Dollface (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 10 - Bridesmaid - full transcript

♪

[Turtle meows]

‐ Come on, lady.
I don't have all day.

‐ Do I...?
Do I know you from somewhere?

‐ I don't know. Do you?

‐ There's just something
really familiar about you.

‐ You waiting for a bus?

‐ Oh, no, I'm waiting for my ride.

I'm going out of town for a wedding.

I guess, in the greater sense,

I'm also waiting
for my best friend to call me back.



We got in this huge fight even though
I was trying to do the right thing,

and now she won't speak to me.

It's like, I finally started to understand
why having girlfriends is so important,

and now I've fucked it up.

I guess I could just use some advice.

‐ And I could use
the last 30 seconds of my life back.

♪

‐ Hi.
‐ Hey. Are you okay there?

‐ Yeah, I'm good.
I'm great actually. I, uh...

[exhales]
Whew.

It's a pretty nice day out,
so I, uh, thought I'd walk

because it's only four miles.

And, typically, four seems like
a low number,

but I guess that's when you're talking
about something that's not miles.



‐ Uh, thanks again for cat‐sitting.

Um, you sure you're gonna be
okay to walk back?

‐ Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
It's actually‐‐

It's part of a new workout craze
that I'm really into.

Some‐‐ some guys do CrossFit, I, uh‐‐

I sweat profusely and carry women's cats
around Los Angeles.

‐ [chuckles]
Any big plans for the weekend?

‐ I've actually gotta
go see a patient after this.

Someone's hamster got into a Monopoly box,
and they think he ate a hotel.

‐ Oh. Hopefully it was at least
on a good property.

I'm sorry.
Should I not be making jokes?

‐ How could you?
I mean, a life is on the line.

Of course you should make jokes!
A hamster ate a hotel!

That is objectively hilarious,
and, also, he'll be fine.

How about you? Are you, uh,
excited for the big wedding weekend?

‐ Uh, excited might be a stretch.
The bride's actually my ex's sister.

But that's a secret because
I told my friends it was my cousin.

‐ Oh, wow.

‐ Yeah, I know how it sounds,
but I couldn't bail on her.

And we're all going down
on this huge party bus

with all the bridesmaids and groomsmen,

so I probably won't even
have to talk to Jeremy.

I really don't think it's gonna be weird.

JEREMY: Hey.
MELYSSA: Hi.

‐ So, it turns out Alec's cousin Micky

actually booked the party bus
for this date in 2023.

So, a bunch of us had to split off
and carpool in smaller groups.

‐ It's gonna be weird.

♪

[knocking]

‐ Mads? We came to check on you...

‐ We wanted to see what's go‐‐

Oh, God.

‐ Oh, hey guys!

‐ Hey! What ya doin', babe?

‐ Oh! You know when
your bathroom drawers are just full

of millions of lipsticks you never use
because you don't know what they are?

Well, Colin's on a surf trip,
and I found myself with some extra time,

so I came up with a system.

And as soon as I add Scarlet Cherry,

that'll complete my second chart
of "Summer Reds."

‐ Okay, uh, Madison‐‐

We think you might be
having an identity crisis.

‐ What do you mean?

My identity's a perfect combination
of Velvet Rose and Coral Blossom.

‐ I feel like we need you to move
off of lipstick for just a second.

‐ Yeah. We're gonna hit you
with some tough love right now.

This is about what happened with Jules.

‐ [scoffs]
Classic Jules.

We get in one fight,
and she flees the country.

‐ Her cousin's wedding is in Mexico.
‐ And she's been trying to call you.

‐ Look, maybe it's throwing you for a loop
that for the first time,

you're the one that's in the wrong.
And Jules came to you about Colin.

‐ Yeah, with the wrong information.

Look, Celeste is lying.
They're getting divorced!

‐ The point is, Jules came to you
to be a good friend,

and you blew up at her.

Look, I know deep down
you know you're wrong

and that is why you are spiraling.

‐ I think it's a little dramatic
to say that I'm spiraling.

‐ Oh, no.

‐ What? I was just getting organized.

‐ You must have scared the shit
out of people at Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

‐ Okay, fine.

I may be feeling a bit uneasy
about the way Jules and I left things,

but what am I supposed to do?
Chase her to Mexico?

♪

♪ Hey, yeah ♪

JEREMY: Um, okay,
is it bigger than a bread box?

‐ What's a bread box?

‐ What do you mean?
It's a box you put bread in.

‐ Well, the bread I buy
always comes in a bag.

‐ Okay, is it like a box
that you could put bread in?

‐ Well, it depends on how much bread,

because if it's the amount that could be
the size of Adam Levine, I'd say yes.

Because my answer was Adam Levine.

‐ Have you ever played this game before?

That's the third time
you've volunteered your answer

without anybody guessing it.

‐ Because you never get it!
So, I thought I'd just say it.

It was me sitting here.

‐ All right.
Jules, you're up.

‐ Is it an object made of plastic?

‐ Yes.
‐ Is it a Frisbee?

‐ [laughing]
Yes! Jeez!

‐ What? I mean,
you're always ranting about

how Ultimate Frisbee
should be in the Olympics.

‐ Okay, think about its roots
in the counter‐culture.

How many professional matches
can sustain without a referee.

BOTH: It is an elevated
level of sportsmanship.

MELYSSA:
Okay, jinx.

You guys owe me a Perrier.

‐ What?

‐ Well, normally you'd say you owe me soda
but, like, I don't drink soda

'cause it has too much sugar.

[Bidi Bidi Bom Bom
by Selena playing]

‐ ¡Hola! ¡Bienvenidos a México!

‐ Wait, it's you!

‐ Uh, no habla inglés, señorita.

‐ You guys made it. Hi!
JEREMY: There's the bride!

‐ Thank you so much.

I am so sorry again about cousin Micky's
mix‐up with the party bus.

I've informed my future husband here

that if his half‐brained cousin ever
shows up at a Thanksgiving at our house,

I'll make something like a turducken.

But instead of a duck stuffed inside of
a chicken stuffed inside of a turkey,

it'll be my fist inside Micky's skull
inside Alex's ass.

Am I right, sweetie?

[sighs] Anyway, we're having
pre‐rehearsal dinner drinks

at the Welcome Casita at 5:00 PM.

Until then,
we're just hanging out by the pool.

♪ Spanish guitar playing ♪

‐ I think they're gonna be
really happy together.

‐ Babe, do you have any Mexican money
to tip the bellman?

‐ Isn't that‐‐?
‐ Yeah, that's my Uncle Jeff.

Hang on!

[exhales]

♪

[knocking]

‐ Hey!

So, Melyssa's already by the pool,

and I just realized
we didn't bring any sunscreen.

Do you have any?
‐ Oh, um, yeah.

♪

Uh, hi, can I help you?

‐ Yeah, my back would be great actually.

‐ But I‐‐ I mean,
shouldn't Melyssa be doing this?

‐ She's already in the pool.

Come on, is it really that big of a deal?

‐ I mean, yeah, kinda, isn't it?

‐ It's sunscreen.
Aren't we more mature than this?

So, it's good to see you.

‐ Mm‐hmm. You too.

‐ I'm glad we ended up
driving down together.

‐ Uh‐huh.

‐ Although, I will say,
after we passed La Jolla,

I couldn't stop thinking about
that AirBnB we got last summer.

You remember, the one with the big tub.
‐ Okay, what happened to "it's sunscreen"?

‐ Okay, you know
I'm not here for sunscreen.

I don't even burn. I bronze.
‐ Seriously?

‐ No one else knows me
like you do, all right?

Being stuck in that car
was making me crazy.

I miss you.
‐ What are you talking about?

You don't miss me!
You're here with Melyssa!

‐ She spells her name
with a Y, Jules, all right?

And Melissa's not a name that needs a Y.

‐ This is insane.
You broke up with me.

‐ I know, okay?
I know that.

But having spent some time apart
to date other people,

it just made me realize
what a huge mistake that was.

I wanna get back together.

‐ ¡Sorpresa!
Guess who made it to Mexico... Oh.

‐ Oh, my God.
‐ What the hell?

‐ I‐‐ this isn't what it looks like.

‐ Is it just me,
or does that look like cum?

‐ What the fuck is going on?

‐ I‐‐ I can explain.
‐ You guys getting back together?

‐ We might be.
‐ No. No!

‐ Are you serious?
‐ Madison, I swear we're not.

‐ We're still talking about it.
‐ Jeremy!

‐ What? We are!
‐ [sighs] You have to believe me.

‐ Why should I when you lied
about bringing him?

‐ I didn't bring him!
Jeremy was gonna be here anyway!

‐ Why would Jeremy be here anyway?

‐ At my sister's wedding?

‐ Wait. Jules's cousin is your sister?
That is, like, very Game of Thrones.

‐ I knew this was a bad idea.

‐ Oh, come on, that's vintage!
JULES: Tough shit!

You guys, please!
I was supposed to be Ramona's bridesmaid

from before we broke up,
and I didn't want to bail on her.

‐ Pretty impressive loyalty from someone

willing to lie to her best friends
for months.

‐ Well, if I'm so awful,
then what are you guys even doing here?

Unless you wanted to attack me
in a second country,

I'm pretty sure we covered this
back in America.

‐ No one is trying to attack you.
Madison came here to apologize.

‐ Yeah, great idea by the way, Stell.

‐ I'm not the one who lied.
Don't take this out on me.

JULES:
Well, I'm not sure if you're aware,

but that's actually
kind of Madison's thing these days.

‐ Well, how about your thing, Jules?

The thing where you go running to a guy
whenever stuff gets hard for you.

‐ You know what's hard for me?
You guys!

It's just this nonstop shit storm

of feelings and opinions
and judging and drama.

And you know what? If this
is what it means to have girlfriends,

then I don't know if it's worth it.

[car engine starting]

[Yo No Te Pido La Luna
by Daniela Romo playing]

MADISON: How dare she?!
‐ I know.

‐ Like, how could she?!
‐ I'm not sure.

‐ I mean, how dare she?!

STELLA: You asked that one already,
and you're supposed to be navigating.

‐ Okay, now I'm completely confident.

That is the same cactus
we passed an hour ago.

‐ No. There's no way
you could possibly know that.

‐ Dude, yes, that is definitely
the cactus that looks like Kevin Jonas.

‐ Okay, look, you guys.

We are three strong
independent women, okay?

We can figure this out.

We know that Mexico
is south of the border,

so we just need to make sure
we are driving north.

Madison, which way is north?

‐ On what goddamn planet would you
expect me to know the answer to that?

‐ Okay, maybe we can
figure this out using stars.

I'm an Aquarius, if that means anything.
Hey, girl, hey!

Uh, I'm gonna look at the sky.

‐ Oh, don't touch that window
because it gets stuck sometimes.

‐ Stella!
‐ [women screaming]

[tires squealing]

[radiator hissing]

STELLA: Shit.

Well, we officially murdered my car.

Though I think it would've wanted
to go this way.

Foreign lands, open road.

‐ Jesus! What the hell was that?

‐ Do you think it was a coyote?

♪

‐ Oh, my God... Stella?

‐ Wait. Bronwyn?

‐ This is so crazy seeing you here!

‐ Here on the side of the highway
in the middle of the desert in Mexico?

Yeah. I would agree with that.

‐ When was the last time we connected?
Was it Fabian's gallery thing?

‐ Yes! Yeah, wait.
What are you doing out here?

‐ Are you naked on purpose?

‐ Just picking up some more beer.
‐ Where's your wallet?

‐ You guys, this is so good
running into you.

I have to show you something incredible.
Do you have a second?

‐ Um...

♪

‐ Ladies, welcome to the Bonobo Society.

‐ ♪ peaceful music playing ♪
‐ [women laughing]

[indistinct chatter]

♪ salsa music playing ♪

DANCE INSTRUCTOR:
Okay, it's really easy.

Everyone watching me?

Here's that basic step again, guys.
You remember it.

Let's go. And...

Come together.
All right, you guys got it.

Side to side.

Now you've got it.
There you go, just like that.

Cross‐body lead, here we go, ladies.

Miss?

And... turn.
Perfect!

All right, here we go again.

Break, ladies under...

RAMONA: Jules‐‐

I don't mean to be that bride,

but your resting sad face
is getting captured in the candids.

‐ Oh, ugh, sorry.
I didn't mean to be a downer.

It's just been a bit of a day.

‐ Oh, God.
What did my brother do?

‐ Jeremy is confused,
but it's not him.

It's my friends actually.

I just feel like no matter what I do,
I'm always gonna mess things up with them.

‐ Girls can be so dramatic.

‐ When I worry about my wedding,

I'm supposed to worry about
who the groom is gonna be.

At this point,
I'm more worried about the Maid of Honor.

‐ That's the thing about getting older:

you move into the next phase of life,
people settle down,

and stuff with your girlfriends
doesn't feel so important anymore.

‐ Yeah, but look at your bridesmaids,
their speeches during dinner.

You're settling down, and your friends are
still important to you.

‐ Honestly, except my bachelorette,

I hadn't seen half these girls
since Sydney's wedding six months ago.

I mainly picked everyone

so all of our hair color would create
a gradient effect in the pictures.

All I'm saying is,

there's a time when your girlfriends
are supposed to be your whole world,

and there's a time
when that's supposed to end.

You're beautiful and smart.

Someone like you
is gonna have a lot of options.

Just... choose somebody.

[indistinct chatter]

[strumming guitar]

‐ The Bonobo's
a species of pygmy chimpanzee

that lives as a matriarchy.

And we are a collective of women artists
who have embraced

the wild Bobobos' emphasis on
female bonding as a source of inspiration.

IZZY: Got it.

So, are there any actual monkeys here
that you study, or...?

‐ Oh, no, we just come to Mexico
a couple times a year

to do drugs and get naked
in the wilderness.

‐ Copy that.
BRONWYN: It's a lot of fun.

‐ Well, do any of you Bonobos
have a working cell phone

or a Triple‐A membership?

‐ Hmm, we feel technology inhibits
our radical self‐expression.

‐ Hey, uh, Bron, do you think
we could crash with you guys tonight

since my car is toast?

‐ Stella, I'm not even going to say "yes,"

because I'm trying to think of a word
that's more powerful than "yes."

Like, "rainbow."

‐ And if I did have to go to the bathroom,

is it just a behind‐a‐bush situation?

‐ Rainbow.

‐ What is that?

BRONWYN:
They're drinking peyote.

You should totally consider tripping

unless you feel like
you're in a negative head‐space.

‐ Oh, it's safe to say she qualifies
as being in a negative head‐space.

‐ Yeah, Madison, it's serious stuff.

You're really not
in the right state of mind.

‐ You know what state of mind I'm in?

The one who is done
trying to make things work with Jules.

Look, if she wants
to disappear again, let her.

‐ Okay, you don't mean that.
Trust me.

You're gonna need Jules
to be there for you.

‐ Why? And if you're still trying
to convince me that Colin‐‐

‐ I got into business school.

I heard back from Penn,

and I'm moving to Philadelphia
in the fall.

‐ Oh, my God! Congrats!

‐ I just don't want you and Jules to
lose each other when you're gonna lose me.

‐ Fuck both you guys!

You know, it's your fault
we're even here in the first place.

[women chatting, laughing]

‐ Well, that's gonna
make things a lot better.

♪

[women laughing]

‐ Fuck the technology ban,
I am filming this.

‐ If this is what they mean when they say
dance like no one's watching,

they should honestly stop
telling people to do that.

‐ She's just gonna ride that wave now.

What do you say?

‐ Iz?
‐ If you're a bird, I'm a bird.

‐ Feels like a weird time
for a Notebook quote.

‐ I'm hoping to encourage a hallucination
that involves Ryan Gosling.

BRONWYN:
♪ Some things are long forgotten ♪

♪ Some things were never said ♪

♪ We were on one endless road ♪

♪ I had a wandering heart ♪

♪ Said we were opposite lovers ♪

♪ You kept trying to prove me wrong ♪

♪ I know that I ran you down ♪

♪ You ran away with your heart ♪

♪ Just know that I want you back ♪

♪ Just know that I want you back ♪

♪ Just know that I want you,
I'll take the fall and the fault in us ♪

♪ I'll give you all the love
I never gave before I left you ♪

♪ Just know that I want you back ♪

♪ Just know that I want you back ♪

♪ Just know that I want you,
I'll take the fall and the fault in us ♪

♪ I'll give you all the love
I never gave before I left you ♪

♪ Just know that I want you back ♪

[song slowing, distorting]

♪ Just know that I want you back ♪

♪ Just know that I want you back ♪

♪ Just know that I want you back ♪

♪ Just know that I want you back ♪

MADISON: [echoing]
Jules!

Listen to me!

No!

♪ mariachi band playing ♪

[phone ringing]

‐ Hey, you know you don't need
to worry about Turtle with me.

I'm a trained professional.

‐ Oh, I'm not worried about Turtle.

‐ How's the wedding?
You having a margarita for me?

‐ Uh, probably not enough of them,
but, uh...

Being a dateless bridesmaid means
dancing with many total strangers,

and I was just, um...

WES: Just what?

‐ Thinking about you.

WOMAN'S VOICE: Hey, Wes, can you
bring me another towel for my hair?

‐ Oh, um...

Sorry, I didn't‐‐ I didn't
know you‐you had someone‐‐

‐ Yeah.

Why don't you just, um,
text me when you're back.

For the cat.

‐ Right. [clears throat]
Sounds good.

[flies buzzing]

[indistinct chatter in distance]

[Izzy sighing]

‐ So, no one was Ryan Gosling,

but everyone was a bird.

‐ Got it.
So, it wasn't sexual.

‐ Oh, God, no.
It was extremely sexual.

‐ Huh... Hey.
Still mad at us?

Should we get the fuck
out of Mexico and go home?

‐ [chuckles] Yes.

But not without Jules.

‐ Really?
‐ You guys were right.

I don't wanna just stand by
and lose her for another five years.

I definitely don't want
to lose her forever.

We're going to get her.
‐ Okay, so to clarify,

I got into business school,
and you trip so hard on peyote

you wanna crash
our estranged best friend's

ex‐boyfriend's sister's wedding?

‐ Do you have a problem with that?

‐ No. No, I just think we body‐swapped
and it's real fuckin' awesome.

IZZY:
Not to throw a wrench

in Operation "How Izzy, Madison,
and Stella Got Their Jules Back,"

but we don't have a car
and we do look like mole people.

‐ Mmm.

‐ Yeah.

‐ Something borrowed.

♪ mariachi band playing ♪

‐ So, you stoked to be married?

‐ Husband!
More photos! Now!

‐ I like your dress.

‐ That line only works
when there aren't five other people

wearing the exact same thing.

[chuckles]

‐ Look, I just wanted to say
I'm sorry about the sunscreen thing.

That was shitty.

‐ Where's Melyssa with a Y?

‐ Well, she wasn't in our hotel room
when I woke up this morning,

but she did text me

that the salsa instructor
was taking her ATVing.

[chuckling]

‐ We're both such dating all‐stars.
It's a wonder this didn't work out.

‐ I'm sorry it didn't.

‐ I'm not.

The person I was with you,
I don't want to be her again.

‐ Is it because...

Is there somebody else?

‐ Yeah. There is.
Three of them.

After last night, I figured
you wanted nothing to do with me.

I can't believe you came back.

‐ Look, Jules, our friendship
is far from perfect,

and I know we all
drive each other crazy sometimes.

‐ A lot of the time.
‐ It's a pattern.

‐ But it's worth it to me.

‐ Jules! What a pleasant surprise
to see you girls!

Colin, Jules and Izzy work in my office.

And this is Madison Maxwell,

she's quite the rising PR star
who saved us a few months ago.

‐ Hi, my name is Dr. Colin Brooks.
Nice to meet you.

‐ Nice to meet you, too.

Excuse me.

‐ So, Jules, did you fly in or drive?

‐ Um, drove.

CELESTE:
Oh, good old‐fashioned road trip.

You know, Colin and I,
we rented a Fiat last summer in Italy

and we drove from Florence to, um...

Oh, honey, what was the name
of that town with the vineyard?

‐ London.

‐ No, in Italy, Colin.
Did you not take your ginkgo biloba?

Oh, there are the Weisses
that I wanted to introduce you to.

Jules, it was good seeing you.
Gotta go do the rounds.

Come on, honey.

♪ mariachi music continuing ♪

‐ Hi, I need a drink.
‐ Making a toast?

‐ No, I'm not speaking.

‐ So, this is how you wanna leave it?

You really sure
you don't have anything to say?

‐ We do know each other, don't we?

‐ We used to,
but I'm not so sure anymore, Dollface.

♪

‐ Don't call me Dollface.

Hey!

I have something to say to you.

[glass dinging]

That was my best friend
whose heart you just broke,

and she did not deserve to be lied to,

and neither does
the woman standing next to you.

Look, I get why you lied.

You got yourself into a situation where
you were terrified of telling the truth,

because you knew
what you were doing was a mistake.

But fuck that!

Fuck being terrified
of things that are hard.

And fuck picking your friends
for their fucking hair color.

And fuck backsliding
into bad relationships.

And fuck cheating on your wife.

And fuck... you!

[microphone feedback]

Sorry. [clears throat]

[feedback intensifies]

I didn't know what to do with that.

[warbles]

Feels like maybe we should be heading out.

‐ Yeah. Let's go.

[nervous laughter]

‐ So, uh...
‐ Yeah.

[La Bamba
by APM Latin Players playing]

‐ Okay, that was
the greatest thing I've ever seen,

and I've been to Cirque du Soleil
with Chrissy Teigen.

‐ I just blew up my entire life
and maybe a few other people's.

‐ You did.

‐ You okay?

‐ I love you.

‐ I love you too.

STELLA:
Okay. All right. Guys‐‐

Love the lovefest, but we did just
ruin a wedding and maybe a marriage.

So, it might be in
our best interest to move quickly.

‐ Good thinking.
Where's your car?

‐ So, the thing about Stella's car is,

we were hoping to get a ride
back to L.A. with you.

‐ I came with Jeremy.

♪ La Bamba continues ♪

♪ rock music playing ♪

RAMONA:
What the hell is she doing?

We already took pictures
in that thing, right?

[vomits]

‐ Ugh!

‐ I can't believe we just did that!

Are the grand theft auto laws
any looser in Mexico?

‐ Uh, no, they're really not.

‐ We're like Thelma and Louise.

In Thelma & Louise.

‐ I have no clue
if I still have a job or an income,

but I'm glad I have you guys
to figure it out.

Everybody ready to go back to L.A.?

‐ I sure as hell am!

It's good to see you again, kitten.
I knew you'd do the right thing.

What? You girls steal a woman's car
from her own wedding,

but you've never seen
an old cat lady before?

[chuckling]

♪ I'm a woman, what you see ♪

♪ I'm a woman,
what you see ♪

♪ I'm a woman, what you see ♪

♪ It run through me, it run through me ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ I'm a woman, I'm a woman, yeah‐eh‐eh ♪

♪ I'm a woman, I'm a woman,
yeah‐eh‐eh ♪

♪ I'm a woman, I'm a woman, yeah‐eh‐eh ♪

♪ It run through me ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ I'm a woman, I'm a woman, yeah‐eh‐eh ♪

♪ I'm a woman, I'm a woman,
yeah‐eh‐eh ♪