Drunk History (2013–…): Season 2, Episode 9 - Sports Heroes - full transcript
Jim Thorpe is named the greatest athlete of the 20th century, Babe Didrikson breaks down gender barriers in sports, and Jim Abbott achieves prominence as a pitcher despite having only one hand. Featuring Jason Momoa, Zach Gilford and Emily Deschanel.
- Jim Thorpe was like,
I think I am gonna work harder.
And I'm gonna be
your motherfucker.
- After Babe won the Olympics,
Amelia Earhart's like,
hey, you want to get
in my plane and disappear?
And she's like, no, but
I'll take a picture with you.
- Everybody in the place
is like, boo!
We are Cuban.
What Jim Abbott said was,
oh, that's nice
that you're Cuban.
I don't give a shit.
♪♪
- For me,
the perfect sports hero...
It's not just their game.
It's them.
They're a person.
- Break the expectation.
That's what makes a sports hero,
who says, fuck that.
I'm doing it anyway.
- If your team isn't winning,
you're miserable.
- You know, you feel
a connection to your home team.
- Well, in Baltimore,
we got an old saying.
- What's that?
- Fuck the Yankees.
- Fucking hate the Yankees.
- Come on, man.
Come on.
Hey, guys, come on.
Let's go in here, man.
We're getting loose.
Let's do this.
Fucking, let's capture magic.
- We're with you.
- Hello.
Today we're gonna talk
about Jim Thorpe.
Jim Thorpe
was a Native-American.
He entered
Carlisle High School in 1907.
He was the best at football.
The best.
His coach, Pop Warner,
was saying,
you know, you could be
an Olympian.
And so he starts realizing that,
and he's like,
I think I am gonna work harder
than you've ever seen
anyone work,
and I'm gonna be
your motherfucker.
So he starts training
for this new event,
the decathlon.
Uh...
- So how did he prepare?
- How did who prepare?
- Jim Thorpe.
- For the Olympics?
He would wake up in the morning
and run 20 miles,
take a nap, eat a mild lunch,
and then run every fucking event
in the decathlon.
That is cr-azy.
That is...
That is cr-azy.
W... 1912, Sweden, you know,
Stockholm, Sweden.
This is the Olympics.
This is... this is
the best of the world.
This Avery Brundage guy, is...
Was the favorite.
He was a white guy,
and he's like,
I'm gonna be the man, the dude.
And Jim Thorpe walked in
out of nowhere.
People were like, fuck...
Like, how is he there?
He's there,
and... and after the first day,
Jim Thorpe has the point lead,
and Avery is like,
what the fuck?
Who is this guy from?
Who is he?
All of a sudden,
this Indian is in the lead.
Avery Brundage is the favorite.
I mean, it's been in the papers.
It's been in... in... in everything.
Well, the next day, we wake up,
and Jim Thorpe walked in,
and his shoes were gone.
And he's like,
where are my shoes?
Somebody took my shoes, man.
And nobody answers.
Nobody answers.
Nobody takes responsibility
for the actions,
but his shoes are gone, man.
Everyone pointed the finger
at Avery Brundage,
but Jim says,
well, guess what, you know?
If I can't find
my original things,
I'm gonna be resourceful.
I'm gonna not give up,
'cause I've trained so hard,
and I'm gonna compete,
and guess what.
I'm gonna whup ass.
So he finds two random shoes
from the trash and competes.
Day two is 110 meters hurdles.
So we're jumping.
Discus throw... Foom.
Pole vault.
Javelin throw... Voom.
And then 1,500 meters.
Despite having shoes
that he found in the garbage,
Jim Thorpe won the gold medal
for the decathlon
and pentathlon.
What he did was unbelievable.
It...
He just was like,
I've done everything
that I could do.
I've done ever-y-thing.
I'm talking about ever-y-thing.
I'm talking about...
Ever-y-thing.
I've done everything.
The king of Sweden,
he came up to him,
and he shook his hand,
and he said,
Jim, you are the best athlete
in the world.
And Jim said...
Thanks.
That's what his response was,
just "thanks."
He didn't know what else to say,
'cause he'd trained so hard.
He was a international hero,
and in New York,
he had a parade
on Broadway Street.
Years later, he played
professional basketball,
professional baseball,
professional football.
Jim Thorpe,
College Football Hall of Fame,
Pro Football Hall of Fame,
Track Hall of Fame,
Olympic Hall of Fame.
And then in 1999,
Congress gets involved,
and they say,
guess what.
Giddyup.
He was the greatest athlete
of the 20th century,
period.
Jim Thorpe competed
in 17 events in the Olympics.
That has never been matched
and will never,
ever be matched again.
I can do all those
if y'all want to see them.
- I think that's a good idea.
How drunk do you feel?
- Out of one to ten?
Six.
- How comfortable
do you feel doing a hurdle?
- Six.
I'm gonna say one, a-two,
a-one, two, three.
- And then do I go
on three or right after?
- No, I'm gonna go
one, two, a-one, two.
We're gonna go on three.
- And we'll go on three.
- Ready?
A-one, two, a-one, two, three.
I think I'm bleeding.
- No, you're not.
- So, yeah,
I want to get suited up.
How do you get suited up?
'Cause I put
these shoulder pads on.
- Safety is everything,
because you got big linebackers
like myself coming to kill you.
Get it, get it, get it.
- Find the hole.
Find the hole.
- Does this look normal?
- Um, we can work with it.
- Not to brag, Terrell,
this is a youth extra-large.
- Okay.
Run deep.
We're gonna throw you some ball.
Hey!
Kid's a natural.
Nobody really does
touchdown dances anymore.
No, don't do that.
That's a penalty.
You can't take your helmet off.
There we go.
Go get it.
Oh, my God.
Y'all getting this?
Pretty good.
That's pretty legal.
Textbook right there.
- Suck it!
Suck that shit.
- That's a flag.
- I can't yell...
- Can't taunt.
- Play like a Raven.
- Play like a Raven.
- Yeah.
- I could see a movie
where, like, babies die,
and I don't cry,
but if I watch, like, Hoosiers,
then I start bawling, you know?
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
Hey, what's up?
Today we're gonna talk
about Babe Didrikson Zaharias.
Okay, this is a woman.
Her name is Babe Didrikson.
So Babe, when she was like 12,
a kid, like, called her
a tomboy or something,
and she, like, punched him
in the face.
And then the teacher was like,
fuck it.
Like, I'm gonna let you play
with the other boys
if you're gonna,
like, start punching people.
So she started
playing everything,
playing basketball,
playing baseball.
She was diving.
She knew
that she was, like, gifted,
and so she actually said,
I'm gonna be the greatest
athlete of all time.
Like, she's actually
stated that.
Like, so there's that.
So her dad is, like,
into her being into sports.
He was like,
I will build you, like,
this weight lifting machine
so you can, like,
get, like, big like a man.
And so when she was old enough,
she starts, like,
lifting weights,
practicing track and field,
and she's like,
I'm gonna be an Olympic athlete.
So Babe gets into the Olympics.
- Yeah, that's pretty cool.
- She gets into the Olympics.
She kicks ass.
Gets a world record in javelin,
wins in hurdles.
She wins two golds
and one silver.
Becomes, like, world-famous.
Babe Ruth's like,
hang out with me,
and she's like, okay.
Amelia Earhart's like,
hey, you want to get in my plane
and disappear?
And she's like, no,
but I'll take a picture
with you.
Babe has this, like, fame,
and she's achieved this status,
but for women,
like, there's not much to do
in professional sports,
so Babe is a little bummed.
She's like, why don't I get
into, um, uh,
some, like, vaudeville shit?
They're like,
the Amazing Amazon...
That's what they called her...
Like, Wonder Girl,
the Terrific Tomboy.
They would have her,
like, ride up on a donkey
on the stage
and, like, shoot baskets
and, like, flex.
I don't really know
what the show was,
but I guess back then,
that was, like,
a very exciting thing.
But she was like,
I don't want to do this anymore.
I really just want to be outside
and in the sports arena.
I said this shit about being
the greatest athlete.
Like, I... what am I gonna do?
Hmm, what can I do?
Bingo, golf,
she says to herself.
- Nobody was listening.
Who was she talking to?
She...
She was talking to herself.
So she, like, picks up
a golf club
and starts hitting balls.
And she's like,
okay, I'm... I like this.
She starts practicing
ten hours a day.
Then Babe is like,
there aren't any tournaments
for professional women.
What the fuck do I do?
And then her dad is like,
this is... you're depressing me,
and, like, I... this is bullshit.
So then she has a great idea.
I'm gonna... I'm gonna per...
I'm gonna, uh,
get in a men's tournament.
Her dad is like,
that's a great idea.
So she enters
a dude's tournament.
It's controversial.
Reporters really, like,
bagged on her.
Like, it would be much better
if her ilk stayed at home,
prettied themselves up,
and waited for the phone
to ring.
But Babe doesn't give a shit.
She hit this,
like, 250-yard drive.
People are asking her like,
Babe, like,
how do you hit 250 yards?
And she's like, I just loosened
my girdle and let her rip.
At this point, Babe is married,
but she meets this woman
Betty Dodd.
Betty was like, you're my idol.
I think
you're the greatest athlete.
Babe is like, I said that once.
You're my lady.
And so Betty becomes, like,
her lesbian lover,
and Betty was like,
you're an awesome golfer.
Like, you should
definitely be playing.
Just shut the fuck up.
Like, listen to me, Babe.
Babe's like,
I didn't say anything,
but why can't there be
a professional league for women?
And she's like,
that's the best idea
I've ever heard.
So she decides to do it.
She, like, goes and talks
to all her ladies.
She's like, the LPGA.
L stands for ladies.
It's pretty genius.
Who's with me?
And 13 ladies do it.
And they start
a professional league.
She starts winning like crazy.
She wins 14 tournaments
in a row,
which is, like, unheard of.
She just wins, wins, wins.
She's like, I'm Babe.
I'm gonna...
Who's finishing second
or whatever?
I'm Babe.
Suck my dick.
Things are going great.
Women are into her,
not sexually,
but yes, but not.
She's at the top of her game,
and she finds out
that she has cancer,
which is fucking awful.
So she is like,
I'm at the top of my game.
Like, fuck it.
Whatever.
You have to have some,
like, serious game to do that.
- She missed the competition,
right?
- Yeah, but Babe
was gonna come back.
So she has the surgery.
A year later,
she comes back pretty strong,
and she goes back out
on the golf course.
Betty is by her side.
She totally, like,
blows everyone away,
and she wins the U.S. Open.
- Going down!
- Oh!
- Yeah!
Shot, shot.
- Oh!
- Yay!
- The whole press says
that she was the best,
like, athlete to...
Like, the female athlete
to ever, like, walk this earth.
- And that's what she wanted.
- That's what she wanted.
The greatest in the universe.
- That includes space.
- That was awesome.
- Great job.
- All right.
- Well, see you later.
- Welcome back
to Drunk History: Sports Heroes.
- Oh, come on.
Oh, I drank wine?
I drank all this apparently.
- Hello,
today we're going to talk
about the baseball pitcher
Jim Abbott.
- Cheers, Matt Jones.
- Cheers.
Shit.
So Jim Abbott was born in 1967,
but he didn't have a right hand.
And so when he was, like,
five or six,
Jim was like,
I want to play sports.
Jim's dad, Mike, is like,
you should maybe think
about soccer.
Soccer is a European sport
with feet.
You don't have
to use your hands.
Actually the only rule in soccer
is don't use your hands.
And Jim's like, no,
I'm not a fucking European.
I'm an American.
I want to play baseball.
His parents loved him.
They were like, even though
you can't do any... everything,
dream anything.
There... he had to develop
his own method to play baseball.
He used to practice against
the wall in his backyard.
Then he would go closer
and closer and closer
as he got older
until he was right up
against the wall
and catching it like that.
In his first
Little League game ever,
he pitched a no-hitter.
He pitched a nine-inning game.
No one gets a hit.
So then after he had
the no-hitter, years later,
word got out
to the high school coaches,
and they were like,
he can throw a ball, sure,
but what if someone hits
a ball to him?
And as soon as he said that,
Jim was like,
you want to see this shit?
Pitch!
Someone hit a hard grounder
straight at Jim Abbott.
Catch!
Hand out of glove, throw,
out at first base,
all within, like,
a half a second.
So fast.
And the high school coach
was like, oh, never mind.
You just answered my question.
Put him on my team.
I'm an asshole.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Wine is the devil!
Okay, where are we at?
Oh, I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
Throughout
his high school career,
he pitched four no-hitters,
including a perfect game.
So he gets his education,
plays
for the University of Michigan,
the Wolverines.
When he got there,
there was so much press there.
After the two bad games,
people were like,
ah, he sucks.
This is a publicity stunt.
This guy is not a real pitcher.
They're just trying to be nice
to a kid with a handicap.
And all of the press left.
Hank, come on.
Come in here and lay down.
Once they left,
he started pitching amazing.
Lay down.
Lay down, fat fucking banana.
He was not only a good pitcher,
but he was a good batter
who would hit home runs.
They win over and over.
He's like, I throw this shit
90 miles an hour.
In the '80s, the year 1980s,
not in the 80s of speedball.
Oh, Jesus, I got
to start that again.
- No, you're fine.
- So I'm gonna throw the ball
in the 80s miles per hour
in the 1990s,
which is very impressive.
- You switched 'em up.
- So I'm Jim Abbott.
- Right.
- I'm throwing the ball
in the 90s
in the 1980s.
Very impressive.
Come on.
- Jim Abbott and Costello.
- Yeah, Jim Abbott.
He was playing baseball
like he said he would, and...
They were, like, putting
together the national team,
and they were like,
I don't know if he can do it,
but it's good PR.
Let's do it.
They put him
on the national team.
- Okay, Matty,
I brought a glove,
and I would love
for you and I to just, like,
try to do
the Jim Abbott out there.
- Okay.
- Is that cool with you?
- Yeah, great.
Okay, ready?
So I caught it.
- Yeah.
- Pull it off, throw it.
- Let's try to get
three in a row, no droppies.
- Got it.
- One, two.
One, two, three.
Oh, Jesus.
- I love that.
Um...
- But, yeah, so do you remember
what you were saying?
No, I don't.
So he gets put
on the national team,
and the national team
take him down
to the Pan American Games,
and the biggest superpower
in the Pan American Games
is Cuba,
Fidel Castro's Cuba,
because Fidel loves communism,
and he loves baseball.
Those are a couple things
he loves.
There is a huge separation
between the American
and Cuban regime.
Jim Abbott walks out
and starts for America,
and everybody in the place
is like, boo!
We are Cuban,
the greatest baseball players
in the world.
How can you possibly think
you can beat us?
Americans with two hands
can't beat us.
♪♪
He was like, oh,
that's nice that you're Cuban.
I don't give a shit.
♪♪
His performance
in the Pan American Cuba Games
was so remarkable
that by the end of the game,
50,000 Cubans...
They gave him a standing ovation
when he left the field.
There were no Americans
in the stand,
because they were not
allowed in Cuba.
And, like,
Fidel Castro came down,
shook his hand,
and was like, nice.
That was a big deal,
telling
an American player "Nice."
And he went on to play
for, like, ten years
in the Major Leagues.
Every step of the way,
high school, college,
the majors,
people said, can you do it?
He was such a positive person.
He would say stuff like,
everyone has disabilities.
Mine are just more visible.
It makes everybody feel
that they're in his camp.
It's incredible.
I respect that shit.
Look at your limitations
and say, fuck you, limitations.
I'm gonna do whatever I want.
And that's the American dream.
Wow.
- Um, what else
do you want to talk about?
- As soon as the ball
leaves my fingers,
I stick the glove to my hand,
and then if the ball is hit,
I catch it, pull it here,
pull out the ball,
and throw it to first,
all within, like,
a half a second.
I think I am gonna work harder.
And I'm gonna be
your motherfucker.
- After Babe won the Olympics,
Amelia Earhart's like,
hey, you want to get
in my plane and disappear?
And she's like, no, but
I'll take a picture with you.
- Everybody in the place
is like, boo!
We are Cuban.
What Jim Abbott said was,
oh, that's nice
that you're Cuban.
I don't give a shit.
♪♪
- For me,
the perfect sports hero...
It's not just their game.
It's them.
They're a person.
- Break the expectation.
That's what makes a sports hero,
who says, fuck that.
I'm doing it anyway.
- If your team isn't winning,
you're miserable.
- You know, you feel
a connection to your home team.
- Well, in Baltimore,
we got an old saying.
- What's that?
- Fuck the Yankees.
- Fucking hate the Yankees.
- Come on, man.
Come on.
Hey, guys, come on.
Let's go in here, man.
We're getting loose.
Let's do this.
Fucking, let's capture magic.
- We're with you.
- Hello.
Today we're gonna talk
about Jim Thorpe.
Jim Thorpe
was a Native-American.
He entered
Carlisle High School in 1907.
He was the best at football.
The best.
His coach, Pop Warner,
was saying,
you know, you could be
an Olympian.
And so he starts realizing that,
and he's like,
I think I am gonna work harder
than you've ever seen
anyone work,
and I'm gonna be
your motherfucker.
So he starts training
for this new event,
the decathlon.
Uh...
- So how did he prepare?
- How did who prepare?
- Jim Thorpe.
- For the Olympics?
He would wake up in the morning
and run 20 miles,
take a nap, eat a mild lunch,
and then run every fucking event
in the decathlon.
That is cr-azy.
That is...
That is cr-azy.
W... 1912, Sweden, you know,
Stockholm, Sweden.
This is the Olympics.
This is... this is
the best of the world.
This Avery Brundage guy, is...
Was the favorite.
He was a white guy,
and he's like,
I'm gonna be the man, the dude.
And Jim Thorpe walked in
out of nowhere.
People were like, fuck...
Like, how is he there?
He's there,
and... and after the first day,
Jim Thorpe has the point lead,
and Avery is like,
what the fuck?
Who is this guy from?
Who is he?
All of a sudden,
this Indian is in the lead.
Avery Brundage is the favorite.
I mean, it's been in the papers.
It's been in... in... in everything.
Well, the next day, we wake up,
and Jim Thorpe walked in,
and his shoes were gone.
And he's like,
where are my shoes?
Somebody took my shoes, man.
And nobody answers.
Nobody answers.
Nobody takes responsibility
for the actions,
but his shoes are gone, man.
Everyone pointed the finger
at Avery Brundage,
but Jim says,
well, guess what, you know?
If I can't find
my original things,
I'm gonna be resourceful.
I'm gonna not give up,
'cause I've trained so hard,
and I'm gonna compete,
and guess what.
I'm gonna whup ass.
So he finds two random shoes
from the trash and competes.
Day two is 110 meters hurdles.
So we're jumping.
Discus throw... Foom.
Pole vault.
Javelin throw... Voom.
And then 1,500 meters.
Despite having shoes
that he found in the garbage,
Jim Thorpe won the gold medal
for the decathlon
and pentathlon.
What he did was unbelievable.
It...
He just was like,
I've done everything
that I could do.
I've done ever-y-thing.
I'm talking about ever-y-thing.
I'm talking about...
Ever-y-thing.
I've done everything.
The king of Sweden,
he came up to him,
and he shook his hand,
and he said,
Jim, you are the best athlete
in the world.
And Jim said...
Thanks.
That's what his response was,
just "thanks."
He didn't know what else to say,
'cause he'd trained so hard.
He was a international hero,
and in New York,
he had a parade
on Broadway Street.
Years later, he played
professional basketball,
professional baseball,
professional football.
Jim Thorpe,
College Football Hall of Fame,
Pro Football Hall of Fame,
Track Hall of Fame,
Olympic Hall of Fame.
And then in 1999,
Congress gets involved,
and they say,
guess what.
Giddyup.
He was the greatest athlete
of the 20th century,
period.
Jim Thorpe competed
in 17 events in the Olympics.
That has never been matched
and will never,
ever be matched again.
I can do all those
if y'all want to see them.
- I think that's a good idea.
How drunk do you feel?
- Out of one to ten?
Six.
- How comfortable
do you feel doing a hurdle?
- Six.
I'm gonna say one, a-two,
a-one, two, three.
- And then do I go
on three or right after?
- No, I'm gonna go
one, two, a-one, two.
We're gonna go on three.
- And we'll go on three.
- Ready?
A-one, two, a-one, two, three.
I think I'm bleeding.
- No, you're not.
- So, yeah,
I want to get suited up.
How do you get suited up?
'Cause I put
these shoulder pads on.
- Safety is everything,
because you got big linebackers
like myself coming to kill you.
Get it, get it, get it.
- Find the hole.
Find the hole.
- Does this look normal?
- Um, we can work with it.
- Not to brag, Terrell,
this is a youth extra-large.
- Okay.
Run deep.
We're gonna throw you some ball.
Hey!
Kid's a natural.
Nobody really does
touchdown dances anymore.
No, don't do that.
That's a penalty.
You can't take your helmet off.
There we go.
Go get it.
Oh, my God.
Y'all getting this?
Pretty good.
That's pretty legal.
Textbook right there.
- Suck it!
Suck that shit.
- That's a flag.
- I can't yell...
- Can't taunt.
- Play like a Raven.
- Play like a Raven.
- Yeah.
- I could see a movie
where, like, babies die,
and I don't cry,
but if I watch, like, Hoosiers,
then I start bawling, you know?
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
Hey, what's up?
Today we're gonna talk
about Babe Didrikson Zaharias.
Okay, this is a woman.
Her name is Babe Didrikson.
So Babe, when she was like 12,
a kid, like, called her
a tomboy or something,
and she, like, punched him
in the face.
And then the teacher was like,
fuck it.
Like, I'm gonna let you play
with the other boys
if you're gonna,
like, start punching people.
So she started
playing everything,
playing basketball,
playing baseball.
She was diving.
She knew
that she was, like, gifted,
and so she actually said,
I'm gonna be the greatest
athlete of all time.
Like, she's actually
stated that.
Like, so there's that.
So her dad is, like,
into her being into sports.
He was like,
I will build you, like,
this weight lifting machine
so you can, like,
get, like, big like a man.
And so when she was old enough,
she starts, like,
lifting weights,
practicing track and field,
and she's like,
I'm gonna be an Olympic athlete.
So Babe gets into the Olympics.
- Yeah, that's pretty cool.
- She gets into the Olympics.
She kicks ass.
Gets a world record in javelin,
wins in hurdles.
She wins two golds
and one silver.
Becomes, like, world-famous.
Babe Ruth's like,
hang out with me,
and she's like, okay.
Amelia Earhart's like,
hey, you want to get in my plane
and disappear?
And she's like, no,
but I'll take a picture
with you.
Babe has this, like, fame,
and she's achieved this status,
but for women,
like, there's not much to do
in professional sports,
so Babe is a little bummed.
She's like, why don't I get
into, um, uh,
some, like, vaudeville shit?
They're like,
the Amazing Amazon...
That's what they called her...
Like, Wonder Girl,
the Terrific Tomboy.
They would have her,
like, ride up on a donkey
on the stage
and, like, shoot baskets
and, like, flex.
I don't really know
what the show was,
but I guess back then,
that was, like,
a very exciting thing.
But she was like,
I don't want to do this anymore.
I really just want to be outside
and in the sports arena.
I said this shit about being
the greatest athlete.
Like, I... what am I gonna do?
Hmm, what can I do?
Bingo, golf,
she says to herself.
- Nobody was listening.
Who was she talking to?
She...
She was talking to herself.
So she, like, picks up
a golf club
and starts hitting balls.
And she's like,
okay, I'm... I like this.
She starts practicing
ten hours a day.
Then Babe is like,
there aren't any tournaments
for professional women.
What the fuck do I do?
And then her dad is like,
this is... you're depressing me,
and, like, I... this is bullshit.
So then she has a great idea.
I'm gonna... I'm gonna per...
I'm gonna, uh,
get in a men's tournament.
Her dad is like,
that's a great idea.
So she enters
a dude's tournament.
It's controversial.
Reporters really, like,
bagged on her.
Like, it would be much better
if her ilk stayed at home,
prettied themselves up,
and waited for the phone
to ring.
But Babe doesn't give a shit.
She hit this,
like, 250-yard drive.
People are asking her like,
Babe, like,
how do you hit 250 yards?
And she's like, I just loosened
my girdle and let her rip.
At this point, Babe is married,
but she meets this woman
Betty Dodd.
Betty was like, you're my idol.
I think
you're the greatest athlete.
Babe is like, I said that once.
You're my lady.
And so Betty becomes, like,
her lesbian lover,
and Betty was like,
you're an awesome golfer.
Like, you should
definitely be playing.
Just shut the fuck up.
Like, listen to me, Babe.
Babe's like,
I didn't say anything,
but why can't there be
a professional league for women?
And she's like,
that's the best idea
I've ever heard.
So she decides to do it.
She, like, goes and talks
to all her ladies.
She's like, the LPGA.
L stands for ladies.
It's pretty genius.
Who's with me?
And 13 ladies do it.
And they start
a professional league.
She starts winning like crazy.
She wins 14 tournaments
in a row,
which is, like, unheard of.
She just wins, wins, wins.
She's like, I'm Babe.
I'm gonna...
Who's finishing second
or whatever?
I'm Babe.
Suck my dick.
Things are going great.
Women are into her,
not sexually,
but yes, but not.
She's at the top of her game,
and she finds out
that she has cancer,
which is fucking awful.
So she is like,
I'm at the top of my game.
Like, fuck it.
Whatever.
You have to have some,
like, serious game to do that.
- She missed the competition,
right?
- Yeah, but Babe
was gonna come back.
So she has the surgery.
A year later,
she comes back pretty strong,
and she goes back out
on the golf course.
Betty is by her side.
She totally, like,
blows everyone away,
and she wins the U.S. Open.
- Going down!
- Oh!
- Yeah!
Shot, shot.
- Oh!
- Yay!
- The whole press says
that she was the best,
like, athlete to...
Like, the female athlete
to ever, like, walk this earth.
- And that's what she wanted.
- That's what she wanted.
The greatest in the universe.
- That includes space.
- That was awesome.
- Great job.
- All right.
- Well, see you later.
- Welcome back
to Drunk History: Sports Heroes.
- Oh, come on.
Oh, I drank wine?
I drank all this apparently.
- Hello,
today we're going to talk
about the baseball pitcher
Jim Abbott.
- Cheers, Matt Jones.
- Cheers.
Shit.
So Jim Abbott was born in 1967,
but he didn't have a right hand.
And so when he was, like,
five or six,
Jim was like,
I want to play sports.
Jim's dad, Mike, is like,
you should maybe think
about soccer.
Soccer is a European sport
with feet.
You don't have
to use your hands.
Actually the only rule in soccer
is don't use your hands.
And Jim's like, no,
I'm not a fucking European.
I'm an American.
I want to play baseball.
His parents loved him.
They were like, even though
you can't do any... everything,
dream anything.
There... he had to develop
his own method to play baseball.
He used to practice against
the wall in his backyard.
Then he would go closer
and closer and closer
as he got older
until he was right up
against the wall
and catching it like that.
In his first
Little League game ever,
he pitched a no-hitter.
He pitched a nine-inning game.
No one gets a hit.
So then after he had
the no-hitter, years later,
word got out
to the high school coaches,
and they were like,
he can throw a ball, sure,
but what if someone hits
a ball to him?
And as soon as he said that,
Jim was like,
you want to see this shit?
Pitch!
Someone hit a hard grounder
straight at Jim Abbott.
Catch!
Hand out of glove, throw,
out at first base,
all within, like,
a half a second.
So fast.
And the high school coach
was like, oh, never mind.
You just answered my question.
Put him on my team.
I'm an asshole.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Wine is the devil!
Okay, where are we at?
Oh, I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
Throughout
his high school career,
he pitched four no-hitters,
including a perfect game.
So he gets his education,
plays
for the University of Michigan,
the Wolverines.
When he got there,
there was so much press there.
After the two bad games,
people were like,
ah, he sucks.
This is a publicity stunt.
This guy is not a real pitcher.
They're just trying to be nice
to a kid with a handicap.
And all of the press left.
Hank, come on.
Come in here and lay down.
Once they left,
he started pitching amazing.
Lay down.
Lay down, fat fucking banana.
He was not only a good pitcher,
but he was a good batter
who would hit home runs.
They win over and over.
He's like, I throw this shit
90 miles an hour.
In the '80s, the year 1980s,
not in the 80s of speedball.
Oh, Jesus, I got
to start that again.
- No, you're fine.
- So I'm gonna throw the ball
in the 80s miles per hour
in the 1990s,
which is very impressive.
- You switched 'em up.
- So I'm Jim Abbott.
- Right.
- I'm throwing the ball
in the 90s
in the 1980s.
Very impressive.
Come on.
- Jim Abbott and Costello.
- Yeah, Jim Abbott.
He was playing baseball
like he said he would, and...
They were, like, putting
together the national team,
and they were like,
I don't know if he can do it,
but it's good PR.
Let's do it.
They put him
on the national team.
- Okay, Matty,
I brought a glove,
and I would love
for you and I to just, like,
try to do
the Jim Abbott out there.
- Okay.
- Is that cool with you?
- Yeah, great.
Okay, ready?
So I caught it.
- Yeah.
- Pull it off, throw it.
- Let's try to get
three in a row, no droppies.
- Got it.
- One, two.
One, two, three.
Oh, Jesus.
- I love that.
Um...
- But, yeah, so do you remember
what you were saying?
No, I don't.
So he gets put
on the national team,
and the national team
take him down
to the Pan American Games,
and the biggest superpower
in the Pan American Games
is Cuba,
Fidel Castro's Cuba,
because Fidel loves communism,
and he loves baseball.
Those are a couple things
he loves.
There is a huge separation
between the American
and Cuban regime.
Jim Abbott walks out
and starts for America,
and everybody in the place
is like, boo!
We are Cuban,
the greatest baseball players
in the world.
How can you possibly think
you can beat us?
Americans with two hands
can't beat us.
♪♪
He was like, oh,
that's nice that you're Cuban.
I don't give a shit.
♪♪
His performance
in the Pan American Cuba Games
was so remarkable
that by the end of the game,
50,000 Cubans...
They gave him a standing ovation
when he left the field.
There were no Americans
in the stand,
because they were not
allowed in Cuba.
And, like,
Fidel Castro came down,
shook his hand,
and was like, nice.
That was a big deal,
telling
an American player "Nice."
And he went on to play
for, like, ten years
in the Major Leagues.
Every step of the way,
high school, college,
the majors,
people said, can you do it?
He was such a positive person.
He would say stuff like,
everyone has disabilities.
Mine are just more visible.
It makes everybody feel
that they're in his camp.
It's incredible.
I respect that shit.
Look at your limitations
and say, fuck you, limitations.
I'm gonna do whatever I want.
And that's the American dream.
Wow.
- Um, what else
do you want to talk about?
- As soon as the ball
leaves my fingers,
I stick the glove to my hand,
and then if the ball is hit,
I catch it, pull it here,
pull out the ball,
and throw it to first,
all within, like,
a half a second.