I AIN'T PUTTING NO GOATS IN
THE BACK OF THAT ESCALADE, I'M
GONNA TELL YOU THAT RIGHT NOW.
AAH! THEY'RE EATING MY PANTS!
OKAY, THIS IS THE DUMBEST
IDEA YOU'VE EVER HAD.
WELL, ONCE WE GET 'EM
HOME, THEY'LL BE FINE.
KAY, DON'T LET THOSE
GOATS CRAP BACK THERE.
POOP POOP.
OH, GOODNESS.
BRING IT ON IN.
A LITTLE MORE?
HOLD. HOLD RIGHT THERE.
HEY, HEY, WHOA.
WHEN I SAID I WANTED A NEW
OFFICE, I GOT ONE OF THESE.
SO I'M TAKING IT UPON MYSELF
TO BUILD MY OWN OFFICE.
AND GUESS WHAT?
I'M GONNA BUILD IT
RIGHT BESIDE THE BOSS.
DOWN. DOWN.
NO, YOUR OTHER DOWN.
THERE YOU... OH, OH.
OKAY, I'M OUT OF HERE.
I GOT THE BEST SEAT IN
THE HOUSE RIGHT HERE, BOY.
I DIDN'T ASK THEM TO HELP ME
'CAUSE I THINK THEY'RE SMART.
I BASICALLY NEED LIVE
BODIES WITH A HEARTBEAT.
INTELLIGENCE IS OPTIONAL.
YOU GOT ME BACKED INTO ONE SPOT.
NOBODY MOVED THE LADDER THERE.
YOU SAID PUT IT RIGHT THERE
WHERE YOU WERE STANDING.
HEY, YOU GOT TO BE MORE PACIFIC.
PACIFIC OR SPECIFIC?
SI, THE PACIFIC IS AN OCEAN.
YEAH.
NO, WE AIN'T TALKING ABOUT
NO ATLANTIC AND PACIFIC HERE.
HOW DID YOU
GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL?
HE DIDN'T.
YOU BE MORE ATLANTIC, 'CAUSE
MARTIN'S GONNA BE MORE PACIFIC.
AND I'LL BE THE INDIAN.
YOU KNOW, I GET TO TALKING
FAST, AND THEY HAVE A HARD TIME
UNDERSTANDING ME.
THEY JUST NEED TO THINK FASTER.
ARE WE GONNA BUILD THIS ROOF,
OR ARE WE GONNA PLAY WITH OCEANS
ALL AFTERNOON?
THAT WAY THEY CAN
KEEP UP WITH MY VOICE.
WHO BROUGHT OCEANS
UP TO BEGIN WITH?
YEAH, THEY'RE DROPPING
BOMB-BOMBS ALL OVER YOUR SEAT.
WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
DROP, DROP, DROP.
EVERYWHERE.
IT'S JUST LIKE A GUM
MACHINE WITH POOP IN IT.
THEY'RE CRAPPING EVERYWHERE,
I HATE TO TELL YOU THAT.
THESE GOATS, THEY'RE
LIKE FOUR-LEGGED DEVILS.
I MEAN, THEY'RE PEEING,
THEY'RE POOPING, THEY'RE DOING
EVERYTHING THEY CAN
DO TO DESTROY THIS CAR.
HEY. HEY, HEY, HEY.
HEY, GET IN BACK.
I CAN'T DRIVE.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I DIDN'T
WANT TO GET THESE GOATS.
WHOO.
THE OBJECT IS TO HIT IT ON
THE HEAD.
GO STRAIGHT UP.
LET ME SEE.
OH, GOOD NIGHT.
I THINK WILLIE'S GONNA BE
HAPPY THAT I'VE BUILT THIS OFFICE
RIGHT BESIDE HIM.
I'M GONNA TELL YOU, IT'S
AMAZING, WHEN I GET A BUNCH OF
REDNECKS TOGETHER,
WHAT WE CAN ACCOMPLISH.
REDNECK INGENUITY.
THEY'RE GENIUSES SOMETIMES.
JASE?
YEAH.
HERE'S MY CONTRIBUTION TO YOU.
SAY HELLO TO MY
LITTLE FRIEND GEORGE.
WELL, I APPRECIATE THAT.
NOW YOU GOT TO TREAT
GEORGE RIGHT NOW.
OLD GEORGE THE BEAVER,
HE'S BEEN WITH ME FOR ABOUT
20-SOME-ODD YEARS.
THAT WAS LIKE LOSING
ONE OF MY CHILDREN.
DON'T PLAY WITH MY
BEAVER TOO MUCH.
HEY, HE DON'T LIKE IT.
COLE, MAN, WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT THAT CRAWFISHING, SON?
IT'S GOOD EATING.
AUT ONE OF THE BEST EATING
THINGS THERE IS ON THE FACE OF
THE EARTH.
SEE, THERE'S A FEMALE.
THERE'S HER LITTLE... HER
LITTLE VAGINA, AS THEY CALL IT.
RIGHT THERE.
SEE THE MALE RIGHT HERE?
THERE'S HIS, AS THEY SAY
IN THE BUSINESS, DINGDONG.
HE PUTS IT RIGHT UP IN THERE.
TAKES TWO TO TANGO.
DOWN HERE IN THE SOUTH, YOU
EXPLAIN THE BIRDS AND BEES TO
YOUR GRANDSON VIA THE CRAWFISH.
CRAWFISH HAVE
DINGDONGS AND VAGINAS.
IT'S A GOOD THING TO POINT TO
AND SAY, "KIDS, CHECK THAT OUT."
THEY'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
THEM LITTLE YUPPIE GIRLS,
THEY DON'T EVEN LIKE CRAWFISH.
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN
MAKE IT SIMPLE FOR HER.
ON YOUR FIRST DATE, YOU CAN SAY,
"WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT CRAWFISH?"
AND IF SHE SAYS, "OOH, AY, AY,"
JUST GO AHEAD AND DUMP HER OUT.
BUT THE KIND YOU WANT
IS LIKE YOUR GRANDMA.
SEE, WHEN I WALKED OUT THE
DOOR, I LOOKED OVER THERE ON THE
CABINET, SHE'S MAKING DOUGH.
NOW WHEN THEY MAKING DOUGH FOR
THE CRAWFISH PIE BEFORE YOU HAVE
GONE TO RUN THE TRAPS,
WHAT'S THAT TELL YOU?
SHE'S CONFIDENT IN YOU.
THAT'S A NICE WAY OF SAYING IT.
YOU EDUCATED, BOY.
YOU MAKE STRAIGHT As, DON'T YOU?
THROW THAT SACK IN THE TRUCK.
LINDA, CAN YOU BRING
ME THAT FILE ON...
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
THIS IS THE NEW
OFFICIAL OASIS OF JASE.
YOU BUILT AN OFFICE?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
JASE IS THINKING.
HE HAD TO HAVE WORKED HARDER
BUILDING THIS LITTLE OFFICE THAN
HE'S WORKED FOR ME IN TEN YEARS.
THAT'S MY DOOR.
THAT'S OUR DOOR.
DUDE, YOU'VE CROSSED THE LINE.
HEY, WILLIE.
WILLIE.
JASE, THE PEOPLE IN THESE
OFFICES DON'T TALK TO EACH OTHER
THEY WORK QUIETLY
OR THEY SEND EMAILS.
I LOVE WORKING NEXT TO WILLIE.
THIS IS GOING BACK
TO OUR CHILDHOOD.
WE HAD ONE ROOM, ALL THE
BROTHERS, AND WE PLAYED GAMES
ALL NIGHT AND BUILT
FORTS, PLAYED ARMY.
DID YOU EVER FIGURE OUT
HOW TO MAKE THAT GUACAMOLE?
SHUT UP AND WORK.
MAN, I LIKE THAT STUFF.
ALTHOUGH THEY WEREN'T
ALWAYS GOOD TIMES.
THERE'S NOTHING WORSE THAN
WAKING UP AND REALIZING THAT
YOU'RE IN YOUR BROTHER'S URINE.
HEY, YOU KNOW
THIS OLD FROG I GOT?
HE WON'T COME OUT
FROM UNDER THAT ROCK.
JASE, I DON'T CARE
ABOUT THE FROG.
HEY, WILLIE.
WHAT YOU DOING?
JASE HAS TOTALLY
REDEFINED THE TERM A.D.D.
HE'S A.D.D.D.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT IT, MR. BEAVER?
HE CAN'T SHUT UP.
HEY, WILLIE. WILLIE.
HEY, WILLIE.
I JUST HAD AN IDEA.
OH, THERE IT WENT.
YUP.
WELL, THOSE GOATS
ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY.
I TOLD YOU NOT TO BUY 'EM.
MOM, I CAN'T COME
GET THOSE GOATS.
MA, I...
GOOD, YOU'RE HERE.
YOU WOULD NOT
BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED.
KAY, THESE GOATS ARE FINE.
NO, THEY ATE MY AZALEAS, AND
THEY'RE TEARING UP EVERYTHING.
THEY EVEN GOT
THE KIDS' BABY DOLL.
YOU GOT TO TAKE 'EM TODAY,
BECAUSE THEY'RE GONNA GET EATEN.
JUST KEEP 'EM TEMPORARY
TILL WE CAN GET A PEN BUILT.
KAY, I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS.
THIS IS PART OF THE
FAMILY BUSINESS.
NO, THIS AIN'T PART OF
THE FAMILY BUSINESS.
YES, IT'S MY BUSINESS,
AND YOU'RE MY SON.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO
DO WITH A BUNCH OF GOATS?
THIS AIN'T GOAT COMMANDER.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M
SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE
THINGS.
WELL, YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
YOU'RE SMART.
THERE THEY GO.
SAY, "BYE, GOATS."
KORIE, IT WAS NOT MY IDEA.
I PUT 'EM IN WILL'S BATHROOM.
IT'S THE PERFECT PLACE.
THEY'RE IN THERE,
THEY'RE DOING GOAT STUFF.
THEY CAN POOP IN THERE, THEY CAN
PEE IN THERE, THEY CAN
DRINK OUT THE TOILET.
THEY'RE, LIKE, HARMLESS.
YEAH.
NO... YEAH.
I'M GONNA HAVE IT WORKED OUT BY
THE TIME YOU GET BACK TOMORROW.
LET ME CALL YOU BACK.
ALL RIGHT, BYE.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
OH, NO.
WHOOP. NO, NO, NO.
SONS OF SATAN, COME ON.
AH, YOU POOPED
ALL OVER THE FLOOR.
COME ON.
GOOD MORNING, WILLIE.
HEY, LINDA.
JASE.
JASE.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I DIDN'T
WANT TO GIVE JASE AN OFFICE IN
THE FIRST PLACE.
I MEAN, WHEN IT COMES TO THIS
COMPANY, JASE, HE COULD CARE
LESS.
I'M GOING HUNTING.
Y'ALL FIGURE IT OUT.
BUT THEN AGAIN SOMETIMES
JASE'S ABSENCE IS BETTER THAN HIS
PRESENCE.
COME OVER TO THE OFFICE
AND, YEAH, BRING THE TRUCK.
LOAD THIS SUCKER UP AND GET IT
OUT OF HERE.
AIN'T HE GONNA BE MAD?
I COULD CARE LESS IF HE'S MAD.
MM-MM.
"MM-HMM" IS RIGHT.
JASE HAS BEEN GREAT HIS WHOLE
LIFE AT COMING UP WITH STUPID
PLANS.
AND I'VE BECOME EVEN BETTER
AT TOTALLY DISMANTLING THEM.
LET'S LET HER RIP.
YUP, THERE GOES THE C.O.O.
OH, MY.
YOU KNOW WHAT MY HOBBY IS?
PISSING JASE OFF.
EASY.
SO WHAT WAS IT LIKE
GETTING THESE EVERY DAY?
I THINK THEN I WAS
GETTING ABOUT $20 A SACK.
THAT WAS BIG MONEY.
NOW I SELL ONE DUCK
CALL FOR 20 BUCKS.
LIFE WAS GOOD BACK IN THE '60s.
EVERYBODY WAS HAPPY, HAPPY.
HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY.
20 BUCKS AIN'T WHAT IT
USED TO BE, THAT'S FOR SURE.
THAT'S JUST LITTLE STUFF YOU
CAN PICK OUT AND EAT WHILE YOU'RE
EATIN' YOUR CRAWFISH.
YOU KNOW, EAT YOUR LITTLE CORN
AND, WHAT'S THAT, A MUSHROOM?
THERE'S A POTATO.
GIVE ME SOME MORE CRAWFISH.
YOU EAT A LOT OF THESE, COLE,
YOU'LL MOVE BACKWARD AS FAST AS
YOU CAN FORWARD.
WHAT ABOUT IT?
ABOUT TIME YOU SHOWED UP.
THERE WAS A BUILDING
HERE, AND IT'S GONE.
IT'S LIKE IT VANISHED.
WHERE'S MY OFFICE?
SOMETHING HAPPEN TO IT?
YOU DEMOLISHED IT?
I RELOCATED IT.
WHERE DID YOU MOVE IT?
COME ON.
I'LL SHOW YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU SHOWING?
REMEMBER I TOLD YOU
ABOUT THOSE GOATS?
JUST WAIT.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
THAT'S MY OFFICE.
IT WAS YOUR OFFICE.
HERSHEY KISSES
OFFICE.ND THERE YOU GO.
YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
THIS IS JUST STUPID.
I CANNOT BELIEVE
YOU WOULD DO THIS.
OH, RIGHT ON YOUR DESK.
THAT'S TWO OF YOUR
COWORKERS NOW.
YOU GOT MY DUCK CALLS LAYING
ALL OVER THE DARNED FLOOR.
THAT'S GOT GOAT PEE ON IT.
I JUST KILLED TWO
BIRDS WITH ONE STONE.
KAY GETS HER GOAT PEN, AND
JASE DOESN'T HAVE TO TALK TO HIS
STUFFED BEAVER ANYMORE.
YOU CAN BLOW DUCK CALLS AS
LOUD AS YOU WANT, AND YOU GOT
COMPANY.
OH, I HAD SOMEBODY TO TALK TO.
MY FROG. WHERE'S MY FROG?
IT'S ONE THING TO
MESS WITH MY OFFICE.
BUT IT'S ANOTHER THING
TO MESS WITH MY FROG.
I HAD BONDED WITH THAT FROG.
WE HAD BECOME BEST FRIENDS.
HEY, HEY.
THERE WE GO.
LOOK, THAT'S THE
ENEMY RIGHT THERE.
OH, MAN.
KAY, THERE'S YOUR GOAT PEN.
YOU LIKE IT?
PERFECT.
I BUILT THIS AS AN OFFICE.
WELL, THANK YOU, JASE.
YOU WON'T EVEN HAVE TO GET ME
A CHRISTMAS PRESENT THIS YEAR.
IT'S JUST A PERFECT THING
TO DO FOR YOUR MOTHER.
YOU KNOW I CAN NEVER DRINK
COFFEE OUT OF THAT POT AGAIN.
COME ON, LET'S GO AND
EAT SOME CRAWFISH.
AND THEN YOU CAN GET OVER IT.
QUIT POOPING OVER EVERYTHING!
FATHER, WE THANK YOU FOR
THESE CRAWFISH THAT
YOU PROVIDED FOR US.
YOU FILL THE WOODS AND WATER
WITH PLENTY OF THINGS THAT ARE
GREAT TO EAT.
AMEN.
LET'S GET IN ON THEM MUD BUGS.
IN LIFE, WE ALL WANT THINGS,
LIKE AN OFFICE OR CRAWFISH
OR SOMETIMES EVEN GOATS.
USUALLY, WHAT WE
WANT ISN'T WHAT WE NEED.
IN OUR CASE, PHIL GOT WHAT WE
NEEDED, MISS KAY GOT WHAT SHE
WANTED, AND JASE, WELL, HE GOT
WHAT NOBODY WANTS OR NEEDS...
GOAT PEE.
SERVES HIM RIGHT FOR WETTING
THE BED AND BLAMING ME ALL THOSE
YEARS.
SHUT UP!
YEAH, WHAT'S THAT
UP THERE IN THE ROAD?
I DON'T KNOW.
LET'S INVESTIGATE IT.
IN THE SOUTH, ROADKILL
IS A REDNECK'S PAYCHECK.
GET YOUR KNIFE. COME ON.
YOU WATCH FOR CARS.
STATE OF LOUISIANA HAS A $5
BOUNTY ON ALL NUTRIA RATS,
BECAUSE THEY ARE
DESTROYING THE MARSH.
THAT'S FIVE BUCKS A TAIL.
COME ON, HELP ME, SI.
ALL RIGHT, HOLD ON, LAST ONE.
JUST 'CAUSE I GOT MONEY IN MY
POCKET, THAT DON'T MEAN I'M TOO
GOOD...
COME ON, JASE, WE GOT TO GO.
TO STOP AND PICK UP A $5 BILL
THAT'S LAYING IN THE MIDDLE OF
THE ROAD.
DON'T PUT THEM
NASTY THING IN HERE.
GAH.
CRAZY.
WHOO.
THERE'S A MUSTINESS
THERE THAT'S A LITTLE RANCID.
THEY DONE BEEN
OUT THERE A WHILE.
YEAH.
UGH. $5, IT AIN'T WORTH IT.
WHOA.
HOO!
GOOD GRACIOUS ALIVE.
I'M ABOUT TO LOSE MY LUNCH.
LOOK, HERE, ROADKILL,
IT'S TOP-OF-THE-LINE ODOR.
IT'LL MAKE YOUR
HAIR STAND ON END.
IT'LL RUN YOU SLAM
OUT OF LOUISIANA.
THROW THAT CRAP OUT.
NOBODY SAID MAKING A DOLLAR IS
EASY, ESPECIALLY
WHEN IT SMELLS BAD.
MEET THE ROBERTSON CLAN.
THEY TURN DUCK CALLS...
INTO A MULTIMILLION-DOLLAR
EMPIRE.
BUT RUNNING A FAMILY BUSINESS IS
TOUGH WHEN THE FAMILY JUST WANTS
TO RUN WILD.
WHOO!
WHOO!
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BLOW THAT
LOUD.
OH, YOU GOT TO
MAKE SURE IT'LL GO.
DO YOU HEAR ME DOING THAT?
I DON'T HEAR YOU DOING
MUCH OF NOTHING OVER THERE.
WELL, I'M INVENTING
A NEW DUCK CALL.
IS THIS NEW CALGONNA MAKE MONEY?
NO, SI, WE'RE JUST
GONNA GIVE 'EM AWAY.
I'M BACK THERE WITH THE
RIFFRAFF.
I'M AN INVENTOR.
YOU CAN'T PUT ME IN THIS
SETTING AND EXPECT ME TO INVENT.
WILLIE, I NEED A NEW OFFICE.
YOU HAVE AN OFFICE.
I JUST NEED A PLACE TO
GET AWAY UP HERE SO I CAN
CONCENTRATE.
YOU WANT AN OFFICE UP HERE?
I'M THE C.O.O.
OH, JASE.
IN THIS COMPANY,
WILLIE'S NUMBER ONE.
I'M NUMBER TWO.
AND THAT'S WHAT HE'S TREATING
ME LIKE... A BIG PILE OF NUMBER TWO.
YOU'RE DOING
GREAT IN THAT SPACE.
AN OFFICE IS FOR SMART PEOPLE.
JASE ISN'T EXACTLY
PART OF THE BRAIN TRUST.
HE'S MORE LIKE A BRAIN FART.
JASE, I CAN'T HELP YOU.
YOU CAN'T HAVE ONE
OF THESE OFFICES.
THEY'RE FULL.
WHATEVER.
THE OLD SWAMP PROVIDES, COLE.
MAINLY I USE THE GRANDKIDS WHEN
IT COME TO CRAWFISHING JUST AS
A LABOR POOL.
I DID THIS FOR A
LIVING ONE TIME.
BUT NOW THE DUCK
CALL IS SELLING GOOD.
WE EATING LIKE KINGS.
COLOR TV.
HOT WATER.
MY GRANDKIDS HAVE A LOT.
THEY ARE FAR BETTER OFF
THAN WE WERE AS CHILDREN.
WAY BETTER OFF.
WE'VE COME A LONG WAY.
MY JOB IS TO GET THEM TO
APPRECIATE THAT, NOT TAKE IT FOR
GRANTED.
WE GOT ABOUT 2 1/4 SACKS THERE.
LIFE IS GOOD, COLE, MAN.
LIFE IS REAL GOOD.
WHAT YOU BEEN UP TO?
I TRIED TO GET A NEW OFFICE
FOR ME, BUT THEY'RE ALL FULL.
I'M THE C.O.O.
I NEED A PLACE TO THINK.
WHAT IF WE JUST BUILD ONE?
MARTIN LOOKS REALLY DUMB.
THAT'S ONE OF THE GREATEST
IDEAS YOU'VE EVER HAD.
BUT HE'S REALLY SMART.
YOU WANT SOMETHING
DONE, YOU DO IT YOURSELF.
THAT'S WHAT STARTED
THIS COMPANY.
THAT'S WHAT STARTED
THIS COUNTRY.
THAT'S IT. HEY.
WE'LL HELP YOU BUILD IT.
I DON'T THINK WE
OUGHT TO TELL WILLIE.
NO.
THIS IS GONNA HAVE TO
BE A COVERT OPERATION.
AS SOON AS HE
LEAVES, WE'LL START.
WE'LL BUILD IT AND ASK
FOR FORGIVENESS LATER.
LET'S DO IT.
IN THE ARMY, THEY
CALL THAT INITIATIVE.
YUP.
GO ON THE OFFENSE.
THEN I'M GONNA CLOSE THE DOOR
IN HIS FACE AND SAY, "I'M BUSY."
TELL HIM I'M BUSY.
DON'T BOTHER ME RIGHT NOW.
HI.
WHATEVER YOU'RE MAD
ABOUT, I DIDN'T DO IT.
I'M NOT MAD.
OH.
NO, YOU DOING GOOD.
HEY, LOOK, KORIE'S OUT OF TOWN,
AND I GOT ROPED INTO THE PETTING
ZOO WITH MISS KAY.
SO HELP ME OUT.
I NEED Y'ALL TO MAKE SURE
YOU GET THE STUFF DONE.
HAVE FUN AT THE PETTING ZOO.
GO TO THE PETTING ZOO, YOU DOG.
ANYBODY WANT TO TRADE WITH ME?
NO, YOU'RE GOOD.
HAVE FUN AT THE ZOO.
THIS IS PERFECT.
HE'S GONE, I SAY LET
THE BUILDING BEGIN.
WELL, WHAT ARE WE WAITING ON?
WELCOME TO THE WARDEN'S OFFICE.
I'M THINKING RIGHT HERE.
WE GOT A WALL.
WE GOT A DOOR.
ALL WE GOT TO DO
IS BUILD THREE WALLS.
IF A BUNCH OF EGYPTIANS
COULD BUILD PYRAMIDS WITH NO
EQUIPMENT, I THINK I CAN TAKE
THREE GROWN MEN AND BUILD AN
OFFICE IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS.
SI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
SI'S MEASURING.
16 FEET.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU WERE
PRACTICING FOR A FIELD SOBRIETY
TEST OR SOMETHING.
HEY, DO ME A FAVOR.
WHAT?
TOUCH YOUR NOSE LIKE
THIS AND STAND ON ONE LEG.
NO, I CAN'T DO IT.
OH. WHAT'S IN THAT CUP?
EASY, BOY. EASY.
ARE YOU SOBER?
SURE, I'M SOBER.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO
NAIL YOUR OWN FOOT.
OH, LOOK AT ALL OF 'EM.
I LOVE ANIMALS.
I PROBABLY HAD OVER MY
CHILDHOOD ABOUT 50 CATS, 25 DOGS.
THE MOST UNUSUAL ONE I EVER
HAD WOULD BE THE NUTRIA RAT.
HE ONE DAY DECIDED TO BITE
MY LEG, AND HE WAS GONE.
WILLIE, YOU NEVER MILKED
A COW?
NOT REGULARLY.
JUST SQUEEZE AND PULL DOWN.
LET'S SEE HERE.
THAT'S QUITE THE TEAT.
OH.
I DON'T MIND SPENDING TIME WITH
MY FAMILY.
I LOVE DOING THAT.
BUT WHEN I'M GONE FROM THE
WAREHOUSE, NOTHING GETS DONE.
BRING IT ON HERE, GODWIN.
EASY.
UNLOAD!
I CAN BUILD ANYTHING.
I MEAN, LOOK, IF A BEAVER
CAN BUILD A HOUSE, I THINK I CAN
BUILD AN OFFICE.
I'M LIKING IT ALREADY.
WHEN YOU GROW UP WITH YOUR
BROTHERS, YOU KNOW JUST THE
RIGHT BUTTON TO
PUSH TO SEND 'EM OFF.
THIS RIGHT HERE, BUILDING THIS
OFFICE, IT'S GONNA PUSH WILLIE'S
BUTTON.
IT'LL BE FOURTH OF JULY AROUND
THERE FOR A COUPLE DAYS.
BOTTLE ROCKETS.
SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
THE ONLY WAY IN AND OUT OF
HERE IS THROUGH WILLIE'S OFFICE?
YOU ARE CORRECT.
WILLIE IS MY BROTHER.
I USED TO SLEEP IN THE
SAME BED WITH THAT JOKER.
THAT'S UNFORTUNATE.
OH, I KNOW.
I MEAN, I'VE SEEN
THAT BOY WET THE BED.
YOU KNOW WHAT I SAW
WILLIE DO ONE TIME?
I SAW HIM, WHEN HE WAS A KID,
LAYING DOWN, AND HE WAS PEEING
AT AN ARC, AND IT WAHITTING
HIM RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED GOATS.
HA.
IN MY OPINION, YOU'RE NOT A
PROPER WOMAN IF YOU DON'T HAVE
A GOAT OR TWO.
I REALLY, REALLY WANT A GOAT.
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A FENCE.
WELL, YOU CAN BUILD A PEN.
OKAY, HOW MUCH LONGER?
WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.
I'M NOT LEAVING
HERE WITHOUT A GOAT.
I'M SERIOUS.
HEY, IF I GET YOU A
GOAT, CAN WE JUST LEAVE?
YEAH, BUT MORE
THAN ONE OF COURSE.
ARE THESE GOATS FOR SALE?
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.
I'LL GIVE YOU $100.
$100 WOULDN'T BUY THE
HORNS OFF OF ONE OF 'EM.
I'LL TAKE $1,000 AND
YOU CARRY 'EM WITH YOU.
THEY'LL FIT JUST RIGHT IN
THE BACK OF YOUR ESCALADE.
NO.
WILLIE, IT'S JUST A CAR.
THAT'S A $70,000 CAR.
I'M NOT PUTTING
GOATS IN THE BACK OF IT.
I WANT THE GOATS.
I WANT THE GOATS.
I AIN'T PUTTING NO GOATS IN
THE BACK OF THAT ESCALADE, I'M
GONNA TELL YOU THAT RIGHT NOW.
AAH! THEY'RE EATING MY PANTS!
OKAY, THIS IS THE DUMBEST
IDEA YOU'VE EVER HAD.
WELL, ONCE WE GET 'EM
HOME, THEY'LL BE FINE.
KAY, DON'T LET THOSE
GOATS CRAP BACK THERE.
POOP POOP.
OH, GOODNESS.
BRING IT ON IN.
A LITTLE MORE?
HOLD. HOLD RIGHT THERE.
HEY, HEY, WHOA.
WHEN I SAID I WANTED A NEW
OFFICE, I GOT ONE OF THESE.
SO I'M TAKING IT UPON MYSELF
TO BUILD MY OWN OFFICE.
AND GUESS WHAT?
I'M GONNA BUILD IT
RIGHT BESIDE THE BOSS.
DOWN. DOWN.
NO, YOUR OTHER DOWN.
THERE YOU... OH, OH.
OKAY, I'M OUT OF HERE.
I GOT THE BEST SEAT IN
THE HOUSE RIGHT HERE, BOY.
I DIDN'T ASK THEM TO HELP ME
'CAUSE I THINK THEY'RE SMART.
I BASICALLY NEED LIVE
BODIES WITH A HEARTBEAT.
INTELLIGENCE IS OPTIONAL.
YOU GOT ME BACKED INTO ONE SPOT.
NOBODY MOVED THE LADDER THERE.
YOU SAID PUT IT RIGHT THERE
WHERE YOU WERE STANDING.
HEY, YOU GOT TO BE MORE PACIFIC.
PACIFIC OR SPECIFIC?
SI, THE PACIFIC IS AN OCEAN.
YEAH.
NO, WE AIN'T TALKING ABOUT
NO ATLANTIC AND PACIFIC HERE.
HOW DID YOU
GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL?
HE DIDN'T.
YOU BE MORE ATLANTIC, 'CAUSE
MARTIN'S GONNA BE MORE PACIFIC.
AND I'LL BE THE INDIAN.
YOU KNOW, I GET TO TALKING
FAST, AND THEY HAVE A HARD TIME
UNDERSTANDING ME.
THEY JUST NEED TO THINK FASTER.
ARE WE GONNA BUILD THIS ROOF,
OR ARE WE GONNA PLAY WITH OCEANS
ALL AFTERNOON?
THAT WAY THEY CAN
KEEP UP WITH MY VOICE.
WHO BROUGHT OCEANS
UP TO BEGIN WITH?
YEAH, THEY'RE DROPPING
BOMB-BOMBS ALL OVER YOUR SEAT.
WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
DROP, DROP, DROP.
EVERYWHERE.
IT'S JUST LIKE A GUM
MACHINE WITH POOP IN IT.
THEY'RE CRAPPING EVERYWHERE,
I HATE TO TELL YOU THAT.
THESE GOATS, THEY'RE
LIKE FOUR-LEGGED DEVILS.
I MEAN, THEY'RE PEEING,
THEY'RE POOPING, THEY'RE DOING
EVERYTHING THEY CAN
DO TO DESTROY THIS CAR.
HEY. HEY, HEY, HEY.
HEY, GET IN BACK.
I CAN'T DRIVE.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I DIDN'T
WANT TO GET THESE GOATS.
WHOO.
THE OBJECT IS TO HIT IT ON
THE HEAD.
GO STRAIGHT UP.
LET ME SEE.
OH, GOOD NIGHT.
I THINK WILLIE'S GONNA BE
HAPPY THAT I'VE BUILT THIS OFFICE
RIGHT BESIDE HIM.
I'M GONNA TELL YOU, IT'S
AMAZING, WHEN I GET A BUNCH OF
REDNECKS TOGETHER,
WHAT WE CAN ACCOMPLISH.
REDNECK INGENUITY.
THEY'RE GENIUSES SOMETIMES.
JASE?
YEAH.
HERE'S MY CONTRIBUTION TO YOU.
SAY HELLO TO MY
LITTLE FRIEND GEORGE.
WELL, I APPRECIATE THAT.
NOW YOU GOT TO TREAT
GEORGE RIGHT NOW.
OLD GEORGE THE BEAVER,
HE'S BEEN WITH ME FOR ABOUT
20-SOME-ODD YEARS.
THAT WAS LIKE LOSING
ONE OF MY CHILDREN.
DON'T PLAY WITH MY
BEAVER TOO MUCH.
HEY, HE DON'T LIKE IT.
COLE, MAN, WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT THAT CRAWFISHING, SON?
IT'S GOOD EATING.
AUT ONE OF THE BEST EATING
THINGS THERE IS ON THE FACE OF
THE EARTH.
SEE, THERE'S A FEMALE.
THERE'S HER LITTLE... HER
LITTLE VAGINA, AS THEY CALL IT.
RIGHT THERE.
SEE THE MALE RIGHT HERE?
THERE'S HIS, AS THEY SAY
IN THE BUSINESS, DINGDONG.
HE PUTS IT RIGHT UP IN THERE.
TAKES TWO TO TANGO.
DOWN HERE IN THE SOUTH, YOU
EXPLAIN THE BIRDS AND BEES TO
YOUR GRANDSON VIA THE CRAWFISH.
CRAWFISH HAVE
DINGDONGS AND VAGINAS.
IT'S A GOOD THING TO POINT TO
AND SAY, "KIDS, CHECK THAT OUT."
THEY'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
THEM LITTLE YUPPIE GIRLS,
THEY DON'T EVEN LIKE CRAWFISH.
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN
MAKE IT SIMPLE FOR HER.
ON YOUR FIRST DATE, YOU CAN SAY,
"WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT CRAWFISH?"
AND IF SHE SAYS, "OOH, AY, AY,"
JUST GO AHEAD AND DUMP HER OUT.
BUT THE KIND YOU WANT
IS LIKE YOUR GRANDMA.
SEE, WHEN I WALKED OUT THE
DOOR, I LOOKED OVER THERE ON THE
CABINET, SHE'S MAKING DOUGH.
NOW WHEN THEY MAKING DOUGH FOR
THE CRAWFISH PIE BEFORE YOU HAVE
GONE TO RUN THE TRAPS,
WHAT'S THAT TELL YOU?
SHE'S CONFIDENT IN YOU.
THAT'S A NICE WAY OF SAYING IT.
YOU EDUCATED, BOY.
YOU MAKE STRAIGHT As, DON'T YOU?
THROW THAT SACK IN THE TRUCK.
LINDA, CAN YOU BRING
ME THAT FILE ON...
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
THIS IS THE NEW
OFFICIAL OASIS OF JASE.
YOU BUILT AN OFFICE?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
JASE IS THINKING.
HE HAD TO HAVE WORKED HARDER
BUILDING THIS LITTLE OFFICE THAN
HE'S WORKED FOR ME IN TEN YEARS.
THAT'S MY DOOR.
THAT'S OUR DOOR.
DUDE, YOU'VE CROSSED THE LINE.
HEY, WILLIE.
WILLIE.
JASE, THE PEOPLE IN THESE
OFFICES DON'T TALK TO EACH OTHER
THEY WORK QUIETLY
OR THEY SEND EMAILS.
I LOVE WORKING NEXT TO WILLIE.
THIS IS GOING BACK
TO OUR CHILDHOOD.
WE HAD ONE ROOM, ALL THE
BROTHERS, AND WE PLAYED GAMES
ALL NIGHT AND BUILT
FORTS, PLAYED ARMY.
DID YOU EVER FIGURE OUT
HOW TO MAKE THAT GUACAMOLE?
SHUT UP AND WORK.
MAN, I LIKE THAT STUFF.
ALTHOUGH THEY WEREN'T
ALWAYS GOOD TIMES.
THERE'S NOTHING WORSE THAN
WAKING UP AND REALIZING THAT
YOU'RE IN YOUR BROTHER'S URINE.
HEY, YOU KNOW
THIS OLD FROG I GOT?
HE WON'T COME OUT
FROM UNDER THAT ROCK.
JASE, I DON'T CARE
ABOUT THE FROG.
HEY, WILLIE.
WHAT YOU DOING?
JASE HAS TOTALLY
REDEFINED THE TERM A.D.D.
HE'S A.D.D.D.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT IT, MR. BEAVER?
HE CAN'T SHUT UP.
HEY, WILLIE. WILLIE.
HEY, WILLIE.
I JUST HAD AN IDEA.
OH, THERE IT WENT.
YUP.
WELL, THOSE GOATS
ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY.
I TOLD YOU NOT TO BUY 'EM.
MOM, I CAN'T COME
GET THOSE GOATS.
MA, I...
GOOD, YOU'RE HERE.
YOU WOULD NOT
BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED.
KAY, THESE GOATS ARE FINE.
NO, THEY ATE MY AZALEAS, AND
THEY'RE TEARING UP EVERYTHING.
THEY EVEN GOT
THE KIDS' BABY DOLL.
YOU GOT TO TAKE 'EM TODAY,
BECAUSE THEY'RE GONNA GET EATEN.
JUST KEEP 'EM TEMPORARY
TILL WE CAN GET A PEN BUILT.
KAY, I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS.
THIS IS PART OF THE
FAMILY BUSINESS.
NO, THIS AIN'T PART OF
THE FAMILY BUSINESS.
YES, IT'S MY BUSINESS,
AND YOU'RE MY SON.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO
DO WITH A BUNCH OF GOATS?
THIS AIN'T GOAT COMMANDER.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M
SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE
THINGS.
WELL, YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
YOU'RE SMART.
THERE THEY GO.
SAY, "BYE, GOATS."
KORIE, IT WAS NOT MY IDEA.
I PUT 'EM IN WILL'S BATHROOM.
IT'S THE PERFECT PLACE.
THEY'RE IN THERE,
THEY'RE DOING GOAT STUFF.
THEY CAN POOP IN THERE, THEY CAN
PEE IN THERE, THEY CAN
DRINK OUT THE TOILET.
THEY'RE, LIKE, HARMLESS.
YEAH.
NO... YEAH.
I'M GONNA HAVE IT WORKED OUT BY
THE TIME YOU GET BACK TOMORROW.
LET ME CALL YOU BACK.
ALL RIGHT, BYE.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
OH, NO.
WHOOP. NO, NO, NO.
SONS OF SATAN, COME ON.
AH, YOU POOPED
ALL OVER THE FLOOR.
COME ON.
GOOD MORNING, WILLIE.
HEY, LINDA.
JASE.
JASE.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I DIDN'T
WANT TO GIVE JASE AN OFFICE IN
THE FIRST PLACE.
I MEAN, WHEN IT COMES TO THIS
COMPANY, JASE, HE COULD CARE
LESS.
I'M GOING HUNTING.
Y'ALL FIGURE IT OUT.
BUT THEN AGAIN SOMETIMES
JASE'S ABSENCE IS BETTER THAN HIS
PRESENCE.
COME OVER TO THE OFFICE
AND, YEAH, BRING THE TRUCK.
LOAD THIS SUCKER UP AND GET IT
OUT OF HERE.
AIN'T HE GONNA BE MAD?
I COULD CARE LESS IF HE'S MAD.
MM-MM.
"MM-HMM" IS RIGHT.
JASE HAS BEEN GREAT HIS WHOLE
LIFE AT COMING UP WITH STUPID
PLANS.
AND I'VE BECOME EVEN BETTER
AT TOTALLY DISMANTLING THEM.
LET'S LET HER RIP.
YUP, THERE GOES THE C.O.O.
OH, MY.
YOU KNOW WHAT MY HOBBY IS?
PISSING JASE OFF.
EASY.
SO WHAT WAS IT LIKE
GETTING THESE EVERY DAY?
I THINK THEN I WAS
GETTING ABOUT $20 A SACK.
THAT WAS BIG MONEY.
NOW I SELL ONE DUCK
CALL FOR 20 BUCKS.
LIFE WAS GOOD BACK IN THE '60s.
EVERYBODY WAS HAPPY, HAPPY.
HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY.
20 BUCKS AIN'T WHAT IT
USED TO BE, THAT'S FOR SURE.
THAT'S JUST LITTLE STUFF YOU
CAN PICK OUT AND EAT WHILE YOU'RE
EATIN' YOUR CRAWFISH.
YOU KNOW, EAT YOUR LITTLE CORN
AND, WHAT'S THAT, A MUSHROOM?
THERE'S A POTATO.
GIVE ME SOME MORE CRAWFISH.
YOU EAT A LOT OF THESE, COLE,
YOU'LL MOVE BACKWARD AS FAST AS
YOU CAN FORWARD.
WHAT ABOUT IT?
ABOUT TIME YOU SHOWED UP.
THERE WAS A BUILDING
HERE, AND IT'S GONE.
IT'S LIKE IT VANISHED.
WHERE'S MY OFFICE?
SOMETHING HAPPEN TO IT?
YOU DEMOLISHED IT?
I RELOCATED IT.
WHERE DID YOU MOVE IT?
COME ON.
I'LL SHOW YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU SHOWING?
REMEMBER I TOLD YOU
ABOUT THOSE GOATS?
JUST WAIT.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
THAT'S MY OFFICE.
IT WAS YOUR OFFICE.
HERSHEY KISSES
OFFICE.ND THERE YOU GO.
YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
THIS IS JUST STUPID.
I CANNOT BELIEVE
YOU WOULD DO THIS.
OH, RIGHT ON YOUR DESK.
THAT'S TWO OF YOUR
COWORKERS NOW.
YOU GOT MY DUCK CALLS LAYING
ALL OVER THE DARNED FLOOR.
THAT'S GOT GOAT PEE ON IT.
I JUST KILLED TWO
BIRDS WITH ONE STONE.
KAY GETS HER GOAT PEN, AND
JASE DOESN'T HAVE TO TALK TO HIS
STUFFED BEAVER ANYMORE.
YOU CAN BLOW DUCK CALLS AS
LOUD AS YOU WANT, AND YOU GOT
COMPANY.
OH, I HAD SOMEBODY TO TALK TO.
MY FROG. WHERE'S MY FROG?
IT'S ONE THING TO
MESS WITH MY OFFICE.
BUT IT'S ANOTHER THING
TO MESS WITH MY FROG.
I HAD BONDED WITH THAT FROG.
WE HAD BECOME BEST FRIENDS.
HEY, HEY.
THERE WE GO.
LOOK, THAT'S THE
ENEMY RIGHT THERE.
OH, MAN.
KAY, THERE'S YOUR GOAT PEN.
YOU LIKE IT?
PERFECT.
I BUILT THIS AS AN OFFICE.
WELL, THANK YOU, JASE.
YOU WON'T EVEN HAVE TO GET ME
A CHRISTMAS PRESENT THIS YEAR.
IT'S JUST A PERFECT THING
TO DO FOR YOUR MOTHER.
YOU KNOW I CAN NEVER DRINK
COFFEE OUT OF THAT POT AGAIN.
COME ON, LET'S GO AND
EAT SOME CRAWFISH.
AND THEN YOU CAN GET OVER IT.
QUIT POOPING OVER EVERYTHING!
FATHER, WE THANK YOU FOR
THESE CRAWFISH THAT
YOU PROVIDED FOR US.
YOU FILL THE WOODS AND WATER
WITH PLENTY OF THINGS THAT ARE
GREAT TO EAT.
AMEN.
LET'S GET IN ON THEM MUD BUGS.
IN LIFE, WE ALL WANT THINGS,
LIKE AN OFFICE OR CRAWFISH
OR SOMETIMES EVEN GOATS.
USUALLY, WHAT WE
WANT ISN'T WHAT WE NEED.
IN OUR CASE, PHIL GOT WHAT WE
NEEDED, MISS KAY GOT WHAT SHE
WANTED, AND JASE, WELL, HE GOT
WHAT NOBODY WANTS OR NEEDS...
GOAT PEE.
SERVES HIM RIGHT FOR WETTING
THE BED AND BLAMING ME ALL THOSE
YEARS.
SHUT UP!