Doc Martin (2004–…): Season 3, Episode 5 - The Holly Bears a Prickle - full transcript

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Oh!

You're early.

Oh!

- Oh!
- Sorry, sorry.

I think we're in.

Everything all right?

Morning, Martin.
Couldn't find a vein.

Really?

The antecubital fossa
is presenting nicely.



Got any lab-request forms?

Yes, in the stationery cupboard.

Lovely day for the concert.

Yes.

Don't know what you're
supposed to wear, though.

Well, I'm sure
you'll look very nice.

Thank you.

Mm. I'll pick you up at 5:30?

Brilliant.

Are you "Mum"?

Uh, uh, Pauline's mother, yes.
- 30.

Mrs...

Lamb. Dawn Lamb.

Come through.



I never had it until
Pauline was born.

Ow. Fit as a fiddle,
I was blooming.

Now look at me.

I'm not naturally
a nervy person.

Excitable maybe,
on the go... but...

She was never easy,
I can assure you.

Quite demanding,
stubborn. Still is.

But I dare say you'd
know all about that, eh?

Well, I'm not saying
it's all her fault.

A child's a child,
needs boundaries, but...

- Oh, it can take you all...
- Be quiet.

Mrs. Lamb, you have a
mild digestive disorder.

But I see from your
notes, it is also persistent.

Uh, you've been on...

I do the relaxation exercise
that Dr. Sim gave me,

but it never seems to
get completely better.

A mystery, he called it.

That's because he
was an appalling doctor.

Pardon?

You've been on dicyclomine
for the last 15 years,

a low dose of nortriptyline
for five before that.

Do you have any symptoms at all

other than a persecution complex
and the occasional tummy twinge?

Your stomach is bloated.

Do you sometimes
experience diarrhea,

loss of appetite, nausea?

It's not really bloated.

What would you call it?

Gonna put you on
an exclusion diet.

No dairy at all.

Make an appointment
for one month's time

with the receptionist.

I'm to come back in a month.

Early morning?

I'm no worse, apparently,
thanks for asking.

Oh, good.

He didn't give me any
more drugs, though.

I hope he knows what
he's doing, Lord Muck.

Yes. 12th okay?

Your handwriting.

Looks like a spider
crawled over it.

See you later, then.

£127.50.

Yeah, but that's when
we had the crap weather.

Fish was up.

Books not balancing,
then, eh, Mick?

Well, they do if
you look at them.

But I don't know where
all the cash has gone.

Still, Mick says
we'll be all right.

Enjoying your holiday there, Al?

- Morning, Dawn.
- I'm not on holiday.

Oh, just looks like it.

He's going back to plumbing.
Applied for a grant and all.

Perfecting the tea-drinking
aspect first, though, yeah?

Him and Pauline are
just made for each other.

Here, have you got a tenner?

Look, Dawn, I'm afraid

that we're gonna have to do
our own ironing for a bit, eh?

Just until we get back on
an even keel business-wise.

Oh, dear.

This place seems
jinxed, doesn't it?

Why's that?

No one has ever made a go of it,

not in all the time
I've lived here.

Hmm. It seems perfectly normal.

Is everything all right at home?

Um... how do you mean?

Are you and your wife any
more unhappy than usual?

No, pretty much the same.

Do you have to do this?

If you want me to help you, yes.

Who normally
takes the initiative?

Is it you or Mrs. Pearce?

Pardon?

In sexual activity, generally,
one is keener than the other.

Who starts it?

W-With Mrs. Pearce?

- Who are you?
- Nicholas Elliot.

- What's your problem?
- I can't sleep.

- Can I get dressed?
- Get dressed.

Pauline.

These are Mr. Pearce's notes.

This is one of the simpler
things I ask you to do.

It's not difficult. Mr. Elliot.
Mr. Elliot's notes.

I've just...

Your minor phlebotomy duties
were meant as an addition

to your existing ones,
not a signal to abandon

your basic function
as my secretary.

- Yes, Doctor.
- What?

I've no reason to
abandon things.

Is something the matter?

No, Doctor.

I apologize. It
won't happen again.

Yes.

Louisa.

Hello, Martin.

Good evening.

Oh, thank you. You look nice.

I've not seen that
one before, have I?

Are those shoes
gonna be all right?

Yeah, I think so. Why?

It's outdoor. It could be muddy.

Going somewhere special?

- Oh, a concert.
- It's for charity.

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

- What?
- We won't.

Bye, Joe.

Very posh.

Oh, there's my aunt.

Auntie Joan.

Oh, good lord. What
are you doing out?

Hello, Louisa.

A friend of mine's
one of the players.

It should be nice, anyway.
It's a lovely evening.

And it's for charity.

- You on your own?
- Hmm?

Oh, that's very sweet
of you, but, no, dear, no.

I'm helping Annie Duff.

Oh, you just carry on.

- Annie Duff?
- No idea.

It's funny being out, isn't it?

Away from the
village. All dressed up.

Yes, it is.

I don't think I
recognize anyone here.

- Well, apart from Joan.
- Yeah.

Hello, stranger!

Finally we get to
see each other.

You don't look one day older.

And look at you!

Are you enjoying
our little band?

We're loving it.

We can't believe you're not
professionals, can we, Martin?

Martin, this is Holly. Holly...

Louisa's told me
a lot about you.

No, I haven't.

I think we share
friends in London.

Johnny Bamford asked
to be remembered to you.

Ah.

Johnny and Martin
were consultants together

at St. Thomas'.

Small world.

How long are you staying?

Oh, just the one
night. Whistle-stop tour.

Tomorrow we head off to the
Drummond-Murrays at Bude,

and then on to Haley
Court for the long weekend.

No wonder you didn't
want to stay with me.

Not at all.

It is probably
easier here, though.

I'm looking forward to seeing
your little school, though.

It sounds idyllic.

- About 1:00-ish?
- Come for lunch.

Oh, sorry, no can
do. Busy, busy, busy.

I've just got time for a cup
of coffee and that guided tour.

Well, hope you enjoy the
rest of the performance.

Lovely to meet you, Martin. Bye!

She's got really confident.

I mean, she was never
exactly shy at college,

but she's grown somehow.

I know I'm a head, too,

but Holly actually
owns half her school.

And she can play
that cello thing.

- Hello.
- Not for me, thanks.

Go on. They're
gonna be delicious.

Salmonella en croûte.

Made yesterday by unwashed
strangers. No, thank you.

Martin, you remember
Annie, don't you.

Um...

You sat next to her at my 60th.

Annie made all
the food for tonight.

Annie, this is Louisa Gla...

What happened?

Bit of a mix-up.

You being your
usual charming self?

He didn't know he knew her.

I need the lavatory.
I'll meet you outside.

It's a great concert.

Um, I better get back.

- You're very emotional, Louisa.
- Shh!

Why?

You're not obliged
to spoil it, you know.

Are you wearing perfume?

Yes.

Is it sandalwood?

No. It's Kenzo, Flower.

I wondered if it was pheromones.

Androstenone 5 has a
sort of sandalwood odor,

faintly urine-like,
if you prefer.

It's the pheromone associated

with the onset of
the menstrual cycle.

And it's often accompanied
by mood swings.

Urine-like?

It's only faint.

Am I right?

A woman doesn't have
to be getting her period

to be a bit emotional.

No.

Is something else bothering you?

Louisa?

Would you like the radio on?

I'm not bothered.

It's because I spotted
your mood swing, isn't it?

I, uh, I wasn't criticizing,
if you want to know.

I'm interested.

Mood disorders are
significantly more common

amongst women than men.

This appears to
be directly linked

to the effects of the
estrogen-progesterone balance

- as it shifts.
- I don't care.

Just thought you'd might
like to know why you're cross.

I'm not cross, Martin.

You seem cross.

It's us, Martin.

We're not going
anywhere, and we never will.

And I'm sorry, Martin.

I'm really, really sorry.

But I don't want to
see you anymore.

Goodbye.

I used to go once a
day, in the morning.

Jack used to say he
could set his watch by me.

Now if I'm lucky, it's
once in 4 or 5 days.

And they're horrid,
shriveled little things,

not like a proper jobby,
excuse my language.

It might be what I'm eating...

Are you gonna let it down?

You're fine.

- Pauline.
- Yeah?

I'm going out. Mrs.
Poostie needs a blood test.

- I'll do it.
- Warfarin.

Switch that off.

That's really stupid!

Hematology twice, one
citrate, yeah, one heparin, yeah.

Hello, Marty.

Auntie Joan.

- Hello!
- Hello.

Isn't this gorgeous?!

It was really strange.

Someone knocked at the
door, but it can't have been you.

I didn't see anybody, no.

Oh.

When will the results come back?

It's all taken care
of, Mrs. Poostie.

Off you go now.

You on lunch yet?
I got us a picnic.

Oh, that's really sweet, Al,

but there's stuff
I got to do, sorry.

Well, I don't mind
waiting if it's not too long.

You should take a
break, though, Pauline.

Right. Picnic. Lovely.

- Come on, then.
- Well, don't do me any favors.

I won't, then.

You're going to run a
restaurant for carnivores?

Where are you going
to get your vegetables?

Marty! Marty, will
you come here...

He's not gonna tell
me the price of veg.

We have a verbal contract, Bert.

What am I going to
do with all this stuff?

What's going on?

Oh, lighten up, Al.

Marty.

Oh. Bert doesn't want my
vegetables. Too expensive.

Perfectly reasonably priced,
cheaper than the market.

Fool's not gonna make any
money if he hasn't got food to serve.

- What's he gonna do, hmm?
- Yes.

Yes, what?

Sorry, uh, what did you say?

What are you so glum about?

I'm fine.

Oh. Well, what's for lunch?

Uh, I'm not actually eating.

Okay. I'll be off, then.

Things go doolally between
you and Louisa last night?

- Hmm?
- She seemed a bit fed up.

Any outing between
the two of you

is an accident
waiting to happen.

Sorry, Martin, but there it is.

Right, I'd better crack on.

Oh, Marty.

Thanks for the vegetables.

Well, I think you're brilliant

to have stuck it out
in the state sector.

How many to a class?

- 35, average.
- God, how exhausting.

Still, it is a pretty spot.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

It's just a teensy bit
claustrophobic, no?

I bet you know who lives

in every one of
those little cottages.

And that's got its upside.

What do fishermen talk about?
I'm sure it can't be just fish.

They're not all fishermen.

There's all sorts here, and
there's some wonderful people.

Really? You don't
miss London at all?

I miss college and
all that sometimes.

But that was a
hundred years ago.

£150,000.

Now, that's head's salary
plus dividends, of course.

It was really tricky at first
just filling the classrooms.

You've not had to
bother with that, of course.

You just open your
doors, and there they are...

The great unwashed with
their kiddies queuing up.

- What?
- Your accent.

- What about it?
- I don't know.

It's a lot posher than it
was in Graham Terrace.

Well, I suppose it is.

I hadn't really
thought about it.

- You've gone more yokel.
- I'm not criticizing.

Well, it happens, doesn't it?

It's who one mixes with.

I've become quite good friends

with some of the parents,
actually, which is nice.

And it also means

that there tends to be somewhere
warm to go in the holidays.

Your boyfriend's got a
bob or two, hasn't he?

I don't really know.

He's not my boyfriend.

A bit of a bust-up last night?

Yes.

Terminal?

Yep.

Oh, I'm sorry, ladies,
but lunch is stopped.

Uh, we do have some pasties.
Or there's some nice cheesecake.

Just coffee, thanks.

Would that be
cafetière or instant?

Cafetière, please, Bert.

Lou, what are you doing
in the autumn break?

- You said you had to work.
- Mm.

So, what's going on?

I've got to send Mrs.
Whatsit's test to the lab,

order more paper towels.

You know, stuff.

With you and Mick.

- Nothing.
- Oh, really?

Well, that's not what
it looked like, Pauline.

Oh, Al. You are so sweet
when you're this wrong.

He was just in the pub.

I just don't trust him,
Pauline. He's a creep, he's...

- Pauline Lamb?
- Hmm?

We've come for
the scooter, love.

You're three weeks
behind. Sorry.

Hang on.

Leave it alone.

No, no, please. I can pay.

All right.

Not right now, but
tomorrow, first thing.

Come on, mate. She said
she'd pay. She's not had a letter.

Don't do that, sir.

Whoa, whoa, Al, come
on. Leave that man alone.

Pauline, get inside.

You mind your own business.

Now, you will think about it?

I mean, seriously, we are
none of us getting any younger.

That is true.

The spare room's tiny, but
you can stay as long as you like.

Just have a sniff about.

I'm sure the comprehensives
would be gagging for you.

Take a look at Queen's
Gate, too, of course.

Not the headship, I'm
afraid. That's already gone.

We can have a little party.

See if I can rustle
up Jo and Libby.

Oh!

Not now, Al. I'll deal with it.

She paid cash for that scooter,
money from her scratch card.

Obviously not.

I just want to make
sure she's all right.

She isn't, and you can't fix
it. You can see her after work.

- But...
- Goodbye, Al.

Right.

Mr. Knight.

Armstrong.

Wait in there.

Pauline, do you have
a gambling problem?

I never win anymore.

Are you addicted?

Are you in control
of your betting,

or is your betting
in control of you?

Surgery.

Where?

Don't touch her.

Pauline, cancel all my
appointments and wait there.

Didn't take long, did he?

- What's her name?
- Holly.

Holly. What happened?

I was climbing down that thing.

And then she jumped
and sort of slipped.

Where does it hurt? Don't point!

Base of my spine.

Do you have a
history of back trouble?

Nothing this bad.

- Can you get up?
- No.

Right. Where are you staying?

I've got to be in Bude
by 5:00 for rehearsal.

- Not today.
- Well, I don't have any choice.

Up you get, then.

You can stay at my place.

We need a board to carry her on.

Got anything, then, Bob?

Needs a door or something.

- What does?
- To carry her on.

Ah, ah.

Not many doors on a beach.

If it was driftwood.

Maybe.

This all right, Doc?

Yes, yes. Just, uh, uh,
put it down beside her.

All right.

All right, now on my count.

One, two, three.

Owwww! Oww!

All right.

Steady, then, boys.

Steady, steady. There we go.

- Right, lower her.
- Lower away.

Level, stand back there
now. All right, Holly?

Ow!

Is upstairs all right?

Anywhere near a lavatory.

Steady, steady.

Actually, let me go first.

You all right, missus?

We'll have you
there in two seconds.

The banister.

Wait, 'round the corner.

Ow!

Sorry. Sorry, love.

What I find is, if you're
careful in the morning...

Shaving, doing
your teeth and so...

You'll be right for
the rest of the day.

Mind her elbows on the door.

Do you stretch?

No, never stretch.
Don't force it.

Just be careful
that first half-hour.

Get her head 'round, boys.

'Cause once it's
gone, it's gone.

And then all you can do is wait.

Let the body heal itself.
Isn't that right, Doc?

Yes, it is. All
right, on my count.

One, two, three.

Owww!

Thank you, gentlemen.

Any numbness or
tingling in your legs?

Um, this one a little.

You may have ruptured a disk.

Anti-inflammatories.
Two every four hours.

If that doesn't do it,
I'll consider an epidural.

Don't worry. When it's calmed
down, he'll have a proper look.

Yes, all right, thank you.

What have you got for the pain?

Uh, paracetamol and codeine.

Mrs. Tishell will have some

- if you don't.
- Yep.

Call Pauline if it
gets much worse.

Otherwise I'll call in in
the morning before surgery.

Will I be okay to
drive tomorrow?

No. You'll be here for a while.

Unless you can't
make it to the lavatory,

in which case you'll
be hospitalized.

- Louisa.
- Bye-bye.

I'll just go fetch some water.

It's quite serious, then, if
you're coming back tomorrow.

I ought to keep an eye on her.

Call if you need to.

Oh, God.

Good evening.

- You had your supper?
- Uh, yes, I have, actually.

Liar.

So, are you still down
in the dumps, then?

What do you want, Auntie Joan?

Well, I didn't want you to
go on moping for too long,

so I decided to speed
the process up a bit.

Oh, goody.

There's no point
fretting, Martin.

Chalk and cheese,
the pair of you.

She was never going
to make you happy.

Observe and move on.

Jolly good. I'm not
hungry, you know.

Shh, shh.

Mm.

Why do you say that?

- Say what?
- That we're "chalk and cheese."

There's nothing you
can do about it, Marty.

Oh, thanks, Auntie
Joan. That's really helpful.

She likes people.

Are you saying that I don't?

I'm not criticizing you, Marty.

You are... Well, you're you.

If by that you mean
that I say what I think,

that I don't have
a predisposition

toward the convenient lie,
then, yes, guilty as charged.

So, what does one have to do

to achieve a blissful
personal life like you?

I notice you live alone.

Thank you, Marty.

We are what we
are. We can't change.

- Nonsense. Of course we can.
- No, we can't.

Can. Well, maybe you
couldn't, but I could.

What?

Talk rubbish and smile all
the time, if there was any point.

But there isn't, so I
don't. It's quite simple.

Morning, Doctor.
Off to do the epidural?

Bobby Skinner carried
her up from the harbor.

I do his ironing.

How's the non-lactose diet
coming along, Mrs. Lamb?

What?

Doing without milk. Are
you managing well enough?

I do my best.

I'm sure you do.

Good.

- Morning, Dawn.
- Oh.

What's happened?

Ooh, take my weight.
Ooh, I need to pee.

Under the arm.

Ooh, down. My hands, at least.

Forward, forward,
forward, forward, forward...

Oh, God.

- Did you sleep all right?
- Like a baby.

How do you think I slept?!

Aah!

Every time I moved,
I woke up in agony.

- Sorry.
- Aah!

What time's
Dr. Delight getting here

with the drugs?

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

Thank you. How's the
patient this morning?

I don't know how much
she's exaggerating.

But she's complaining
a hell of a lot,

and I can't seem
to do anything right.

Oh, well, she must
be in a lot of pain.

Good morning, Holly.

Hi.

Did you get a
good night's sleep?

No, I bloody didn't.

Oh, dear.

Um, well, let's have a little,
uh, look at you, shall we?

Uh, can you lie on your tummy?

- Would you like some assistance?
- No, I'll do it.

Ow!

- Careful, Louisa.
- Sorry.

That's it. Now, can you
get on your front for me?

Don't hurry.

In your own time.

Brave girl.

Um, what are you doing?

What?

- You're being weird with Holly.
- I'm not being weird.

Yes, you are.

You're being
all... All... smarmy.

I'm not being smarmy. I'm
helping your horrid friend.

What do you want me to do?

- Pillow!
- Yeah.

Okay.

I'm gonna inject cortisone
direct to the affected area.

Should make you
more comfortable.

So why didn't you give
it to me yesterday, then?

Because yesterday
if I'd masked the pain,

you'd have done something
stupid before the trauma stabilized.

Um...

the swelling needs
time to subside.

Now, where does it hurt?

There.

- Owww! Yeah, yes.
- There.

- Ooh.
- There you go.

Will I be all right to
drive this afternoon?

Uh, no, no. The tissue
still needs time to heal.

- Well, how much time?
- Two or three days, probably.

- Oh, God.
- God.

Right. Finished.

Martin.

Okay. So, what
was wrong with that?

With what?

When I was being congenial.
Why do you always find fault?

- Me?
- Yes, you.

I don't think you
know what you want.

- Was that for me?
- Well...

There's no good
acting nice, Martin.

You've got to want to.

Why?!

Mum?

How could you,
Pauline? How could you?

- What's that, then?
- My credit card.

£1,295.50.

Vanished to Vegas Golden Nugget.

Not just a scrubber.
You are a thief, as well.

She has always
been disappointing,

but this goes too far.

This is criminal.

This is stealing
from her own mother.

I'm an addict.

It's not my fault. I'm
addicted, aren't I, Doc?

You're a criminal,
that's what you are.

An ordinary, lowdown,
common or garden dirty little thief

- that steals from her own...
- She's ill, you horrible woman!

How dare you?!

She is not ill. She is weak.

She should be locked up,
and throw away the key.

Mrs. Lamb, you're
an ignorant person,

so I'll try and
keep this simple.

Your daughter
doesn't want to gamble.

She derives no
pleasure from gambling.

She's not in control.
It is in control of her.

It is an illness, and for
you to call it a weakness

is unkind and unhelpful.

Furthermore I can tell
you, she's likely to have

a genetic predisposition
towards addiction,

- which she has a 50% chance...
- Five bananas! Five bananas!

- What?
- Oh, my God.

How much? How much?

Mrs. Lamb! Get out!

Pauline, call Gamblers
Anonymous immediately,

or you don't work here anymore.

And switch that off.

They didn't have any sun-dried,
so I bought some fresh.

- Coffee?
- Holly.

It's all right. I'm
being careful.

You should be lying down.

How long for? A week?

I'm afraid my schedule
can't quite accommodate that.

Bloody doctors.

Just give me the
drugs. I'll do the rest.

He knows his stuff.

If he says you
shouldn't get up, then...

He's just covering his arse.

I'm not going to do
anything stupid, am I?

Aah! Aaah!

Yeah, but if they're
addicts, how can that help?

Yeah, all right. All right.

I'll give it a go. See
you on Thursday.

- For the scooter.
- Oh, Al.

It's my plumbing grant, that.

Oh, that's really sweet, Al.

Well, it was horrible,
them coming like that.

Like you'd stolen
it or something.

Pay me back, Pauline.

- What's that money?
- Al gave it me.

- Yeah, just a lend, Doc.
- Give it back.

Uh, oh...

Phone.

Portwenn Surgery.

Yeah.

Oh. Miss Glasson.

Louisa?

Has she got a pulse?

Is she breathing?

Don't touch her.
I'll be right there.

- What did she cut herself on?
- A bottle.

It was a milk bottle.

- Polly.
- Holly.

Open your eyes, Holly.

Martin.

Holly.

Where are we?

We need to, um...
check the bleeding.

Let's get her on her side.
But very careful with her back.

It's all right.

Holly, which hurts worst?
The usual place or here?

Usual place! Usual place!

You cut the shirt.

- Is that okay?
- Yes, up to the glass.

All right, this will
help the pain a lot.

Good.

Right.

Right.

Do you want me to do it?

That hurt, Holly?

Yes, a bit.

Polly?

What's happened?

God.

She's morphine-intolerant.

The injection?

It'll be okay.

Right.

Um, in my bag, top left-hand
corner, there's a glass vial.

- Nalorphine.
- Nalorphine.

This?

Right, can you do this?

No, I'd rather fill
a syringe instead.

Uh... okay. Take the top off
and insert that and draw it up.

- Other way up.
- Other way up.

Aah!

Have you got another one?

Open her shirt.

Okay.

Right, don't touch her.

- What's that?
- Adrenalin.

Bear in mind that she's
morphine-intolerant.

I'll help you up.

That was brilliant.

I'll get my bag.

It's all right.
I'll do that later.

I'll be off, then.

You're an extraordinary
man, Martin.

No, I'm not.

Marry me.

What was that?

Please, Louisa.

I can't bear to be without you.

Will you marry me?

Yes.

Yes, Martin. I will.

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