Drop Dead Diva (2009–2014): Season 6, Episode 6 - Desperate Housewife - full transcript

See that aspiring model there?

That's me... Deb...
until the day I died.

I thought I'd go straight to heaven,

but there was a bit of a mix-up,

and I woke up in someone else's body.

So now I'm Jane,

a super-busy lawyer
with my very own assistant.

I got a new life, a new wardrobe,

and the only people who really
know what's going on with me

are my girlfriend Stacy
and my guardian angel, Paul.

I used to think everything
happened for a reason.



- Whoo!
- Now, I sure hope I was right.

Drop Dead Diva 6x06 - Desperate Housewife
Original air date April 27, 2014

Previously on "Drop Dead Diva"...

Who are you?

Grayson, it's me.

I'm Deb.

Mint antioxidant edible face mask.

- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my God.

You're nervous about having sex
with Grayson tomorrow night.

Owen, I'm pregnant.

That's fantastic, Stacy.

Suppose this gets serious
and then we break up.

I don't want my child

to be around parents
who don't get along.



So for the sake of the baby,

we need to break up.

I understand.

Oh, my God. Teri's been arrested.

I caught Teri impersonating an attorney,

and I warned her to stop,
but she ignored me.

I told Kim.

Kim must have called the cops.

- You went behind my back to Kim?
- Hey.

I don't...
I don't even know what to say.

How about, when I get back
from helping my friend,

you're not here.

Morning, sweetie.

What was that?

Sorry. I've been burping non-stop.

I think it's one
of those pregnancy things

that no one tells you about,

like facial hair and enlarged feet.

Oh.

Anyway, are you feeling
any better today?

Last night, I kicked Grayson,

the man that I love, out of the house.

I know. Even for you,
that was a bit extreme.

- What?
- Hmm?

Stacy, are you taking his side?

Listen, Grayson discovered
that Teri was,

yes, impersonating a lawyer.

But rather than coming to me,

he went to Kim, who had her arrested.

- Oh, dear.
- Excuse me.

Frankly, I'm a little surprised

that was Teri's first time in the pokey.

Okay. Grayson said
that he couldn't come to me

because he didn't think
that I could be objective.

How would that make you feel?

Permission to speak freely
without you getting mad at me?

Permission granted.

You're doing that thing again.

I am not.

What thing?

Whenever you're about
to have sex with a guy

for the first time,

you turn a little disagreement
into a big fight.

- That's not even true.
- John Perlmutter.

The night before he took you
on a romantic weekend,

you got mad at him

for not covering his mouth
when he sneezed.

Sorry. It's unhygienic.

He was driving on the freeway
with both hands on the wheel.

All I'm saying is that you and
Grayson were in a good place,

and, perhaps, you could take
the higher ground

and apologize to him for...

- Don't say it.
- Overreacting.

Stacy.

Fine. Fine. Maybe you're right.

Maybe I can forgive Grayson so...

So you two can finally have sex.

No, so he can see that our
relationship is strong enough

to work through our differences.

- And then to have sex.
- Mm-hmm.

- Listen, I got to go.
- Oh, hey.

The baby cake is gonna be ready
tomorrow at 3:00.

Are you sure this baby-cake
thing is really a thing?

Yes. The ob-gyn sends an
envelope with the baby's gender

to the trendiest cake shop
in Beverly Hills.

They bake a cake that's either
blue or pink on the inside,

depending, and then I cut it
open in front of my friends,

and together, we find out
my baby's gender.

You know what? I'll tell you one thing.

This little baby is gonna be loved

regardless of the color of the cake.

Mm.

Of course, but it's a great
excuse to eat cake.

Damn right. Bye.

Oh.

Yeah.

Great book. Real page turner.

Can you tell me what happens?
Is the red widow the killer?

I mean, what's in the briefcase?

And spoil the ending? Mnh-mnh. I can't.

Please. I'm a single mom
with a 4-month-old baby

and a 60-hour-a-week job.

The three minutes a day
I wait in line for my latte

is the only time I get to read,

which means I'm gonna finish this book

when my baby's like 20.

I need to know what happens.

Well, how about this?

Uh, the chapter you're on
has a major twist.

It'll take you two lattes to read it.

Then I can meet you here Friday night,

tell you the ending, and who knows?

We might have more in common
than obscure detective novels.

Are you asking me out?

'Cause you heard the whole
"single mom/baby" thing?

I heard you.

Okay, uh... Dave.

Friday night. 7:00?

Great. Uh...?

Sorry. Kim.

I got to get to work, Kim.
You keep reading.

I really hope that smile is for me.

Of course. It's for you.

- I couldn't sleep last night.
- Same here.

I... guess we had our... first fight.

But, you know, it's over now,

and I realize that I... overreacted.

Ah, that's a relief.

I... I'm glad you understand
where I'm coming from.

Mm-hmm.

Well, I didn't say that I understood,

I said that I overreacted,

because I turned a disagreement
into a fight.

But you admit
that I didn't do anything wrong.

I cannot believe that you think
not telling me about Teri

and going behind my back to Kim
wasn't wrong.

Well, you would've protected Teri,

and given what's at stake,
that would've been irrational.

Not just call me irrational.

- Excuse me.
- What?

- Are you Jane Bingum?
- Yes. How can I help you?

I'm with the Department of Justice.

You've been assigned a new client.

Our firm doesn't take
federal assignments.

Per the Foreign Intelligence
Surveillance Act, you do now.

I'll be escorting you
to the detention center.

Okay?

The judge also requested a Grayson Kent.

That would be me.

I have a car waiting. Let's go.

Hold on. Excuse me.
Who exactly are we representing?

Oh, my God!

Is this about
the Justin Bieber deportation?

I'm not at liberty to say.

Okay, so you're expecting us
to meet a new client

with absolutely no context.

Yes, ma'am.

Well, if you ask me,
that seems a bit... irrational.

Good morning... again.

Dave?

W... what are you doing here?

One of your assistants is in jail,

so I'm filling in till she gets out.

- You're the temp?
- I am.

And, Ms. Kaswell, your 9:30
is waiting for you

in the conference room.

O... kay...

When our pastor announced

that two church members had
been killed in a car accident

and that their four children
were gonna be separated

and sent to different homes,

well, we just couldn't let that happen.

We said,"we'll take them all,"

and applied to be
the Bowens' foster parents.

Our house was small,

but at least the kids
could stay together.

Well, now you have5,000 square feet

of state-of-the-art improvements.

Thank you, "ultimate home do-over."

Well, your foster family
seem like lovely people.

I assume you're here
to start the adoption process.

Three days after the show aired,

- the Biltmans kicked us out.
- What?

They say we're too much trouble.

And now, me, Julia, and Nate
are back in group homes.

And I'm living with our Nana.

Our grandma would take us all,

but she lives a teeny
one-bedroom in public housing.

They're strict about how many
people can live in one unit.

We want to sue the Biltmans
to take us back

so we can all be together.

Okay, look.

Before we go around suing people,

why don't you let me have a conversation

with your foster family?

We'll see if there's something
we can work out.

Sound good?

Okay.

We've been walking for 15 minutes.

Sir, how much further?

Your client's been isolated
from the rest of the detainees.

The cell's just up ahead.

Who is it? Chapo Guzman?

Edward Snowden? Abu Nazir?

Sir, with this client,
can you even ensure our safety?

In here, you're safe.

But your client's considered

one of the most dangerous people
in America.

Hi. I'm Susan Peterson.
I want to go home.

I have no idea why I'm here.
I didn't commit a crime.

I swear, whatever they think
I did, I... I'm innocent.

Well, tell us about the arrest.

Uh, this morning, I was at home,

uh, taking a cake out of the oven,

when men in S.W.A.T. gear
busted down my front door.

They put a cloth bag over
my head and dragged me away.

Do you know what they've told my family?

Um, they haven't shared
anything with us.

Mrs. Peterson, obviously,
the government feels

that you're a threat
to national security.

Can you tell us anything

that can help us prepare your defense?

I can tell you this is all a mistake.

Maybe there's another
Susan Peterson who did

whatever they think I did,
but I'm a law-abiding citizen.

I'm a mom.
I... I take care of the house.

I... I run school committees.

And my husband's a good man.

He's a landscaper.

- He owns his own business.
- Okay.

Okay. Mrs. Peterson,
here's what we're gonna do...

Please, call me Susan.

Susan, we're gonna speak to the judge,

and we're gonna find out
what's going on.

Mr. and Mrs. Biltman,

I know how difficult it is
to be a parent.

Those foster kids were impossible.

They were slobs...
left their rooms a mess,

they'd talk over the TV,

and they were always demanding

that we drive them around
like chauffeurs.

The little one would come
into our room at night

and crawl into bed with us,
even though we asked her not to.

So you kicked the kids out

because they were behaving like kids?

Don't you dare judge us.

Did you encourage good behavior
with a reward system?

You know, Modern Parent Magazine

has an excellent article this
month on disciplinary methods.

I can have my assistant make you a copy.

That's not necessary.

Look, we... gave it a shot.
It just didn't work out.

You made a commitment
to the Bowen children.

I'm gonna stop you there.

Foster parenting, by definition,
is temporary.

Let me cut to the chase.

If you think you can kick those kids out

and keep that big, old house,
you can forget it.

That house belongs to my clients.

The children don't have a claim.

Without those children,

your clients would still be slumming it

in a two-bedroom teardown.

So you can either move out

and let the Bowen children move back in

or buy them an equivalent house.

We're done here.

Thank you for your time.
I'll see you in court.

What can I get you?

I'll have a green...

Excuse me.

I'm pregnant, and it's making me burp.

I'll have a caffeine-free green tea.

How often are you burping?

The past 24 hours.

It pretty much hasn't stopped. Hmm.

It's probably because... you know what?

- Never mind.
- What?

It's nothing. Nothing.

Please tell me what you were gonna say.

Well, my mother was a midwife,

and she said when a pregnant
woman is burping like you,

it means she's having an evil baby.

What?

I'm sorry, honey,
but your baby is cursed.

Now, what can I get you to eat?

I recommend the turkey burger.
It's free-range.

In light of the serious nature
of the charges,

we're asking that the defendant
be held without bail.

Your Honor, despite repeated requests,

we still haven't been told what
our client's been charged with.

As a matter of national security,

we cannot disclose that.

Okay, in this country,

you can't hold someone
without probable cause.

I agree. But for the record,

the government hasn't shared
the charges with me, either.

Should you wish to proceed,

I demand to hear the evidence
against the defendant.

Yes, Your Honor, the Government

will establish our grounds
for probable cause ex parte

in a closed session in the SCIF.

Uh, excuse me. What's a "SCIF"?

It is a "Sensitive Compartmentalized"

"Information Facility."

Behind that door is a little room

swept for bugs prior to every meeting.

Very well then.
We will continue in the SCIF.

Let's go.

I'm sorry, but you two
are not allowed in the SCIF.

What?

You don't have security clearance.

I need you to get this brief
to the clerk.

No problem, Ms. Kaswell.

Thanks.

Dave, by any chance, are you an artist?

No. Why?

Let me guess. You're writing a novel.

Nope. Just love to read.

Okay, I give up.
What are your aspirations?

My aspirations?

Yeah, professionally.
What do you want to be doing?

Well, I'm a temp, Kim. I love my life.

No stress, in at 9:00, out at
6:00, make enough money to live,

have enough time to do
the things that I love...

hiking, snowboarding,
reading a complete novel.

But you're wearing an expensive suit.

I mean, how does a temp
afford something like that?

Trust fund.

It was my brother's.

He's a lawyer and spends
all his days stress-eating.

And thanks to his expanding waistline,

I got his old wardrobe.

Okay. Uh, well...

...make sure the clerk gets that brief.

Are they ever going to come out
of that room?

They've been in there almost an hour.

You know, Susan, the judge
seemed pretty reasonable.

So unless the Government has real cause,

I... I bet she'll let you go.

I have reviewed the evidence,

and I am ordering that Susan Peterson

be held without bail until trial.

- No.
- On what grounds?

I am not at liberty to say.

Your Honor,
we're at least entitled to see

- the charging document.
- Yes.

And I have instructed the AUSA
to hand them over.

Thank you.

It's all blacked out.

Uh, except for "national security risk,"

"informant 6869," and "treason."

It's redacted as a matter
of national security.

At this point, I am ordering the guards

to return the defendant to solitary.

No.

No.

Jane, help me.

No, help me! Jane, please!

Help me, Jane. I'm innocent.

Stacy, did that come out of you?

Unfortunately, yes, Owen.
Does evil run in your family?

Uh, mostly neurosis
and sluggish thyroids.

Evil, I don't recall. What's going on?

I can't stop burping,

and my waitress told me
that it means the baby is evil.

Now, I know that every child
has its issues...

I've even set aside money
for therapy... but an evil baby?

Huh? How do we prepare for that?

I promise you, there is
no such thing as an evil baby.

- Really?
- Of course.

Now, I remember, my mother,

she burped non-stop when she
was pregnant with my brother.

Charlie? He was arrested for fraud.

- Bad example.
- Uh-huh.

Stacy, your baby is gonna be
sweet and kind, just like you.

- I promise.
- Aw.

Okay.

Impressive.

Mary and John Biltman leveraged
the Bowen-family tragedy

into a free home makeover.

The children have been exploited,

and the Biltmans
have been unjustly enriched.

Ms. Kaswell,
what remedy are you seeking?

Disgorgement.

The Biltmans must turn over
the house to the Bowen children.

Our hearts go out to the Bowen children,

but the Biltmans
don't owe them anything.

We would also accept

monetary value of the home
improvements... $500,000.

The Bowen children
do not have standing to sue.

The only contract here

is between the producers
of "Ultimate Home Do-over"

and my clients, Mr. and Mrs. Biltman.

Her clients are simply not
a party to this dispute.

- Is that true?
- Well, the thing is...

Ms. Kaswell, are your clients
a party to the contract or not?

No, Your Honor, b...

I'm sorry, but the kids have no claims

against their former foster parents.

Case dismissed.

- Excuse me, Ms. Kaswell.
- Yes?

I'm Lily Bowen, the kids' grandmother.

Oh, it's nice to meet you.

I appreciate everything
that you're doing.

It just breaks my heart that I
can't take in all my grandkids.

- But the city won't allow it.
- I understand.

And, Mrs. Bowen, I want you
to know that I'm not giving up.

Thank you.

My wife is not a terrorist.
Susan loves America.

On the Fourth of July,
she runs the block party.

Her favorite holiday is Thanksgiving.

What exactly is the government saying?

The charging document suggests
an informant turned her in.

We were hoping you would tell us
who that might be.

I have no idea.

Is your wife involved in politics?

She won a highly contested election

- for treasurer of the PTA.
- And what about you?

Anything that could've attracted
the government's interest?

No. Just a regular guy.

Have you and your wife traveled
out of the country recently?

Never. We were planning a trip
to Saudi Arabia.

Susan's friend got a job over there.

Jake, why aren't you at school?

I was worried about mom.

P... people are saying she was arrested.

Mom was taken into custody this morning.

What? Dad, th... th...
that... that's crazy.

Yeah. These lawyers
are here to help her.

We're doing everything that we can.

Dad, where's the computer?

The police took it.

Jake's been working on
a mobile app for almost a year.

All his coding is on the computer.

Is the computer Susan's?

Well, she bought it, but we all use it.

Me for work, Jake
for his homework and coding,

Susan for committees and recipes.

Uh, Jake, can you give us a few minutes?

Your mom made you a cake.
It's in the fridge.

Whatever they think she did,
my mom didn't do it.

Now, this may sound like
a strange question,

but what kind of cake
was your wife baking

when the house was raided?

Yellow cake. I don't know.

She found the recipe online. Why?

It's probably nothing,

but "yellow cake" is a term
used to describe uranium.

Um... now, you said you work
in landscaping.

Do you ever order fertilizer online?

All the time.

Fertilizer can be used
to make explosives.

Was Susan e-mailing with
her friend in Saudi Arabia?

Pretty much every day.

Okay.

Um, Alan, the government
monitors Internet searches.

That's legal?

The NSA can collect data to
counter the threat of terrorism.

So Susan was probably flagged
as a terrorist

just based on the family's
Internet search history.

See, the NSA might have assumed
she was coding,

buying fertilizer, using yellow cake,

and to top it all off, she was
sending e-mails to Saudi Arabia.

You know what? We need to get
ahold of that computer.

Ah, the government
would never release a...

Hello? Yes?

Oh, God. Okay.

Y... yeah, thanks for the call.

One of my vendors tried to cash a check.

The bank closed our account.

The government must have put
the bank on alert.

So, what? Level with me.
What happens next?

We try to prove
that your wife is innocent.

What if you can't?

Well, the penalty for treason is death.

- Grayson.
- Good morning.

Could you come here?

Question. What do you think of Dave?

- Who?
- Dave. The temp.

He gave me my messages
and has a pleasant phone voice.

- I don't know.
- Yeah, that's not what I meant.

No way. You have the hots for the temp?

Motherhood must've altered
your brain chemistry.

What's that supposed to mean?

You date up.

You want to be with a man
who elevates your stature.

You're one to talk.
You're dating a partner.

Hey, how's that going, by the way?

Jane's not happy with the way
I handled the Teri situation.

Come on. You were just
protecting the firm.

We fought, we almost made up,

I called her irrational,
she went ballistic.

Ooh. You called her irrational?

Well, at the time, she was.

Regardless, it's super demeaning.

- I'd be pissed, too.
- Excuse me.

Grayson, we have a meeting
in the conference room.

Have fun.

Wait. With who? I, uh, don't
have it on my calendar.

Grabzilla. They are the search
engine on Susan's computer.

Ah, so they would have
a history of all the searches.

Yep. See, Owen has a friend
on the board,

and when he explained the situation,

the C.E.O. said he would
come right over.

Uh, I'm so sorry about your client.

The NSA can be overzealous in
their surveillance activities.

We believe that Susan's arrest
was based on search terms

used by multiple family members,

and the combination of these
search terms seemed suspicious.

But the only way we can prove
that is to access the data.

Well, given the circumstances,
I wish I could help you,

but I can't.

Uh, Grabzilla's policy is never
to release a user's history.

But these circumstances are unusual.

I'm sure you can see that.

Look, Mr. Redmund, our firm
is a loyal Grabzilla customer.

I mean, you run our mail client
and our server farm, so...

Then you should understand
why I can't honor your request.

As a customer, you trust us when we say

"nondisclosure is the bedrock
of our privacy policy."

But these are our client's own searches.

We can only release personal data

pursuant to a valid court order.

It's all spelled out
in the user agreement.

Okay.

Well, if you need a court order,
we will get a court order.

Just because we lost today,

it doesn't mean that I'm done
fighting for you guys.

But for now,

the three of you will go back
to your group homes,

and Daisy will go back
to live with grandma.

No, I don't want to go by myself.

Daisy doesn't like to be away from us.

You know what?

I refuse to let you be separated.

Thanks, but no one will take all of us.

So you'll stay here.
At least for tonight, anyway.

We'll get some sleeping bags
and ice cream, movies.

It'll be like a big slumber party.

Would you like that, Daisy?

Okay.

This hearing should be short.

We just need to get the judge
to order Grabzilla

to release your search history.

Mom? Mom?!

No contact. Sit.

Ms. Bingum, let's get this started.

Yes. Your Honor, we are seeking
to compel Grabzilla

to release Mrs. Peterson's
Internet search history.

Objection. This is nothing
but a fishing expedition.

You know, Mrs. Peterson

has the constitutional right
to counsel, right?

But, apparently, not the right
to the information

that landed her here in the first place.

So we're hoping to glean
that information

by analyzing the search history
in the family computer.

The government opposes the request.

You know, it appears
that the D.O.J. would be content

if I just stood here and did nothing,

like a legal mannequin, if you will.

You see? I can stand like this all day.

Mr. Sebell, what is Grabzilla's
position on this matter?

Your Honor, while we will not
categorically oppose an order,

we would like a little extra time

to study the merits
of releasing the data.

Two weeks... just to be brief.

Your Honor, my client needs
to be with her family.

Can you please expedite this process?

All right. Does tomorrow sound better?

Yes.

N... no. No. We'll need more time.

You're Grabzilla.

You have hundreds of in-house lawyers.

Use a few dozen if you need to.

Thank you.

I'm happy to babysit.

Watching four kids will be good practice

- for the evil one I'm carrying.
- What?

Nothing.
I'm glad you called.

Oy, um, hey, kids?

I'm gonna go now, but Stacy
is gonna be here all night

in case there's anything you need.

Just don't ask me to help you
with your math homework.

Stacy?

Oh, what is it, sweetie?

Do you need a drink of water?
Bedtime story? Dating advice?

Am I ever gonna get my own room again?

Um, you know, Kim is working on that.

But they promised me
my own room. They promised.

Who promised you your own room?

The TV people.

The TV host told all of us
that if we went on his show,

- we'd get our own rooms.
- He promised.

And what happens to people
who break their promises?

They get in trouble.

That's right, Daisy. They do.
Nighty night.

Can you teach us how to do that?

You don't want to know how.

Okay, 4:00 A.M.

We've got five hours
to finish the brief.

Okay, well, I just finished
section six...

legislative history of the Patriot Act.

Where are you on congressional intent?

Oh, it was a bear, but I'm done.

Great. Would you mind writing
up the table of authorities?

- Sure.
- Okay.

But first, I want to apologize
for calling you irrational.

Thank you. I really appreciate that.

It's just... that word, irrational...

it's just really demeaning.

That's exactly what Kim said.

You spoke to Kim about us?

Yeah, we're friends.

Grayson, I don't want her
in my personal business.

I'm surprised you wouldn't know that.

Well, for what it's worth,
she agreed with you.

That's not the point.

You know what? Why don't we just
work in silence?

Jane.

I'm working.

What the hell?

Yeah, my screen, uh, just went blank.

Yeah, mine, too.

Oh, God. No. No. No, no.

Okay, the brief is gone.

Hey, I spoke with I.T.

They don't think it was a tech failure.

We were the victim of a malicious hack.

What?

Someone remotely accessed
the firm's servers.

Who would hack us?

Someone who wants Susan to stay in jail.

The government.

Well, what about our briefs?
Did I.T. retrieve the backups?

Drives are scrambled.

They'll need at least 48 hours
to get anything usable.

Well, then, we'll file
this partial-handwritten brief.

I'll tell I.T. not
to worry about recovery

and let them focus
on figuring out who hacked us.

Okay.

All I want is my own room

where me and my babies can sleep.

And we promise that you
and each of your siblings

will get your very own special room

that's unique to your personality.

Your Honor, as evidenced by the video,

there was an oral contract

between the producers
of "Ultimate Home Do-over"

and the Bowen children.

On behalf of the producers of the show,

I agree with Ms. Kaswell's statement.

- You do?
- Yes.

We promised each of those kids
their own bedroom

and each one of them got it,

but then the Biltmans kicked them out.

It's reprehensible,
but it's not our problem.

We delivered.

I'm sorry, Ms. Kaswell,
but Mr. Hanson is right.

I don't deny there is a harm here,

but the defendants
have not breached their duty

to the children.

If anything, Mr. and Mrs. Biltman

fraudulently represented themselves

to the production company.

And the production company
would have a claim against them.

But, unfortunately, you do not.

- Mr. Hanson.
- Yes?

Just a heads up. I think the public

will be interested in what
happened to the Bowen children

after they appeared on your show,

so I'm gonna hold a press
conference to share

what you just told the judge.

You know, that the orphans
aren't your problem.

Is that a threat?

No. I think it's gonna be a great story.

"Children evicted from their dream home."

"Producers stand by as they're
sent back to foster care."

There won't be a dry eye in the house.

What do you want, Ms. Kaswell?

There was a contract between
the Biltmans and your clients,

the producers of the show.

You heard the judge.

Your clients have a claim against them.

But we have no intention
of suing the Biltmans.

You don't have to.

All you have to do is allow my clients

to assert your clients' claim
and collect your damages.

It's permissible under the law.

- Subrogation and assignment.
- That's right.

Allow my clients to stand
in your clients' shoes.

Hey. How was court?

Oh, uh, I lost,
but I'm still in the game.

Good to hear. I'm heading out
to pick up something for Jane.

Do you need anything while I'm out?

Nope. Uh, I'm all good.

Dave.

Uh, I'm sorry,

but I'm gonna have to cancel
our date for tonight.

I figured. You're buried in your case.

Uh, tomorrow or the next day is fine.

I'm free any night
but Tuesday... book club.

Right.
Um, yeah, I just, uh...

I don't think going out
is a very good idea.

I mean, when I said yes,

I... I didn't know
you were a temp and...

And you don't date the help.

Well, Kim, I wouldn't date someone

who wouldn't date the help.

So I guess we're on the same page.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go... help.

- Hey.
- Oh, hey.

Grayson, so, I found this blogger.

He's a professor at M.I.T.

He said the government spends

hundreds of millions of dollars
a year on cyberwarfare.

- So if that's who hacked us...
- Jane, the government

isn't behind the hack or Susan's arrest.

- I think it was Grabzilla.
- What?

Yeah, I went through their annual report

and their 2014 forecast.

Grabzilla said they'd be signing
a $1-billion government contract

at the end of the second quarter.

Now, there are no more specifics,

because the program pertains

to... get this... national security.

So they were probably
beta-testing the software

for the NSA when Susan got flagged.

Grabzilla wanted two weeks

to review our request
for her search history.

Now, the end of the second
quarter is in 11 days.

My guess... they want to make
sure that contract gets signed

before disclosing any flaws
in the program.

And if we prove that Susan is innocent,

it would expose the software flaws.

They'd be out a billion dollars.

Which is why they will do
everything in their power

to keep her behind bars.

Mr. Redmund, isn't Grabzilla days away

from signing a massive contract
with the U.S. Government

for a new software system?

That's not news.

Government R&D is a growth area
for my company,

and we're happy to do our part
to keep the country secure.

Okay, so, hypothetically speaking,

if there were flaws in the software,

you wouldn't want your buyer
to know, right?

And, certainly,

after the "Affordable Care Act"
website fiasco,

you could not risk a whiff
of program error.

Objection. Inflammatory.

Overruled. Mr. Redmund, please answer.

I wouldn't hide anything
from the government.

One final question.

Does the software system that
you're selling to the government

employ the same algorithm
as the software

that erroneously flagged
Susan Peterson as a terrorist?

I will not answer that question.

Oh. Oh, ok...
you won't answer the question?

Well, I think you just did.

Assuming that was an admission,
is that the real reason

you won't turn over
my client's search history?

I cannot answer on grounds
of national security.

Oop, nope. Sorry.

But as a private citizen, you
can't invoke that protection.

In fact, only the AUSA
can make that assertion,

and I'm guessing...

Yeah.
Yeah, by the look on his face,

he's very interested in your answer.

I am.

But I don't think
that this is the right venue.

Well, you know, you could take
Mr. Redmund into the SCIF

and force him to tell you
the whole truth and nothing but.

There's no reason for me to
testify in the SCIF, Ms. Bingum.

Actually, I think that's a great idea.

As does the government. Let's go.

Oh, Your Honor, uh, before you
drag Mr. Redmund into the SCIF,

I think there's one other thing
you have to do.

Of course.

I dismiss the complaint
against Ms. Peterson.

You're free to go.

Thank you. Thank you.

So, the Bowen children

don't have a case against the Biltmans.

Yes, I know. I'm the one who
explained that to you twice.

Your Honor,
she's wasting the court's time.

I'm beginning to agree.

Five minutes and you'll never
hear from me again.

I'm timing you.

The Bowens don't have a claim
against the Biltmans,

but, as you said earlier,
the producers do.

The producers have signed
their claim over to us,

which means my clients
now have standing.

Hmm. Found your "in," Ms. Kaswell.

The reason the Biltmans
were chosen by the producers

to appear on "Ultimate Home Do-over"

was to give the Bowen children
their dream home.

Well, the children
no longer have that home,

because the Biltmans kicked them out,

which violates their contract.

Since the kids now stand
in place of the producers,

they absolutely have the right to sue.

She's bending the law, Your Honor.

Maybe so, but until now,

your clients have been hiding behind it.

I suggest the Biltmans agree
to pay the Bowen children

the full improved value of the home.

Otherwise, if this case proceeds,

I imagine that with damages,

that number will continue to grow.

We don't have $500,000.

That's why we agreed to do
the show in the first place.

Really? I thought
it was for the children.

You know, if you can't pay,

then why not sign the house over
to the Bowen children?

You can keep your remaining
assets and avoid bankruptcy.

Ms. Kaswell, the children are minors

and need a legal guardian.

Of course. I'm sorry, Your Honor.

Um, the kids' loving grandmother

is more than happy
to step in and live with them.

What's it going to be, counselor?

We accept those terms.

Good. We're done.

Stacy.

Mnh-mnh. I need your opinion.

I saw an ad on Craigslist
for a prenatal exorcist.

What do you think?

Well, I don't know. Are they licensed?

Good question.

I have also started watching
the first season of "Dexter."

If my kid is gonna be a serial killer,

I need to know what I'm in for.

Stace, it...

Oh, sweetie. How are things
going between you two?

Not great.

You know, I mean, we can work
together, no problem,

but when it comes to basic human
interaction, we seem to be off.

Even the first time around,
you guys had bumps.

Do I dare mention
the TiVo calamity of 2006?

Do you know I still haven't seen

the finale of "Malcolm in the Middle"?

Uh, excuse me, Jane?
I picked up your baby cake.

Do you want me to put it in your car?

No. Let's get a knife.
I want to cut it now.

Oh, but I thought we were gonna
have a party at home.

Did you invite anyone?

Sorry. It's been a long day.

Eh, that's okay. Let's just do it now.

I need to know if I'm having
a Damian or a Cruella.

Okay. Dave, you heard the pregnant lady.

Put the baby cake
in the conference room, please.

Pink cake means
that Stacy's having a girl,

and blue is a boy.

Okay, here we go.
I'm cutting the baby cake.

Oh, it's pink!

A little girl.

And blue.

Oh, my God.

I'm having an evil half-boy/half-girl.

Stacy, pink and blue means
you're having twins.

You're having a little girl
and a little boy.

Evil twins?

Oh, my God. Enough.
There is no evil baby, okay?

The twins are the reason
you've been burping.

There's just not a lot of room
in there, you know,

and the air's got to come out somehow.

Oh, my God. I'm having twins.

Normal, wonderful, not-evil twins.

- Yeah.
- Congratulations.

Who wants baby cake?

Oh.

- Hey.
- Hey.

You left the party
without a piece of cake.

- Thanks.
- Yeah.

So, you're one virile guy, huh? Twins?

Yeah. Yeah, I got super sperm, huh?

You okay?

I... I, uh... I don't know
if I should be talking to you

about this, but, uh, I mean,
w... we're friends, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm, uh...

I'm respecting Stacy's wishes

and... and trying not
to get close, but...

when she cut that cake...

it was, uh... it was difficult.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, I... I can imagine.

I mean, they're your children, too.

No, it's... it's not just
about the kids.

It's... it's her.

- Oh.
- I, uh...

I can't... I can't...
I can't help myself.

I... I... it's killing me that
she just wants to be friends.

Well...

You know, you've respected
Stacy's wishes,

and that's really nice
and it's dignified, but I say...

throw caution to the wind
and make a move, you know?

I... I mean, I know
you didn't really ask me,

but I say go for it.

This cake is amazing.
Brought you a piece.

Oh, no, I really shouldn't.

- Why not?
- It's empty calories.

Well, it tastes good.

It'll go right to my hips.

I like your hips.

I also like this cake.

Have one bite.

I promise that it won't kill you.

Mmm.

Oh, my God. That is so good.

I haven't had white carbs
since the baby was born.

You haven't done a lot of
things since the baby was born.

You know, the thing about cake...

Hmm?

I really like to eat dinner first.

Are you asking me out?

I am.

But you don't date the help.

You really shouldn't correct your boss.

I'll make reservations.

Why don't I do that?
You're off the clock.

Coming.

Hey.

I think we need to talk about
what's going on between us.

I mean, Grayson,
we're just so different now,

you know,
and it's a lot more complicated.

And it just seems that our relationship

is off to a rocky start.

At least we can agree
on something, right?

Okay, you're not talking.

Um... are you doing that thing
that I used to do?

Remember? We took that long weekend

and I kept putting my foot in my mouth,

so, finally, I was like,

"I'm just not gonna speak
for the rest of the evening,"

and at least we'll stop arguing,
you know?

Remember?

Okay, you're still not talking.

What do you want to do tonight?

Mm.