Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 1, Episode 4 - Frog in One - full transcript
TIMES ARE HARD FOR THE DUCK PEN.
SLOW DAYS IN DUCK HUNTING,
THAT'S JUST GONNA HAPPEN.
YEAH, I TELL 'EM STORIES, JUST
LIKE WHEN I WAS IN VIETNAM.
YOU KNOW, YOU GOTTA DO
SOMETHIN' MAKE THE TIME PASS.
A TRAPPER.
YOU'VE GOT A WOLVERINE IN
THE TRAP, AND YOU SHOOT THIS...
WOLVERINE IN THE HEAD.
WELL, UNBEKNOWN TO HIM,
THERE'S A BABY WOLVERINE
WATCHIN' THIS.
THERE'S AN ART TO STORYTELLIN'.
YOU GOTTA HAVE A GOOD PUNCH
LINE OR SOMETHIN' TO SPICE IT UP
A LITTLE BIT.
IT CAN'T JUST BE A BLAND STORY.
HEY, THAT BABY WOLVERINE GROWS
UP AND DECLARES WAR ON THIS
SUCKER.
SOME OF SI'S STORIES YOU
COULD LABEL AS "SI-ENCE"
FICTION.
THE SCARY PART IS, I
THINK SI BELIEVES THEM.
HE COMES IN AND JUST
RANSACKS HIS CABIN.
HE JUST PISSES ON
EVERYTHING IN THE CABIN.
THAT'S "SI-FI" ALL THE WAY.
THAT'S THE TRUTH.
ALL OF MY STORIES,
THEY'RE 95% TRUTHFUL.
NO WAY.
WOLVES CHASING HIM,
BURNING HIS SHOES UP.
MY TENNIS SHOES
DIDN'T CATCH ON FIRE.
THEY DID GET HOT.
BIG BUCK DEER, THE SIZE OF ELKS.
THAT STORY WAS TRUE,
EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT.
WOLVERINE STORIES.
I SAW THAT ON TELEVISION,
SO I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S A LONG LIST OF SI-ENCE
FICTION, BUT THEY'RE PRETTY FUN
TO LISTEN TO.
HEY, I DON'T REALLY CARE
IF THEY BELIEVE ME OR NOT.
WHEN THEY'RE LAUGHING, THEY
AIN'T A BUNCH OF SOURPUSSES.
WHEN YOU GONNA TAKE ME TO
WHEN YOU GONNA TAKE ME TO
WHEN YOU GONNA TAKE ME TO
THAT FINE COUNTRY CLUB YOU AT?
LOOKIN' LIKE THAT?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN'
ABOUT, "LOOKIN' LIKE THAT"?
I DON'T THINK YOU'RE
COUNTRY CLUB MATERIAL, SON.
YOU DEAD.
OH...
HOOKED THAT ONE.
THEY GOT A DRESS
CODE UP THERE, SON.
LOOK AT YOU.
YOU LOOK LIKE THEY LET CHARLES
MANSON OUT, BUT HE WENT HUNTING.
I'M LOOKING AT HIM, AND ALL I
SEE IS THE SAME BEARD, THE SAME
HAIR.
THE ONLY DIFFERENCE...
IS HE'S 50 POUNDS HEAVIER.
COME ON.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I'LL GO OUT THERE AND
PLAY YOU $50 A HOLE.
MR. COUNTRY CLUB MATERIAL.
I'VE SEEN YOU PLAY.
YOU'RE NOT GOOD.
I GUARANTEE YOU I CAN HIT THE
BALL AS GOOD AS YOU OUT THERE.
HA! I CAN'T DO IT TODAY.
I GOT CAREER DAY
OUT AT THE SCHOOL.
REALLY?
I GOTTA GO TELL THE KIDS
HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL.
WHY DON'T YOU LET
SI AND PHIL DO IT?
I MEAN, I TOLD
KORIE I WAS GOING.
WHAT ABOUT $100 A HOLE?
$100 A HOLE?
I DON'T KNOW IF I
CAN PASS THAT UP.
JASE AND I ARE THE MOST
COMPETITIVE GUYS EVER.
IF YOU CAN RACE IT, RUN IT,
TRY TO WIN IT, TRY TO EAT IT,
WE'RE GONNA BE COMPETING.
HEY, PHIL AND SI!
Both: YEAH?
CAN Y'ALL GO DO CAREER DAY?
NO.
NO, WE'RE GOING DUCK
HUNTING THIS EVENING.
IT'S IN THE AFTERNOON.
YOU GOT PLENTY OF TIME.
30 MINUTES, IN AND OUT.
WE CAN DO THAT.
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT, BIG BOY.
GO TO THE ATM MACHINE.
MAKE IT 100s.
BINGO.
HI.
PHIL ROBERTSON.
WILLIE ROBERTSON SENT
US FOR YOUR CAREER DAY.
WONDERFUL.
OH, I'M GON' TEACH THE KIDS A
WHOLE LOT OF THINGS THEY CAN'T
LEARN IN SCHOOL.
WE DON'T NEED A WORLD
FULL OF STRAIGHT "A" STUDENTS.
I'M AN OLD "C"
AVERAGE MAN MYSELF.
SI'S PROBABLY A "C" MINUS.
WE'LL HAVE YOU GO DOWN THIS
HALL, GO TO THE SECOND SET OF
DOUBLE DOORS, FIRST DOOR ON
YOUR RIGHT, AND YOU AND I WILL GO
INTO THE LIBRARY.
THANKS.
THANK YOU.
I AM READY TO PLAY
SOME SOPHISTICATED GOLF.
MM-HMM.
HUNDRED BUCKS A HOLE.
YOU SURE YOU WANNA DO THIS?
OH, MY GOODNESS.
I'LL TAKE IT.
ALL RIGHT, WE'RE OFF.
THINKIN' ABOUT WHAT I'M
GONNA DO WITH THAT $100 A HOLE.
OKAY.
HEY!
IT'S LITTLE RIGHT.
HE JUST THINKS, SHOWING
UP, OH, HE'S GOT THIS WON.
HE LOOKS UP, BEFORE YOU KNOW
IT, HE'S DIGGING INTO HIS WALLET.
LET'S MAKE IT $50 A HOLE.
NO! COME ON, WE MADE THE BET.
I CAN'T PLAY WITH THE WIND
BLOWIN' LIKE THIS, AND LEAVES.
I CAN'T CONCENTRATE ON THE BALL.
NOPE, THAT'S NOT GOING IN.
BIRDIE PUTT.
BOOM!
WHEN YOU'RE ON, YOU'RE
ON, AND TODAY, I'M ON.
WHERE'S MY $100?
I MEAN, ANYBODY
CAN GET LUCKY ONCE.
THOUGHT THIS
WOULD BE EASY MONEY.
LOOKIN' GOOD FOR OL' JASE.
ALL RIGHT, CHILDREN, WE HAVE
OUR NEXT VISITOR FOR CAREER DAY.
THIS IS SI ROBERTSON, AND WE'RE
SO EXCITED TO HAVE HIM HERE.
WANT YOU TO PUT YOUR LISTENING
EARS ON, AND GIVE HIM A HAND.
I'M FIXIN' TO TEACH THESE
KIDS THAT, HEY, SOMEBODY PAID
THE PRICE FOR THEIR FREEDOM.
HAVE Y'ALL EVER HEARD
OF THE TERM "'NAM"?
THERE WAS A WAR IN VIETNAM
THAT WE WAS INVOLVED IN.
THE AMERICANS
AND THE VIETNAMESE.
OKAY? DOES ANYBODY KNOW
HOW MANY PEOPLE DIED?
SEE, Y'ALL THINK THE FRIED
CHICKEN PLACES WILL ALWAYS BE
THERE.
YOU JUST PULL UP AND SAY,
"HEY, GIVE ME A MCDONALD'S."
WHAT IF THERE ARE NO MCDONALD'S?
YOU CAN SURVIVE
AND EAT PRETTY GOOD.
THIS IS FOOD.
I'M GONNA SHOW YOU
HOW TO PREPARE IT.
BOY, THIS DUCK BE FAT.
I WONDER WHY HE'S SO FAT.
I WANT YOU TO
LOOK HOW BIG THIS IS.
LO AND BEHOLD, LOOK
WHAT'S IN HIS CRAW.
IT'S AN ACORN.
YOU SURE YOU AIN'T
BEEN PRACTICIN'?
I BEEN PRACTICIN' IN MY MIND.
OH, MY GOODNESS.
AWW!
OH, CRAP.
BOOM! THANK YOU.
WILLIE'S MONEY IS SWEETER
THAN ANY OTHER MONEY I KNOW OF.
WHOO! WHOO!
HAS A CERTAIN AROMA TO IT.
AGH!
OH!
NAH, IT'S... IT'S GONE.
WHOA, THERE'S A LOT OF FROGS
SWIMMING AROUND
YOUR BALL, WILLIE.
I HAVE FOUND THE FROG HEAVEN.
WHEN YOU HAVE EATEN AS MANY
FROGS AS I HAVE, ALL YOU WANNA
DO IS JUST EAT MORE OF 'EM.
THERE'S VERY FEW THINGS
THAT TURN ME ON... IN LIFE.
THAT TURNS ME ON.
NOW, WATCH. SEE RIGHT HERE?
SO THERE GOES HIS WING.
THE DUCK'S HEAD HAS
NOW BEEN REMOVED.
OOH, A LITTLE BLOODY.
THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS THEY
CAN LEARN FROM AN OLD GUY LIKE ME
THAT WOULD BE VERY HELPFUL.
HOW DO YOU CATCH SOMETHING
IN THE WOODS AND EAT IT?
THEY NEED TO KNOW THAT.
I'M GONNA PUSH DOWN
WITH THIS FINGER.
AND I'M GRABBING UP IN
THERE, AND ONE, TWO, THREE...
OH, GOSH.
THAT CONCLUDES MY LITTLE
SESSION WITH YOU, KIDS.
IT WAS... IT WAS
A... WHAT CAN I SAY?
IT WAS AWESOME.
PEOPLE GOT SHOT UP.
THE MEDIC WAS RUNNING
AROUND, FIXING THEM ALL UP.
PROPPED THIS GUY AGAINST A TREE.
HE HAD A SHOULDER WOUND.
STOPPED THE BLEEDING.
THERE'S A BENGAL TIGER, GRABBED
THIS GUY HE JUST BANDAGED,
DRAGGIN' HIM OFF.
THEY GOTTA KILL THE TIGER, AND
THERE AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT BLOOD
SPRAYIN' EVERYWHERE.
UH, I THINK THAT'LL
BE JUST FINE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.
GOOD DAY.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
I DON'T THINK IT COULD
HAVE GONE ANY BETTER.
SOME OF THEM MAY WAKE UP AT
NIGHT, YOU KNOW, WITH NIGHTMARES
OVER IT.
BUT THAT MAY NOT BE A BAD THING.
I DON'T REMEMBER HAVING NO
CAREER DAY AT... WHERE WE WAS AT
IN HIGH SCHOOL.
WE WAS TOO BUSY WORKING.
I WOULD SAY CAREER DAY
WAS A ROARING SUCCESS.
WE TAUGHT 'EM ABOUT LIFE.
WE TAUGHT 'EM ABOUT DEATH.
WE TAUGHT 'EM ABOUT FOOD.
GREAT JOB.
HEY.
THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA, KORIE.
YEAH, THIS IS REALLY NICE.
OH, OUCH.
OH, THAT JUST HURTS.
I'VE GOT TENDER
TOES, APPARENTLY.
I TOLD JASE HE NEEDS TO COME
AND GET ONE DONE ONE TIME.
DO YOU THINK HE'D
ACTUALLY DO IT?
YEAH, JUST WOULDN'T
TELL ANYBODY.
WE SHOULD GET PHILIP HERE.
YOU'D HAVE TO PAY EXTRA.
I WOULD FEEL SORRY FOR
THE PERSON WORKING ON PHIL.
THAT'S THE NASTIEST
FEET I'VE EVER SEEN.
YEAH.
HELLO?
YEAH, HEY, I'M GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU?
WHAT?
WAIT, WHERE WAS WILLIE?
WAS WILLIE THERE?
WILLIE DIDN'T GO TO CAREER DAY.
WHEN YOU'VE GOT A
DUCK, THERE IS BLOODSHED.
OH, NO.
BUT PEOPLE DON'T USUALLY
DO THAT IN THE CLASSROOM.
IN THE CLASSROOM?
I REMOVED THE GIZZARD FROM
THE INTESTINES, AND THAT'S WHEN
MOST OF THE LITTLE
GIRLS BEGAN TO SQUEAL.
PHIL, WE'RE NOT IN
THE PIONEER DAYS.
I THINK THERE'S A WHOLE LOT
WORSE THINGS GOING ON IN THIS
WORLD THAN PICKING A
DUCK AND DRESSING HIM.
MAYBE IT'S JUST ME.
HEY, WE WAS TRYING TO
ENLIGHTEN THESE CITY SLICKERS.
WHAT DID YOU DO, SI?
I TOLD THEM ABOUT VIETNAM.
YOU TOLD FOURTH
GRADERS ABOUT VIETNAM?
ABOUT THE WAR, YEAH.
THESE ARE THE GUYS YOU
NEED TO TALK TO ABOUT THAT.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH Y'ALL?
KORIE'S GOT TWO LOOKS.
NORMALLY HAPPY...
AND THEN ANGRY.
AND, BELIEVE ME, WHEN SHE'S
ANGRY, IT'S ALL OVER HER FACE.
DIDN'T YOU HAVE A
PRIOR OBLIGATION TODAY?
MM-MMM.
I... WE... I SUBBED THAT OUT.
THAT WASN'T SOMETHING
YOU CAN JUST SUB OUT.
I TOOK CARE OF IT.
YOU TOOK CARE BY SENDING
YOUR DAD AND UNCLE.
EXACTLY.
AND THEY TALKED ABOUT VIETNAM
AND CUT OFF DUCK'S HEADS.
IN FRONT OF EIGHTH-GRADE GIRLS.
Y'ALL WERE SUPPOSED TO
GO TALK ABOUT OUR CAREER.
WE DONE WHAT WE WAS TOLD.
DON'T... HEY, DON'T BLAME US.
I DON'T KNOW WHY
KORIE'S SO MAD ANYWAY.
IT'S NOT LIKE I SENT TWO CREEPY,
STRANGE MEN DOWN TO SCHOOL.
I REMOVED THE GIZZARD
FROM THE INTESTINES AND SAID,
"THIS WOULD BE A GIZZARD."
WELL, HEY. YOU KNOW.
OKAY... SHE DOES HAVE A POINT.
BUT THEY'RE STILL FAMILY.
WHEN YOU SAY YOU'RE GONNA
DO YOUR CHILD'S CAREER DAY,
YOU SHOULD BE THERE.
YOU SHOULDN'T JUST PAWN
IT OFF TO SOMEBODY ELSE.
Y'ALL SHUCKED
YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT I
WAS SUPPOSED TO DO IT.
I JUST THOUGHT IT
NEEDED TO GET DONE.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
TWO GROWN MEN MADE A
BAD... WELL, THEY'RE GONE.
WELL...
WELL...
HMM. I KNEW WE SHOULD'VE
GONE DUCK HUNTING.
YOU STILL MAD?
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU DID THAT.
I REALLY CANNOT BELIEVE IT.
I SENT REPLACEMENTS.
YOU MADE A COMMITMENT
TO YOUR KIDS.
THEY WERE EXPECTING THEIR DADDY.
NOBODY CAN REPLACE THAT.
AND YOU JUST BLEW
IT OFF FOR GOLF.
YOU GET AROUND YOUR BROTHERS
AND Y'ALL JUST START GOOFIN' OFF.
YOU ACT LIKE THE ROBERTSON
MEN CAN JUST GO DO ANYTHING.
HEY, WE DO A LOT OF WORK.
YOU WANNA BUILD DUCK CALLS?
I... I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT...
GET BACK THERE AND DO IT.
YOU GO DO IT.
I'M TALKING ABOUT SHOWING
UP FOR YOUR COMMITMENTS.
IT'S HARD FOR ME TO TAKE
KORIE SERIOUSLY WHEN SHE'S MAD,
BECAUSE I THINK SHE'S
CUTE WHEN SHE'S MAD.
SHE'S ALL MAD AND
ACTING LIKE, "I'M MAD."
IT'S FUNNY.
EVERY TIME YOU GET AROUND
JASE, YOU START ACTING JUST LIKE
HIM... IMMATURE
AND IRRESPONSIBLE.
HA!
JASE ISN'T IRRESPONSIBLE.
I CAN'T SEE NOTHIN'.
AND THIS IS THE HOLE
I'M TELLING YOU ABOUT.
SINCE PLAYING GOLF, THE
FROGS HAVE NEVER LEFT MY MIND.
WHEN YOU RUN UP ON A FROG
HAVEN OF THIS MAGNITUDE, OH, YOU'LL
SEE THAT THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
OVER HERE?
I HIT THE GOLF BALL IN HERE,
AND WHEN I LOOKED AROUND,
I SAID, "OH, MY GOODNESS.
THIS IS THE FROG PROMISED LAND."
THESE FROGS HAVE NO IDEA.
GOOD NIGHT.
I HAVE ASSEMBLED THE
FROG CATCHIN' DREAM TEAM.
MY DAD PHIL, MY UNCLE SI,
AND OL' BIG JOHNNY GODWIN.
WE FIXIN' TO TEAR THEIR
TAIL OFF ON THIS ONE.
BOYS, WE ARE IN BUSINESS.
BINGO.
IT'S JUST NOT IN
MY NATURE TO MISS.
FROG CATCHING IS THE MOST FUN
A HUMAN BEING CAN HAVE WHILE ON
THE EARTH.
LOOK AT THE LEGS ON THAT THING.
THAT IS GONNA BE
SOME FINE EATIN'.
FROGS ARE A DEFINITE DELICACY.
SAUTEED UP IN A LITTLE OLIVE
OIL AND A LITTLE BUTTER, WITH A
LITTLE SEASONING ON THEM.
WE'D PRETTY WELL
PULL OUT ALL STOPS.
THERE AIN'T NOTHING FINER
THAN RICH FROG LEGS, TAKEN OFF
OF A FINE GOLF COURSE.
AIN'T NOTHIN' SWEETER.
THERE'S ONE RIGHT THERE.
YEAH, YOU GOT HIM, JASE.
EASY, EASY, SI.
HEY, DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING?
YEAH.
WHAT'S THAT?
WHAT WAS IT?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHEN I SEE BRIGHT LIGHTS
COMING AT A DISTANCE AT A PRETTY
GOOD SPEED, I'M GONE.
WILL YOU TURN THE LIGHT OFF?
TURN THE LIGHT OFF.
WHAT Y'ALL DOING DOWN HERE?
Y'ALL CAN'T BE DOWN HERE.
OH, NO.
WILLIE, THE POINT IS THIS.
NEXT TIME YOU HAVE A COMMITMENT
TO OUR KIDS, I'M JUST ASKING
THAT YOU DO IT... YOU FOLLOW
THROUGH WITH IT AND DON'T GO
RUNNING OFF WITH YOUR
IRRESPONSIBLE BROTHERS.
KORIE'S BEEN GRIPING
ME OUT FOR TWO HOURS.
I MEAN, I FIND THAT, IN THESE
SITUATIONS, THE BEST THING TO DO
IS START REPAIRING THE DAMAGE.
WELL, THAT'S NOT THE WAY I
SAW IT, BUT I SEE YOUR POINT.
OKAY, THAT'S ALL I'M TRYING
TO SAY IN THIS WHOLE THING.
YEAH.
OH, MY GOODNESS. ALL RIGHT.
WHAT?
SOME DAYS JUST REFUSE TO END.
AND THIS IS ONE OF THOSE DAYS.
I GOTTA GO.
IT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME THAT
SOMEONE WOULD ACTUALLY BE
MONITORING, YOU KNOW,
A GOLF COURSE AT NIGHT.
WELL, THIS IS A NICE FACILITY.
YEAH, IT IS.
IT'S A VERY NICE FACILITY.
I DON'T PANIC WHEN I'M DETAINED.
I WANT TO TRY TO CONVERT THIS
SECURITY GUARD TO THE WAYS OF
FROG CATCHING AND FROG EATING.
Y'ALL REALLY EAT THOSE THINGS?
OHH! THEY'RE A DELICACY.
YOU FRY THAT THING UP, HUH?
YOU EAT THE WHOLE THING.
HOW MANY OF 'EM ARE
DOWN THERE LIKE THAT?
OH, IT'S FULL OF 'EM.
WAIT, WAIT. THERE HE GOES.
OHH.
WELL, HE JUST... HE
JUST PEED ON ME.
YEAH.
HOW YOU DOING, SIR?
I'M PRETTY SURE THAT NO OTHER
MEMBERS HAVE HAD THEIR FAMILY
MEMBERS SNEAK ON THE COURSE
AND TRY TO TAKE A BUNCH OF FROGS.
BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S TYPICAL.
IT'S WHAT I'VE COME TO EXPECT.
SORRY ABOUT THIS AGAIN.
MEN.
MIGHT OUGHTA... FROG PEE.
MIGHT OUGHTA DO THAT.
YEAH. HE PEED ON MY HAND.
ALL RIGHT, OFFICER.
APPRECIATE IT.
WELL, WE GOT OUT OF THAT.
"WE" GOT OUT OF THAT?
YEAH. HEY, NO HARM, NO FOUL.
"WE" DIDN'T DO CRAP.
I DROVE UP HERE AND
GOT Y'ALL OUT OF THAT.
I MEAN, LIGHTEN UP.
LIGHTEN UP?
YOU COMIN' UP HERE GETTIN'
THESE FROGS IS STUPID AND DUMB.
AND IF I WASN'T A MEMBER,
THEY'D HAVE TAKEN YOU TO JAIL.
YOU SHOULD BE
LAUGHIN' ABOUT THIS.
YOU DON'T REMEMBER ALL THE TIMES
WE WOULD GO DOWN TO HARRISON'S
POND AND CATCH ALL
THE FISH AND THE FROGS?
WE WERE 12!
YOU'VE LOST YOUR EDGE
IS WHAT'S HAPPENED.
I'M MATURE NOW!
I HAVE A JOB.
I HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES.
WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
NOW, ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU DONE
GOT SOPHISTICATED, AND YOU THINK
YOU'RE BETTER THAN US.
WE HUNT FROGS AND EAT 'EM.
ANY OTHER TIME, YOU'D HAVE
BEEN RIGHT THERE WITH US, WILL.
WILL IS GOING THROUGH
AN IDENTITY CRISIS.
HE'S DONE FORGOT WHO HE IS.
THE BOY'S A ROBERTSON THROUGH
AND THROUGH, AND THESE ARE FAT
BULLFROGS THAT NEED TO BE
PICKED UP AND THEN FRIED UP!
I WAS SHOCKED WHEN I SAW
THE YELLOW LIGHT COME ON.
AND HERE COME THE...
A SECURITY GUARD.
WHAT ARE THEY GUARDIN'?
GOLF BALLS?
PHIL WAS WITH US.
WHERE IS HE?
DON'T WORRY ABOUT PHIL.
HE'S BEEN IN THE
WOODS ALL HIS LIFE.
WHEN SECURITY COMES...
EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF.
IT'S EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF.
AND THE GOOD POINT IS, HEY,
HE HAD ABOUT 40 FROGS IN A SACK.
HEY. HEY.
40 FROGS.
THESE GUYS ARE LIKE A
BUNCH OF IMMATURE CHILDREN.
THEY JUST WON'T GROW UP.
LET'S GO.
HEY, BLAME THIS ON YOUR MAMA.
SHE AIN'T HERE!
WELL, SHE LOVES BULLFROG LEGS!
WHAT CAN WE SAY?
OHH, Y'ALL ARE SO STUPID.
HEY, BOYS, HEY.
THERE'S PHIL, RIGHT UP YONDER.
WHAT?
THERE HE IS.
LOOK AT HIM.
PHIL, YOU A LONG WAYS FROM
HOME.
PHIL CAN NAVIGATE
THROUGH ANY WOODS.
YOU CAN DROP HIM OFF AND, HEY,
HE'LL FIND HIS WAY OUT OF THERE.
HE GOT A SIXTH SENSE
ABOUT IT, I'M TELLING YOU.
COME ON IN HERE.
WHEW!
I'M GETTIN' TOO OLD FOR THAT.
BUT, I MEAN, I'M GLAD
YOU HAD THE FROGS.
OH, I GOT THE FROGS,
BUT GOOD 9/11, BOYS.
WHO WAS THAT? SOME KIND
OF... THEY HAD A SECURITY GUARD.
IT WAS A SECURITY GUARD.
HA!
HUH?
YEAH, I'M IN A BIND OVER IT.
WELL, I AIN'T NEVER SEEN SUCH
A RUCKUS OVER ONE LITTLE FROG
HUMP.
WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS, ANYWAY?
I GUESS IT WAS MINE.
JASE IS LIKE THE THORN IN MY
SIDE THAT DOES NOT GO AWAY.
IT'S LIKE HIM GETTING ME IN
TROUBLE OVER CAREER DAY WASN'T
ENOUGH FOR HIM.
SOMETIMES, I'M JUST WONDERING
IF JASE IS JUST TRYING TO SABOTAGE
MY LIFE.
WILLIE'S WORRIED
ABOUT HIS REPUTATION.
HIS REDNECK BLOOD IS THINNING.
TOO MANY BOARD MEETINGS.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY BROTHER?
EITHER BE PROUD OF WHO YOU
ARE OR SHAVE THAT STUFF OFF YOUR
FACE AND BUY YOU
A THREE-PIECE SUIT.
YOU FORGOT WHAT IT'S
LIKE TO BE A REDNECK.
YOU THINK I LOST MY REDNECK?
YEAH, YOU'RE SLIPPING.
HOW 'BOUT THIS?
OH, GOLLY!
UH-OH.
OH, YOU DON'T THINK I'M A
REDNECK?
I'M FIXIN' TO GO CRAZY
REDNECK UP IN HERE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
SPIN THEM TIRES, WILLIE!
LET 'ER RIP, BOY! LET 'ER RIP!
YEE-HAW! WHOO!
YOU AIN'T A REDNECK
UNLESS YOU OFF THE ROAD!
HE'S BACK, JASE!
HE'S BACK!
UH-OH.
UH-OH.
WELL, GET OUT
AND TRY TO PUSH IT.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.
GIVE IT SOME GAS, WILLIE!
JUST WHEN I THOUGHT WE HAD LOST
WILLIE, THAT LITTLE REDNECK
MAN INSIDE OF HIM BURST FORTH.
PUSH!
IT AIN'T GOIN' NOWHERE.
IT AIN'T MOVIN'.
YOU DRIVE DOWN THE HIGHWAY
AND YOU LOOK OUT IN THE FIELD
AND YOU SEE A TRUCK OUT
THERE, YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.
LIBERATION.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU
DO IN A CASE LIKE THIS?
YOU WALK.
DON'T FORGET THE FROGS.
I GOT THE FROGS.
WHERE YOU GOIN'?
IT AIN'T GONNA COME
OUT, YOU REDNECK IDIOT.
HANG ON, I GOT MY SLIPPERS ON.
PUT YOUR SLIPPERS ON?
YOU GUYS WOKE ME UP.
THAT'S EMBARRASSING.
I THOUGHT I RAISED THEM BOYS
WITH MORE SENSE THAN THAT.
OH, DON'T YOU LOOK PRETTY?
SHUT UP.
HEY.
HERE'S ANOTHER ONE, SON.
COME ON.
UH-OH. UHH! PFFT!
THE CEO IS DOWN!
YOU GOT YOUR REDNECK
CITIZENSHIP BACK.
FATHER, WE THANK YOU FOR
ANOTHER DAY.
WE THANK YOU ESPECIALLY
FOR THESE FROGS.
I WILL ADMIT, FATHER, THESE
WERE RATHER HARD EARNED.
WE'RE ALIVE ON PLANET EARTH
ONE MORE DAY, AND FOR THAT WE ARE
GRATEFUL.
AMEN.
All: AMEN.
LET'S EAT.
DIG IN.
EVERY ACTION IN LIFE
BEGINS WITH A DECISION, AND
UNFORTUNATELY, WE DON'T
ALWAYS MAKE THE BEST ONES.
I'VE LEARNED THE HARD WAY THAT,
SOMETIMES, YOU JUST HAVE TO MAN
UP AND APOLOGIZE
FOR MISTAKES MADE.
BUT OTHER TIMES, I'VE LEARNED
YOU HAVE TO LET LOOSE IN ORDER
TO BE TIGHTER WITH
THOSE YOU LOVE.
WILLIE, DON'T FORGET...
PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCES ARE
NEXT WEEK.
JEP, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING NEXT WEEK?
WILLIE.
SLOW DAYS IN DUCK HUNTING,
THAT'S JUST GONNA HAPPEN.
YEAH, I TELL 'EM STORIES, JUST
LIKE WHEN I WAS IN VIETNAM.
YOU KNOW, YOU GOTTA DO
SOMETHIN' MAKE THE TIME PASS.
A TRAPPER.
YOU'VE GOT A WOLVERINE IN
THE TRAP, AND YOU SHOOT THIS...
WOLVERINE IN THE HEAD.
WELL, UNBEKNOWN TO HIM,
THERE'S A BABY WOLVERINE
WATCHIN' THIS.
THERE'S AN ART TO STORYTELLIN'.
YOU GOTTA HAVE A GOOD PUNCH
LINE OR SOMETHIN' TO SPICE IT UP
A LITTLE BIT.
IT CAN'T JUST BE A BLAND STORY.
HEY, THAT BABY WOLVERINE GROWS
UP AND DECLARES WAR ON THIS
SUCKER.
SOME OF SI'S STORIES YOU
COULD LABEL AS "SI-ENCE"
FICTION.
THE SCARY PART IS, I
THINK SI BELIEVES THEM.
HE COMES IN AND JUST
RANSACKS HIS CABIN.
HE JUST PISSES ON
EVERYTHING IN THE CABIN.
THAT'S "SI-FI" ALL THE WAY.
THAT'S THE TRUTH.
ALL OF MY STORIES,
THEY'RE 95% TRUTHFUL.
NO WAY.
WOLVES CHASING HIM,
BURNING HIS SHOES UP.
MY TENNIS SHOES
DIDN'T CATCH ON FIRE.
THEY DID GET HOT.
BIG BUCK DEER, THE SIZE OF ELKS.
THAT STORY WAS TRUE,
EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT.
WOLVERINE STORIES.
I SAW THAT ON TELEVISION,
SO I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S A LONG LIST OF SI-ENCE
FICTION, BUT THEY'RE PRETTY FUN
TO LISTEN TO.
HEY, I DON'T REALLY CARE
IF THEY BELIEVE ME OR NOT.
WHEN THEY'RE LAUGHING, THEY
AIN'T A BUNCH OF SOURPUSSES.
WHEN YOU GONNA TAKE ME TO
WHEN YOU GONNA TAKE ME TO
WHEN YOU GONNA TAKE ME TO
THAT FINE COUNTRY CLUB YOU AT?
LOOKIN' LIKE THAT?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN'
ABOUT, "LOOKIN' LIKE THAT"?
I DON'T THINK YOU'RE
COUNTRY CLUB MATERIAL, SON.
YOU DEAD.
OH...
HOOKED THAT ONE.
THEY GOT A DRESS
CODE UP THERE, SON.
LOOK AT YOU.
YOU LOOK LIKE THEY LET CHARLES
MANSON OUT, BUT HE WENT HUNTING.
I'M LOOKING AT HIM, AND ALL I
SEE IS THE SAME BEARD, THE SAME
HAIR.
THE ONLY DIFFERENCE...
IS HE'S 50 POUNDS HEAVIER.
COME ON.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I'LL GO OUT THERE AND
PLAY YOU $50 A HOLE.
MR. COUNTRY CLUB MATERIAL.
I'VE SEEN YOU PLAY.
YOU'RE NOT GOOD.
I GUARANTEE YOU I CAN HIT THE
BALL AS GOOD AS YOU OUT THERE.
HA! I CAN'T DO IT TODAY.
I GOT CAREER DAY
OUT AT THE SCHOOL.
REALLY?
I GOTTA GO TELL THE KIDS
HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL.
WHY DON'T YOU LET
SI AND PHIL DO IT?
I MEAN, I TOLD
KORIE I WAS GOING.
WHAT ABOUT $100 A HOLE?
$100 A HOLE?
I DON'T KNOW IF I
CAN PASS THAT UP.
JASE AND I ARE THE MOST
COMPETITIVE GUYS EVER.
IF YOU CAN RACE IT, RUN IT,
TRY TO WIN IT, TRY TO EAT IT,
WE'RE GONNA BE COMPETING.
HEY, PHIL AND SI!
Both: YEAH?
CAN Y'ALL GO DO CAREER DAY?
NO.
NO, WE'RE GOING DUCK
HUNTING THIS EVENING.
IT'S IN THE AFTERNOON.
YOU GOT PLENTY OF TIME.
30 MINUTES, IN AND OUT.
WE CAN DO THAT.
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT, BIG BOY.
GO TO THE ATM MACHINE.
MAKE IT 100s.
BINGO.
HI.
PHIL ROBERTSON.
WILLIE ROBERTSON SENT
US FOR YOUR CAREER DAY.
WONDERFUL.
OH, I'M GON' TEACH THE KIDS A
WHOLE LOT OF THINGS THEY CAN'T
LEARN IN SCHOOL.
WE DON'T NEED A WORLD
FULL OF STRAIGHT "A" STUDENTS.
I'M AN OLD "C"
AVERAGE MAN MYSELF.
SI'S PROBABLY A "C" MINUS.
WE'LL HAVE YOU GO DOWN THIS
HALL, GO TO THE SECOND SET OF
DOUBLE DOORS, FIRST DOOR ON
YOUR RIGHT, AND YOU AND I WILL GO
INTO THE LIBRARY.
THANKS.
THANK YOU.
I AM READY TO PLAY
SOME SOPHISTICATED GOLF.
MM-HMM.
HUNDRED BUCKS A HOLE.
YOU SURE YOU WANNA DO THIS?
OH, MY GOODNESS.
I'LL TAKE IT.
ALL RIGHT, WE'RE OFF.
THINKIN' ABOUT WHAT I'M
GONNA DO WITH THAT $100 A HOLE.
OKAY.
HEY!
IT'S LITTLE RIGHT.
HE JUST THINKS, SHOWING
UP, OH, HE'S GOT THIS WON.
HE LOOKS UP, BEFORE YOU KNOW
IT, HE'S DIGGING INTO HIS WALLET.
LET'S MAKE IT $50 A HOLE.
NO! COME ON, WE MADE THE BET.
I CAN'T PLAY WITH THE WIND
BLOWIN' LIKE THIS, AND LEAVES.
I CAN'T CONCENTRATE ON THE BALL.
NOPE, THAT'S NOT GOING IN.
BIRDIE PUTT.
BOOM!
WHEN YOU'RE ON, YOU'RE
ON, AND TODAY, I'M ON.
WHERE'S MY $100?
I MEAN, ANYBODY
CAN GET LUCKY ONCE.
THOUGHT THIS
WOULD BE EASY MONEY.
LOOKIN' GOOD FOR OL' JASE.
ALL RIGHT, CHILDREN, WE HAVE
OUR NEXT VISITOR FOR CAREER DAY.
THIS IS SI ROBERTSON, AND WE'RE
SO EXCITED TO HAVE HIM HERE.
WANT YOU TO PUT YOUR LISTENING
EARS ON, AND GIVE HIM A HAND.
I'M FIXIN' TO TEACH THESE
KIDS THAT, HEY, SOMEBODY PAID
THE PRICE FOR THEIR FREEDOM.
HAVE Y'ALL EVER HEARD
OF THE TERM "'NAM"?
THERE WAS A WAR IN VIETNAM
THAT WE WAS INVOLVED IN.
THE AMERICANS
AND THE VIETNAMESE.
OKAY? DOES ANYBODY KNOW
HOW MANY PEOPLE DIED?
SEE, Y'ALL THINK THE FRIED
CHICKEN PLACES WILL ALWAYS BE
THERE.
YOU JUST PULL UP AND SAY,
"HEY, GIVE ME A MCDONALD'S."
WHAT IF THERE ARE NO MCDONALD'S?
YOU CAN SURVIVE
AND EAT PRETTY GOOD.
THIS IS FOOD.
I'M GONNA SHOW YOU
HOW TO PREPARE IT.
BOY, THIS DUCK BE FAT.
I WONDER WHY HE'S SO FAT.
I WANT YOU TO
LOOK HOW BIG THIS IS.
LO AND BEHOLD, LOOK
WHAT'S IN HIS CRAW.
IT'S AN ACORN.
YOU SURE YOU AIN'T
BEEN PRACTICIN'?
I BEEN PRACTICIN' IN MY MIND.
OH, MY GOODNESS.
AWW!
OH, CRAP.
BOOM! THANK YOU.
WILLIE'S MONEY IS SWEETER
THAN ANY OTHER MONEY I KNOW OF.
WHOO! WHOO!
HAS A CERTAIN AROMA TO IT.
AGH!
OH!
NAH, IT'S... IT'S GONE.
WHOA, THERE'S A LOT OF FROGS
SWIMMING AROUND
YOUR BALL, WILLIE.
I HAVE FOUND THE FROG HEAVEN.
WHEN YOU HAVE EATEN AS MANY
FROGS AS I HAVE, ALL YOU WANNA
DO IS JUST EAT MORE OF 'EM.
THERE'S VERY FEW THINGS
THAT TURN ME ON... IN LIFE.
THAT TURNS ME ON.
NOW, WATCH. SEE RIGHT HERE?
SO THERE GOES HIS WING.
THE DUCK'S HEAD HAS
NOW BEEN REMOVED.
OOH, A LITTLE BLOODY.
THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS THEY
CAN LEARN FROM AN OLD GUY LIKE ME
THAT WOULD BE VERY HELPFUL.
HOW DO YOU CATCH SOMETHING
IN THE WOODS AND EAT IT?
THEY NEED TO KNOW THAT.
I'M GONNA PUSH DOWN
WITH THIS FINGER.
AND I'M GRABBING UP IN
THERE, AND ONE, TWO, THREE...
OH, GOSH.
THAT CONCLUDES MY LITTLE
SESSION WITH YOU, KIDS.
IT WAS... IT WAS
A... WHAT CAN I SAY?
IT WAS AWESOME.
PEOPLE GOT SHOT UP.
THE MEDIC WAS RUNNING
AROUND, FIXING THEM ALL UP.
PROPPED THIS GUY AGAINST A TREE.
HE HAD A SHOULDER WOUND.
STOPPED THE BLEEDING.
THERE'S A BENGAL TIGER, GRABBED
THIS GUY HE JUST BANDAGED,
DRAGGIN' HIM OFF.
THEY GOTTA KILL THE TIGER, AND
THERE AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT BLOOD
SPRAYIN' EVERYWHERE.
UH, I THINK THAT'LL
BE JUST FINE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.
GOOD DAY.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
I DON'T THINK IT COULD
HAVE GONE ANY BETTER.
SOME OF THEM MAY WAKE UP AT
NIGHT, YOU KNOW, WITH NIGHTMARES
OVER IT.
BUT THAT MAY NOT BE A BAD THING.
I DON'T REMEMBER HAVING NO
CAREER DAY AT... WHERE WE WAS AT
IN HIGH SCHOOL.
WE WAS TOO BUSY WORKING.
I WOULD SAY CAREER DAY
WAS A ROARING SUCCESS.
WE TAUGHT 'EM ABOUT LIFE.
WE TAUGHT 'EM ABOUT DEATH.
WE TAUGHT 'EM ABOUT FOOD.
GREAT JOB.
HEY.
THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA, KORIE.
YEAH, THIS IS REALLY NICE.
OH, OUCH.
OH, THAT JUST HURTS.
I'VE GOT TENDER
TOES, APPARENTLY.
I TOLD JASE HE NEEDS TO COME
AND GET ONE DONE ONE TIME.
DO YOU THINK HE'D
ACTUALLY DO IT?
YEAH, JUST WOULDN'T
TELL ANYBODY.
WE SHOULD GET PHILIP HERE.
YOU'D HAVE TO PAY EXTRA.
I WOULD FEEL SORRY FOR
THE PERSON WORKING ON PHIL.
THAT'S THE NASTIEST
FEET I'VE EVER SEEN.
YEAH.
HELLO?
YEAH, HEY, I'M GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU?
WHAT?
WAIT, WHERE WAS WILLIE?
WAS WILLIE THERE?
WILLIE DIDN'T GO TO CAREER DAY.
WHEN YOU'VE GOT A
DUCK, THERE IS BLOODSHED.
OH, NO.
BUT PEOPLE DON'T USUALLY
DO THAT IN THE CLASSROOM.
IN THE CLASSROOM?
I REMOVED THE GIZZARD FROM
THE INTESTINES, AND THAT'S WHEN
MOST OF THE LITTLE
GIRLS BEGAN TO SQUEAL.
PHIL, WE'RE NOT IN
THE PIONEER DAYS.
I THINK THERE'S A WHOLE LOT
WORSE THINGS GOING ON IN THIS
WORLD THAN PICKING A
DUCK AND DRESSING HIM.
MAYBE IT'S JUST ME.
HEY, WE WAS TRYING TO
ENLIGHTEN THESE CITY SLICKERS.
WHAT DID YOU DO, SI?
I TOLD THEM ABOUT VIETNAM.
YOU TOLD FOURTH
GRADERS ABOUT VIETNAM?
ABOUT THE WAR, YEAH.
THESE ARE THE GUYS YOU
NEED TO TALK TO ABOUT THAT.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH Y'ALL?
KORIE'S GOT TWO LOOKS.
NORMALLY HAPPY...
AND THEN ANGRY.
AND, BELIEVE ME, WHEN SHE'S
ANGRY, IT'S ALL OVER HER FACE.
DIDN'T YOU HAVE A
PRIOR OBLIGATION TODAY?
MM-MMM.
I... WE... I SUBBED THAT OUT.
THAT WASN'T SOMETHING
YOU CAN JUST SUB OUT.
I TOOK CARE OF IT.
YOU TOOK CARE BY SENDING
YOUR DAD AND UNCLE.
EXACTLY.
AND THEY TALKED ABOUT VIETNAM
AND CUT OFF DUCK'S HEADS.
IN FRONT OF EIGHTH-GRADE GIRLS.
Y'ALL WERE SUPPOSED TO
GO TALK ABOUT OUR CAREER.
WE DONE WHAT WE WAS TOLD.
DON'T... HEY, DON'T BLAME US.
I DON'T KNOW WHY
KORIE'S SO MAD ANYWAY.
IT'S NOT LIKE I SENT TWO CREEPY,
STRANGE MEN DOWN TO SCHOOL.
I REMOVED THE GIZZARD
FROM THE INTESTINES AND SAID,
"THIS WOULD BE A GIZZARD."
WELL, HEY. YOU KNOW.
OKAY... SHE DOES HAVE A POINT.
BUT THEY'RE STILL FAMILY.
WHEN YOU SAY YOU'RE GONNA
DO YOUR CHILD'S CAREER DAY,
YOU SHOULD BE THERE.
YOU SHOULDN'T JUST PAWN
IT OFF TO SOMEBODY ELSE.
Y'ALL SHUCKED
YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT I
WAS SUPPOSED TO DO IT.
I JUST THOUGHT IT
NEEDED TO GET DONE.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
TWO GROWN MEN MADE A
BAD... WELL, THEY'RE GONE.
WELL...
WELL...
HMM. I KNEW WE SHOULD'VE
GONE DUCK HUNTING.
YOU STILL MAD?
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU DID THAT.
I REALLY CANNOT BELIEVE IT.
I SENT REPLACEMENTS.
YOU MADE A COMMITMENT
TO YOUR KIDS.
THEY WERE EXPECTING THEIR DADDY.
NOBODY CAN REPLACE THAT.
AND YOU JUST BLEW
IT OFF FOR GOLF.
YOU GET AROUND YOUR BROTHERS
AND Y'ALL JUST START GOOFIN' OFF.
YOU ACT LIKE THE ROBERTSON
MEN CAN JUST GO DO ANYTHING.
HEY, WE DO A LOT OF WORK.
YOU WANNA BUILD DUCK CALLS?
I... I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT...
GET BACK THERE AND DO IT.
YOU GO DO IT.
I'M TALKING ABOUT SHOWING
UP FOR YOUR COMMITMENTS.
IT'S HARD FOR ME TO TAKE
KORIE SERIOUSLY WHEN SHE'S MAD,
BECAUSE I THINK SHE'S
CUTE WHEN SHE'S MAD.
SHE'S ALL MAD AND
ACTING LIKE, "I'M MAD."
IT'S FUNNY.
EVERY TIME YOU GET AROUND
JASE, YOU START ACTING JUST LIKE
HIM... IMMATURE
AND IRRESPONSIBLE.
HA!
JASE ISN'T IRRESPONSIBLE.
I CAN'T SEE NOTHIN'.
AND THIS IS THE HOLE
I'M TELLING YOU ABOUT.
SINCE PLAYING GOLF, THE
FROGS HAVE NEVER LEFT MY MIND.
WHEN YOU RUN UP ON A FROG
HAVEN OF THIS MAGNITUDE, OH, YOU'LL
SEE THAT THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
OVER HERE?
I HIT THE GOLF BALL IN HERE,
AND WHEN I LOOKED AROUND,
I SAID, "OH, MY GOODNESS.
THIS IS THE FROG PROMISED LAND."
THESE FROGS HAVE NO IDEA.
GOOD NIGHT.
I HAVE ASSEMBLED THE
FROG CATCHIN' DREAM TEAM.
MY DAD PHIL, MY UNCLE SI,
AND OL' BIG JOHNNY GODWIN.
WE FIXIN' TO TEAR THEIR
TAIL OFF ON THIS ONE.
BOYS, WE ARE IN BUSINESS.
BINGO.
IT'S JUST NOT IN
MY NATURE TO MISS.
FROG CATCHING IS THE MOST FUN
A HUMAN BEING CAN HAVE WHILE ON
THE EARTH.
LOOK AT THE LEGS ON THAT THING.
THAT IS GONNA BE
SOME FINE EATIN'.
FROGS ARE A DEFINITE DELICACY.
SAUTEED UP IN A LITTLE OLIVE
OIL AND A LITTLE BUTTER, WITH A
LITTLE SEASONING ON THEM.
WE'D PRETTY WELL
PULL OUT ALL STOPS.
THERE AIN'T NOTHING FINER
THAN RICH FROG LEGS, TAKEN OFF
OF A FINE GOLF COURSE.
AIN'T NOTHIN' SWEETER.
THERE'S ONE RIGHT THERE.
YEAH, YOU GOT HIM, JASE.
EASY, EASY, SI.
HEY, DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING?
YEAH.
WHAT'S THAT?
WHAT WAS IT?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHEN I SEE BRIGHT LIGHTS
COMING AT A DISTANCE AT A PRETTY
GOOD SPEED, I'M GONE.
WILL YOU TURN THE LIGHT OFF?
TURN THE LIGHT OFF.
WHAT Y'ALL DOING DOWN HERE?
Y'ALL CAN'T BE DOWN HERE.
OH, NO.
WILLIE, THE POINT IS THIS.
NEXT TIME YOU HAVE A COMMITMENT
TO OUR KIDS, I'M JUST ASKING
THAT YOU DO IT... YOU FOLLOW
THROUGH WITH IT AND DON'T GO
RUNNING OFF WITH YOUR
IRRESPONSIBLE BROTHERS.
KORIE'S BEEN GRIPING
ME OUT FOR TWO HOURS.
I MEAN, I FIND THAT, IN THESE
SITUATIONS, THE BEST THING TO DO
IS START REPAIRING THE DAMAGE.
WELL, THAT'S NOT THE WAY I
SAW IT, BUT I SEE YOUR POINT.
OKAY, THAT'S ALL I'M TRYING
TO SAY IN THIS WHOLE THING.
YEAH.
OH, MY GOODNESS. ALL RIGHT.
WHAT?
SOME DAYS JUST REFUSE TO END.
AND THIS IS ONE OF THOSE DAYS.
I GOTTA GO.
IT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME THAT
SOMEONE WOULD ACTUALLY BE
MONITORING, YOU KNOW,
A GOLF COURSE AT NIGHT.
WELL, THIS IS A NICE FACILITY.
YEAH, IT IS.
IT'S A VERY NICE FACILITY.
I DON'T PANIC WHEN I'M DETAINED.
I WANT TO TRY TO CONVERT THIS
SECURITY GUARD TO THE WAYS OF
FROG CATCHING AND FROG EATING.
Y'ALL REALLY EAT THOSE THINGS?
OHH! THEY'RE A DELICACY.
YOU FRY THAT THING UP, HUH?
YOU EAT THE WHOLE THING.
HOW MANY OF 'EM ARE
DOWN THERE LIKE THAT?
OH, IT'S FULL OF 'EM.
WAIT, WAIT. THERE HE GOES.
OHH.
WELL, HE JUST... HE
JUST PEED ON ME.
YEAH.
HOW YOU DOING, SIR?
I'M PRETTY SURE THAT NO OTHER
MEMBERS HAVE HAD THEIR FAMILY
MEMBERS SNEAK ON THE COURSE
AND TRY TO TAKE A BUNCH OF FROGS.
BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S TYPICAL.
IT'S WHAT I'VE COME TO EXPECT.
SORRY ABOUT THIS AGAIN.
MEN.
MIGHT OUGHTA... FROG PEE.
MIGHT OUGHTA DO THAT.
YEAH. HE PEED ON MY HAND.
ALL RIGHT, OFFICER.
APPRECIATE IT.
WELL, WE GOT OUT OF THAT.
"WE" GOT OUT OF THAT?
YEAH. HEY, NO HARM, NO FOUL.
"WE" DIDN'T DO CRAP.
I DROVE UP HERE AND
GOT Y'ALL OUT OF THAT.
I MEAN, LIGHTEN UP.
LIGHTEN UP?
YOU COMIN' UP HERE GETTIN'
THESE FROGS IS STUPID AND DUMB.
AND IF I WASN'T A MEMBER,
THEY'D HAVE TAKEN YOU TO JAIL.
YOU SHOULD BE
LAUGHIN' ABOUT THIS.
YOU DON'T REMEMBER ALL THE TIMES
WE WOULD GO DOWN TO HARRISON'S
POND AND CATCH ALL
THE FISH AND THE FROGS?
WE WERE 12!
YOU'VE LOST YOUR EDGE
IS WHAT'S HAPPENED.
I'M MATURE NOW!
I HAVE A JOB.
I HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES.
WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
NOW, ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU DONE
GOT SOPHISTICATED, AND YOU THINK
YOU'RE BETTER THAN US.
WE HUNT FROGS AND EAT 'EM.
ANY OTHER TIME, YOU'D HAVE
BEEN RIGHT THERE WITH US, WILL.
WILL IS GOING THROUGH
AN IDENTITY CRISIS.
HE'S DONE FORGOT WHO HE IS.
THE BOY'S A ROBERTSON THROUGH
AND THROUGH, AND THESE ARE FAT
BULLFROGS THAT NEED TO BE
PICKED UP AND THEN FRIED UP!
I WAS SHOCKED WHEN I SAW
THE YELLOW LIGHT COME ON.
AND HERE COME THE...
A SECURITY GUARD.
WHAT ARE THEY GUARDIN'?
GOLF BALLS?
PHIL WAS WITH US.
WHERE IS HE?
DON'T WORRY ABOUT PHIL.
HE'S BEEN IN THE
WOODS ALL HIS LIFE.
WHEN SECURITY COMES...
EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF.
IT'S EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF.
AND THE GOOD POINT IS, HEY,
HE HAD ABOUT 40 FROGS IN A SACK.
HEY. HEY.
40 FROGS.
THESE GUYS ARE LIKE A
BUNCH OF IMMATURE CHILDREN.
THEY JUST WON'T GROW UP.
LET'S GO.
HEY, BLAME THIS ON YOUR MAMA.
SHE AIN'T HERE!
WELL, SHE LOVES BULLFROG LEGS!
WHAT CAN WE SAY?
OHH, Y'ALL ARE SO STUPID.
HEY, BOYS, HEY.
THERE'S PHIL, RIGHT UP YONDER.
WHAT?
THERE HE IS.
LOOK AT HIM.
PHIL, YOU A LONG WAYS FROM
HOME.
PHIL CAN NAVIGATE
THROUGH ANY WOODS.
YOU CAN DROP HIM OFF AND, HEY,
HE'LL FIND HIS WAY OUT OF THERE.
HE GOT A SIXTH SENSE
ABOUT IT, I'M TELLING YOU.
COME ON IN HERE.
WHEW!
I'M GETTIN' TOO OLD FOR THAT.
BUT, I MEAN, I'M GLAD
YOU HAD THE FROGS.
OH, I GOT THE FROGS,
BUT GOOD 9/11, BOYS.
WHO WAS THAT? SOME KIND
OF... THEY HAD A SECURITY GUARD.
IT WAS A SECURITY GUARD.
HA!
HUH?
YEAH, I'M IN A BIND OVER IT.
WELL, I AIN'T NEVER SEEN SUCH
A RUCKUS OVER ONE LITTLE FROG
HUMP.
WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS, ANYWAY?
I GUESS IT WAS MINE.
JASE IS LIKE THE THORN IN MY
SIDE THAT DOES NOT GO AWAY.
IT'S LIKE HIM GETTING ME IN
TROUBLE OVER CAREER DAY WASN'T
ENOUGH FOR HIM.
SOMETIMES, I'M JUST WONDERING
IF JASE IS JUST TRYING TO SABOTAGE
MY LIFE.
WILLIE'S WORRIED
ABOUT HIS REPUTATION.
HIS REDNECK BLOOD IS THINNING.
TOO MANY BOARD MEETINGS.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY BROTHER?
EITHER BE PROUD OF WHO YOU
ARE OR SHAVE THAT STUFF OFF YOUR
FACE AND BUY YOU
A THREE-PIECE SUIT.
YOU FORGOT WHAT IT'S
LIKE TO BE A REDNECK.
YOU THINK I LOST MY REDNECK?
YEAH, YOU'RE SLIPPING.
HOW 'BOUT THIS?
OH, GOLLY!
UH-OH.
OH, YOU DON'T THINK I'M A
REDNECK?
I'M FIXIN' TO GO CRAZY
REDNECK UP IN HERE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
SPIN THEM TIRES, WILLIE!
LET 'ER RIP, BOY! LET 'ER RIP!
YEE-HAW! WHOO!
YOU AIN'T A REDNECK
UNLESS YOU OFF THE ROAD!
HE'S BACK, JASE!
HE'S BACK!
UH-OH.
UH-OH.
WELL, GET OUT
AND TRY TO PUSH IT.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.
GIVE IT SOME GAS, WILLIE!
JUST WHEN I THOUGHT WE HAD LOST
WILLIE, THAT LITTLE REDNECK
MAN INSIDE OF HIM BURST FORTH.
PUSH!
IT AIN'T GOIN' NOWHERE.
IT AIN'T MOVIN'.
YOU DRIVE DOWN THE HIGHWAY
AND YOU LOOK OUT IN THE FIELD
AND YOU SEE A TRUCK OUT
THERE, YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.
LIBERATION.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU
DO IN A CASE LIKE THIS?
YOU WALK.
DON'T FORGET THE FROGS.
I GOT THE FROGS.
WHERE YOU GOIN'?
IT AIN'T GONNA COME
OUT, YOU REDNECK IDIOT.
HANG ON, I GOT MY SLIPPERS ON.
PUT YOUR SLIPPERS ON?
YOU GUYS WOKE ME UP.
THAT'S EMBARRASSING.
I THOUGHT I RAISED THEM BOYS
WITH MORE SENSE THAN THAT.
OH, DON'T YOU LOOK PRETTY?
SHUT UP.
HEY.
HERE'S ANOTHER ONE, SON.
COME ON.
UH-OH. UHH! PFFT!
THE CEO IS DOWN!
YOU GOT YOUR REDNECK
CITIZENSHIP BACK.
FATHER, WE THANK YOU FOR
ANOTHER DAY.
WE THANK YOU ESPECIALLY
FOR THESE FROGS.
I WILL ADMIT, FATHER, THESE
WERE RATHER HARD EARNED.
WE'RE ALIVE ON PLANET EARTH
ONE MORE DAY, AND FOR THAT WE ARE
GRATEFUL.
AMEN.
All: AMEN.
LET'S EAT.
DIG IN.
EVERY ACTION IN LIFE
BEGINS WITH A DECISION, AND
UNFORTUNATELY, WE DON'T
ALWAYS MAKE THE BEST ONES.
I'VE LEARNED THE HARD WAY THAT,
SOMETIMES, YOU JUST HAVE TO MAN
UP AND APOLOGIZE
FOR MISTAKES MADE.
BUT OTHER TIMES, I'VE LEARNED
YOU HAVE TO LET LOOSE IN ORDER
TO BE TIGHTER WITH
THOSE YOU LOVE.
WILLIE, DON'T FORGET...
PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCES ARE
NEXT WEEK.
JEP, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING NEXT WEEK?
WILLIE.