Doctor Who (1963–1989): Season 8, Episode 21 - The Dæmons: Episode One - full transcript
For 200 years the secret of Devil's End village has lain dormant, as the burial mound, the so-called Devil's Hump, has remained sealed. Until now, at midnight on April 30th on the greatest occult festival of the year, as Professor Horner prepares to break it open. But just what evil treasures lie buried there? Will the local white witch's warnings of doom and destruction be fulfilled? Who or what is the mighty Azal? But even more disturbing for the Doctor and Jo, just how is the Reverend Magister, alias the infamous Master, involved in the mystery?
Sincro: wyxchari
Goodnight, Frank.
Goodnight, Jim.
He died of fright, Doctor.
My dear Miss Hawthorne...
I don?t care what you say - the man died of fright!
My dear Miss Hawthorne, the medical diagnosis was quite clear- he died of a heart attack.
But his face...!
Slight protrusion of the eyeballs, rictus drawing of the lips back over the teeth - common enough in heart failure.
The signs are there for all to see! I cast the runes only this morning.
You?ll have to excuse me. I have my rounds to do.
If Professor Horner opens up that barrow, he will bring disaster on us all!
This is just the beginning!
A bit more, David.
Professor Horner?
That?s it.
Oh, where?s he got to, for pete?s sake?
Harry?!
Hello Alastair, what?s up?
Where?s Professor Horner?
Probably in make-up. Unless he?s had second thoughts and scarpered.
What?!
Well, you know the local chat - death and disaster if he opens the barrow..
Well, there?ll be a disaster if he doesn?t get a shift-on!
Okay, okay, I?ll chase him up.
But it really is the dawning of the age of Aquarius!
So?
Well, that means the occult. Well you know, the supernatural and all that magic bit.
You know, really Jo, I?m obviously wasting my time trying to turn you into a scientist.
Well, how do you know there?s nothing in it?
How? Well, I just know, that?s all. Everything that happens in life must have a scientific explanation - if you know where to look for it, that is.
Excuse me.
Yes, but... suppose something was to happen and nobody knew the explanation. Well, nobody in the world - in the universe! Well, that would be magic, wouldn?t it?
You know Jo, for a reasonably intelligent young lady, you do have the most absurd ideas.
Doctor, look!
Bessie, how dare you go gallivanting around like that!
Are you sorry?
Very well, I forgive you. Now go back to your parking place before I change my mind.
I know there?s a good explanation for all this but I just can?t think of it for the moment.
Would you believe magic?
Magic?
Mmm.
No!
Well, Jo would.
That?s not fair!
Well, you explain it then.
I don?t know. I suppose you did it?
Naturally - or should I say scientifically. Er, solenoids and a solar mechanism in Bessie and, er...
...a radio control unit here. See how easy it is to be a magician?
How infuriating can you get?!
Hmm, well, it doesn?t prove anything.
Would you like me to show you some more then?
No thanks. I?ve had enough of your knavish tricks! Anyway, I want to see that TV programme.
Mike, would you give me a lift?
Sure.
Thanks.
You coming, Doctor?
Coming where?
Well, to see that programme.
Oh, not you too, Captain Yates?
Oh, I wouldn?t miss it for the world. It?s very exciting.
Forecasts of doom and disaster if anyone disturbs the burial chamber.
Captain Yates, you astound me.
Well, you never know. Devil?s End has a funny reputation.
What did you say?
Devil?s End - the village near the dig.
Devil?s End? Devil?s End?
Doctor, are you all right?
Yes, yes, I?m fine.
Fine...
Now where are you going?
To see that TV programme, of course!
Devil?s End - the very name sends a shiver up the spine.
The witches of Devil?s End, the famous curse, the notorious cavern underneath the church where the third Lord of...
...Aldbourne played at his eighteen-century parody of black magic. Devil?s End is part of the dark mythology of our childhood days. And now, for the first time, the cameras of the BBC have been allowed inside the cavern itself.
In this cavern, pagan man performed his unspeakable rites. In this cavern, the witches of the seventeenth century hid from the fires of Matthew Hopkins, witch-hunter extraordinary. In this cavern,... huh, but I could go on all day.
There is... something strange about Devil?s End.
Is Professor Horner being as... foolish as his critics would suggest? Huh, I must admit, standing here in this... unquiet place, I?m beginning to wonder myself.
Quiet please!
While I was recording that earlier this afternoon, the archaeological dig was proceeding apace. Professor Horner and his team have cut their way into the Devil?s Hump - as this barrow is called by the locals - as if it were a giant pie. But now the question is can Professor Horner pull out his plum!
Get on with it, man...
Or will the Professor be proved disastrously wrong?
For some two hundred years, the controversy has raged - What is the Devil?s Hump. Now, we?re not the first to try and find out. But from 1793, when Sir Percival Flint?s miners ran back to Cornwall leaving him for dead to the famous Cambridge University fiasco of 1939...
Has it started yet?
Shh, shh. Let?s see what he has to say.
_ has remained an enigma. Er, but tonight, the enigma will be solved. Tonight...
...at midnight, the witching hour, viewers of BBC3 will have the privilege of being present when Professor Gilbert Horner, the noted archeologist...
Got round to me at last, have you? About time too!
Er, not yet, Professor, not yet.
Hey you! Bring that camera over here, would you? Come on!
Er...
There - that?s the spot. Six inches behind there lies the greatest archeological find this country has known since Sutton Hoo.
Er, would you like to explain that reference, Professor?
No, and at midnight tonight...
Sutton Hoo, of course...
Never mind about Sutton Hoo.
This is what your precious viewers are interested in - the Devil?s Hump and what?s inside it - right?
And what is inside it?
Treasure, that?s what. The tomb of a great warrior chieftain, bronze age, 800BC.
Er, you?re very precise?
No need to take my word for it - see for yourself, midnight.
Ah yes, now then, why midnight and why tonight?
Well, it?s obvious - April 30th is Beltane, isn?t it?
Beltane?
You know, you ought to have done your homework before you came on this dig.
Er, for the viewers, Professor.
April 30th - Beltane - greatest occult festival of the year, bar Halloween.
Well, frankly, I?m not much wiser.
Beltane! Of course!
You?ve heard the tales about this place? The ghosts, the witches, the curse - the famous curse?
But you don?t believe that, do you? Well then, why have you...?
My new book comes out tomorrow.
Oh, then it?s what one might call a publicity gimmick?
Top of the class, lad!
And you?re not concerned of your colleagues to _?
You know, there?s something dreadfully wrong here.
Hey, you really mean that, don?t you?
Oh, they?ll react the same way as always - _ green.
Well, what could be wrong?
But surely, if you...
I don?t know.
Aquarius? The Devil?s Hump? Beltane?
_ of course I know you?re on the air. That?s why I?m here!
Come on, think, think!
Doctor look! Something?s going on.
Get your hands off me, young man! Let me go!
Okay, Harry.
I?ve come here to protest and protest I shall.
Er, this is Miss Hawthorne, a prominent local resident who?s very much opposed to Professor Horner?s dig. Er, Professor Horner, I believe you two have already met?
I?ll say - the daft woman?s been pestering me for weeks!
I?ve been trying to make you see reason.
Miss Hawthorn, why are you opposed to this dig?
Because this man is tampering with forces he does not understand.
Oh, come on now!
You?ll bring destruction on yourself and upon the whole area if you persist!
Pish!
Death and disaster await you! Believe me, I know!
Er, but that?s just it - why should we believe you and how do you know?
I?m a witch.
You see? I told you she was daft!
Miss Hawthorne, you don?t really mean to...
I tell you I?m a witch!
Wha... wha...
Well, white, of course...
Ah...
...but that is why you should listen to me - I know!
Well, thank you very much, Miss Hawthorn, for a most interesting...
I?ve cast the runes. I?ve consulted the talisman of mercury. It?s written in the stars.
When Beltane is come, tread softly. For lo, the prince himself is nigh... and tonight is Beltane!
You see? Mad as a hatter!
Er, the prince?
The prince of evil, the dark one, the horned beast!
Come on, Jo.
Where to?
Devil?s End, of course. That woman is perfectly right - we?ve got to stop that lunatic before it?s too late!
Miss Hawthorne, Professor Horner, thank you. So...
There we are - it seems that time is running out in more ways than one. What is going to happen here at midnight? Why not tune in to BBC3 and 11.45 tonight and find out? Until then, from me, it?s goodbye now. Alastair Fergus, The Passing Parade... Devil?s End.
Good for Miss Hawthorne! She kept her end up pretty well!
The woman?s round the twist if you ask me - always has been.
Er, you?re right Bert. Should have been put away years ago.
Oh, I?m not so sure she hasn?t got a point.
Broadly speaking, you know.
What? All that stuff about death and disaster? Well, you?re not telling me you believe it, Mr. Winstantley?
Well, no. But there have been a lot of queer goings-on the last few weeks.
Strange sudden noises and, er, gasts, er, gusts of wind, and poor old Jim dropping down in the churchyard.
Yeah, Frank was telling me his cows have gone dry... and my wife?s hens have stopped laying.
Yes, and all since they started digging up there on Devil?s Hump.
Could just be a coincidence, you know?
Ah, we?ve had a spell of bad weather. Always upsets things that does.
Yes, but just suppose she?s right, eh? How about that, Bert?
Well, I?ll tell you - if the old?n does come along here tonight, he can have my best room - my bread and butter, he is!
Good evening, Miss Hawthorne, Saw you on the television just now. Very good I thought you were.
They chopped me! Cut me off! Don?t you worry, Constable, I?ll get my chance later tonight - you?ll see!
Avaunt all ye elementals!
Avaunt all ye powers of adversity!
Be still and return to thy resting. Be at peace in thy sleeping...
Mr. Groom? Mr. Groom, are you all right?
Yes, I... I think so. I... I just felt a bit faint for a moment or two.
I?m not at all surprised. Not at all. It?ll pass, Mr. Groom, it?ll pass.
I?m feeling a lot better now already, thank you.
We must be on our guard, all of us.
Oh!
What do you want?
How dare you jump out at me like that! Out of my way, please.
What do you want?
Well, if you must know, I wish to contact the vicar.
Mr. Magister?s not in at the moment.
Not him - I mean the real vicar.
What would you call Mr. Magister then?
I mean Canon Smallwood - our old vicar. The one who left in such mysterious circumstances.
Nothing mysterious about it. Taken ill and had to leave.
Suddenly? In the middle of the night? Without so much as a goodbye to anyone in the village?
I?ve got no time to listen to your nonsense. I?ve got my work to do.
Very well then. I?ll see the other gentleman. I cannot say that I like him but he is at least a man of the cloth.
I told you, didn?t I? He?s not in.
Well, I intend to find that out for myself. Let me pass please.
You?re wasting your time.
If you don?t stand out of my way, Garvin, I shall be forced to use violence.
Dear me, I hope that violence will not be necessary.
Good evening, Miss Hawthorne, and, er, what can I do for you?
Well, that?s made a mess of my evening!
Everything in order, Yates?
Yes sir. No problems.
All right, Benton. Right, and I?m off. You know where to reach me if anything crops up.
Yes sir.
Have a good evening, sir.
Thank you, Captain Yates. Goodnight.
?Night, sir.
Goodnight, sir.
It?s all right for some, isn?t it, sir? And we?re stuck here with a television and a plate of...
Corned beef sandwiches!
I beg you to help me, Mr. Magister. Help me to stop that foolhardy man!
You mean the Professor? But surely...
He must not enter the tomb - tonight of all nights!
Why ever not?
Beltane. The forces of evil are abroad tonight.
Really, Miss Hawthorne, as a rational man, I...
We are all in mortal peril, Vicar! Have you no concern for the souls in your care?
The soul as such is a very dated concept. Er, viewing the matter existentially, I...
Existentially? Oh, you?re a blockhead!
Miss Hawthorne, one moment. You?re very distressed, I can see that. You know, you really are worrying unduly.
There?s nothing to worry about. You must believe me. You must believe me.
Must... believe...
Oh, why should I believe you? A rationalist, existentialist priest indeed!
Listen to me!
You?re a fool, sir! If you won?t help me, I must find someone who will!
It?s no good, we?re hopelessly lost!
I can?t understand it. We followed the sign posts all right.
Well, if we had, we would have been there by now. You must have missed one.
I did not!
If you look at the map the right way up, we might eventually get there! Now, which way is it.
Erm...
...that way.
Thank you very much!
You all right, Alastair?
Of course I?m all right! Why shouldn?t I be, for Pete?s sake?! Of all the stupid questions!
Well, I only asked. There?s no need to make a production number out of it.
I?m sorry, Harry. I?m just a bit on edge. I?ll be all right.
Everything okay, Professor? Won?t be long now.
Any sign of that fool woman?
Not so far.
Well, keep her away from me. I?ll tell you lad, I?ll do her a mischief.
Do my best. Now, you?ve got everything straight? We start with an intro from Alastair, then I give you a cue to launch into your speil...
Speil?
The chat bit, momentous occasion and all that?
Oh aye.
Tom says if you could break into the burial chamber as the church clock strikes the first stroke of midnight, that would be absolutely super.
Right-oh lad, I?ll do my best to be absolutely super!
Super...!
Professor?
Mmm?
Suppose something does happen?
Like?
Personal appearance of you-know-who?
Well, use your initiative, lad.
Get your chatty friend over there to interview him!
Of course! Why didn?t I think of that?
So, trying to run out of his own twenty-five, then inside to Neary...
Anything happen yet?
No sir, not a thing.
...to Robinson who couldn?t hold it.
Isn?t it about time for the dig?
Just about. This is highlights from the game at Twickenham.
Better turn over then.
Hey, did you see that?
Quite right too!
...a number of the Staffordshire county side.
As bad as the ref you are, sir!
Oh no!
That?ll line them.
Come along now friends, drink up!
Sorry sir, well past time.
Yeah, that?s quite all right. We don?t want a drink - just the directions to the Devil?s Hump.
Where the dig is.
Ah, you?re going up there are you? It?s all on telly, you know?
Yes, yes, I know but, er, would you please tell us the way? This is very urgent.
Always in such a hurry, you towns folk. All be the same in a hundred years time, sir!
I can assure you, sir, it will be no such thing!
Are you one of these television chaps then?
Er, I am no sort of chap sir!
Forgive me, but I thought... well, the costume and the wig, you know?
Wig?!
Now, Doctor!
What do you wanna go up the Hump for anyway?
Look, there is no time for all these unnecessary questions...
All the time in the world, sir!
I want to go up to the Devil?s Hump because I want to stop that lunatic Professor of your from bringing devastation upon you all!
Huh, one of Miss Hawthorne?s brigade!
Is nobody here capable of answering a perfectly simple enquiry? What?s the matter with you all?
You?re making all the fuss, old man.
Fuss? I?ve never heard such balderdash in all...
Doctor!
Look, could you please tell us the way?
Yes, certainly. Straight past the green outside, fork left, straight up the rise and you can?t miss it.
Excellent! Thank you very much!
Thank you. Goodbye.
Extraordinary fellow!
White hair he had, and a sort of cloak.
Did he by any chance call himself... the Doctor?
That?s right! It?s what the girl called him! How did you know that?
It?s of no importance.
Well Girton, you?ve... you?ve done very well.
But, er, why aren?t you ready?
Well, I thought I should tell you. He said he was going to stop the dig.
Well, you?d better hurry and change. We start the ceremony in a few minutes.
Quiet please! Lots of lovely hush!
Quiet!
Stand by... on the studio announcement now. Good luck, Tom.
Welcome back, viewers. And here at the Devil?s Hump, the excitement is intense. The stage it set. What shall we see when the curtain rises?
As my will, so mote it be.
Nema.
Hearken to my voice, oh dark one. Ancient and awful, supreme in artifice, bearer of power, I conjure thee - be present here at my command and truly do my will.
Aba, Abara, Agarbara, Gad, Gadoal, Galdina!
lo Evohe!
As my will, so mote it be!
It?s no good, we?re just wasting time, come on! Run _.
Let?s face it - you?ve had enough blather from t?other feller! You want to see for yourself. Well, I?ll tell you what you?re gonna see - a stone wall.
There you are. What did I tell you? I?m not daft!
Ogoteruss awbm, Aleht tnewy ramahe, Ehwy revedna wonssa, Etih swawec stahn, Bmaltlttiladahy ram!
lo Evohe!
Eko, eko, Azal!
Eko, eko, Azal!
Stop! Stop that dig!
Stop it!
By the power of earth, by the power of air, by the power of fire eternal and the waters of the deep, I conjure thee and charge thee Azal - arise, arise at my command, Azal! Azal!
Azal!
Stop! Don?t pull that stone! Don?t!
Azal!
Look!
Doctor! Are you... are you all right?
Doctor! No! Doctor! Oh no!
Goodnight, Frank.
Goodnight, Jim.
He died of fright, Doctor.
My dear Miss Hawthorne...
I don?t care what you say - the man died of fright!
My dear Miss Hawthorne, the medical diagnosis was quite clear- he died of a heart attack.
But his face...!
Slight protrusion of the eyeballs, rictus drawing of the lips back over the teeth - common enough in heart failure.
The signs are there for all to see! I cast the runes only this morning.
You?ll have to excuse me. I have my rounds to do.
If Professor Horner opens up that barrow, he will bring disaster on us all!
This is just the beginning!
A bit more, David.
Professor Horner?
That?s it.
Oh, where?s he got to, for pete?s sake?
Harry?!
Hello Alastair, what?s up?
Where?s Professor Horner?
Probably in make-up. Unless he?s had second thoughts and scarpered.
What?!
Well, you know the local chat - death and disaster if he opens the barrow..
Well, there?ll be a disaster if he doesn?t get a shift-on!
Okay, okay, I?ll chase him up.
But it really is the dawning of the age of Aquarius!
So?
Well, that means the occult. Well you know, the supernatural and all that magic bit.
You know, really Jo, I?m obviously wasting my time trying to turn you into a scientist.
Well, how do you know there?s nothing in it?
How? Well, I just know, that?s all. Everything that happens in life must have a scientific explanation - if you know where to look for it, that is.
Excuse me.
Yes, but... suppose something was to happen and nobody knew the explanation. Well, nobody in the world - in the universe! Well, that would be magic, wouldn?t it?
You know Jo, for a reasonably intelligent young lady, you do have the most absurd ideas.
Doctor, look!
Bessie, how dare you go gallivanting around like that!
Are you sorry?
Very well, I forgive you. Now go back to your parking place before I change my mind.
I know there?s a good explanation for all this but I just can?t think of it for the moment.
Would you believe magic?
Magic?
Mmm.
No!
Well, Jo would.
That?s not fair!
Well, you explain it then.
I don?t know. I suppose you did it?
Naturally - or should I say scientifically. Er, solenoids and a solar mechanism in Bessie and, er...
...a radio control unit here. See how easy it is to be a magician?
How infuriating can you get?!
Hmm, well, it doesn?t prove anything.
Would you like me to show you some more then?
No thanks. I?ve had enough of your knavish tricks! Anyway, I want to see that TV programme.
Mike, would you give me a lift?
Sure.
Thanks.
You coming, Doctor?
Coming where?
Well, to see that programme.
Oh, not you too, Captain Yates?
Oh, I wouldn?t miss it for the world. It?s very exciting.
Forecasts of doom and disaster if anyone disturbs the burial chamber.
Captain Yates, you astound me.
Well, you never know. Devil?s End has a funny reputation.
What did you say?
Devil?s End - the village near the dig.
Devil?s End? Devil?s End?
Doctor, are you all right?
Yes, yes, I?m fine.
Fine...
Now where are you going?
To see that TV programme, of course!
Devil?s End - the very name sends a shiver up the spine.
The witches of Devil?s End, the famous curse, the notorious cavern underneath the church where the third Lord of...
...Aldbourne played at his eighteen-century parody of black magic. Devil?s End is part of the dark mythology of our childhood days. And now, for the first time, the cameras of the BBC have been allowed inside the cavern itself.
In this cavern, pagan man performed his unspeakable rites. In this cavern, the witches of the seventeenth century hid from the fires of Matthew Hopkins, witch-hunter extraordinary. In this cavern,... huh, but I could go on all day.
There is... something strange about Devil?s End.
Is Professor Horner being as... foolish as his critics would suggest? Huh, I must admit, standing here in this... unquiet place, I?m beginning to wonder myself.
Quiet please!
While I was recording that earlier this afternoon, the archaeological dig was proceeding apace. Professor Horner and his team have cut their way into the Devil?s Hump - as this barrow is called by the locals - as if it were a giant pie. But now the question is can Professor Horner pull out his plum!
Get on with it, man...
Or will the Professor be proved disastrously wrong?
For some two hundred years, the controversy has raged - What is the Devil?s Hump. Now, we?re not the first to try and find out. But from 1793, when Sir Percival Flint?s miners ran back to Cornwall leaving him for dead to the famous Cambridge University fiasco of 1939...
Has it started yet?
Shh, shh. Let?s see what he has to say.
_ has remained an enigma. Er, but tonight, the enigma will be solved. Tonight...
...at midnight, the witching hour, viewers of BBC3 will have the privilege of being present when Professor Gilbert Horner, the noted archeologist...
Got round to me at last, have you? About time too!
Er, not yet, Professor, not yet.
Hey you! Bring that camera over here, would you? Come on!
Er...
There - that?s the spot. Six inches behind there lies the greatest archeological find this country has known since Sutton Hoo.
Er, would you like to explain that reference, Professor?
No, and at midnight tonight...
Sutton Hoo, of course...
Never mind about Sutton Hoo.
This is what your precious viewers are interested in - the Devil?s Hump and what?s inside it - right?
And what is inside it?
Treasure, that?s what. The tomb of a great warrior chieftain, bronze age, 800BC.
Er, you?re very precise?
No need to take my word for it - see for yourself, midnight.
Ah yes, now then, why midnight and why tonight?
Well, it?s obvious - April 30th is Beltane, isn?t it?
Beltane?
You know, you ought to have done your homework before you came on this dig.
Er, for the viewers, Professor.
April 30th - Beltane - greatest occult festival of the year, bar Halloween.
Well, frankly, I?m not much wiser.
Beltane! Of course!
You?ve heard the tales about this place? The ghosts, the witches, the curse - the famous curse?
But you don?t believe that, do you? Well then, why have you...?
My new book comes out tomorrow.
Oh, then it?s what one might call a publicity gimmick?
Top of the class, lad!
And you?re not concerned of your colleagues to _?
You know, there?s something dreadfully wrong here.
Hey, you really mean that, don?t you?
Oh, they?ll react the same way as always - _ green.
Well, what could be wrong?
But surely, if you...
I don?t know.
Aquarius? The Devil?s Hump? Beltane?
_ of course I know you?re on the air. That?s why I?m here!
Come on, think, think!
Doctor look! Something?s going on.
Get your hands off me, young man! Let me go!
Okay, Harry.
I?ve come here to protest and protest I shall.
Er, this is Miss Hawthorne, a prominent local resident who?s very much opposed to Professor Horner?s dig. Er, Professor Horner, I believe you two have already met?
I?ll say - the daft woman?s been pestering me for weeks!
I?ve been trying to make you see reason.
Miss Hawthorn, why are you opposed to this dig?
Because this man is tampering with forces he does not understand.
Oh, come on now!
You?ll bring destruction on yourself and upon the whole area if you persist!
Pish!
Death and disaster await you! Believe me, I know!
Er, but that?s just it - why should we believe you and how do you know?
I?m a witch.
You see? I told you she was daft!
Miss Hawthorne, you don?t really mean to...
I tell you I?m a witch!
Wha... wha...
Well, white, of course...
Ah...
...but that is why you should listen to me - I know!
Well, thank you very much, Miss Hawthorn, for a most interesting...
I?ve cast the runes. I?ve consulted the talisman of mercury. It?s written in the stars.
When Beltane is come, tread softly. For lo, the prince himself is nigh... and tonight is Beltane!
You see? Mad as a hatter!
Er, the prince?
The prince of evil, the dark one, the horned beast!
Come on, Jo.
Where to?
Devil?s End, of course. That woman is perfectly right - we?ve got to stop that lunatic before it?s too late!
Miss Hawthorne, Professor Horner, thank you. So...
There we are - it seems that time is running out in more ways than one. What is going to happen here at midnight? Why not tune in to BBC3 and 11.45 tonight and find out? Until then, from me, it?s goodbye now. Alastair Fergus, The Passing Parade... Devil?s End.
Good for Miss Hawthorne! She kept her end up pretty well!
The woman?s round the twist if you ask me - always has been.
Er, you?re right Bert. Should have been put away years ago.
Oh, I?m not so sure she hasn?t got a point.
Broadly speaking, you know.
What? All that stuff about death and disaster? Well, you?re not telling me you believe it, Mr. Winstantley?
Well, no. But there have been a lot of queer goings-on the last few weeks.
Strange sudden noises and, er, gasts, er, gusts of wind, and poor old Jim dropping down in the churchyard.
Yeah, Frank was telling me his cows have gone dry... and my wife?s hens have stopped laying.
Yes, and all since they started digging up there on Devil?s Hump.
Could just be a coincidence, you know?
Ah, we?ve had a spell of bad weather. Always upsets things that does.
Yes, but just suppose she?s right, eh? How about that, Bert?
Well, I?ll tell you - if the old?n does come along here tonight, he can have my best room - my bread and butter, he is!
Good evening, Miss Hawthorne, Saw you on the television just now. Very good I thought you were.
They chopped me! Cut me off! Don?t you worry, Constable, I?ll get my chance later tonight - you?ll see!
Avaunt all ye elementals!
Avaunt all ye powers of adversity!
Be still and return to thy resting. Be at peace in thy sleeping...
Mr. Groom? Mr. Groom, are you all right?
Yes, I... I think so. I... I just felt a bit faint for a moment or two.
I?m not at all surprised. Not at all. It?ll pass, Mr. Groom, it?ll pass.
I?m feeling a lot better now already, thank you.
We must be on our guard, all of us.
Oh!
What do you want?
How dare you jump out at me like that! Out of my way, please.
What do you want?
Well, if you must know, I wish to contact the vicar.
Mr. Magister?s not in at the moment.
Not him - I mean the real vicar.
What would you call Mr. Magister then?
I mean Canon Smallwood - our old vicar. The one who left in such mysterious circumstances.
Nothing mysterious about it. Taken ill and had to leave.
Suddenly? In the middle of the night? Without so much as a goodbye to anyone in the village?
I?ve got no time to listen to your nonsense. I?ve got my work to do.
Very well then. I?ll see the other gentleman. I cannot say that I like him but he is at least a man of the cloth.
I told you, didn?t I? He?s not in.
Well, I intend to find that out for myself. Let me pass please.
You?re wasting your time.
If you don?t stand out of my way, Garvin, I shall be forced to use violence.
Dear me, I hope that violence will not be necessary.
Good evening, Miss Hawthorne, and, er, what can I do for you?
Well, that?s made a mess of my evening!
Everything in order, Yates?
Yes sir. No problems.
All right, Benton. Right, and I?m off. You know where to reach me if anything crops up.
Yes sir.
Have a good evening, sir.
Thank you, Captain Yates. Goodnight.
?Night, sir.
Goodnight, sir.
It?s all right for some, isn?t it, sir? And we?re stuck here with a television and a plate of...
Corned beef sandwiches!
I beg you to help me, Mr. Magister. Help me to stop that foolhardy man!
You mean the Professor? But surely...
He must not enter the tomb - tonight of all nights!
Why ever not?
Beltane. The forces of evil are abroad tonight.
Really, Miss Hawthorne, as a rational man, I...
We are all in mortal peril, Vicar! Have you no concern for the souls in your care?
The soul as such is a very dated concept. Er, viewing the matter existentially, I...
Existentially? Oh, you?re a blockhead!
Miss Hawthorne, one moment. You?re very distressed, I can see that. You know, you really are worrying unduly.
There?s nothing to worry about. You must believe me. You must believe me.
Must... believe...
Oh, why should I believe you? A rationalist, existentialist priest indeed!
Listen to me!
You?re a fool, sir! If you won?t help me, I must find someone who will!
It?s no good, we?re hopelessly lost!
I can?t understand it. We followed the sign posts all right.
Well, if we had, we would have been there by now. You must have missed one.
I did not!
If you look at the map the right way up, we might eventually get there! Now, which way is it.
Erm...
...that way.
Thank you very much!
You all right, Alastair?
Of course I?m all right! Why shouldn?t I be, for Pete?s sake?! Of all the stupid questions!
Well, I only asked. There?s no need to make a production number out of it.
I?m sorry, Harry. I?m just a bit on edge. I?ll be all right.
Everything okay, Professor? Won?t be long now.
Any sign of that fool woman?
Not so far.
Well, keep her away from me. I?ll tell you lad, I?ll do her a mischief.
Do my best. Now, you?ve got everything straight? We start with an intro from Alastair, then I give you a cue to launch into your speil...
Speil?
The chat bit, momentous occasion and all that?
Oh aye.
Tom says if you could break into the burial chamber as the church clock strikes the first stroke of midnight, that would be absolutely super.
Right-oh lad, I?ll do my best to be absolutely super!
Super...!
Professor?
Mmm?
Suppose something does happen?
Like?
Personal appearance of you-know-who?
Well, use your initiative, lad.
Get your chatty friend over there to interview him!
Of course! Why didn?t I think of that?
So, trying to run out of his own twenty-five, then inside to Neary...
Anything happen yet?
No sir, not a thing.
...to Robinson who couldn?t hold it.
Isn?t it about time for the dig?
Just about. This is highlights from the game at Twickenham.
Better turn over then.
Hey, did you see that?
Quite right too!
...a number of the Staffordshire county side.
As bad as the ref you are, sir!
Oh no!
That?ll line them.
Come along now friends, drink up!
Sorry sir, well past time.
Yeah, that?s quite all right. We don?t want a drink - just the directions to the Devil?s Hump.
Where the dig is.
Ah, you?re going up there are you? It?s all on telly, you know?
Yes, yes, I know but, er, would you please tell us the way? This is very urgent.
Always in such a hurry, you towns folk. All be the same in a hundred years time, sir!
I can assure you, sir, it will be no such thing!
Are you one of these television chaps then?
Er, I am no sort of chap sir!
Forgive me, but I thought... well, the costume and the wig, you know?
Wig?!
Now, Doctor!
What do you wanna go up the Hump for anyway?
Look, there is no time for all these unnecessary questions...
All the time in the world, sir!
I want to go up to the Devil?s Hump because I want to stop that lunatic Professor of your from bringing devastation upon you all!
Huh, one of Miss Hawthorne?s brigade!
Is nobody here capable of answering a perfectly simple enquiry? What?s the matter with you all?
You?re making all the fuss, old man.
Fuss? I?ve never heard such balderdash in all...
Doctor!
Look, could you please tell us the way?
Yes, certainly. Straight past the green outside, fork left, straight up the rise and you can?t miss it.
Excellent! Thank you very much!
Thank you. Goodbye.
Extraordinary fellow!
White hair he had, and a sort of cloak.
Did he by any chance call himself... the Doctor?
That?s right! It?s what the girl called him! How did you know that?
It?s of no importance.
Well Girton, you?ve... you?ve done very well.
But, er, why aren?t you ready?
Well, I thought I should tell you. He said he was going to stop the dig.
Well, you?d better hurry and change. We start the ceremony in a few minutes.
Quiet please! Lots of lovely hush!
Quiet!
Stand by... on the studio announcement now. Good luck, Tom.
Welcome back, viewers. And here at the Devil?s Hump, the excitement is intense. The stage it set. What shall we see when the curtain rises?
As my will, so mote it be.
Nema.
Hearken to my voice, oh dark one. Ancient and awful, supreme in artifice, bearer of power, I conjure thee - be present here at my command and truly do my will.
Aba, Abara, Agarbara, Gad, Gadoal, Galdina!
lo Evohe!
As my will, so mote it be!
It?s no good, we?re just wasting time, come on! Run _.
Let?s face it - you?ve had enough blather from t?other feller! You want to see for yourself. Well, I?ll tell you what you?re gonna see - a stone wall.
There you are. What did I tell you? I?m not daft!
Ogoteruss awbm, Aleht tnewy ramahe, Ehwy revedna wonssa, Etih swawec stahn, Bmaltlttiladahy ram!
lo Evohe!
Eko, eko, Azal!
Eko, eko, Azal!
Stop! Stop that dig!
Stop it!
By the power of earth, by the power of air, by the power of fire eternal and the waters of the deep, I conjure thee and charge thee Azal - arise, arise at my command, Azal! Azal!
Azal!
Stop! Don?t pull that stone! Don?t!
Azal!
Look!
Doctor! Are you... are you all right?
Doctor! No! Doctor! Oh no!