Doc Martin (2004–…): Season 3, Episode 3 - City Slickers - full transcript
Martin and Louisa are still trying to develop something of relationship, but their plan for dinner is again disrupted this time by Louisa's quirky new neighbors. Martin is particularly perturbed by their approach to child rearing especially when he learns that the child has been vandalizing cars. Martin also learns that in addition to being narcoleptic, Constable Joe Penhale is also agoraphobic. He feels he has no choice but to report him but aunt Joan reminds Martin that many individuals have phobias but are still able to work in their chosen profession.
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[Coughs]
Don't scratch it.
You'll make it worse.
Sorry, Doctor.
This cream will help
you. Betamethasone.
Apply it to your
eczema twice a day.
- Are you sure it's eczema?
- Yes.
Never had it before.
You said you were moving house.
I moved a couple of days ago.
Right, well, moving
house is very stressful,
and the stress will
have triggered a reaction.
[Coughs]
- You're coughing a lot.
- Just got rid of a cold.
Right. Any other problems?
I've lost my cat.
That's not a medical
problem, is it?
- Hmm. I'm very tired.
- Right.
- I can't sleep without him.
- All right, come on.
He's called Tom-Tom.
You know, I wonder if
he's been kidnapped.
You read about people stealing
cats for scientific experiments.
- I don't.
- [Tapping]
Pauline, what are you doing?
Putting up my certificate.
What is it, dear?
I'm a qualified phlebotomist.
Well done. Oh, that is good.
Have you any idea
what a phlebotomist is?
No, but if you can get a
certificate for being one,
it must be important.
I'm in charge of the
blood in this surgery.
Anyone needs to give
a sample, it'll be me
sticking in the needle and
sucking out the plasma.
Oh, why don't you
tell me all about it
while we have a cup of tea?
There's no need. She's
already told you about it.
[Coughs]
That doesn't sound like
the end of a cold to me.
Got some lozenges somewhere.
[Coughs]
Are you a smoker?
Not really. I don't inhale.
Then you won't miss it so
much when you give it up,
will you, Mrs. Averill?
Put those in there.
Don't have many
pleasures left in life.
You won't have much life left
unless you stop being so stupid.
Thank you.
What about that tea now?
Oh, I actually finished
10 minutes ago.
[Sighs]
I'll go home, then.
And have a smoke on me own.
[Coughs]
[Meows]
- Hi, Martin. Come in.
- Thank you.
I thought we'd eat outside.
Really?
Don't you want to?
No, no, no. If you do...
Would you like some wine?
No, thank you. I don't drink.
Really, not even on
special occasions?
Is this a special occasion?
LOUISA: Well, maybe
"special" is the wrong word,
but it's not exactly something
we do every day, is it?
Well, I certainly can't
remember the last time
I ate a meal in
someone's back garden.
It's not that unusual, Martin.
People have
barbecues all the time.
Oh, I see.
Hot dogs and hamburgers.
That what we're having?
No.
MAN: Down here a bit.
Uh, you've got new neighbors?
LOUISA: Yes. Do
you know Mrs. Averill?
Uh, yes, yes. She was
in my surgery today.
Really? Well, she
used to live there.
But her husband died
a couple of months ago,
and she couldn't bear
to stay without him.
So she sold it to this
family from London,
and she's bought a smaller
place now up by the, uh...
up by the... the whatsit.
I'll just go and
fetch the starters.
- Can help you with anything?
- No, it's fine. I can manage.
Did you see the
dolphins this afternoon?
There was two of them,
just outside the harbor.
I've been busy
with patients all day.
Oh, that's a pity.
So, you didn't see them, then?
No.
Louisa.
Yeah?
You look very...
busy.
Thank you.
[Knock on door]
Not expecting anyone, are you?
No. Only you.
I'll get rid of them.
Louise. Hello.
It's "Louisa," actually.
That's what I said.
- Sorry, you're...
- Anthony.
And Terri.
We just moved in next door.
Of course. And
it's Sam, isn't it?
And you start at my
school tomorrow, don't you?
You looking forward to that?
ANTHONY: Thought
we'd just say hi.
- TERRI: Hi.
- Hi.
ANTHONY: And ask a huge favor.
Our kitchen's full of boxes,
and they're piled
on top of each other.
And we're just desperate
to open this bottle of wine.
But we can't find a corkscrew.
So we wondered if
we could borrow yours.
Please?
Sure. Yes, come in.
ANTHONY: Seven-hour
journey certainly works up a thirst.
Hey, could you pick that up,
take it outside, put in a bin?
You can have it later, Sam.
Oh, two and a half hours on
the M4, three hours on the M5.
That's before we'd
even got to Taunton.
Oh, dear, how awful.
Martin, these are the people
that have moved
in to Mrs. Averill's.
Anthony, Terri, and
Sam, this is Martin,
Dr. Martin Ellingham,
the local GP.
Yes.
Uh, can I grab this?
Absolutely gasping.
You can only just see
the harbor from here.
Aren't we lucky, Sam?
We can see the sea!
I'm senior lecturer in the
Department of Applied Psychology
at the University
of North Cornwall.
- Right.
- Oh. [Chuckles]
Yeah, it sounds pretty
grand, but, uh, well,
it's certainly is a bit of a
step up from my last job,
a research fellow at the
University of Brentford.
But, I mean, it's
"publish or die"
in the world of academia.
So I won't be resting
on my laurels just yet.
Hmm, very sensible.
Yeah. You're not from
around here, are you, Martin?
- No.
- No. London?
- Yes.
- Mm.
What brings you to Cornwall?
I have to see Louisa.
TERRI: I managed to find
some sheets and duvets,
but there's no way we're gonna
unpack all the boxes tonight.
Don't suppose we could
use some of your plates?
That's fine. Plates,
glasses. Help yourself.
What if we got some food
and brought it back here?
- Here?
- Well, our house is a mess.
Couldn't we join
you on the terrace?
You could.
Louisa thinks we
should all eat together.
- Fish and chips okay?
- Ah, yes.
Sounds like a great idea.
What do you fancy, Sam?
I'm not hungry.
TERRI: He's never
hungry these days.
Do you think we should
give him some alfalfa?
Hey, don't do that. You're
gonna burn yourself.
Oh, he'll be fine. Um,
how about some scampi?
I said I'm not hungry!
I'll get you a sausage. Terri?
Sea bass. Or haddock.
You've just broken my bowl.
Aren't you gonna say something?
Oh, oh, we don't
like to draw attention
to the consequence
of Sam's actions,
not unless there's some
sort of development potential.
Mainstream parenting's
not really our thing.
But my bowl's in lots of pieces.
Well, I'll buy you a new one.
Or I could stick
it back together.
I'm worried that we're
sort of making this
a child-centric moment.
"Child-centric"?
Yeah, we're focusing too
much on what he's just done.
Oh, I'll fetch the food.
TERRI: May.
No. April.
Half-term, anyway.
Mrs. Averill was doing
her B&B back then.
We just fell in
love with Portwenn.
And when we heard
Mr. Averill had popped his clogs,
we couldn't believe our luck.
Being such a small village, I
expect you knew him pretty well?
No, I only met him once.
To confirm that he was dead.
He was.
[Coughs]
Is the old lady alive?
Mrs. Averill? Yeah, she's fine.
She's evil.
And she smelled like
she'd pissed herself.
- I'll be off, then.
- What do you mean?
Um, I've got to do that
thing that I mentioned.
- What thing?
- Uh, didn't I mention it?
Uh, anyway, I'll see myself out.
- You're not going, are you?
- Uh, yes, I am.
Oh, that's a shame. I thought
we could have a bit of a chat.
You know, I find you
absolutely fascinating.
Chip?
No, thank you.
Are you coming out?
Hello?
You all right?
Yeah, yeah, I know.
If you're ill, you're ill.
Give me a ring when
you're feeling better,
and we'll fix you a
new appointment.
Okay. Bye.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Anthony Oakwood. Just moved
into the cottage up on the hill.
That you bought off
Mrs. Averill for £220,000.
Mr. Huntley, the estate agent,
was celebrating in the pub.
Yeah, he bought
everyone a drink.
Right.
Can I see the doctor?
This week, if possible.
You can see him right now.
Oh, don't have waiting
lists in Cornwall?
Normally, yes, but
Mr. Hill just cancelled.
Oh, lucky me.
PAULINE: If you say so.
Martin, good day. How you doing?
Next patient.
Come through.
ANTHONY: Sorry you had
to leave so early last night.
We had a very good time.
Well, until Louisa got
one of her migraines.
She doesn't get migraines.
Really? Well,
she did last night.
What's your problem?
Um, I've come to register.
- Are you ill?
- No, fit as a fiddle,
but I'll just be too busy to
do this when term starts.
At Bude Polytechnic?
University of North Cornwall.
A very exciting psychology
department there.
You ever spoken to any
of my colleagues there?
No.
You ever spoken
to a psychologist?
What about?
Interesting story.
About a year ago,
I was supposed to be writing
an article for "U.K. Psychologist,"
but I was blocked.
I went out to dinner
with some friends.
A bloke there didn't say a
word all night, just sat there
watching us joking,
laughing, getting pissed.
Turns out this bloke was
a very successful lawyer.
A very successful lawyer
with Asperger's syndrome.
You know what
Asperger's is, right?
Yes, of course I do.
Bad communication
skills, no sense of humor,
doesn't make friends.
Can you fill in
this form, please,
starting with your full
name and date of birth?
The bloke gave me
an idea for my article.
Can people with Asperger's
have normal careers?
Answer... yes.
Title... "You Don't Have
to Be Mad to Work Here."
The thing is, Martin, I think
that there's a book in this.
Now, I'm always on the lookout
for people with Asperger's
doing difficult jobs,
doing them very well.
Marie Curie showed symptoms.
So did Thomas Jefferson.
So I'm not saying
you're in bad company.
I beg your pardon?
I mean, I can't
be sure about you
until we've had a
proper conversation.
Full name and date of birth.
Don't you want to talk to me?
I want your full name and
date of birth on that form.
Tell you what.
I shall fill this in outside,
and then we'll have
a little chin-wag
when you're less stressed.
I don't have little
"chin-wags," Mr. Oakwood.
It's Dr. Oakwood. Um, I do
have a PhD in psychology.
Oh, we're both doctors.
But only one of us has a
waiting room full of patients.
- Is he always like that?
- PAULINE: Like what?
Rude, off-hand, dismissive.
Is he always like that?
- [Door opens]
- Like what?
- Uh, Miss Glasson rang.
- And?
There's a pupil at school
she's not happy about.
- Can you go and see him?
- Why? What happened?
Let me see.
She didn't say.
Find out.
Miss Chubbard.
- Oh, Martin!
- Hello.
Martin, look here.
DOC MARTIN: You've
scratched your truck.
No. Someone else
has scratched my truck.
Or you probably drove
too close to the hedge.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
I-I've been keyed.
If you say so. I have
a sick child to see.
- Oh, don't let me stop you.
- I won't.
LOUISA: He collapsed
in the dinner queue,
and he felt very hot.
[Beep]
Mm, he's still very hot.
What about the
rash? Is it measles?
Oh, my God.
There really is
nothing to worry about.
Then why did you
call the doctor?
- The boy passed out.
- "The boy" has got a name.
Elliot passed out, Mr. Clyde,
then I saw he had this rash
- on his face.
- Oh, my God!
DOC MARTIN: It's
nothing to get excited about.
Well, I'm sorry if
we're making a fuss.
I was worried it
might be measles.
It's not measles.
It's slapped cheek.
Someone hit my son?
I hope you found
the boy who did this.
It wasn't a boy.
He was hit by a girl?
He wasn't hit
by a girl or a boy.
But if someone
slapped his cheeks...
You're not accusing me?
Erythema infectiosum.
And what's that
supposed to mean?
That is the name
of the infection
from which your
child is suffering.
- It's very common.
- Common?
No, no. He's not saying that
you're common, Mr. Clyde.
Slapped cheek syndrome
is very easy to catch
and pass on through
the air or saliva.
Now what are you saying?
Someone spat at Elliot?
Spitting's a possibility, yes,
or somebody might have
kissed him or licked him.
What kind of school
are you running here?
I'm sure nothing
inappropriate's occurred.
Oh, you're sure, are you?
Well, I'm sure that every
week my little boy comes home
with another cold or head lice
or he's throwing
up all over the bed.
Can we take him away
now, Miss Glasson?
I think that's a very good idea.
- All right, come on.
- Come on.
JOAN: My truck's just outside.
Don't you want to take a look?
Well, of course I do.
It's just I'm... tucked
up at the moment.
"Tucked up"?
It's an expression we
use in the business.
Means I'm dealing with something
else and can't be reassigned.
What exactly are
you dealing with?
[Sighs]
I wish I could tell
you, Mrs. Norton,
but it might infringe the
human rights of the suspect.
Well, what about
my human rights?
I've got a damaged vehicle.
I promise you, as soon I can,
I will be right there
to report the crime.
And catch the criminal?
That could happen.
Did you get home
okay last night?
Yes, I did.
And you slept well, did you?
You didn't lie
there, feeling guilty?
What do you mean?
LOUISA: Sam.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
Why aren't you wearing uniform?
Dad said I didn't have
to if I didn't want to.
I'm afraid he's wrong. You know
where your lesson's gonna be?
- Yeah.
- Well, off you go, then.
Thanks for looking at Elliot.
I thought we might have had a
measles epidemic on our hands.
There's not much chance of that.
Almost all the children I've
seen have been jabbed for MMR.
There's only two or three
mothers left in the village
who haven't seen reason.
Maybe they're scared.
Nothing to be scared of.
Well, there's autism.
No, there isn't.
Martin, a friend of mine
took her son to the doctor.
He was nearly 2,
perfectly healthy.
They gave him the jab,
and he changed overnight.
Just shut down completely.
Oh, because of the MMR vaccine?
That's what she thinks.
Is she very stupid?
Look, it stands to
reason that giving a child
three viruses at the same time
must increase their chance
of some kind of reaction.
"It stands to reason"?
Martin, I have read
about the studies
linking MMR to bowel disease.
Well, there was one so-called
study, but that's been refuted
by people who actually know
what they're talking about.
And the hysteria
that stopped people giving
their children the MMR vaccine
has actually caused an
increase in cases of measles,
which is a horrible disease.
Thank you, Doctor.
BERT: We've got to
concentrate on our brand image.
Now, when we get
to the Cash & Carry,
with the mineral water,
then we slap the labels on
it with the restaurant logo.
Now, that, you see, that
is called "unified branding."
It reminds the customers
where they're eating
so they want to
come back again, eh?
You see, a quality logo
will give you a quality venue.
Oh, no. How's that
for quality, then?
What? Oh...
Bloody vandals.
MRS. AVERILL: So, is it going
okay with the "phlebiology"?
Fine, thank you.
[Coughs] Oh, dear.
It's always worse
when me throat's dry.
How about a cup of tea?
I'm fine, thank you.
Pauline...
Oh, I've still got
me rash, Doctor.
Yes, of course you have.
I told you.
Come back in a week if
the cream wasn't working.
A week.
- Who's the next patient?
- Mr. Sanders!
DOC MARTIN:
Mr. Sanders, come through.
BERT: As soon as
I saw the damage,
I phoned the insurance
people, and they told me
that you need to give me a
"crime reference" or something.
Yeah, that's what I want.
BERT: Excuse
me. I was here first.
Well, I was here yesterday.
I've got punters to feed,
and the van's parked outside.
Sorry, but I can't do
a thing until tomorrow.
Why?
Because.
You all right?
Of course I am. There's
just a lot on my plate.
There's no time for this.
- He looks a bit twitchy to me.
- No, I'm not.
You leave the premises. Now.
Sit there.
Mr. Sanders needs a
fluoride and two EDTA.
I'll bet you a tenner
this one's anemic.
Oh, don't.
Why are you still here?
Oh, well, I'll go outside, then.
For a smoke!
[Coughs]
That will be one
gray and two pinks.
Oh, don't forget you've got
your house call at Mrs. Friends'!
I know!
Enjoy your polynuclear
aromatic hydrocarbons.
Just don't come running
to me when you die.
Auntie Joan.
[Car door opens]
Oh, God. Look at my car!
Oh, dear. Been driving
too near the hedge?
That's not funny. I'm gonna
report this to PC Penhale.
I wouldn't bother.
Criminal damage
is still a crime.
Hence the expression
"criminal damage."
Well, I tried to get him
interested in my truck.
But he refused to
leave the station. Twice.
What do you mean, he refused?
Well, he was a bit odd.
- He is a bit odd.
- More than usually odd.
No, honestly, Martin, I think
you should take a look at him.
[Knock on door]
DOC MARTIN: Penhale!
[Knocking continues]
Penhale! Open the door.
How are you feeling today?
Fine, thanks, Doctor. Yourself?
I'm fine.
My car isn't.
Somebody's vandalized it.
I'd love to help, but
I'm up to my ears.
Rubbish. Come and have a look.
Here it is. All down the side.
You upset anyone recently?
What's the matter
with you, Penhale?
I'll be all right. In a minute.
Do you have a problem
leaving this building?
No. I just can't do it.
Has it happened before?
Well, bad days now and
again. It's nothing to worry about.
I think having an
agoraphobic policeman
is something to worry about.
I'm not agoraphobic.
Come outside, then.
You might have told me
when I was dealing
with your narcolepsy
that you also suffer
from agoraphobia.
I didn't want anyone to know.
Did you suffer from this before
you got kicked in the head
- by the horse?
- No.
You said your behavior changed,
and that's why your wife left.
After she went is when
I had my first funny turn.
I was down in Looe.
Plainclothes surveillance.
I'd got eyeball on a
suspect. Male, I.C. 1, 5'11".
But that's not important now.
Anyway, the suspect
went across this bridge.
I was supposed to
follow, but I couldn't.
I just couldn't
get on the bridge.
I couldn't stay where I was.
Had to get back to the van,
lock all the doors, and
wait till I stopped shaking.
Most days, I'm fine.
I don't think that's
good enough.
God knows there isn't enough
for you to do in this village.
But on the rare occasion...
Like when somebody has their
car vandalized, for instance...
It would be nice to think
that we had a policeman
who could at least
leave the police station
and go and deal with it.
You need to tell your superiors
that you're not well enough
- to work here.
- No. The job's all I got.
You can't do the job.
Yes, I can. I just
need some help.
I suppose I could
refer you to a therapist.
You'd have to stop work, though,
until you got a
clean bill of health.
How long's that gonna take?
I don't know. Weeks,
maybe months.
[Sighs]
[Scraping]
[Tires screech]
You nasty little boy.
You stay right
there. Stay there!
Come back!
Come back!
WOMAN: Tosser!
DOC MARTIN: Come back!
Are you chasing Sam?
Yes!
That's a badger!
It was dead when I
found it. Over there.
Why did you put it on a bonfire?
It's not a bonfire.
It's a funeral pyre.
I thought it might be nice
to give Mr. Brock a
traditional Hindu send-off.
You can't just burn a
badger in your garden!
It a health hazard! Put it out!
I don't want to.
His spirit hasn't been released.
What's going on?
- They're burning a badger.
- It absolutely stinks!
I don't feel very well.
You're not going anywhere.
I just caught your son
vandalizing cars in the village,
having previously had a
go at mine this morning.
Okay, when you
say "vandalizing..."
Scraping a key along the side.
Oh, I wish he wouldn't do that.
- What, he's done it before?
- Yeah, it's no big deal.
Well, excuse me if I
sound a little "car-centric,"
but I think it is a big deal.
ANTHONY: Well, you
have insurance, don't you?
That's not the point!
Your son is a delinquent,
and I want to know what
you plan to do about it!
Well, in front of you,
nothing. Go to bed, Sam.
Right, you'll be hearing from
PC Penhale or a police officer.
There's no need to
get the police involved.
I'll just have a quiet word
with Sam and explain to him
that some people
get a little bit precious
about their possessions.
Sorry, but I don't think that
Martin's being "precious."
Sam needs to
learn the difference
between right and wrong.
Oh, that's a little bit of a
gray area, though, isn't it?
No, it isn't.
Of course it isn't. You
are the boy's parents.
It's your duty to teach him
what he can and can't do.
Absolutely, and I
get the impression
that you just let Sam
do whatever he wants.
Oh, well, I think
it's our business
how we bring up Sam,
isn't it, Miss Glasson?
No, no. Not when his
behavior affects other people.
Yes, and if you can't
do anything about it,
let’s see what a magistrate
and an ASBO can.
Oh, just stop it!
You've ruined the moment.
Ohh. [Coughs]
Unbelievable.
- Ohh!
- [Cat yelps]
- All right?
- Yes, thank you. I'm fine.
I hate cats.
Me too.
Mrs. Averill's cat.
Doesn't know it's moved.
Nasty little thing.
Badgers, cats, dogs.
This village is
like a petting zoo.
Oh, well, uh [sniffs]
I need to change.
Yeah, me too. I stink.
Yes. Goodbye.
Oh, Marty. Marty, did
you get to see Penha...
Oh, what on earth is that smell?
It's me.
- Have you trodden in something?
- No, I haven't.
A madwoman doused a
bonfire with a badger on it.
- A dead badger?
- Yes.
Oh, must have escaped
the culling. [Chuckles]
Now, then, where
are my car keys?
Not that culling does any
good. It just spreads it further.
I mean, which came first,
the badger with TB
or the cow with TB?
And, I mean, what
about horses and foxes?
I mean, they don't get
it, but they spread it.
And...
Marty!
[Sighs]
Oh, God.
Are you going to
put the kettle on?
PAULINE: Maybe later.
[Coughs]
Is the doctor free this morning?
No, afraid not.
Never mind.
I can wait.
[Water running]
DOC MARTIN: Morning.
Sorry to bother
you so early, Marty,
but I need some more of my
hormone-replacement tablets.
I'll write you a prescription.
- Would you like an espresso?
- Oh, do you have any instant?
[Chuckles] I'd love an espresso.
Did you speak to Penhale?
Yes, I did. The man's
a complete cupcake.
Meaning?
I'm sorry. I can't discuss
my patients with you.
Well, isn't he agoraphobic?
Amongst other things, yes.
I'm going to speak to the
district chief superintendent
and have him replaced.
- You're going to grass him up?
- I'm not grassing him up.
The man's a public servant,
and he's unfit for purpose.
Yes, yes, well,
you're probably right.
I just wonder whether
it wouldn't be kinder
to treat him rather
than simply report him.
He has a phobia, as
do many people, Marty.
But some of them
carry on working.
No one seems to mind.
I've read the instructions,
I've followed the instructions,
I applied the cream
exactly as it said,
but has it made any difference?
No, it hasn't made
any difference at all,
and I thought he'd want to know.
Sorry? Who'd want to know what?
The doctor. He'd want to
know the cream isn't working.
It hasn't been a week yet.
Oh, well, he'd still want
to check on my progress.
[Exhales deeply]
Oh, and then there's
Tom-Tom, my cat.
Still missing.
I've thought of
putting up a poster,
- with a picture.
- Right.
But I can't find my albums.
I haven't opened those boxes
yet [coughs] from the move.
All that dust... [Coughs]
I couldn't sleep at all last
night, tossing and turning.
The thing is, he'll ask if
you've stopped smoking...
- I don't believe this.
- What?
I've won £320.
[Gasps, coughs]
£320.
[Coughing violently]
What's that? Oh, ugh! Ugh!
What's going on?
Mrs. Averill's been
coughing up blood.
Ohh.
Um... right.
Breathe in.
Out.
Could it be something bad?
It could be lung cancer.
Pauline.
Why are smokers always
surprised when they're ill?
Why do they think they're
gonna be the lucky ones
who live to be 100?
Did you think
you'd make it to 70?
I'm 75.
80?
My mother smoked a
pipe until she was 93.
And then she died?
No. She lost her pipe.
Pauline, I'm about
to ask Mrs. Averill
to give me a sputum sample.
I need you to get
it to Truro ASAP,
flagged up for
immediate analysis.
Spit.
[Coughs]
- [Knock on door]
- Yes?
Oh, it's you.
Hi back.
I've come to say...
it's not Sam's fault.
No. I blame the parents.
No, I mean, he hasn't
actually done anything wrong.
Well, I can think of a number
of car owners in the village
who would disagree with you.
This oppositional posturing
is just Sam's way
of setting boundaries.
He's a robust refuser who's
trying to communicate his needs
as he goes through a
difficult transition phase.
It's important we all avoid
unrealistic expectations.
There's nothing unrealistic
in expecting him
not to scratch my car.
Anthony explains this
much better than me.
- He's got lots of theories.
- I bet he has.
Sam's at such a special
stage in his development.
Please don't label him a
criminal by telling the police.
You have told them, haven't you?
Are you Joe Pindale?
It's PC Joseph Penhale.
I'm Terri Oakwood.
Oh. I've heard about you.
And about my son, I
suppose? That is so unfair.
He only scratches
cars to get a reaction.
But if that reaction is just
a knee-jerk condemnation,
you can hardly
expect him to stop.
So, your son's the one who's
been scratching the cars?
According to Dr. Ellingham.
Isn't that what
Dr. Ellingham told you?
Someone else told me
you've been burning badgers.
Can I have your son's full
name and date of birth, please?
PAULINE: Do any of the
scooters come in pink?
When you say "cherry
red," how pink is that? Mm.
- Next patient, please.
- Hang on a sec.
I'm gonna buy a
scooter with my winnings.
Do you think pink is a
good idea or is a bit too...
Mrs. Brown.
Doctor, have you got
me test results yet?
Yes, they came an hour ago. I
thought I'd keep them to myself.
- Really?
- No. Of course not.
When they come
in, I will call you.
- [Door closes]
- Doctor.
I came on foot.
- Congratulations.
- Have you got five minutes?
Yes, when I've seen Mrs.
Brown and my other patients.
They won't mind.
Police business.
Okay?
I was just wondering if you
told anyone at headquarters
about my problems?
Not yet.
And there's nothing I can
do to change your mind
about me having to not
work while I have the therapy?
I'm not trying to bribe
you. That wouldn't help.
Would it?
What you doing?
I was just gonna ask Pauline...
There's no need to involve
anyone else at this stage.
I didn't actually
offer you money.
I don't have your patient
notes. I was gonna get them.
Sorry.
It's just... this
policing business.
[Inhales deeply] It's my life.
Did you ever think about a
vocation for yourself, Doctor?
Yes. I wanted to be a doctor.
Where did it all go wrong, eh?
It didn't.
Well, not for you,
maybe, but for me.
All I want right now is to be
the best policeman in Portwenn.
You're the only
policeman in Portwenn.
You're just saying that.
The question I have to ask is,
can you carry on doing your
job whilst undergoing treatment?
Absolutely.
And you're aware of the effects
of cognitive-behavior therapy?
I don't know what it is.
Right,
but you're still sure that you
could carry out your duties
- whilst in the thick of it.
- Yes.
Huh. Well, you're either
very confident or stupid.
Well, we both know
I'm not stupid. [Chuckles]
Thank you very much, sir.
Bye, Pauline.
DOC MARTIN: Mrs. Brown.
The lab in Truro
e-mailed the results.
Hmm.
Mrs. Averill, come
through, please.
- Take a seat.
- [Coughs]
You tested positive for TB.
You have tuberculosis.
- Am I going to die?
- Not from this, no.
I'm gonna send you to the
chest clinic in Truro for an X-ray,
but because you're decrepit,
they'll probably want to keep
you in for a couple of weeks.
I didn't think
people got TB now.
It's still quite
common in London.
And abroad. Have
you traveled lately?
[Gasps]
I went to Delabole last
week to see "Rocky Balboa."
[Coughs]
Is that where I
caught it? In Delabole?
Uh, no. Incubation period's
much longer than a week.
You must have got
it somewhere else.
[Coughs]
When I'm in hospital...
Yes?
Will I be allowed to smoke?
[Children talking indistinctly]
You'd better keep an eye out
for pupils with possible symptoms.
Would you like me
to warn the parents?
Yeah, it wouldn't do any harm.
TB's pretty rare around
here. Unless you're a cow.
You could have told
me all this on the phone.
I was passing.
Right.
[Children talking indistinctly]
Um, I'd better teach this lot.
Well, I've a lot to do myself.
Can everyone
settle down, please?
- Oh, Martin?
- Yep?
How long does it take for a
child to develop TB symptoms?
Why do you ask?
Well, we had to send Sam
Oakwood home this morning.
He was coughing, and
he looked really awful.
Hello?
TERRI: I'm in the kitchen.
Oh, hello.
That smells revolting.
I'm mixing some
tulsi and mulethi
with vasaka and hanspadi.
It's for Sam.
Mm. Miss Glasson said
he was ill. May I see him?
He's not too bad.
Didn't sleep very
well. Said he was hot.
But you still sent
him to school?
Pretending to be ill
is one of Sam's little
triggers at the moment.
He's always looking for
an emotional response.
Has your son been jabbed for TB?
Uh...
Have we let someone
inject him full of poison?
Well, strangely, no.
Inoculations stop people
from getting dangerous
infectious diseases.
That is not a fact that
cannot be argued with.
He's just got a cough.
Mrs. Averill has tuberculosis.
She may have passed
it on to your son.
[Sam coughs]
He hasn't seen her for months.
When we stayed here before,
they were never in the
same room together.
Even so, I would like
to examine your son.
- Sam, the doctor's here.
- [Coughs]
Right, I'm just going
to listen to your chest.
- [Cat yelps]
- Geez!
TERRI: Mind Tom-Tom.
Is that Mrs. Averill's cat?
It's mine now.
It's very thin.
Well, we do put food out
for it. It's just not very hungry.
Does the cat sleep with you?
Did it sleep with you when
you stayed here before?
I see. You're perfectly happy
your son should share his bed
with a scrawny, flea-bitten
creature, are you?
Sit up.
I think it's up to Sam whom or
what he befriends, don't you?
Breathe in.
Out.
And again.
Out.
Hmm. I don't
understand you people.
Your son gets ill, and rather
than take him to a doctor,
you brew up green soup.
ANTHONY: And what
would you have done?
Tested him for TB.
Nonsense.
He's just attention-seeking.
I think your son contracted
TB from Mrs. Averill's cat
that had probably
infected her previously.
But how could a cat
possibly catch TB?
From a badger. You found
a badger in your garden.
It probably died from bovine TB.
I'm gonna take a sputum
sample from your son,
- and that's for you.
- A prescription.
No, it's a quote for the
paintwork on my car.
Just because you're ill
doesn't mean you get
away with criminal damage.
Spit in there. Go on.
How's Sam?
Marginally less
irritating than his parents.
No one could be that irritating.
Has he got TB?
Yes, I'm pretty certain.
It's unusual to get
it from a cat, though.
- A cat?
- Mrs. Averill's cat.
- It will have to be put down.
- Shame.
Mm. Yeah, the boy should
make a full recovery from the TB.
I can't do anything about his
disastrous upbringing, though.
I do feel sorry for Sam,
having a mum and dad like that.
DOC MARTIN: Mm.
But maybe we're not being fair.
I mean, we're not
parents, are we?
You'd make a lovely mother.
ANTHONY: Martin, quick!
Martin, quick.
Uh, Terri's tipped
the tulsi over her leg.
- What?
- The "green soup."
You know, it's boiling hot, and
she scalded herself. Come on!
Come on.
Subtitling made
possible by Acorn Media
possible by Acorn Media
[Coughs]
Don't scratch it.
You'll make it worse.
Sorry, Doctor.
This cream will help
you. Betamethasone.
Apply it to your
eczema twice a day.
- Are you sure it's eczema?
- Yes.
Never had it before.
You said you were moving house.
I moved a couple of days ago.
Right, well, moving
house is very stressful,
and the stress will
have triggered a reaction.
[Coughs]
- You're coughing a lot.
- Just got rid of a cold.
Right. Any other problems?
I've lost my cat.
That's not a medical
problem, is it?
- Hmm. I'm very tired.
- Right.
- I can't sleep without him.
- All right, come on.
He's called Tom-Tom.
You know, I wonder if
he's been kidnapped.
You read about people stealing
cats for scientific experiments.
- I don't.
- [Tapping]
Pauline, what are you doing?
Putting up my certificate.
What is it, dear?
I'm a qualified phlebotomist.
Well done. Oh, that is good.
Have you any idea
what a phlebotomist is?
No, but if you can get a
certificate for being one,
it must be important.
I'm in charge of the
blood in this surgery.
Anyone needs to give
a sample, it'll be me
sticking in the needle and
sucking out the plasma.
Oh, why don't you
tell me all about it
while we have a cup of tea?
There's no need. She's
already told you about it.
[Coughs]
That doesn't sound like
the end of a cold to me.
Got some lozenges somewhere.
[Coughs]
Are you a smoker?
Not really. I don't inhale.
Then you won't miss it so
much when you give it up,
will you, Mrs. Averill?
Put those in there.
Don't have many
pleasures left in life.
You won't have much life left
unless you stop being so stupid.
Thank you.
What about that tea now?
Oh, I actually finished
10 minutes ago.
[Sighs]
I'll go home, then.
And have a smoke on me own.
[Coughs]
[Meows]
- Hi, Martin. Come in.
- Thank you.
I thought we'd eat outside.
Really?
Don't you want to?
No, no, no. If you do...
Would you like some wine?
No, thank you. I don't drink.
Really, not even on
special occasions?
Is this a special occasion?
LOUISA: Well, maybe
"special" is the wrong word,
but it's not exactly something
we do every day, is it?
Well, I certainly can't
remember the last time
I ate a meal in
someone's back garden.
It's not that unusual, Martin.
People have
barbecues all the time.
Oh, I see.
Hot dogs and hamburgers.
That what we're having?
No.
MAN: Down here a bit.
Uh, you've got new neighbors?
LOUISA: Yes. Do
you know Mrs. Averill?
Uh, yes, yes. She was
in my surgery today.
Really? Well, she
used to live there.
But her husband died
a couple of months ago,
and she couldn't bear
to stay without him.
So she sold it to this
family from London,
and she's bought a smaller
place now up by the, uh...
up by the... the whatsit.
I'll just go and
fetch the starters.
- Can help you with anything?
- No, it's fine. I can manage.
Did you see the
dolphins this afternoon?
There was two of them,
just outside the harbor.
I've been busy
with patients all day.
Oh, that's a pity.
So, you didn't see them, then?
No.
Louisa.
Yeah?
You look very...
busy.
Thank you.
[Knock on door]
Not expecting anyone, are you?
No. Only you.
I'll get rid of them.
Louise. Hello.
It's "Louisa," actually.
That's what I said.
- Sorry, you're...
- Anthony.
And Terri.
We just moved in next door.
Of course. And
it's Sam, isn't it?
And you start at my
school tomorrow, don't you?
You looking forward to that?
ANTHONY: Thought
we'd just say hi.
- TERRI: Hi.
- Hi.
ANTHONY: And ask a huge favor.
Our kitchen's full of boxes,
and they're piled
on top of each other.
And we're just desperate
to open this bottle of wine.
But we can't find a corkscrew.
So we wondered if
we could borrow yours.
Please?
Sure. Yes, come in.
ANTHONY: Seven-hour
journey certainly works up a thirst.
Hey, could you pick that up,
take it outside, put in a bin?
You can have it later, Sam.
Oh, two and a half hours on
the M4, three hours on the M5.
That's before we'd
even got to Taunton.
Oh, dear, how awful.
Martin, these are the people
that have moved
in to Mrs. Averill's.
Anthony, Terri, and
Sam, this is Martin,
Dr. Martin Ellingham,
the local GP.
Yes.
Uh, can I grab this?
Absolutely gasping.
You can only just see
the harbor from here.
Aren't we lucky, Sam?
We can see the sea!
I'm senior lecturer in the
Department of Applied Psychology
at the University
of North Cornwall.
- Right.
- Oh. [Chuckles]
Yeah, it sounds pretty
grand, but, uh, well,
it's certainly is a bit of a
step up from my last job,
a research fellow at the
University of Brentford.
But, I mean, it's
"publish or die"
in the world of academia.
So I won't be resting
on my laurels just yet.
Hmm, very sensible.
Yeah. You're not from
around here, are you, Martin?
- No.
- No. London?
- Yes.
- Mm.
What brings you to Cornwall?
I have to see Louisa.
TERRI: I managed to find
some sheets and duvets,
but there's no way we're gonna
unpack all the boxes tonight.
Don't suppose we could
use some of your plates?
That's fine. Plates,
glasses. Help yourself.
What if we got some food
and brought it back here?
- Here?
- Well, our house is a mess.
Couldn't we join
you on the terrace?
You could.
Louisa thinks we
should all eat together.
- Fish and chips okay?
- Ah, yes.
Sounds like a great idea.
What do you fancy, Sam?
I'm not hungry.
TERRI: He's never
hungry these days.
Do you think we should
give him some alfalfa?
Hey, don't do that. You're
gonna burn yourself.
Oh, he'll be fine. Um,
how about some scampi?
I said I'm not hungry!
I'll get you a sausage. Terri?
Sea bass. Or haddock.
You've just broken my bowl.
Aren't you gonna say something?
Oh, oh, we don't
like to draw attention
to the consequence
of Sam's actions,
not unless there's some
sort of development potential.
Mainstream parenting's
not really our thing.
But my bowl's in lots of pieces.
Well, I'll buy you a new one.
Or I could stick
it back together.
I'm worried that we're
sort of making this
a child-centric moment.
"Child-centric"?
Yeah, we're focusing too
much on what he's just done.
Oh, I'll fetch the food.
TERRI: May.
No. April.
Half-term, anyway.
Mrs. Averill was doing
her B&B back then.
We just fell in
love with Portwenn.
And when we heard
Mr. Averill had popped his clogs,
we couldn't believe our luck.
Being such a small village, I
expect you knew him pretty well?
No, I only met him once.
To confirm that he was dead.
He was.
[Coughs]
Is the old lady alive?
Mrs. Averill? Yeah, she's fine.
She's evil.
And she smelled like
she'd pissed herself.
- I'll be off, then.
- What do you mean?
Um, I've got to do that
thing that I mentioned.
- What thing?
- Uh, didn't I mention it?
Uh, anyway, I'll see myself out.
- You're not going, are you?
- Uh, yes, I am.
Oh, that's a shame. I thought
we could have a bit of a chat.
You know, I find you
absolutely fascinating.
Chip?
No, thank you.
Are you coming out?
Hello?
You all right?
Yeah, yeah, I know.
If you're ill, you're ill.
Give me a ring when
you're feeling better,
and we'll fix you a
new appointment.
Okay. Bye.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Anthony Oakwood. Just moved
into the cottage up on the hill.
That you bought off
Mrs. Averill for £220,000.
Mr. Huntley, the estate agent,
was celebrating in the pub.
Yeah, he bought
everyone a drink.
Right.
Can I see the doctor?
This week, if possible.
You can see him right now.
Oh, don't have waiting
lists in Cornwall?
Normally, yes, but
Mr. Hill just cancelled.
Oh, lucky me.
PAULINE: If you say so.
Martin, good day. How you doing?
Next patient.
Come through.
ANTHONY: Sorry you had
to leave so early last night.
We had a very good time.
Well, until Louisa got
one of her migraines.
She doesn't get migraines.
Really? Well,
she did last night.
What's your problem?
Um, I've come to register.
- Are you ill?
- No, fit as a fiddle,
but I'll just be too busy to
do this when term starts.
At Bude Polytechnic?
University of North Cornwall.
A very exciting psychology
department there.
You ever spoken to any
of my colleagues there?
No.
You ever spoken
to a psychologist?
What about?
Interesting story.
About a year ago,
I was supposed to be writing
an article for "U.K. Psychologist,"
but I was blocked.
I went out to dinner
with some friends.
A bloke there didn't say a
word all night, just sat there
watching us joking,
laughing, getting pissed.
Turns out this bloke was
a very successful lawyer.
A very successful lawyer
with Asperger's syndrome.
You know what
Asperger's is, right?
Yes, of course I do.
Bad communication
skills, no sense of humor,
doesn't make friends.
Can you fill in
this form, please,
starting with your full
name and date of birth?
The bloke gave me
an idea for my article.
Can people with Asperger's
have normal careers?
Answer... yes.
Title... "You Don't Have
to Be Mad to Work Here."
The thing is, Martin, I think
that there's a book in this.
Now, I'm always on the lookout
for people with Asperger's
doing difficult jobs,
doing them very well.
Marie Curie showed symptoms.
So did Thomas Jefferson.
So I'm not saying
you're in bad company.
I beg your pardon?
I mean, I can't
be sure about you
until we've had a
proper conversation.
Full name and date of birth.
Don't you want to talk to me?
I want your full name and
date of birth on that form.
Tell you what.
I shall fill this in outside,
and then we'll have
a little chin-wag
when you're less stressed.
I don't have little
"chin-wags," Mr. Oakwood.
It's Dr. Oakwood. Um, I do
have a PhD in psychology.
Oh, we're both doctors.
But only one of us has a
waiting room full of patients.
- Is he always like that?
- PAULINE: Like what?
Rude, off-hand, dismissive.
Is he always like that?
- [Door opens]
- Like what?
- Uh, Miss Glasson rang.
- And?
There's a pupil at school
she's not happy about.
- Can you go and see him?
- Why? What happened?
Let me see.
She didn't say.
Find out.
Miss Chubbard.
- Oh, Martin!
- Hello.
Martin, look here.
DOC MARTIN: You've
scratched your truck.
No. Someone else
has scratched my truck.
Or you probably drove
too close to the hedge.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
I-I've been keyed.
If you say so. I have
a sick child to see.
- Oh, don't let me stop you.
- I won't.
LOUISA: He collapsed
in the dinner queue,
and he felt very hot.
[Beep]
Mm, he's still very hot.
What about the
rash? Is it measles?
Oh, my God.
There really is
nothing to worry about.
Then why did you
call the doctor?
- The boy passed out.
- "The boy" has got a name.
Elliot passed out, Mr. Clyde,
then I saw he had this rash
- on his face.
- Oh, my God!
DOC MARTIN: It's
nothing to get excited about.
Well, I'm sorry if
we're making a fuss.
I was worried it
might be measles.
It's not measles.
It's slapped cheek.
Someone hit my son?
I hope you found
the boy who did this.
It wasn't a boy.
He was hit by a girl?
He wasn't hit
by a girl or a boy.
But if someone
slapped his cheeks...
You're not accusing me?
Erythema infectiosum.
And what's that
supposed to mean?
That is the name
of the infection
from which your
child is suffering.
- It's very common.
- Common?
No, no. He's not saying that
you're common, Mr. Clyde.
Slapped cheek syndrome
is very easy to catch
and pass on through
the air or saliva.
Now what are you saying?
Someone spat at Elliot?
Spitting's a possibility, yes,
or somebody might have
kissed him or licked him.
What kind of school
are you running here?
I'm sure nothing
inappropriate's occurred.
Oh, you're sure, are you?
Well, I'm sure that every
week my little boy comes home
with another cold or head lice
or he's throwing
up all over the bed.
Can we take him away
now, Miss Glasson?
I think that's a very good idea.
- All right, come on.
- Come on.
JOAN: My truck's just outside.
Don't you want to take a look?
Well, of course I do.
It's just I'm... tucked
up at the moment.
"Tucked up"?
It's an expression we
use in the business.
Means I'm dealing with something
else and can't be reassigned.
What exactly are
you dealing with?
[Sighs]
I wish I could tell
you, Mrs. Norton,
but it might infringe the
human rights of the suspect.
Well, what about
my human rights?
I've got a damaged vehicle.
I promise you, as soon I can,
I will be right there
to report the crime.
And catch the criminal?
That could happen.
Did you get home
okay last night?
Yes, I did.
And you slept well, did you?
You didn't lie
there, feeling guilty?
What do you mean?
LOUISA: Sam.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
Why aren't you wearing uniform?
Dad said I didn't have
to if I didn't want to.
I'm afraid he's wrong. You know
where your lesson's gonna be?
- Yeah.
- Well, off you go, then.
Thanks for looking at Elliot.
I thought we might have had a
measles epidemic on our hands.
There's not much chance of that.
Almost all the children I've
seen have been jabbed for MMR.
There's only two or three
mothers left in the village
who haven't seen reason.
Maybe they're scared.
Nothing to be scared of.
Well, there's autism.
No, there isn't.
Martin, a friend of mine
took her son to the doctor.
He was nearly 2,
perfectly healthy.
They gave him the jab,
and he changed overnight.
Just shut down completely.
Oh, because of the MMR vaccine?
That's what she thinks.
Is she very stupid?
Look, it stands to
reason that giving a child
three viruses at the same time
must increase their chance
of some kind of reaction.
"It stands to reason"?
Martin, I have read
about the studies
linking MMR to bowel disease.
Well, there was one so-called
study, but that's been refuted
by people who actually know
what they're talking about.
And the hysteria
that stopped people giving
their children the MMR vaccine
has actually caused an
increase in cases of measles,
which is a horrible disease.
Thank you, Doctor.
BERT: We've got to
concentrate on our brand image.
Now, when we get
to the Cash & Carry,
with the mineral water,
then we slap the labels on
it with the restaurant logo.
Now, that, you see, that
is called "unified branding."
It reminds the customers
where they're eating
so they want to
come back again, eh?
You see, a quality logo
will give you a quality venue.
Oh, no. How's that
for quality, then?
What? Oh...
Bloody vandals.
MRS. AVERILL: So, is it going
okay with the "phlebiology"?
Fine, thank you.
[Coughs] Oh, dear.
It's always worse
when me throat's dry.
How about a cup of tea?
I'm fine, thank you.
Pauline...
Oh, I've still got
me rash, Doctor.
Yes, of course you have.
I told you.
Come back in a week if
the cream wasn't working.
A week.
- Who's the next patient?
- Mr. Sanders!
DOC MARTIN:
Mr. Sanders, come through.
BERT: As soon as
I saw the damage,
I phoned the insurance
people, and they told me
that you need to give me a
"crime reference" or something.
Yeah, that's what I want.
BERT: Excuse
me. I was here first.
Well, I was here yesterday.
I've got punters to feed,
and the van's parked outside.
Sorry, but I can't do
a thing until tomorrow.
Why?
Because.
You all right?
Of course I am. There's
just a lot on my plate.
There's no time for this.
- He looks a bit twitchy to me.
- No, I'm not.
You leave the premises. Now.
Sit there.
Mr. Sanders needs a
fluoride and two EDTA.
I'll bet you a tenner
this one's anemic.
Oh, don't.
Why are you still here?
Oh, well, I'll go outside, then.
For a smoke!
[Coughs]
That will be one
gray and two pinks.
Oh, don't forget you've got
your house call at Mrs. Friends'!
I know!
Enjoy your polynuclear
aromatic hydrocarbons.
Just don't come running
to me when you die.
Auntie Joan.
[Car door opens]
Oh, God. Look at my car!
Oh, dear. Been driving
too near the hedge?
That's not funny. I'm gonna
report this to PC Penhale.
I wouldn't bother.
Criminal damage
is still a crime.
Hence the expression
"criminal damage."
Well, I tried to get him
interested in my truck.
But he refused to
leave the station. Twice.
What do you mean, he refused?
Well, he was a bit odd.
- He is a bit odd.
- More than usually odd.
No, honestly, Martin, I think
you should take a look at him.
[Knock on door]
DOC MARTIN: Penhale!
[Knocking continues]
Penhale! Open the door.
How are you feeling today?
Fine, thanks, Doctor. Yourself?
I'm fine.
My car isn't.
Somebody's vandalized it.
I'd love to help, but
I'm up to my ears.
Rubbish. Come and have a look.
Here it is. All down the side.
You upset anyone recently?
What's the matter
with you, Penhale?
I'll be all right. In a minute.
Do you have a problem
leaving this building?
No. I just can't do it.
Has it happened before?
Well, bad days now and
again. It's nothing to worry about.
I think having an
agoraphobic policeman
is something to worry about.
I'm not agoraphobic.
Come outside, then.
You might have told me
when I was dealing
with your narcolepsy
that you also suffer
from agoraphobia.
I didn't want anyone to know.
Did you suffer from this before
you got kicked in the head
- by the horse?
- No.
You said your behavior changed,
and that's why your wife left.
After she went is when
I had my first funny turn.
I was down in Looe.
Plainclothes surveillance.
I'd got eyeball on a
suspect. Male, I.C. 1, 5'11".
But that's not important now.
Anyway, the suspect
went across this bridge.
I was supposed to
follow, but I couldn't.
I just couldn't
get on the bridge.
I couldn't stay where I was.
Had to get back to the van,
lock all the doors, and
wait till I stopped shaking.
Most days, I'm fine.
I don't think that's
good enough.
God knows there isn't enough
for you to do in this village.
But on the rare occasion...
Like when somebody has their
car vandalized, for instance...
It would be nice to think
that we had a policeman
who could at least
leave the police station
and go and deal with it.
You need to tell your superiors
that you're not well enough
- to work here.
- No. The job's all I got.
You can't do the job.
Yes, I can. I just
need some help.
I suppose I could
refer you to a therapist.
You'd have to stop work, though,
until you got a
clean bill of health.
How long's that gonna take?
I don't know. Weeks,
maybe months.
[Sighs]
[Scraping]
[Tires screech]
You nasty little boy.
You stay right
there. Stay there!
Come back!
Come back!
WOMAN: Tosser!
DOC MARTIN: Come back!
Are you chasing Sam?
Yes!
That's a badger!
It was dead when I
found it. Over there.
Why did you put it on a bonfire?
It's not a bonfire.
It's a funeral pyre.
I thought it might be nice
to give Mr. Brock a
traditional Hindu send-off.
You can't just burn a
badger in your garden!
It a health hazard! Put it out!
I don't want to.
His spirit hasn't been released.
What's going on?
- They're burning a badger.
- It absolutely stinks!
I don't feel very well.
You're not going anywhere.
I just caught your son
vandalizing cars in the village,
having previously had a
go at mine this morning.
Okay, when you
say "vandalizing..."
Scraping a key along the side.
Oh, I wish he wouldn't do that.
- What, he's done it before?
- Yeah, it's no big deal.
Well, excuse me if I
sound a little "car-centric,"
but I think it is a big deal.
ANTHONY: Well, you
have insurance, don't you?
That's not the point!
Your son is a delinquent,
and I want to know what
you plan to do about it!
Well, in front of you,
nothing. Go to bed, Sam.
Right, you'll be hearing from
PC Penhale or a police officer.
There's no need to
get the police involved.
I'll just have a quiet word
with Sam and explain to him
that some people
get a little bit precious
about their possessions.
Sorry, but I don't think that
Martin's being "precious."
Sam needs to
learn the difference
between right and wrong.
Oh, that's a little bit of a
gray area, though, isn't it?
No, it isn't.
Of course it isn't. You
are the boy's parents.
It's your duty to teach him
what he can and can't do.
Absolutely, and I
get the impression
that you just let Sam
do whatever he wants.
Oh, well, I think
it's our business
how we bring up Sam,
isn't it, Miss Glasson?
No, no. Not when his
behavior affects other people.
Yes, and if you can't
do anything about it,
let’s see what a magistrate
and an ASBO can.
Oh, just stop it!
You've ruined the moment.
Ohh. [Coughs]
Unbelievable.
- Ohh!
- [Cat yelps]
- All right?
- Yes, thank you. I'm fine.
I hate cats.
Me too.
Mrs. Averill's cat.
Doesn't know it's moved.
Nasty little thing.
Badgers, cats, dogs.
This village is
like a petting zoo.
Oh, well, uh [sniffs]
I need to change.
Yeah, me too. I stink.
Yes. Goodbye.
Oh, Marty. Marty, did
you get to see Penha...
Oh, what on earth is that smell?
It's me.
- Have you trodden in something?
- No, I haven't.
A madwoman doused a
bonfire with a badger on it.
- A dead badger?
- Yes.
Oh, must have escaped
the culling. [Chuckles]
Now, then, where
are my car keys?
Not that culling does any
good. It just spreads it further.
I mean, which came first,
the badger with TB
or the cow with TB?
And, I mean, what
about horses and foxes?
I mean, they don't get
it, but they spread it.
And...
Marty!
[Sighs]
Oh, God.
Are you going to
put the kettle on?
PAULINE: Maybe later.
[Coughs]
Is the doctor free this morning?
No, afraid not.
Never mind.
I can wait.
[Water running]
DOC MARTIN: Morning.
Sorry to bother
you so early, Marty,
but I need some more of my
hormone-replacement tablets.
I'll write you a prescription.
- Would you like an espresso?
- Oh, do you have any instant?
[Chuckles] I'd love an espresso.
Did you speak to Penhale?
Yes, I did. The man's
a complete cupcake.
Meaning?
I'm sorry. I can't discuss
my patients with you.
Well, isn't he agoraphobic?
Amongst other things, yes.
I'm going to speak to the
district chief superintendent
and have him replaced.
- You're going to grass him up?
- I'm not grassing him up.
The man's a public servant,
and he's unfit for purpose.
Yes, yes, well,
you're probably right.
I just wonder whether
it wouldn't be kinder
to treat him rather
than simply report him.
He has a phobia, as
do many people, Marty.
But some of them
carry on working.
No one seems to mind.
I've read the instructions,
I've followed the instructions,
I applied the cream
exactly as it said,
but has it made any difference?
No, it hasn't made
any difference at all,
and I thought he'd want to know.
Sorry? Who'd want to know what?
The doctor. He'd want to
know the cream isn't working.
It hasn't been a week yet.
Oh, well, he'd still want
to check on my progress.
[Exhales deeply]
Oh, and then there's
Tom-Tom, my cat.
Still missing.
I've thought of
putting up a poster,
- with a picture.
- Right.
But I can't find my albums.
I haven't opened those boxes
yet [coughs] from the move.
All that dust... [Coughs]
I couldn't sleep at all last
night, tossing and turning.
The thing is, he'll ask if
you've stopped smoking...
- I don't believe this.
- What?
I've won £320.
[Gasps, coughs]
£320.
[Coughing violently]
What's that? Oh, ugh! Ugh!
What's going on?
Mrs. Averill's been
coughing up blood.
Ohh.
Um... right.
Breathe in.
Out.
Could it be something bad?
It could be lung cancer.
Pauline.
Why are smokers always
surprised when they're ill?
Why do they think they're
gonna be the lucky ones
who live to be 100?
Did you think
you'd make it to 70?
I'm 75.
80?
My mother smoked a
pipe until she was 93.
And then she died?
No. She lost her pipe.
Pauline, I'm about
to ask Mrs. Averill
to give me a sputum sample.
I need you to get
it to Truro ASAP,
flagged up for
immediate analysis.
Spit.
[Coughs]
- [Knock on door]
- Yes?
Oh, it's you.
Hi back.
I've come to say...
it's not Sam's fault.
No. I blame the parents.
No, I mean, he hasn't
actually done anything wrong.
Well, I can think of a number
of car owners in the village
who would disagree with you.
This oppositional posturing
is just Sam's way
of setting boundaries.
He's a robust refuser who's
trying to communicate his needs
as he goes through a
difficult transition phase.
It's important we all avoid
unrealistic expectations.
There's nothing unrealistic
in expecting him
not to scratch my car.
Anthony explains this
much better than me.
- He's got lots of theories.
- I bet he has.
Sam's at such a special
stage in his development.
Please don't label him a
criminal by telling the police.
You have told them, haven't you?
Are you Joe Pindale?
It's PC Joseph Penhale.
I'm Terri Oakwood.
Oh. I've heard about you.
And about my son, I
suppose? That is so unfair.
He only scratches
cars to get a reaction.
But if that reaction is just
a knee-jerk condemnation,
you can hardly
expect him to stop.
So, your son's the one who's
been scratching the cars?
According to Dr. Ellingham.
Isn't that what
Dr. Ellingham told you?
Someone else told me
you've been burning badgers.
Can I have your son's full
name and date of birth, please?
PAULINE: Do any of the
scooters come in pink?
When you say "cherry
red," how pink is that? Mm.
- Next patient, please.
- Hang on a sec.
I'm gonna buy a
scooter with my winnings.
Do you think pink is a
good idea or is a bit too...
Mrs. Brown.
Doctor, have you got
me test results yet?
Yes, they came an hour ago. I
thought I'd keep them to myself.
- Really?
- No. Of course not.
When they come
in, I will call you.
- [Door closes]
- Doctor.
I came on foot.
- Congratulations.
- Have you got five minutes?
Yes, when I've seen Mrs.
Brown and my other patients.
They won't mind.
Police business.
Okay?
I was just wondering if you
told anyone at headquarters
about my problems?
Not yet.
And there's nothing I can
do to change your mind
about me having to not
work while I have the therapy?
I'm not trying to bribe
you. That wouldn't help.
Would it?
What you doing?
I was just gonna ask Pauline...
There's no need to involve
anyone else at this stage.
I didn't actually
offer you money.
I don't have your patient
notes. I was gonna get them.
Sorry.
It's just... this
policing business.
[Inhales deeply] It's my life.
Did you ever think about a
vocation for yourself, Doctor?
Yes. I wanted to be a doctor.
Where did it all go wrong, eh?
It didn't.
Well, not for you,
maybe, but for me.
All I want right now is to be
the best policeman in Portwenn.
You're the only
policeman in Portwenn.
You're just saying that.
The question I have to ask is,
can you carry on doing your
job whilst undergoing treatment?
Absolutely.
And you're aware of the effects
of cognitive-behavior therapy?
I don't know what it is.
Right,
but you're still sure that you
could carry out your duties
- whilst in the thick of it.
- Yes.
Huh. Well, you're either
very confident or stupid.
Well, we both know
I'm not stupid. [Chuckles]
Thank you very much, sir.
Bye, Pauline.
DOC MARTIN: Mrs. Brown.
The lab in Truro
e-mailed the results.
Hmm.
Mrs. Averill, come
through, please.
- Take a seat.
- [Coughs]
You tested positive for TB.
You have tuberculosis.
- Am I going to die?
- Not from this, no.
I'm gonna send you to the
chest clinic in Truro for an X-ray,
but because you're decrepit,
they'll probably want to keep
you in for a couple of weeks.
I didn't think
people got TB now.
It's still quite
common in London.
And abroad. Have
you traveled lately?
[Gasps]
I went to Delabole last
week to see "Rocky Balboa."
[Coughs]
Is that where I
caught it? In Delabole?
Uh, no. Incubation period's
much longer than a week.
You must have got
it somewhere else.
[Coughs]
When I'm in hospital...
Yes?
Will I be allowed to smoke?
[Children talking indistinctly]
You'd better keep an eye out
for pupils with possible symptoms.
Would you like me
to warn the parents?
Yeah, it wouldn't do any harm.
TB's pretty rare around
here. Unless you're a cow.
You could have told
me all this on the phone.
I was passing.
Right.
[Children talking indistinctly]
Um, I'd better teach this lot.
Well, I've a lot to do myself.
Can everyone
settle down, please?
- Oh, Martin?
- Yep?
How long does it take for a
child to develop TB symptoms?
Why do you ask?
Well, we had to send Sam
Oakwood home this morning.
He was coughing, and
he looked really awful.
Hello?
TERRI: I'm in the kitchen.
Oh, hello.
That smells revolting.
I'm mixing some
tulsi and mulethi
with vasaka and hanspadi.
It's for Sam.
Mm. Miss Glasson said
he was ill. May I see him?
He's not too bad.
Didn't sleep very
well. Said he was hot.
But you still sent
him to school?
Pretending to be ill
is one of Sam's little
triggers at the moment.
He's always looking for
an emotional response.
Has your son been jabbed for TB?
Uh...
Have we let someone
inject him full of poison?
Well, strangely, no.
Inoculations stop people
from getting dangerous
infectious diseases.
That is not a fact that
cannot be argued with.
He's just got a cough.
Mrs. Averill has tuberculosis.
She may have passed
it on to your son.
[Sam coughs]
He hasn't seen her for months.
When we stayed here before,
they were never in the
same room together.
Even so, I would like
to examine your son.
- Sam, the doctor's here.
- [Coughs]
Right, I'm just going
to listen to your chest.
- [Cat yelps]
- Geez!
TERRI: Mind Tom-Tom.
Is that Mrs. Averill's cat?
It's mine now.
It's very thin.
Well, we do put food out
for it. It's just not very hungry.
Does the cat sleep with you?
Did it sleep with you when
you stayed here before?
I see. You're perfectly happy
your son should share his bed
with a scrawny, flea-bitten
creature, are you?
Sit up.
I think it's up to Sam whom or
what he befriends, don't you?
Breathe in.
Out.
And again.
Out.
Hmm. I don't
understand you people.
Your son gets ill, and rather
than take him to a doctor,
you brew up green soup.
ANTHONY: And what
would you have done?
Tested him for TB.
Nonsense.
He's just attention-seeking.
I think your son contracted
TB from Mrs. Averill's cat
that had probably
infected her previously.
But how could a cat
possibly catch TB?
From a badger. You found
a badger in your garden.
It probably died from bovine TB.
I'm gonna take a sputum
sample from your son,
- and that's for you.
- A prescription.
No, it's a quote for the
paintwork on my car.
Just because you're ill
doesn't mean you get
away with criminal damage.
Spit in there. Go on.
How's Sam?
Marginally less
irritating than his parents.
No one could be that irritating.
Has he got TB?
Yes, I'm pretty certain.
It's unusual to get
it from a cat, though.
- A cat?
- Mrs. Averill's cat.
- It will have to be put down.
- Shame.
Mm. Yeah, the boy should
make a full recovery from the TB.
I can't do anything about his
disastrous upbringing, though.
I do feel sorry for Sam,
having a mum and dad like that.
DOC MARTIN: Mm.
But maybe we're not being fair.
I mean, we're not
parents, are we?
You'd make a lovely mother.
ANTHONY: Martin, quick!
Martin, quick.
Uh, Terri's tipped
the tulsi over her leg.
- What?
- The "green soup."
You know, it's boiling hot, and
she scalded herself. Come on!
Come on.
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