Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 1, Episode 11 - Daddy's Got a Gun - full transcript
SO WHERE ARE THESE LOGS WE'RE
LOOKING FOR?
HUH?
WHERE ARE THE LOGS WE'RE
LOOKING FOR?
THEY'RE ON UP THE CREEK.
TODAY, I TOOK MISS KAY TO FIND
SOME FINE CYPRESS LOGS FOR MY
DUCK BLINDS.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS LIKE BEING
IN THE PIONEER DAYS.
YEAH.
I'M GUESSING SHE'LL DO MOST OF
THE TALKING.
DOESN'T IT REMIND YOU OF
BACK WHEN WE WERE DATING, BACK
AT BLACK BAYOU, WHEN MY DADDY
HAD THE FISHING CAMP WE DID?
I WAS THE PADDLE GIRL.
YEAH.
I LOVE BEING WITH HIM.
I NEVER GET TIRED OF IT.
BUT I'M JUST HAPPY TO BE OUT IN
THE BOAT WITH MEMORY LANE COMING
DOWN.
AND YOU RUN ME UP UNDER THOSE
HANGING LIMBS, AND ALL THE
SPIDERS RAN OVER ME.
YOU REMEMBER THAT?
THEN YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED
NEXT?
AFTER 50 YEARS, I HAVE
LEARNED THE ART TO BE OBLIVIOUS
TO CHATTER.
I CAN TURN IT OFF AND NOT EVEN
HEAR A WORD.
THEY DIDN'T HAVE A BATHROOM
INSIDE WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL.
AND I ACT LIKE I'M
LISTENING TO HER, YOU KNOW, THE
WHOLE TIME.
WE'D GO OUT FISHING...
"YOU REMEMBER THE TIME, YOU
KNOW, WE WAS..."
AND I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, I
REMEMBER THAT."
REMEMBER WHEN WE WENT DOWN
THERE AND I BOUGHT YOU $100
WORTH OF BAIT?
YEAH.
REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE DATING
AND SI HAD TO GO WITH US ALL THE
TIME?
YEAH.
REMEMBER WHEN SI TORE UP THAT
MOTOR I PAID FOR?
YEAH.
REMEMBER THAT?
I LOVE BEING WITH HIM.
I NEVER GET TIRED OF IT.
HE'S FUN TO BE WITH.
HE'S JUST ENJOYABLE.
WE SHOULD'VE BROUGHT A PICNIC.
HUNTING LOGS, MISS KAY.
MEET THE ROBERTSON CLAN.
THEY TURNED DUCK CALLS...
INTO A MULTIMILLION-DOLLAR
EMPIRE.
BUT RUNNING A FAMILY BUSINESS IS
TOUGH WHEN THE FAMILY JUST WANTS
TO RUN WILD.
WHOO!
♪ YOU BEEN WALKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ ALL OF YOUR LIFE ♪
♪ THE BLOOD THAT YOU'RE ♪
♪ BORN IN IS SWEATIN' ♪
♪ YOU BEEN WORKING AND SLAVING ♪
♪ YOU'RE WHOLE LIFE AWAY ♪
SO WHEN'S THE DANCE?
SATURDAY.
SATURDAY.
YEAH.
ARE YOU EXCITED?
VERY.
SADIE HAS HER FIRST DANCE
COMING UP.
I CANNOT BELIEVE IT.
SHE'S JUST GROWING UP SO FAST.
WELL, WHAT DID BEAU DO WHENEVER
HE ASKED YOU?
HE WAS NERVOUS.
WAS HE?
HE WAS LIKE, "UH, HEY, UH...
UH..."
HEY, BEAUTIFUL LADIES.
HOW ARE Y'ALL?
Both: GOOD.
GOOD.
BUT MOM, WE NEED TO HURRY UP
AND GET THAT DRESS.
I KNOW, WE'LL GO... WHAT ABOUT
TOMORROW AFTERNOON MAYBE?
FOR WHAT, CHURCH?
DANCE!
DANCE?
SCHOOL DANCE.
SHE'S GOT A SCHOOL DANCE THIS
SATURDAY.
WHAT, WHAT.
LIKE, DANCING WITH BOYS
DANCE, OR...
I'LL BE DANCING WITH BEAU, MY
BOYFRIEND.
YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?
YEAH, LIKE, FOR TWO MONTHS.
YES, SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
I'M NOT DOWN WITH THIS.
DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S SOMETHING
YOU SHOULD RUN BY DAD?
LET ME KNOW.
WRITE IT ON THE REFRIGERATOR.
SHOOT ME AN EMAIL.
SHE'S A TEENAGER.
IT GOES WITH THE TERRITORY.
SHE'S 13!
14!
SHE'S 14, BABE.
CLOSE ENOUGH, I MEAN...
FACE IT, YOUR DAUGHTER'S
GROWING UP.
YOU'VE GOT A PERFECTLY GOOD
PICKUP WITH GOOD TIRES ON IT,
AND NOW YOU'RE TAKING 'EM OFF
AND PUTTING ON SOMETHING PRETTY.
LIKE, PRETTY TIRES ARE FOR SISSY
REDNECKS.
THIS THING'S GONNA BOG DOWN.
NO, IT AIN'T GONNA BOG DOWN.
YEAH, IT'S GONNA BOG DOWN.
FIRST IT'S PRETTY TIRES, THEN
IT'S PRETTY GUNS.
NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
SHAVING YOUR BEARD AND WEARING
CAPRI PANTS.
THIS THING'S A PIECE OF JUNK.
PIECE OF JUNK?
IT'S A SISSY SPIRAL.
OUT OF CONTROL.
SI, THIS IS WORTH MORE THAN
MONEY.
WHEN THE STOCK MARKET CRASHES,
THE MAN THAT COMES OUT ON TOP IS
THE MAN WITH THE MOST TIRES.
THEY'RE CURRENCY.
YOU TRADE 'EM.
YOU BUY 'EM.
YOU SELL 'EM.
YOU RETIRE ON 'EM.
DID YOU PAY FOR THAT PIECE OF
JUNK?
NO, I DIDN'T PAY FOR THIS.
I TRADED BEAVER PELTS.
THAT WASN'T A GOOD TRADE.
NOT FOR A FINE BEAVER PELT.
THAT'S THE ONLY WATERPROOF FUR
THERE IS IS A BEAVER.
WHEN IT ALL GOES SOUTH, YOU
KNOW WHAT'LL BE AT THE TOP OF
THE HEAP?
WHAT'S THAT?
MUD GRIPS.
WELL, AS LONG AS YOU DIDN'T
GIVE 'EM CASH MONEY.
THIS IS GREATER THAN CASH
MONEY.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, WILL?
WHAT ABOUT IT, WILL?
OH, SADIE'S GOT A BOYFRIEND.
THEY'RE WANTIN' TO GO TO A DANCE
TOGETHER.
IS HE A GOOD GUY?
I DON'T KNOW, I'VE NEVER MET
HIM.
UH-OH.
I MEAN, YOU GOT TO MEET THE
BOY, YOU KNOW?
FIND OUT WHAT YOU CAN FIND OUT
ABOUT HIM.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT WE DO.
LET'S TAKE HIM HUNTING.
YOU CAN SEE THE HEART OF A MAN
WHEN YOU'RE OUT IN THE WOODS AND
THERE'S WEAPONS AROUND.
THAT'S ACTUALLY NOT A
TERRIBLE IDEA.
AND IF THE BOY AIN'T ON THE
UP AND UP, GUESS WHAT.
HE'LL RUN FOR THE HILLS.
I MEAN, IF YOU'VE GOTTA MEET
YOUR DAUGHTER'S FRIEND, WHO
HAPPENS TO BE A BOY, WHAT BETTER
WAY THAN WITH A SHOTGUN IN YOUR
HAND?
LET'S DO IT.
WE'LL DO IT TOMORROW?
YEAH.
WORRYING KILLS THE SOUL.
HEY, LET'S ATTACK IT.
"YOU WANT TO DATE MY DAUGHTER?
ALL RIGHT.
HOW ABOUT A LITTLE TRIP?"
YOU GOT IT?
YEAH, WE GOT IT.
THEM TIRES ARE FREAKING
SWEET.
SEE, SI?
THEM ARE SISSY TIRES.
THEM AIN'T SWEET.
KORIE, HEY.
I'M WORRIED ABOUT THIS BEAU
DEAL.
I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE THEY'RE
GETTING MARRIED OR ANYTHING.
THEY'RE JUST GOING TO A DANCE.
HOW ABOUT I TAKE HIM OUT AND
GET TO KNOW HIM IN THE WOODS?
TAKING HIM OUT IN THE WOODS?
NO, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.
KORIE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE
GRAVITY OF THE SITUATION.
I HAVE TO GET TO KNOW THIS KID.
I JUST WANT TO TAKE HIM OUT...
CUT HIS HEAD OFF, PUT IT UP
THERE WITH MY TROPHIES.
JUST TO GET TO KNOW HIM.
WHAT'S HEAVIER, A TON OF
BRICKS OR A TON OF FEATHERS?
DUCK OR GOOSE FEATHERS?
THEY'RE NOT EQUAL.
I JUST WANT TO SEE WHAT HE'S
ALL ABOUT.
A TON OF BRICKS AND A TON OF
FEATHERS ARE EQUAL.
NO, WE TAKE HIM OUT.
MAYBE THE DENSITY HAS
SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT?
YEAH, AND WE GO ON, LIKE, A
HUNT.
WELL, I'M SURE YOU'RE GONNA
LIKE HIM.
HE'S A NICE KID.
IT'LL BE GOOD.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL PROVIDE THE
WEAPONS.
OH, NO.
BABE, DO NOT SCARE HIM.
REALLY, WILLIE.
WHAT?
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, BYE.
OH, BOY.
WHO SAID STOP WORKING?
WELL, WE DIDN'T WANT TO BE
RUDE WHILE YOU WERE ON THE
PHONE.
PLUS, I WANT TO HEAR MORE
ABOUT THIS LITTLE DEAL YOU WAS
JUST TALKIN' ABOUT.
HEY.
HAVING A TEENAGE DAUGHTER IS
VERY NERVE-RACKING.
IT'S LIKE SADIE'S A PIECE OF
CHICKEN OUT IN THE SWAMP.
THERE'S GATORS EVERYWHERE.
AND THOSE GATORS ARE 14-YEAR-OLD
BOYS.
I DON'T WANT MY DAUGHTER GOING
OUT WITH SOMEBODY I DON'T EVEN
KNOW.
GOING TO A DANCE AND RUBBING AND
SHAKING.
MAKE SURE, NUMBER ONE, HE
AIN'T ONE OF THEM BOYS THAT'S
GOT ALL THIS CRAP PUNCTURED IN
HIS EAR AND HANGING OUT OF HIS
EYEBROW AND OUT OF HIS NOSE AND
ALL THAT JUNK.
I DON'T CARE WHAT HE LOOKS
LIKE.
OH, I WOULD.
WILL NEEDS TO LEARN THIS.
HEY, YOU GIVE THIS BOY, YOU
KNOW, A LOOK...
YOU KNOW?
IT'S ONE OF THEM DEALS ABOUT,
"HEY, YOU FOOL AROUND, I'LL KILL
YOU, BOY."
TALKING ABOUT, "HEY."
LOOK, ALL YOU GOTTA TELL HIM
IS, "YOU MAKE HER CRY, I'LL MAKE
YOU CRY."
YOU AIN'T RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY
ACCIDENTS.
I DON'T KNOW HOW I MADE MY
WAY INTO THE DUCK CALL ROOM TO
GET ADVICE.
YOU CAN'T STOP THE BEES FROM
BUZZING.
ESPECIALLY ADVICE ON MY
TEENAGE DAUGHTER.
SHE MAY PICK SOME LOSER.
THEN YOU BRING IN A BALL-PEEN
HAMMER.
"HEY, I'M WATCHING YOU, BOY.
LIKE A HAWK."
THIS AIN'T EVEN ADVICE
ANYMORE.
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A MAN LIKE
ME, AREN'T YOU?
BE HONEST.
I LIKE CHILI DOGS.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK HERE.
"YOUR DADDY BROUGHT YOU IN THIS
WORLD, I'LL TAKE YOU OUT OF THIS
WORLD."
ONE BAD IDEA AFTER ANOTHER.
GUN IN ONE HAND, BIBLE IN THE
OTHER, AND THEN YOU JUST STAND
OVER HIM.
FEAR IS A HEALTHY THING.
BUT YOU'RE NOT QUITE AS
IMPOSING OF A FIGURE AS I AM.
WHAT, I HAVE TO BE MORBIDLY
OBESE TO SCARE SOMEBODY AND
STAND OVER 'EM?
IF YOU'RE AT 14, A MAN COMES
IN HERE, JUST LIKE THIS.
HE'S STANDING... HE'S GOT A GUN
AND HIS BIBLE...
AND HE'S STANDING
JUST LIKE THIS.
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO DO?
ARE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE AT ALL
RIGHT NOW?
GET OUT OF MY FACE.
YOU'RE CREEPING ME OUT.
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT.
WHY YOU GOING THE OTHER WAY?
WELL, YOU'RE STICKING YOUR
JUNK ALL IN MY FACE.
NOW YOU'RE MOVING AWAY.
SEE, THIS IS THE POINT OF IT.
YEAH, THAT'S THE POINT OF IT
RIGHT THERE.
YOU'RE OUT OF HERE.
RUN HIM OFF.
WE'RE GOING ON A HUNTING
TRIP, PERIOD.
AND THE ONLY THING STANDING IN
THE WAY OF THIS BOY AND SADIE IS
ME, MY SHOTGUN, AND A HEALTHY
DOSE OF FEAR.
THAT WAS THE WORST ADVICE I'VE
EVER GOTTEN.
THE FIRST PLACE WE NEED TO GO
IS THE PRIVET HOLE BLIND,
'CAUSE THAT'S THE FIRST PLACE
THEY START TO INFEST.
ARE YOU LISTENING TO WHAT I'M
SAYING?
YEAH.
YOU'RE STILL HUNG UP ON THIS
GUY?
YEAH.
I'M TAKING BEAU TO THE PRIVET
HOLE TO HUNT SNAKES.
I WANT THIS KID TO GET TO KNOW
WHO HE'S GOING TO BE ANSWERING
TO WHILE HE'S DATING MY
DAUGHTER.
I AIN'T WORRIED ABOUT SNAKES,
I'M WORRIED ABOUT THAT SNAKE.
WELL, HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW HE'S
A SNAKE?
THEY'RE ALL SNAKES.
LISTEN, IT'S A DATE.
IT AIN'T LIKE THEY GONNA GET
MARRIED.
EVERY TIME YOU GET MARRIED,
IT STARTS WITH A DATE.
THAT'S TRUE.
WILLIE, LIGHTEN UP.
KAY, HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN
YOU MET PHIL?
I WAS A MATURE 14-YEAR-OLD.
HOW WAS PHIL?
OH, HE WAS HORRIBLE.
EXACTLY.
I'M TELLING YOU, YOU GOTTA BE
TACTFUL ABOUT IT.
WHAT ARE YOU, A DATING
COUNSELOR OR SOMETHING?
WHEN IT COMES TO DATING
RELATIONSHIPS, YOU GOT TO BE
SHREWD AS A SNAKE AND HARMLESS
AS A DOVE.
IF YOU TRY TO KEEP 'EM APART,
THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE MESSING UP,
'CAUSE THEN THEY GONNA JUST GO
ROMEO AND JULIET ON YOU.
HEY.
HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
BEAU, IS THAT YOU?
GOOD TO MEET YOU, MAN.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
SADIE'S BOYFRIEND.
WILLIE'S MY KID BROTHER.
I'M THERE WHEN HE NEEDS ME.
AND BASED ON THE LOOK IN HIS
EYES...
THIS IS BEAU.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
I THINK HE NEEDS ME.
YOU EVER HUNTED BEFORE, BEAU?
YES, SIR.
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT.
ALL RIGHT, GIRLS, Y'ALL HEAD
IN THE HOUSE.
IT'S MAN TIME.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
GOOD LUCK, BEAU.
THANK YOU.
BE NICE, DAD.
OH, HE'S GONNA BE NERVOUS,
ALL RIGHT.
HE BETTER BE.
I WANT THIS KID TO BE PEEING IN
HIS PANTS BY THE END OF THE DAY.
WHAT KIND OF GUN DO YOU SHOOT?
20-GAUGE.
WHAT KIND OF SHELLS?
2 3/4 FULL SHELL.
BEAU KNOWS GUNS.
SO HAVE YOU HAD A GIRLFRIEND
BEFORE?
YES, SIR.
HOW MANY?
YOU KNOW WHAT BOYS ARE ALL ABOUT
AT THAT AGE?
I DO, BECAUSE I WAS THAT AGE.
I HAD A SMALL BEARD AT THAT
TIME, AND, UH, IT WAS HARD
KEEPING 'EM OFF OF ME, HONESTLY.
HOW LONG Y'ALL BEEN SEEING EACH
OTHER?
2 1/2 MONTHS.
NOBODY TOLD ME.
NOPE.
I AIN'T SAYING IT WAS RIGHT
THOUGH.
ARE YOU SERIOUS, WILLIE?
IT WAS LIKE AN ONGOING
INVESTIGATION INTO A CRIME THAT
HAS NOT YET BEEN COMMITTED.
WHEN WAS YOUR FIRST GIRLFRIEND?
WHEN I WAS FIVE.
YOU LOOK SO WORRIED, GIRL.
I REALLY DON'T LIKE THE IDEA
OF JUST DAD AND BEAU BEING OUT
THERE, YOU KNOW?
THAT'S WHAT DADDIES ARE
SUPPOSED TO DO.
THAT JUST MEANS HE LOVES YOU.
YEAH...
MY MOMMA DIDN'T LIKE PHIL AT
ALL.
SHE REALLY DIDN'T.
YEAH.
SHE JUST KEPT TELLING ME HOW
MUCH BETTER I COULD DO.
HOW IS THAT HELPING?
WHAT COULD YOUR DAD DO?
I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT.
NO, THINK ABOUT IT.
THAT'S THE THING.
WHAT CAN MY DAD DO?
THERE THEY ARE.
HEY.
MISS SADIE, HOW YOU DOING?
HEY, GOOD.
SMELLS GOOD.
NOW SADIE, WILL YOU LOOK AT
THIS?
I WAS FIXING TO MAKE ME SOME
TEA, BUT SEE?
YOUR MAMAW HAD ME A GLASS FIXED.
I KNOW HIS MIND BETTER THAN
HE KNOWS HIS MIND.
SO WHEN YOU START DATING IN
ABOUT TEN YEARS, YOU'LL WANT TO
GET YOUR MAN SOME...
OH, PHIL!
SHE'S ALREADY DATING, PHIL.
NO.
BEING YOUTHFUL IS DANGEROUS
WHEN IT COME TO LOVE.
THEY'RE YOUNG AND THEY'RE MOVING
TOO RAPIDLY.
HOW OLD'S THAT GIRL?
SHE'S 14.
14?
NOW YOU KNOW WHY WILLIE'S A
LITTLE BIT NERVOUS.
HE AIN'T THE ONLY ONE
NERVOUS.
WHAT'S THIS GUY'S NAME?
BEAU.
BEAU?
I'VE LOOKED AT ENOUGH MEN ON
THIS PLANET TO KNOW YOU DON'T
WANT TO PUT YOUR FAITH IN THEM
FOR SURE, AT ALL.
BREED ANYTHING THAT WALKS.
WILL LIE, STEAL.
"I LOVE YOU, LET ME GET IN YOUR
BRITCHES."
SINCE WILLIE IS WITH BEAU...
YEAH.
ME AND OLD SI WILL TAKE SADIE
TO GO WITH US LOG HUNTING, AND
WE'LL GIVE HER A LITTLE SPEECH.
WE'LL TELL YOU ABOUT THE
PITFALLS OF DATING.
YOU NEED TO COUNT YOUR
BLESSINGS, SADIE, THAT YOU
DIDN'T HAVE UNCLE SI IN THE
BACKSEAT OF ALL OUR DATES WE
WENT ON.
HE HAD TO GO WITH US.
LOOK HERE, HEY, I WASN'T THAT
BAD.
MAMA MADE HIM TAKE ME ALONG.
YOU KNOW, THEY LOVED HAVING ME
AROUND.
HEY, I'D TURN MY HEAD AND SING
A LOVE SONG FOR 'EM.
YOU LEAVE THE CELL PHONE
RIGHT WHERE IT IS.
WE FIXING TO GET HER LINED OUT
ON OLD BEAU, YOU KNOW?
OH, NO, POOR SADIE.
WELL, WE'RE HERE.
TODAY, BEAU, WE'RE HUNTING AN
INFESTATION OF SNAKES IN OUR
DUCK BLIND.
MOST PEOPLE JUST WORRY ABOUT THE
BIG ONES.
IT'S THE LITTLE ONES THAT'LL GET
YOU.
THE YOUNG ONES.
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SCARE
HIM FOR?
HE JUST GOES INTO FULL ASSAULT.
I'M SURE HE'S SCARED OF
POISONOUS SNAKES.
LOSE HIS WHOLE HAND, LOSE A
FINGER.
IT'S AMAZING THAT SUCH A
SMALL GUY COULD BE SUCH A
FORMIDABLE OPPONENT.
MESSING WITH A POISONOUS
SNAKE, YOU GOTTA WATCH EVERY
STEP YOU MAKE, 'CAUSE THE MINUTE
YOU MAKE A...
EASY.
WHAT YOU GOT?
DON'T MOVE.
THERE'S A THIN LINE BETWEEN
INSANITY AND COPING WITH YOUR
DAUGHTER DATING.
YOU GOT HIM.
YOU GOT HIM FIRST SHOT.
WILLIE IS AS WOUND UP AS A COON
DOG TRYING TO PASS A PEACH SEED.
WHEN YOU SEE THOSE DOGS THAT
HAVE THAT, ALL THEIR MUSCLES ARE
CONTRACTED AND THEY JUST WALK
AROUND ON THEIR TIP-TOES ALL
DAY.
IT'S QUITE THE SHOW.
SEE, SON?
YOU GOTTA WATCH EVERY STEP YOU
TAKE.
THIS IS AWKWARD.
YOU COULD CUT THE TENSION WITH A
KNIFE.
WHAT KIND OF DANCING WE DOING
AT THIS DANCE?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
A DANCE IS THE SAME KIND OF
DANCE YOU WERE AT.
THERE GONNA BE SLOW-DANCING
THERE?
OF COURSE THERE'S
SLOW-DANCING!
THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF HAVING
A DANCE.
SOMETIMES THEY DON'T
SLOW-DANCE.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
IT'S MY JOB TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD.
THIS IS NOT A FUNERAL...
YET.
IT'S MORE LIKE HUGGING AND
THEY'RE JUST MOVING LIKE TWO
ZOMBIES.
THAT'S THE EASIEST DANCE.
DANCING AND YOU'RE HUGGING
AND IT LEADS TO KISSING AND
MAKING OUT.
THAT'S WHY YOU GOTTA TELL
HIM, HANDS ON THE HANDS, LIPS ON
THE LIPS.
WHAT KIND OF ADVICE IS THAT?
EVERYTHING ELSE, WAIT TILL
YOU GET MARRIED.
HEY, LOVE GURU, I GET TO MAKE
THE GUIDELINES.
IT'S MY DAUGHTER.
GIVE HIM FIRST BASE.
WHEN YOU TRY TO TAKE FIRST BASE
AWAY, THAT'S IT.
THEY GO TO ANOTHER BALLPARK.
WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?
I'M JUST ASKING!
YOU TELLING HIM TO GO LIPS ON
THE LIPS.
THAT'S WHAT YOU DO.
THAT'S WHAT YOU DID!
GIVE ME MY HAT.
UH-HUH.
DON'T MESS WITH ANOTHER MAN'S
HAT, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE'S GOT A
LOADED GUN.
I GOT A LOADED WEAPON TOO.
GIVE ME MY HAT, WILL.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL GIVE IT TO
YOU IN ONE SECOND.
AW, SHUCKS!
I HOPE HIS HAT STAYS UP THERE.
I HOPE A SQUIRREL BUILDS A NEST
IN IT...
GO GET IT.
WHAT ARE YOU, TEN?
AND TAKES A DUMP IN IT.
IF I WAS YOU, I WOULD BREAK
UP WITH HER RIGHT NOW JUST SO
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS
IDIOT.
YOU'RE STUPID, WILLIE.
GIVE ME MY HAT, WILL.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL GIVE IT TO
YOU IN ONE SECOND.
AW, SHUCKS!
TODAY REALLY HASN'T GONE
ACCORDING TO PLAN.
I'M TRYING TO BE INTIMIDATING.
GO GET IT.
I'VE GOT THIS KID RIGHT WHERE I
WANT HIM, BUT I HAVE MADE A
TACTICAL MISTAKE.
IF I WAS YOU, I WOULD BREAK
UP WITH HER RIGHT NOW JUST SO
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS
IDIOT.
BRINGING JASE.
OH, MY GOODNESS.
WHERE I COME FROM, YOU DON'T
MESS WITH ANOTHER MAN'S WOMAN OR
HIS HAT.
I DON'T CARE WHAT KIND OF STRESS
YOU'RE UNDER, DON'T TOUCH MY
HAT!
WILLIE, YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A
SPAZ.
WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP?
HERE WE GO.
WHEN OLD BEAU DECIDED TO
START DATING YOU, HE'S ENTERED
THE ROBERTSON ZONE.
OH, YEAH, YEP.
WE ARE GOING TO EXAMINE
HIM...
YEP.
INVESTIGATE HIM...
OH, YEAH.
AND ANALYZE HIM.
AND THEN FIND OUT ABOUT HIM.
I FEEL FOR OLD WILL.
YOU GOT A FULL-TIME JOB ON YOUR
HANDS KEEPING THESE BOYS AWAY.
IT'S LIKE HONEY.
THEY DRAW 'EM.
WHAT KIND OF GRADES DOES HE
MAKE?
"A"s AND "B"s.
WELL, HE'S SMARTER THAN ME
AND OLD SI THERE.
YEP.
ON MY OWN DAUGHTER'S FIRST DATE,
I WENT WITH 'EM.
HE DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE, 'CAUSE,
HEY, THE ALL-SEEING EYES OF ME
WAS ON HIM THE WHOLE TIME.
WOULD YOU CONCLUDE THAT HE'S
A GODLY MAN?
DEFINITELY.
IS HE A HUNTER?
DUCK HUNTER, YEAH.
WELL, GOOD NIGHT.
HE'S THE QUARTERBACK.
THE QUARTERBACK?
YES, SIR.
OLD BEAU'S SOUNDING BETTER
ALL THE TIME.
PRETTY IMPRESSIVE YOUNG BUCK.
GOT A GOOD HEAD ON HIM.
HE'S A GODLY MAN.
THAT'S A GOOD THING AS FAR AS
OLD BEAU IS CONCERNED.
IT'S TIME TO GET STRAIGHT TO THE
POINT.
SO HOW LONG DID YOU WAIT BEFORE
YOU LET HIM KISS YOU?
IT'S A SIMPLE QUESTION.
HOW LONG DID YOU WAIT TILL YOU
LET HIM KISS YOU?
I DIDN'T WAIT TOO LONG.
NO.
HOW LONG DID YOU WAIT TO KISS
MISS KAY?
I WASN'T MUCH OF A KISSER,
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
SO LOOK, BEAU, IS THERE
KISSES GOING ON AT THESE DANCES,
OR...
I'M NOT SURE.
WELL, YOU BETTER GET SURE.
THEY'RE GONNA KISS, THAT'S
WHAT THEY DO.
JASE IS BEING AN IDIOT.
I'M TRYING TO PROTECT MY
DAUGHTER FROM THIS LITTLE
PIPSQUEAK SHE'S DATING, AND HE'S
TALKING ABOUT KISSING HER ON THE
LIPS, AND I DON'T THINK IT'S
FUNNY.
TAKE HER FEELINGS INTO ACCOUNT.
YES, SIR.
I WANT TO PUT A BALLOON IN
BETWEEN THEM WHILE THEY'RE
DANCING.
I TAKE THAT BACK.
FOUR BALLOONS.
BE RESPECTFUL.
THERE'S A SNAKE RIGHT THERE.
WHOA.
WHOA!
EASY.
SHOOT HIM!
WOW.
OH, MY GOODNESS.
PICK UP THE PIECES.
NO, YOU GOT HIM.
AIN'T NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT.
LOOK... THAT'S ALL THAT'S LEFT.
THERE'S HALF OF IT.
HALF?
THAT'S, LIKE, 10%.
GOOD SHOT, BEAU.
I LIKE THAT.
I'M STILL NOT OKAY WITH THIS
WHOLE THING, BUT I WILL HAVE TO
GIVE IT TO THE KID.
HE'S A GOOD SHOT.
WHAT DO I THINK ABOUT BEAU?
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
GOOD SHOT, SON.
I SAW PIECES GO IN EVERY
DIRECTION.
WE HAD A GOOD HUNT OUT THERE.
OH, MAN!
DID YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME,
BEAU?
YES, MA'AM, HAD A GREAT TIME.
HE HANDLED HIMSELF WELL.
GOOD.
I MEAN, THE KID'S ALL RIGHT,
BUT LET'S DON'T GET TOO CARRIED
AWAY.
HEY, HE'S MR. SHOTGUN MAN
RIGHT HERE.
I THINK JASE HAS A MAN-CRUSH
ON BEAU.
THERE SHE IS.
HEY, Y'ALL.
SADIE!
THE LADY OF THE HOUR.
HEY.
HOW'D IT GO?
BEAU KILLED HIM A SNAKE.
GOOD.
OLD BEAU'S ALL RIGHT, I'M
TELLING YOU.
GOOD, IS HE INVITED BACK,
WILLIE?
YEP, HE CAN COME BACK.
PRETTY GOOD WITH A SHOTGUN.
HE'S A SNAKE GUNNER.
HEY, THAT'S A NOBLE QUALITY
IN THIS WORLD.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET OUT OF
HERE.
I'LL ADMIT, BEAU DOES KNOW
HIS GUNS, AND I AM A LITTLE
IMPRESSED, BUT I'M NOT TELLING
HIM I'M IMPRESSED.
I LIKE THAT BOY.
I DO TOO.
HE AIN'T BAD.
LOOK, WHEN THEY TURN OL'
LIONEL RICHIE ON AT THE DANCE,
THEY GONNA START SLOW-DANCING,
GET UP ALL NICE AND CLOSE, SWAP
SOME SPIT.
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE OFF
RUNNING, AND I'LL GIVE YOU TWO
SECONDS BEFORE I START SHOOTING
AT YOU?
YOU SHOOT AT ME, YOU BETTER
NOT MISS.
AH, HERE SHE COMES!
WHOO-OOH!
HEY, HEY, HEY.
LOOKIE HERE, LOOKIE HERE,
LOOKIE HERE.
SADIE LOOKS GORGEOUS.
TOO GORGEOUS.
THAT BEAU BETTER BEHAVE.
HEY.
HEY.
HOW'S IT GOING, BUDDY?
YOU ALL RIGHT?
YES, SIR.
GOOD TO SEE YOU, MAN.
HEY.
HOW ARE YOU?
EASY, EASY.
BEAU LOOKS GREAT.
HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S STILL SCARED.
BYE, MOM.
BEAU, I GOT YOU A LITTLE
SOMETHING HERE.
UH-OH.
YOU'RE A PRETTY GOOD SHOT.
HERE'S YOU A DUCK CALL.
THAT'S AWESOME.
THANK YOU, MR. WILLIE.
I CAN'T ADMIT THAT I LIKE
THIS KID... HE'S DATING MY
DAUGHTER... BUT
I KINDA LIKE HIM.
MAYBE YOU'LL GET TO GO OUT THERE
WITH US AND HUNT ONE DAY.
ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.
JUST MAKE SURE YOUR LIPS ARE
ONLY ON THAT, ALL RIGHT?
YES, SIR.
YOU GOT THAT?
DAD!
ALL RIGHT, I'M JUST PICKING.
NOT REALLY.
SERIOUSLY.
OH, GOSH.
WILLIE.
IF HIS LIPS ARE GONNA BE ON
SOMETHING I MADE, I'D RATHER IT
BE A DUCK CALL.
FATHER, WE'RE SO THANKFUL FOR
THIS DAY.
THANK YOU FOR THE MANY, MANY
BLESSINGS THAT YOU GIVE US.
WE JUST PRAY FOR SADIE AND BEAU
AND THEIR YOUNG RELATIONSHIP.
AMEN.
All: AMEN.
AS A FATHER, NOTHING MAKES ME
HAPPIER THAN SEEING A SMILE ON
MY DAUGHTER'S FACE AND FEAR IN
HER BOYFRIEND'S EYES.
IT'S NOT EASY BEING A GOOD
PARENT.
YOU WANT TO STAY INVOLVED IN
THEIR LIVES, BUT YOU DON'T WANT
TO SMOTHER 'EM.
IT'S A DELICATE BALANCE, LIKE
SI'S SANITY.
IN THE END, I JUST WANT MY
DAUGHTER TO FIND A GOOD MAN SHE
CAN GROW OLD WITH, LIKE PHIL AND
KAY.
I JUST HOPE SHE ISN'T PLANNING
ON GETTING MARRIED AT 16.
HEY, WILLIE, WHAT DO YOU
THINK BEAU AND SADIE ARE DOING
RIGHT NOW?
HEY, JASE, WHY DON'T YOU SHUT
UP?
LOOKING FOR?
HUH?
WHERE ARE THE LOGS WE'RE
LOOKING FOR?
THEY'RE ON UP THE CREEK.
TODAY, I TOOK MISS KAY TO FIND
SOME FINE CYPRESS LOGS FOR MY
DUCK BLINDS.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS LIKE BEING
IN THE PIONEER DAYS.
YEAH.
I'M GUESSING SHE'LL DO MOST OF
THE TALKING.
DOESN'T IT REMIND YOU OF
BACK WHEN WE WERE DATING, BACK
AT BLACK BAYOU, WHEN MY DADDY
HAD THE FISHING CAMP WE DID?
I WAS THE PADDLE GIRL.
YEAH.
I LOVE BEING WITH HIM.
I NEVER GET TIRED OF IT.
BUT I'M JUST HAPPY TO BE OUT IN
THE BOAT WITH MEMORY LANE COMING
DOWN.
AND YOU RUN ME UP UNDER THOSE
HANGING LIMBS, AND ALL THE
SPIDERS RAN OVER ME.
YOU REMEMBER THAT?
THEN YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED
NEXT?
AFTER 50 YEARS, I HAVE
LEARNED THE ART TO BE OBLIVIOUS
TO CHATTER.
I CAN TURN IT OFF AND NOT EVEN
HEAR A WORD.
THEY DIDN'T HAVE A BATHROOM
INSIDE WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL.
AND I ACT LIKE I'M
LISTENING TO HER, YOU KNOW, THE
WHOLE TIME.
WE'D GO OUT FISHING...
"YOU REMEMBER THE TIME, YOU
KNOW, WE WAS..."
AND I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, I
REMEMBER THAT."
REMEMBER WHEN WE WENT DOWN
THERE AND I BOUGHT YOU $100
WORTH OF BAIT?
YEAH.
REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE DATING
AND SI HAD TO GO WITH US ALL THE
TIME?
YEAH.
REMEMBER WHEN SI TORE UP THAT
MOTOR I PAID FOR?
YEAH.
REMEMBER THAT?
I LOVE BEING WITH HIM.
I NEVER GET TIRED OF IT.
HE'S FUN TO BE WITH.
HE'S JUST ENJOYABLE.
WE SHOULD'VE BROUGHT A PICNIC.
HUNTING LOGS, MISS KAY.
MEET THE ROBERTSON CLAN.
THEY TURNED DUCK CALLS...
INTO A MULTIMILLION-DOLLAR
EMPIRE.
BUT RUNNING A FAMILY BUSINESS IS
TOUGH WHEN THE FAMILY JUST WANTS
TO RUN WILD.
WHOO!
♪ YOU BEEN WALKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ ALL OF YOUR LIFE ♪
♪ THE BLOOD THAT YOU'RE ♪
♪ BORN IN IS SWEATIN' ♪
♪ YOU BEEN WORKING AND SLAVING ♪
♪ YOU'RE WHOLE LIFE AWAY ♪
SO WHEN'S THE DANCE?
SATURDAY.
SATURDAY.
YEAH.
ARE YOU EXCITED?
VERY.
SADIE HAS HER FIRST DANCE
COMING UP.
I CANNOT BELIEVE IT.
SHE'S JUST GROWING UP SO FAST.
WELL, WHAT DID BEAU DO WHENEVER
HE ASKED YOU?
HE WAS NERVOUS.
WAS HE?
HE WAS LIKE, "UH, HEY, UH...
UH..."
HEY, BEAUTIFUL LADIES.
HOW ARE Y'ALL?
Both: GOOD.
GOOD.
BUT MOM, WE NEED TO HURRY UP
AND GET THAT DRESS.
I KNOW, WE'LL GO... WHAT ABOUT
TOMORROW AFTERNOON MAYBE?
FOR WHAT, CHURCH?
DANCE!
DANCE?
SCHOOL DANCE.
SHE'S GOT A SCHOOL DANCE THIS
SATURDAY.
WHAT, WHAT.
LIKE, DANCING WITH BOYS
DANCE, OR...
I'LL BE DANCING WITH BEAU, MY
BOYFRIEND.
YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?
YEAH, LIKE, FOR TWO MONTHS.
YES, SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
I'M NOT DOWN WITH THIS.
DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S SOMETHING
YOU SHOULD RUN BY DAD?
LET ME KNOW.
WRITE IT ON THE REFRIGERATOR.
SHOOT ME AN EMAIL.
SHE'S A TEENAGER.
IT GOES WITH THE TERRITORY.
SHE'S 13!
14!
SHE'S 14, BABE.
CLOSE ENOUGH, I MEAN...
FACE IT, YOUR DAUGHTER'S
GROWING UP.
YOU'VE GOT A PERFECTLY GOOD
PICKUP WITH GOOD TIRES ON IT,
AND NOW YOU'RE TAKING 'EM OFF
AND PUTTING ON SOMETHING PRETTY.
LIKE, PRETTY TIRES ARE FOR SISSY
REDNECKS.
THIS THING'S GONNA BOG DOWN.
NO, IT AIN'T GONNA BOG DOWN.
YEAH, IT'S GONNA BOG DOWN.
FIRST IT'S PRETTY TIRES, THEN
IT'S PRETTY GUNS.
NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
SHAVING YOUR BEARD AND WEARING
CAPRI PANTS.
THIS THING'S A PIECE OF JUNK.
PIECE OF JUNK?
IT'S A SISSY SPIRAL.
OUT OF CONTROL.
SI, THIS IS WORTH MORE THAN
MONEY.
WHEN THE STOCK MARKET CRASHES,
THE MAN THAT COMES OUT ON TOP IS
THE MAN WITH THE MOST TIRES.
THEY'RE CURRENCY.
YOU TRADE 'EM.
YOU BUY 'EM.
YOU SELL 'EM.
YOU RETIRE ON 'EM.
DID YOU PAY FOR THAT PIECE OF
JUNK?
NO, I DIDN'T PAY FOR THIS.
I TRADED BEAVER PELTS.
THAT WASN'T A GOOD TRADE.
NOT FOR A FINE BEAVER PELT.
THAT'S THE ONLY WATERPROOF FUR
THERE IS IS A BEAVER.
WHEN IT ALL GOES SOUTH, YOU
KNOW WHAT'LL BE AT THE TOP OF
THE HEAP?
WHAT'S THAT?
MUD GRIPS.
WELL, AS LONG AS YOU DIDN'T
GIVE 'EM CASH MONEY.
THIS IS GREATER THAN CASH
MONEY.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, WILL?
WHAT ABOUT IT, WILL?
OH, SADIE'S GOT A BOYFRIEND.
THEY'RE WANTIN' TO GO TO A DANCE
TOGETHER.
IS HE A GOOD GUY?
I DON'T KNOW, I'VE NEVER MET
HIM.
UH-OH.
I MEAN, YOU GOT TO MEET THE
BOY, YOU KNOW?
FIND OUT WHAT YOU CAN FIND OUT
ABOUT HIM.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT WE DO.
LET'S TAKE HIM HUNTING.
YOU CAN SEE THE HEART OF A MAN
WHEN YOU'RE OUT IN THE WOODS AND
THERE'S WEAPONS AROUND.
THAT'S ACTUALLY NOT A
TERRIBLE IDEA.
AND IF THE BOY AIN'T ON THE
UP AND UP, GUESS WHAT.
HE'LL RUN FOR THE HILLS.
I MEAN, IF YOU'VE GOTTA MEET
YOUR DAUGHTER'S FRIEND, WHO
HAPPENS TO BE A BOY, WHAT BETTER
WAY THAN WITH A SHOTGUN IN YOUR
HAND?
LET'S DO IT.
WE'LL DO IT TOMORROW?
YEAH.
WORRYING KILLS THE SOUL.
HEY, LET'S ATTACK IT.
"YOU WANT TO DATE MY DAUGHTER?
ALL RIGHT.
HOW ABOUT A LITTLE TRIP?"
YOU GOT IT?
YEAH, WE GOT IT.
THEM TIRES ARE FREAKING
SWEET.
SEE, SI?
THEM ARE SISSY TIRES.
THEM AIN'T SWEET.
KORIE, HEY.
I'M WORRIED ABOUT THIS BEAU
DEAL.
I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE THEY'RE
GETTING MARRIED OR ANYTHING.
THEY'RE JUST GOING TO A DANCE.
HOW ABOUT I TAKE HIM OUT AND
GET TO KNOW HIM IN THE WOODS?
TAKING HIM OUT IN THE WOODS?
NO, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.
KORIE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE
GRAVITY OF THE SITUATION.
I HAVE TO GET TO KNOW THIS KID.
I JUST WANT TO TAKE HIM OUT...
CUT HIS HEAD OFF, PUT IT UP
THERE WITH MY TROPHIES.
JUST TO GET TO KNOW HIM.
WHAT'S HEAVIER, A TON OF
BRICKS OR A TON OF FEATHERS?
DUCK OR GOOSE FEATHERS?
THEY'RE NOT EQUAL.
I JUST WANT TO SEE WHAT HE'S
ALL ABOUT.
A TON OF BRICKS AND A TON OF
FEATHERS ARE EQUAL.
NO, WE TAKE HIM OUT.
MAYBE THE DENSITY HAS
SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT?
YEAH, AND WE GO ON, LIKE, A
HUNT.
WELL, I'M SURE YOU'RE GONNA
LIKE HIM.
HE'S A NICE KID.
IT'LL BE GOOD.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL PROVIDE THE
WEAPONS.
OH, NO.
BABE, DO NOT SCARE HIM.
REALLY, WILLIE.
WHAT?
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, BYE.
OH, BOY.
WHO SAID STOP WORKING?
WELL, WE DIDN'T WANT TO BE
RUDE WHILE YOU WERE ON THE
PHONE.
PLUS, I WANT TO HEAR MORE
ABOUT THIS LITTLE DEAL YOU WAS
JUST TALKIN' ABOUT.
HEY.
HAVING A TEENAGE DAUGHTER IS
VERY NERVE-RACKING.
IT'S LIKE SADIE'S A PIECE OF
CHICKEN OUT IN THE SWAMP.
THERE'S GATORS EVERYWHERE.
AND THOSE GATORS ARE 14-YEAR-OLD
BOYS.
I DON'T WANT MY DAUGHTER GOING
OUT WITH SOMEBODY I DON'T EVEN
KNOW.
GOING TO A DANCE AND RUBBING AND
SHAKING.
MAKE SURE, NUMBER ONE, HE
AIN'T ONE OF THEM BOYS THAT'S
GOT ALL THIS CRAP PUNCTURED IN
HIS EAR AND HANGING OUT OF HIS
EYEBROW AND OUT OF HIS NOSE AND
ALL THAT JUNK.
I DON'T CARE WHAT HE LOOKS
LIKE.
OH, I WOULD.
WILL NEEDS TO LEARN THIS.
HEY, YOU GIVE THIS BOY, YOU
KNOW, A LOOK...
YOU KNOW?
IT'S ONE OF THEM DEALS ABOUT,
"HEY, YOU FOOL AROUND, I'LL KILL
YOU, BOY."
TALKING ABOUT, "HEY."
LOOK, ALL YOU GOTTA TELL HIM
IS, "YOU MAKE HER CRY, I'LL MAKE
YOU CRY."
YOU AIN'T RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY
ACCIDENTS.
I DON'T KNOW HOW I MADE MY
WAY INTO THE DUCK CALL ROOM TO
GET ADVICE.
YOU CAN'T STOP THE BEES FROM
BUZZING.
ESPECIALLY ADVICE ON MY
TEENAGE DAUGHTER.
SHE MAY PICK SOME LOSER.
THEN YOU BRING IN A BALL-PEEN
HAMMER.
"HEY, I'M WATCHING YOU, BOY.
LIKE A HAWK."
THIS AIN'T EVEN ADVICE
ANYMORE.
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A MAN LIKE
ME, AREN'T YOU?
BE HONEST.
I LIKE CHILI DOGS.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK HERE.
"YOUR DADDY BROUGHT YOU IN THIS
WORLD, I'LL TAKE YOU OUT OF THIS
WORLD."
ONE BAD IDEA AFTER ANOTHER.
GUN IN ONE HAND, BIBLE IN THE
OTHER, AND THEN YOU JUST STAND
OVER HIM.
FEAR IS A HEALTHY THING.
BUT YOU'RE NOT QUITE AS
IMPOSING OF A FIGURE AS I AM.
WHAT, I HAVE TO BE MORBIDLY
OBESE TO SCARE SOMEBODY AND
STAND OVER 'EM?
IF YOU'RE AT 14, A MAN COMES
IN HERE, JUST LIKE THIS.
HE'S STANDING... HE'S GOT A GUN
AND HIS BIBLE...
AND HE'S STANDING
JUST LIKE THIS.
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO DO?
ARE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE AT ALL
RIGHT NOW?
GET OUT OF MY FACE.
YOU'RE CREEPING ME OUT.
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT.
WHY YOU GOING THE OTHER WAY?
WELL, YOU'RE STICKING YOUR
JUNK ALL IN MY FACE.
NOW YOU'RE MOVING AWAY.
SEE, THIS IS THE POINT OF IT.
YEAH, THAT'S THE POINT OF IT
RIGHT THERE.
YOU'RE OUT OF HERE.
RUN HIM OFF.
WE'RE GOING ON A HUNTING
TRIP, PERIOD.
AND THE ONLY THING STANDING IN
THE WAY OF THIS BOY AND SADIE IS
ME, MY SHOTGUN, AND A HEALTHY
DOSE OF FEAR.
THAT WAS THE WORST ADVICE I'VE
EVER GOTTEN.
THE FIRST PLACE WE NEED TO GO
IS THE PRIVET HOLE BLIND,
'CAUSE THAT'S THE FIRST PLACE
THEY START TO INFEST.
ARE YOU LISTENING TO WHAT I'M
SAYING?
YEAH.
YOU'RE STILL HUNG UP ON THIS
GUY?
YEAH.
I'M TAKING BEAU TO THE PRIVET
HOLE TO HUNT SNAKES.
I WANT THIS KID TO GET TO KNOW
WHO HE'S GOING TO BE ANSWERING
TO WHILE HE'S DATING MY
DAUGHTER.
I AIN'T WORRIED ABOUT SNAKES,
I'M WORRIED ABOUT THAT SNAKE.
WELL, HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW HE'S
A SNAKE?
THEY'RE ALL SNAKES.
LISTEN, IT'S A DATE.
IT AIN'T LIKE THEY GONNA GET
MARRIED.
EVERY TIME YOU GET MARRIED,
IT STARTS WITH A DATE.
THAT'S TRUE.
WILLIE, LIGHTEN UP.
KAY, HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN
YOU MET PHIL?
I WAS A MATURE 14-YEAR-OLD.
HOW WAS PHIL?
OH, HE WAS HORRIBLE.
EXACTLY.
I'M TELLING YOU, YOU GOTTA BE
TACTFUL ABOUT IT.
WHAT ARE YOU, A DATING
COUNSELOR OR SOMETHING?
WHEN IT COMES TO DATING
RELATIONSHIPS, YOU GOT TO BE
SHREWD AS A SNAKE AND HARMLESS
AS A DOVE.
IF YOU TRY TO KEEP 'EM APART,
THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE MESSING UP,
'CAUSE THEN THEY GONNA JUST GO
ROMEO AND JULIET ON YOU.
HEY.
HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
BEAU, IS THAT YOU?
GOOD TO MEET YOU, MAN.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
SADIE'S BOYFRIEND.
WILLIE'S MY KID BROTHER.
I'M THERE WHEN HE NEEDS ME.
AND BASED ON THE LOOK IN HIS
EYES...
THIS IS BEAU.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
I THINK HE NEEDS ME.
YOU EVER HUNTED BEFORE, BEAU?
YES, SIR.
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT.
ALL RIGHT, GIRLS, Y'ALL HEAD
IN THE HOUSE.
IT'S MAN TIME.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
GOOD LUCK, BEAU.
THANK YOU.
BE NICE, DAD.
OH, HE'S GONNA BE NERVOUS,
ALL RIGHT.
HE BETTER BE.
I WANT THIS KID TO BE PEEING IN
HIS PANTS BY THE END OF THE DAY.
WHAT KIND OF GUN DO YOU SHOOT?
20-GAUGE.
WHAT KIND OF SHELLS?
2 3/4 FULL SHELL.
BEAU KNOWS GUNS.
SO HAVE YOU HAD A GIRLFRIEND
BEFORE?
YES, SIR.
HOW MANY?
YOU KNOW WHAT BOYS ARE ALL ABOUT
AT THAT AGE?
I DO, BECAUSE I WAS THAT AGE.
I HAD A SMALL BEARD AT THAT
TIME, AND, UH, IT WAS HARD
KEEPING 'EM OFF OF ME, HONESTLY.
HOW LONG Y'ALL BEEN SEEING EACH
OTHER?
2 1/2 MONTHS.
NOBODY TOLD ME.
NOPE.
I AIN'T SAYING IT WAS RIGHT
THOUGH.
ARE YOU SERIOUS, WILLIE?
IT WAS LIKE AN ONGOING
INVESTIGATION INTO A CRIME THAT
HAS NOT YET BEEN COMMITTED.
WHEN WAS YOUR FIRST GIRLFRIEND?
WHEN I WAS FIVE.
YOU LOOK SO WORRIED, GIRL.
I REALLY DON'T LIKE THE IDEA
OF JUST DAD AND BEAU BEING OUT
THERE, YOU KNOW?
THAT'S WHAT DADDIES ARE
SUPPOSED TO DO.
THAT JUST MEANS HE LOVES YOU.
YEAH...
MY MOMMA DIDN'T LIKE PHIL AT
ALL.
SHE REALLY DIDN'T.
YEAH.
SHE JUST KEPT TELLING ME HOW
MUCH BETTER I COULD DO.
HOW IS THAT HELPING?
WHAT COULD YOUR DAD DO?
I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT.
NO, THINK ABOUT IT.
THAT'S THE THING.
WHAT CAN MY DAD DO?
THERE THEY ARE.
HEY.
MISS SADIE, HOW YOU DOING?
HEY, GOOD.
SMELLS GOOD.
NOW SADIE, WILL YOU LOOK AT
THIS?
I WAS FIXING TO MAKE ME SOME
TEA, BUT SEE?
YOUR MAMAW HAD ME A GLASS FIXED.
I KNOW HIS MIND BETTER THAN
HE KNOWS HIS MIND.
SO WHEN YOU START DATING IN
ABOUT TEN YEARS, YOU'LL WANT TO
GET YOUR MAN SOME...
OH, PHIL!
SHE'S ALREADY DATING, PHIL.
NO.
BEING YOUTHFUL IS DANGEROUS
WHEN IT COME TO LOVE.
THEY'RE YOUNG AND THEY'RE MOVING
TOO RAPIDLY.
HOW OLD'S THAT GIRL?
SHE'S 14.
14?
NOW YOU KNOW WHY WILLIE'S A
LITTLE BIT NERVOUS.
HE AIN'T THE ONLY ONE
NERVOUS.
WHAT'S THIS GUY'S NAME?
BEAU.
BEAU?
I'VE LOOKED AT ENOUGH MEN ON
THIS PLANET TO KNOW YOU DON'T
WANT TO PUT YOUR FAITH IN THEM
FOR SURE, AT ALL.
BREED ANYTHING THAT WALKS.
WILL LIE, STEAL.
"I LOVE YOU, LET ME GET IN YOUR
BRITCHES."
SINCE WILLIE IS WITH BEAU...
YEAH.
ME AND OLD SI WILL TAKE SADIE
TO GO WITH US LOG HUNTING, AND
WE'LL GIVE HER A LITTLE SPEECH.
WE'LL TELL YOU ABOUT THE
PITFALLS OF DATING.
YOU NEED TO COUNT YOUR
BLESSINGS, SADIE, THAT YOU
DIDN'T HAVE UNCLE SI IN THE
BACKSEAT OF ALL OUR DATES WE
WENT ON.
HE HAD TO GO WITH US.
LOOK HERE, HEY, I WASN'T THAT
BAD.
MAMA MADE HIM TAKE ME ALONG.
YOU KNOW, THEY LOVED HAVING ME
AROUND.
HEY, I'D TURN MY HEAD AND SING
A LOVE SONG FOR 'EM.
YOU LEAVE THE CELL PHONE
RIGHT WHERE IT IS.
WE FIXING TO GET HER LINED OUT
ON OLD BEAU, YOU KNOW?
OH, NO, POOR SADIE.
WELL, WE'RE HERE.
TODAY, BEAU, WE'RE HUNTING AN
INFESTATION OF SNAKES IN OUR
DUCK BLIND.
MOST PEOPLE JUST WORRY ABOUT THE
BIG ONES.
IT'S THE LITTLE ONES THAT'LL GET
YOU.
THE YOUNG ONES.
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SCARE
HIM FOR?
HE JUST GOES INTO FULL ASSAULT.
I'M SURE HE'S SCARED OF
POISONOUS SNAKES.
LOSE HIS WHOLE HAND, LOSE A
FINGER.
IT'S AMAZING THAT SUCH A
SMALL GUY COULD BE SUCH A
FORMIDABLE OPPONENT.
MESSING WITH A POISONOUS
SNAKE, YOU GOTTA WATCH EVERY
STEP YOU MAKE, 'CAUSE THE MINUTE
YOU MAKE A...
EASY.
WHAT YOU GOT?
DON'T MOVE.
THERE'S A THIN LINE BETWEEN
INSANITY AND COPING WITH YOUR
DAUGHTER DATING.
YOU GOT HIM.
YOU GOT HIM FIRST SHOT.
WILLIE IS AS WOUND UP AS A COON
DOG TRYING TO PASS A PEACH SEED.
WHEN YOU SEE THOSE DOGS THAT
HAVE THAT, ALL THEIR MUSCLES ARE
CONTRACTED AND THEY JUST WALK
AROUND ON THEIR TIP-TOES ALL
DAY.
IT'S QUITE THE SHOW.
SEE, SON?
YOU GOTTA WATCH EVERY STEP YOU
TAKE.
THIS IS AWKWARD.
YOU COULD CUT THE TENSION WITH A
KNIFE.
WHAT KIND OF DANCING WE DOING
AT THIS DANCE?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
A DANCE IS THE SAME KIND OF
DANCE YOU WERE AT.
THERE GONNA BE SLOW-DANCING
THERE?
OF COURSE THERE'S
SLOW-DANCING!
THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF HAVING
A DANCE.
SOMETIMES THEY DON'T
SLOW-DANCE.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
IT'S MY JOB TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD.
THIS IS NOT A FUNERAL...
YET.
IT'S MORE LIKE HUGGING AND
THEY'RE JUST MOVING LIKE TWO
ZOMBIES.
THAT'S THE EASIEST DANCE.
DANCING AND YOU'RE HUGGING
AND IT LEADS TO KISSING AND
MAKING OUT.
THAT'S WHY YOU GOTTA TELL
HIM, HANDS ON THE HANDS, LIPS ON
THE LIPS.
WHAT KIND OF ADVICE IS THAT?
EVERYTHING ELSE, WAIT TILL
YOU GET MARRIED.
HEY, LOVE GURU, I GET TO MAKE
THE GUIDELINES.
IT'S MY DAUGHTER.
GIVE HIM FIRST BASE.
WHEN YOU TRY TO TAKE FIRST BASE
AWAY, THAT'S IT.
THEY GO TO ANOTHER BALLPARK.
WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?
I'M JUST ASKING!
YOU TELLING HIM TO GO LIPS ON
THE LIPS.
THAT'S WHAT YOU DO.
THAT'S WHAT YOU DID!
GIVE ME MY HAT.
UH-HUH.
DON'T MESS WITH ANOTHER MAN'S
HAT, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE'S GOT A
LOADED GUN.
I GOT A LOADED WEAPON TOO.
GIVE ME MY HAT, WILL.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL GIVE IT TO
YOU IN ONE SECOND.
AW, SHUCKS!
I HOPE HIS HAT STAYS UP THERE.
I HOPE A SQUIRREL BUILDS A NEST
IN IT...
GO GET IT.
WHAT ARE YOU, TEN?
AND TAKES A DUMP IN IT.
IF I WAS YOU, I WOULD BREAK
UP WITH HER RIGHT NOW JUST SO
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS
IDIOT.
YOU'RE STUPID, WILLIE.
GIVE ME MY HAT, WILL.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL GIVE IT TO
YOU IN ONE SECOND.
AW, SHUCKS!
TODAY REALLY HASN'T GONE
ACCORDING TO PLAN.
I'M TRYING TO BE INTIMIDATING.
GO GET IT.
I'VE GOT THIS KID RIGHT WHERE I
WANT HIM, BUT I HAVE MADE A
TACTICAL MISTAKE.
IF I WAS YOU, I WOULD BREAK
UP WITH HER RIGHT NOW JUST SO
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS
IDIOT.
BRINGING JASE.
OH, MY GOODNESS.
WHERE I COME FROM, YOU DON'T
MESS WITH ANOTHER MAN'S WOMAN OR
HIS HAT.
I DON'T CARE WHAT KIND OF STRESS
YOU'RE UNDER, DON'T TOUCH MY
HAT!
WILLIE, YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A
SPAZ.
WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP?
HERE WE GO.
WHEN OLD BEAU DECIDED TO
START DATING YOU, HE'S ENTERED
THE ROBERTSON ZONE.
OH, YEAH, YEP.
WE ARE GOING TO EXAMINE
HIM...
YEP.
INVESTIGATE HIM...
OH, YEAH.
AND ANALYZE HIM.
AND THEN FIND OUT ABOUT HIM.
I FEEL FOR OLD WILL.
YOU GOT A FULL-TIME JOB ON YOUR
HANDS KEEPING THESE BOYS AWAY.
IT'S LIKE HONEY.
THEY DRAW 'EM.
WHAT KIND OF GRADES DOES HE
MAKE?
"A"s AND "B"s.
WELL, HE'S SMARTER THAN ME
AND OLD SI THERE.
YEP.
ON MY OWN DAUGHTER'S FIRST DATE,
I WENT WITH 'EM.
HE DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE, 'CAUSE,
HEY, THE ALL-SEEING EYES OF ME
WAS ON HIM THE WHOLE TIME.
WOULD YOU CONCLUDE THAT HE'S
A GODLY MAN?
DEFINITELY.
IS HE A HUNTER?
DUCK HUNTER, YEAH.
WELL, GOOD NIGHT.
HE'S THE QUARTERBACK.
THE QUARTERBACK?
YES, SIR.
OLD BEAU'S SOUNDING BETTER
ALL THE TIME.
PRETTY IMPRESSIVE YOUNG BUCK.
GOT A GOOD HEAD ON HIM.
HE'S A GODLY MAN.
THAT'S A GOOD THING AS FAR AS
OLD BEAU IS CONCERNED.
IT'S TIME TO GET STRAIGHT TO THE
POINT.
SO HOW LONG DID YOU WAIT BEFORE
YOU LET HIM KISS YOU?
IT'S A SIMPLE QUESTION.
HOW LONG DID YOU WAIT TILL YOU
LET HIM KISS YOU?
I DIDN'T WAIT TOO LONG.
NO.
HOW LONG DID YOU WAIT TO KISS
MISS KAY?
I WASN'T MUCH OF A KISSER,
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
SO LOOK, BEAU, IS THERE
KISSES GOING ON AT THESE DANCES,
OR...
I'M NOT SURE.
WELL, YOU BETTER GET SURE.
THEY'RE GONNA KISS, THAT'S
WHAT THEY DO.
JASE IS BEING AN IDIOT.
I'M TRYING TO PROTECT MY
DAUGHTER FROM THIS LITTLE
PIPSQUEAK SHE'S DATING, AND HE'S
TALKING ABOUT KISSING HER ON THE
LIPS, AND I DON'T THINK IT'S
FUNNY.
TAKE HER FEELINGS INTO ACCOUNT.
YES, SIR.
I WANT TO PUT A BALLOON IN
BETWEEN THEM WHILE THEY'RE
DANCING.
I TAKE THAT BACK.
FOUR BALLOONS.
BE RESPECTFUL.
THERE'S A SNAKE RIGHT THERE.
WHOA.
WHOA!
EASY.
SHOOT HIM!
WOW.
OH, MY GOODNESS.
PICK UP THE PIECES.
NO, YOU GOT HIM.
AIN'T NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT.
LOOK... THAT'S ALL THAT'S LEFT.
THERE'S HALF OF IT.
HALF?
THAT'S, LIKE, 10%.
GOOD SHOT, BEAU.
I LIKE THAT.
I'M STILL NOT OKAY WITH THIS
WHOLE THING, BUT I WILL HAVE TO
GIVE IT TO THE KID.
HE'S A GOOD SHOT.
WHAT DO I THINK ABOUT BEAU?
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
GOOD SHOT, SON.
I SAW PIECES GO IN EVERY
DIRECTION.
WE HAD A GOOD HUNT OUT THERE.
OH, MAN!
DID YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME,
BEAU?
YES, MA'AM, HAD A GREAT TIME.
HE HANDLED HIMSELF WELL.
GOOD.
I MEAN, THE KID'S ALL RIGHT,
BUT LET'S DON'T GET TOO CARRIED
AWAY.
HEY, HE'S MR. SHOTGUN MAN
RIGHT HERE.
I THINK JASE HAS A MAN-CRUSH
ON BEAU.
THERE SHE IS.
HEY, Y'ALL.
SADIE!
THE LADY OF THE HOUR.
HEY.
HOW'D IT GO?
BEAU KILLED HIM A SNAKE.
GOOD.
OLD BEAU'S ALL RIGHT, I'M
TELLING YOU.
GOOD, IS HE INVITED BACK,
WILLIE?
YEP, HE CAN COME BACK.
PRETTY GOOD WITH A SHOTGUN.
HE'S A SNAKE GUNNER.
HEY, THAT'S A NOBLE QUALITY
IN THIS WORLD.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET OUT OF
HERE.
I'LL ADMIT, BEAU DOES KNOW
HIS GUNS, AND I AM A LITTLE
IMPRESSED, BUT I'M NOT TELLING
HIM I'M IMPRESSED.
I LIKE THAT BOY.
I DO TOO.
HE AIN'T BAD.
LOOK, WHEN THEY TURN OL'
LIONEL RICHIE ON AT THE DANCE,
THEY GONNA START SLOW-DANCING,
GET UP ALL NICE AND CLOSE, SWAP
SOME SPIT.
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE OFF
RUNNING, AND I'LL GIVE YOU TWO
SECONDS BEFORE I START SHOOTING
AT YOU?
YOU SHOOT AT ME, YOU BETTER
NOT MISS.
AH, HERE SHE COMES!
WHOO-OOH!
HEY, HEY, HEY.
LOOKIE HERE, LOOKIE HERE,
LOOKIE HERE.
SADIE LOOKS GORGEOUS.
TOO GORGEOUS.
THAT BEAU BETTER BEHAVE.
HEY.
HEY.
HOW'S IT GOING, BUDDY?
YOU ALL RIGHT?
YES, SIR.
GOOD TO SEE YOU, MAN.
HEY.
HOW ARE YOU?
EASY, EASY.
BEAU LOOKS GREAT.
HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S STILL SCARED.
BYE, MOM.
BEAU, I GOT YOU A LITTLE
SOMETHING HERE.
UH-OH.
YOU'RE A PRETTY GOOD SHOT.
HERE'S YOU A DUCK CALL.
THAT'S AWESOME.
THANK YOU, MR. WILLIE.
I CAN'T ADMIT THAT I LIKE
THIS KID... HE'S DATING MY
DAUGHTER... BUT
I KINDA LIKE HIM.
MAYBE YOU'LL GET TO GO OUT THERE
WITH US AND HUNT ONE DAY.
ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.
JUST MAKE SURE YOUR LIPS ARE
ONLY ON THAT, ALL RIGHT?
YES, SIR.
YOU GOT THAT?
DAD!
ALL RIGHT, I'M JUST PICKING.
NOT REALLY.
SERIOUSLY.
OH, GOSH.
WILLIE.
IF HIS LIPS ARE GONNA BE ON
SOMETHING I MADE, I'D RATHER IT
BE A DUCK CALL.
FATHER, WE'RE SO THANKFUL FOR
THIS DAY.
THANK YOU FOR THE MANY, MANY
BLESSINGS THAT YOU GIVE US.
WE JUST PRAY FOR SADIE AND BEAU
AND THEIR YOUNG RELATIONSHIP.
AMEN.
All: AMEN.
AS A FATHER, NOTHING MAKES ME
HAPPIER THAN SEEING A SMILE ON
MY DAUGHTER'S FACE AND FEAR IN
HER BOYFRIEND'S EYES.
IT'S NOT EASY BEING A GOOD
PARENT.
YOU WANT TO STAY INVOLVED IN
THEIR LIVES, BUT YOU DON'T WANT
TO SMOTHER 'EM.
IT'S A DELICATE BALANCE, LIKE
SI'S SANITY.
IN THE END, I JUST WANT MY
DAUGHTER TO FIND A GOOD MAN SHE
CAN GROW OLD WITH, LIKE PHIL AND
KAY.
I JUST HOPE SHE ISN'T PLANNING
ON GETTING MARRIED AT 16.
HEY, WILLIE, WHAT DO YOU
THINK BEAU AND SADIE ARE DOING
RIGHT NOW?
HEY, JASE, WHY DON'T YOU SHUT
UP?