Doc Martin (2004–…): Season 3, Episode 4 - The Admirer - full transcript
Martin confirms to his aunt Joan that she suffers from osteoporosis. When she begins to have a relationship with someone much younger than herself, Martin has great difficulty accepting the fact, but she insists that she is having fun and has no intention of stopping. Carrie Wilson clearly has her sights set on Martin, much to Louisa's annoyance. PC Joe Penhale throws a party for himself. Al Large returns home after having been traveling for a while but it may not have been the holiday he makes it out to be.
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Nah. Oh, no. I
wouldn't do that, Doc.
You see, it says that you
may have won a million pound.
What are you doing?
Admiral gray.
Solid choice, though a little
uninspired, if I may say so.
Still, Pauline said it
was what was required.
Don't suppose there's any
chance of a cuppa, is there?
No, there isn't.
Whoops.
Why is that man
painting my house?
You did say the place
was looking a bit shabby.
He's a proper painter,
portraits and everything.
Painter my... [Inhales sharply]
Oh, it's on the carpet now!
Well, it's only a little bit.
Any amount of paint
on any carpet is bad.
Clean it up.
Is that part of my
job description?
Yes.
Ah. About time someone thought
about brightening up this place.
[Clicks tongue] Shame
it's such a small job.
Not that much work about.
Well, actually, my kitchen
could do with a fresh coat
if you've got time.
Sure.
I'll take a look
later, if you'd like.
Oh. Well, I'm Joan Norton.
Haven House
Farm, up by the cliffs.
It's a date, then.
Edward.
Oh.
Uh... [Chuckles]
[Chuckles] Sorry.
[Laughs]
[Door opens]
Marty.
I presume this is about
a repeat prescription.
Uh, no, it's not, actually.
I've heard the results of
your bone density scan.
Oh, is this, uh...
Is this new?
No.
Unfortunately, this confirms
that you do have osteoporosis.
Have a seat.
You'll need a higher
dose of estrogen
than you're currently
getting from the tablets.
I'd say the best way to proceed
would be an estrogen implant.
Right.
It's a relatively
simple procedure.
I can do it here in the surgery.
The implant itself is no
bigger than a grain of rice,
and it's inserted in the
skin of the abdomen.
What if I don't want an implant?
Well, then your bones will
become increasingly weak
and prone to breaks.
I really think that the
implant is your best option.
Right.
Well, let's do it now, then.
[Door opens]
DOC MARTIN: Auntie Joan.
If you have any
irritation or side effects,
- then don't hesitate...
- Don't fuss.
Okay.
Is she okay?
[Door opens]
See you later on, then, Joan.
[Footsteps approaching]
Auntie Joan.
I can print off some leaflets
if you might find that helpful.
It has already been a long day.
Dr. Ellingham.
What do you think?
Hmm?
I'm outside.
Right.
Panic attacks under control.
It's good doctoring, that.
This is for you. Birthday party.
I'm having it at the
Wilson Hotel this Friday.
Not so much a birthday
party as a lineup.
I see them. They get to see me.
Everyone knows where they stand.
I'm busy.
Say no more.
[Door opens]
How often have you
had blurred vision?
Well, it's only happened
the once, in the shower.
But I noticed a tingling
in my hands the other day.
A tingling.
Both hands or just one?
Both. It was definitely both.
I think I know what's
wrong with me.
What?
I think it's the beginning
of multiple sclerosis.
Oh.
Don't tell me. You looked
that up on the Internet.
Well, yes, I did,
actually, but...
A tingling sensation in one hand
could be taken as a
symptom, not both.
Your optic disks would
be pale if you had M.S.
Yours aren't.
You're certain?
I could check it on
the Internet if you like.
But my symptoms...
Are the onset of middle age.
Oh, my God. That's...
You have no idea
how scared I've been.
I mean, I've only just got
my life back after Stephen left,
and then this happened.
But if you're certain
everything's okay, then.
Well, thank you, Doctor.
Yes. Now, if you don't
mind, I have patients
- who might actually be ill.
- CARRIE: Right.
Oh, Princess Tinkle.
Hello. Hey, baby.
Say hello to the doctor.
This is Princess Tinkle.
She's a show dog.
Not in my surgery, thank
you. Dogs are full of disease.
Oh. Come on, baby.
[Princess Tinkle growling]
I don't suppose
I could repay you
by buying you lunch, could I?
No.
Oh. Well, if you change your
mind, you know where to find me.
The Wilson Hotel.
Carrie Wilson. Wilson Hotel.
Bye-bye.
I'd watch that one
if I were you, Doc.
Not as dumb as she looks.
Let's just say she
got the gold mine.
Husband got the shaft.
Do that at home.
Oh, I do.
Oh. Shame.
Dad?
Dad, it's me.
[Siren chirps]
It's okay, mate. I live here.
You always make an entrance
through the window, do you?
No, no, but... well, I'm Al.
Sorry. Who are you?
- Put your hands on the car.
- Hey, hang on, mate.
Hang on.
I'm P.C. Penhale, Al,
and so far I've got you
on trespassing and
attempted break-in.
Let's not add resisting
arrest to the list.
No, no. I'm Al Large.
Bert's son. You
know Bert, don't you?
Bert Large doesn't live here.
- What? Yes, he does.
- No.
He lives on the other
side of the village.
Are you sure you're his son?
I've been away, ain't
I? Traveling. Africa.
And they don't have
phones in Africa?
I call my dad twice a week.
Well, I've been in
the jungle, okay?
So, if you just tell
me where my dad is,
then I can be moving along.
Fine.
I'll give you a lift
to his restaurant.
But I'm watching you.
His restaurant?
[Engine shuts off,
car door opens]
[Car door closes]
[Knock on door]
EDWARD: Hello.
Oh, it's you.
Come in.
Right. Well.
Something summery. They
do a lovely sunrise yellow.
It will all end up all
smudged and dirty.
Ah.
The existential
approach to decorating.
Believe me, I find
discussing color schemes
as boring as you do.
Not exactly what I
went to art school for.
You know what, Joan?
I'd like to paint you.
A portrait.
The last thing this world
needs is a picture of me.
Something neoclassical.
No.
Maybe you just don't see
yourself as you really are.
Get out.
I-I didn't mean to...
No, I know exactly
what you meant.
How much do you charge?
£100? £200?
It was gonna be a gift.
It's been a while since
I've had someone sit for me.
I'm so sorry.
I'm being stupid.
I think it would be
best if you left now.
Yes, because the
chivalrous thing
would be to run away the
moment a lady starts crying.
Oh. I know, I know.
I'm sorry about the wait.
Your food will be here directly.
Two shakes of a lamb's tail.
Al!
Hello, Dad.
Here you are, boy. [Laughs]
Well, you should
have called, eh?
Let me know you
were coming back.
Well, I wanted to
surprise you, didn't I?
Well, you could
have called anytime.
You know, I mean...
Not that I was worried
about my only son
taking off halfway
across the world.
I deserved that.
I mean, I should have
written. I should have called.
[Laughs]
Folly of youth, eh?
AL: Mm.
This really all yours, is it?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Every last pot and pan.
And you gave up
plumbing just like that?
This is the dream now, boy.
- Bert.
- Yeah.
Got orders ready to go.
Oh. You remember
Mick, don't you?
He was at school with you.
Bert.
Well, go on, then.
That's my son, that
is. That's my boy.
[Swing music plays]
- [Creaking]
- Auntie Joan?
Auntie Joan?
- Aah!
- Martin!
I've got those, uh,
pamphlets I told you about.
Oh, God!
[Engine turns over]
- Mm!
- [Brakes squeal]
MAN: Oh!
Did I hit you?
No, no. I don't think so.
It all happened so fast.
Are you okay?
Oh, yes, yes. No, I'm fine.
I should have looked
where I was going.
Oh, I had a feeling I
might run into you again.
I didn't think it
would be literally.
LOUISA: Gosh. Do you
two know each other?
Oh. Is that my shopping?
Thank you, uh...
Louisa.
Of course.
[Sighs]
- Are you all right?
- I do feel a little dizzy.
I've never been in
an accident before.
Well, luckily, it
wasn't an accident
because he didn't
actually hit you, did he?
Yeah, it could be shock.
Yes, that's possible.
Or just a fright.
There's a world of difference
between getting a fright
and suffering from shock.
Almost feel a little
claustrophobic.
- Really?
- Louisa, give her some space.
Oh, sorry.
I mean, I'm sure I'm making
a fuss about nothing, honestly.
Plenty of people almost
get run over every day.
Maybe if it's not too
much trouble... a lift home?
Yes, of course.
Thank you.
Oh. [Smooches]
Oh.
Go away.
I'll take that.
Thank you.
[Snoring]
MICK: Like father, like son, eh?
He was worried
about you, you know.
You could have called.
[Sighs] It's none of
your business, is it?
Well, he's been good to me.
Don't like to see
him treated like that.
Maybe he's a little blind
when it comes to you.
Hey, listen. He's
my dad, all right?
You just work for him.
So don't get any
big ideas, yeah?
That's a fair point.
Then again, I'm not the one
sleeping on the sofa, am I?
I'll just be in my room.
Goodbye.
Uh, would you help me in?
I'm not feeling too steady.
It must be the shock.
Oh. Big hands.
Your pulse is strong, and
your hands aren't clammy.
You're not in shock.
Oh, I see.
This must be
very boring for you.
Well beneath your
medical expertise.
Well, I don't know about that.
Well, thank you
for the lift anyway...
Martin.
[Sighs]
Get out.
Go on, get out. Shoo.
Shoo. Get out!
[Sighs]
- Aah!
- It's Edward.
He's having some sort of attack.
[Gasping]
CARRIE: You've got to
put something in his mouth.
Martin, he's going
to swallow his tongue.
Mrs. Wilson, will you please
just leave me to do my job?
Oh, it's just "Carrie."
Does he have a
history of epilepsy?
Oh, I don't really know him.
He's doing some painting
and gardening work for me
in return for room and board.
I think he's a vegetarian.
- Can you hear me, Mr., uh...
- Melville.
Mr. Melville?
Oh. It's you.
Edward, you've had a seizure.
Has anything like
this happened before?
No. No, never.
Hmm.
Your fitting's stopped,
but you'll still have to
go to hospital for an EEG.
I'll call Joan. She can take me.
No. No, a taxi will be quicker.
Marty?
I brought you some eggs.
I could feel you glowering
right across the village.
Auntie Joan.
Edward is fine.
They've sent him home.
Any inflammation or
irritation with your implant?
It's the age difference
that bothers you, isn't it?
None of my business.
I'm not happy to
sit in front of the fire
- and watch time tick by.
- Right.
My life is not over,
and until it is, I intend
to make the most of it.
Okay.
Marty, for heaven's
sake, say something!
If you have a problem
with my relationship,
let's talk about it.
No. I don't believe
it's a real relationship.
Oh, and you'd know about that?
I know that sex
on the kitchen table
with a man 50 years your junior
doesn't qualify as
a real relationship.
Yes, I'm sorry
that you saw that.
Well, must be that implant
playing havoc with
your hormonal balance.
Marty, this is not
a medical problem.
He makes me happy.
He makes me...
He makes me feel younger.
Oh, for God's sake!
He's young enough
to be your son.
Probably got some Oedipal
complex or something.
Which means he
thinks you're his mother.
I know what it means, Martin.
I just question
your right to criticize
considering your
relationship history.
It's not about me.
Oh, isn't it? Sometimes I
think you want everybody to be
as lonely and
miserable as you are.
I'm not lonely or miserable.
I am going to continue
to see Edward.
It won't last forever, and
it certainly isn't true love.
But it's what I want,
so get used to it.
Osteoporosis and sexual
intercourse on kitchen tables
don't mix.
Can I help you?
Oh, hope so. Do you
have any cimetidine?
I've got a bit of a funny tummy.
Oh, you'll have to
ask Dr. Ellingham
for a prescription
for that, I'm afraid.
Oh, I should have asked
Martin when I saw him yesterday.
Only I was enjoying
our chat so much I forgot.
Dr. Ellingham is conscientious
about handing out prescriptions.
I can imagine.
Not the sort of man
to be railroaded.
He reminds me a little
of my first boyfriend.
Was something
of a rebel as well.
What do you think
about this one?
I think it's very pungent.
Is there anything
else I can get... Oh.
No manners either.
Good day!
Off she goes reeking
of cheap perfume.
Well, it takes all kinds.
What was that she was
saying about her first boyfriend?
Oh, I'm not much of a
gossip, but I will say this.
Our doc would be well
advised to avoid that one.
Why? What do you mean?
Even the bravest of souls can
be distracted by the harpy's song.
Yes, but we're talking
about the doc here.
All men are the same.
They can't help it.
If it's thrown down on
a plate in front of them,
they grab a knife and fork.
And you've definitely ordered me
the one with the
beige suede seat?
Good. And the
orange matte helmet?
Hello, there.
Um, I'm afraid the doc doesn't
have any free appointments.
You'll have to come
back tomorrow.
- Pauline.
- No, I'm sorry.
I'm not speaking to you.
Well, I thought
I'd surprise you.
You have.
So, you have a
good time, did you?
Suppose so. Too busy to call.
I phoned.
Once. First week.
When you were drunk.
[Sighs]
Lost a bit of weight.
[Chuckles] Yep. Yep.
So, what are you doing
back so soon, then?
Well, I-I just, uh...
Well...
Well...
I missed you.
Oh, Al.
[Chuckles]
So, you can tell
me all about it.
- You see any lions?
- No lions, no.
- Elephants?
- No.
Can I get a cup
of tea? I'm a bit...
Yeah, all right.
Then you can give
me my presents.
[Door opens]
[Yawns]
Al.
Yeah. Fine, yeah.
Had a good time in
Kampala. Saw a lot of stuff.
Came back.
Good.
- Uh, Doc.
- Yes.
You got a minute?
Um, yes.
I, uh...
I think I need
some sleeping pills.
Why?
Well, I'm all turned
around from the jet lag.
I sleep in the day, and then
I can't get to sleep at night.
You were in Uganda, weren't you?
That's only two or
three hours ahead of us.
Three, yeah.
Well, there wouldn't
be any jet lag.
Yeah, but I'm exhausted.
Did you get ill while
you were traveling?
No. No, Doc, I had a great time.
Hung out on Lake Victoria.
Swimming, barbecues, volleyball.
How come you haven't got a tan?
Uh...
Well...
Yeah.
Okay.
Maybe that's because I, um...
I didn't have that good a time.
Maybe that's because I
spent the last two months
working in a bottle factory.
I see.
14-hour shifts,
Doc. Sleeping rough.
Lived on Mars
bars and Coca-Cola.
My passport, my
clothes, my cash.
Everything was stolen.
[Telephone rings]
I had to earn money
just to get back here.
That would explain
why you're tired
and your sleeping
pattern's irregular.
So can you give
me something for it?
No, no. Just give it a couple
of days, and it will pass.
Emergency phone
call for you, Doc.
Excuse me.
Ellingham.
M-Mrs. Wilson, Mrs.
Wilson, slow down.
[Bell rings]
Oh, in here.
I hope this is serious.
Oh, it is serious.
It's my heart.
It was pounding and fluttering,
and I had shortness of breath.
Classic heart-attack symptoms.
Stop talking.
Your pulse is regular.
Quite strong.
Well, it must have
calmed down a bit.
Isn't that always the way
when the doctor shows up?
No.
Any other symptoms?
Not as such.
I must have
panicked a little bit.
But seeing as you're here,
maybe I can fix you a cup of coffee.
No.
How many cups have you had?
Uh, two, three.
More if you count the
espresso I had at breakfast.
Do I need to insult
your intelligence
by pointing out the connection
between caffeine consumption
and your palpitations?
I have genuinely sick people
who require genuine
medical attention.
A simple no would have done.
This is not a social call.
Well, nobody's stopping
you from leaving.
Well, stop... talking.
[Laughing] Oh.
I made an appointment
to see you tomorrow.
Hospital gave me the
EEG. I hope you don't mind.
No. Goodbye.
I suppose I'd better go, too.
Stay with me.
I need looking after.
[Laughing] You're a
grown man, Edward.
You can do without
me for a couple of hours.
Shoo! Get off!
Sorry. I must have
dozed off in front of the TV.
It's all right. I
got you one in.
Bit flat now, though.
So, what are you gonna
do now you're back?
Well, I've got nowhere to live.
Dad's closed the
business, so I've got no job.
So I was thinking something
like a millionaire playboy.
A bit like Bruce Wayne.
Yeah, but he was Batman as
well. You have to think of something.
Hmm.
So?
So maybe everybody
should stop asking me
so many bloody questions.
No need to take that
tone with me, Al Large.
Sorry. I just meant that...
I'm out. Give me a pound.
Oh.
There.
Excuse me for
wanting to talk to you.
I have missed you, you know.
Often found
myself just thinking,
"I wonder what
AI's up to right now."
So if I'm full of questions,
it's only because...
- [Coins jingle]
- Oh, my God. Al.
We've only gone and won.
Well, technically
it's me, but...
You okay? You look a bit clammy.
Yeah, I'm fine, yeah.
Probably the start
of food poisoning
from that bloody Mick Mabley.
Mm.
[Footsteps approaching]
CARRIE: Hello.
Door was unlocked.
Well, it shouldn't be.
The surgery is closed.
Whatever illness it
is you think you have
will have to wait
till the morning.
I'm actually here
about your dog.
I don't have a dog.
That thing is not mine.
That isn't what I was told.
Out!
Out! Out! Out!
- Out!
- The problem is,
he's become a little
too friendly with my dog.
And I'm no snob, but
she is a pedigree after all...
Mrs. Wilson, I'm not
remotely interested
in the mating
habits of your dog.
Oh, I'm sorry if I'm
being a bit of a nuisance.
You probably can't help it.
[Chuckles]
You really don't seem to
care what people think, do you?
You're very refreshing.
- Am I?
- Oh, yes.
Are you... Sorry.
Are you blushing?
No.
Um... are you going to P.C.
Penhale's party tomorrow?
- No, I'm not.
- Oh, that's a shame.
I was hoping we could get to
know each other a little better.
I'd hate for you to think of me
as some sort of
hysterical hypochondriac.
Right.
Well, maybe you'll
change your mind.
I-I don't change my mind.
Definitely blushing, I'm afraid.
No. I'm just, uh, hot.
Oh, hello, Joe.
Sorry. P.C. Penhale.
Not often see you drinking here.
Water.
Just posted myself here to
check for underage drinkers.
So, you coming to my
party tomorrow night?
Still rounding up the RSVPs.
Yeah, I was... I
was thinking about it.
Not a big fan of parties.
Too many people.
Too many things can go wrong.
Still, should be fun, though.
[Chuckles]
Yeah.
JOAN: Oh.
I really ought to
get back to the farm.
Five more minutes.
We can have ice cream.
[Chuckles] Those chickens
won't feed themselves.
Please.
[Chuckling] Edward.
My mum used to say my name
exactly like that
when she was angry.
Right. Well, I won't
say it again, then.
I really don't mind.
Get out. Go on. Get, get.
Go on. Get.
How's old Mrs. Norton?
She's fine.
What are you doing here?
Mr. Melville's EEG
result has arrived.
[Door opens]
Door.
So, how were the
brain activity results?
Did they find any?
Take a seat.
Your EEG was negative.
Oh.
That's good.
Right.
No sign of epilepsy, but
that doesn't explain your fit.
Fits.
There was another the other day.
- Who's your GP?
- Don't really have one.
Sort of moved
from place to place.
Are you on any medication?
No.
Any significant
medical incidents
in the last five years?
Ooh. [Exhales deeply]
It's hard to remember.
Try.
Okay.
About two years ago, I
did suffer from depression.
Minor depression.
And there was also
some erectile dysfunction.
Did you receive treatment?
No.
Do you still suffer
from the same problem?
[Laughs] There are no problems.
No problems downstairs at all.
I meant do you still
suffer from depression?
Oh.
Well, my mother had
recently passed away,
and these things
take time, I suppose.
But I'm better now.
Happy as Larry.
[Breathes deeply]
Just over two hours
till this thing kicks off.
Of course, I'll need to see
your fire-safety certificates,
check the emergency exits.
Because?
Well, I'm expecting quite a
large turnout this evening.
Want to avoid any
unfortunate tragedies.
Was that my last patient?
PAULINE: Yeah.
- Doc, I'm worried about Al.
- Hmm?
Since he's come back,
he's sleeping all the time.
He looks terrible, like he's
coming down with something.
Yes, that's quite possible.
The immune system's not so
effective when you're run-down.
Oh, so it's just jet lag, then?
No, it's got nothing
to do with jet lag.
I'd imagine it's the fatigue
from doing the shift work
combined with the
experience of sleeping rough.
That would leave him
vulnerable to all sorts of things.
What?
If he wants an examination,
tell him to see me.
He wasn't doing shift work.
He was holidaying,
seeing the sights.
Doc, is there
something you know?
- None of my business.
- So you do know something.
Pauline, stop being childish.
No. I'm being emotional.
Why was Al doing shift work?
Ask Al.
[Cellphone rings]
What?
You never told me you
were working over there.
- Pauline.
- And sleeping rough, too.
You told me you came
back because you missed me.
Well, I did. I did miss you.
You ran out of money. What
were you spending it on?
Not now, Pauline.
[Gasps]
[Scoffs]
Oh. Is the doc in?
Yeah.
Al?
Al Large, you don't
get to hang up on me.
Wake up.
Bert, help!
Al, please. Bert!
Yes?
Martin?
Louisa.
- Are you busy?
- Uh, no.
Just thought I'd
pop by, say hello.
- Hello.
- Hello.
P.C. Penhale's roped me
into going to his party later.
It's probably gonna be terrible.
Ghastly.
So I just wondered if
you were going anyway,
or if you wanted
to meet me there.
You know, doesn't have
to be for the whole thing.
Um, yes.
Yes.
Penhale's party at
Mrs. Wilson's hotel.
I'll be there.
Oh, right.
- What?
- Nothing.
It's just I thought
you hated parties.
Uh, well, you know. It depends.
Why are you so keen
to go to this one, then?
I'm not. You just asked me to.
I did.
I'm just surprised that you're
planning on going, that's all.
So you asked me to go because
you expected me to say no?
No, I asked you because
I hoped you'd say yes.
I did say yes.
Well, it's just usually I
have to twist your arm
- to do anything.
- [Telephone rings]
I'm sorry. I have no idea
what it is you want me to say.
Excuse me.
Ellingham.
Pauline...
Uh, right. Put him in
the recovery position.
I'll be right there.
Sorry. Sorry.
I have an emergency.
I've got to...
Go. Yes, I know.
About the party...
An emergency.
Right. Sorry.
- Breath in.
- [Inhales deeply]
- Out.
- [Exhales deeply]
In.
Out.
When did you regain
consciousness?
In. Don't answer that. Pauline?
He woke up just
after I called you.
Out.
In.
Out.
How are you feeling now?
Uh, not so good, Doc.
You still awake at night
and asleep during the day?
Mm.
What?
- You been taking drugs, Al?
- No.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
What's wrong with him, Doc?
Your lymph glands
are slightly swollen.
Did you get bitten by any
insects while you were away?
Yeah.
Yeah. This one
itches like crazy.
No, don't scratch it.
Yes, that looks like tsetse fly.
Have there been any mood swings?
Have there ever.
I think it could be East
African sleeping sickness.
It's quite
interesting, actually.
The fly bites through the skin,
and the parasites are
injected into the bloodstream,
but once inside the body,
they continue to replicate
as they make their
way to the brain,
eventually invading the
whole central nervous system.
Mm.
Pauline, will you take a
blood sample, please?
Uh...
Are you sure you
know what you're doing?
I did a course.
Got a certificate
and everything.
But, Doc, if he's got this
thing, will he be all right?
Yeah. It's nasty,
but he should be fine.
You'll need a course of
injections of melarsoprol.
If that doesn't work, then he
might need to spend some time
in the Hospital for Tropical
Diseases, but I'm hopeful.
Will you hurry up, Pauline?
I have to be somewhere.
[Princess Tinkle barks]
[Squish]
[Groans]
Tinkle!
Princess Tinkle!
Where are you, baby?
[Dance music plays]
- All right, Louisa.
- All right, Joe.
[Audio feedback]
Before the fun starts,
I want you all to look at the
person standing next to you.
Statistics say that one of you
will break the law
in the next month.
So be alert.
Later on, we have a raffle.
First prize is a guided
tour of the police station.
You haven't seen
Princess Tinkle, have you?
What? Sorry.
- My dog. She's wandered off.
- No.
I mean, she's
probably out terrorizing
all the local boy dogs.
Neither one of us has ever
had any trouble making friends.
I'll bet.
Excuse me. I
must find my Tinkle.
JOAN: Help! Help, someone!
Please! Please help.
Oh, Martin.
Martin, I've been
trying to get hold of you.
Put some clothes on.
I think he's dead.
Please, please, please.
Come. Come now. Now, now.
Come on. Quick, quick.
He's in here.
There.
Hold this.
He's alive. What happened?
Uh, well, we were...
We were just...
I see.
And then he suddenly
had another fit.
But he said his EEG was fine.
It was.
How long has he
been unconscious?
Oh, I don't know.
About a minute.
I came downstairs
to get help and...
Has he been drinking
or using drugs?
Oh, Martin. We're not teenagers.
He takes pills for hay fever,
but that wouldn't do this.
Here, let me see them.
It's, uh, Vardenafil.
He takes two or three
whenever I see him.
Hasn't sneezed once.
This is a drug used to help
with erectile dysfunction.
These are 100 milligrams.
You're supposed to take one.
Excessive use can
lead to seizures.
Mr. Melville, you lied
about your medication
and endangered your life.
- You're an idiot.
- Martin!
Stick to the recommended dosage.
Or find another
way to pass the time.
Martin, just leave it.
I've explained what's going
on. Crowd's under control.
If you need a police
escort or anything...
The ambulance will be
here in a few minutes.
Right.
Just because it's
a party, though,
doesn't mean I'm off-duty.
Go back inside.
Right.
Auntie Joan...
I'm sorry about that
Oedipus remark.
That was unkind.
No.
No, I think you were
probably accurate.
Really?
Creepy.
[Footsteps approaching]
Sir, can you hear me?
Mummy? Is that you?
Thank you. Thank you.
Oh. Martin.
How's Mr. Melville?
He's fine.
Um, I didn't think
you'd want to stay.
Right. Have you
seen Mrs. Wilson?
- Oh, Martin.
- Mrs. Wilson.
I was just thinking about you.
Now, can I get you a drink?
I need to talk to you.
Um, will you excuse us?
Yes?
I've killed your dog.
What?
It was an accident.
It got under the, um, got
under the wheel of my car.
It died instantly, I think.
You're probably not aware
that, as the dog's owner,
it's your responsibility
to dispose of it
before it becomes
a health hazard.
Oh, um, we better
get some ice on that.
It's fine. It was
the other cheek.
Right.
Is that wine you're drinking?
Look, Martin,
just because somebody
has got a glass of wine,
it doesn't make
them an alcoholic,
so, you know, whatever symptoms
that you think you can see...
No, I was going to ask you
if I can get you another glass.
Oh.
Yes. Thank you.
WOMAN: Like this.
P.C. PENHALE: Settle
down, settle down.
[Audio feedback]
Settle down.
I have the results
of the raffle.
I'm just here for a minute.
Bert's looking after Al.
I want to see
who's won the raffle.
And the lucky winner
of prize number four is...
number 52.
That's me! That's me!
It was quite a
slap she gave you.
I did run over her dog.
Well, I suppose
some people might feel
that she's a little
bit, you know, um...
Narcissistic, hypochondriacal,
and extremely annoying.
Yes.
P.C. PENHALE: Number 12.
Martin, a friend of
mine is in an orchestra,
and they're doing a
charity concert next week,
and I've got two tickets, so...
- Yes.
- Yes?
If that's an invitation.
Yes, it was.
I should warn you,
they are amateurs.
Well, everyone has
to start somewhere.
Yeah.
Ow! Martin, I'm sorry.
What are you doing?
Y149ULD.
- What? That's my car.
- It's blocking the fire exit.
So I've instructed for
it to be towed away.
What?! No. No, no.
Sorry. I've got to go.
I'll see you next week
at the concert, then?
- Yes. Yes.
- Bye.
Subtitling made
possible by Acorn Media
possible by Acorn Media
Nah. Oh, no. I
wouldn't do that, Doc.
You see, it says that you
may have won a million pound.
What are you doing?
Admiral gray.
Solid choice, though a little
uninspired, if I may say so.
Still, Pauline said it
was what was required.
Don't suppose there's any
chance of a cuppa, is there?
No, there isn't.
Whoops.
Why is that man
painting my house?
You did say the place
was looking a bit shabby.
He's a proper painter,
portraits and everything.
Painter my... [Inhales sharply]
Oh, it's on the carpet now!
Well, it's only a little bit.
Any amount of paint
on any carpet is bad.
Clean it up.
Is that part of my
job description?
Yes.
Ah. About time someone thought
about brightening up this place.
[Clicks tongue] Shame
it's such a small job.
Not that much work about.
Well, actually, my kitchen
could do with a fresh coat
if you've got time.
Sure.
I'll take a look
later, if you'd like.
Oh. Well, I'm Joan Norton.
Haven House
Farm, up by the cliffs.
It's a date, then.
Edward.
Oh.
Uh... [Chuckles]
[Chuckles] Sorry.
[Laughs]
[Door opens]
Marty.
I presume this is about
a repeat prescription.
Uh, no, it's not, actually.
I've heard the results of
your bone density scan.
Oh, is this, uh...
Is this new?
No.
Unfortunately, this confirms
that you do have osteoporosis.
Have a seat.
You'll need a higher
dose of estrogen
than you're currently
getting from the tablets.
I'd say the best way to proceed
would be an estrogen implant.
Right.
It's a relatively
simple procedure.
I can do it here in the surgery.
The implant itself is no
bigger than a grain of rice,
and it's inserted in the
skin of the abdomen.
What if I don't want an implant?
Well, then your bones will
become increasingly weak
and prone to breaks.
I really think that the
implant is your best option.
Right.
Well, let's do it now, then.
[Door opens]
DOC MARTIN: Auntie Joan.
If you have any
irritation or side effects,
- then don't hesitate...
- Don't fuss.
Okay.
Is she okay?
[Door opens]
See you later on, then, Joan.
[Footsteps approaching]
Auntie Joan.
I can print off some leaflets
if you might find that helpful.
It has already been a long day.
Dr. Ellingham.
What do you think?
Hmm?
I'm outside.
Right.
Panic attacks under control.
It's good doctoring, that.
This is for you. Birthday party.
I'm having it at the
Wilson Hotel this Friday.
Not so much a birthday
party as a lineup.
I see them. They get to see me.
Everyone knows where they stand.
I'm busy.
Say no more.
[Door opens]
How often have you
had blurred vision?
Well, it's only happened
the once, in the shower.
But I noticed a tingling
in my hands the other day.
A tingling.
Both hands or just one?
Both. It was definitely both.
I think I know what's
wrong with me.
What?
I think it's the beginning
of multiple sclerosis.
Oh.
Don't tell me. You looked
that up on the Internet.
Well, yes, I did,
actually, but...
A tingling sensation in one hand
could be taken as a
symptom, not both.
Your optic disks would
be pale if you had M.S.
Yours aren't.
You're certain?
I could check it on
the Internet if you like.
But my symptoms...
Are the onset of middle age.
Oh, my God. That's...
You have no idea
how scared I've been.
I mean, I've only just got
my life back after Stephen left,
and then this happened.
But if you're certain
everything's okay, then.
Well, thank you, Doctor.
Yes. Now, if you don't
mind, I have patients
- who might actually be ill.
- CARRIE: Right.
Oh, Princess Tinkle.
Hello. Hey, baby.
Say hello to the doctor.
This is Princess Tinkle.
She's a show dog.
Not in my surgery, thank
you. Dogs are full of disease.
Oh. Come on, baby.
[Princess Tinkle growling]
I don't suppose
I could repay you
by buying you lunch, could I?
No.
Oh. Well, if you change your
mind, you know where to find me.
The Wilson Hotel.
Carrie Wilson. Wilson Hotel.
Bye-bye.
I'd watch that one
if I were you, Doc.
Not as dumb as she looks.
Let's just say she
got the gold mine.
Husband got the shaft.
Do that at home.
Oh, I do.
Oh. Shame.
Dad?
Dad, it's me.
[Siren chirps]
It's okay, mate. I live here.
You always make an entrance
through the window, do you?
No, no, but... well, I'm Al.
Sorry. Who are you?
- Put your hands on the car.
- Hey, hang on, mate.
Hang on.
I'm P.C. Penhale, Al,
and so far I've got you
on trespassing and
attempted break-in.
Let's not add resisting
arrest to the list.
No, no. I'm Al Large.
Bert's son. You
know Bert, don't you?
Bert Large doesn't live here.
- What? Yes, he does.
- No.
He lives on the other
side of the village.
Are you sure you're his son?
I've been away, ain't
I? Traveling. Africa.
And they don't have
phones in Africa?
I call my dad twice a week.
Well, I've been in
the jungle, okay?
So, if you just tell
me where my dad is,
then I can be moving along.
Fine.
I'll give you a lift
to his restaurant.
But I'm watching you.
His restaurant?
[Engine shuts off,
car door opens]
[Car door closes]
[Knock on door]
EDWARD: Hello.
Oh, it's you.
Come in.
Right. Well.
Something summery. They
do a lovely sunrise yellow.
It will all end up all
smudged and dirty.
Ah.
The existential
approach to decorating.
Believe me, I find
discussing color schemes
as boring as you do.
Not exactly what I
went to art school for.
You know what, Joan?
I'd like to paint you.
A portrait.
The last thing this world
needs is a picture of me.
Something neoclassical.
No.
Maybe you just don't see
yourself as you really are.
Get out.
I-I didn't mean to...
No, I know exactly
what you meant.
How much do you charge?
£100? £200?
It was gonna be a gift.
It's been a while since
I've had someone sit for me.
I'm so sorry.
I'm being stupid.
I think it would be
best if you left now.
Yes, because the
chivalrous thing
would be to run away the
moment a lady starts crying.
Oh. I know, I know.
I'm sorry about the wait.
Your food will be here directly.
Two shakes of a lamb's tail.
Al!
Hello, Dad.
Here you are, boy. [Laughs]
Well, you should
have called, eh?
Let me know you
were coming back.
Well, I wanted to
surprise you, didn't I?
Well, you could
have called anytime.
You know, I mean...
Not that I was worried
about my only son
taking off halfway
across the world.
I deserved that.
I mean, I should have
written. I should have called.
[Laughs]
Folly of youth, eh?
AL: Mm.
This really all yours, is it?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Every last pot and pan.
And you gave up
plumbing just like that?
This is the dream now, boy.
- Bert.
- Yeah.
Got orders ready to go.
Oh. You remember
Mick, don't you?
He was at school with you.
Bert.
Well, go on, then.
That's my son, that
is. That's my boy.
[Swing music plays]
- [Creaking]
- Auntie Joan?
Auntie Joan?
- Aah!
- Martin!
I've got those, uh,
pamphlets I told you about.
Oh, God!
[Engine turns over]
- Mm!
- [Brakes squeal]
MAN: Oh!
Did I hit you?
No, no. I don't think so.
It all happened so fast.
Are you okay?
Oh, yes, yes. No, I'm fine.
I should have looked
where I was going.
Oh, I had a feeling I
might run into you again.
I didn't think it
would be literally.
LOUISA: Gosh. Do you
two know each other?
Oh. Is that my shopping?
Thank you, uh...
Louisa.
Of course.
[Sighs]
- Are you all right?
- I do feel a little dizzy.
I've never been in
an accident before.
Well, luckily, it
wasn't an accident
because he didn't
actually hit you, did he?
Yeah, it could be shock.
Yes, that's possible.
Or just a fright.
There's a world of difference
between getting a fright
and suffering from shock.
Almost feel a little
claustrophobic.
- Really?
- Louisa, give her some space.
Oh, sorry.
I mean, I'm sure I'm making
a fuss about nothing, honestly.
Plenty of people almost
get run over every day.
Maybe if it's not too
much trouble... a lift home?
Yes, of course.
Thank you.
Oh. [Smooches]
Oh.
Go away.
I'll take that.
Thank you.
[Snoring]
MICK: Like father, like son, eh?
He was worried
about you, you know.
You could have called.
[Sighs] It's none of
your business, is it?
Well, he's been good to me.
Don't like to see
him treated like that.
Maybe he's a little blind
when it comes to you.
Hey, listen. He's
my dad, all right?
You just work for him.
So don't get any
big ideas, yeah?
That's a fair point.
Then again, I'm not the one
sleeping on the sofa, am I?
I'll just be in my room.
Goodbye.
Uh, would you help me in?
I'm not feeling too steady.
It must be the shock.
Oh. Big hands.
Your pulse is strong, and
your hands aren't clammy.
You're not in shock.
Oh, I see.
This must be
very boring for you.
Well beneath your
medical expertise.
Well, I don't know about that.
Well, thank you
for the lift anyway...
Martin.
[Sighs]
Get out.
Go on, get out. Shoo.
Shoo. Get out!
[Sighs]
- Aah!
- It's Edward.
He's having some sort of attack.
[Gasping]
CARRIE: You've got to
put something in his mouth.
Martin, he's going
to swallow his tongue.
Mrs. Wilson, will you please
just leave me to do my job?
Oh, it's just "Carrie."
Does he have a
history of epilepsy?
Oh, I don't really know him.
He's doing some painting
and gardening work for me
in return for room and board.
I think he's a vegetarian.
- Can you hear me, Mr., uh...
- Melville.
Mr. Melville?
Oh. It's you.
Edward, you've had a seizure.
Has anything like
this happened before?
No. No, never.
Hmm.
Your fitting's stopped,
but you'll still have to
go to hospital for an EEG.
I'll call Joan. She can take me.
No. No, a taxi will be quicker.
Marty?
I brought you some eggs.
I could feel you glowering
right across the village.
Auntie Joan.
Edward is fine.
They've sent him home.
Any inflammation or
irritation with your implant?
It's the age difference
that bothers you, isn't it?
None of my business.
I'm not happy to
sit in front of the fire
- and watch time tick by.
- Right.
My life is not over,
and until it is, I intend
to make the most of it.
Okay.
Marty, for heaven's
sake, say something!
If you have a problem
with my relationship,
let's talk about it.
No. I don't believe
it's a real relationship.
Oh, and you'd know about that?
I know that sex
on the kitchen table
with a man 50 years your junior
doesn't qualify as
a real relationship.
Yes, I'm sorry
that you saw that.
Well, must be that implant
playing havoc with
your hormonal balance.
Marty, this is not
a medical problem.
He makes me happy.
He makes me...
He makes me feel younger.
Oh, for God's sake!
He's young enough
to be your son.
Probably got some Oedipal
complex or something.
Which means he
thinks you're his mother.
I know what it means, Martin.
I just question
your right to criticize
considering your
relationship history.
It's not about me.
Oh, isn't it? Sometimes I
think you want everybody to be
as lonely and
miserable as you are.
I'm not lonely or miserable.
I am going to continue
to see Edward.
It won't last forever, and
it certainly isn't true love.
But it's what I want,
so get used to it.
Osteoporosis and sexual
intercourse on kitchen tables
don't mix.
Can I help you?
Oh, hope so. Do you
have any cimetidine?
I've got a bit of a funny tummy.
Oh, you'll have to
ask Dr. Ellingham
for a prescription
for that, I'm afraid.
Oh, I should have asked
Martin when I saw him yesterday.
Only I was enjoying
our chat so much I forgot.
Dr. Ellingham is conscientious
about handing out prescriptions.
I can imagine.
Not the sort of man
to be railroaded.
He reminds me a little
of my first boyfriend.
Was something
of a rebel as well.
What do you think
about this one?
I think it's very pungent.
Is there anything
else I can get... Oh.
No manners either.
Good day!
Off she goes reeking
of cheap perfume.
Well, it takes all kinds.
What was that she was
saying about her first boyfriend?
Oh, I'm not much of a
gossip, but I will say this.
Our doc would be well
advised to avoid that one.
Why? What do you mean?
Even the bravest of souls can
be distracted by the harpy's song.
Yes, but we're talking
about the doc here.
All men are the same.
They can't help it.
If it's thrown down on
a plate in front of them,
they grab a knife and fork.
And you've definitely ordered me
the one with the
beige suede seat?
Good. And the
orange matte helmet?
Hello, there.
Um, I'm afraid the doc doesn't
have any free appointments.
You'll have to come
back tomorrow.
- Pauline.
- No, I'm sorry.
I'm not speaking to you.
Well, I thought
I'd surprise you.
You have.
So, you have a
good time, did you?
Suppose so. Too busy to call.
I phoned.
Once. First week.
When you were drunk.
[Sighs]
Lost a bit of weight.
[Chuckles] Yep. Yep.
So, what are you doing
back so soon, then?
Well, I-I just, uh...
Well...
Well...
I missed you.
Oh, Al.
[Chuckles]
So, you can tell
me all about it.
- You see any lions?
- No lions, no.
- Elephants?
- No.
Can I get a cup
of tea? I'm a bit...
Yeah, all right.
Then you can give
me my presents.
[Door opens]
[Yawns]
Al.
Yeah. Fine, yeah.
Had a good time in
Kampala. Saw a lot of stuff.
Came back.
Good.
- Uh, Doc.
- Yes.
You got a minute?
Um, yes.
I, uh...
I think I need
some sleeping pills.
Why?
Well, I'm all turned
around from the jet lag.
I sleep in the day, and then
I can't get to sleep at night.
You were in Uganda, weren't you?
That's only two or
three hours ahead of us.
Three, yeah.
Well, there wouldn't
be any jet lag.
Yeah, but I'm exhausted.
Did you get ill while
you were traveling?
No. No, Doc, I had a great time.
Hung out on Lake Victoria.
Swimming, barbecues, volleyball.
How come you haven't got a tan?
Uh...
Well...
Yeah.
Okay.
Maybe that's because I, um...
I didn't have that good a time.
Maybe that's because I
spent the last two months
working in a bottle factory.
I see.
14-hour shifts,
Doc. Sleeping rough.
Lived on Mars
bars and Coca-Cola.
My passport, my
clothes, my cash.
Everything was stolen.
[Telephone rings]
I had to earn money
just to get back here.
That would explain
why you're tired
and your sleeping
pattern's irregular.
So can you give
me something for it?
No, no. Just give it a couple
of days, and it will pass.
Emergency phone
call for you, Doc.
Excuse me.
Ellingham.
M-Mrs. Wilson, Mrs.
Wilson, slow down.
[Bell rings]
Oh, in here.
I hope this is serious.
Oh, it is serious.
It's my heart.
It was pounding and fluttering,
and I had shortness of breath.
Classic heart-attack symptoms.
Stop talking.
Your pulse is regular.
Quite strong.
Well, it must have
calmed down a bit.
Isn't that always the way
when the doctor shows up?
No.
Any other symptoms?
Not as such.
I must have
panicked a little bit.
But seeing as you're here,
maybe I can fix you a cup of coffee.
No.
How many cups have you had?
Uh, two, three.
More if you count the
espresso I had at breakfast.
Do I need to insult
your intelligence
by pointing out the connection
between caffeine consumption
and your palpitations?
I have genuinely sick people
who require genuine
medical attention.
A simple no would have done.
This is not a social call.
Well, nobody's stopping
you from leaving.
Well, stop... talking.
[Laughing] Oh.
I made an appointment
to see you tomorrow.
Hospital gave me the
EEG. I hope you don't mind.
No. Goodbye.
I suppose I'd better go, too.
Stay with me.
I need looking after.
[Laughing] You're a
grown man, Edward.
You can do without
me for a couple of hours.
Shoo! Get off!
Sorry. I must have
dozed off in front of the TV.
It's all right. I
got you one in.
Bit flat now, though.
So, what are you gonna
do now you're back?
Well, I've got nowhere to live.
Dad's closed the
business, so I've got no job.
So I was thinking something
like a millionaire playboy.
A bit like Bruce Wayne.
Yeah, but he was Batman as
well. You have to think of something.
Hmm.
So?
So maybe everybody
should stop asking me
so many bloody questions.
No need to take that
tone with me, Al Large.
Sorry. I just meant that...
I'm out. Give me a pound.
Oh.
There.
Excuse me for
wanting to talk to you.
I have missed you, you know.
Often found
myself just thinking,
"I wonder what
AI's up to right now."
So if I'm full of questions,
it's only because...
- [Coins jingle]
- Oh, my God. Al.
We've only gone and won.
Well, technically
it's me, but...
You okay? You look a bit clammy.
Yeah, I'm fine, yeah.
Probably the start
of food poisoning
from that bloody Mick Mabley.
Mm.
[Footsteps approaching]
CARRIE: Hello.
Door was unlocked.
Well, it shouldn't be.
The surgery is closed.
Whatever illness it
is you think you have
will have to wait
till the morning.
I'm actually here
about your dog.
I don't have a dog.
That thing is not mine.
That isn't what I was told.
Out!
Out! Out! Out!
- Out!
- The problem is,
he's become a little
too friendly with my dog.
And I'm no snob, but
she is a pedigree after all...
Mrs. Wilson, I'm not
remotely interested
in the mating
habits of your dog.
Oh, I'm sorry if I'm
being a bit of a nuisance.
You probably can't help it.
[Chuckles]
You really don't seem to
care what people think, do you?
You're very refreshing.
- Am I?
- Oh, yes.
Are you... Sorry.
Are you blushing?
No.
Um... are you going to P.C.
Penhale's party tomorrow?
- No, I'm not.
- Oh, that's a shame.
I was hoping we could get to
know each other a little better.
I'd hate for you to think of me
as some sort of
hysterical hypochondriac.
Right.
Well, maybe you'll
change your mind.
I-I don't change my mind.
Definitely blushing, I'm afraid.
No. I'm just, uh, hot.
Oh, hello, Joe.
Sorry. P.C. Penhale.
Not often see you drinking here.
Water.
Just posted myself here to
check for underage drinkers.
So, you coming to my
party tomorrow night?
Still rounding up the RSVPs.
Yeah, I was... I
was thinking about it.
Not a big fan of parties.
Too many people.
Too many things can go wrong.
Still, should be fun, though.
[Chuckles]
Yeah.
JOAN: Oh.
I really ought to
get back to the farm.
Five more minutes.
We can have ice cream.
[Chuckles] Those chickens
won't feed themselves.
Please.
[Chuckling] Edward.
My mum used to say my name
exactly like that
when she was angry.
Right. Well, I won't
say it again, then.
I really don't mind.
Get out. Go on. Get, get.
Go on. Get.
How's old Mrs. Norton?
She's fine.
What are you doing here?
Mr. Melville's EEG
result has arrived.
[Door opens]
Door.
So, how were the
brain activity results?
Did they find any?
Take a seat.
Your EEG was negative.
Oh.
That's good.
Right.
No sign of epilepsy, but
that doesn't explain your fit.
Fits.
There was another the other day.
- Who's your GP?
- Don't really have one.
Sort of moved
from place to place.
Are you on any medication?
No.
Any significant
medical incidents
in the last five years?
Ooh. [Exhales deeply]
It's hard to remember.
Try.
Okay.
About two years ago, I
did suffer from depression.
Minor depression.
And there was also
some erectile dysfunction.
Did you receive treatment?
No.
Do you still suffer
from the same problem?
[Laughs] There are no problems.
No problems downstairs at all.
I meant do you still
suffer from depression?
Oh.
Well, my mother had
recently passed away,
and these things
take time, I suppose.
But I'm better now.
Happy as Larry.
[Breathes deeply]
Just over two hours
till this thing kicks off.
Of course, I'll need to see
your fire-safety certificates,
check the emergency exits.
Because?
Well, I'm expecting quite a
large turnout this evening.
Want to avoid any
unfortunate tragedies.
Was that my last patient?
PAULINE: Yeah.
- Doc, I'm worried about Al.
- Hmm?
Since he's come back,
he's sleeping all the time.
He looks terrible, like he's
coming down with something.
Yes, that's quite possible.
The immune system's not so
effective when you're run-down.
Oh, so it's just jet lag, then?
No, it's got nothing
to do with jet lag.
I'd imagine it's the fatigue
from doing the shift work
combined with the
experience of sleeping rough.
That would leave him
vulnerable to all sorts of things.
What?
If he wants an examination,
tell him to see me.
He wasn't doing shift work.
He was holidaying,
seeing the sights.
Doc, is there
something you know?
- None of my business.
- So you do know something.
Pauline, stop being childish.
No. I'm being emotional.
Why was Al doing shift work?
Ask Al.
[Cellphone rings]
What?
You never told me you
were working over there.
- Pauline.
- And sleeping rough, too.
You told me you came
back because you missed me.
Well, I did. I did miss you.
You ran out of money. What
were you spending it on?
Not now, Pauline.
[Gasps]
[Scoffs]
Oh. Is the doc in?
Yeah.
Al?
Al Large, you don't
get to hang up on me.
Wake up.
Bert, help!
Al, please. Bert!
Yes?
Martin?
Louisa.
- Are you busy?
- Uh, no.
Just thought I'd
pop by, say hello.
- Hello.
- Hello.
P.C. Penhale's roped me
into going to his party later.
It's probably gonna be terrible.
Ghastly.
So I just wondered if
you were going anyway,
or if you wanted
to meet me there.
You know, doesn't have
to be for the whole thing.
Um, yes.
Yes.
Penhale's party at
Mrs. Wilson's hotel.
I'll be there.
Oh, right.
- What?
- Nothing.
It's just I thought
you hated parties.
Uh, well, you know. It depends.
Why are you so keen
to go to this one, then?
I'm not. You just asked me to.
I did.
I'm just surprised that you're
planning on going, that's all.
So you asked me to go because
you expected me to say no?
No, I asked you because
I hoped you'd say yes.
I did say yes.
Well, it's just usually I
have to twist your arm
- to do anything.
- [Telephone rings]
I'm sorry. I have no idea
what it is you want me to say.
Excuse me.
Ellingham.
Pauline...
Uh, right. Put him in
the recovery position.
I'll be right there.
Sorry. Sorry.
I have an emergency.
I've got to...
Go. Yes, I know.
About the party...
An emergency.
Right. Sorry.
- Breath in.
- [Inhales deeply]
- Out.
- [Exhales deeply]
In.
Out.
When did you regain
consciousness?
In. Don't answer that. Pauline?
He woke up just
after I called you.
Out.
In.
Out.
How are you feeling now?
Uh, not so good, Doc.
You still awake at night
and asleep during the day?
Mm.
What?
- You been taking drugs, Al?
- No.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
What's wrong with him, Doc?
Your lymph glands
are slightly swollen.
Did you get bitten by any
insects while you were away?
Yeah.
Yeah. This one
itches like crazy.
No, don't scratch it.
Yes, that looks like tsetse fly.
Have there been any mood swings?
Have there ever.
I think it could be East
African sleeping sickness.
It's quite
interesting, actually.
The fly bites through the skin,
and the parasites are
injected into the bloodstream,
but once inside the body,
they continue to replicate
as they make their
way to the brain,
eventually invading the
whole central nervous system.
Mm.
Pauline, will you take a
blood sample, please?
Uh...
Are you sure you
know what you're doing?
I did a course.
Got a certificate
and everything.
But, Doc, if he's got this
thing, will he be all right?
Yeah. It's nasty,
but he should be fine.
You'll need a course of
injections of melarsoprol.
If that doesn't work, then he
might need to spend some time
in the Hospital for Tropical
Diseases, but I'm hopeful.
Will you hurry up, Pauline?
I have to be somewhere.
[Princess Tinkle barks]
[Squish]
[Groans]
Tinkle!
Princess Tinkle!
Where are you, baby?
[Dance music plays]
- All right, Louisa.
- All right, Joe.
[Audio feedback]
Before the fun starts,
I want you all to look at the
person standing next to you.
Statistics say that one of you
will break the law
in the next month.
So be alert.
Later on, we have a raffle.
First prize is a guided
tour of the police station.
You haven't seen
Princess Tinkle, have you?
What? Sorry.
- My dog. She's wandered off.
- No.
I mean, she's
probably out terrorizing
all the local boy dogs.
Neither one of us has ever
had any trouble making friends.
I'll bet.
Excuse me. I
must find my Tinkle.
JOAN: Help! Help, someone!
Please! Please help.
Oh, Martin.
Martin, I've been
trying to get hold of you.
Put some clothes on.
I think he's dead.
Please, please, please.
Come. Come now. Now, now.
Come on. Quick, quick.
He's in here.
There.
Hold this.
He's alive. What happened?
Uh, well, we were...
We were just...
I see.
And then he suddenly
had another fit.
But he said his EEG was fine.
It was.
How long has he
been unconscious?
Oh, I don't know.
About a minute.
I came downstairs
to get help and...
Has he been drinking
or using drugs?
Oh, Martin. We're not teenagers.
He takes pills for hay fever,
but that wouldn't do this.
Here, let me see them.
It's, uh, Vardenafil.
He takes two or three
whenever I see him.
Hasn't sneezed once.
This is a drug used to help
with erectile dysfunction.
These are 100 milligrams.
You're supposed to take one.
Excessive use can
lead to seizures.
Mr. Melville, you lied
about your medication
and endangered your life.
- You're an idiot.
- Martin!
Stick to the recommended dosage.
Or find another
way to pass the time.
Martin, just leave it.
I've explained what's going
on. Crowd's under control.
If you need a police
escort or anything...
The ambulance will be
here in a few minutes.
Right.
Just because it's
a party, though,
doesn't mean I'm off-duty.
Go back inside.
Right.
Auntie Joan...
I'm sorry about that
Oedipus remark.
That was unkind.
No.
No, I think you were
probably accurate.
Really?
Creepy.
[Footsteps approaching]
Sir, can you hear me?
Mummy? Is that you?
Thank you. Thank you.
Oh. Martin.
How's Mr. Melville?
He's fine.
Um, I didn't think
you'd want to stay.
Right. Have you
seen Mrs. Wilson?
- Oh, Martin.
- Mrs. Wilson.
I was just thinking about you.
Now, can I get you a drink?
I need to talk to you.
Um, will you excuse us?
Yes?
I've killed your dog.
What?
It was an accident.
It got under the, um, got
under the wheel of my car.
It died instantly, I think.
You're probably not aware
that, as the dog's owner,
it's your responsibility
to dispose of it
before it becomes
a health hazard.
Oh, um, we better
get some ice on that.
It's fine. It was
the other cheek.
Right.
Is that wine you're drinking?
Look, Martin,
just because somebody
has got a glass of wine,
it doesn't make
them an alcoholic,
so, you know, whatever symptoms
that you think you can see...
No, I was going to ask you
if I can get you another glass.
Oh.
Yes. Thank you.
WOMAN: Like this.
P.C. PENHALE: Settle
down, settle down.
[Audio feedback]
Settle down.
I have the results
of the raffle.
I'm just here for a minute.
Bert's looking after Al.
I want to see
who's won the raffle.
And the lucky winner
of prize number four is...
number 52.
That's me! That's me!
It was quite a
slap she gave you.
I did run over her dog.
Well, I suppose
some people might feel
that she's a little
bit, you know, um...
Narcissistic, hypochondriacal,
and extremely annoying.
Yes.
P.C. PENHALE: Number 12.
Martin, a friend of
mine is in an orchestra,
and they're doing a
charity concert next week,
and I've got two tickets, so...
- Yes.
- Yes?
If that's an invitation.
Yes, it was.
I should warn you,
they are amateurs.
Well, everyone has
to start somewhere.
Yeah.
Ow! Martin, I'm sorry.
What are you doing?
Y149ULD.
- What? That's my car.
- It's blocking the fire exit.
So I've instructed for
it to be towed away.
What?! No. No, no.
Sorry. I've got to go.
I'll see you next week
at the concert, then?
- Yes. Yes.
- Bye.
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